New York Sees Red

Summary

Lovett or Leave It — “New York Sees Red” (June 27, 2026)
Hosted Live in Hollywood by Jon Lovett
Guests: John Stamos, Jodie Turner-Smith

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EPISODE OVERVIEW

This episode of “Lovett or Leave It” dives into the dramatic results of the latest New York City elections, the intra-Democratic Party battles over ideology, and notable recent Supreme Court decisions before shifting into a lively live show featuring a candid, funny interview with John Stamos (including musical memories, actor anecdotes, and lots of hair talk) and a witty, insightful conversation with actress Jodie Turner-Smith. The episode wraps with the recurring “Second Thoughts” segment, where Lovett and his guests reflect on moments of the night they might want to do over.

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KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

1. New York’s “Red Wave”: Progressive Victories in NYC (01:17–10:00)

• Lovett opens with political news:
  “What a week. New York City voters went to the polls on Tuesday and the three left wing candidates endorsed by Mayor Zoran Mandani swept their races with two toppling establishment-backed incumbents. Viva la revolucion.” (01:30)

• Satirical recap of establishment reaction:
  Lovett lampoons Chuck Schumer’s response, conservative freakouts (Ari Fleischer warning, “Get out while you still can”), and the overblown warnings of “socialist power.”

• Brad Lander’s victory over Dan Goldman:
  Lovett notes Lander’s outspoken criticism of Israel’s war in Gaza and Goldman's failed attempt to blame the loss on anti-Semitism:
  “That dog don’t hunt, that gefilte, it don’t fish.” (03:00)
  “If he came across any more Jewish, I think bagels would be literally falling out of his mouth.” (03:38)

• Factionalism in the Democratic Party:
  Cites James Carville (“It’s time for Democrats to talk the S word: Schism.”), Jamie Harrison’s tweet discouraging critics from running as Democrats, and the challenges of maintaining coalition politics.

• Lovett’s big-tent thesis:
  “The answer to right wing authoritarianism is a diverse democratic movement big enough to stop it. And if holding that coalition together were easy, we’d all be home by now watching Elsbeth Thursdays on CBS.” (09:00)

• Memo to both the left and centrists:
  “There are some on the left who are more animated by attacking Democrats than working with them to defeat Republicans… Shame on all of you equally. But sometimes I do it and when I do it, it’s fine.” (08:35)

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2. Recap of Key Supreme Court Decisions (09:30–11:50)

• Temporary Protected Status Ruling:
  Lovett details the court’s allowance for Trump to end TPS for Haitians and Syrians. Satirical impression of ICE and Alito.

• Weed Killer Lawsuit Dismissal:
  Supreme Court overturns a $1.25 million jury award for a gardener who claimed Monsanto’s Roundup caused his cancer. Lovett:
  “I will continue to trust our scientists until they tell me to stop drinking Diet Coke, at which point I’ll completely break.” (11:16)

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3. Interview: John Stamos — Reflections on Hollywood, Hair, & Gratitude (15:14–34:52)

On being an 80s-90s heartthrob & “Full House”

• “I always hate good looking people that say, ‘Oh, I was too good looking to get work and stuff.’ I plowed through everything and you know, like Full House was… the main character on the show was love… It took me many, many, many years to accept, you know, to accept it.” (16:36–17:23)
• “My whole life has been a blessing. I’m leading with gratitude these days because in a blink of an eye, you’re old… every moment, you have to… enjoy every moment and be in the moment.” (17:30)

On ADD, speechwriting, & focus

• Lovett shares his experience with ADD: “Like 100%? Oh, it’s a terminal case. Yeah. The scientists study my brain.” (18:36)
• “When I used to write speeches, I would wait until the last possible moment… then I would write through the night.” (19:19)

On hair transplants (very open):

• Lovett: “If we could see what I’d look like without the hair transplants… Three of them.”
• Stamos: “I’ve had four… because you keep losing!”
• Both joke about hairline privilege and gratitude:
  “If a good-looking person is not grateful, it’s really ugly. It’s ugly.” (21:04)

On career, discipline, and family:

• Stamos on his first role in General Hospital versus taking over his father’s hamburger business:
  “I got on General Hospital, and he still made me work on Sundays.” (26:02)

On playing with the Beach Boys:

• “It’s one of the greatest thrills of my life to play with them… the world needs the music more than ever now.” (22:15, 22:52)

On politics & media (notable exchange):

• Stamos: “Put out a video… just the facts, no jokes, no opinion… so I can show my sister and the Republicans in my family.” (30:10)
• Lovett: “I think… we overestimate the problem is the facts getting to people and underestimate the importance of people deciding they want to see the facts… there’s a deeper truth we haven’t gotten to them yet.” (31:15)

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4. Gameshow Segment: “Was I in This?” with John Stamos (24:18–34:52)

• Audience quizzing, goofy stories (Stamos in the Kokomo video), and playful exchanges.
• Stamos on his Broadway work: “Here I am toe to toe with one of the greatest actors ever, James Earl Jones… I said, ‘You’ve changed people’s perception of me.’ We walk out and there’s a crowd: ‘Uncle Jesse, say have mercy!’” (34:53)

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5. Interview: Jodie Turner-Smith — Language, Authenticity, Culture (38:05–48:13)

• On “Agency,” filming in Morocco:
  “We were literally out there for, like, a month, and it was so nice. I loved it.” (40:32)

• On learning Arabic:
  “Arabic… the best poetry. It’s so romantic and amazing and difficult. You’re never going to sound like a native speaker… but I always strive to get as close to the mark as possible.” (41:45)

• On authentic accents:
  “I’m Jamaican… I’m always seeing people doing Jamaican accents and—who was on set for that? As a Jamaican it doesn’t sound good to you, so I always strive… to honor that culture.” (42:50)

• On weirdest fake accent in film:
  “Cool Runnings… that movie upset me. But it wasn’t even about the accents…” (45:18)

• On “toe shoes” and body health:
  “The thing is, our toes are in prison in normal shoes… the older I get, the more I’m interested in the integrity of my spine, my knees, my ankles… I love these toe shoes.” (46:19)

• Foot jokes:
  “We can start an OnlyFans for our feet!” (48:07)

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6. The Egg of Ch-Truth: Lighthearted Group Q&A (51:02–58:13)

• Apocalypse & skincare routines:
  Jodie: “I'm trying to look cute for the aliens. Right till the end.” (51:57–52:07)
• Admitting flaws:
  Lovett: “I have McDonald’s a little too often… but I’m enjoying earning the points and the rewards.” (54:21)
• Conspiracy theories:
  Jodie: “Aliens. 100%. But is it even a conspiracy theory anymore?” (57:55)
• 5-second rule & eating off the floor:
  Stamos: “Yes. Well, it’s the 5 second rule. The 10 second rule. I just got new floors, so now it’s a 30 second rule.” (58:20)

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7. "Second Thoughts"—Reflections & Regrets (59:56–62:10)

• Lovett: “I went pretty deep on New York City elections for an audience of LA based John Stamos fans… I gave the audience permission to laugh at Jewish people, but forgot to retract it at the end of the show per the bylaws of Woke 2.0.” (59:56)
• Stamos: “Why did I have to name five birds?!” (56:57)
• Jodie: “No regrets. No regret. R A G R E T S.” (62:08)

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NOTABLE QUOTES & MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• Lovett:
  “If you’re worried that voters chose candidates that you view as unacceptable, maybe it’s worth asking why the establishment candidates are viewed as even less acceptable. Even Domino’s owned up to the fact that their pizza needed work.” (04:35)
• Stamos on gratitude:
  “If a good-looking person is not grateful, it’s really ugly. It’s ugly.” (21:15)
• Jodie Turner-Smith:
  “The thing is, our toes are in prison in our normal shoes… the body is so intelligent… the older I get, the more I’m interested in the integrity of my spine.” (46:10–46:40)
• Audience game moment:
  Stamos on Broadway: “People love these characters. Let’s embrace it, you know?” (34:52)
• Stamos on kindness and discipline:
  “My dad… was a guy who would treat the busboy the same way he would treat his best customer. And he really was that kind of man. And I loved him so much.” (27:35)

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TIMESTAMPS FOR IMPORTANT SEGMENTS

• 01:17 — Lovett’s satirical Week in Review: NYC Elections
• 10:00 — Supreme Court decisions
• 15:14 — John Stamos joins; therapy jokes, career journey
• 24:18 — John Stamos audience game segment
• 38:05 — Jodie Turner-Smith interview begins
• 51:02 — “Egg of Ch-Truth” Q&A
• 59:56 — “Second Thoughts” regrets/reflections

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TONE & STYLE

The episode blends Lovett’s signature political satire and earnestness (“the safety of me being Jewish to make these kinds of jokes… you can feel comfortable laughing”) with free-wheeling celebrity banter and spirited live-audience energy. Both serious and silly, the show pokes at politics, media, and pop culture, while offering real insight on the struggle to build progressive coalitions—and reminders to be grateful, stay curious, and not take yourself too seriously.

