Podcast Summary: Making Space with Hoda Kotb

Episode: Viola Davis on Self-Love and Shaping Your Own Future

Date: February 18, 2026 (original conversation from April 2022)
Host: Hoda Kotb
Guest: Viola Davis

Overview

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Hoda Kotb sits down with the acclaimed actress and EGOT winner, Viola Davis, to discuss her memoir, Finding Me. Their conversation dives into themes of self-love, trauma, perseverance, and the ongoing journey of embracing one’s own story. Viola shares vivid, often painful memories of her childhood, explores the complexities of healing from trauma, and reflects on the transformative moments and relationships that shaped her. This interview is honest, raw, and uplifting, offering listeners both heartbreaking testimony and inspiring takeaways about resilience and self-worth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

On Writing and Sharing Her Memoir

• Vulnerability and Fear
  • Viola describes the process of releasing her memoir as “terrifying,” comparing it to “running naked in a crowded stadium.” [03:52]
  • Quote: “I know what I said. I just don’t know what you heard, and I know what I wrote. I just don’t know how it’s going to be received.” – Viola Davis [03:56]
• The fear comes from putting her life out there for the world to judge, and the uncertainty about how her experiences and words will be interpreted.

Childhood Hardships

• Growing Up in Poverty and Hunger
  • Viola recounts going to school hungry, the shame of not being able to tell anyone, and scavenging for food by any means necessary—whether begging on the streets or relying on soup kitchens and church handouts. [04:52 - 07:40]
  • Quote: “The thing about being hungry is you don’t think about anything else. You don’t get at the business of being you... The worst part of all of it is the deep, deep shame.” – Viola Davis [04:52]
• Experiencing Bullying and Racism
  • She details daily harassment—being “hunted” by neighborhood boys, called racial slurs, and physically threatened. She highlights the psychological toll and deep sense of worthlessness it created. [07:40 - 09:44]
  • Quote: “What I realized from a very early age was I was born in a world that I just didn't fit into... I was worthless. That's what it told me.” – Viola Davis [08:05]

Domestic Violence and Survival Tactics

• Witnessing Domestic Violence
  • Viola discusses the trauma of growing up in a home marked by violence between her parents and the stigma and secrecy around domestic abuse. [10:11 - 10:55]
  • Quote: “The last of the acceptable violences is domestic violence. Nobody really cares, I’ll tell you that.” – Viola Davis [10:11]
• Coping Mechanisms: Disconnection and Compartmentalization
  • She describes physically escaping by hiding in the bathroom and mentally escaping by focusing on her body until she “left” herself, likening it to Harry Potter’s pensieve. She also discusses how achievement and applause helped her momentarily disconnect from her reality, but notes that this kind of recreation and compartmentalization can be “dangerous” and lead to disconnection from one’s true self. [11:48 - 14:32]

The Journey from Trauma to Healing

• Keeping Secrets and Their Toll
  • Viola talks about keeping secrets as a survival tool, not realizing the long-term erosion this causes. Owning and unpacking past pain, rather than storing it away, is crucial for genuine human connection. [14:53 - 15:59]
  • Quote: “What connects us is not just the joy, is not just the achievements. It's also the sadness... If I cannot share my pain ... then it's not real connection.” – Viola Davis [15:01]
• Relationship with Her Parents
  • Viola admits to harboring anger at her father during childhood, even wishing death upon him at his lowest point. She shares a poignant memory of one happy meal as a family, expressing how much she longed for normalcy. [16:09 - 17:36]
  • Quote: “I wanted the Brady Bunch, you know?” – Viola Davis [17:35]

Faith, Connection, and Defining "Getting Out"

• The Role of Faith
  • Viola credits faith—the belief in what cannot be seen—for helping her survive when she had “nothing else.” She compares her early life to humanity before language or psychology, relying on intuition for meaning. [19:46 - 20:07]
• Importance of Connection
  • She emphasizes how connections with people who “see you”—who recognize your pain and potential—are what sustain and carry us through life. [21:21]
  • Quote: “What you rely on are people who see you... They may carry you from Thursday to Friday, and then one person may carry you throughout your childhood.” – Viola Davis [21:19]
• Defining "Getting Out"
  • Viola warns against simple narratives of escape from trauma, distinguishing professional success ("drive") from emotional healing. She notes that while drive can propel you out of circumstances ("going to Juilliard"), emotional pain travels with you until reconciled. [24:04 - 26:38]
  • Quote: “Drive is different than growth and healing. Drive is habits... Now the getting out. Emotionally, getting out is totally different, which is why I wrote the book.” – Viola Davis [24:33]

Self-Love and Ownership

• Owning the Full Story
  • Inspired by Brene Brown, Viola says she chose to “own” her story so that it didn’t own her—and so others might feel less alone. [26:40 - 27:28]
  • Quote: “You either own your story or your story owns you. ... I want to love me, Hoda. I mean, at some point, you know, come on. ... I’m 56.” – Viola Davis [26:55]
• Knowing Your Worth: A Work in Progress
  • Viola admits her sense of worth is still evolving, but marked a turning point around age 28, furthered after meeting her husband. Only by “digging and sifting through all the shit” could she see her value was not defined by circumstances. [27:45 - 29:33]
  • Quote: “What happened to me didn’t devour value me.” – Viola Davis [28:20]

