← Makes Sense - with Dr. JC Doornick
Makes Sense - with Dr. JC Doornick
The Super Power of Unavailability - Why Successful People Don't Answer Every Text - E-172
00:42:57
Feeling constantly overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, and always on call for everyone else? In this episode of Makes Sense, Dr. JC Doornick reveals why becoming intentionally unavailable may be the ultimate superpower for protecting your peace, setting boundaries, reducing burnout, and taking back control of your life in a world addicted to instant access.
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- [00:01]
Jack Welch Management Institute Representative
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Lowe's Representative
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Dr. JC
Aprovecha los ahoros de Memorial Day in Los y compra los vasicos parelo gar pormenos ahoro centadolares en la parria gas de cuatro que madores Char broil Performance series. Is probably going to sound like a little bit controversial to some of you because of the way you've been programmed and conditioned, but may actually become one of the greatest superpowers in your whole life. And that is this idea of gaining this ability, working on this superpower of becoming unavailable. Have you noticed that the world that we live in has been doing most of the thinking for you? That your beliefs, perceptions, reactions, fears and doubts have been shaped shaped by unsolicited outside noise. How easy it's been for you to slip into that default sleep walking mode and label it as life and reality. Yeah, that ends here. Welcome to the make sense with Dr. JC podcast. This is your opportunity to start thinking for yourself, reclaim control, and step back into that role as the shock caller and dominant force of your own reality. It's when you change the way that you look at things that the things that you look at begin to change. So let's wake up, let's rise up, and let's make sense of why and how shift happens. Makes sense. Great morning. Great morning world. Welcome to another edition of the make sense with Dr. JC podcast. This is our live edition, so let's get started. I refer to this session that we're going to do today is the Superpower of Unavailability. So I want to invite you into a space where you're going to become aware and conscious. Going to arm you with the. The weapon of awareness of how you might be too available for things and people, current events. It's an interesting perspective to look at. This idea of, like, wasting time and being distracted and stuff like that. We're going to look at it differently today. We're going to look at it from the perspective of, are you just making yourself too available to those things? And we're going to entertain the idea of becoming unavailable and looking at it as a superpower, whether you have it or not. You. So I want to honor all of you for making yourself available. I've made myself available to you today, too. But as soon as you think that this is a session that is not serving you, get out of here. This is. I want you to make yourself unavailable to anything today that doesn't serve your goals and your dreams and the things that matter most. That doesn't support the things that matter most to you. So why successful people don't answer every text. So think about the last time your phone buzzed. You know, if you have your phone on buzz or rang, did you stop what you were doing to answer it? Are you the person that always stops what you're doing, even though you might have been exhausted at that time, even though you were finally having some sort of a peaceful moment? I find that interesting where we finally find some sort of a break in the action and some peace, and we still go and answer that phone. Deep down, you didn't even want to respond. You didn't even want to answer it, but you did it anyway. Now, as a reminder, is just my way of saying, hey, that's interesting. I don't know what I think about it yet, because on this show, we allow ourselves to be open and curious and acknowledge alternative perspectives and vantage points. And the reason why that's important is that's how you get in the prefrontal cortex of your brain, which is the only part of your brain that you're actually conscious of. Everything else is run by the lower parts. So if you say and you think about things and it's difficult because we live in a world where people want and demand certainty and an immediate rapid response. But when I thought of this, this pattern that we have where we just always answering, even if we don't want to, or even if we have some sort of a peaceful moment, we answer the phone. So one of the challenges is that we're more connected than ever. Today we. We learned a lot about AI and, and efficiency and all of this great stuff. But if you back away from it and say, hmm, we're more connected than ever today. Yet somehow people at the same time that we're more connected and we have all of these amazing tools, somehow people are feeling more burnt out, overwhelmed, distracted, emotionally exhausted and disconnected. How funny is that? We're more connected than ever. And people are feeling increasingly disconnected from what? Themselves more than ever. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. So what if the problem is not that you're too busy? I think a lot of people express overwhelm and we're too busy. What if the problem isn't that you're too busy? What if the problem that we're looking at today, if we looked at it as a problem, is that you've become too available? What a different way of looking at things. If you're open and curious to changing the way you look at things today, well, some of the things in your life might begin to change. So today I want to talk to you about something that is probably going to sound like a little bit controversial to some of you because of the way you've been programmed and conditioned, but may actually become one of the greatest superpowers in your whole life. And that is this idea of gaining this ability, working on this superpower of becoming unavailable. Now, I don't mean becoming cold or selfish. See, that's one of the challenges with making yourself all of a sudden unavailable, especially if you're always available. If you all of a sudden become unavailable, you might think that that's going to make you cold, selfish, or even arrogant. But I'm not talking about that. Not cold, not selfish, not arrogant, but intentionally unavailable to things like chaos, distraction, emotional manipulation. Are you making yourself available to emotional manipulation? To unsolicited criticism? Unsolicited criticism, a lot of these things. Noise does not require our permission to come into our life, but it does require our participation to stay, which would mean that you've made yourself available to it. Chaos, distraction, emotional manipulation, constant overwhelm and every demand fighting for acts access to our energy. We're going to talk a lot about access. See, when you make yourself available, you're providing access to your energy. So let's collectively refer to all that stuff as a lot of times you'll see me wear my shirt that says breaking news. I don't care. Now I do care, but I don't care about. I don't make myself available to. Okay, so all highly successful people eventually learn something that most people Never do. And that is this. If you don't protect your peace and your energy, the world will consume both peace and energy from you. So that's the difference between you controlling this day, you pushing this day around, and the day pushing you around. It's a choice. So in this episode we're going to dive deep into setting healthy daily boundaries. Boundaries are important. How to say no without guilt? Not an easy thing to do, especially with our programming. We've been programmed to feel guilty about saying no and how to stop being available to everyone. Take control of our time. Anybody want to take control of your time and why? Protecting your peace may be one of the most important self care habits in the modern world. So the next time you explain to people your strategies and your systems for self care, you can add this one in there. So you can say, you know, I do cold plunges and I meditate and I nourish and I drink lots of water and all that stuff. But now you can say, and I protect my peace as a form of self care. And by the end of this conversation with hope, you may never look at your phone the same way again. Now I'm not trying to boycott and eradicate phones. I have a phone. I'm talking to one right now. I love my phone and I'm able to connect with a lot of you guys here. But I'm saying you're going to look at it differently. Remember, if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change and it's who you are that determines how well what you do works. So if you're out there doing the do and you're not getting results, it might be the who. And how do you change the who? Well, you have to change the way you look at the who and things. So that's all we're doing today. You can leave here and go right back to your default mode program. But what we're going to do is we're going to allow ourselves, this is a power move to look at things differently from alternative perspective. Now for those of you that have read my book makes sense how to rewire your mind and transform your life, I teach something called the Interface response system. We might hit on that a little bit today. But that's a four step system to do this. Because I can say you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, but if you can't execute on that, you're just going to go around saying I know, I know. And those are the people that say I just Got to get out of my own way. But knowing and learning things in the absence of action, as you know, is just another form of distraction. So we're going to execute today. So today we're talking about the superpower of unavailability. And it's a burnout if you think about it. It's a burnout that nobody really talks about. We live in a very interesting culture here. So. Ever heard of this one before? Help yourself by helping others. Now, I was a humanitarian. I did mission work. I was in Haiti for the earthquakes and I built orphanages and all of that stuff. And I used to teach people this concept called give and receive. And I would ask you right now, what's more important to give or to receive? 