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FOR THOSE WHO DIDN’T LISTEN

This episode is a lively blend of sharp political humor, hot takes on the future of the Democratic Party, intimate and funny celebrity interviews, audience games, and playful musings on everything from hair transplants to authentic language in acting—and yes, toe shoes. With memorable anecdotes and quick wit throughout, it captures the spirit of Lovett or Leave It: clever, current, and a little bit weird, but always grounded in hope for accountability and joy in absurdity.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

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[A]

20:26 McDonald's at FIFA World Cup 20:26 Love it or Leave it it's love it or leave it. Or leave it. Welcome to Love or Live from Hollywood. I'm Jon Lovett and in the spirit of socialism, thank you for waiting in line to hear these free jokes. We've got a great show for you tonight, but first, let's get into it. What a week. New York City voters went to the polls on Tuesday and the three left wing candidates endorsed by Mayor Zoran Mandani swept their races with two toppling establishment backed incumbents. Viva la revolucion. Shouted Senator Chuck Schumer in a keffiyeh, trying to blend former city comptroller and mayoral candidate Brad Lander beat incumbent Congressman Dan Goldman in the city's 10th district, the most hard fought battle between two Jewish men in their 50s since every time the check comes Lander. Lander described the war in Gaza as a genocide and called for banning military aid for Israel, while Goldman, who lost by more than 30 points, has been very critical of Netanyahu. While opposing an outright ban and accepting support from aipac, Goldman attributed his loss to anti Semitism. But Brad Lander is also Jewish and New York's 10th district is one of the most Jewish in the country. That dog don't hunt, that gefilte, it don't fish. Here's Lander on Wednesday on where he thinks the Democratic establishment went wrong. We can't be a party that compromises on some people's humanity. Democratic voters are saying loud and clear they don't want to pay for any more of Netanyahu's wars and they need that change in the party. So first of all, I don't think you can blame that guy winning on anti Semitism. If he came across any more Jewish, I think bagels would be literally falling out of his mouth. I'm Jewish. If you're not that familiar with the show, there's the safety of me being Jewish to make these kinds of jokes so you can feel comfortable laughing even if you're not Jewish and not familiar. I give you that permission, which I'm allowed to do according to the laws of woke 2.0, which are actually different than the laws of woke. Oh, in which I could not give you that permission. And me making these jokes. Jokes would have been a trap. Conservatives immediately began an epic freakout On Tuesday night. President Bush's former press secretary, Ari Fleischer tweeted free advice to New Yorkers. Get out while you still can. The rise of socialism and NYC will threaten everyone. Maudani's power will increase. Socialists will gain more seats and they're coming next for you. Get out now. And to all the fleeing New Yorkers, we welcome you to Los Angeles. Less socialism. Yeah. And as of this morning, we finally extinguished the massive warehouse fire that was blanketing the region in smoke. Great news, everybody. It has been one day since our city was on fire. In the wee hours. That's what we're applauding now. God, we gotta get it together in

[B]

LA

[A]

in the wee hours. On Wednesday morning, Trump posted America the Beautiful will never be a communist country. Yeah, if America were communist, the next thing you know, the state would be blaming sabotage for its own incompetence and allowing corrupt insiders to buy contracts and pardons and using state run media to smear their enemies and nationalizing important companies and censoring the free press and putting political hacks in charge of intelligence agencies and using the Justice Department to target political opponents and refusing to enforce the law against their friends. And we can't have that. That would be terrible. It is true that one of the winning Democratic socialists, Dara Eliza Avila Chevalier, has said some really dumb stuff. So is Maine Senate nominee Graham Platner. In both cases, voters chose these candidates over long serving well known political figures in their 70s. So if you're worried that voters chose candidates that you view as unacceptable, maybe it's worth asking why the establishment candidates are viewed as even less acceptable. Even Domino's owned up to the fact that their pizza needed work. Establishment Democrats should look inward and ask, are we arriving cold? Congealed? And when you pull off a slice, the cheese from the neighboring slice comes with so you have to kind of rip it apart with your fingers, which sucks. Are we even delivering at all? Former DNC Chair Jamie Harrison posted. If you hate the Democratic Party, then don't run for our nomination. But isn't there a word for someone who hates the Democratic Party but runs as a Democrat anyway? I remember it now. The word is Democrat. Here's James Carville.

[C]

It's time for Democrats to talk the S word Schism. I really do. Everybody's always said, no, no, we're coalition,

[A]

we're a big tent and there's just some shit that I can't be in the same tent with. Okay, you can't say the S word, then say the S word is schism. And then say shit. So help him God, he will turn this Carville around. Ragin Cajun More like Agent Cajun. Look, is Zoram Hamdani not supposed to boost his allies and try to power in order to enact his agenda? Isn't that the entire point of politics? Do you think he should just fuck off at 5 and veg out watching the hit? Procedural Elspeth Sure, I would prefer it if my Settlers of Catan opponents didn't build settlements and cities, but I would probably dislike them even more if they didn't try. At the same time, the more power the DSA gains, the more responsibility this movement has. Avila Chevalier took heat for old social media posts in which she called for abolishing police in prisons, called Joe Biden a rapist, said Fuck Kamala Harris, and denied Israel's existence. She also once tweeted that white people should only marry other white people, so don't say she's not capable of crossing the aisle. But Avila Chevalier deleted and disavowed some of her most incendiary posts, saying, I have grown considerably in the years since these tweets, and that post ended with I, like Stalin, am just misunderstood. But she has since apologized and deleted that as well. I'm glad she's walked back her worst comments. In the same way I'm glad Graham Platner has apologized for the mistakes he made. And as a token of my appreciation, I will walk back one of my own dumb comments. In hindsight, Trump is going to win in 2016. Does it mean you have to like these people? No. Does it mean you can't be critical when you disagree? Of course not. But this is a democracy and nobody gets to take their ball and go home. It was wrong when a faction of the left refused to support Kamala Harris in 2024. Yes, the anger was rooted in moral outrage over the Biden administration's response to Gaza. But the anger being valid does not make ignoring stakes of an election righteous. You can feel something and then choose how you respond to that feeling. That's something I learned in therapy back when I still needed that. There are some on the left who are more animated by attacking Democrats than working with them to defeat Republicans. And there are centrists like James Carville and Jamie Harrison who seem willing to help Republicans use three socialists in three of the most liberal districts in the country to suggest it represents the entire Democratic Party. And I say to all of them what I say to people who bring both small dogs and big dogs into the grocery store. Shame on all of you equally. But sometimes I do it and when I do it, it's fine. This is a coalition that runs from anti Trump former Republicans to Mamdani, from Pennsylvania governor Josh Shapiro to Vermont independent Bernie Sanders. And that's what it will take. The answer to right wing authoritarianism is a diverse democratic movement big enough to stop it. And if holding that coalition together were easy, we'd all be home by now watching Elsbeth Thursdays on cbs. Which is why I'm going to ask you all to immediately go to votesaveamerica.com and sign up to help win the midterms. Because look at what we've seen just this week. In a 6, 3 decision, the Supreme Court's conservative majority allowed Trump to end the Temporary Protected Status program for Haitians and Syrians, which allowed people fleeing violence and natural disasters to live and work in the United States. See, I told you what we were doing was right, said an ICE officer to his ex wife before her new husband walked him back to his car and reminded him kindly but firmly that he's only supposed to stop by the house on Fridays to pick up the kids. Justice Samuel Alito, writing for the majority, rejected claims that the administration's decision had anything to do with racism towards Haitians. We now go to Trump for a response. They're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats. Why do we want these people from, quote, all these shithole countries here? The permanent pause on third world migration,

[C]

including from hellholes like Afghanistan.