Life as a Relay Race

• Analogy of the Relay Race
  • Viola offers a moving analogy: each version of yourself at different ages runs their leg of life’s relay, passing the baton to the next. It’s an ongoing journey of both letting go and self-connection. [29:33 - 31:08]
  • Quote: “Each of those great runners is just you at a different age… That’s how life goes. That’s how you should see your dash of time. But man... it’s a whole relay race of you.” – Viola Davis [29:34]

Motherhood, Legacy, and Meaning

• Choosing Motherhood and Defining Legacy
  • Viola recalls initially not wanting marriage or children, finding meaning in independence. A conversation with actress Lorraine Toussaint shifts her perspective, as she realizes achievement alone is not “significance.” [33:07 - 34:29]
  • She is conscious not to impose her dreams on her daughter Genesis, but sees Genesis as her hope and meaning—a legacy not defined by career but by love. [34:47]
• Radical Forgiveness for Her Parents
  • Viola credits her parents—despite their flaws—for teaching her radical love, forgiveness, and transformation. She shares how her father changed before he died, continuously apologizing to her mother and encouraging his family’s healing. [35:57 - 37:42]
  • Quote: “What woke me up in my life was going through everything that I’ve been through. What I learned from a very young age is radical love, radical forgiveness, radical transformation in all of that and piss and joy. Those are the hardest lessons to learn in life.” – Viola Davis [35:57]

On Self-Acceptance and Finding “Me”

• Embracing All the Pieces
  • Viola closes by affirming that the cumulative pain, struggle, and triumph have chiseled her into who she is. She’s no longer ashamed and calls the source of old shame her “warrior fuel.” [38:29 - 39:05]
  • Quote (read by Hoda, from the memoir): “There is no out. Every painful memory, every mentor, every friend and foe, served as a chisel a leap pad that has shaped me... I’m no longer ashamed of me. I own everything that has ever happened to me. The parts that were the source of shame are actually my warrior fuel.” [39:05]
• Final Word: Has She Found Herself?
  • Viola joyfully responds that she has found her—embracing the child within, who is now celebrated and loved. [39:25]
  • Quote: “Little Viola is celebrating. She’s sitting right next to me and she’s happy that she’s finally being embraced.” – Viola Davis [39:25]

Notable Quotes

• On Vulnerability:
  “It’s like running naked in a crowded stadium. So it’s terrifying.” – Viola Davis [03:52]
• On Shame and Hunger:
  “The worst part of all of it is the deep, deep shame. Because how do you tell someone that you’re hungry?” – Viola Davis [04:52]
• On Racism and Worth:
  “It’s that fear of being black, what black meant in that… caste system we have of how you treat people based on perceived value and worth. And I was worthless. That’s what it told me.” – Viola Davis [08:05]
• On Secrets and Healing:
  “If I cannot share my pain with someone else… then it’s not real connection. But in order for me to share that… I have to unpack it. Because the power and the energy that it takes to store it erodes me.” – Viola Davis [15:21]
• On Self-Ownership:
  “You either own your story or your story owns you.” – Viola Davis [26:54]
• On Resilience:
  “Life is about connection, but it’s about you… each of those great runners is just you at a different age… it’s a whole relay race of you.” – Viola Davis [29:34]
• On Acceptance and Growth:
  “Every painful memory, every mentor, every friend and foe, served as a chisel a leap pad that has shaped me… I own everything that has ever happened to me. The parts that were the source of shame are actually my warrior fuel.” – Viola Davis (read by Hoda Kotb, quoting memoir) [39:05]

Key Timestamps

• [03:52] – Viola on the terror of releasing her deeply personal memoir
• [04:52] – The reality and shame of growing up hungry
• [07:40] – Experiencing daily bullying and racism as a child
• [10:11] – The trauma of witnessing domestic violence
• [11:48] – Finding emotional escape and the impact of compartmentalization
• [15:01] – The necessity of owning pain as part of self-connection
• [26:54] – Embracing and owning one’s story for self-love and healing
• [29:34] – Analogy of life as a relay race—passing the baton to each self
• [34:29] – Realizing achievements are not the same as meaning or legacy
• [35:57] – Learning radical love and forgiveness through her family’s struggles
• [39:05] – No longer being ashamed and making pain a source of strength
• [39:25] – Viola affirms she has found and embraced herself

Tone and Style

The conversation is deeply honest, vulnerable, and at times heartbreaking, but always hopeful and empowering. Viola’s storytelling is poetic and unflinching, while Hoda’s responses are empathetic, warm, and celebratory, creating a space for profound reflection and inspiration.

For listeners, this episode is a masterclass in resilience, healing, and the lifelong journey to self-love. Viola’s truth-telling not only honors her own story, but also extends a hand to anyone looking to find theirs.