Forever Young Republicans

Summary

Lovett or Leave It: "Forever Young Republicans" (October 18, 2025)

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of Lovett or Leave It, Jon Lovett returns live at Dynasty Typewriter, joined by guests Teri Hatcher and Maria Bamford. The show skewers the week's political absurdities, poking fun at right-wing hypocrisy, the latest Republican scandals, and internet outrage cycles—all with the show’s signature mix of righteous anger and campy irreverence. Lovett also moderates candid and hilarious conversations about aging, TV nostalgia, desperate acts for love or attention, and, inevitably, eggs and dog poop.

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Main Theme & Purpose

Theme:
Dissecting the latest scandals and “forever young” mentality among Republicans, from the vile content of Young Republican group chats to broader cultural and political hypocrisy; plus, using humor and connection as resistance against creeping reactionary politics. The show also celebrates pop culture, aging, and the unglamorous but relatable realities of life—with guests Teri Hatcher and Maria Bamford lending personal and comedic insight.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What a Week: Right-Wing Hypocrisy, Outrage, and the ‘Forever Young Republican’ Mentality

Timestamps: 03:00–17:00

• No Kings Protests & Republican Smears (03:00–08:00):

  • Lovett mocks House Speaker Mike Johnson and Trump for branding “no Kings” protests as “Hate America rallies,” lampooning their attempt to paint all dissent as Antifa or Marxist.
  • "Solidarity can stop fascism, but only sunscreen can prevent fine lines and wrinkles. You're not much use to the resistance if you're dealing with a squamous cell carcinoma." – Jon Lovett (05:30)

• Young Republicans Telegram Scandal (08:00–13:00):

  • Lovett recounts a leaked Telegram chat of Young Republican leaders filled with racist, antisemitic, and misogynistic jokes, mocking their desperate attempts to defend it as “edgy humor.”
  • JD Vance's response: “Kids do stupid things, especially young boys. They tell edgy, offensive jokes—like, that’s what kids do.” – JD Vance paraphrased/quoted by Lovett (12:00)
  • Lovett’s rebuke: “Sure, every kid goes through a phase where they praise Hitler. It’s not a problem unless they all do it at once.” (12:10)
  • Satirical call for a “Young Republican Adoptathon” pokes fun at excusing adult bigotry as childish mischief.

• GOP Hypocrisy on Speech and “Mistakes” (13:00–16:00):

  • Lovett points out the danger in excusing hateful “jokes” as harmless, especially from adults who hold power.
  • “If we want a culture that values free speech, it also has to model the values that moderate that speech.” (13:20)
  • Lovett’s zinger: “We can’t all walk in [to an ice cream shop] and ask for 15 samples. And we certainly can't do it while calling the ice cream scooper retarded.” (13:40)

• Trump Administration & Shutdown Fallout (16:00–18:00):

  • Satirical take on Secretary Kristi Noem’s TSA video blaming Democrats for the shutdown, with a Lovett/Hatcher bit: “And then she kills a dog.” (12:49)

2. Pop Culture, Aging, and Perspective: Teri Hatcher Interview

Timestamps: 22:29–39:01

• Desperate Housewives Rewatch & Aging (22:29–25:18):

  • Teri Hatcher shares how revisiting old episodes feels surreal, like seeing a different person. She works on "Desperately Devoted," a podcast rewatching Desperate Housewives with her on-screen and real daughters: “We’re Gen X, Y and Z. So we have a different perspective on everything.” – Teri Hatcher (24:49)
  • Lessons in self-compassion: “I feel like a cat with nine lives. All of those things happened to someone else." – Teri Hatcher (23:25)
    “Maybe trying hard and too hard was the only way through the inexperience.” – Jon Lovett (26:09)

• Acting Regrets & Wisdom (25:18–27:27):

  • Hatcher: “Be better? No… I could have been more angry, less angry, more grounded. I don't know, just that.” (25:21)
  • On aging out of perfectionism: “I do think age has given me a perspective of not caring so much about what people think and not feeling like there even is a version of perfect to be.” – Teri Hatcher (26:57)

• Game: "Was I In This?" and Showbiz Anecdotes (27:47–38:28):

  • Hatcher recalls accidentally punching Charlize Theron during "Two Days in the Valley,” reversing memories in interviews (28:21–30:23).
  • Rat-nibbling stories from “Lois & Clark” (30:35–31:52).
  • Possibility of a reboot shot down: “Aging is good.” – Teri Hatcher (32:07)
  • Heartfelt but honest take on Dean Cain’s political turn: “We don’t keep in touch. We obviously feel differently about many things. But if he needed something from me that I could do, I would do. … I do. It's hard to minimize how off-putting that is.” (34:25–35:45)

• On Friendship and Divide:

  • "It's sometimes hard to separate the people you know, and the kindness they show interpersonally, when that doesn't seem to translate into their politics." – Jon Lovett (35:45)
  • “When we were shooting Lois and Clark, there was no Jesus...he was like, drunk and, you know, sleeping with a lot of beautiful women… there was no conservativism in him. So something changed.” – Teri Hatcher (36:03)

3. Maria Bamford Joins: Comedy and the Desperation of Living

Timestamps: 41:29–47:09

• Showbiz Outsider Stories & Clowning (42:49–45:56):
  • Bamford, with self-effacing wit, discusses temporary roles in TV and the exhausting tedium of production: “I liked finding out what was in people’s desk drawers...a partly filled out application for clown college.” – Maria Bamford (44:16)
  • On LA clown culture: “[Clowning is] stand-up with nudity, crying, and a considerable lack of consent. ... It’s French.” – Maria Bamford (45:18)
  • Lovett’s deadpan: “But I don’t know that you’re talking about clowns...versus one bad clown.” (45:49)

4. Egg of Desperate Truth: Vulnerability, Family & Embarrassment

Timestamps: 47:09–57:08

• Desperate Acts for Attention:

  • Lovett: “My actual, honest answer… I think I was in a kind of unbroken steady state, a stasis of pure and unadulterated desperation for about 10 to 15 years.” (48:38)
  • Bamford on signaling singlehood on stage: “That was like a nonstop lighthouse. Scanning the harbor for takers.” (47:46)

• Family Stories, Taboo, and Sharing:

  • Bamford on parents’ openness about bodies and aging: “My mom would wander around with no pants on.” (50:33)
  • Teri Hatcher: “I think I’m a little older…So she’s right.” (51:00)

• Embarrassing Pharmacy Moments & Dating:

  • Lovett recalls a pharmacy romance stymied by a loud prescription for dandruff: “Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.” (52:01)

• Would-You-Rather, Food Expiration, and Egg Philosophy:

  • Universal agreement: “Side of the cliff”—caves are too claustrophobic. (52:11–53:57)
  • “Forever eggs”—Teri Hatcher’s laissez-faire attitude towards egg expiration. “Mine are probably from July, so they’re forever eggs. Like, they’re forever eggs. I totally have forever eggs.” (56:10)

5. The Rant Wheel: Pet Peeves and Social Observations

Timestamps: 63:02–end

• Maria Bamford’s Rant: Desire to document “all the good things” she does for existential validation, uncertain activism priorities, and the plight of disabled (“mermaid”) rescue pugs.

  • “I need to have some kind of chest or head give-cam where anything that I'm doing that's positive is recorded live.” (63:12)
  • “Pug Nation. Pug Rescue Los Angeles. That's right. They've got 179 pugs just waiting to go home with you, and most of them are mermaids.” (64:33)

• Teri Hatcher’s Rant:

  • On irresponsible dog walkers: “But worse than leaving your dog poop on the trail is picking up your dog poop in a plastic bag, tying it in a knot, and then dropping it on the trail.” (65:33)
  • “It does make me wonder what happens to them after they wipe their own butt.” (66:57)

• Stereotypes of LA Wellness Obsession:

  • Bamford: “I have a lot of white girlfriends…they use this phrase…You know what? For me…They're about to drop some knowledge on you. Is it about intermittent fasting? I bet it is.” (68:07)
  • Lovett: “To be honest, intermittent fasting—the most complicated name for ‘I skip breakfast.’” (68:59)

• Protein & Dietary Fads:

  • Lovett: “We've gone nuts. We've gone crazy about protein...it never will be [the answer]." (71:53)
  • On food pyramids: “The box office was through the fucking roof. Cause popcorn was a diet food. But it was wrong. And we gained, I’m not exaggerating, £1 trillion as a society.” (72:51)
  • “Mark my words, it is going to be fiber. We’re all gonna realize we’ve been getting too much protein but not enough fiber. ... I don't know what's gonna happen when we fuck up fiber and overdo it.” (73:28)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Political Hypocrisy:

  • “You just have to say that Nazis and bigots have no place in the Republican Party. Seems like something you’d want to say if it were something you believed.” – Jon Lovett (11:52)

• On Personal Growth:

  • "Maybe trying hard and too hard was the only way through the inexperience. And had you not been... you don't get to be the person who tries the right amount when you do know what you're doing.” – Jon Lovett (26:09)
  • “I do think age has given me a perspective of not caring so much...and not feeling like there even is a version of perfect to be.” – Teri Hatcher (26:57)

• On LA Social Dynamics:

  • “I have a lot of white girlfriends...You know what? For me…” – Maria Bamford (68:07)

• On Food Fads:

  • “Low fat was fake. That was bad. We've transitioned to protein...Meanwhile, the next thing that's going to be, and mark my words, it is going to be fiber.” – Jon Lovett (72:51–73:28)

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------|----------------| | What a Week (GOP Scandals, Protest, Hypocrisy)| 03:00–19:00 | | Teri Hatcher Interview | 22:29–39:01 | | Maria Bamford Joins | 41:29–47:09 | | Egg of Desperate Truth | 47:09–57:08 | | Rant Wheel | 63:02–end |

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode blends biting political satire with warm, generous humor about aging, imperfection, and personal foibles. Lovett’s style is part camp, part earnestness, wielding gallows humor as a shield against the bleakest headlines. The guests bring self-deprecation and honesty that fit perfectly with the show’s ethos.

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For Listeners New and Old

If you haven’t listened, this episode encapsulates Lovett or Leave It’s strengths: merciless political commentary, compassionate comics grappling with the human condition, and the sense that yes, the world is absurd—so let’s not be absurd alone.

Transcript

[John Lovett]

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[Maria Bamford]

And.

[John Lovett]

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They're not just, they're not just like kind of. They're grounded. They're. Yeah, for sure grounded. And it's not like just a made up set of syllables on an Amazon thing where you're like, where it's like, you know, cobiba socks and you're like, that's just somebody making up a sock name. That's just SEO fake thing. These are real. Someone really thought about these socks. They're made well, they're great. They're great socks. Love them. Head on over to bombas.com love it. Use the code love it for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S.com loveit code love it at checkout. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love it or leave it live at Dynasty Typewriter. So excited to see all of you. Terry Hatcher is here. Maria Bamford is here. The egg of truth returns. It's already developed a kind of mystique. Plus, we're gonna spin the rat wheel. But first, let's get into it. What a week. If you're listening to this on Saturday, hopefully you're on your way to one of the many no Kings protests planned across the country. Everybody here going. The protests were given a helpful marketing boost by the speaker of the House and a guy that likes a firm, manly handshake because, boy, you've got a good grip there. Strong forearms. Wow. Mike Johnson, I encourage you to watch. We call it the Hate America rally. That will happen Saturday. Let's see who shows up for that. I bet you see pro Hamas supporters. I bet you see antifa types. I bet you see the Marxists in full display, the people who don't want to stand and defend the foundational truths of this republic. And we do. Interestingly, Marxist on full display is Mike Johnson's top search term on his secret iPad. President Trump, for his part, suggested on Wednesday that nobody would be there. You know, they have their day coming up, I hear. Very few people are going to be there, by the way. But they have their day coming up, and they want to have their day in the sun, which is a helpful reminder for this weekend. Solidarity can stop fascism, but only sunscreen can prevent fine lines and wrinkles. You're not much use to the resistance if you're dealing with a squamous cell carcinoma. The last no Kings protest saw roughly 4 to 6 million people turn out, and Trump's crackdown has only escalated since then. On Monday, Speaker Johnson jumped in to help justify Trump's deployment of the National Guard to Portland. You know, most recently, the most threatening thing I've seen yet was the naked bicyclers in Portland who were protesting ice down there. I mean, it's getting really ugly. Okay, the moral of that joke is that the protests aren't scary, that they're silly. Right? That doesn't make sense. He's supposed to be defending them, but he's making a joke about how they're silly. I also dare you to think of anything less threatening than a naked person on a bicycle. Being balls out on a bicycle is the most vulnerable thing a person can be. The only one who should be afraid of a naked cyclist is the next person who has to ride that bicycle. And Johnson isn't wrong that it's ugly. Balls on a bicycle seat, one to each side of the saddle, like South American boleadoras connected by loose scrotum. On second thought, maybe we should send in the troops. Speaking of yuck, Politico published an expose this week on the racist, anti Semitic and misogynist texts exchanged in a telegram chat filled with Young Republican leaders. Also in the chat, unbeknownst to anyone, Atlantic Editor in Chief Jeffrey Goldberg Unbelievable. In the chat, these youngish Republicans joked about slavery and the Holocaust, praised Hitler, and discussed raping their enemies and driving them to suicide. And if you think that sounds bad in a group chat, wait until you read it in Project 2029. Just to note, Young Republicans isn't just what these guys hoped for on Hinge before being banned after asking women for their skull diameter and flow volume, but rather a tax exempt organization for Republicans aged 18 all the way to 40. 40 is a young Republican. In one exchange, the general counsel for the New York Young Republicans joked Can we fix the showers? Gas chambers don't fit the Hitler aesthetic. I know this isn't the point, but gas chambers absolutely fit the Hitler aesthetic. The showers were the gas chambers. A real Hitler fan would know that. Vice President Jimmy Dimmy Vance rushed to condemn the chat's vile content. Just kidding. He pointed to a Democrat who also did a bad thing, Virginia Attorney General nominee Jay Jones, whose recently leaked text showed him wishing for the former Republican Virginia House Speaker's kids to die so she might change her mind and move on policy. And to be clear, that is bad and very stupid. But fun fact about J. Jones. He's 36, which is only one single year older than the oldest Young Republican in that chat. Another fun fact. Jay Jones was once pulled over for doing 116 in a 70 mile per hour zone. But in fairness to him, he was rushing home to celebrate Charlie Kirk's assassination. Post advance this is far worse than anything said in a college group chat. And the guy who said it could become the AG of Virginia. I refuse to join the Pearl kutching when powerful people call for political violence. But you don't have to clutch your pearls or claim two wrongs make a right. You just have to say that Nazis and bigots have no place in the Republican Party. Seems like something you'd want to say if it were something you believed. But what do I know? I'm just a Jewish fagot. On Wednesday, Vance doubled down, saying on the Charlie Kirk show, like I'm going to tell my kids, especially my boys. Don't put things on the Internet like be careful with what you post. If you put something in a group chat, assume that some scumbag is going to leak it in an effort to try to cause you harm or cause your family harm. But the reality is that kids do stupid things, especially young boys. They tell edgy, offensive jokes like, that's what kids do. Sure, every kid goes through a phase where they praise Hitler. It's not a problem unless they all do it at once. And sure, the young Republicans who have been identified from the chat are well over college age. But you know what? I think JD Has a point here. And we too were so moved by the plight of these young Republicans who obviously just need loving parents to teach them how to be human beings, that tonight we're hosting Love it or Leave. It's first annual Young Republican Adoptathon. Behind the five o' clock shadow and jokes about monkey people lies the young, hopeful heart of a child in need of love. So please reach out if you can to adopt these Republican kids. Babies like this guy or sweet little tykes like him. If you act now, we'll also send this little bundle of joy to your home with a gaming chair. And a gaming chair. Cleaning wand. For the price of just one cup of coffee per day, you can buy this little youngster one cup of coffee per day, whether they're 27 or 35. Every child needs a home, so why not yours? Because if there's anything more epic than rape, which was a literal thing, one of these guys said, it's taking in a sweet, innocent child who desperately needs love because children are our future, but these kids are our shameful, terrible past. While excusing these adults, just this week, the administration revoked visas from six people over comments they made about Charlie Kirk's death on social media. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but Republicans pushed me too far. It's time for the nuclear option, pointing out their hypocrisy. It's going to work this time. My question for J.D. vance is, what if they had been joking about gas chambers instead? Would that have been okay? Is it okay to joke about wanting to watch people burn as long as they aren't people you personally know? To quote Trump to his old friend Jeffrey Epstein, none of these people are actually children, right? It's 2025. We've all been on the Internet for a quarter century. We don't have to pretend we don't see how ironically, joking about horrific things can open the cultural door to horrific beliefs. If we want a culture that values free speech, it also has to model the values that moderate that speech. Tolerating disagreement, criticizing friends, forgiving enemies, saying sorry, showing forbearance. These are Democratic practices. That undergird the protections of the first Amendment. If we the ice cream shop to keep giving out free samples, we can't all walk in there and ask for 15 samples. And we certainly can't do it while calling the ice cream scooper retarded. If we want an office culture where everyone can bring their dogs in, those of us with dogs have to be ready to clean up some dog piss. John Lovett, who added this and we know JD Vance gets this because he extends all of those graces to his friends who deserve space to make mistakes and apologize while the rest of us are antifa Dem because we're gonna go hold a cardboard sign that says Monarchy hard pass while shaking a cowbell on Saturday. And I know Vance is full of shit. I know it. I know he knows he's full of shit. But this is the problem. Because if we're gonna spend our lives arguing with liars as is my current plan, maybe it's a waste of time to make the earnest case. Maybe that's a trap. But I don't really care. Because it's not just that they're full of shit. They're trying to convince the rest of us that. That everybody is full of shit and nobody cares. But that isn't true. This week, Secretary of Homeland Security and unlikely brunette Kristi Noem released a new TSA video blaming Democrats for the government Shutdown. It is TSA's top priority to make sure that you have the most pleasant and efficient airport experience as possible while we keep you safe. However, Democrats in Congress refuse to fund the federal government. We will continue to do all that we can to avoid delays that will impact your travel. And our hope is that Democrats will.