[A]

I didn't say shit. All you did. I still don't hear it, said Samuel Alito, getting ready to unwind by watching the latest episode of Elsbeth. It's a show for everybody. In another decision, a 7:2 majority rejected the lawsuit of a Missouri man who claimed that the weed killer roundup caused his cancer. The two justices who dissented, liberal Ketanji Brown Jackson and conservative Neil Gorsuch. Weird day on the bench. It's like when I got paired with that popular girl in science class. And you know what? We actually had like a fun time and laughed a lot. And then later I saw her in the lunchroom and I thought she was waving at me, but she was waving at somebody behind me. The jury awarded John Durnel, a gardener in St. Louis who developed non Hodgkin's lymphoma, a $1.25 million award, which the Supreme Court has now overturned. Okay, but what if I already spent the money? Said Durnel, trying to cover up a pile of lobster shells in the passenger footwell of his G wagon. Brett Kavanaugh, writing for the majority, said that the jury couldn't punish Monsanto for failing to warn consumers because a warning label would conflict with the Trump administration's finding that Roundup is safe. Studies have shown a link between Roundup's active ingredient glyphosate and cancer. And I will continue to trust our scientists until they tell me to stop drinking Diet Coke, at which point I'll completely break Diet Coke in my left hand, Ivermectin in my right hand, and Dr. Fauci in my fucking trunk. Alright, and we have got a great show for you tonight. We'll be right back with John Stamos. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up. Love or Leave it is brought to you by bilt. Whether you're renting or paying a mortgage, one of your biggest monthly expenses should be working harder for you. That's where BILT comes in. BILT is the membership for where you live that rewards you with points on every housing payment wherever you live. 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Love it or leave it is brought to you by Helix A good night's sleep is so important is what sets you up for a good day. You don't get a good night's sleep the whole next day is it's pretty well, you know, and sometimes, you know, I trouble sleeping sometimes because of my brain and but then, you know, then the next day is even worse and you have trouble sleeping the next night. It's a vicious circle. But with Helix, you know you have a really comfortable mattress that you know will make it really nice to settle in at the end of a long day. Helix delivers your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. how do you know which mattress is right for you? Take the Helix Sleep Quiz and it'll match you with the perfect mattress based on your personal preferences and sleep needs. They have over 20 mattress models so you can find the perfect model for you. The Happy with Helix Guarantee offers a risk free customer first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new mattress so you can rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges. Plus, Helix offers a 120 night sleep trial and limited lifetime warranty. And I have a Dawnlux. It's super comfortable. I really like it. It's great and it's better than my past mattress so you should check it out. Go to helixsleep.com love it for 20% off site wide that's helixsleep.com love it For 20% off sitewide helixsleep.com loveit. And we're back. The one and only John Stamos will be out in just a moment. But first a huge thank you to our friends of the pod. If you're not yet a Subscriber, consider this your midterm reminder. As a subscriber, you get a discounted ticket to CrookedCon. You get ad free episodes of all your favorite pods. You unlock more Pod Save America, including Pod Save America. Only Friends, which is our subscription only show where we really let loose. You get the open tabs newsletter. You get Dan Pfeiffer's show Polar Coaster where you get a deep dive into the latest polling. Get ad free breaking news. Plus your subscription helps support a growing pro democracy media company working to challenge the right online and get good information to people. So Please go to crooked.com friends to learn more and sign up. Also, if you are in LA, you can still get [e-mail] events to check out our new space and upcoming guests including comedians Margaret Cho, Langston Kerman and Dana Gould. Plus we have the first Gen Z member of Congress, Maxwell Frost joining us. Go to crooked.com events. All right, please welcome to the stage it's America's hot ass uncle. It's John Stamos. Hi. Thank you for being here. Come on in.

[C]

How does that make me feel, doc?

[A]

Oh, you want to do some therapy?

[C]

Yeah, go ahead. I bet you're a good therapist.

[A]

So where do we leave off?

[C]

Well, I was gonna.

[A]

So you didn't expect that.

[C]

That's fine. That's good. Did they ask where we left off?

[A]

You should know sometimes if they're bad.

[C]

Oh, hi, John. Hi. Hi. I'm so impressed with you. You are a young man who's accomplished so much and you're just, you're extremely impressive and I'm happy to meet you and I hope to be on your show.

[A]

That's nice.

[C]

You can clap.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Do you know this is a good audience. They're great because you were laying out some sophisticated jokes and they were laughing really hard.

[A]

It's a sophisticated crowd.

[C]

I could tell they're good looking too.

[A]

I could tell they can. Hey, handsome. Nice looking. I felt they could handle it. So do you feel like you were. Was. Look, I think not many people get to have the experience of being a classic 80s 90s heartthrob. That was a very special time. It was a special time in the culture. And I wonder if you've like thought like, first of all, do you have any specific surprising experiences of being a heartthrob? And was it ever like, look, obviously I think there's a lot of people that would, I don't know, drive a car through their family's home to get to be a heartthrob. But where they're like they didn't make it hard at times saying like, you were like tagged. It's like, no, he's too good looking to play that kind of lawyer.

[C]

Right, right, right. Well, I always hate good looking people that say, oh, I was too good looking to get work and stuff. I plowed through everything and you know, like Full House was. I'm just kind of coming around to really understanding why people love it. I have an 8 year old son and he watches it. I think he watches it to mock me basically, because I'll be like, billy, put Legos. Like, you got it, dude. He's giving me catchphrases. But the, you know, there were no main character. The main character on the show was love. And it so it. But it took me many, many, many years to accept, you know, to accept it. And I've been able to do Broadway and you know, I've been on. I was on ER for years and list my stuff, but I got, I've got to do, you know, stuff that, you know, wasn't really based on looks or that kind of thing. Did I answer your question?

[A]

Do you feel like Full House? You said like it took a while to embrace it. Did you struggle with that? Did you feel like it wasn't what you wanted? What do you mean?

[C]

It wasn't what I wanted per se when I was doing it. But then I came around to it after a year or two, I realized, you know, this is really beautiful show and it's good for families. But then it was tough, you know, the guy from Full House. It was hard to get work that I wanted to do. So it took me a while, but I'm just grateful I got to do so many things since then, but it was a blessing. My whole life has been a blessing. I'm leading with gratitude these days because I can't, you know, in a blink of an eye, you're. Thank you. In a blink of an eye you're old. You know, you're not there yet, but you just go like, what happened? It just goes by so fast. Like every moment. You have to. I don't want to sound like Oprah or something, but you really have to, like, enjoy every moment and be in the moment, like be here with you right now. It's difficult, but it's, you know, it's worth it because at the end of the day I can go. I was really there for the audience. I was really connected to John and that I had a good day.

[A]

You know, it's so important to be present.

[C]

It's hard, though. It takes energy, doesn't it?

[A]

Yes. I can be present here, but rarely in other places.

[C]

Right. Do you have ADD?

[A]

Like 100%?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it's a terminal case. Yeah. They study me at night. The scientists study my brain. They're like, wow, this is an archetypal. We should cut this brain up. Up when he's done with it.

[C]

But I think people with real good ADD are brilliant.

[A]

And I think you'd like to think so.

