#158 - Making Friends When You're Older

Summary

Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #158: Making Friends When You're Older
Released: November 11, 2025
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode dives into the challenges and misconceptions around making friends as an adult, particularly later in life. Matt and Aaron tackle listener questions, dispel myths about age as a barrier to friendship, and offer practical advice—with plenty of humor—on how to foster meaningful relationships at any stage. Drawing from their own decades-long friendship and the broader epidemic of social isolation, they emphasize that it's never too late for new, deep connections.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Buddy System" & Why Friendship Matters

[03:01 – 05:14]

• Matt and Aaron discuss the launch of their new Audible Original, The Buddy System, pitched as a roadmap to healthier friendships for all stages of life.
• Reiterate that even friendship "experts" can always grow:

  "We call ourselves Apex Friends. I'm learning, I'm growing every day." —Matt [04:27]

• Emphasize scientific evidence:

  "The number one indicator [of happiness and lifespan] is relationships, the health of your friendships." —Matt [04:23]

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2. Myth-Busting: "It's Too Late" to Make Friends

[05:14 – 09:45]

• Many listeners express fear that they’re “too old” to build new friendships.
• The hosts compare aging out of certain pursuits (sports, awards) but stress that friendship isn’t one of them:

  "It is too late for some things in life... but friendship is timeless." —Matt [06:43]

• Argue depth of friendship can be achieved quickly, regardless of when it begins:

  "When you're 50 and you make a friend and you spend a consistent year with them, they feel like your best friend of your whole life." —Matt [07:57]

• Advocates for intentionality:

  "Now you get to choose your friends. You get to choose." —Aaron [09:12]

Notable Exchange:
Aaron: "As I've always said, I would not choose Matt today because his personality is... he has a big personality. I don't like that in a friend. I like to dominate them." [09:18]

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3. Real-Life Examples: Friendship at Any Age

[10:42 – 12:45]

• Anecdote about Aaron's parents, who rekindled a friendship in their 70s:

  "Just the fact that my parents are 76. And they basically just made a new friend." —Aaron [11:42]

• Another case: Matt's mother making friends through an adult learning program, “Quest”.

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4. Barriers to Adult Friendship & "Find Your Golf"

[12:46 – 13:23]

• They introduce their catchphrase "find your golf" for locating new passions or hobbies to meet people—doesn’t have to be golf!
• Main barriers are limiting beliefs:
  • Feeling too old
  • Assuming others don't want to be friends
  • Life situations (married/divorced/single)—all surmountable

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5. Listener Question: Rebuilding Friendships in Your 40s

[15:45 – 25:51]

Listener Email (Kira):

"I just turned 42 and most of my friendships have fizzled or become dead group texts. With work, kids, and busy life, I miss having real friends to grab a beer or talk to. How do you build friendships again at this age without feeling awkward or desperate?" [15:57]

Hosts’ Advice:

• Feeling awkward or desperate is just in your head:

  "Making friends is not desperate. And nobody who you want to hang out with is going to think you're desperate." —Aaron [16:53]

• Stakes are lower than romantic relationships—if it doesn’t work, just move on.
• Use "built-in" social structures, like kids’ schools.

  "Use those kids as pawns." —Aaron [18:01]

• Don't be afraid to move acquaintances outside their initial context ("take it out of the playground"):

  "Step over that invisible barrier and you will open up a whole new world of friendship." —Matt [20:14]

• Suggest starting small—find a walking buddy, coffee pal, or someone for a specific hobby to fill “gaps” in your life.

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6. Practical Steps to Making New Friends

[18:32 – 23:41]

• Identify acquaintances (e.g., neighbors, coworkers, other parents) who have potential to be friends.
• Initiate small exchanges—recommendations, quick chats, swapping numbers.

  "All you're gonna do is you're gonna get some digis." —Aaron [19:11] (meaning, exchange digital contact info)

• Be proactive about planning:

  "Take some initiative. Why isn't it on you to take it out of the group text?" —Matt [22:47]

• Friendship needn’t be “all or nothing”:

  "If you're only in the market for a best friend, then that's not him." —Matt [22:24]

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7. The Multiplicative Power of “Weak Ties”

[22:37 – 23:41]

• Making one new friend often introduces you to entire new circles.
• Hosts recommend leveraging friends-of-friends for broader connections.

