Love Your Life Show with Susie Pettit

Episode: How to Break Free from the Habit of Solving Other People’s Problems

Guest: Leah Marone, psychotherapist & author of Serial Fixer

Date: December 24, 2025

Episode Overview

Susie Pettit welcomes psychotherapist and Yale clinical instructor Leah Marone to discuss the “serial fixer” habit—particularly prevalent among high-achieving, caring women and moms—and how to break free from constantly trying to solve other people’s problems. The conversation dives into the roots of fixer behavior, its impacts on relationships and wellness, and practical, mindful strategies to shift from “solving” to “supporting.” This episode is rich with techniques, relatable stories, and validating takeaways for listeners on their own personal growth journey.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. What is a Serial Fixer?

Definition & Characteristics (02:08)

• Serial fixers often have high emotional intelligence, can read others well, and are deeply empathetic.
• They typically become the “secret keeper” and the “solver” in families and social groups.
• This pattern is fueled by the desire to connect, please, and avoid letting people down, accompanied by a persistent inner critic.
• Quote:

  "They lead with a lot of empathy and compassion...they also place themselves in the role of the fixer or the solver...It's the recipe for exhaustion." — Leah Marone (02:08)

2. How to Know If You’re a Serial Fixer

Red Flags & Motivations (03:32)

• Fixer behavior comes from a good place but can morph into a way to avoid internal emotional work.
• It creates an ongoing cycle of urgency and can result in disconnect and resentment in relationships.
• Quote:

  "Serial fixers are working so hard at their relationships, but there's like a disconnect...and sometimes it leads to resentment because these relationships are highly imbalanced." — Leah Marone (03:32)

3. External Validation vs. Internal Work

Why We Fix (05:03)

• Many are conditioned to seek external validation for their worth (as a mom, partner, etc.).
• Parenting example: Jumping into “fix-it” mode when a child expresses distress to reassure oneself as a “good” parent.
• Quote:

  "If my child is under distress...I must not be doing my job." — Leah Marone (05:03)

4. Breaking the Pattern: Awareness and Slowing Down

From Solver to Supporter (06:48)

• Shift starts with awareness: Are you rushing to fix or advise without first validating?
• Validation involves seeing and reflecting someone's experience back to them: A head nod, paraphrasing, pausing, keeping ownership with the other.
• Support is about collaboration, not taking over.
• Quote:

  "Just you pausing and keeping that ownership with that person...and not grabbing their tangled ball of yarn and trying to untangle it in front of their very eyes." — Leah Marone (08:36)

Responding to “the bait” (09:39)

• Example: A partner asks, “Do these need batteries?” Instead of doing everything (finding, buying, installing), pause and answer simply, returning the responsibility to them.
• This prevents resentment and imbalance.
• Quote:

  "You actually didn't answer the question...You immediately jumped to step 17 and filled in every crack and crevice and made all these assumptions and took ownership." — Leah Marone (10:00)

5. Living with Discomfort: The Growth Zone

Uncomfortable But Worth It (13:46, 16:38)

• The urge to fix is protective; breaking it feels uneasy, especially for those with histories of trauma or hypervigilance.
• Not fixing leads to uncomfortable emotions—but over time, greater connection and less resentment.
• Supporting, not solving, allows loved ones to build their own skills and confidence.
• Examples:
  • Susie’s story about her son not getting a job—by validating rather than solving, he experienced growth and pride. (16:54)
• Quote:

  "What feels really good in life is going through some of these hardships and then persevering. And that pride is one of my favorite emotions to feel." — Susie Pettit (18:07)

6. Emotional Hangovers and Compassion Fatigue

Understanding Emotional Overwhelm (20:47)

• “Emotional hangovers” happen after persistent emotional suppression (e.g., stressful family visits)—leaving you anxious or exhausted afterward.
• It's normal; treat yourself kindly in the aftermath.
• Quote:

  "If we're not aware of kind of clearing out our own clutter...we will have this kind of hangover effect." — Leah Marone (21:22)

Being Kind to Yourself (22:40–24:38)

• Don't gaslight your emotions (“Why am I upset? There’s no reason!”)—investigate and validate yourself.
• Notice inner critical voices, and ask, “What are you trying to protect me from?”
• Practice moving from rigidity to flexibility.

7. Tools for Everyday Support (Not Fixing)

Scripts and Strategies (28:59–34:09)

• Pause before responding; let the other person lead.
• Validate: "That sounds really hard," "Tell me more," or paraphrase.
• Support, don’t control: “What would be helpful for you right now?” “Do you want to talk or just have company?”
• Collaborate, but don’t overfunction.
• It’s okay not to have a script—ask directly how you can support.
• Quote:

  "Sometimes it's directly asking: Would it be helpful for me to ask you questions? Or would it be helpful to look at your options at this stage?" — Leah Marone (32:32)

8. Loving Detachment and Embracing Awkwardness

Practice and Progress, Not Perfection (35:14–39:22)

• Allowing loved ones to feel and solve their problems is a gift—even if it initially feels awkward.
• Change takes reps and often feels bumpy at first; own your process and circle back if needed.
• Use “I” statements when discussing patterns—avoid blame.
• Quote:

  "It's okay to circle back and say, you know what? I thought about our conversation...I really wish that I would have shared this or I would have given you a little more space." — Leah Marone (36:50)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Awareness and Breaking the Cycle:

  "Are we taking the bait?...you immediately jumped to step 17 and filled in every crack and crevice and made all these assumptions and took ownership." — Leah Marone (09:39–10:00)

• On Parent-Child Relationships:

  "If I am putting in my son's hand what it means to be a good mom...then I lose all my control and it's completely...So I like to define for me what makes a good mom." — Susie Pettit (19:18–20:10)

• On Self-Compassion:

  "Could we be a little more of, like, okay, you are so upset, how do we support you?" — Susie Pettit (22:40)

• On Emotional Hangovers:

  "I like to normalize that to some degree. It's almost like when you're really sore after an intense workout...And that's the hangover effect. And we can have those emotionally as well." — Leah Marone (21:22)

• On Communicating Support:

  "Tell me more. Or, how can I support you? What would be helpful right now?" — Leah Marone (29:47, 34:09)

• On Changing Patterns:

  "It's not about perfection...it's okay to circle back...And that too is so good, not only for you to hear, but it lets that person know too: 'Oh, okay, this is going to be different.'" — Leah Marone (36:25–37:35)

Useful Timestamps

• Defining Serial Fixer: 02:08
• How to Know if You’re a Fixer: 03:32
• External Validation vs. Internal Work: 05:03
• Shifting from Solver to Supporter: 06:48, 08:36
• Responding to Daily “Bait”: 09:39–11:07
• Resentment and Relationship Impact: 13:10
• Susie’s Parenting Example: 16:38–18:56
• Emotional Hangovers and Compassion Fatigue: 20:47–24:38
• Scripts for Supporting (not Solving): 28:59–34:09
• On Change and Circle-backs: 35:14–37:35
• Final Encouragement: 38:32–39:49

Tone and Final Takeaways

Warm, validating, and practical—the episode reassures listeners that fixer tendencies come from strengths but require mindful management to avoid disconnection and burnout. Building supportive, not solving, relationships takes time, patience, and self-compassion. Awareness, slowed reactions, validation, and collaborative language are key tools in this personal growth journey.

"You're not alone...there's a lot of strengths and superpowers involved in this...think about being patient with yourself and improving something...you need reps." — Leah Marone (38:32)

Recommended: Check out Leah Marone’s book Serial Fixer for deeper dives and her collection of practical tools.