[C]

I think it's an asset and not. Not a good. Because you bouncing around and thinking of ideas. But, you know, it's good to focus and you seem focused now.

[A]

Now I'll stay, but I'm also on Adderall. But the. Oh, boy, the Adderall really makes a difference.

[C]

Does it make you calm you down?

[A]

That's the thing. That's crazy. I know I have it because it brings me down. I mean, obviously I have an amped energy, but that's biological. I'm always like this. But when I take the what's if? Like, it's. That's an upper right. When I take it, I kind of lock into the mechanism. And so you need it. You're a good candidate. Well, because when I used to write speeches, I would wait until the last possible moment where, if I don't start right now, I'm going to be in trouble. And this is for, like, the President of the United States. I literally am procrastinating as to the last possible moment and right when I should be filled with an unadulterated level of panic. This is a speech about the economy during a financial crisis across the globe. I'll take a 10 to 15 minute nap. You gotta conk out at the worst moment. Then you get up and boy, are you in trouble. And then I would write through the night. I'd write through the night.

[C]

What was your favorite speech that you wrote?

[A]

Oh, well, you know, I wrote.

[C]

You're so young to be writing these speeches by these powerful people that are saying your words. What does that feel like? Let me interview you for a while.

[A]

You can interview me, sure. I will say this. I would say this. If you saw. If you saw. If we could see what I would look like without the hair transplants and the various.

[C]

You don't have hair.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Three of them. Do you really?

[C]

Did you go to Turkey?

[A]

Turkey? No, go to Turkey. I won't go. I won't let someone cut me in a place I can't sue.

[C]

Okay, Right, right, right, right. I've had four.

[A]

You've had four. No, this is court. This is natural.

[C]

But you're unbelievable. Now, I would never guess that you had hair transplants. I know.

[A]

I went to a good guy.

[C]

Did it hurt?

[A]

Yeah. Okay, but, but why did you have three?

[C]

Did he mess it up the first two?

[A]

No, no, no, because you keep losing. You know what I mean? It's like.

[C]

Did they take it from. From your pubic hairs? Like, what is that? Where's. Well, they're working their way. I mean.

[A]

No, no, it's. Thank you for asking. They take it from the head and the hole.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

That's the back of that. Just the back of that. This is just your hair.

[C]

Your hair does spell.

[A]

You just get to have this hair. Yeah. Thanks a lot. This, this is just your hair.

[C]

It goes back to my gratitude. I'm so grateful. I have.

[A]

Should be grateful.

[C]

My, my spirit animal is Jamie Lee Curtis and every morning we, we. We write what we're grateful for, what we're feel fearful of and like an attribute or something, like a, you know, a lover or.

[A]

Oh, that's so nice. I do think people, if a good looking person is not grateful, it's really ugly. It's ugly.

[B]

Ugly.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because look at what you were given. That hairline is crazy. That's crazy.

[C]

I don't think about it.

[A]

You should. Okay, you should think.

[C]

I'm gonna start thinking about it.

[A]

You ever think about. They ever wake up? God, I'm handsome. Come on. You must. That's crazy. No, you're like you'd never do.

[C]

Sometimes I think you should. I love you. You're really great.

[A]

Thanks.

[C]

I mean, I did, you know, I was flattered that you asked me to be on here and I've. I've watched you and I've listened to you on the other podcast and you're just. And I just sort of did a deep dive on you. I'm just fascinated by you.

[A]

What the heck? What the heck is happening? Stop charming me, John Stamos. I'll run. This is my show. These are my microphones. That's something Reagan said in a debate once. Okay, so you're playing the July 4th fireworks spectacular with the Beach Boys.

[C]

That's right. Yes.

[A]

And you're a drummer?

[C]

Yes, I am.

[A]

You know, can I. That's so cool.

[C]

One of the greatest thrills of my life to play with, with. They're my, you know, they were always my favorite. Who's your all time favorite band?

[A]

I quick. The Beach Boys, probably.

[C]

Come on.

[A]

What would my favorite band?

[C]

Beatles.

[A]

The Beatles are great. Rolling Stones. Are great. I went. I saw them in a concert once. Yeah, they're great. I'm really more of a book guy.

[C]

Will you come to a concert sometime?

[A]

Would love to.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Would love to. Paul McCartney said, God only Knows from Pet Sounds is the greatest song ever written. Do you agree with me that it's Barbara Ann?

[C]

No, I think he was right. That's a perfect song. Perfect song. And, you know, like, I've been playing with the beach boys for 40 years now, since before, you know, how. What year were you born?

[A]

I was born 1982.

[C]

Yeah. So about three years after you were born, I started.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

And the world needs the music more than ever now. The optimism, the positivity. You know, in the 60s, they were writing songs that, you know, they were just painting this tableau of optimism and Camelot and wouldn't it be nice and fun, fun, fun? And the whole world, you remember, wanted to be us around that time because they, you know, they believed in this thing that the Beach Boys were putting out. Not so much anymore, but still we're doing it. And the crowds are great. And I always say discord is at an all time high and decency at an all time low. But when you, you know, have the Beach Boy music, you know, to bring people together and it doesn't matter what side of the fence you're on, how old you are, whatever it is, I've seen, you know, I've seen it for so many years now. Just the crowd go crazy for the band.

[A]

I think, like, when I was a kid, I remember thinking, oh, like, the Beatles are the serious band and the Beach Boys are, like, silly and light. And then at some point I learned, like, no, what's happening in. In Pet Sounds is shockingly technical and actually was like, an obsession in part because of the competition with the Beatles. Do you ever talk to the band about that?

[C]

Yeah, we talk about it sometimes. I know that. That, you know, the Beatles heard Pet Sounds and then they did sergeant Pepper after that, but Brian Wilson was obsessed with the Beatles as well. The Beatles heard, heard. I think Bruce Johnston of the band took an acetate of Pet Sounds over to their hotel and played it for them, and they flipped out.

[A]

You know, in the 80s, yeah, everyone prayed that they, too, could be raised by three hilarious kind dads in a huge house in San Francisco instead of your dumb real house with your dumb actual family. But, John Samos, you've. You've had an incredible career across so many different shows and films, which is why we're going to play a classic love it or leave it game, which is, was I in this? Okay, and here's how it works. We are going to ask trivia questions about your career. If you think you know the answer, you can raise your hand and we'll bring you the mic to reply. I don't remind you, this is an excuse to talk to John Stamos. All right, so here are the questions for you. This is your set of questions, and I'll read the ones that say love it, and you'll read the ones that say John.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

Does someone here want to face the gauntlet of a trivia question?

[C]

Oh. Even before you hear it? Okay, come on.

[A]

No, Paloma's gonna come to the. Paloma's gonna bring the mic.

[C]

I'm running the show now.

[A]

Okay. John Stamos is.

[C]

Look at. Stand up. Can you look at the shirt she's wearing?

[A]

Oh, look at that. Oh, we have an Uncle Jesse shirt. That's so cool. Look at that.

[C]

Go ahead.

[A]

What's your name?

[D]

Christine.

[A]

Christine. John Stamos first role was Blackie Parrish on the legendary soap opera General Hospital in 1982. True or false? That's correct. Look at that. This is very sweet. This is very sweet.

[C]

She won't let go.

[A]

What'd you say? She's not letting go. She's not gonna let go. And we'll get the security.

[C]

Can we go to commercial? Yeah.

[A]

Shut it down. Shut it down.

[B]

Nice.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Now, you were gonna enter your first semester of college, but you said, fuck it, right? I'm talking to you now.

[C]

Well, I tried. I couldn't find the sign up room for college. I know you smart guys can find that, but I didn't. And so my dad really wanted me to go to college and take over his hamburger business. I worked at his hamburger joint. In fact, I got on General Hospital, and he still made me work on Sundays. And so when I called home, I said, I got this rolling. General Hospital. You could hear my dad in the background going, tell him you can't work on Sundays. You're my Sunday guy. And I still worked during the week, and the show started to air and people would come in, say, hey, aren't you the. No, give me a cheeseburger and a thing. So, yeah, so I didn't go to college, but I. I thought, I gotta become famous. So I, you know, so I did.