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8. Research & Anecdotes: Friendship = Longevity

[25:54 – 30:01]

• Citing a NYT piece, Aaron notes that "SuperAgers" (80+, high cognitive function) share one thing: strong, meaningful connections.

  "Basically there is, there seems to be some sort of link between healthy older people and strong friendships." —Aaron [26:54]

• Reference the famous Harvard longitudinal study:

  "The number one predictor of health, happiness and longevity is the strength of your relationships." —Aaron [27:00]

• Friendship provides dopamine boosts, encourages activity, and fosters mental engagement.

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9. Concrete Advice for Older Listeners

[30:13 – 33:37]

• Proximity and routine matter:

  “Do create your life as you get older...around making it easier to make friends.” —Matt [30:31]

• Join clubs, classes, adult education programs, or hobby groups in your neighborhood.
• Example: Aaron’s mom participates in a collaborative adult learning class; friend plays mahjong with a diverse group.

  “If you have an interest, there's a place for you.” —Matt [33:30]

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10. The Bottom Line

[34:00 – 35:07]

• Age is not a barrier—there is no deadline for new, meaningful friendships.
• Don’t be ashamed, embarrassed, or think it’s “too late”.

  "You're not too old. You can make friends. Doesn't have to be all or nothing. Don't be ashamed, don't be embarrassed, don't feel awkward, because the person who you're going to be friends with is not going to judge you for it." —Matt [34:00]

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “We call ourselves Apex Friends. I'm learning, I'm growing every day.” —Matt [04:27]
• “As I've always said, I would not choose Matt today because his personality is... he has a big personality. I don't like that in a friend. I like to dominate them.” —Aaron [09:18]
• "Just the fact that my parents are 76. And they basically just made a new friend." —Aaron [11:42]
• “Making friends is not desperate. And nobody who you want to hang out with is going to think you're desperate.” —Aaron [16:53]
• "Step over that invisible barrier and you will open up a whole new world of friendship." —Matt [20:14]
• “All you're gonna do is you're gonna get some digis.” —Aaron [19:11]
• “It's not going to [fall into your lap] as you get older, it's really, really not going to. So if you want to avoid the loneliness epidemic, I suggest taking some of our advice." —Matt [23:03]
• "Basically there is, there seems to be some sort of link between healthy older people and strong friendships." —Aaron [26:54]
• "You're not too old. You can make friends. Doesn't have to be all or nothing. Don't be ashamed, don't be embarrassed, don't feel awkward, because the person who you're going to be friends with is not going to judge you for it." —Matt [34:00]

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Memorable Moments & Light-Hearted Exchanges

• Jokes about missing out on “Forbes under 30” and “podcasters under 50” accolades. [06:23–06:41]
• Matt and Aaron riff on whether they could go back to school as adults, poking fun at their own ages. [31:00–32:08]
• Casual anecdotes: Aaron’s parents reunite with old friends via double dates; Matt’s basketball league as a template for regular adult socializing.

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Timed Segment Guide

• [03:01 – 05:14]: Buddy System promo, foundations of friendship science
• [05:14 – 09:45]: Busting the “too old” excuse, intentionality in friendship
• [10:42 – 12:45]: Real-life parent and senior anecdotes
• [12:46 – 13:23]: "Find your golf"—hobbies as friendship makers
• [15:45 – 25:51]: Listener Q&A on making friends in your 40s
• [18:32 – 23:41]: Concrete steps and the “be the friend” mindset
• [25:54 – 30:01]: Research on friendship and longevity
• [30:13 – 33:37]: Clubs, adult ed, mahjong as examples for later-life connection
• [34:00 – 35:07]: Final summary and rallying cry: it's never too late

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Final Takeaways

• Making friends when you're older is not only possible but can happen faster and be just as deep as childhood friendships.
• Don’t let awkwardness stop you—everyone appreciates outreach.
• Hobbies, classes, and social structures are great vehicles.
• Take initiative; be proactive.
• Strong adult friendships are linked to physical and cognitive health—even longevity.

Always remember: Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends.

Transcript

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[Matt Ritter]

Man of the Year man of the Year man of the year. Welcome to the number one friendship host podcast in the country. I'm Matt Ritter.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm Aaron Caro.

