Transcript
John Lovett (0:00)
Love it or leave it is brought to you by Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Planned Parenthood is the most trusted name in sexual and reproductive health and the largest sex educator in the country. Planned Parenthood believes everyone deserves medically accurate, unbiased care so people can make their own informed health decisions. And on top of that, everyday Planned Parenthood organizations are fighting for common sense policies that keep personal health care decisions between patients and their doctors, not unqualified lawmakers. Nearly 80% of Americans want that. The attacks on Planned Parenthood, our health care, our basic rights, they just don't stop. But you know what else doesn't stop Planned Parenthood? The amazing. Staff and volunteers at nonprofit Planned Parenthood health centers across the country do whatever they can to provide high quality, affordable care to 2 million annual patients. No matter what nonsense some people in power try to pull, you can help donate to support Planned parenthood@planned parenthood.org defend that's planned parenthood.org defend what's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love Live from Dynasty Typewriter. We have got a great show for you tonight. Bradley Wickford is here, and we'll test his news knowledge. Bob the drag Queen is here. Jessica Kirson is here. And we'll see together what goats Fox News can scape. And then we'll open up the floor to you, our dear audience. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Despite the Supreme Court's ruling that the US Must facilitate the return of wrongfully deported immigrant Kilmar Abrego Garcia, the Trump administration has no intention of doing so. Hey, shout out to elder millennials out there. A constitutional crisis and a midlife crisis at the same time. You deserve that motorcycle and or Le Crescent Dutch oven. Yeah, I have to tell you something. I got the Dutch oven and it's great. 40s Dutch oven. Makes me so happy. I used to do drugs. I still do drugs, but they don't hit like the Dutch oven. I'm telling you, watching the charred remnants of a brisket just glide off the side, revealing. Revealing the perfect white of that Le Creuset Fucking ceramic so it looked like it was burned to a fucking crisp. Wipes right off. I don't need Molly anymore. No. Two weeks of being sad after I make a brisket. The Justice Department argued that seeking his return would violate separation of powers by forcing the executive branch's hand in foreign policy. But ignoring a Supreme Court order. Amazing. For the separation of powers. While meeting with Trump in the White House, Salvadoran President Naya Bukele also dismissed the idea of Abrego Garcia's return. The question is preposterous. How can I smuggle a terrorist into the United States? This is obviously ridiculous. He doesn't need to smuggle anyone anywhere. Just open the doors, let the man walk out. He can buy a ticket. Now Trump is claiming he's powerless to get someone back from El Salvador. Bukele is claiming he's powerless to send someone back to the United States. We now go live to a shot of Franz Kafka's grave, where visitors have recently heard strange emanations from beneath the tombstone. Oh brother. Stupid. But here's the twist. Democrats decided to do something. I know. A group of Democrats led by Maryland Senator Chris Van Hollen said they would go to El Salvador to seek Abrego Garcia's release. More like Chris Van Hollen, ass. Great job, Chris. The Department of Homeland Security tweeted out a protective order that Abrego Garcia's wife once sought against him for domestic violence, writing, this Ms. 13 gang member is not a sympathetic figure. They still have provided no evidence that Abrego Garcia was an MS.13. Also, we're not fighting for this person because he's a sympathetic figure. Nobody deserves a life sentence without due process. Except for people who don't inch into the intersection when making a left. Two of us, two of us get to go to the Gulag with you. Also, when the third car goes long after the light has turned red to the Gulag with you. Not one car, not three cars, two cars, two cars get to go. On Thursday, Senator Van Hollen was denied entry to Secot, the mega prison, even though Republican Congressman Jason Smith of Missouri and Riley Moore of West Virginia were allowed to tour the facility just this Monday. Here's Congressman Riley Moore posing in front of a cell filled with intellig inmates. And now let's do a silly one. In other attacks on basic freedoms last Friday Last Friday, the Trump administration issued a set of demands to Harvard University requiring the school to report foreign students to federal authorities for conduct violations, to end all DEI initiatives, to exert greater control over student groups, to hire more conservative faculty to accept John Lovett in 1999. But on Monday, Harvard became the first university to outright reject the Trump administration's demands, calling them illegal. Never would have thought Harvard had it in them. Based purely on the people I know who went to Harvard, said Harvard President Alan Garber in a statement. No government, regardless of which party is in power, should dictate what private universities can teach, whom they can admit and hire, and which areas of study and