99% of people would say, well, it's more important to give. And you also feel better giving. Nobody likes to go out there and just receive, even if you are just a receiver. So we've been taught, help yourself by helping others. Now that's kind of a selfish thing because what that says is help others to help yourself. So everything gets sticky here. But when you say help yourself by helping others, and it's part of your programming, what it's doing is it's building the illusion that giving is receiving and that by being useful to others, you receive the greatest gift of all. And that is to be useful. I don't think there's anything better than feeling like I'm useful to somebody else, getting what they need. If you ever meet somebody like Mother Teresa, those kind of people that have dedicated their lives to helping others, you gotta ask why. That might be a good time to throw a. Which remember stands for haven't made up my mind. You don't have to make up your mind so fast. We talk about that a lot here. Okay, so here's another concept behind this idea of help yourself by helping others, giving to others, and making yourself available in service to others, which is a noble thing to do. I am a servant. I am a servant to mankind. Serve mankind. If you look at the hierarchy, there's no higher form of self actualization as a human being than serving mankind. But here's the illusion. If I serve mankind, if I'm in service to others, the idea is that it will naturally make them available to you. Well, it doesn't always work out like that, does it? So we're focusing right now on those of you, most of you, that might be making yourself too available. You're still going to be available, but we're going to become selective. We're going to use selective availability today. So I think one of the biggest causes of modern burnout right now and also modern burnout recovery, it's not the workload that we have, it's access. So there's another word. By making myself available, I'm providing access. So everybody has access to everybody right now. And this is one of the interesting things to note. Good or bad? I don't know. We need them both. But everybody has access to everybody right now via text notifications. If you have, like, closed the door of access to me, all I have to do is make sure you get a notification. As a matter of fact, I'm getting notifications on my phone right now. I'm getting notifications on my computer. So if I'm having a nice peaceful moment right now, those things are popping up. So I might want to consider turning those down. We have emails, dms, group chats, work apps. I'm in a new chat with my inner triangle friends, but that's in WhatsApp, my phone. Because everybody loves each other and it's enriching and I like making. Making myself available for those people. But are you in a group chat that you shouldn't make yourself available to. So you get to choose. You get to choose. So that makes me say so. Social media is a very, very interesting thing if you change the way you look at it. So we've trained ourselves to be emotionally on call 24 7. Now, I don't know what your work hours are. You know, say my work hours are 9 to 5. And, you know, you guys have scheduling and some of you work too much, some of you work too little. But we've trained ourselves as far as access and availability to be on call 24 7. You might not even know this. And somewhere along the way, many people started believing, try to grab this. Many people started to believe that immediate responsiveness equals a good person. If somebody asked me a question and I don't respond, that's sending a message. Especially if they see that I saw it. I call that seesaw. They see that I saw it because it says red. There's another access and availability. You might want to turn that sucker off, right? The idea is that if I don't rapidly respond or I don't give an appropriate answer because sometimes my answer is just and I leave it at that. Does that make me a bad person? Or have we just been programmed to think that availability and constant access makes you a good person? What if constantly answering texts instantly is actually training your nervous system to remain in a Perpetual state of reaction. Think about that. What if your constant rapid response, which makes you a good person, is actually training your nervous system to be in a constant state of reaction? Now, what we like to talk about with the interface response system is like we. We like to move from reaction to response, which means that there's some thought into that. True north says that's some good shift. That's the name of my newsletter, because it is some good shift, right? What is good shift? It's when you say, I never looked at it that way. Interesting. You want a power move for the day? Allow yourself, give yourself permission to become open and curious. So what if your exhaustion has less to do with hard work and more to do with emotional overstimulation, which is a byproduct, a side effect, and a symptom of making yourself available and providing too much access? Emotional overstimulation. There's that nervous system. It's like the reverse neuroplasticity that you don't want. Hypersensitivity to things that don't matter, right? They don't support. You didn't take the time to think about it because every buzz pulls your attention, every notification fractures your focus. Every unnecessary conversation drains your psychic energy. Did you ever think about that? I know that sometimes you talk to people and you go, oh, man. Inside your brain, you're saying, this, this is draining me. We call them energy vampires. In our makes sense ecosystem, we call them flow burglars. Some people just try to burglarize your flow. They're draining your psychic energy, and you have no more psychic energy. You lose your creative process and you lose that ability to be the dominant force and shock caller of your day when your psychic energy is drained. And most people don't even realize how much of their day is being stolen or burglarized by constant accessibility. This is why so many adults today feel completely overwhelmed. And I would say kids too, and