[Teri Hatcher]

Soon recognize the importance of opening the government.

[John Lovett]

And then she kills a dog. New York, Atlanta, Chicago, Las Vegas, Charlotte, Phoenix, Seattle, Cleveland. Among many airports, dozens that refuse to play this ad to captive travelers waiting in security lines because it's obviously partisan and and because she's framed terribly in it. What is that shot? It's not a close up. It's not a medium shot. Just terrible skin looks good though. Wonder whose it is. Stupid. America's defense secretary and guy who still goes through the motions is saying, you know what? Make it a double. As if it just occurred to him. Pete Hegseth tried to bully journalists at the Pentagon into signing on to new press rules that would threaten reporters ability to do basic news gathering. Every major outlet from CBS and the Times all the way to Fox News and Newsmax told the Pentagon to fuck off. About 50 reporters walked out together at 4pm because there are $1 taquitos till 5pm at the Crystal City Mall, but also in this case, out of solidarity. Does this mean Pete will be doing a bunch of exclusives with outlets like the Trump Has a Giant Dick Tribune and this is actually a twisted cross and not a swastika because a swastika is benched to the right gazet, sure, but we can't control what they do, only what we do. Trump's weaponization of the government has only just begun. On Wednesday, the Wall Street Journal reported that the Trump administration is planning to install political allies at the IRS's Criminal Division and has already generated a list of left wing donors and organizations it plans to target. It's time, said Ben, removing the lone pint of cyanide swirl surprise from the recesses of the freezer and handing Jerry the ritual onyx spoon. Trump is also using the shutdown to continue firing federal workers. This week the administration gutted the Office of Special Education Programs, which is so sad it took them twice as long to send the employees home because their buses are half as long. Did you ever stop to think that I'm brave? Did that occur to you at all? But a federal judge put a temporary stomp to Trump's efforts to lay off 4,000 federal workers in part because of how brazenly and openly political the administration has been. They just had to be 10% less gleeful. Just had to do that thing where you're laughing but you're in synagogues so you turn it into a cough. Couldn't do it. Even Marjorie Taylor Greene has had enough.

[Teri Hatcher]

Prices have not come down at all. The job market is job market is still extremely difficult. Wages have not gone up. Health insurance premiums are going to go up. Car insurance goes up every year. People's homeowners insurance goes up. Rent is going up. People, young people have no hope of.

[John Lovett]

Buying a home if she doesn't bring up a suspiciously burly lady she saw in a woman's room soon I'm going to have to propose marriage and I've done that twice before, so you know I'm getting good at it. Greene also said this in the same conversation with Tim Dillon.

[Teri Hatcher]

I've been in the Capitol. There's two things I couldn't find this week. I couldn't find anywhere the Epstein files and also couldn't find the Republican plan to fix the absolutely destroyed health insurance industry.

[John Lovett]

She did say she found a scrap of paper with a Jewish spell for causing plane crashes. So that's troubling but I'll take the. We gotta take the win. The truth is, being a Democrat right now, you feel like you were patiently waiting for a parking spot with your blinker on, and then some asshole jumped in front of you and tries to steal your spot, but you dart forward and nobody's in the spot. And then when you point out that you were waiting, they attack you. Plus, the old guy who swore he was okay to drive and promised to hold the space for you drove his car into a convenience store while on the phone with Benjamin Netanyahu. And the other car. They're kicking your ass. They're calling you stupid, they're calling you ugly. They're making fun of your hairline. They're saying horrible things you would never even think of saying. And you're the one whose parking spot got stolen. And sure, you know they're fundamentally miserable and their kids don't call and they're going to the grocery store for the first time in 20 years after a completely bloodless divorce, but that doesn't help you in the moment. How do you fight someone who doesn't believe in the rules or even the basic social compact? How do you fight someone who's willing to act like this without losing your mind? The answer is, it's not about you. It's not about each of us as individuals. It's about strength in numbers. Someone will come stand behind you and point out that you were here first, and then another person backs you up, and another. And soon there's a little crowd behind you. And with each person, your outrage transforms into connection and gratitude. They saw it, too. You're not crazy. You're not alone. You're buoyed and you're powerful. Does it mean the asshole backs down? Maybe. Maybe not. Some people are shameless. Some people get off on taking up space. Some people cannot imagine a world where they are not the victims. We can't control the assholes. But if we have each other's backs, we have a fighting chance. And that's what the no Kings protest is all about. So I will see you there. I'll be there. I'll be one of the people with an overly clever sign like, we feel as bad as Trump's photo on the COVID of Time. I just want to say they. They got him. I mean, that sucks. That sucks. I have other ideas for signs. More like Mike no Johnson. Jeffrey Epstein lives for drama, department of Just these Nuts. There's no Planet B, just Planet D. D's nuts. Where are we all going? To the bathroom. Turn the sign over. Seriously. It's on my mind. I'm worried about it. How are we not talking about this? And finally, the only ice we need is for Trump's gigantic ankles. All right, let's leave it there. We've got a great show coming up next. It's Teri Hatcher. We'll be right back, Kate. Don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or leave it coming up. Love it or leave it brought to you by Helix. Tell my audience about my experience with Helix mattresses. Don't mind if I do. Love it. Love my Helix mattress. Super comfortable. I sleep on it every goddamn night in my life. And do I sometimes struggle to sleep? You bet. Has nothing to do with the mattress. Nothing to do with the mattress. It's not the mattress's fault. The mattress isn't in charge of what happens in the world. That's right. Mattress isn't responsible. It's the best thing I've got going. You need a perfect mattress so you know what to blame for your sleep problems. It's definitely not my bed. It's everything else. There's no better way to test out a mattress than by sleeping on it. That's why Helix offers 100 night trial and a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress. Everybody's unique. Everybody sleeps differently. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and field preferences. 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Well, Jerry, for people who have had A heart attack like us, diet and exercise might not be enough to lower the risk of another one. Okay. To help know if we're at risk, we should be getting our ldlc, our bad cholesterol checked, and talking to our doctor. I'm listening. And if it's still too high, Repatha can be added to a statin to lower our LDL C and our heart attack risk.

[Maria Bamford]

Hmm.

[John Lovett]

Guess it's time to ask about Repatha.

[Teri Hatcher]

Do not take Repatha if you are allergic to it. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Get medical help right away if you have trouble breathing or swallowing. Swelling of the face, lips, tongue, throat or arms. Common side effects include runny nose, sore throat, common cold symptoms, flu or flu.

[John Lovett]

Like symptoms, back pain, high blood sugar.

[Teri Hatcher]

And redness, pain or bruising at the injection site.

[John Lovett]

Listen to your heart. Ask your doctor about Repatha. Learn [e-mail] or call 1-844-repatha and we're back. I had a poster of my first guest on the wall of my childhood home. Though I'll be honest, at the time I was mostly looking at the Dean Cain half. Please welcome to the stage the incredible, the legendary Terry Hatcher. Welcome. Thank you so much.

[Teri Hatcher]

I was also looking at danger.

[John Lovett]

Thank you for being here.

[Teri Hatcher]

Thanks for having me here.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, right there. It's great. Nice to meet you. Thanks for being here. Now, you recently launched Desperately Devoted because you're doing a Desperate Housewives recap show.