[Matt Ritter]

Guys, we are so excited about all the buzz and all of you who have already listened to our new audio original, the Buddy System. We created a roadmap to healthy friendship. Whether you're starting from scratch and you feel like you have no friends at all or you've had friends your whole life and you kind of let them wither on the vine and you don't have to reconnect, it's all there for you. So if you go to audible.com thebuddy system, if you're an audible member, it's free, it's just a credit. And if you're not audible member, it's a free trial. So win, win either way. Okay. I'm super excited about the reaction, the feedback. How are you feeling about it?

[Aaron Caro]

I feel great. It feels like all our hard work paid off. Be in the studio, you and I just locked in a little stuff, soundproof booth for a week.

[Matt Ritter]

Nothing. Caro wanted to do less.

[Aaron Caro]

I know it was, it was my worst nightmare. But you know, as we've said before, it was, I feel like it captures the vade, vade vivra of our relationship. You know, it's funny, it's not your typical self help book. It's funny, talks about our backstory like the, the, the, the tradition, the origin of the man of the year trophy dinner. And I think, I think people, people are loving it and people are going to continue to love.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. And if you're, you know, one of those people that are here, if you're listening to our pod, you're already here because you know you have. Look, we all could be better at friendship no matter how good you are at it. We call ourselves Apex Friends. I'm learning, I'm growing every day. It's really just about making it, you know, part of your everyday life. Just making sure friendship is part of it. I mean, we know from the longest study in history on lifespan and happiness that the number one indicator is relationships, the health of your friendships. So we're glad you're here, we're grateful you're here and we're grateful to all those who have listened and we'd love for you all to check it out. It's audible.com thebuddy system.

[Aaron Caro]

Matt, you, you were basically doing a segue into our topic within the plug.

[Matt Ritter]

The segue within the plug. Look, we get a lot of listeners basically, I'd say, I don't know 30% of our questions or comments are just like, I'm too old, I can't do it. I don't want to do it. This is too hard. Like, am I doomed to just, you know, not have any more friends because I'm 40 or I'm 50 or I'm 70 and my friends passed away and I just. It just is what it is. I'm stuck. And we wanted to do an episode about making friends as you get older, when you're older. Because we always talk about, on this pod, it's never too late. And we're not just saying that. It's not just some cliche because it is too late for some things in life. It is too late to, you know, become a scratch golfer potentially. Right. I don't know. I'm just saying some of these things, like physic, you're physically. Like, it is too late to, to run a, you know, five minute mile or whatever you could possibly do when you were younger. I don't know. I'm just saying there's certain things that there are limitations on, right? There are physical things, right?

[Aaron Caro]

Like, listen, it's too late for us to make Forbes under 30.

[Matt Ritter]

Damn it. I was gonna lie about my age and get us under 40.

[Aaron Caro]

We can't even. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we. There's no podcasters under 50 award.

[Matt Ritter]

40 over 40.

[Aaron Caro]

40 over 40.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

So I mean, look, my point was.

[Matt Ritter]

Yes, there's things that life, you know, goes on and you close some doors and you open other doors in life, and that's what life is. And so, yes, there are things that you, you know, age out of. And that's what it is. Like, we can't play teenagers on a CW show anymore because CW has been bought out by a company that I think only plays, like, I have no idea what they play. Reality. Fear Factory runs. But there are. The friendship is, is timeless. And as you get older, I, you get wiser and I think you get better at just more discerning at making friends. It should be actually, on some levels, easier. What do you think?

[Aaron Caro]

Well, I just want to add to what you're saying about people writing to us and being like, well, it's too, it's too late for me to make a new friend. I'm too old for A corollary to that is because we're very privileged and fortunate. We've been friends for 39 years. People always say, well, how I'm never gonna have what you and Matt have because I, I don't have a friend. From second grade. And we always say, well, you can. You can make a lifelong friend today. You can make a day one friends if today is the first day. You know, if you were 50 and you make a friend today, you could know them for 39 years.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. And I'll add to that. You don't need that length of time as you get older for the depth. You know, when you're 50 and you make a friend and you spend a consistent year with them, they feel like your best friend of your whole life. You're 70 and you're going to, like, you know, lunch every day or coffee every day with the same person for three months. That's like the equivalent of five years of friendship in your early years.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, let's be honest, Matt. Our friendship from second grade through college. Pointless, right?