[A]

Smart. Smart. You did it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Was General Hospital good training? Like, it seems so intense that you don't get to go back. You don't get A lot of takes. You have to go and get your shooting. So much like this show. This show. Yeah, we. Yeah, this show is a lot like.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Like a. Like a soap opera.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a soap opera.

[C]

It's. I think soap opera actors would think that it's insulting to say it was a training ground. But it. But it. But it was. There's some great actors. I work with, Tony Geary quite a bit, who played Luke. And I was just. I learned so much from him. And so. So there's these great actors on there. It was a lot. I had, like, 20, 30 pages a day. But I just loved it because it was my first job. And I just, you know, was.

[A]

Yeah, I don't mean it.

[D]

No.

[A]

I could see how that could be, like, kind of. But I mean, like, just as far as going on to other sets. Like, these are sets where you have to know your shit. You have to show up every day. You gotta be ready. You don't get the luxury of getting to learn it as you're doing it. You have to be there and ready.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

You know, that seems like a cool thing about it.

[C]

I think a lot. I learned a lot of discipline from that show. Showing up on time and being nice to people. My dad, you know, kept me working there. And my dad was a guy who would treat the busboy the same way he would treat his best customer. And he really was that kind of man. And I loved him so much. He was my hero. He passed away and, you know, when. When kids think their parents are heroes, and then eventually they're like, oh, he's just a man. Like, I never got to that phase. My dad was always cooler and bigger than life to me. And so he. But he came out on the set and saw me talking to a crew guy and said, okay, you're ready. I'll let you quit. You go to work.

[A]

That's cool. That's a nice story.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Does anyone. Who wants to go next. What's your name? Razel. Razel.

[C]

Razel.

[A]

Yeah. Razel.

[C]

That's a new one.

[A]

Do you want to do the next question? It's on the next page.

[C]

I appeared in the 1980 music video for the Beach Boys Help Me Run Live at Nebworth, where you could see me briefly dancing off stage. Is that true or false?

[D]

True.

[A]

It's false.

[C]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. It was Kokomo.

[A]

It was Kokomo. Do we have a clip?

[C]

That's not me.

[A]

We're getting. Wait, where are you? There he is. Oh, just a Flash. Look at that point you got.

[C]

It's so cool because it sort of looks like he's hitting on me. Like I'm playing, like. And I kind of look at him, like, in a sexy way, and he's like, hey, you.

[A]

Who wasn't hitting on you in that era? Well, I played the. I played the drum set. I was in the Williams College steel pan band with all the Jamaican students, but I didn't play the steel pans. I played the drum kit with the steel pan band.

[C]

Wow. So you must have been pretty good.

[A]

I was fine.

[C]

I think you should show up and sit in with us one day.

[A]

Okay. Okay. That's a yes.

[C]

Yeah. Maybe not at the Hollywood Bowl.

[A]

No, I think we should start smaller. Start smaller than the Hollywood Bowl?

[C]

Yeah. Were you around in. You know, the Beach Boys played for the 4th of July every year at. At the Washington monument and for 750,000 people or something like that. That was one of the first times I played with them in 85.

[A]

That's cool.

[C]

Yeah, it was. The monument was nice then.

[A]

I was. Yeah, it was. It was the monument. The monument's the same. The algae hasn't gotten to the monument yet. Boy, it'll be sad to see when the algae takes the monument.

[C]

That'll be a sad day, I think. I wish you guys. I don't want to get political because I'll get in trouble, but, you know. But will you guys put out a video? I need you to put a video out of just the facts. Don't make jokes about it. Don't bullshit about it.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

Show video of him. Show facts, real facts. Show price, gas prices. Take pictures of gas stations if you have to, go in grocery stores if you have to, but make it so undeniably TR around with jokes and no opinion about it. You know what I'm saying? So I can show my sister and the Republicans and my family and friends.

[A]

Let's edit the jokes out of this episode and get it to John Stamos sister.

[C]

But do you know what I mean?

[A]

I know what you mean.

[C]

I know what you mean. Like, you know, the far right is not gonna watch you or listen to you or Kimmel or Seth or any of this or these podcasters or these great guys on David Pakman's one of my favorite. Know they're not getting to the people that need to see this. Do you think?

[A]

I think that. Yes. I think it is. It is hard to get good information in front of people. I think sometimes we overestimate the ways in which the problem is the facts that are getting to people. And underestimate the importance of people deciding they want to see the facts. Right. That. That there's certain. Like, there's no amount of.

[C]

Of.

[A]

I think the deeper problem. Right. Is there are a lot of people that aren't really receptive to the facts because there's a deeper truth that we haven't gotten to them yet is how I sometimes feel about it. Because the problem right now is not that people don't know who Donald Trump is. I think that there's something else going on would be my feeling about it.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But I don't think the video is a bad idea. I think we should still do it.

[C]

Okay, let's do it.

[A]

You also.

[C]

I can't stop looking at your hair.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, it's fantastic.

[A]

They did a great job.

[C]

Yeah. I think it's easier with curly hair.

[A]

It is.

[C]

Because you get to put the curls in front.

[A]

The curls in front. You can mess it up. You have. There's more room for error. For sure. There's more room for error.

[C]

Have you had any other surgery? Anything else?

[A]

I had my ears pinned back.

[C]

You did? No.

[A]

Yeah, When I was a little kid. Yeah. They were super out.

[C]

Like a taxi cab with the doors open.

[A]

Yeah, basically. Yeah. Like dumbo. Basically. They were. They were real dumbo. They were big ears. They were big and they were. Ouch. They were right. They were ouch.

[C]

And how did they pit? Let me see. Is there.

[A]

You can see there's a scar in the back. You can see.

[C]

You see it?

[A]

You see?

[C]

How did they do that?

[A]

They cut it open. Open. And they make the fold. That wasn't given to me by the. By the. By the code.

[C]

Yeah. How old were you?

[A]

There's like 12.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Okay. And back they went. I don't know why we waited till right after the kids stopped making fun of me. But that's when we like, hey, you know what a great time to do that was? Six, seven. No, let's wait till I'm 13.

[C]

But were you bar mitzvah? Did you? Yeah. Okay, so they're out in there.

[A]

But the years were there for the bar mitzvah. They were. I think it was after the bar mitzvah.

[C]

So you were 13?

[A]

Yeah, maybe it was 13. You're right. I was 13.

[C]

Do I have to fact check for you? No, you're right. This is what the problem. Don't get the facts.

[A]

Just no opinion. Just give them the straight dope, the skinny.

[C]

No joke.

[A]

Raw data.

[C]

The ear date.

[A]

The ears were out they were out. Yeah.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[A]

But it was okay. It's great. It was good. Yeah. I think it was the right thing to do, though. Maybe it was my calling card, you know, It'd been like, oh, you know that guy with the ears.

[C]

No, you don't want that.

[A]

Nah, it was a good.

[C]

I collect Disney stuff, as I said earlier, and I have a Dumbo in my living room.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

But they're. His ears are worse than.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. No, famously.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't. I think I'd hit terminal velocity if I jumped off of that diving board and I. You know what I mean? I don't think I'd be able to swoop up. Yeah, I don't think I could swoop poop up. Let's do one more right there. Paloma.

[C]

Hi.

[A]

What's your name?

[B]

Hello.

[C]

Max.

[A]

Max.

[C]

Hi, Max.

[A]

So nice to meet you, Max. I love your energy,

[C]

Max. What about my energy? We do have chemistry.

[A]

Oh, really? Oh, sorry.

[C]

You're supposed to ask questions.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I'm asking.

[C]

Staring at Max like, you know, John

[A]

Stamos starred on Broadway in Gore Vidal's the Best Man Along James alongside James Earl Jones. True or false?

[C]

True.

