Gabby Bernstein on Manifesting the Life of Your Dreams

Summary

Summary of "Gabby Bernstein on Manifesting the Life of Your Dreams"

Podcast: Making Space with Hoda Kotb
Host: Hoda Kotb, TODAY
Guest: Gabby Bernstein
Release Date: January 1, 2025

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Introduction to Gabby Bernstein

In this inspiring episode of Making Space with Hoda Kotb, Hoda engages in a heartfelt conversation with Gabby Bernstein, a renowned spiritual teacher, New York Times bestselling author, and host of the Dear Gabby Podcast. Gabby shares her transformative journey from struggling with addiction to becoming a beacon of resilience and spiritual growth for others.

Gabby’s Early Life and Struggles ([03:10])

Gabby opens up about her tumultuous past, revealing that today marks her 19th year of sobriety. She reflects on her younger self, describing a relentless pursuit of validation and fulfillment through external achievements.

Notable Quote:
"This was where I go. I think about the part of me that was so desperate to be seen and the part of me that just was searching, seeking validation, worthiness in all the wrong places."
— Gabby Bernstein, [03:29]

The Turning Point: Sobriety and Recovery ([05:04])

Gabby recounts hitting rock bottom due to severe drug addiction and alcoholism, which ultimately became her catalyst for change. She describes her epiphany during a moment of desperation, where she heard an inner voice urging her to get clean.

Notable Quote:
"I heard a directive voice. And that voice said, get clean, and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams."
— Gabby Bernstein, [05:31]

Finding Community and Embracing Spirituality ([09:51])

Gabby emphasizes the importance of community in her recovery journey. She highlights how connecting with like-minded individuals and embracing spiritual principles provided her with the strength to heal and grow.

Notable Quote:
"I first believe I found community and fellowship. And that they said early in recovery that if you don't know what a higher power means to you, that the higher power is in the group, in the community."
— Gabby Bernstein, [09:51]

Overcoming Trauma and Embracing Inner Work ([11:05])

Gabby delves into her experiences with trauma, including childhood sexual abuse and the painful loss of a baby. She discusses how her commitment to inner work, spiritual development, and therapeutic practices became her "insurance policy" against life's hardships.

Notable Quote:
"Any form of inner work, spiritual development, therapeutic inner work... is an insurance policy. Because things will happen in your life, difficult moments will happen, transitions will happen in your life."
— Gabby Bernstein, [12:22]

Navigating Faith and Mental Health ([16:14])

Addressing the complexities of faith, Gabby shares her struggle with suicidal postpartum depression. She underscores the necessity of combining spiritual belief with professional medical support, highlighting that faith alone cannot resolve biochemical issues.

Notable Quote:
"There was a moment in that where I was like, I can't go on like this, because biochemical conditions will take even the most faithful person to the darkest places."
— Gabby Bernstein, [16:14]

The Purpose of Helping Others Heal ([17:10])

Gabby discusses her lifelong calling to help others heal and find their spiritual connection. She explains her philosophical belief that our souls choose the challenges we face in life to facilitate growth and resilience.

Notable Quote:
"I believe that when we, before we come into the body, we're certainly sitting at a table with our spirit guides... my soul had to go through all these layers to be able to sit in the seat that I'm in right now."
— Gabby Bernstein, [17:26]

Developing Self-Worth and Overcoming Limiting Beliefs ([24:27])

Gabby introduces a four-step self-help practice based on Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy to address and transform limiting beliefs about self-worth. She encourages listeners to approach their inner critic with curiosity and compassion.

Notable Quote:
"We have to really tend to these wounds inside of us as if they're little children inside that deserve compassion and connection and calmness."
— Gabby Bernstein, [08:44]

Daily Routines and Wellness Practices ([33:03])

Gabby shares her morning and evening routines that sustain her well-being. Whether in her country home or Manhattan apartment, she integrates meditation, journaling, gentle exercise, and biohacking techniques to maintain balance and creativity.

Notable Quote:
"Every morning we choose how to begin our day... I sit for a 30-minute meditation. I connect to what I believe are my guides and angels."
— Gabby Bernstein, [33:10]

Embracing Change and Following Intuition ([37:17])

Discussing decision-making, Gabby differentiates between fear-based choices and intuitive knowing. She advises listeners to develop their inner guidance to make empowered decisions aligned with their true selves.

Notable Quote:
"An intuitive knowing is almost irrational, right? It's like I just know... whereas the fear-based decision making is very rooted in logic and reason."
— Gabby Bernstein, [37:23]

Promoting Continuous Growth in Relationships ([22:34])

Gabby reflects on her long-term marriage, emphasizing the importance of mutual willingness to grow and develop together. She highlights that a shared commitment to personal growth sustains and strengthens relationships over time.

Notable Quote:
"The thing that made me want to show up for the difficult dynamics was his willingness to grow and mine."
— Gabby Bernstein, [22:56]

Highlighting Her Latest Book: "Self Help" ([24:27])

Gabby introduces her tenth New York Times bestselling book, Self Help: This Is Your Chance to Change Your Life. She explains that the book provides actionable steps to dismantle core limiting beliefs and fosters personal transformation.

Notable Quote:
"This one offers the actual steps that you can take to undo those core belief systems and unburden yourself from those core beliefs that have been the driving force of your life."
— Gabby Bernstein, [24:27]

Final Reflections and Personal Aspirations ([40:44])

As the conversation concludes, Gabby envisions her ideal day centered around spiritual retreats, creative writing, gentle exercise, and connecting with like-minded individuals. She underscores the importance of intentional living and self-care in achieving personal fulfillment.