[Matt Ritter]

Exactly. Exactly. So I'm saying, like, the meat, the, like, all the good stuff can happen when you're an adult. Can happen so much quicker. And so this idea that it's too late, it's like you're writing off all of your potential best friends ever in your life that you could ever have made from now till the rest of your life. They could all be made now also.

[Aaron Caro]

And we've talked about this. Why do we have this group of friends from elementary and middle school that make up the man of the year crew by default?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Because they were standing there.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, they were there. Happen to be there. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Now. Yeah, now you get to.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. You get to choose. You get to choose your. Choose.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. To choose your friends.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

And as I've always said. Yeah, sorry, Matt. As I've always said, I would not choose Matt today because his personality is. He has a big personality. I don't like that in a friend. I like to dominate them. But I don't know, I think there's something really, like, beautiful. I keep saying beautiful. Beautiful about making a friend. And by the way, I mean, should we say our age?

[Matt Ritter]

46.

[Aaron Caro]

Wow. Seems like a huge number. I actually thought we were 47. I forgot about that.

[Matt Ritter]

No, but it's a great look. I think it's a great age because we already are who we are. That, that's, you know, we are, we are. And we know what we like, we know what we don't like, and we know what our values are. And look, I feel like I've always been partially, like, just as comedians, whatever, personality stuff, trying to impress people. I feel there's a lot less of that in my life. I, you know, I want to take care of my family. And you know, I want their respect and that's who I care about and my, you know, my close friends and that's it. And so, you know, when I meet people, if I'm going to become friends with them, you know, there's a lot of thought going into that. Right. So it's like, but if I find somebody that I like that could be a friend, I'm like, oh, this is great for me. This is going to be great for me. Again, you don't need that much. You don't need that. You don't need like hundreds of hours either. I don't think you do, Matt.

[Aaron Caro]

I don't think I told you this. This is a great anecdote you're gonna love. So you know our friend Danielle, who we, who we grew up with?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, of course.

[Aaron Caro]

She lived around the corner from me. She was either my first or second friend I've ever had in my life. There's a picture of us as like one month, one month old together.

[Matt Ritter]

Wow. Wow.

[Aaron Caro]

And, and we're still friends, but my parents were friends with her parents. They lived around the corner and we had the kids the same age and they shifted apart over the decades and they occasionally would see each other walking around the block and my mom's like, you know, I wanna, I wanna see that. I want to hang out with again. So when they saw them, they got their number and they texted and they went on a double date and now they've been on several double dates and now they're friends again.

[Matt Ritter]

Wow, that's amazing. That's amazing. That's awesome.

[Aaron Caro]

40 years later. But just, just the fact that my friends, my parents are 70.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Six. And they basically just made a new friend.

[Matt Ritter]

It's great. Listen, my mom goes to Quest. I think I mentioned this. It's like this adult school education school where they kind of teach each other lessons and, and she's made several friends from it. It's three days a week. So it's very consistent. It's very regular. I mean, obviously we always talk about finding your third place, having a consistent place to go to with like minded people doing something you like, especially when you're older, you know, you know what you like. Right. So do the thing you like, you know, find people who are interested in that thing. There's people all over the country making insane friend, you know, connections through pickleball these days. That's one. But there's a million other ones. But everybody already knows this. I was going to say people already know that there are. Here's my issue. Right. And this is what I want to tackle. We everybody who's listening, they already know that there's a lot of people out there playing pickleball and making friends in their 60s. So what is it that's stopping them from going, I'm going to go, you know, find my golf on my pickleball.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. And we, and we should say find my golf. Find your golf is our catchphrase for finding a thing that you're passionate about doesn't have to be golf. Well, there's a lot of limiting beliefs that we have and we just discussed them, that I'm too old to make new friends. And also people don't want to be friends with me or people don't want outreach as we've already debunked people like when you reach out to them, people like making new friends. You know, we've also talked about, listen, you could be in a different life situation. You're divorced, married, single, and the other person is not the same. Those are easily overcome.