[A]

That is true.

[C]

I talked to James about Perception. This was a heavy duty political. Do you know that show, that Gore Vidal play by chance? Oh, you would love it. It should be out now, but it was a three hour heavy drama. And here I am toe to toe with one of the greatest actors ever, James Earl Jones. And we finished it and I called him Big Daddy. I said, big Daddy, I gotta tell you. Yes, Little John, I said, you have changed people's perception of me. You've really legit. Here I am with you on Broadway, you know, with the greatest actor. I think people really see me in a different way. And you really changed people's opinion of me. As we're walking open the stage door and there was a bunch of people out there. Uncle Jesse, Uncle Jesse say, have mercy. And I couldn't look at him. I was like, oh, my God, everything I just said. And I finally. I kind of looked up a little bit and I could see someone talking to him going, james, could you say, luke, I am your father into my phone free thing? And we looked at each other and said, fuck it, Fuck it. What are we going to do? People love these characters. Let's embrace it, you know?

[A]

That's great. That's a great place to leave it. Catch John Stamos with the Beach Boys at the Hollywood bowl for the July 4th fireworks spectacular on July 2nd, 3rd and 4th. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It Or Leave it coming up. Love It Or Leave it is brought to you by Willie's Remedy. What kind of moment is perfect for Willy's? Basically there's not a moment that isn't it's great. Willy's.

[C]

I love Willies.

[A]

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[C]

Welcome.

[A]

Thank you.

[D]

Sideways.

[A]

Oh, thank you. Thank you for being here.

[B]

Hi.

[C]

Hi.

[A]

I know you got to go to John Stamos. You can't. Yeah, Come on.

[C]

Nice to see you.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I was gonna wear that outfit and.

[D]

But we're matching. Oh, yeah, yeah. Listen, so there was a memo, I think. Where are we? Robbers. Bank robbers. Who's driving the getaway car?

[A]

It's like I'm not even fucking here. Hi, nice to meet you.

[C]

Hi.

[A]

So you are in agency with Michael Fassbender, Richard Gere and Geoffrey Wright, but you were in a relationship with Michael Fassbender's character in the series. What's the most annoying thing about Michael Fassbender in real life? How do we take this guy down a peg?

[D]

You know what's so annoying is that he's actually so fucking cool.

[A]

That sucks. Don't you hate it when you meet these sort of handsome guys that get so much plaudits for being good looking and they're actually charming and personable? Don't you find that frustrating?

[D]

You know what? Actually, no. You know what? No. Cause I'm not a hater. And, you know, I love that. I love that. Because what's more annoying is, like, these charming, handsome guys, and they're like, pieces of shit. I much prefer, like, a charming, handsome guy. And he's actually, like, charming, handsome, completely unserious. So fun to work with.

[C]

I'm right here.

[D]

John, call your agents and tell them that you want us to work together.

[C]

I would love.

[D]

So I can talk about you like this, but no, he's. You know, Michael is actually, like, really wonderful. And also just, like. He's just. There's no. There's no fucking frills. He's just, like, real. He's down to earth. I really love that. He's Irish, so we love the Irish.

[A]

What a weird reaction from this side.

[D]

They were like, oh, was that sympathy or excitement?

[A]

Strange. Like, you're like the queen's guard or something. All right, so you filmed in Morocco this season. What was your Morocco experience like?

[D]

Oh, my God, I love Morocco. What's crazy is the year prior, I had been in Morocco, I went to Marrakech for the first time. And when I was there, I was just like, I'm manifesting shooting in Morocco. And then Agency season two, they were like, we're shooting. We shot in Tangier and Rabban. And it was. It was magical. It was amazing, too, because it's like, you know, sometimes you do something and you're only on location for, like, a second. But we were literally out there for, like, a month, and it was so nice. I loved it. I love Morocco.

[A]

That's so cool. You have to speak different languages on the show, though. And didn't you have to speak Arabic? Is that right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

How that seems. How do you. How did you figure? What. How do you do that? How do you have to learn to speak the language? Like, did you have to. Like, how do you do that?

[D]

Listen, you know, Arabic is, first of all, it's, I think, one of the most beautiful languages in all of existence. And also the most. Yeah. And also the best poetry, the most lit poetry. It's just. It's so romantic and amazing and. And difficult. It's like, obviously, I mean, you're never going to sound like a native speaker when you're not a native speaker. It's just, you know, you can't fake it. So I was like, how can we help me get. Get as close to the mark as possible? And, you know, I'm actually really grateful that, you know, production, you know, These producers, you know, they really invested in us because I can't tell you. I mean, I'm always asked to do an accent, and I can't tell you how many times, like, all the accent work has just been me coming out of my own pocket because I really care about it, feeling authentic and sounding authentic and, like, honoring that culture. Like, I'm Jamaican. Any Jamaicans in the audience? Audience? No, we're in California. Wait, I saw someone. Yeah, Suzette, my hairstylist. But, you know, as a Jamaican, like, I'm always seeing, you know, people doing, like, Jamaican accents, and I'm like, who was on set for that? Was there anybody there? Like, what's going on? And it's because, like, nine times out of 10, there is not anybody there, because unfortunately, like, audiences, Western audience, they'll just be like, just whatever sounds good to us. And when you're native, it doesn't sound good to you. And so I always strive to just like, how can I get at least as close to the mark as possible? And, you know, 101, David Glasser. You know, he was like, as soon as, you know, we had our season two renewal, like, basically almost immediately. And as soon as we had it, he was like, 100%. You can get less. So I was doing Arabic dialect lessons at the same time because, you know, it's. When you're doing another language, it's, you know, there's so many differences and nuances, but also it's like just where the words sit in your mouth is completely different. And I wanted to make it so that at least when I'm on set, you know, I'm not spending all this time just trying to work on how to say the words like I was in season one. I can be more about just, like, what the story is, because I've been practicing on how to say things and where everything is supposed to sit and having that comfortability with speaking the words.

[A]

John Stamos, can you do any accents?

[C]

No.

[D]

But you're Greek, aren't you?

[C]

I'm Greek, yeah. Can you do Greek accent?

[D]

I can't do a Greek accent.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

A little Matt.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's sort of. So that's you doing Dick Van Dyke doing. Doing a British accent.

[C]

Can you do accents?

[A]

Oh, no, it's best not to try. I used to be able to do Ariana Huffington Greek. Here we are. You know, it's the 21st century, and women have to sleep their way to the top. That was sort of the gist of it. You know, there I was On a catamaran with the cast of Glee, like, that kind of thing. So. And obviously, it's killing in the crowd. What accents do you find? What are the more challenging ones for you? What ones can you do?

[D]

You know, obviously, the Arabic was probably my most challenging in terms of that, because also, Arabic, it's. You know, I mean, also with every language where people don't think about this. I mean, there's so many different dialects. There's not just Sudanese Arabic, but, like, you know, Sudanese Arabic figures its own thing. And so that was definitely challenging, but also what I found challenging. I did a show called Bad Monkey where I played a Bahamian woman. And that was also challenging, you know, because. Also because, as I said, Caribbean's. You know, we're very, very critical, you know, and so it's like, you know, I was really working hard on that one.

[A]

Are there any. Have you. What is. Is there an example in your mind when you think of, like, I cannot believe. Believe that that is what was considered allowed to be a Jamaican accent. Like, what is, like, the mo. When you think of an example of, like, the worst one, what comes to mind? It's. Oh, if you don't want to say, say it anyway.

[D]

I feel like John has one.

[C]

I was trying to think, were there those Jamaican sled guys or something?

[D]

Oh, Cole Runnings, that movie.

[C]

Jamaican in there.

[A]

I wasn't brave enough to ask, but that's obviously what came to mind.

[D]

That movie upset me. But, you know, it wasn't even about the accents. It was just, you know, I mean, listen, we're making so many advances in our industry, thank God. But just, like, there was just so many things that really upset me about that that didn't even have to do with accent. I'm still angry about Cool Runnings. Just want you all to know. Angry.