Notable Quote:
"I'm going to be at this retreat center vibe... I go to bed early."
— Gabby Bernstein, [40:44]

Conclusion

Hoda and Gabby's dialogue offers listeners a profound exploration of resilience, spiritual growth, and the journey towards manifesting one's dreams. Gabby's candid sharing of her struggles and triumphs serves as a powerful testament to the human spirit's capacity for transformation and self-empowerment.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• "I heard a directive voice. And that voice said, get clean, and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams." — Gabby Bernstein, [05:31]
• "We have to really tend to these wounds inside of us as if they're little children inside that deserve compassion and connection and calmness." — Gabby Bernstein, [08:44]
• "An intuitive knowing is almost irrational, right? It's like I just know... whereas the fear-based decision making is very rooted in logic and reason." — Gabby Bernstein, [37:23]
• "This one offers the actual steps that you can take to undo those core belief systems and unburden yourself from those core beliefs that have been the driving force of your life." — Gabby Bernstein, [24:27]

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Final Note:
This summary encapsulates the essence of Gabby Bernstein's episode on manifesting dreams through self-discovery, resilience, and spiritual alignment. For a deeper dive into her transformative insights, consider listening to the full episode or reading her latest book, Self Help: This Is Your Chance to Change Your Life.

Transcript

[Hoda Kotb]

If you love your phone but not your carrier, just switch to T Mobile. You can keep your phone, keep your number and we'll help pay it off up to $800 per line. You can also use our savings calculator to compare our plans and streaming benefits against Verizon and AT&T. So switch and keep your phone, keep your number and keep more of your moolah. @t mobile.com up to four lines via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device credit service port in 90 plus days with device and eligible carrier and timely redemption required. Card has no cash access and expires in six months. Hey Fidelity, what's it cost to invest.

[Gabby Bernstein]

With the Fidelity app?

[Hoda Kotb]

Start with as little as $1 with no account fees or trade commissions on US stocks and ETFs.

[Gabby Bernstein]

That's music to my ears.

[Hoda Kotb]

I can only talk Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. 0 account fees applied to retail brokerage accounts only sell order assessment fee not included. A limited number of ETFs are subject to a transaction based service fee of $100. See full list of Fidelity.com commissions Fidelity Brokerage Services LLC member NYSE SIPC for anyone who has ever felt stuck, out of alignment or just in need of guidance, this conversation it's for you. My guest today is here to help all of us to connect with our inner self, to manifest the life of our dreams, and to share the simple truth. The universe has your back. Gabby Bernstein is a spiritual teacher, a New York Times bestselling author, and and host of the Dear Gabby Podcast. For nearly two decades, Gabby has been transforming lives, including her own. After facing her own struggles, Gabby strengthened her spiritual connection, turning her trauma into a limitless source of love, strength and freedom. And now she's sharing her methods and practices, helping others to lead their highest quality life. Gabby's latest book, Self Help, charts a path to healing to help you shift your core beliefs and connect with an infallible inner guidance system. The Energy of self as we begin this new year, I am revisiting this beautiful conversation to share the words we all need to hear. Gabby's teachings are so beautiful. Her unique approach, rooted in love, compassion and authenticity, will inspire you to turn fear into faith, connect to your power, and live in alignment with the universe. With Gabby's help, we can heal from the past, feel worthy of greatness, and live beyond our wildest dreams. And she is going to show us the way. I'm Hoda Kotb. Welcome to my podcast Making Space. I want to get into all things about You. But I just want to go back a little bit because for some people, a few people, they might be meeting you for the first time on this podcast. So let's talk about you, the younger version of you. You were like a grinder, a go getter. I'm going to go after it. You were in pr. Did you always want that to be your thing when you were younger?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Well, it's. So you just reminded me that this is actually a really big day for the old me today. Right here, right now. Today is my 19 year sober anniversary.

[Hoda Kotb]

Oh, my gosh. Wow.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Celebrating with you today. Today. Yeah, today.

[Hoda Kotb]

Wow.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And so when you asked just now about my younger me.

[Hoda Kotb]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bernstein]

That's where I go. I think about the part of me that was so desperate to be seen and the part of me that just was searching, seeking validation, worthiness in all the wrong places. And so this was. I was 25 when I got clean and sober.

[Hoda Kotb]

So when you were starting, were you just. Because I think the younger you is like a lot of people out there. It's like, I got the paycheck, my life is sweet. I got the car. Like, it must have felt in that moment like you were checking all the boxes. You were getting all the things that you thought you needed in life.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Yeah. I remember at the time talking about this thing where I would say the when I haves. When I have that new client, I'll be happy. I had a nightlife PR company in New York City. So you can do the math, right. I was partying. I was, you know, say, gabby at the door, passing the velvet robes. But it was fun for a minute. The one I haven't and the one I have.

[Hoda Kotb]

That's interesting.

[Gabby Bernstein]

When I have that boyfriend, I'll be happy. I mean, this is when I was 25 years old, so the one I haves were a little less interesting than they are today. But when I get that new client or when I can have access to this X, Y, Z, whatever that next when I have was never fulfilling enough. It was just filling an empty cup. And I would just keep reaching and reaching for more, which ultimately led to a very serious drug addiction and alcoholism and big bottom.

[Hoda Kotb]

Did you recognize yourself slipping early on or was it something that you were making like a lot of people do? I think not excuses, but I'm just partying. I'm just enjoying. This is just me having fun. I'm living the good life.

[Gabby Bernstein]

I was so young that the excuses worked.

[Hoda Kotb]

Yeah, right.