teenagers. This is why they feel so overwhelmed, not because they lack capability. In our ecosystem, we say we feel that everybody here is highly capable, just scattered. That's why we say clarity before action. That's what we teach at our Make Sense Academy and in our Podcast Academy and in this ecosystem, clarity comes before action. So if you're in do do do do, do, you revert back to the who because it's who you are that determines how well what you do works? And how do you figure out the who? Clarity. So let's talk about this idea of taking this radical step in a world that says that this Is not cool and it makes you a bad person. Let's talk about this idea of stopping this constant accessibility and availability to everyone. So one of the hardest lessons in personal growth, valuable but hard, is realizing that saying yes to everybody eventually becomes saying no to yourself. If I say yes to everybody, I'm saying no to myself. I struggled for years, years and years, and I never really got the return on that investment. I was a humanitarian. I mean, I was like trying to save the world, but I never saved myself. I went through a divorce. I never saw my kids. What's up with that? Houston, we have a problem. So how many times have you answered a text immediately while ignoring your own peace? Remember, there's that other form of self care. Heck, just acknowledging the text, the notification disturbs our peace. If you're having a peaceful moment like meditating or you finally find a break in the day and you're just going to allow yourself to be bored and do no thing, but you have the notifications on, that's robbing you of your peace. It's kind of like a needy child that's in the back of the car while you're trying to have a conversation with your partner tapping you on the shoulder and just saying, are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Now I'd rather have my kid do that than my phone. But it's the same thing. How many times have you participated in conversations that you didn't even want to have because somewhere inside of you you felt guilty not responding? Tell the truth. I've been in a lot of conversations where pretty quickly I said, I don't want to be in this conversation. It's not interesting to me. I don't know how to get out of those conversations. Anybody have any ideas for that? It's not interesting to me. It doesn't align with me. It's agitating me. I'm frustrated by it. But I just listen. Why? Because I feel bad. I feel bad. How many times have you participated in a conversation that you didn't want to be in because you felt guilty about it? Oh, God. Let's come up with a way of getting the hell out of there. I was thinking about it. It would be totally rude. But if you're having a conversation with somebody that you don't align with, what's the worst thing that can happen? You don't become friends with that person. What would happen? What are your, what are your thoughts on this? What would happen if you said, I gotta be honest with you, I don't Align with this conversation and I'm not enjoying myself and frankly, I got a lot of to do. I'm gonna back out of this conversation. Right. That wouldn't go well. What it There's a little bit of an interesting correlation between approachability. So if I make myself highly approachable right now, I'll give you the God's honest, transparent truth. Ever since my podcast got very, very popular, we're getting pitched on so many people wanting to come on it, including friends. People feeling entitled to come on even if they don't meet the quality control that my team looks at. So you have to close down approachability. Sometimes approachability can be a good thing, but it could also be kind of a disguised form of availability. This is where people pleasing quietly destroys people's lives. How could that be? People pleasing destroys people's lives. And the reason is, is because most people aren't addicted to helping people. They're addicted to avoiding discomfort. What I mean by that is avoiding things like rejection, avoiding disapproval, avoiding being misunderstood. So we're trying to avoid discomfort. We don't want to go through the feelings of rejection, disapproval. I gave you that scenario before. I don't want somebody to think that I'm an asshole. I think, you know, somebody said this to me the other day. We all agreed that we're all. Is everybody here willing to agree that somewhere inside you're an? You might not let anybody know it. Hi, my name's JC and I'm a recovering and it's still inside of me. Sometimes I want to be an but I don't. Why? Because I want to avoid rejection, disapproval, and I don't want people to misunderstand me. Those are high values. And because of that, people stay endlessly accessible. This is why we do it, why we allow ourselves to become approachable. I've actually been taught to become approachable, to build my business and things like that. But without knowing it, I became too available. I want you guys to look at your availability. If you would rate your availability to everyone from a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the ultimate extreme of availability, 1 being, like, unavailable in general, what would you rate yourself? What would be your score? I've been a 10. But right now I would say I'm like a healthy four or five. And one of the ways that I do that I'm approachable in the sense that people feel comfortable to come up to me and say something, but I don't engage in the conversation. Remember, people don't require your permission to