[Matt Ritter]

Should we get into the listener question? Because I feel it's gonna touch on a lot of this.

[Aaron Caro]

We'll be right back.

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[Matt Ritter]

Table with the view.

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[Aaron Caro]

Okay guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram at Man of the Year podcast and we will answer it on the show. Matt, take it away.

[Matt Ritter]

Kira, you're gonna love this. Matt and Kara, I just turned 42 and honestly, most of my friendships have either fizzled out or turned into group texts where nobody hangs out. I work a ton, I've got two kids. My social life is basically birthday parties and carpools. I miss having actual friends and grab a beer with or call when something big happens. How do we even start building friendships again at this age without feeling awkward or desperate?

[Aaron Caro]

And this question comes from a rat mitter.

[Matt Ritter]

42. I wish.

[Aaron Caro]

You look, you look actually, you look 32.

[Matt Ritter]

Very nice.

[Aaron Caro]

Can you just, can you repeat the last sentence?

[Matt Ritter]

How do I make building real friendships again at this age? How do I build them without it feeling awkward or desperate? So that's the croc. I think that that was what I was going to get to with you is I think a lot of our listeners know they can do it. It's this awkward or desperate thing that gets in their way.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I mean this is the age old question of putting yourself out there, which is both friendship, romantic relationships, I mean, the desperation of it all. I would just say that's irrelevant. I mean that's making friends is not desperate. And nobody who you want to hang out with is going to think you're desperate. That's just a thing you've made up in your head.

[Matt Ritter]

And I'll add to that that I acknowledge that it does feel awkward and it does feel. But we talked about this and I don't remember if we put in the audible or not. You're not looking for the one, you're looking for a one. So I understand. You know, you go on a date with a romantic partner, it feels awkward. There's. If it doesn't work out, you feel rejected, dejected, low self esteem stuff. You know, I'm just describing Kira's recent dating history. But for a friend, if they just aren't into you, like, okay, no big deal, just move on to the next.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. And, and right. The stakes are lower than a romantic relationship. I mean, I also think this writer has the, the person who wrote in has kids. I mean, use those kids as pawns.

[Matt Ritter]

That's what I did. It's what I do every single day of my life.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I mean you, you've got. We always talk about how school, when we were in school ourselves, that's a built in friend making machine. But now your kids are in school.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, but I like what you said about the awkward thing. It's like the people who judge you, they're not meant to be your friend. The slight shamelessness of it, you know, of like putting yourself out there. The people who appreciate it, those are the ones that you should double down on. Those are going to be the ones who you're going to want to be friends with. Right.

[Aaron Caro]

Should we do a Lou. Haven't done this in a little while. Talk about a couple of actual concrete steps. Like.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay. Yes, yes.

[Aaron Caro]

One of the things we talk about in the audible original is first of all, you're identifying people you already know that aren't friends. So this could be your kids friends. This could be, sorry, your kids, parents, neighbors, co workers, people. We, I think we define it at French friend as someone who you know their name and they know your name, but you're not like homies.

[Matt Ritter]

Plus you have good feelings about them. So you're starting with this. I have this sense this person could be my friend.

[Aaron Caro]

Exactly. If you hate the person, don't try to become friends with it. And all you're gonna do is you're gonna get some digis. Get some diggies. I think we say in the, in the, in the audible original, which is making a recommendation or asking for a recommendation or sending pictures or getting pictures. You know, something like that. Like you, you're, you're, you're, you're starting a conversation. And again and again you're like, oh, do you have any recommendations for X? Or I have some advice for you. And Then you exchange numbers.

[Matt Ritter]

Yep, that's great. Here's another one. Take it out of the place that you keep seeing them. So if it's just school pickup or it's just the playground, be like, this is great, man. I love hanging out. Let's. Let's go do this at a, you know, let's go get a. Let's go get a drink at a bar one time, you know, or let's just. You want to go catch a game sometime? Just something so that it's not just continuously like that. We both accept we will only see each other when this thing happens.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. It's sort of the invisible barrier I think we talk about.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

In the audible original of like, well, they're carpool friends. So they're just carpool friends.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm like, who says step over that invisible barrier and you will open up a whole new world of friendship.