inquir they can pursue. Way to go, Harvard, he said while jamming a pencil into his thigh. In their response, the Trump administration accused Harvard of anti Semitism, demanding meaningful change in exchange for taxpayer funding. I would never presume to speak for all Jewish people, but on behalf of the cool Jews, bool. The White House then froze over $2.2 billion in federal funding to the university and threatened Harvard's tax exempt status. Just pure thuggery, or as they call it at Harvard, Cornell behavior. This is good news. As difficult and costly as it might be to stand up to Trump, we already know by now what happens when you give in to his demands. Best case scenario, you slowly turn into this. For those of you at home, that was a hilarious photo of Rudy Giuliani's drooling hair dye, which you can see in the video version of this podcast available on YouTube at Love it or leave it podcast. Yeah, sure. Caving doesn't protect you from further abuse by Trump. Last month, Columbia bent the knee after Trump threatened to yank $400 million in federal funding. That classic New York City spirit. Hey, I'm walking here. With your generous permission, Mr. President. The university's trustees met with federal officials and agreed to demands including banning masks, cracking down on campus protests, and reviewing the curriculum and admissions for its center for Middle Eastern Studies. They let the federal government dictate how the school runs a specific academic department, when that is the job for a very smart and deeply annoying person who liked college so much they never left. In response to Columbia's weaselly behavior, Trump didn't say, thanks for rolling over, guys. According to the Wall Street Journal, Trump is currently pursuing a consent decree, an agreement that would have the Trump administration and Colombia locked in a legal battle over the terms of their agreement, potentially for years. Oh, you thought giving the bully your lunch money would make them leave you alone? No, bitch. He blew it all at McDonald's and on shoe lifts. He will see you tomorrow. And this time, he wants hash browns. So Colombia has torched his reputation for nothing. And that's an important lesson for all of us, because Trump's attack on academic freedom is part of a broader, coordinated assault on the right to dissent, to inform the public, and to challenge the government in court. Trump signed executive orders targeting two former administration officials for the crime of being critical of Trump and refusing to endorse election lies. A cool detail in your hinge profile, but a waking nightmare in your actual life. ICE is grabbing students off the street for co signing op eds as we saw in the case of Rumeza Ozterk. On the legal front, nine law firms agreed to a deal which would provide almost $1 billion in pro bono legal services. Those firms believed the pro bono work was for uncontroversial causes they already supported, like protecting veterans and making sure every American gets three servings of Forever Chemicals a day. But those firms are in for a rude awakening. According to the New York Times, Trump believes these services might include working for Doge, aiding the Justice Department, or representing Trump officials themselves if they're investigated. Trump's spokesperson also referred to the agreements as binding. So it turns out this Faustian bargain had some drawbacks. It didn't work out perfectly. It's a shame that this is the first time anyone has had to imagine what happens if you sell your soul to get out of a jam. We now go live to the grave of Elizabethan playwright Christopher Marlowe. Good grief. Guess these lawyers Ms. Dr. Faustus. Damn Yankees, The Devil's Advocate, Bedazzled. Or an excellent episode of the Twilight Zone with Burgess Meredith called Printer's Devil, which is one of several Twilight Zone episodes with a Faustian bargain. It's a great episode with Burgess Meredith. He's got that Penguin vibe, but he plays it down. He plays it down. One law firm that surrendered, Wilkie Farn Gallagher, recently hired a new lawyer, Doug Emhoff, husband of Kamala Harris, who said he opposed the firm's decision but was overruled. Small comfort, Doug, when you're providing free legal services to the QAnon Shaman after he throws pig's blood on the hood of Jamie Raskin's Chevy Volt. Real quick. What if we all woke up and Kamala was president and the biggest news of the day was that she was in hot water for bringing her Glock to the Easter egg roll? Wouldn't that be nice? Let's all wake up. Look up right now. Look up never works. But four firms specifically targeted by executive orders have all fought in court, and they're winning. Judges are halting these brazenly unconstitutional orders by the president. It's fun that the lawyers Trump can't get are, by definition, the ones who are good at winning in court. It's like trying to steal a champion racehorse by chasing after one in flip flops. Just this Tuesday, a judge blocked the executive order against the firm Sussman Godfrey, which successfully went after Fox News for lying about the election, saying the order was driven by the president's personal vendetta. Said the judge, the framers of her constitution would see this as a shocking abuse of power. We now go live to the grave of Benjamin Franklin.