[C]

Sorry I brought it up.

[A]

No, you were.

[D]

You brought up Cool Runnings. He stepped on my corn.

[A]

Hey, I want to ask you something. Do you remember British Vogue spotlighting your efforts to keep an original ugly shoe alive? Do you know what I'm talking about? Because we were talking about a lot when we heard you were gonna be on the show. Can we show the photo of the shoe? It's a shoe where your toes have individual.

[D]

My toe shoes.

[A]

Your toe shoes, where your toes are kind of visible. You have their gloves, but for the feet where your toes are visible. You know, those kinds of shoes. Do you like those kinds of shoes?

[D]

Obviously, I love them.

[A]

Are they comfortable, or is it weird having each toe in a little prison?

[D]

Do you know, here's the thing. But it's not a prison. The thing is, our toes are in prison in our normal shoes.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

The foot is supposed to function in a certain way, and it's not, you know, like, you know, the body. It's so intelligent. You know, it's like every single nerve is not just for, like, oh, ouch, that hurts. But it's also because. Sending a signal to the brain to let it know which muscles to activate. And, you know, the older I get, the more I'm like, I'm interested in the integrity of my spine.

[A]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[D]

Okay. My knees, my ankles, my hips, everything. And I actually. I love these toe shoes. You know, this has been a thing that people have been asking about. I love my toe shoes. Sometimes I try to reach for another shoe and I'm like, the toe shoes.

[A]

I'm gonna wear toe shoes. I've never worn them. John Samos.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Your foot has to get accustomed to walking in it. At first, it might hurt a little bit, and you're supposed to work up to wearing them for several hours.

[C]

Better grip. Can you climb a building or rob a bank? Rob a bank.

[D]

I mean, that's the whole point, right? Is you're supposed to be. Cause our toes were supposed to be. Literally be able to kind of monkey it. And you should. And I think it's like, for me. And listen, it's tough because we're walking around all day on very, very hard surfaces, which is also not very natural. So, you know, sometimes it doesn't work all the way if you're not at least walking on, like, some soft surfaces. Sand, grass, dirt.

[A]

Love walking on those stuff. Listen, so much better.

[D]

We need it.

[A]

I gotta get these toe shoes. Start walking around the beach, get the toe. It's a different life for me. A whole different life for me. My toes are in their little home. I'm walking on the water. John Stamos is there. We're wearing our toe shoes together. I'm playing with the Beach Boys.

[C]

Yeah, let's do it.

[D]

We could do like a little photo like this.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

With all our toe shoes.

[A]

We're getting good ratings on those feet websites.

[D]

Foot find out.

[C]

We can start an only fan for our feet.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Boy, that's gonna be so fun.

[D]

Honestly, it seems fun.

[C]

Yeah. You won't get a cut, by the way.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, that was understood that I'm a junior partner.

[C]

No, my feet aren't great.

[D]

I don't believe that.

[C]

They're not.

[D]

You're like, this is that's your thing, being cute?

[C]

No, no, no, my feet are not. They're not that good.

[D]

Hot uncle. I bet you've got nice feet. Look at me. I sound like Quentin Tarantino.

[A]

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[C]

What between your legs?

[A]

Oh. Oh, this?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

This is the egg of Ch Truth. Here's how it works. Inside of this egg, we have questions that probe sort of the. Some of the deeper and harder questions in life itself and some stupid ones. And we're just going to ask them. All right?

[D]

Okay.

[A]

And that's how it works. Here we go. First up.

[C]

Looks like pantyhose or something would be in that.

[A]

Yes, it does. Like those old pantyhose things. Like, I remember that.

[D]

Hundi should be in it. We're so close to east to. I hid so many eggs and stuffed them with so many things.

[A]

An asteroid is heading towards the Earth. What is the length of time left on Earth at which point you stop doing skincare? So if the asteroid is going to hit in 10 years, are we still doing the full routine? We're doing the serums. If it's one year, are we still moisturizing? If it's going to hit in three weeks, are we still doing under eye cream? When are we stopping the skincare and just saying it?

[D]

I mean, I'm trying to look cute for the aliens. I'm like, they're landing and I'm like, with my zip.

[A]

Right till the end.

[D]

Right?

[A]

Right to the end.

[D]

The end.

[A]

So the asteroids is growing bigger in the sky and you're like, also, I'm

[D]

such a controlling person. I'm like, I can at least control this. Oh, the world is ending. Let me make sure that my cheekbones are snatched.

[A]

Oh, that's nice. They're kind of a creature of routine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I like that. I like that. Live every day like your last.

[C]

I would say. Yeah, I would do it. It's takes a minute to put the cream on.

[D]

Drop the skincare routine, John.

[C]

I wouldn't do it anymore.

[A]

Okay. He's out. He's changed his mind.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What is.

[C]

Here's the question.

[A]

All right.

[C]

He has hair plugs. They're not.

[A]

We don't. They're not called. They're not. They don't call on plugs anymore. I'm sorry, but that's a slur in my community.

[C]

Sorry.

[D]

Sorry.

[A]

We don't say the P word. We don't say the gay hair folks. We don't say the P word. All right, all right. What.

[D]

What do you say that was?

[A]

I think they call them follicular. What do they call them? They call it follicular unit extraction.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

That's what the process is called. I think they are. I guess they are. I think they're just follicles. They just call them follicles.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

They get fue. Yeah, they know they. Some. They don't cut the back. They used to cut a stick. They used to cut like a football shape from the back of people's heads and lay it on the table and then take them out like that. And now they just take them out one at a time from the back, which is kind of interesting. It hurts a bit, but they give you a Valium and then in midday you get a Caesar wrap. You sit like this for a while. You take a little drug that makes it go, makes it happen faster. Then your Caesar wrap. Then you're face down for the afternoon.

[D]

Kind of like getting a bbl, I think.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. Or maybe no, no. So you start face face down because that's where they get the hairs. Second afternoon, face up, post sandwich.

[C]

What's it. What did you say?

[D]

A bbl.

[A]

A bbl?

[D]

John, don't try to act like you don't know what a bbl.

[A]

You don't know what a BBL is.

[D]

I know you date young girls.

[C]

Is it? No.

[D]

Are you married? Yeah, he's married.

[A]

Brazilian butt lift.

[C]

Oh, oh.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

Yeah. See, you know.

[C]

No, I didn't know.

[D]

So no one's ever said bbl.

[A]

Next question. What is something.

[C]

I might need one.

[A]

What is something you could improve about yourself? You don't need one. We all saw you. What is something you could improve about yourself? But you've decided to say fuck it. The but. For you, it's the but.

[C]

What about you? You don't need any improvement.

[A]

It could be non physical. This could be an emo. I wasn't looking for just physical improvements. What's something like a person? What's something about yourself? You know, like I could be better at that. But you know what? Now I'm not gonna do the work. Oh, I have McDonald's on my way to the office a little too often. And I know that that's wrong. I know that that's wrong. But I'm enjoying earning the points and the rewards.

[D]

We got some, some Macy's lovers in here.

[A]

They really got us with that app, there was. How many times. Oh, there's an app. How many times did they ask you if you had the app before it worked? Like a, like a lot. These. They don't eat McDonald's. Look at these people.

[D]

Wait, what? But the app is for what? Like ordering, Like Uber eats you.

[A]

You can. Yeah, but you like earn points and rewards and you can. Every once in a while you get a free soda and, and hash browns

[D]

and just a free soda.

[A]

Well, and then when the. When the. When, when the. When a Los Angeles based team wins free nuggets.

[D]

God, it sounds like even the Air1 membership is a bit more lucrative than that. Get 10 back on every purchase.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Listen, you guys are all acting like. Yeah, but that's a lot. 10.

[A]

10 in arrow

[D]

points. I'm like, yes. How do I, how much do I owe? $10, thank you.

[C]

$10 my ass.

[A]

For that you can get. For that. For that you get a banana.