[Gabby Bernstein]

20 to 25. Really heavily using was like, everyone's doing Drugs, everyone's doing it. And the nature of the work that I was in, it was just the scene. This was what was happen. And thankfully for me, I hit my bottom hard and fast because the drugs that I was using were so extreme that it just took me to my knees, which I'm so grateful for, because that was the catalyst. 19 years ago.

[Hoda Kotb]

I can't believe we're doing it on this day, by the way.

[Gabby Bernstein]

19 years ago today, there's nowhere I'd rather be than having this conversation with you because it's so reflective. I can think about that girl in my studio apartment, on the floor, on my knees, coming down from the drugs from the night before. And I was so desperate, Hoda. And I said to myself, to God, to universe, whoever was out there, I didn't know at the time. I said, if there's a higher power, tell me what to do. I need a miracle. And I actually heard an inner voice. I heard an inner voice. I heard a directive voice. And that voice said, get clean, and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams.

[Hoda Kotb]

Get clean. Okay. So you came out of that foggy, hazy, horrible night with this kind of epiphany. So it seems like an incredible kind of message, but how did you even begin to dig yourself out of that hole?

[Gabby Bernstein]

I had a desire. I had the willingness. I had a friend, a friend who knew where to go, who said there was a meeting on this corner. Go walk in. Wow. And I walked in the door. I had no idea where I was, what they were talking about, but I knew I was at home. I had found my fellow sober people.

[Hoda Kotb]

Oh, my gosh.

[Gabby Bernstein]

I wanted it. That's what I would say to anyone struggling with addiction right now, or anyone who has a loved one who's struggling with addiction right now, that having long term sobriety and really keeping up with your sober recovery begins and continues with the willingness and the desire to be sober, to be clean, to live a life of sobriety.

[Hoda Kotb]

So you go to a meeting now, keep in mind, you have this business, you have these clients, you are this kind of hotshot.

[Gabby Bernstein]

I thought so. It wasn't that fun. Yeah.

[Hoda Kotb]

At that moment, right. The perception was, so now you're stepping out of that life. Was it easy to, like, shed that skin or were you a little bit. In both places, it was kind of.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Easy because I want back to the wanting it. I wanted it. I wanted so badly to feel better. I wanted to be free. I wanted. And I also had a really strong spiritual foundation. I was brought up very spiritual. My mother brought me to ashrams. I was taught to meditate as a child. So all the while, even when I was using drugs and alcohol, I. I had these stacks of self help books next to my bed, and I'd read them and I'd write in my journals to come down from the drugs. And I would really say to random people, I'm gonna be a self help book author and a motivational speaker.

[Hoda Kotb]

Well, you thought that long ago.

[Gabby Bernstein]

That was my vision. That was what I wanted because I was speaking publicly a bit when I was in my. When I was still using, but I was speaking to marketing classrooms and to women's networks. But I had that gift of being able to communicate and translate, and I just knew that I wanted to translate spiritual principles, but it seemed very far from reach when I was doing drugs.

[Hoda Kotb]

How does the heal? Cause you talked about, you went to this group, but how do you begin to heal? Kind of all of that brokenness. What was the thing that gave you the off ramp?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Okay, that's a really beautiful question. I think that when you first start off in any kind of recovery, whether it's sober recovery or recovery from a relationship or recovery from a trauma memory, I think that there's this phrase that I was offered many times in my life. I wish you a slow recovery.

[Hoda Kotb]

Boy, that's really good.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Yes. Yes. Because it's not the kind of thing if you just rip off the band aid and you just dive right in and you start to unearth all of the parts of yourself that are so wounded and so traumatized, you will blow yourself out. It will be too extreme, too much. Your whole system won't be able to handle it. And in fact, that kind of ripping the band aid off actually leads people at times to go back to the vices, to go back to the protection mechanisms because it's too extreme. And so we have. Have to really tend to these wounds inside of us as if they're little children inside that deserve compassion and connection and calmness. And we have to pace with that, with these parts of ourselves. And I've been pacing with these parts of myself for 19 years.

[Hoda Kotb]

Wow.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And I've had journeys and journeys and journeys of recovery along the way. So those early days are real simple. Really simple.

[Hoda Kotb]

Your body, mind, spirit, your. All of you. The spiritual part of you. You said it was always hungry, it was always seek, it was always kind of looking. What did it find?

[Gabby Bernstein]

So much.

[Hoda Kotb]

So many things.

[Gabby Bernstein]

So many great things. Okay, that's such a great question. I first believe I found community and fellowship. And that they said early in recovery that if you don't know what a higher power means to you, that the higher power is in the group, in the community. So any form of spiritual community that you may find in your lifetime, whether it be a religious spiritual community, a friend spiritual community. And when I say spiritual, I mean just a group of serious friends is a spiritual connection. It's based on love, or a recovery group that God was in the group. And that energy is what just drove me for those early years. And so I found community, I found like minded souls. I found myself and others. I recognized myself and others, even if they were so demographically different than I was. I could say, well, you know, homeless person off the street, I recognize myself and you, famous person on the news. I recognize myself and you because we're all in the same room, humbled in the same way. And that was a huge first recognition.

[Hoda Kotb]

I like how you also found miracles. I feel like miracles are there for people who are open, people who have the desire to see them. But how did that enter your life?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Well, I am a student of metaphysics, and I believe truly that a miracle is simply a shift in your perception. So when I made the choice to get clean and sober, I chose something new. That was a shift in my thinking. That was a miracle one day at a time. I kept choosing to perceive my experiences through the lens of love or choosing to perceive these difficult encounters along the way because it didn't get easier getting sober. Right. I had life ahead of me. I struggled with workaholism, I struggled with codependency. I remembered a trauma when I was 36 years old. I remember childhood sexual abuse in a dream.