show up. They require your Participation to stay. So there's an interesting thing like if I just listen and I don't engage and I give them the honor of listening, just like a cloud, I pass on by. I pass on by. Because what people are really looking for is the response, right? They're not just looking for a response. They're looking for the response that they're hoping for. They bounce a ball to you with a question. They're hoping to get a bounce back with the answer that validates their point. Why? Because everybody wants to be right. Everybody wants to work on their identity and their self value by being right. Oh man, we could go into this. We could go deep into this. Successful people eventually learn how to say no. I want everybody to say no. No. And here's another one. Three words. I don't know. I love those three words. When somebody asks me a question and I'm not like some sort of an expert or guru or I legitimately don't like for real, no. I just say I don't know. Not because they hate other people. This is an accessibility and an availability thing. It's because they value their energy. Do you value your energy enough to say no? So they understand that attention is a currency. Folks, I want you to look at your attention as a currency today and everybody's vying for it. You might think that people are trying to get you to spend money. That's the easy part. Once they have your attention. God, we just learned about AI and algorithms and all sorts of stuff. What are we doing? We're learning how to grab people's attention. Now I hope that you're going to grab people's attention. And that's, I hope, what I'm doing right now with quality stuff that I can enrich and change people's lives. But attention is a currency. And every unnecessary emotional interaction costs you something. Your focus, your clarity, your peace, your nervous system. The wiring, the reverse of what you want with neuroplasticity. And you know what else? It robs you of your creativity. When we lose our energy to a flow burglar or an energy vampire or we make ourselves available to something that we shouldn't, it takes us out of the creative process, which I think is one of our unique gifts that we have. So this is why setting boundaries, as I said before, is not a selfish thing. Setting boundaries is a survival thing. And guess what happens when you do it right? Survival breeds thrival. Now that's a word I made up, thrvival. So survival breeds thrivel. You don't Want to always be in survival mode. But, you know, it's funny, I'm thinking about Richard Dolan today, who was one of the speakers at this Mastermind. And he says, you know, you got to learn how to use your hands when you're. When you're speaking. And I just caught myself using my hands. And so thrival, it comes first by surviving, and then you begin to thrive. And one of the greatest mind shifts that you can make today or in your life is realizing that you do not need to explain every boundary you create. Isn't that funny how when we create boundaries, we feel like we have to explain them? We live in a world where if somebody asks you a question, you're not allowed to just ignore them. Maybe if you're walking in the street and somebody tries to hand you something that's different, but if somebody walks up to me and says, hey, Dragon, what do you think of this? And I just look at them, I'm immediately typecast as a cold. Why?
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Granger Representative
Why?
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Dr. JC
It wasn't my idea for them to come up. So there's this, like, rule. There's this. There's this, like, fair game going on. So one of the greatest mindset shifts that you can make today is that you don't need to explain yourself or your boundaries to everyone, contrary to what you were probably raised to think. So that one changes your life and it changes the lives of people around you. So why should we become unavailable? Sometimes if my wife has an emergency, this show ends. If I see a alert on my phone that my daughter needs me or my two boys need me, the show ends. But outside of that, I'm unavailable to everybody else but you guys right now. So there's priority, right? There's levels of availability. Let me clarify something really important. This episode is not about isolation. It's not about isolating yourself. Unavailability. It's more about disappearing from people that don't matter. It's about becoming selective with your access and your availability. Selective availability. Selective access. You do this today, you're going to free up a lot of your time, and you're going to have a better day, and you're going to have more creativity and you're going to get more done and probably follow through with what you said you were going to do this morning. Here's an analogy, and I talk about this in my book. Makes sense. It's kind of like a bouncer that's standing at the door of a nightclub. Your life is the nightclub. And this practice that we're talking about is the bouncer. You know. This is about treating your access and your availability like a private party going on in the club. And only people that are on the guest list get in. The next time somebody says something to you or an event comes up or you hear about some news, just check the guest list. Check the guest list. Sorry, you're not on the list. Go to the end of the line. Maybe you'll end up on the list some other time. Check the guest list if you like that. There's a whole. And you have my book. There's a.