[Aaron Caro]

You kind of just sounded like, come with me to a land, you know, But I also just think that again, you know, it's a case by case basis. The person that you are making outreach to, like, just get, you need to get out of your head that they don't want you. They don't want. Everyone loves new friends, you know, can.

[Matt Ritter]

We, can we talk about this? And I've. This is one of the things I've maintained since we started this pod three years ago that as you get older, you don't even necessarily need these people to be the perfect friend. You have gaps. Maybe you may just have gaps in your life. Right. A lot of my parent friends, they're very busy. They may not have time to add a new best friend into their life, but they may really need a walking buddy. They may really need somebody to just grab an early morning coffee with. They may really need somebody who's just down to go see 90s rock bands. Anybody.

[Aaron Caro]

Matt loves a low key hang. Matt maybe needs someone to go to Target with or wherever, whatever he does. Like, what does the K row need?

[Matt Ritter]

What does Karo.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, what do I need? I mean, listen, I don't have a lot of gaps right now.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. I know, but if you did, what's one of your. I don't really either, but I'm just proposing these as gaps.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, that's what's interesting is that friends will come along if, if someone, you know, tickles you or tickles you in certain way. It doesn't really matter, you know?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

If you, if you, if they amuse you or they're fun, you know, like.

[Matt Ritter]

You make room for Them, Right, right. And that, that's the thing, right?

[Aaron Caro]

It's your.

[Matt Ritter]

It's your circle of life that you could fit in or not fit in, whoever you want to fit into your circle. Right. It's. This is whatever you need. But I do think, you know, a lot of people are like, it's all or nothing. It's like, ah, I don't know, kind of like this guy. He's fun, but I don't know that he's gonna be my best friend. Okay, then great, then he's not going to be your best friend. If you're only in the market for a best friend, then that's not him.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. Because the beauty of it, you know, the great thing about knowing people is those people know other people.

[Matt Ritter]

Totally.

[Aaron Caro]

So you make a friend that. That friend knows other people. Maybe you meet one of those friends.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, we. We didn't talk about that as, you know, one of the ways, you know, to make friends older in life, it's like, well, if you already have, you could. Look, you can. There's a couple of things you can connect with. You know, this. This listener who was like, hey, I have, you know, most of my friendships are just group text, but nobody hangs out like, okay, so take some initiative. Why, you know, why isn't it on you to take it out of the group text? It's as much on you as it is anybody else on that chain to take it out. Right. We always say be the friend is, you know, one of our number one piece of advice. So. So everybody seems to be waiting around for friendship to fall into their lap. It's not going to as you get older, it's really, really not going to. So if you want to avoid the loneliness epidemic, I suggest taking some of our advice. This isn't reinventing the wheel here, but it is taking a little bit of initiative.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, exactly. I mean, it actually sounds like this question asker has a lot of potential. I mean, if you're on a group chat with people, it's all about just not being a little bit more proactive. Instead of just waiting to be invited to things, there's no reason why you can't be doing the inviting. Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

And look, you know, again, it goes back to like, what are you doing in terms of your efforts and energy outside of, okay, so you have a wife, two kids, so do I. You could definitely just accept you don't have time for friends in that rubric, which is maybe what a lot of his friends are like, all right, I got my wife, I got My kids, blah, blah. But I'm still level. Those guys are probably also, you know, not super happy with, you know, their day to day. There's, there's going to be moments where their wife's away or the kids are at school and like, they're lonely and they don't have people to do the things they used to do with, you know, that's why I started a basketball league. I wanted to have some sort of physical activity with other, other men, you know, once a week. And it's just a consistent thing. And we don't always hang out after. Every once in a while we do, but it just fills that check mark in my, oh, something's missing. You know, this guy said, I just want to have the thing he wants is so available to you. That's the amazing thing about friendship, right? All the things that most of our listeners are asking for that they don't have are super attainable. This isn't a podcast where it's like, oh, I want to become a billionaire. I've got 27 in the bank. You know, like, you're right. It's right there for you. So, you know, for our listener, I just want, I just want you to realize, like, it's right there. You can take your existing friends. You can take what Car just said friends of friends. If, if the immediate group of friends is not available or they're not making themselves available and you like some of their other friends that, you know, go through your phone.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah. And it's not, it's. You're not desperate and maybe it's awkward, but the other end of that tunnel, you have a new friend. So I think it's worth it.