[Hoda Kotb]

Oh, geez.

[Gabby Bernstein]

So this is the reason why I was using. That core wound came to me 10 years clean and sober. And that memory, how do you. There's a new wave of recovery that had to come through. And then the journey of trying to conceive and that extreme pain and suffering and then carrying late term and losing a baby. These are life experiences, but they're gifts when you choose to perceive them through the lens of possibilities, through the lens of what is the obstacle that is detouring me in the right direction.

[Hoda Kotb]

I think what you just said just was very profound. You said losing a child, and you also talked about seeing it through a lens that isn't filled with despair. And I'd bet you a million bucks there are a lot of people listening who've had your experience, who maybe aren't seeing it that way. I mean, that's one of the greatest losses one can imagine.

[Gabby Bernstein]

I wanna unpack that with you because I said it kind of like this, but it's deep. And just before I was talking to a friend who had a similar story to mine. I spent all of 2020 doing IVF. The only people I saw were the IVF nurses. And I was in and out of these hospital rooms and did nine rounds of treatment, gained 30 pounds. It's Covid. And round after round had no viable eggs. And I got one viable egg, and that viable egg made a healthy, tested embryo. And I get a phone call from the embryologist and she's like, you have this beautiful embryo. I'm so excited for you. And I said, okay, keep preying on my embryo as it continues to develop. And I remember the day when the embryo, when they do this beautiful thing where they implant the embryo. And sometimes you get this beautiful vision which looks like a lightning. It's almost like a sp or like a shooting star. And I just was like holding the hand of the nurse and I was listening to Hallelujah and this spark of light comes in. And I watched this baby enter into my body. And it was just the most miraculous moment for me. And his name was Owen. And I carried him for five and a half months. And I remember, listen, we kept saying our mantra was, all you need is one. All you need is one. And we were in that room on the 20 week scan, and the doctors are coming in and out and they're having these very scary faces and asking, well, how many more embryos do you have? And my husband said, all you need is one. And that was the day that we realized that he was alive, but he wasn't gonna thrive. He wasn't. I would. I would be very compromised if I carried on with that pregnancy. And in this moment right here, right now, I remember that experience so clearly of walking out of the hospital after this extreme experience and looking at my husband and saying, this is what I've been training for. This is what all the years of spiritual development, trauma recovery, therapeutic support, this moment is holding me. My faith is holding me like a blanket right now. And that's the message I want to give to anyone that's listening, no matter what they've been through or what they may go through in the future, is that any form of inner work, spiritual development, therapeutic inner work, attending and recognizing these experiences, healing yourself, whatever form that comes for you is an insurance policy. Because things will happen in your life, difficult moments will happen, transitions will happen in your life. And if you're not prepared emotionally, spiritually, it can be far more difficult. It doesn't mean that that wasn't a hard moment, but. And I lived through it. But I gotta tell you that truth, that my faith held me like a blanket.

[Hoda Kotb]

And both things can be true. Your faith can be horrible, and it can be the most excruciating pain totally in the world. Did any of these big, heavy things. I know your faith. You were wrapped in it. Did you ever question throughout all this process? Because I'm sure your life is full of highs and lows as you were going through. And you're the one people turn to for advice, and you're the one who's like, tell me it's going to be okay. Did you always know it was going to be okay no matter what the circumstance was?

[Gabby Bernstein]

There have been times and periods in my life where I've had stories in my head where I've said, I don't know if I can do this anymore. And I'm sharing a lot of difficult things, but I think it's important that I do because I want to share the story of resilience. Right? So I also had suicidal postpartum depression. And that was a moment in my life when I wanted to take my life because I was resisting medication, trying to take all these holistic paths and not listening to the right voices. And for four months, living with suicidal depression was just horrific. And there was a moment in that where I was like, I can't go on like this, because biochemical conditions will take even the most faithful person to the darkest places. So there's no amount of faith that can work through the biochemical issues that need support and medication. But I do believe that there is God in the medication and in the doctors.

[Hoda Kotb]

So now, you always knew that you wanted to be in this world where you were helping people heal and find themselves and all that stuff. Stuff. How did you go about that? Like you were still finding your own footing. But was it one of those things like helping you will help me, or what was it?

[Gabby Bernstein]

I think I've psychically known my whole life that this is something I'm here to do, even if I wasn't able to put it into words. So even when I was in high school, I was leading the Jewish youth groups in my community, and I was like this, like, teenage Sherpa, you know, like, leading these groups. And so I always had this call to spirituality to heal myself, to feel better. And I'm gonna take you to a petty metaphysical thesis that I own for myself. This is true for me. I believe that when we, before we come into the body, we're certainly sitting at a table with our spirit guides and our angels and energy of love and we're like, let me go down the list of all the things I'm gonna go through so that I can experience all the lessons my soul wants to learn in this lifetime.

[Hoda Kotb]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And so I went down, I was like, check, check, check. A lot of funky things. But my soul said yes to those things so that I could be in the service of others, so that I could live to tell, so that I could be an example of resilience, so that I could authentically and vulnerably speak on behalf of spiritual principles and therapeutic principles that are all very spiritually backed and speak with authority on these principles, not just some woo woo bs, but speak with full blown embodied authority. I know that my soul had to go through all these layers to be able to sit in the seat that I'm in right now.