[Teri Hatcher]

Yes.

[John Lovett]

I'm thinking of launching a podcast where I go back and do a re listen of this podcast, which is cool because infinite, you can just. You just. And then eventually you start recapping the recaps.

[Maria Bamford]

Right.

[John Lovett]

And that'll be exciting for the true fans. What is it when you go back and watch the first season of Desperate Housewives?

[Teri Hatcher]

We're only 13 episodes in.

[John Lovett]

So when you go back to those beginning episodes and you see yourself, is it you, is it younger you, or does it feel like a different person?

[Teri Hatcher]

All of the above. Yeah. No, I actually feel sometimes when I reflect on my career, I feel like a cat with nine lives. All of those things happen to someone else. But with this show in particular, I mean, it did start 20 years ago. It ended like 13 years ago. But the 20 years ago is what we're looking at now. I was a baby. I did not feel like a baby when I was a baby, but I was so young. And I have notes for my acting, which I wish I could go back and give myself. But in general, I'm finding The show to just be really good and fun to watch and everyone in it in a way, because I was one character in like a ensemble in a way. It's like watching a show I'm not even in.

[John Lovett]

And you're doing the show with your on screen daughter and your actual daughter and there is some intimacy on the program.

[Teri Hatcher]

On our podcast.

[John Lovett]

No, on the show. On Desperate Housewives.

[Teri Hatcher]

Yes.

[John Lovett]

I'm sure you have an intimate relationship with your daughter, I would assume, but I meant I was being sort of. I meant sexual on screen.

[Teri Hatcher]

Yeah, I knew what you were. I knew what you were talking about. Although I am the mother who taught my daughter how to put a condom on a banana. So, you know, like, I mean, we.

[John Lovett]

From, from the top.

[Teri Hatcher]

That. Yes, it is a, It's a show that we use as a springboard to talk about like what it is to be human and relationships and parenting and life and sex and as we sort on the show too. So it provokes a lot of good conversations. And the three of us are three generations. We're Gen X, Y and Z. And so we have a different perspective on everything.

[John Lovett]

What is an acting note you wish you could give yourself?

[Teri Hatcher]

Okay. Be better? No, you know, I just think, listen, I remember trying while I was in it. Do you know what I mean? I mean sometimes people don't realize TV is a very fast pace and you don't get a lot of rehearsal and you don't have a lot of time with the lines. And so sometimes you are just working from your instinct. But I. Some of it's good work. Like, some of it I'm like, oh, that was good. But some of it I just feel like, oh, I could have been more angry, less angry, more grounded. I don't know, just that.

[John Lovett]

Do you think I was? Because it's interesting when you look back on your younger self and what you wish you had done differently. And I find that when I look back on my earlier writing or what I was like when I was younger, I think I. Oh, wow, you could have relaxed, you know, you were trying really hard, right? All the time. And that stopped. Laugh. Fuck. You didn't even let me finish the sentence. As if I'm not self aware enough to hear it. But then I think, well, hold on a second. Maybe trying hard and too hard was the only way through. Like the inexperience. And had you not been. If you're not the kind of person that tries too hard when you don't know what you're doing, you don't get to be the person who tries the right amount when you do know what you're doing, you know.

[Teri Hatcher]

Really? That should be on a shirt. Like, that's.

[John Lovett]

Oh, yeah.

[Teri Hatcher]

Or a hat, but that's really interesting. No, I'm. Yeah. I mean, that makes me want to give myself a break.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, but that's. Isn't that cool?

[Teri Hatcher]

But, yeah, no, it is cool.

[Maria Bamford]

That's.

[Teri Hatcher]

No, that's why I said it should be on a shirt. But, yeah, I. I do think this is not just acting, but, I mean, I do think age has given me a perspective of not caring so much about what people think and not feeling like there even is a version of perfect to be.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Teri Hatcher]

That should be on a shirt, too.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, we get that on a shirt. Two shirt, front and back. Front and back.

[Teri Hatcher]

Merch will be in the lobby after the show.

[John Lovett]

One great shirt, two great messes. Now, Terry, you've been a beloved part of pop culture for a long time, which is why we wanted to challenge our audience to a classic love it or leave it. Game about your story career. It's time for. Was I in this?

[Teri Hatcher]

Oh, my God, I love this.

[John Lovett]

Terry and I will trade off asking questions lifted from her IMDb page. Oh, wow. You. The audience will answer true or false altogether. Are you ready? Are you ready? Yeah.

[Teri Hatcher]

Do I go first?

[John Lovett]

Yeah, you kick us off. Okay.

[Teri Hatcher]

I punched Charlize Theron in the face on the set of 1996's neo noir comedy Two Days in the Valley, in which I played Olympic athlete Becky Fox. Fox with two X's.

[John Lovett]

True or false audience? That's correct. You punched Charlize Theron in the face. Was that on camera or was there a tiff.

[Teri Hatcher]

No, no, no, it was. It was. In this scene, it evolves into this girl fight, and we had stunt doubles and everything, but there was a moment where I was supposed to punch her across the face and which. You do that when you're in a stunt. You know, you're going, like, right across their face. And we'll never know whose fault it really was. But someone's face leaned into someone's fist and someone got punched, and it wasn't me. And so I went to her afterwards, and I was just so mortified and apologetic, and I said, how can I apologize? And she's so cool. She said, you can get me a six pack of beer. Which I promptly did.

[John Lovett]

And then she hit you in the face with it.

[Teri Hatcher]

She can't make the six of beer. Exactly. But I'm. What's kind of crazy is I heard her on something years ago, telling this story in reverse. She thought it was me that got punched and her that bought me beer. And it actually made me go back and look at. You know, when you have a movie come out, you do interviews. And so I looked at interviews I had done in, like, 1997 or 1996 where I had said this and. And because I wanted to make sure, like, that. I mean, your memory's a crazy thing. And I knew how it happened, but she's clearly remembered it differently.

[John Lovett]

We have the clip. We have the clip of her telling it the opposite way. Let's roll the clip.

[Teri Hatcher]

Yeah, I hit Teri Hatcher really bad. I connected right in her face. And I felt terrible.

[John Lovett]

I felt really bad.

[Teri Hatcher]

It's so crazy when this came. What you need to do with your research, you need to go find the article from. Because how could I have said that in 1997? Like, I mean, I said it. So this is later. So now we're probably gonna fight again and probably both hate each other and end up buying each other beer.

[John Lovett]

I love this. I love that she has, like, a false memory. That's so cool.

[Teri Hatcher]

I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm telling the truth.

[John Lovett]

Like, all right.

[Teri Hatcher]

I once found myself in a six foot deep hole, a rat nibbling on my ear, while starring as Lois Lane in Lois and the New Adventures of Superman.

[John Lovett]

True or false? That's true.

[Maria Bamford]

Mm.

[John Lovett]

Uh. What?

[Teri Hatcher]

I think this audience knows me. They seem to be getting it. All right, how do.

[John Lovett]

Was it a. Was it a show rat? Was it an acting rat? Or was it a.

[Teri Hatcher]

It was an acting rat. And I was like, probably also simultaneously screaming, help, Superman, help. But. But it did they, you know, it's. You can't control rats as much as you can, like, say, a dog or a cat. And so, yeah, it started to nibble on my ear and the camera was growling, and I didn't want to, you know. Can I swear? Yeah, I didn't want to fuck up the take. And so I just, like, let the rat nibble on my ear while I was, you know, doing whatever I was doing. And it was a small nibble, you know, I don't think I was getting any action at that time. So I try to look at things from the positive point of view, but I have heard about other people, other celebrities having interactions with rats. That didn't go well.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, I mean, I mean, it's not a nice term for agents. Sort of a. Like, I see it as a joke.

[Teri Hatcher]

It was sort of a joke.

[John Lovett]

But the People.

[Teri Hatcher]

No, it was so good.

[John Lovett]

Hollywood. All right, wait, so would you ever do like, is there any. Is there a possibility of a Lois and Clark reboot at any time? What do you think?

[Teri Hatcher]

Oh, well, honestly, I mean, I would totally do that, but I think they've moved on and Rachel Brosnahan is fabulous and perfect and so I'm too old at this point. I don't all. It's okay. Aging is good.

[John Lovett]

Well, you know what's interesting? I don't know what's canon, right. But presumably Lois continue to age, but Superman wouldn't. And so you could really conceivably make a Lois show with any person that's ever played Superman. You know what I mean? You could do it with a new Superman where you. And like, it could be like a, like a. You know what I mean?

[Teri Hatcher]

Warner Brothers. Are you listening?