- [29:17]
Capella University Representative
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- [29:49]
Dr. JC
Approve. Char Royal Performance Series Ademas Aurora Cinco Porciento en Electro Domestico Selectos no estra mejor selection.
- [30:13]
Capella University Representative
Visita to Louis Mastercano
- [30:17]
Geico Representative
I'm here on the job site with Dale, who's a framing contractor.
- [30:21]
Dr. JC
Hey, good morning.
- [30:21]
Geico Representative
Dale traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for all his business vehicles. We're here where he needs us most.
- [30:27]
Dr. JC
Yep, they sure are.
- [30:28]
Geico Representative
We make it easy for him to save on all his insurance needs, all in one place with coverage that fits his business and bottom line. Oh, I shouldn't have looked down.
- [30:37]
Dr. JC
It's all right.
- [30:37]
Geico Representative
We're still so far up here.
- [30:39]
Dr. JC
Look at me. Take a deep breath.
- [30:40]
Geico Representative
Oh, I'm good. So good.
- [30:42]
Dr. JC
Get a commercial auto insurance quote today@geico.com and see how much you could save. It feels good. To Geico.
- [30:48]
Granger Representative
This is the story of the 1. As a maintenance tech at a university, he knows ordering from multiple suppliers takes time away from keeping their arena up and running. That's why he counts on Granger to get everything he needs, from lighting and H vac parts to plumbing supplies, all in one place. And with fast, dependable delivery, he's stocked and ready for the next tip off. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.
- [31:17]
Dr. JC
QR code. And you can go through the whole exercise of creating what's called your sorting filter. And you learn how to set up the Bouncer in your life as well. So when you're available for everyone, you eventually become unavailable for yourself. Isn't this what so many people are experiencing right now? Wouldn't you agree? Isn't this what so many people are experiencing right now? They've become disconnected from themselves because they're constantly plugged into everyone else, constantly reacting. Everybody's nervous systems are on reaction mode right now, constantly responding, constantly consuming noise. Remember something, what it is that we consume with regularity ends up being what we assume with regularity. If you're consuming noise, you're assuming noise. You're having a bad day. So it's becoming increasingly difficult to unwrap the present moment right now. If I consciously voluntarily sit myself in and unwrap the present moment, I am here now with you. And that's the only thing that's actually happening. The beginning of this conversation's over. The future. I have no idea what's about to happen. I have no idea what the next question or distinction is going to be. And I'll get to those in a second. But it's about unwrapping the present moment, and it's becoming increasingly difficult. Heck, it's one of the primary reasons that this guy gets up at 4 in the morning. I get up at 4 in the morning no matter what. N m w. No matter what. Why? Because it's mine. Nobody else is up at that time, right? So I do things to protect myself. One of them is I get up in the morning and I get two hours of work done and I do my meditation and I do my exercise and all of that, and it is wonderful. I am extremely unavailable at that time. So the Interface Response System from my book, there's also podcast episodes on that. On this show, the Interface Response System, which we also call the irs, teaches us to first perceive, awaken, become aware, perceive, pause, and then process things. We talk about the bouncer, the looking at things differently. We have this thing, this exercise called the Sorting filter. Hey, if you get the book makes sense. How to rewire your mind, transform your life. In the beginning of it, if you didn't notice, there's a QR code that gives you the assets, which are these exercises that I'm talking about. The Interface Response system is there. Perceive, pause, process, proceed to save my life. Everybody knows my story. I figured it out. And that's what I teach people. That's the irs. But modern culture skips the pause entirely. What does modern culture mean? The herd, the stampede. That's modern culture. Modern culture, to me, Means at this time, people that are caught up in the culture versus themselves, they're not self aware, so they miss it entirely. So the phone buzzes, react, email arrives, react. Someone gets upset, react. And if you don't, shame on you. And the result is emotional exhaustion. So one of the most powerful self care habits that you could develop is learning how to pause. Guys, if I ask you a question, you're allowed to think about it. And you're also allowed to not answer. It was my idea. You're not a bad person if you have nothing to say. Sometimes it's the smartest thing you could ever do. Pause before participation. Remember, noise doesn't need your permission to show up, it needs your participation to stay. So pause before you decide to use the currency of your availability and your access in participation. Pause. Just