[Matt Ritter]

I think we answered it. Didn't you have. Do you have an article you wanted to share with me?

[Aaron Caro]

There was yes, guys that was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram and we'll answer on the show. So, yeah, there was this great New York Times article called the one quality most Super Agers Share. And the basic gist was that. And now we're talking about, you know, much older superagers are older adults, 80 plus, whose memory performance is comparable to people 20 to 30 years younger. And despite varied lifestyles like diet, exercise and stress, the one trait that all of these superagers shared was strong, meaningful connections. They maintain distinctive neurobiological features like brain thickness, higher density of neurons. And, you know, they go on to say it's not sure if it's causation or correlation. But basically there is, there seems to be some sort of link between healthy older people and strong friendships.

[Matt Ritter]

Obviously, I love to hear this and this, everything we're saying.

[Aaron Caro]

Yes, and this dovetails, Matt. I'm not sure if you named it specifically, but Matt was, was referencing the Harvard Longitudinal, the Harvard logitudinal study which showed that the number one predictor of health, happiness and longevity is the strength of your relationships. I mean, it does make sense. I mean, when you're with people, it makes you feel good and when you're having conversations and you're, you know, feeling challenged, it builds your, you know, it builds your, your brain. I mean, it's kind of like when we are working on something, you know, tough and, and sophisticated. Makes you, makes you stronger, makes your build, your builds, build you up.

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, I definitely want to think first and foremost, the dopamine hits, you're getting from it. The natural dopamine that's going through your brain. That's great. But I wanna, I wanna believe too that yeah, you're forming new neurons. You're, you're thinking, but you're also remembering things. You're having like shared memories.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

With. There's so much stuff that goes on in your mind when you're with your friends.

[Aaron Caro]

I also think, yeah, you're probably more physically active when you've got buddies to do stuff with.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I, I always think of the Hollywood guys like the Carl Reiner, Mel, Mel Brooks friendship I always see, every time I see, you know, the super, super old Hollywood legends does seem that they always have like other super old buddies they're hanging out with.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, Norman Lear.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, it's, it's crazy too. I mean, like, I can't even imagine still working at their, you know, age, but like, you know, it's, it's a tough business. So if you're still doing it in your 80s, you know, and you.

[Matt Ritter]

Norman Learman Lear was doing it, what, till 99? 100? I don't know.

[Aaron Caro]

I think he was in his hundreds. He got an overall deal at 100.

[Matt Ritter]

An overall deal at 100. That's it. So amazing.

[Aaron Caro]

But I think it just goes to show like the importance of what we're talking about because, Matt, we get listeners of all ages who are like, well, I don't need friends. Especially guys, I don't need friends. I got my wife, you know, whatever. I'll see them whenever. But like, it's actually going to save your life.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Sometimes I'm just like, sometimes you're just so tempted to be like, you're wrong. Yeah, you know, just like you're wrong. No, you're wrong. You know, we do it with empathy and kindness and we explain it to them sometimes it's just, we get that over and over where people like, I don't need it. Nah, I don't need friends. Like now you're, you're just wrong. You do.

[Aaron Caro]

Listen, I will say, because I'm a little bit more of a homebody than you are, there are times when I'm like, I'm good, you know, I don't need to do anything this weekend or do anything this week. But then when I do go see someone, even for an hour, you do get a real boost.

[Matt Ritter]

You rarely ever hear somebody go, yeah, I never need friends. And then they go out and see their friends. They go, yeah, I was right. I don't need friends.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. You rarely go out with a friend and then afterwards go, I regret that.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I think people need to think about that more. It's like, what. How did you feel when you just remember that feeling when you actually went out and hung out with somebody?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah. But you know, again, it's, it's, it's as we get older, we have all these mechanisms that when we were growing up, school and, and work and, you know, living in a dorm, all that stuff where you just make friends automatically. It's. It, you know, it's tough.

[Matt Ritter]

They should go, go live in a dorm, Go live in one of those senior places. I still, I do maintain proximity is a huge boost and a huge key. And so I'm very much a fan of like, do create your life as you get older. Do create your life around making it easier to make friends, making it easier to see people on a regular basis. Like, do join some sort of club that is near your house that you can get to on a regular basis.