[John Lovett]

Why not? They always show you the beginning of the relationship, but.

[Teri Hatcher]

Yeah, but the end. I do love that character and I love that I'm actually a part of that sort of genre and history and I actually love that it gets passed on to different generations of actors and it keeps retelling it. I just was actually up at my parents house. I take care of my parents and part of taking care of them is like, you know, setting up movies or bringing over food or, you know, whatever. And so I was like, hey, you guys want to watch the new Superman movie? And they got so excited and so I put it on for them.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Teri Hatcher]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Do you and Dean Cain still talking about. He's made a pivot.

[Teri Hatcher]

He has pivoted. Here we go. He's pivoted. You know, here's the thing. And maybe this will be a good thing to just put out there in terms of like. Because our society right now is obviously so divisive. And I'm sure that I'm on the same side of feeling the way you feel about everything, but. But I'll give you an example of. Back when my daughter was still in college, she took an internship at a job in Bangkok. And she was like 21 and beautiful. And she was doing this job where she was working till 1 in the morning, like a 12 hour shift at a restaurant, at a famous fancy restaurant. She was being a line cook and working 12 hours a day, whatever, and coming home. And I was really worried about her being in the city, walking home at one in the morning and we don't know anybody, whatever. I know I'm going on too long, but I knew that Dean had connections to like people that Are, I don't know, the ambassador to a country or whatever, because he's just been involved in politics in that way. And anyway, so I called him and I said, listen, my daughter's doing this, and I feel weird about her not having, like, at least, like, a touchstone of some sort of safety. And so he set it up that, like, whoever was our American liaison in that country and city so that she would have this kind of place to go if she broke her hand or, you know, an emergency happened or whatever. So I look at it like we don't keep in touch. We obviously feel differently about many things. But there is a relationship there, based on our history, where if he needed something from me that I could do, I would do. Won't be that. That you had up there earlier? No, it wouldn't be doing that. But, like. And I know that he would do something that I needed, like he did with helping my daughter. So I don't know if that says anything deeper that people can take away, but that is kind of how I'm trying to approach it, but I do. It's hard to minimize how off putting that is.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, well, even to what you're saying, it's sometimes hard to separate the people, you know, and the kindness they show interpersonally when that doesn't seem to translate into their politics. And it's hard to know whether somebody changed, doesn't see them as connected. If there were signs of that from the beginning, if it has to do with the different relationship people have to people involved.

[Teri Hatcher]

Well, I can definitely say that when we were shooting Lois and Clark, there was no Jesus and there was no. I mean, you know, he's very, like, with the cross now and whatever. Like, he was, like, drunk and, you know, and, like, sleeping with a lot of beautiful women and, you know, having a good time as the star of a TV show. Like, there was no conservativism in him. At least not that was displayed to me. So something changed.

[John Lovett]

Well, there's something that seems to happen, especially with some male actors of a certain age, that maybe that. You know what I'm saying?

[Teri Hatcher]

Do I.

[John Lovett]

That they remember their heyday of putting on the tights and being this sort of poster boy and, like, being this famous guy. And to me it's like, is there some connection to what it feels like to feel like you're losing touch with that part of yourself and also feel like you're losing your country?

[Teri Hatcher]

I want to believe. I mean, this is so funny because, I mean, I don't know him so this is. I mean, know him in that way, like currently, but like I want to believe. And again, maybe this is a general thing. I'm saying that even though I so vehemently differ with how some of these people are executed you talked about earlier, how are executing their thoughts and behaviors and actions, I want to believe that somebody like Dean believes, I guess, in himself that this is the way. This is a way for us to all be better or something like that. I think he thinks that. I just find myself going, I can't believe you think that. So I'm not sitting here saying he's a bad guy, but yes, he is doing things that I think are bad.

[John Lovett]

Remember when you were in the Bond movie? Remember when you were in Seinfeld?

[Teri Hatcher]

Are we just pivoting to other men that I also did?

[John Lovett]

Well, there's a lot of people. Yeah, sure, if you want. But oh man, you were so good in that Bond movie. Wait, was it.

[Teri Hatcher]

Thank you.

[John Lovett]

Was it Day After? Which one was it, Ty?

[Teri Hatcher]

Tomorrow Never Dies.

[John Lovett]

Tomorrow Never Dies. That's the journalism one, which I think is very prescient to this day. You were in Tomorrow Never Dies with Jonathan Pryce.

[Teri Hatcher]

Yes, yes, I was.

[John Lovett]

And he was in a movie called Brazil, which I.

[Teri Hatcher]

Yes, he was, but I didn't. I don't recall. I think I did see that, but it was a long time ago.

[John Lovett]

Seems like a serious guy.

[Teri Hatcher]

Jonathan Pryce.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Teri Hatcher]

Yeah. I'm trying to remember that scene, the big party scene. It was huge. I mean, the production value on Bond movie, you can imagine. Actually, I was wearing in that scene like one to two million dollars of real diamonds. So like we're shooting that scene and 10ft over there is a security guard ready to like jump me if I try to take off with the diamonds. I don't know, like, is that what he thought was hap. But that is how that played out. Those were real diamonds. Isn't that crazy?

[John Lovett]

Wow, that's cool. Yeah. I want to keep talking, but we have to move. We have to bring. We have to bring out Maria Bamford. We'll have more with Terry Hatcher in a second. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up. Love it or leave it. Brought to you by Sundays. When it comes to dog food, it seems like you have to make a choice. You can either have fresh and healthy, or you can have easy to store and serve, but never both. But you don't have to choose anymore. Thanks to Sunday. Sunday's is fresh air dried dog food made from clean ingredients. Recipes are customized based on the needs of your dog, that size, its breed, its allergies, activity levels and more. Unlike other fresh dog food, Sundays does not require thawing, refrigeration or preparation because of their air drying process. You just pour and serve. That's it. And I just want to say, like, I don't want to judge people for their choices, but if you're doing fresh dog food, you're not busy enough. Your life is too empty and you should fill it with more stuff. Sunday was started by Dr. Tori Waxman, a veterinarian who's devoted her life to animals. Sunday has the absolute highest standards for quality and food safety. If it's not 100% all natural meat and superfoods with 100 synthetic nutrients or artificial ingredients, then it's not Sundays. Every Sunday's order ships straight to your door. So you'll never have to worry about running out of dog food again. And you can cancel or pause your subscription anytime with Sunday's 14 day money back guarantee. So what are you waiting for? Thousands of dog parents have made the switch and reported pups with more energy, better poop, softer fur and fresher breath thanks to sundaes. It's great dog food. Tastes great. Tastes great. All the dogs love Sundays. All the dogs love it. Leo, Leo, Luca, Pundo. I like. I like Mondays. Like, Garfield famously hated Mondays. Make sure your dog has a case of the Sundays. Go to sundaysfordogs.com Love it. Get 50% off your first order or you can use code love it at checkout. That's 50% off your first order at sundaysfordogs.com Love it. Sundaysfordogs.com Love it. Use code love it at checkout.

[Maria Bamford]

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[John Lovett]

And we're back. Please welcome the stage. You know her, you love her. It's Maria Bamford. Hi. Thank you.

[Maria Bamford]

Thank you, Los Angeles, for coming out and seeing a live show. You didn't have to, but you did.

[John Lovett]

It's so good to see you.

[Maria Bamford]

Thank you so much for having me. And I can't believe I could just. I mean, you're.

[Teri Hatcher]

I can't believe I get to sit next to you. You're like a queen.

[Maria Bamford]

I have the Dean Cain story. I was once in a scene with him because I had a weird sitcom for a couple episodes on Netflix, and we had two storylines that I was dating a Superman, an old Superman. So I got to have a scene with Dean Cain. And then the other Superman, who is another. He's a younger Superman. But I cannot. Thank you.

[John Lovett]

These fucking know it all dweebs.

[Maria Bamford]

I love it.

[John Lovett]

Nothing makes them happier than answering a question unbidden.

[Maria Bamford]

No, I love it. Great job, everybody. Great job. Yeah. So, yes, I'm honored to be on this.

[Teri Hatcher]

I am equally honored.

[Maria Bamford]

Deuce. Deuce. Yes.

[John Lovett]

Was he nice?

[Maria Bamford]

Well, you know, I think as nice as you can. It's like a day player thing. So I think it's kind of. I've been a temp. When you go in. In an office and people don't, you know, they don't totally get to know you, and you go, oh, I was here for today. Where are the bathrooms? Could you tell me where the bathrooms are? And, yeah, so we didn't have a deep connection, but also, I was half asleep. One thing I learned about TV production is that it's exhausting. I love stand up because it's just an hour at most. And TV turns out they want you to be there 12 to 16, 24 hours a day.