[Hoda Kotb]

More with Gabby Bernstein when we come back. If you love your phone but not your carrier, just switch to T Mobile. You can keep your phone, keep your number and we'll help pay it off up to $800 per line. You can also use our savings calculator to compare our plans and streaming benefits against Verizon and atmosphere. So switch and keep your phone, keep your number and keep more of your moolah. @t mobile.com up to four lines via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device credit service port in 90 plus days with device into eligible carrier and timely redemption. Required card has no cash access and expires in six months.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Every morning we choose how to begin our day.

[Hoda Kotb]

I think about the people at home.

[Gabby Bernstein]

They tune in because they are curious, they care about their world and they care about each other.

[Hoda Kotb]

There's always something new to learn, whether a news event or a new recipe. And when we step through the morning.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Together, it makes the rest of the day better. We come here to make the most of today. We are family. We are today.

[Hoda Kotb]

Watch the Today show with Savannah Guthrie and Craig Melvin Weekdays at 7am on NBC.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Hey everyone, it's Jenna Bush Hager from Today with Jenna and friends reminding you to check out my podcast Open Book with Jenna. On this week's episode, I sit down with best selling author Rebecca Yarros to talk about how she drew on her experience with chronic illness and life in a military family to write 4th Wing and her process to plot out five books in the series. You can listen to the full conversation now by searching Open Book with Jenna wherever you get your podcasts.

[Hoda Kotb]

A common thing people say or express to me is that somehow they don't feel deserving or worthy of whatever it is their job, their this, their, you know, whatever. They don't feel worthy. And finding self worth and saying the words I am worthy, that doesn't come easy. You coach people in so many different ways. How would you advise someone who's saying that to you?

[Gabby Bernstein]

So any limiting beliefs that we have about ourselves are young, old, old stories. If you were to say to someone that says, I don't believe I'm worthy of greatness and you ask that person, how old is that belief? They'd be like, oh, it's been around since I was 2 or 6. Or they might even remember the moment that it came to be when my teacher told me I was stupid or my dad left the house or these are moments in time where these young parts of us have no ability to process big extreme emotions. And then right away we develop a belief.

[Hoda Kotb]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And that belief becomes almost like a protection mechanism. And that belief gets repurposed and replayed and projected onto future outcomes and dug up from the past and lived out in the moment. And so really what happens in our life, oda, is we manifest what we believe. So if we are walking around with a belief that it's too good to be true, the next ball is going to drop. I'm not worthy. What are you going to get? You're going to get a lot of maybe close calls and then not allow things to come into form. You're going to get some struggles you're going to get. And the limiting beliefs that people are walking around with, the fear based beliefs that they are avoiding every single day are dark and scary. And I can speak for myself, one was if I don't do it, nobody else will. I'm only truly healing that belief system right here today. Right now with you. It's slowly inching away.

[Hoda Kotb]

You seem to know your career path really just crystal clear when you were choosing a partner, how much did his development matter? Because sometimes when you don't develop at the same pace, it makes it funky. How did you or, and I know a lot of people go through that too. Did you square that?

[Gabby Bernstein]

I think that the biggest question you want to ask yourself is that are we both willing to develop, to try?

[Hoda Kotb]

Right. Okay.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Because for me, I can think back my husband, I've been married for 11 years. So when I think back to when We. We met when I was 27 years old, and we've been married for 11 years now. So when I think back to where we were then and the struggles that we had, the thing that made me want to show up for the difficult dynamics was his willingness to grow and mine. And so if two partners continue to develop, even if it's at a different pace, the desire to develop is enough to keep the relationship moving in the right momentum. It's when the other party says, no, I'm not here for that. Right.

[Hoda Kotb]

Or, we're fine the way we are.

[Gabby Bernstein]

We're fine the way we are. It's too scary to go to those places. It's not me, it's you, or whatever that might be. It's never just one partner. These two souls have come together to work out some karmic shit. Okay, yeah, definitely. That's just what it is. And so are you gonna keep growing and developing together, or are you going to keep developing and the partner's not gonna come with you, and that's fine too, right? We can't force anyone to be who we want them to be.

[Hoda Kotb]

Your confidence is contagious, by the way. And I was wondering. Cause you've written, I think, 10 New York Times bestselling. This is the 10th one called Self help. This is your chance to change your life. And the title of this is on Point. Like, if you see this in a store, you want to get it, but this is the chance to change your life. Like, you have this chance. What are you trying to tell people with this book?

[Gabby Bernstein]

That of all my books, I've written books about manifesting. I've written the Universe has your Back, it's Super Attractor, and books on trauma. I've written lots of books about inner development, spiritual development. Of every single one of my books, this one offers the actual steps that you can take to undo those core belief systems and unburden yourself from those core beliefs that have been the driving force of your life.

[Hoda Kotb]

Now, some people say, well, that's just the way I'm wired. This is the way I am. My parents are that way. So you say you can untangle that?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Yes, because when someone's saying, that's just who I am, what they're not realizing is that's actually a part of who they are. It's a young part. It's a. That was developed at a young age. It's a protection mechanism that was developed very young that's been replaying over and over again. And so we start to believe, you know, I'M just am controlling. Or in my case, like, if I'm not going to do it, nobody else is going to do it. Okay. That's a really young story for me. That's a really, really young story for me. And so these parts of us are like little children inside of us.

[Hoda Kotb]

That's interesting.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And if. What would you say to your children? You would say to your girls, if they said to you, you know, mommy, I'm not good enough, what would you say? How would you meet them?

[Hoda Kotb]

Oh, I would be like, first of all, I'd ask her why she thinks that.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Curiosity. Yeah, there you go.

[Hoda Kotb]

Tell me what you're talking about.

[Gabby Bernstein]

That's right.

[Hoda Kotb]

Even though I'd want to say, like, what the hell are you talking about? Then I'd hear her out, probably, and then I would. Probably. Yeah. From that point on, I think I'd just try to unpack it with her and try to figure out if we could like, sort it out. But what should you do? What should you do?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Well, what you just said gave me full body chills. So let's just unpack that. You'd start with curiosity and say to her, why would you think that?

[Hoda Kotb]

Right.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And then you'd hold space for her. You'd be a very calm presence, I imagine, and then you'd help her unpack it, which seems very compassionate. Right. And you connect with her on it. What happens when we say those things to ourselves? Do we meet ourselves with that same level of curiosity or compassion or connection?

[Hoda Kotb]

Right.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Yeah, right.

[Hoda Kotb]

I was just thinking right now, if my child spoke to herself exactly the way that I remember speaking to myself as a kid, like, oh God, they're not gonna like this. Like, if I even imagined either of my girls saying that, it would crush me to think that they would think that of themselves. So yeah, you're right. Trying to untangle all that stuff, all that old stuff, but the fact that it's possible and not baked in gives you hope that, you know, we're not destined to be the way our moms or our dads were or grandparents, you know, we can be different.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Well, the process is exactly what you just said, but it's putting it towards ourself.

[Hoda Kotb]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bernstein]

So it's a four step process. It's a self help practice that's based on a therapy called internal family systems therapy.

[Hoda Kotb]

Okay.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Which is about your inner family of young parts of you, not your external family. It's about this inner family of all these extreme parts of us. And so. So exactly what you just said, which gave Me, full body chills is the process that we would extend inside. Okay, so let's say, let's imagine that there's. For me, let's just use me for an example. The story of if I don't do it, nobody else will. Instead of sticking to that story, fighting back with everybody, being so extreme in that if I had a moment of pause and I could choose to check in with that story as if it was a little child inside of me. Okay, so that's step one.

[Hoda Kotb]

That's interesting. Yeah.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Choose to check in with the story. Step two is curiosity, which is exactly what you said. What do I know about this story? Right? Asking little questions like, how old are you? How long have you been around? Where do I feel that story in my body? What do I know about it? Is there any images or anything that it wants to reveal to me? Giving it a few seconds, one minute of curiosity. The third step, compassionately connect, which is very much what you were saying. It's like, let's unpack this. And so, so what is the compassionate connection here? Asking that younger part of you, what do you need?

[Hoda Kotb]

What do you need? That's good.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And then the fourth step is just noticing any shifts inside, noticing the miracle, right? The shift in perception. Do you feel more calm? Do you feel more connected? Do you feel clarity? Do you feel courage, compassion to the part of yourself? Do you feel like there's a little bit more creativity budding? And so that four steps is very reflective of what you would intuitively do with your child, is becoming your own internal parent.

[Hoda Kotb]

Ooh. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's good. I went to this week long retreat that a friend of mine told me about and it was so interesting because one of the little things they do say is they don't encourage you to exercise, do running and all that kind of stuff because. Or whatever it is that chases away your stress. Because they want it laid bare. They want to see it so they can eyeball it. And I've often thought about, like sometimes I was like, if I don't exercise, I feel terrible. I've got to exercise. And then the days that you can't, you twist your ankle, you don't feel good, you have a cold, then all suddenly you're watching your whole body and go like, you know, going down the mountain, you're like, wait a minute, wait a minute. But it was just interesting because it did remind me that like sometimes when you can see something in plain sight, you can deal with it. And if you're exercising, it Away, eating away, drinking it away, smoking it, whatever, shopping it away, whatever we do, it ends up, you know, all those things.

[Gabby Bernstein]

That we do to make it go away are in the book and in internal family systems therapy called protector parts.

[Hoda Kotb]

Oh, protector parts.

[Gabby Bernstein]

So there are parts of us that are trying to protect from the impermissible young feelings. So protectors might be working out. Protectors could be drug addiction, alcoholism, workaholism. Protectors are controlling. Protectors can sometimes even look like good qualities, right? Like, like exercise could look like a great quality. But think about all those people who, like, they're running, running, running. And the real question is, what the hell are you running from?

[Hoda Kotb]

You're running your how many marathons?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Right? Okay. What are you running from?

[Hoda Kotb]

Yeah, that's interesting.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And it's not that, that we shouldn't have those parts of us, but the work in this book and based on this, this model of ifs, the work is about unburdening those parts so that. And tending to them. Right. Being the internal parent, connecting to these protection mechanisms so that they can calm down.

[Hoda Kotb]

Oh, yeah.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And then when these extreme parts of us start to calm down, they can thrive. So my controlling part, she created a lot of drama. But she also wrote 10 books in 14 years, right?

[Hoda Kotb]

10 in 14.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Yes.

[Hoda Kotb]

God, you are on fire.

[Gabby Bernstein]

She's done a lot of good work.

[Hoda Kotb]

You're on fire. More ahead with Gabby Bernstein. Stay with us. Hey, guys, Willie Geist here reminding you to check out the Sunday Sit down podcast. On this week's episode, I get together with one of the brightest stars in all of music right now, Jelly Roll telling me about singing those hits that inspire and telling the story of his rise from a difficult past. You can get our conversation now for free wherever you download your podcasts.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Hey, everybody, I'm Al Roker from the Today show.

[Hoda Kotb]

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[Gabby Bernstein]

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[Hoda Kotb]

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[Gabby Bernstein]

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[Hoda Kotb]

Come on, let's do this. To subscribe, download, start today from the app store on your Apple device now Terms apply. Cancel anytime through Apple under profile settings. Hi, Georgia. Hi, David.

