Love Your Life Show with Susie Pettit

Episode: What to Say When Someone is Rude or Disrespectful

Release Date: October 22, 2025
Host: Susie Pettit

Episode Overview

In this episode, Susie Pettit dives deep into how to handle interactions with rude, disrespectful, or “toxic” people—whether they’re relatives, co-workers, or loved ones. She demystifies why these encounters leave us feeling drained and small and equips listeners (especially moms and women raised as “people pleasers”) with practical, shame-free tools for keeping personal peace, authority, and energy intact. Drawing from communication coach Jefferson Fisher’s strategies, Susie shares actionable scripts and reframes, all while reinforcing the value of self-regulation and boundary-setting.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Rude and Disrespectful People Affect Us So Deeply

• People can’t be controlled:
  “People are going to behave how people are going to behave… We cannot control them… What is in our control? What can we do? A lot.” (04:45)
• The “peacemaker” conditioning:
  Many listeners have been raised to be fixers or appeasers, internalizing that other people’s emotions and reactions are their responsibility.
  “Somewhere along the line you got the message: if other people are upset, it's your fault, or if they're unhappy, you're doing something wrong.” (07:14)
• Disempowering patterns:
  Reacting, shutting down, or over-explaining often leaves us feeling powerless and exhausted.

2. The Power of Reframing: Control Yourself, Not Others

• Agency and detachment:
  “Keeping your peace… is not about controlling them. It's about controlling ourselves. When we're trying to control them, we give them all the power. When we shift the focus… we get all the power back.” (09:18)

3. Tool 1: The “Calm Phrase”

• Definition:
  A short, steady sentence to anchor yourself and avoid getting pulled into emotional quicksand.
  “When people are in their emotional reactivity, they thrive on reactivity… They throw the bait out and most of us… bite that bait. We explain, we defend, we over-apologize…” (11:07)
• Examples:
  • “I hear you.”
  • “I see it differently.”
  • “That’s not going to work for me.”
• Application:
  Susie shares a personal example of using “I hear you” with a critical mother-in-law about her son’s speech delay. “No defense, no debate. That part of the conversation’s over. I hear you.” (15:53)
• Practice tip:
  Practice calm phrases in front of a mirror. “Choose a calm phrase and practice saying it… My coach helped me by saying: pretend you have duct tape over your mouth after you say that.” (17:48)
• Why it works:
  Helps both with toxic individuals and well-meaning but unregulated people; avoids unnecessary justifying or explaining.

4. Tool 2: “Name the Game”

• Definition:
  Calmly, clearly name when someone is shifting blame, dismissing your feelings, or manipulating the conversation.
  “Instead of you spiraling or over-explaining, you can calmly name what’s going on. You could say something like, ‘That feels dismissive’ or ‘That sounds like blame.’” (25:04)
• Examples:
  • “That feels dismissive.”
  • “Hmm, that sounds like blame.”
  • “That’s not how I feel about it.”
• Application:
  When a partner deflects responsibility:
  “Your husband’s like, ‘Well, you friggin bailed on me.’ And you say, ‘Whoa, sounds like blame.’” (28:35) When family accuses you of being too sensitive:
  “The old pattern is you start explaining… Instead, name the game. Say something like, ‘Oof, that feels dismissive.’ Or, ‘Oh, it seems like you’re discounting my perspective.’” (32:40)
• Inner application:
  Even if you don’t say it aloud, recognizing the dynamic internally can prevent being hooked into old patterns.

5. Overcoming Discomfort and Building Emotional Maturity

• Emotional growth is ongoing:
  “You don’t get to a point and you’re like, ‘I will always be regulated.’ No, we are always practicing… My husband has used these tools on me!” (36:50)
• Validate your process:
  Susie normalizes initial discomfort—tight chest, closed throat—reminding listeners it’s part of the learning curve.
• Undoing people-pleasing happens in community:
  “What’s not okay is thinking you have to figure it out all alone, sweetheart. You learned people-pleasing and self-abandoning in relationship with others and you will unlearn it with support.” (41:13)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On self-empowerment and boundaries:

  “Take your peace back. Today is a great day to start feeling more in control of how you feel.” (38:47)

• Ending the martyrdom cycle:

  “This world doesn’t need more drained, over-explaining women. The world needs you. Calm, steady, empowered. You.” (46:22)

• On responsibility:

  “You’re not responsible for making other people happy. Not your partner, not your mom, not even your kids. What are you responsible for? Learning how to regulate your emotions and keep your energy.” (44:18)

Actionable Takeaways

• Practice your calm phrase (e.g., “I hear you,” “I see it differently”) before the next challenging interaction.
• Get curious, not defensive: When criticized or dismissed, try simply naming what’s happening or—at minimum—recognizing it internally.
• Remember, you can’t control them. Your only job is controlling yourself and setting appropriate boundaries.
• Join Susie’s “Emotional Freedom” webinar (see show notes or smbwell.com/freedom), or the Love Your Life School for deeper support in setting boundaries and building emotional regulation.

Important Timestamps

• Why we feel destabilized around rudeness: 07:14
• The control we DO have: 09:18
• Explaining the calm phrase: 11:07
• Real-life calm phrase examples: 15:53
• How to practice these phrases: 17:48
• Introduction to “name the game”: 25:04
• Holiday/family scenario role-plays: 32:40
• On ongoing emotional growth: 36:50
• Encouragement to seek support: 41:13
• Empowerment and boundaries closing remarks: 44:18-46:22

Final Thoughts

Susie’s episode is empowering, direct, and rooted in lived experience. Listeners come away with two practical scripts for handling tough people—and a strong sense that it’s possible, and even essential, to shift from exhaustion and self-abandonment to calm authority. The focus throughout is compassionate, shame-free, and action-oriented, making this a go-to guide for anyone ready to handle disrespect without losing their energy, peace, or self-worth.