[Aaron Caro]

Matt, should we just get graduate degrees.

[Matt Ritter]

In what? Just to go to school?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Psychology.

[Aaron Caro]

No, maybe that. I don't know. Just get, just go to get MBAs, go to Arizona State. I don't know.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm gonna, I'm gonna broach this with Jess.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, there's also one year program.

[Matt Ritter]

No, I can get. I think I probably get a passport. A one year, one year night school program.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, there are no. Night school is not going to be.

[Matt Ritter]

As fun nights and weekends.

[Aaron Caro]

There are executive education, executive MBAs and stuff like that.

[Matt Ritter]

Will you look into it at least? I feel like we could just, just check it out.

[Aaron Caro]

I wonder if that part of our brain still works.

[Matt Ritter]

No, like I don't. I mean, first of all, I don't even think it works for people that are that age anymore.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. But we were pretty. We were pretty good at school.

[Matt Ritter]

No, I know we were, but I'm just. I just think we're so far removed. Like, I know you took an SAT test or something, like, 20 years ago, but you think you do okay now?

[Aaron Caro]

Well, that's a little different than sitting in a classroom and, like, listening to a lecture.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I think you could get back into it pretty quickly.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. I don't know. Well, as I said, my mom's in this adult education class, but they're not grading people. You know, there's not. It's not for.

[Aaron Caro]

So what is she. So is she teaching?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, so everybody learns something. Like, she'll teach about Walt Whitman or something.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, so she. She learns and then she teaches.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. That's what's great about it. You get. You have a responsibility to the class.

[Aaron Caro]

How many people are in it?

[Matt Ritter]

Hundreds.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, it's online?

[Matt Ritter]

No, no, in person. It's in New York. I. I don't know how many are in each classroom, but there's hundreds of people that go to the. This Place quest.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's.

[Matt Ritter]

That's.

[Aaron Caro]

That's great. I mean, your mom's a real Renaissance woman.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, but anybody could. I'm saying, like, that's open. That's available to people. Like, there's just so much available to you at any age to make friends. Our friend Bombay Claire just said she's playing mahjong.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, but with old people.

[Matt Ritter]

People of all ages.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, she.

[Matt Ritter]

She.

[Aaron Caro]

I didn't.

[Matt Ritter]

I didn't.

[Aaron Caro]

She was going to mahjong? Like, place.

[Matt Ritter]

No. To people's houses in la.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh. Oh, with. With a mixed. Mixed age group.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Yeah. I think she said there were 30 people that came to the last one.

[Aaron Caro]

Wow. Okay. So this is. Yeah. So this is like some sort of organization.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. You know, I'm just saying there's. There's all these things you don't even thinking about. Right. If you have an interest, there's a place for you.

[Aaron Caro]

You ever play mahjong?

[Matt Ritter]

No. She was telling me they. Every year they change.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

The cards. That's.

[Aaron Caro]

The tiles, I think. Yeah. I wrote a script that there was a mahjong scene in it, so I had my mom teach it to me. Because she plays. I mean, teach it to me. It's impossible to learn. I mean, it doesn't. It's.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. No.

[Aaron Caro]

Think about going. Going to grad school. I mean mahjan.

[Matt Ritter]

No, not gonna happen. Okay, so I think in summary, you're not too old. You can make friends. Doesn't have to be all or nothing. Don't be ashamed, don't be embarrassed, don't feel awkward, because the person who you're going to be friends with is not going to judge you for it.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, and this, by the way, this applies. We. We were kind of all over the place with our. With our age bracket. I mean, this is from 40s on 200, you know, into the hundreds, like Norman Lear. Get an overall deal. I can't get an overall deal.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, I'm so jealous. You made me so angry that whole. Now that's all I can think about. And my agent was like, sorry, they can't. They gave Norman another overall. There's no money. Oh, God.

[Aaron Caro]

And then we'll just mention one more time, guys, check out our audible [e-mail] the buddy system. And you could grab our merch at man of the Year podcast. All right, guys. And. And please let us know. Hit us up on Instagram. Let us know about your friendship making in. In your older age. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends.

[Matt Ritter]

Love you, buddy.

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