Celebrity gossip lip-readers have changed the game. Because of them we know Timothée Chalamet hated the Oscars, King Charles says F and Prince William had no time for 'Andrew’s' apology. So is that ‘zero privacy’ development fair play? And what DID Timmy say to his sister about Kylie Jenner?

In other scurrilous gossip, we’re meant to think that Nicole Kidman has a new friends-to-lovers boyfriend, and that Keith Urban is 'reeling'. Hmmm.

Plus, peptides are the new cottage cheese, in demand from both older women and teenage boys. Except, unregulated, they can be rather more dangerous than a protein-heavy snack. So what the hell is a peptide, and how worried should we be about influencers spruiking them? (Hint: Very)

'Our' Queen Mary is touring Australia and once upon a time, that would have guaranteed tabloid mayhem. These days everything is… quieter. Is that because a midlife Queen is less enticing to the attention economy than the Carrie-esque lure of the princess fairytale?

Plus, Ethan Hawke has the best advice for those suffering from unrequited love. Yes, some ageing Gen X heartthrobs are still the real deal.

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