[Teri Hatcher]

But a lot of it is spent waiting.

[John Lovett]

Waiting. Yeah.

[Teri Hatcher]

They wait you right into a nap.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah. And they're so stressed. And. Yeah, no, thank you. I said to myself, yeah, I do not wish to ever do that again. Now I just want to watch tv.

[John Lovett]

I was a temptation when I first moved to New York, and I loved it because I was like a floating assistant. But nobody wants a floating assistant. And so they'd just be like, just sit there. I don't really need you. Like, fantastic, fantastic.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah. I liked finding out what was in people's desk drawers. Like, once I was subbing for this woman who was out sick, and the person was a very big music exec who I was working for, and they were yelling and mean the whole time. And then I looked deep into this, her assistant's drawers, and inside was a partly filled out application for clown college. Come on now. I filled the rest out of it out and I sent it in. I didn't. I didn't.

[John Lovett]

I guess I'll go change somebody's life that day.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah, it was the Ringling Brothers one, you know, so very special. There's different kinds. Have you ever done a clown workshop, Terry? No.

[Teri Hatcher]

I have tried to juggle. That's as close as I get.

[Maria Bamford]

It's very popular, it seems like, in Los Angeles now is clowning. And it comes from the French. What I think clowning is stand up with nudity, crying, and a considerable lack of consent. So they're gonna get up in your business. They're gonna, you know, maybe put their breast in your face and offer it. Offer you to kiss it, but, you know. Ah, it's French.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Here's the. And I do not want to say that your experience is not valid.

[Maria Bamford]

No, no, no, of course.

[John Lovett]

But I don't know that you're talking about clowns.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Versus one bad clown.

[Maria Bamford]

No, no, no, no, no. There is a true practice of clowning. I dated a clown. He was an Australian clown, so one of the best. Okay. And, yeah, it's all about kind of like discomfort theater, like, so. And I'm very much a fan of that. I love to perform for a crowd that is really surprised and uncomfortable. But, yeah, so it's a thing. There's a lot of eye contact if you're interested in going to a clown show. But there's clown church here in LA every Sunday. You can go and get weirded out.

[John Lovett]

Terry, you've portrayed a desperate housewife. Maria. Your comedy tackles the desperate, hopeful pantomime that is being alive.

[Maria Bamford]

Yes, yes, that is true.

[Teri Hatcher]

We have that in common.

[John Lovett]

Desperate. Now it's time for the egg of Desperate truth. Colin, enough yolking around. Egg of desperate truth.

[Maria Bamford]

Enough yolking around. All right.

[John Lovett]

So now we. Now we open the egg of Truth.

[Teri Hatcher]

And yolk goes everywhere.

[John Lovett]

Yolk goes everywhere. Hold. Get these back in there. Now I choose these at random.

[Maria Bamford]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

And we just ask the question that's on it.

[Teri Hatcher]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

Some of them are easy. Some of them are hard.

[Teri Hatcher]

I feel scared.

[John Lovett]

What's the most desperate thing you ever did to get a guy's attention?

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, goodness. You know?

[Teri Hatcher]

Do you want to go first?

[Maria Bamford]

Okay. I mean, I want to say for about 15 years on stage, I would talk about being single, which I think that was like a non stop lighthouse. Scanning. Scanning the harbor for takers. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Also, I'm helping the guys to not hit the shoals.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah, don't hit the shoals.

[John Lovett]

Trying to think of my ver. Terry, do you have one? Does one come to mind for you?

[Teri Hatcher]

No. I feel like it's like when somebody Asks me, what's your favorite song? It's like, my mind's just like, I've never heard a piece of music in my whole life. Like, you know, that's what's happening to me. I'm not thinking of any man I've ever been involved with. But I already told you, I blocked all the people out that I've slept with, so.

[John Lovett]

Which is cool.

[Teri Hatcher]

Probably blocked that out, too.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Great. That's a good way to live.

[Maria Bamford]

How about you?

[John Lovett]

I'm thinking about it. Here's the thing. My actual, honest answer to this is that I think I was in a kind of unbroken steady state, a stasis of pure and unadulterated desperation for about 10 to 15 years.

[Maria Bamford]

Right.

[John Lovett]

You know, so it's like, what acts were more desperate or not? I don't know. My whole energy was desperate. Every bit of anything I said had the whiff of desperation to it. I could be quiet, I could be loud. I could be. I'm desperate. It was wafting off of me. Yeah, yeah. Next, from the Egg of Truth. Maria, you talk a lot about your father and late mother in your comedy, as well as the mental illness that runs through your family. Have there been any family anecdotes that you thought about turning into a bit, but then decided, I don't want to laugh that badly?

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, goodness. Well, this one, because it's not supremely funny. It's just sort of like a. Oh, God. My mom said, your dad's picking something up at the pharmacy. And I said, okay. And then. And so she handed me a note to give to my dad. And so I handed it to my dad when I saw him, and he said, joe, why don't you come? You gotta pick up the rug cleaner. And I guess it was like some kind of, like, thing for yeast infection or something. And I was like, you guys are gross.

[Teri Hatcher]

Right.

[Maria Bamford]

But, yeah, I wasn't sure where to put that. It's just sort of. And it's. And. Yeah, but my parents were very earthy in that they would wander. My mom definitely wandered around with no pants on.

[Teri Hatcher]

She might have needed one of those Kim Kardashian thongs.

[Maria Bamford]

She wouldn't have minded that. She wouldn't have minded that. Cause I. Yeah, I think you. Well, you. Partly bald, a little bit. As you get older, it starts to shed. It does.

[Teri Hatcher]

Oh, I was gonna bring that up. I was gonna to bring that up. And then I thought, I'm not going to go there. But you did, so there you go. She's right. She's not wrong.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah.

[Teri Hatcher]

I think I'm a little older than you, right?

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, not by much. I'm 55.

[Teri Hatcher]

60.

[Maria Bamford]

All right.

[Teri Hatcher]

Yeah. Yeah. So she's right.

[John Lovett]

Speaking of desperation and prescriptions, I was once at a cbs and I was waiting to pick up a prescription, and there was, like, this cute boy behind me in the line, and we had, like, a little flirtation. And then I got called up to the counter, and the pharmacist was like, so we have the propecia, but we do not have this specific treatment for dandruff. And it was like, shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut the fuck. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Next up. Cut that from the show. Next question from the Egg of Truth. Would you rather be trapped. And this is for both of you. Would you rather be trapped in an underground cave while spelunking or trapped on the side of a cliff while mountain climbing? Which desperate situation?

[Maria Bamford]

Side of a cliff.

[John Lovett]

That was quick for you.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah. Oh, my God. I like the breeze. I like to be able to see down. It also comes with the solution, you know, if the wait is too long.

[Teri Hatcher]

That's dark. That's really dark.

[Maria Bamford]

I'm always ready to jump. Always ready.

[John Lovett]

No, I know that about you. I know that about you. It's sort of part of your brand. But the. What's interesting, Terry? Do you have a preference?

[Teri Hatcher]

No, I think ditto. Yeah, I just. The whole, like, dark, stuck in a. That the claustrophobic ness of the other choice would. I couldn't do that.

[John Lovett]

Here's the only hesitation. I agree, but here's my only hesitation from the other direction, which is, if you're stuck in a cave underground, you just have to chill and hope you make it. If you're on the side of a cliff, to some extent, you're kind of like, it's only as long as you can hold on. You know what I'm saying? And it's like, I don't want the pressure. Like, I want to make it, but I don't want it to be up to my grip strength. You know what I mean? I don't want to feel the pressure that if I don't survive, it's my fault. Like, if you die in a cave, it's because you didn't get rest.

[Teri Hatcher]

I was sort of imagining the whole belay system, so I sort of felt like it wasn't just my fingers, that I had some sort of rope thing, and maybe I could just hang out there until somebody else climbed by.

[Maria Bamford]

And I was also picturing yes. Some sort of wonderful, sort of a handsome llama. A seat.

[John Lovett]

A seat. Yeah, you're right, Cliff. You're right. Right.

[Maria Bamford]

You're right.

[John Lovett]

All right, let's do one more from the Egg of Desperate Truth. How far past the expiration date will you eat? Food. Asking for a friend, my best friend, myself.