pause. And if somebody goes, wait a second, what's your answer? I love when people say, well, what do you think when I say hmm? And I go, well, actually I'm thinking, is that okay? Not every message deserves our immediate access, right? It doesn't deserve immediate access to your nervous system. Not every conflict that happens deserves your energy. And not every opinion deserves your explanation. If I have an opinion about you, you do not need to explain yourself. Justify, protect yourself. It's mine. If I offer you a present and you don't receive it, who does the present belong to? Me. Not you. Stop accepting gifts. All of them, right? They're wrapped for a reason. You don't know what's in it. It could be just a shitstorm, okay? Sometimes the healthiest thing that you can do is to protect your peace and energy by simply not engaging and not being available. I know this is going to be tough for some people and ironically, the moment that you stop over explaining yourself, people often begin respecting your time more. This is interesting. Do you know anyone? I. I love to use Eckhart Tolle. So if you ever go to an Eckhart Tolle, you can go watch them on YouTube. If somebody asks him a question, the dude like waits two, three minutes before he answers. He allows himself, he gives himself permission to think before he talks. I think it's the coolest thing in the world. And if I say something to somebody and they don't answer and I the dance is not going on the way I was hoping, which was my intention, that person just passes on by, right? I move on to somebody else. But I almost, I also find myself curious about that person. If I meet somebody that allows themselves to think, allows himself to remain open and curious and Think before they just react. I have high respect for that person. You know, some of my. My friends, you know, shout out to my buddy Jim Quick. We hang out a lot. We appreciate and we respect each other's silence. If you have a good friend that will respect your silence. I know this is an important part of my relationship with my wife. We call her the chicken. Sometimes, if she has nothing to say, I respect it. I respect it. Why? Because I love her. Silence is a competitive edge, a competitive advantage the modern world rewards right now. Noise, efficiency, rapid response, certainty. Everybody is trying to win arguments. Everybody is broadcasting opinions. Everybody wants immediate reactions. A lot of people use that as a strategy, right? We ask questions on our podcasts, we ask questions on our posts. Engagement, Engagement. Engagement. But silence becomes rare. You want to become rare and unique. Be quiet. Be quiet and rare things become powerful. So have you ever noticed how uncomfortable people become when you don't immediately respond? This is really funny. Try it. Open up a zoom sometime with a bunch of people and you're the leader of the zoom and just don't talk for like a minute. Watch what happens to people. It gets so uncomfortable. So uncomfortable. So when people know exactly how to trigger you, by the way, they can unconsciously control you as well. If you're someone that always rapidly responds and you're always available, you're actually training people to expect that of you. But when you stop reacting impulsively, that pattern breaks. If somebody's giving you shit all the time and it's bothering you, is pissing you off, you want to break that pattern. Become unavailable. Become unavailable. It's not about ignoring. It's just about not responding so fast, not reacting. Okay. That's when the pattern breaks. So that's why silence in this sense is very, very powerful. Not manipulation, not manipulative silence. Not passive, not passive aggressive. That's not what we're talking about here. I'm talking about conscious silence. Conscious silence, the kind that says, I no longer need to participate in every emotional invitation. Can you say that? And this is one of the biggest life advice lessons that adults eventually learn. Your peace often requires distance from unnecessary noise. Gotta say that one again. Your peace often requires distance from unnecessary noise. So this is how you take control of your time and stop feeling completely burned out. And this is why many successful people don't answer every text immediately. The name of this episode, that right there is why they don't answer every text immediately. They're protecting their peace and the things that matter most and their high leverage impact. And they're impeccable to their word that day. You got to block out the noise. You don't have to make yourself available. Because they understand that constant accessibility destroys deep thinking, emotional clarity, creativity, and presence. So we're talking about choosing yourself first without guilt. Anybody suffer from guilt here? So one of the most difficult parts of setting boundaries is guilt. People feel guilty saying no, guilty of protecting their time. How funny is that? Guilty of becoming unavailable. Why do we automatically assume self abandonment equates to kindness? Why do we assume that abandoning