[Gabby Bernstein]

What do you think the world needs more of? Well, the world always needs more podcasts.

[Hoda Kotb]

Didn't you used to have a podcast?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Not only did I used to have a podcast, Georgia.

[Hoda Kotb]

It's coming back, David. Tennant does a podcast with Season three is coming at ya.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Okay, and who are your guests?

[Hoda Kotb]

Who are my guests? What about Russell T. Davis? What about Jamila Jamil? What about Stanley the Tooch Tuchy?

[Gabby Bernstein]

So it's really just you hanging out.

[Hoda Kotb]

With your mates then? Yeah. Come join me. David Tennant does a podcast with. Bye. So when you start your day, because I like to know how someone especially as creative as you, how do you level set yourself in the morning? What's your normal morning routine so that you feel like you have a good productive day?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Depends on what state I'm in.

[Hoda Kotb]

Okay.

[Gabby Bernstein]

So I live part time upstate in northwestern Connecticut and I live the other part of the time in Manhattan.

[Hoda Kotb]

Okay.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And so if I'm in my country home with my child, I will be woken up by a five and a half year old, almost six year old who will be, you know, get jump in my bed and you know, his toenails aren't cut, they're scratching on my body. And so that's my morning practice. And I will sometimes if he can rest, I'll, I'll say let's do a little meditation. We'll place our hands on our hearts, we'll breathe together.

[Hoda Kotb]

Would you like to do that?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Like, like 30 seconds. 30 seconds.

[Hoda Kotb]

He'll take that. Okay.

[Gabby Bernstein]

They'll take what you do, right? They're going to reflect you and then I'll start my day by getting him out the door. But that's early in the morning so that's quite nice. And then, and then I'll maybe move into calling my chief of staff who's in the UK and she. So that's like a 7:30 phone call while I'm now exercising on that call. So I want to move in the morning for even five minutes.

[Hoda Kotb]

Okay.

[Gabby Bernstein]

But today waking up in Manhattan by myself, you do. With the sun rising out my window, I sat for a 30 minute meditation. I connected to what I believe are my guides and angels. I was in the presence of that spiritual connection. Full download. I journaled for about a half hour after I meditated. And in my journaling I got great marketing ideas and I got.

[Hoda Kotb]

Is that what comes after meditation?

[Gabby Bernstein]

I mean for me like I'm like can you just give me some like deep wisdom? And it's like these are five YouTube titles. I don't know, this is where I go.

[Hoda Kotb]

But it's so true. I think once your brain is emptied out, creativity makes room for all of your stuff. Okay.

[Gabby Bernstein]

So you get that full blown creative download feel aligned. I did a little Bit of stretching, and then I got on a call with my team. Then I did my own makeup. You did? I did my own makeup.

[Hoda Kotb]

Nice. Oh, good.

[Gabby Bernstein]

She really just, like, you know, getting into it.

[Hoda Kotb]

What's your bookend at the end of the day? What do you try to do?

[Gabby Bernstein]

So I put my kid to bed. My husband and I put my son to bed. And we have a nice downtime routine with him, which is we talk to the angels. So we'll say, thank you, angels. And so my son really believes in angels. And he. And it's beautiful because, look, I don't ever wanna put my faith on people. I have my beliefs, and I'm here just actually to crack people open to their own spiritual connection.

[Hoda Kotb]

That's beautiful.

[Gabby Bernstein]

But these are my beliefs, so I believe in angels. And so we go to bed and we say, thank you, angels, for helping us have only good dreams tonight. And my son starts going huggies for everyone. And he hugs all the angels. And then he goes like this. He started to just do that himself, putting the love out to the angels, and he just hugs the angels. And. And that no matter what happens at night, whether we read the book, whether we listen, he likes to listen to We Will Rock youk To Fall Asleep.

[Hoda Kotb]

That is so funny.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Queen. Queen is his bedtime music.

[Hoda Kotb]

Is that queen?

[Gabby Bernstein]

100%.

[Hoda Kotb]

Okay. That's hilarious.

[Gabby Bernstein]

That's his downtime song. So we talk to the angels, we put on Queen. Maybe we'll get a little Benson Boone in afterwards. Like that really popular song that all the kids love. And, you know, there's a little mix that goes down. It's really aggressive, maybe a little Gaga. And then I usually go and do like, a tremendous amount of biohacking to wind down. So if you watched me in my.

[Hoda Kotb]

Bedroom, what do you do?

[Gabby Bernstein]

What's going on? I've got the Normatec boots. I've got, like, the compression boots. And I've got the red light on my face. I've got the Lima laser on my. Right here with a red light over here. And what else do I do? I've got all of it. All the things like a face mask.

[Hoda Kotb]

Do you love all that I live for?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Helps me wind down.

[Hoda Kotb]

Yes.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Think about how charged up we are. We need to power down the machine. And some people are like, oh, I don't have time for that. I'm like, you're watching a show anyway. Put your. You. If they're like, oh, I can't afford a red light. All of that. Okay, I get all that. So put on Some music, put on some lavender oil, do something that once take a bath and then turn the show off pretty quickly.

[Hoda Kotb]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Don't go to bed with the show.

[Hoda Kotb]

No. Good idea. There are people who want to chase their passion, take a risk, jump, but they are afraid of it because sometimes it's, you know, you have safety and security here and God knows what's over there and they're not sure if this is the right time or the right place. How do you know? Because I feel like sometimes you have an inner knowing and sometimes you're like, is that God talking? Is that just me? Is it, you know, how can I tell if should I be doing it? What if you are troubled or in between on a big decision?