[Maria Bamford]

I have no problem eating older items. I just, I think, you know, if it was made probably by food scientists, they probably overestimated, you know, how little time it's fresh. And what's the worst that's gonna happen? Okay. You know, I mean, okay, maybe I'm not gonna do that with raw chicken. Okay. I'm gonna maybe watch that a little bit more closely. But, yeah, I don't mind. My dad would always eat old stuff and go dipped the old bread into the old cut of cheese and now it's a whole meal. And I always, you know, it was a badge of honor to rest food from, you know, the garbage.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, I agree with that. I understand that. I appreciate that. I wish I had a better sense of. Because there's some foods, when they pass their date, they just start tasting a little less like themselves. They just sort of lose their magic, you know, it's like they just. They just. I don't know where it goes. Like, why does it taste like nothing? Presumably it tastes like something new. But no, the flavor just dissipates, which is strange when you think about it. And I don't mind eating those. But then there's some things where it's like, don't do that. Botulism. And I don't know what the difference is.

[Maria Bamford]

Do you. If you ever shop at grocery outlet, any grocery outlet fans, they. They have pyramids of oat milk at some points in time. So you only have to go there special times. But you gotta check the date because a of their fresh vegetables and stuff like that are on the edge. On the edge. You eat that in line. You don't.

[Teri Hatcher]

You eat that before you get to your car.

[John Lovett]

I will say I push the bounds on eggs. I push the boundaries on eggs. If I got eggs in the fridge, I got eggs in the fridge right now.

[Teri Hatcher]

I don't need.

[John Lovett]

They got an August on there. Deal with it.

[Teri Hatcher]

I'm very lenient on this. In fact, my eggs I take out of the carton and I put in the. With the COVID that comes with your refrigerator. So I don't even know what the date is. And mine are probably from July, so they're forever eggs. Like, they're forever eggs. I totally have forever Eggs. Yes. Yes.

[John Lovett]

That's cool.

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, I love that you put them in the thing. I do. That must be very satisfying.

[Teri Hatcher]

God damn it.

[John Lovett]

Maria, I think you and I share something which is we meet people in our lives that are the kinds of people who can be the kinds of people that put their eggs in the little thing.

[Maria Bamford]

Yes, yes.

[John Lovett]

And for us it seems like climbing Everest. It's like, are you. Like it's inconceivable.

[Maria Bamford]

I open the box of cereal from the middle of the box. Like I grab the torso and I tear. That's where most of the cereal is.

[John Lovett]

All right, we're going to leave it there for now. Everybody go see Maria on October 24th at the Tower Theater in Bend, Oregon. Where do people get tickets? What's your go onto?

[Maria Bamford]

My website is mariabanford.com Tour dates when.

[John Lovett]

We come back, the rant wheel. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or leave it coming up. Love it or Leave it brought to you by. Hi. Typical children's vitamins are basically candy in disguise, guys. Filled with two teaspoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals and other gummy additives growing kids should never eat. That's why Haya created a super power chewable vitamin. Haya fills the most common gaps in modern children's diets. Provide the full body nourishment our kids need with a yummy taste they love. Like how in Jurassic park they didn't give the dinosaurs lucine or something. And they had to, they had to be provided by. By the. By the. By the scientists. Otherwise that was their protection against the dinosaurs getting out. But it didn't work. Nope. Several sequels now every batch of high vitamins is third party tested. So you know the product is safe and nutritious. It's formulated with the help of pediatricians and nutrition experts. High is pressed with a blend of 12 organic fruits and veggies and supercharged with 15 essential vitamins and minerals. It's designed for kids two and up. Sent straight to your door. Parents have one less thing to worry about. Tommy, you have children? Yeah, I like. I was over at the Favreau's house the other day and Charlie Favreau was explaining four dimensional geometry to me which honestly, like I didn't get how a tesseract rotates in hyperspace. He's explaining to you that the shadow of a tesseract is a cube. That's right. It's in fact a cube. I love that you always know these random things that I'm chatgpt What's interesting is in a sense where you do know how to move through four dimensions. You do it every day. Time is a dimension, right? It's just you only experience it as a little slice. That's right. And now there's some people that believe the past is just as real as the future. The Block Universe if you're tired of battling your kids to eat their greens high now as kids Daily Greens plus Superfoods a chocolate flavored greens powder designed specifically for kids. Packed with 55 plus whole food ingredients to support brain power development and digestion. Just scoop, shake and sip with milk running non dairy beverage for a delicious and nutritious boost your kids will actually enjoy. We've worked out a special deal with Haya for their best selling children's vitamins. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim the deal you must go to hyahealth.com love it. This deal is not available on their regular website. Go to H I y dash A H E A L T h dot com L O OV ETT and get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. Hey guys. Finding the perfect gift for the food lover in your life is easy thanks to Goldbelly. Goldbelly ships America's most iconic foods straight from world famous restaurants right to your door. So if you want to treat someone to Joe's Stone Crab from Miami, Franklin Barbecue from Texas, or desserts from famous foodies like Ina Garten or Martha Stewart, Goldbelly has you covered. Just go to goldbelly.com and for a limited time get 20% off your first order with promo code gift. That's promo code gift. And we're back. Exciting news. Crooked Media Reads is releasing our next book on January 27th. It's called hated by all the Right. Tucker Carlson and the Unraveling of the Conservative Mind by one of our favorite political journalists, New York Times Magazine writer Jason Zengerly. The title comes directly from Tucker himself. When he visited Hungary in 2021, he praised Viktor Orban for being hated by all the right people. For Carlson, being hated is in an accident. It's the point. We were really excited about this book. You can really watch like Tucker Carlson his evolution from like a serious magazine writer to CNN to MSNBC to kind of online Daily Caller troll all the way to his incarnation. Now speaking about how we need a spanking at the Republican convention, like I do think he has had his nose for where the conservatives have been moving and the key to understanding Trump and the Trump age is understanding how we as a society stop seeking truth and started seeking outrage. Nobody shaped that more than Tucker. Tucker can be a lot of things. He's strident, he's shrill, he's offensive. But unlike many other right wing media figures, he's not a buffoon. He knows what he's doing. So in Hated by All the Right People, Jason gives a fascinating. It's a great book, informative look at Tucker's evolution and how his rise traces the rise of maga. You can pre order it right now. It just went on sale. If you go to crooked.com books, do us a favor if you're gonna buy it and you should put in a pre order. Helps us get us on the list which then gets in front of other people and in airports and stuff.

[Maria Bamford]

Nice.

[John Lovett]

Also Crooked Khan, you may have heard that our November 6th pod Save America Live show featuring none other than Drasmyn Crockett is sold out. But there are still some tickets available for our day long November 7th event. It now features three stages and that means more guests. The latest additions include Pramila Jayapal, Jen Psaki, Jessica Valenti, Melissa Morales, Simone Sanders Townsend, Tim Miller, Waleed Jahid, Adam Mockler and Kai Polanco. They'll join Senator Ruben Gallego, Representative Sarah McBride, Governor Andy Beshear and many, many more. We're gonna have live tapings of strict scrutiny hysteria. We're gonna do terminally online live. There's gonna be a bunch of really fun stuff at CrookedCon. So if you haven't got your tickets yet, we expanded it to add some more. So go to crookedcon.com and one last thing. Next episode of Bravo America. We just put out our episode with Olivia Plath after Terry Dubrow. Next up is Poverty Shallow. That's coming out on Tuesday. We had a great conversation about Survivor, about the evolution of Survivor, about what it was like being a woman and charming and smart and diabolical and how being that on that show has changed for her over the years. It was a great conversation. She's a fascinating and incredibly charismatic person. That will be out on Tuesday. Okay, now it's time for the Rant wheel. Here's how it works. We'll spin the wheel wherever it lands. We'll rant about a topic of our choosing. First up.

[Maria Bamford]

Up.

[John Lovett]

Let's spin the Wheel. Slanded on Maria. What's something you'd like to rant about?

[Maria Bamford]

Well, I just want everyone to see whatever good things I do all day. I need to have some kind of Chest or head. Give cam where anything that I'm doing that's positive is recorded live. Because I'm so confused as to what there is what to do, because there's a million different places to take action. I've waited in the Home Depot parking lots, but I've also gone and tried to help rescue pugs. I don't know where. I think I need to get my focus. I need to focus because I. I have a feeling that pugs are. Are just. They're the last people on the list. They're not. And they're not people. They're not people.

[John Lovett]

Right.

[Maria Bamford]

Although they do lack leg strength, and especially in their. Yeah, there's a lot of mermaid pugs. I don't know if you know that. Mermaid pugs where they can only use their front legs, not their back legs. And so then we sew little sacks for their back legs, so they're like little mermaids they can drag behind them.