ourself means that we're being kind? Put that in your pipe and smoke it. So why do we believe exhaustion? Hustle culture. Why do we believe that exhaustion is proof of love? Go out of your way to do things right. Out of your way. Nothing about your way. Careful. I'm not saying being selfish there's value. My wife, her love language is acts of service, but she's a high priority. And why is this? Because many people were conditioned to earn acceptance through availability. That hits home. But choosing yourself first, it's not selfish, my friends. It's necessary. Especially if you're dealing with constant overwhelm and your nervous system has been overloaded for years. You gotta start choosing yourself. And here's an interesting version of the truth. Now, I always, I like to say that version of the truth because I don't really know the truth. It's just at this time when you become healthier emotionally, people will start accusing you of changing. Oh man, he's changed. If you go out and get healthy right now and you stop drinking and you start doing, stop doing all these things, people be like, oh man, what the hell happened to jc? But maybe you didn't become cold. This is for you. Maybe you finally stopped abandoning yourself. That's different. You want to stop drinking, you're going to get healthy. By the way, I'm a, I'm a health transformation coach. I've helped hundreds of thousands of people lose weight, get healthy, reset their metabolism. So I work with a lot of people. If anybody out there is struggling, you're welcome to reach out to me. I've got a simple goof proof program. I lost 80 pounds 20 years ago and kept it off. A lot of my clients stop abandoning themselves, right? And their friends don't want to hang out with them. Isn't that funny? So this is where healthy mindsets begin to form. By the way, when you start practicing this, take little steps. Little steps. I came up with this idea about the Nobel Prize. Let me see if I can get it right. You Realize you awaken to this idea that you've been nominated with the Nobel Peace Price, not prize. So there's a big difference being nominated by the Nobel Peace Price versus the prize. So here's what it means. You can love people without giving them unlimited access to your energy. Okay? We're growing towards the prize now. You can care deeply without carrying everybody emotionally. You can become somebody that cares deeply without carrying everybody emotionally. You can say no without being a bad person. Did you know that? And you can protect your peace without apologizing for it. And that, my friends, is how you earn the Nobel Peace Prize versus the peace price. I thought that was pretty cool. In closing, but first, becoming less available feels uncomfortable, okay? So if you're going to go out and do this, prepare to be uncomfortable, which is a good thing, because where does growth take place? They get the rest of it right outside the comfort zone, outside the comfort known. So at first, it's going to be uncomfortable. You're going to feel guilty because this is part of your system, your programming, your conditioning. You're going to feel pressure and you're going to wonder why people are upset with you, the herd, okay? But over time, and this is the bright side, over time, something incredible happens. The noise starts fading. It starts dimming. The noise starts fading. Your nervous system calms down and your thinking becomes clearer. Your emotional reactions begin to slow down. This is the neuroplasticity in the right direction. And your life begins feeling like your own again. Oh, I feel so good. And slowly, you stop living reactively and you stop being controlled by every notification, every expectation, every emotional demand. You stop surviving and you start becoming intentional. And that's that thriving. So that's the real superpower. Not dominance, not status. That's not what it's about. Not control. Peace. Give peace a chance. That's what they were telling us, right? The Beatles. So what is your superpower? They're going to ask you, what's your superpower? And you can say, peace. I restore peace to myself and therefore others. This is what it means to have that superpower means the ability to remain centered in a world that is addicted to urgency. In closing, maybe the strongest thing that you can say in 2026 is not. Yes, maybe it's not today, not at this time, or even just. I'm not sure. I'll have to get back to you if that's okay. And if that's not okay, tough, tough. If that's not okay. So love and appreciate you. Wow, what a fun day today. What a What an honor it was to be with everybody today on YouTube and on substack. Have an amazing day and I'll see you next time. Bye bye. Now. That's it for today to support the make sense with Dr. JC podcast. Be sure to subscribe, like and share, as well as follow the Make Sense substack for free daily quotes, live streams, and blogs. And remember, learning without action is just another form of distraction. If something hit home and you learned something today, give it away. That's the only way it's going to stay. See you next time. Makes sense.