[D]

But maybe like 90 instead of 135.

[C]

That makes sense.

[D]

Which we like.

[A]

Next question. When you feel a pain in your elbow, where is the pain? Is the pain in your elbow in your brain or does it not have a location?

[C]

This is what you were talking about earlier. Pain receptacles.

[D]

Oh, yes. I was like, what was I talking about?

[C]

Right? Like if you. Pain in the elbow.

[D]

I feel like when I feel a pain in my elbow, it is in my elbow. But what I'm learning from my osteopath is it's probably to do with something that's happening in my neck or something like that.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

But it feels my elbow is hurting.

[A]

Right.

[D]

I feel like I'm also very in tune with my body. I'm like, no, no, no. I know like where things are happening. Cuz I gave birth.

[A]

Oh, really? Oh,

[D]

I gave birth.

[C]

How many children do you have?

[D]

Just one.

[C]

How old?

[D]

Six.

[C]

That's beautiful.

[D]

She's so cute. You guys want to see a picture?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Just kidding.

[D]

I'm not going to show you.

[C]

You can't show a picture.

[A]

John Samos.

[C]

Quick.

[A]

Name five types of bird.

[C]

Hummingbird, blackbird, una paloma blanca, a sparrow and an eagle.

[A]

Boom. Yeah. Jody, what is the ideal time to have dinner? 6:00pm yeah, that's right. That's right. Love early dinner. Love early dinner.

[C]

Why did I have to name five birds? Cuz it's what she got. What kind of dinner? What time is dinner?

[A]

I don't know why it's name five

[D]

birds because we're all about men suffering and women having ease. Right, ladies?

[C]

We Deserve it.

[A]

John Samos.

[D]

What's your hands? Nodding. He knows what's up.

[A]

What? What? An ally.

[D]

Ally.

[A]

What's your earliest memory, John Stamos.

[C]

Probably going to Disneyland with my family.

[A]

That's sweet.

[C]

Yeah. And the nose job.

[A]

And the nose job.

[D]

You had a nose job?

[A]

Yeah, we talked about.

[C]

We talked about it earlier. He had his ears pinned back.

[A]

I did?

[B]

You did.

[A]

They used to stick out. Now they don't.

[C]

Is that cool? There's a little scar behind his ear. Check it out.

[A]

It's fine. Hey, Jody, what's a conspiracy theory? You 100% believe that's, like his bird question. You know, it's a little more chill.

[B]

Aliens.

[A]

Aliens. You think In Aliens?

[D]

Aliens. 100%. But is it even a conspiracy theory anymore? I feel like something came out recently that was like, yes, we have seen or made contact with other species. I mean, it's just stupid. Like, look at this huge universe we think we're the only ones in. Makes no sense.

[A]

Yeah, you're right. Last question for both of you. Do you eat food off the ground? No.

[C]

Yes. Well, it's the 5 second rule. The 10 second rule. I just got new floors, so now it's 30 second rule.

[A]

New floors.

[D]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

My rule is.

[D]

Do people take their shoes off? You take your shoes off when you come in the house. Do you make people take their shoes off?

[C]

I don't really.

[D]

Okay, so you cannot be eating. You cannot be eating off the floor.

[C]

You're right. Why didn't I. Oh, yeah. I'm not doing it anymore.

[D]

People have been trained.

[A]

Here's my rule. Here's my compromise rule. But. But.

[C]

But you take your shoes off, that's still stinky feet.

[D]

Stinky feet versus what you have dragged in from the outside. I'll take stinky feet.

[A]

You're right. My compromise proposal is simply to say, if it's dry, you won't die. But if it's. If it's wet, best forget. And you can see Jody in season two of the Agency, out now on Paramount Plus. And we'll be right back. And we're back. Regrets. Regrets. I have a few. Then again, not too few to mention. Which is why it's time for second thoughts. Take down the egg. Here's how it works. Our perspective producers have given me a list of things I should regret about this episode, this current show that we're watching and being in. If you have any second thoughts about tonight, we welcome them because this is a show where we're gonna. We acknowledge things where we Want to. You know, we're like, you know what? We're not going to pretend everything was perfect. You know, we don't need to. First, I went pretty deep on New York City elections for an audience of LA based John Stamos fans.

[C]

They laughed, though. They got.

[A]

They got it. They were with it. They were with it. I gave the audience permission to laugh at Jewish people, but forgot to retract it at the end of the show per the bylaws of Woke 2.0. Nobody seems to be watching Elsbeth but me.

[C]

What is that? Is that Elsbeth from Wicked?

[A]

No, Elsbeth is a spin off. Elsbeth is a spinoff of the Good Fight, which is a spin off of the Good Wife. And so it's a spinoff of a spinoff of the original show. Carrie Preston plays a lawyer who's solving mysteries, and it's a fucking delight.

[C]

Have you watched the Hunting Wives? The Hunting Wives? I'm on season two.

[A]

I haven't seen the Hunting Wives yet.

[C]

You haven't?

[A]

What are you streaming these days?

[D]

The Agency on Paramount.

[A]

Let's see, another regret. I told John Stamos that scientists are going to cut up my plan. Brain. It was before you got here.

[C]

And then.

[D]

But why is that a regret? I think you should cut up your brain. You're very intelligent.

[C]

Here's my question.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

These producers are writing your regrets. Not. Not you.

[A]

But they're suggestions. They're suggestions.

[C]

What do you regret?

[A]

I feel is. Let's see. Oh, I regret not knowing my favorite band.

[B]

That's.

[D]

That's regrettable.

[A]

That is regrettable. Well, it's funny. It's like, I. I don't really have a. I would say that I have, like. I love a lot of music, but I would never say I have a favorite fan. Like, I'm not.

[D]

You know what.

[C]

What are you looking at?

[A]

Just thinking.

[D]

No, I'm actually with you there because it's so hard when someone's like, what's your favorite band?

[C]

And it's like, what's your favorite band?

[D]

How can I just pick one favorite band? You know what I mean?

[C]

Three.

[D]

Okay. Favorite artists. I love James Blake. Love James Blake. I also loved. Anybody in here. Love dancehall music. There's no Jamaican. So many. Maybe not anyone. Wow. There's too many white people in this audience. Black people there. You don't listen to any dancehall music. It's a shame.

[C]

I say to my son sometimes, I go, you're Jamaica. You're Jamaican me crazy. That's terrible. Cut. I regret that.

[A]

Jody, do you have any regrets? That's fine.

[D]

Any regrets? No regrets.

[A]

No regret.

[D]

R A G R E T S Hell yeah.

[A]

Thank you both so much for being here. Before we go, I want to say a heartfelt thank you to Alan Pierre, Subba Agarwal and Josi Kaufman for hilarious joke contributions to this show. In particular, I want to thank Jassy, who has written on this show for most of its run through every iteration, through the pandemic, through the shows I did in my backyard, and who has helped shape the weird, joyful way we try to deal with what is ever happening. This week I couldn't have done this show without you. And if you ask some of the critics of the show, I still don't. There are 130 days until the midterms. We'll be back next week with Mark Duplass and Ex Mayo. Thank you John Samos. Thank you Jody Turner Smith. Love it or Leave it is a crooked media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Bill McGrath, Kelsey Gante and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes Hallie Kiefer, Sarah Lazarus, Raman Borsalino, Peter Miller, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Gavin Purcell, and Matt de Groot. And our staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America. America East.

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[D]

Oh, no.

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[C]

Well, that's cool.

[A]

No, you don't understand.

[C]

It went perfectly. Real offer down to the penny.

[A]

They're picking it up tomorrow.

[C]

Nothing went wrong.

[B]

So what's the problem.

[A]

That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes as smoothly. I'm waiting for the catch.

[B]

Maybe there's no catch.

[A]

That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.

[B]

Wow. You need to relax.

[C]

I need to knock on wood.

[B]

Do we have.

[A]

What is this?

[D]

Table wood.

[A]

I think it's laminate. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

That's close enough.

[B]

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