Love Your Life Show: “Why Relationships Feel Draining and How to Bring the Peace Back”

Host: Susie Pettit
Date: November 26, 2025
Episode: 382

Episode Overview

In this concise, heartfelt episode, Susie Pettit dives into why certain relationships—especially with family, partners, and close friends—can feel emotionally draining, even after doing essential boundary work. Susie reframes the purpose of relationships, challenging listeners to see them as opportunities for growth, self-awareness, and love, rather than sources of agitation or obligation. Instead of focusing on tactics, she lays a deep foundation for approaching relationships with peace, curiosity, and empowerment.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Impact of Relationships on Our Life Quality (00:33)

• Susie notes the growing awareness that "the quality of our lives is deeply influenced by the quality of our relationships."
• Acknowledges feelings of overwhelm and defeat that can arise if you’ve historically dealt with draining people (narcissists, energy vampires, emotionally immature individuals).

“I feel like I'm behind the eight ball before I even start... Have you ever felt that way when you hear these studies?”
— Susie Pettit (01:24)

2. For Listeners in Difficult Relationships (01:50)

• Resource shout-out: Susie mentions her curated resource for those currently dealing with narcissists or emotionally immature people (smbwell.com/narc).
• Empathizes with listeners who still feel drained by people post-boundary work and aims to address where to go from here.

3. Why Relationships Feel Draining (04:04)

• Relationships inherently invite discomfort because everyone is different (“We have different fingerprints, but... also different thoughts, values, ways of being…”)
• Our nervous systems crave sameness, but relationships “by their very nature” challenge that, triggering discomfort.

4. The True Purpose of Relationships: Susie’s Two Points (05:30)

Susie reframes why we have relationships in the first place:

1. To Learn How to Love

   • We’re given relationships “to practice loving,” especially those who are different from us.
   • Loving is a developed skill—can you love someone whose habits or opinions differ from yours?

   “Part of the point of a relationship is to see how good we can get at the skill of learning to love another human who’s different than us.”
   — Susie Pettit (06:09)

2. To Learn About Ourselves

   • Relationships reveal our triggers, weaknesses, and patterns.
   • Ask: When do I become emotionally immature or reactive? Where do I blame or get resentful?

   “We are put in relationships to learn about ourselves, to learn our triggers, to see what our sensitivities are. Where do we begin to act emotionally immature and reactive?”
   — Susie Pettit (07:07)

5. Two Transformational Questions (07:48)

• How can you love and accept this person as they are?

• What can you learn about yourself from what they trigger in you?

  “If it’s not the thing the mom says or the husband does, it’s the story we make up about that thing. That’s the work.”
  — Susie Pettit (09:03)

6. Adulthood as an Ongoing Journey (09:36)

• Personal growth is an ongoing process—triggering moments aren’t failures but classrooms for our "Earth School."
• Even after years of self-development, we keep encountering new lessons—this is “adulting big time.”

7. Changing the Foundation (11:23)

• Relationships are not:

  • For getting someone to act how you want.
  • About keeping peace at all costs or being a doormat.
  • For fixing, managing, or controlling others’ emotions.

  Instead, they’re “here to teach you about your triggers, your boundaries, your needs, your old patterns, your childhood wounds…” (12:36)

  “Your partner's mood isn't something you have to manage. Your teenager’s silence isn't a reflection of your worth.”
  — Susie Pettit (13:09)

8. Emotional Adulthood vs. Emotional Childhood (14:12)

• Reactivity and blame (“emotional childhood”) may feel good short-term but don’t serve our growth or peace.

• Claiming “emotional adulthood” gives you agency and calm.

  “Choosing to be an adult over a reactive emotional child... that feels so good. When I'm in my wise woman sort of shoes, I stand up taller. I feel more open-hearted, more curious in my brain.”
  — Susie Pettit (14:44)

9. Actionable Pause Before Tactics (16:00)

• Though Susie plans to share specific skills in the next episode, she intentionally pauses to let the foundational paradigm “really land.”
• Encourages listeners to replay and reflect: “How might your relationships change if you begin to view them from this paradigm?”

10. The AFGO Principle (17:28)

• Susie shares a personal/marital tradition: “AFGO”—Another Effing Growth Opportunity—to name growth moments with humor and acceptance.

  “We'll be like, here it is, here's the opportunity to learn about ourselves.”
  — Susie Pettit (17:32)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Can you love the other human that you’re in relationship with, and can you learn about yourself while you’re in that relationship?” (07:33)
• “It’s not to get the other person to behave how you want. It’s not to keep the peace at all costs... it’s not to fix, manage, or control anyone else’s emotions.” (11:28)
• “Every one of these moments becomes a classroom: how can we love this prickly little person in our presence, and what can we learn about ourselves when we're feeling all prickly?” (13:13)
• “As humans, we’re here to evolve… this learning, this expanding, it’s not over once we’re 20, or once we’re 30…” (09:36)
• “You’re what this world needs. Get out there. Practice loving. Loving on them. Loving on you.” (18:01)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:33 — Importance of relationship quality in life
• 01:50 — Free resource for relationships with narcissists/emotional vampires
• 04:04 — Discomfort is built into relationships
• 05:30 — The purpose of relationships: love & self-growth
• 07:48 — Reframing triggers: self-reflection and acceptance
• 11:23 — What relationships are not
• 13:09 — Relinquishing responsibility for others' emotions
• 14:44 — Choosing emotional adulthood
• 16:00 — Encouragement to pause and reflect before tactics
• 17:28 — The “AFGO” principle

Tone and Takeaway

Warm, encouraging, and deeply relatable, Susie invites listeners to radically shift how they interpret challenges in relationships. By reframing relationships as arenas for personal and emotional skill-building—instead of sources of ongoing drama—listeners are left empowered to practice both “loving on them” and “loving on you.” As Susie concludes, “You’re what this world needs. Get out there. Practice loving. Loving on them. Loving on you.” (18:01)

Next Steps:

• Reflect on the two foundational purposes of your relationships.
• Notice triggers and ask, “What’s here for me to learn about myself and how can I love this person, just as they are?”
• Subscribe to the podcast and newsletter for the upcoming tactical follow-up episode.