Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship
Episode #158: Making Friends When You're Older
Released: November 11, 2025
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Main Theme & Purpose
This episode dives into the challenges and misconceptions around making friends as an adult, particularly later in life. Matt and Aaron tackle listener questions, dispel myths about age as a barrier to friendship, and offer practical advice—with plenty of humor—on how to foster meaningful relationships at any stage. Drawing from their own decades-long friendship and the broader epidemic of social isolation, they emphasize that it's never too late for new, deep connections.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The "Buddy System" & Why Friendship Matters
[03:01 – 05:14]
- Matt and Aaron discuss the launch of their new Audible Original, The Buddy System, pitched as a roadmap to healthier friendships for all stages of life.
- Reiterate that even friendship "experts" can always grow:
"We call ourselves Apex Friends. I'm learning, I'm growing every day." —Matt [04:27]
- Emphasize scientific evidence:
"The number one indicator [of happiness and lifespan] is relationships, the health of your friendships." —Matt [04:23]
2. Myth-Busting: "It's Too Late" to Make Friends
[05:14 – 09:45]
- Many listeners express fear that they’re “too old” to build new friendships.
- The hosts compare aging out of certain pursuits (sports, awards) but stress that friendship isn’t one of them:
"It is too late for some things in life... but friendship is timeless." —Matt [06:43]
- Argue depth of friendship can be achieved quickly, regardless of when it begins:
"When you're 50 and you make a friend and you spend a consistent year with them, they feel like your best friend of your whole life." —Matt [07:57]
- Advocates for intentionality:
"Now you get to choose your friends. You get to choose." —Aaron [09:12]
Notable Exchange:
Aaron: "As I've always said, I would not choose Matt today because his personality is... he has a big personality. I don't like that in a friend. I like to dominate them." [09:18]
3. Real-Life Examples: Friendship at Any Age
[10:42 – 12:45]
- Anecdote about Aaron's parents, who rekindled a friendship in their 70s:
"Just the fact that my parents are 76. And they basically just made a new friend." —Aaron [11:42]
- Another case: Matt's mother making friends through an adult learning program, “Quest”.
4. Barriers to Adult Friendship & "Find Your Golf"
[12:46 – 13:23]
- They introduce their catchphrase "find your golf" for locating new passions or hobbies to meet people—doesn’t have to be golf!
- Main barriers are limiting beliefs:
- Feeling too old
- Assuming others don't want to be friends
- Life situations (married/divorced/single)—all surmountable
5. Listener Question: Rebuilding Friendships in Your 40s
[15:45 – 25:51]
Listener Email (Kira):
"I just turned 42 and most of my friendships have fizzled or become dead group texts. With work, kids, and busy life, I miss having real friends to grab a beer or talk to. How do you build friendships again at this age without feeling awkward or desperate?" [15:57]
Hosts’ Advice:
- Feeling awkward or desperate is just in your head:
"Making friends is not desperate. And nobody who you want to hang out with is going to think you're desperate." —Aaron [16:53]
- Stakes are lower than romantic relationships—if it doesn’t work, just move on.
- Use "built-in" social structures, like kids’ schools.
"Use those kids as pawns." —Aaron [18:01]
- Don't be afraid to move acquaintances outside their initial context ("take it out of the playground"):
"Step over that invisible barrier and you will open up a whole new world of friendship." —Matt [20:14]
- Suggest starting small—find a walking buddy, coffee pal, or someone for a specific hobby to fill “gaps” in your life.
6. Practical Steps to Making New Friends
[18:32 – 23:41]
- Identify acquaintances (e.g., neighbors, coworkers, other parents) who have potential to be friends.
- Initiate small exchanges—recommendations, quick chats, swapping numbers.
"All you're gonna do is you're gonna get some digis." —Aaron [19:11] (meaning, exchange digital contact info)
- Be proactive about planning:
"Take some initiative. Why isn't it on you to take it out of the group text?" —Matt [22:47]
- Friendship needn’t be “all or nothing”:
"If you're only in the market for a best friend, then that's not him." —Matt [22:24]
7. The Multiplicative Power of “Weak Ties”
[22:37 – 23:41]
- Making one new friend often introduces you to entire new circles.