[John Lovett]

What.

[Maria Bamford]

You don't have to know, you don't have to understand, John. Pug Nation. Pug Rescue Los Angeles. That's right. They've got 179 pugs just waiting to go home with you, and most of them are mermaids.

[John Lovett]

Just trying to think of how I would summarize that in the beautiful. Thank you, Maria.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah, sure, sure.

[John Lovett]

What a beautiful sentiment. Let's spin it again.

[Maria Bamford]

Rant wheel.

[John Lovett]

Terry, what's something you'd like to rant about?

[Teri Hatcher]

Well, it's funny that you brought up dogs, because mine is dog related also, but a little different. So I think one of the things that bothers me the most is when people leave their dog poop on the trail. But worse than leaving your dog poop on the trail is picking up your dog poop in a plastic bag, tying it in a knot, and then dropping it on the trail. So, like, basically what you're saying is I was, you know, together enough to rescue a dog. Then I knew that I should walk, and then I knew that it would probably go to the bathroom. I should bring a bag. I'm gonna pick it up. But, like, something happens between tying the knot and the trash can that they just drop it there. And so now the thing is gonna, like, not potentially biodegrade, you know, in a few years into the dirt. It's gonna sit there for a thousand years in the plastic and wait for other people to come by and just look at it. And so that really bothers me. And I wonder what kind of human being just. There's a synapse in the brain where they just can't go any further than tying the knot of the bag. They can't get it to the trash can. And it does make me wonder what happens to them after they wipe their own butt.

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[John Lovett]

It's a lot to think about.

[Teri Hatcher]

I mean, who isn't bothered by those plastic bags full of shit that you walk by when you're exercising?

[John Lovett]

It has the feeling to me of that if someone drops it somewhere, it's like they have to find a way to be mad, not rude. And so it's like, well, there hasn't been a trash can in ages. Meh. You know, like, this isn't my fault. I've been forced to. This ridiculous. Dropping it, you know, so selfish. It is. It stinks.

[Teri Hatcher]

It does stink.

[Maria Bamford]

Stinks.

[Teri Hatcher]

Does stink.

[Maria Bamford]

Stinks, Stinks.

[Teri Hatcher]

That's my rant.

[John Lovett]

I love that. Gotta stop those people.

[Maria Bamford]

My rant wasn't good enough. I'm so sorry. I felt like I didn't rant enough. You got.

[John Lovett]

Well, the rant can be whatever you want it to be. And the fact that it began with wanting to film yourself 247 being a good and then ended with kind of a strange. Yeah, but I think shock body horror about pugs.

[Maria Bamford]

Cause I do have something that genuinely does irritate me. I have a lot of white girlfriends in Los Angeles, because that's what I am. I'm white and tiresome. I'm tiresome. And all my girlfriends seem to use this phrase when they wanna tell me a thing or two about a thing or two. And it's how it goes. Is. You know what? For me, they're about to drop some knowledge on you. Is it about intermittent fasting? I bet it is.

[Teri Hatcher]

That's right up there with. To be honest.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah. Yeah. To be honest.

[John Lovett]

To be honest, intermittent fasting. The most complicated name for. I skip breakfast.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah. Yes.

[John Lovett]

Oh, my God. Like, every life is intermittent fasting, right? There's no way to get through. You're not eating the whole time. And if you ever. And you can't stop completely. So there's really only one option. Sometimes you're eating and sometimes you're not. That's called being alive. I didn't realize how much this bothered me.

[Teri Hatcher]

Right?

[Maria Bamford]

But there's all. Because some people are changing every couple months. Like, they're going like, yeah, like, oh, oh, yeah. I'm actually not doing that anymore. Yeah. The whole keto thing, it just wasn't. It just felt kind of fake and like, kind of like, oh, what am I doing? Here, this isn't really authentic. So then I got this new book, and you know what? For me.

[John Lovett]

There'S a certain kind of person, and everyone should have a friend like this. And they're great friends. They're fantastic.

[Maria Bamford]

I'm that person, too. I'm gonna tell you my realization or whatever fucking thing I just read, you know, just going, oh, God. Have you heard of meditating? Have you heard about that?

[John Lovett]

That's supposed to be really good. But I really think everybody should have at least one very, very handsome, very, very confident friend whose life is a permanent mess, who every time you see them, tells you, I just cracked the cut. I just got it. Oh, sweetie. Your whole life will be this, and you will never figure it out.

[Maria Bamford]

I have a friend who is literally unhoused on the streets of Los Angeles who I love dearly, but they have the mentals. Some part of the mentals is that you don't think you have mentals. And anyways, he's obsessed with building a bridge around the world. That's his. His plan. I was like, man, let's get you housing. So I got. I was like, oh, I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna fix this. So we got a place. It's nearby us. It's in Glendale. It's, you know, an apartment. We get co sign on lease, and I tell my friend, hey, man, we got you a place. It's near services. You'll be right near us. And he said, yeah, I don't want to live in Glendale. And that is the one piece of wealth we all have, and that is dignity.

[John Lovett]

Let's spin it again. I want to talk about protein. That's what I want to talk about. Here's what I want to say. I have a couple points I need to make. I'm not sure the order it should come out. Doesn't really matter. One, we've gone nuts. We've gone crazy about protein. It's in too many things. Dessert protein, all kinds of ways. A lot of cottage cheese being kind of unholy, things being done to it in blenders being reconstituted, deconstituted, reassembled in puddings and yogurts and desserts. It's disgusting. Stop it. Stop it, stop it. That's not your problem. Whatever you think you're doing in that blender, the answer isn't in there. It never will be. It never will be. So that's important. That's one.

[Teri Hatcher]

Two.

[John Lovett]

We're doing it again. We did the food pyramid, and we convinced ourselves that you'd lose weight by eating 6 to 10 servings of bread a day. It was a fuck up. It was a real fuck up. It was awesome. I've talked about it. It was awesome. Because there was a year or two where like everybody was on a diet and the diet was pasta. It was the happiest time in history. It was. The box office was through the fucking roof. Cause popcorn was a diet food. But it was wrong. And we gained, I'm not exaggerating, £1 trillion as a society, huge fuck up. Low fat was fake. That was bad. We've transitioned to protein. Keto, Paleo. All of it. All of it about getting enough protein, no carbs, fasting state, trick your body into thinking you're dead. Consumer Reports came out with a story this week. It turns out that a lot of very popular protein powders, while helping you get to the amount of protein you need in a day, they also help you get to 2, 3, 10 times the amount of lead you should have ever, or at least in a week. Now, there is a little bit of lead in everything. That's the nature of living on a planet with, you know, rocks. But it turns out there is a downside to grinding up plants until nothing remains of the plant except the protein and the lead and I believe the cadmium, which is also bad. We are going to look back on the protein era the way we think about the food pyramid era, which was we all went nuts and we were eating protein but nothing else. We're all counting our fucking macros. Meanwhile, the next thing that's going to be, and mark my words, it is going to be fiber. We're all gonna realize we've been getting too much protein but not enough fiber. And then we're gonna all start finding out that they're putting fiber in fucking everything. And I don't know what's gonna happen when we fuck up fiber and overdo it. When capitalism's laser eyes get focused on teaching us that we are gonna not be happy until we're getting enough fiber. And then all of a sudden there's fiber being wafted in. But I'm excited about it. And that's our show. Thank you so much to the legendary Terry Hatcher, the incredible Maria Bamford. We will see you next week at Dynasty typewriter. There are 381 days until the midterms. Have a great night and have a great weekend. If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram TikTok and all the other ones for original content, community events and more. You can also find Love it or leave it on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad free Love it or Leave it and podcast Pod Save America Episodes, subscriber exclusive pods and more. Sign [e-mail] friends love it or Leave it is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer and Kennedy Hill is our Associate Producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre and Subba Agrawal are our writers. Jordan Kanter is our editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Cher. Sure thanks to our designer Sammy Cadearna Ries for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And thanks to our digital producers David Tools, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Delon Villanueva and Rachel Gajewski for filming and editing video each week. Our head of Production is Matt de Groat and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

[Maria Bamford]

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[John Lovett]

Hanaday presents. In the red corner, the undisputed undefeated Weed Whacker Guy, champion of hurling blood, grass and pollen everywhere. And in the blue corner, the challenger Extra strength anody eye drops that work all day to prevent the release of histamines that cause itchy allergy eyes. And the winner by knockout is Pataday Pataday. Bring it on.