[Gabby Bernstein]

I get this question quite a bit in my live talks. What's the difference between my fear and my intuition?

[Hoda Kotb]

Yeah, that's good.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Particularly in big life change. So an intuitive knowing is almost irrational, right? It's like I just know. I may not know the outcome, but there's a sense inside and it feels settled. And if you think about anything other than that knowing, it feels off balance for you. It's unsteady if you detour from that. And there's clarity there and there's this sort of innate courage there. And sometimes it may not make sense logically but it feels good. Good. Whereas the fear based decision making is very rooted in logic and reason and left brain and shoulds and should nots and a lot of shoulding. A lot of shoulding. And I think there's also just an energy that can sometimes be. It doesn't feel in the flow. So what does the flow feel like? The flow sort of feels like there's this sensation of it's this or something better. I am allowing, I am free in this decision making. And so it can take some time to get to that sense of freedom or that sense of knowing inside. And sometimes it can be both. Two things can be true. You can have the fear and the knowing, but you really want to tap into how can I develop that knowing more or allow that knowing to develop more and to not make the move when that knowing isn't fully clear.

[Hoda Kotb]

Yes, it's got to be there. And I think too we all have a practical side. It's like I want to do this, this. Except I can't, you know, because I need, I can't leave this job. Cause I need a paycheck and insurance and I can't.

[Gabby Bernstein]

But I.

[Hoda Kotb]

But I feel it. But I feel like this is something I should risk and that's tricky.

[Gabby Bernstein]

I think that there's ego in that too, because I think an ego meaning fear. I think that we can have desires and it still might not be the right time.

[Hoda Kotb]

Yeah.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And so the desire can sometimes overshadow the inner knowing because the desire is so strong. But the inner knowing might actually be saying, yes, but not now. And so that's when we need to get still.

[Hoda Kotb]

Right.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Because I have seen lots of people follow that spark of desire too quickly and make the wrong.

[Hoda Kotb]

Everything goes upside down. Yeah.

[Gabby Bernstein]

You know, I just quit my job.

[Hoda Kotb]

Yeah. Wait, why'd you do that?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hoda Kotb]

Someone gave me some good advice. She said, if you have a passion or something, she said, put 10% of your time and 10% of your money toward that.

[Gabby Bernstein]

Yes.

[Hoda Kotb]

So you, you're, it's almost a side hustle, but you don't feel stuck. Like, it's not like you're, you're doing all or nothing.

[Gabby Bernstein]

That's exactly what I would say to somebody. So if somebody's like, I'm in this career, I don't like it, but I want to be doing something else. I'll always say to them, well, how can you be just doing that thing now? Right.

[Hoda Kotb]

What's something we can do when you're.

[Gabby Bernstein]

In the experience and the doing of that thing that becomes your reality? I was a publicist by day and a moonlighting as a motivational speaker by night for free, for five years before that became my full time career.

[Hoda Kotb]

Can you believe you're doing exactly what you always wanted to do?

[Gabby Bernstein]

Yes, I can believe it.

[Hoda Kotb]

See, that's what I love. And we got the 10th, soon to be New York Times best selling book. It's called Self help. This is your chance to change your life. Before we go, I always like to ask our guests if you were given a day. Gabby, just for you. No kids, no nothing. Just you opened your eyes when you wanted just like with the rhythm of life and your day unfolded just for you, the way you wanted it. How would that day play out for you?

[Gabby Bernstein]

I'm kind of creating that date. It's coming up for me. Oh, I. It's kind of the first time I've really done this. So I'm going to be at this like retreat century vibe. Okay, maybe there's some people around, but not a lot.

[Hoda Kotb]

Not a lot. Okay.

[Gabby Bernstein]

There's a really yummy breakfast y thing and I wake up to the sunrise and I have my like really good coffee with my nut pod and all my cinnamons and I kind of socialize because that's my. I'm such an extrovert. So it's like five minutes of, like, morning, like, how are you? Whatever. And then I go off to my little cabin and I write for about two hours because morning is my moment.

[Hoda Kotb]

That's you.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And then I go out and I maybe do a little bit of a walk or some kind of exercise, but just gentle exercise. And then I'll go into, like a sauna. And then I'll do an ice bath. And then I'll come back and I'll do some more hydration, like a tea. And then I'll write more.

[Hoda Kotb]

I love that.

[Gabby Bernstein]

And then I'll go have a really yummy dinner with these spiritual people. And then I will go back and maybe write a little bit more. Maybe just, like, go to bed early.

[Hoda Kotb]

By the way, that sounds like the perfect day. That sounds like the perfect day. All right, guys, pick up the book again. It's by Gabby Bernstein. It says it's called Self help. This is your chance to change your life. Thank you so much, Gabby.

[Gabby Bernstein]

I adore you. You're so wonderful. Thank you.

[Hoda Kotb]

Thank you. Hey, guys, thank you so much for listening and for coming on this journey with me. If you like what you heard, and I hope that you do, please give Making Space a five star rating and review on Apple Podcasts and make sure you tell your friends. Follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you're listening right now. Making Space with Hoda Kotb is produced by Allison Berger and Alexa Casavecchia along with Kate Saunders. Our associate audio engineer is Juliana Masterilli. Our audio engineer is Katie La Lau. Original music by John Estes. Bryson Barnes is our head of audio production. Missy Dunlop Parsons is our executive producer. Libby Least is the executive vice president of Today and Lifestyle.

[Gabby Bernstein]

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