- Hosts recommend leveraging friends-of-friends for broader connections.
8. Research & Anecdotes: Friendship = Longevity
[25:54 – 30:01]
- Citing a NYT piece, Aaron notes that "SuperAgers" (80+, high cognitive function) share one thing: strong, meaningful connections.
"Basically there is, there seems to be some sort of link between healthy older people and strong friendships." —Aaron [26:54]
- Reference the famous Harvard longitudinal study:
"The number one predictor of health, happiness and longevity is the strength of your relationships." —Aaron [27:00]
- Friendship provides dopamine boosts, encourages activity, and fosters mental engagement.
9. Concrete Advice for Older Listeners
[30:13 – 33:37]
- Proximity and routine matter:
“Do create your life as you get older...around making it easier to make friends.” —Matt [30:31]
- Join clubs, classes, adult education programs, or hobby groups in your neighborhood.
- Example: Aaron’s mom participates in a collaborative adult learning class; friend plays mahjong with a diverse group.
“If you have an interest, there's a place for you.” —Matt [33:30]
10. The Bottom Line
[34:00 – 35:07]
- Age is not a barrier—there is no deadline for new, meaningful friendships.
- Don’t be ashamed, embarrassed, or think it’s “too late”.
"You're not too old. You can make friends. Doesn't have to be all or nothing. Don't be ashamed, don't be embarrassed, don't feel awkward, because the person who you're going to be friends with is not going to judge you for it." —Matt [34:00]
Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)
- “We call ourselves Apex Friends. I'm learning, I'm growing every day.” —Matt [04:27]
- “As I've always said, I would not choose Matt today because his personality is... he has a big personality. I don't like that in a friend. I like to dominate them.” —Aaron [09:18]
- "Just the fact that my parents are 76. And they basically just made a new friend." —Aaron [11:42]
- “Making friends is not desperate. And nobody who you want to hang out with is going to think you're desperate.” —Aaron [16:53]
- "Step over that invisible barrier and you will open up a whole new world of friendship." —Matt [20:14]
- “All you're gonna do is you're gonna get some digis.” —Aaron [19:11]
- “It's not going to [fall into your lap] as you get older, it's really, really not going to. So if you want to avoid the loneliness epidemic, I suggest taking some of our advice." —Matt [23:03]
- "Basically there is, there seems to be some sort of link between healthy older people and strong friendships." —Aaron [26:54]
- "You're not too old. You can make friends. Doesn't have to be all or nothing. Don't be ashamed, don't be embarrassed, don't feel awkward, because the person who you're going to be friends with is not going to judge you for it." —Matt [34:00]
Memorable Moments & Light-Hearted Exchanges
- Jokes about missing out on “Forbes under 30” and “podcasters under 50” accolades. [06:23–06:41]
- Matt and Aaron riff on whether they could go back to school as adults, poking fun at their own ages. [31:00–32:08]
- Casual anecdotes: Aaron’s parents reunite with old friends via double dates; Matt’s basketball league as a template for regular adult socializing.
Timed Segment Guide
- [03:01 – 05:14]: Buddy System promo, foundations of friendship science
- [05:14 – 09:45]: Busting the “too old” excuse, intentionality in friendship
- [10:42 – 12:45]: Real-life parent and senior anecdotes
- [12:46 – 13:23]: "Find your golf"—hobbies as friendship makers
- [15:45 – 25:51]: Listener Q&A on making friends in your 40s
- [18:32 – 23:41]: Concrete steps and the “be the friend” mindset
- [25:54 – 30:01]: Research on friendship and longevity
- [30:13 – 33:37]: Clubs, adult ed, mahjong as examples for later-life connection
- [34:00 – 35:07]: Final summary and rallying cry: it's never too late
Final Takeaways
- Making friends when you're older is not only possible but can happen faster and be just as deep as childhood friendships.
- Don’t let awkwardness stop you—everyone appreciates outreach.
- Hobbies, classes, and social structures are great vehicles.
- Take initiative; be proactive.
- Strong adult friendships are linked to physical and cognitive health—even longevity.
Always remember: Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends.