Podcast Summary: Man of the Year #159 – Finding Fringe Friends

Podcast: Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Episode: #159 – Finding Fringe Friends
Date: November 18, 2025
Theme: How to Identify, Approach, and Level Up "Fringe Friends"—the acquaintances who could become real friends

Episode Overview

In this episode, Matt and Aaron tackle one of the most common listener challenges: how to make new friends without starting from scratch. Rather than expecting listeners to cold-approach total strangers, they turn the spotlight on "fringe friends"—those acquaintances who already exist on the edge of your social circle but haven’t yet become close friends. With their usual mix of wit, debate, and practical tips, the duo breaks down who qualifies as a fringe friend, how to convert them into fuller friendships, and why these “warm leads” are the shortcut in the friendship game.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining "Fringe Friends" (02:17–07:13)

• The hosts debate the parameters of a “fringe friend."

  • Matt: Sees a fringe friend as someone you have substantive conversations with—more than just “hi/bye,” but not someone you’ve hung out with one-on-one.

    “To me, fringe friend is somebody that you had some substantive condos...they don't have to be a friend necessarily yet.” (04:31)

  • Aaron: Pushes for a broader definition—even someone at the gym whose name you know but with whom you’ve never hung out. Lists examples straight from their Audible original:

    “A coworker you like, a guy you work out with at the gym, a classmate you trade notes with, a guy you only see at mutual friends’ birthday parties, a fellow parent you chat with at school drop-off, your neighbor you say hi to while taking out the trash or mowing the lawn.” (05:09)

• Consensus: A fringe friend is anyone in your orbit whose name you know, you interact with occasionally, but you've never socialized one-on-one.

2. Why We Don’t Level Up Fringe Friends (07:40–11:18)

• Barriers identified: Awkwardness, fear of rejection, invisible social boundaries (e.g., "We only ever talk at the gym").

• Matt:

  “We set up all these invisible social boundaries… There is no rule that says it has to end there.” (07:40)

• Aaron:

  “Way less weird than talking to a stranger.” (11:14)

• Both agree it’s easier and less risky to deepen an existing acquaintance than to approach someone totally new.

3. Practical Tips: How to Level Up a Fringe Friend (09:10–32:33)

A. Make a List of Your Fringe Friends (10:03)

• Homework: List out all your fringe friends—neighbors, coworkers, that guy from the gym—to identify good candidates.

B. Take Action, Don’t Wait (17:00–18:28)

• Aaron:

  “Be the friend. Right, guys, you’re not gonna wait for this guy to invite you to something, and you are going to invite him…” (17:53)

  • Don’t expect them to make the first move. You have to put yourself out there.

C. Get Their Number & Make a Specific Plan (18:28–21:07)

• When you see them next, don’t let the moment pass—get their number, suggest a casual activity, and put something on the calendar.
• Matt:

  “Your goal should be to anchor it to something that you know they're into.” (18:59)

  • But don’t fake interest in something you hate ("If he plays golf and you don’t play golf, you're not gonna say...").

D. The “Small Group Approach” (19:32–20:30)

• Intermediate step: Instead of going straight to a one-on-one, invite them to join a small group activity with a mutual friend for comfort:

  “Is there a move of making the group smaller and smaller before we just get to the one-on-one hang?... Me and so-and-so are going on a hike, you said you’re into that – why don’t you come along?” (19:27)

E. Investigative Moves: Social Media & Small Talk (21:14–25:01)

• Follow them on social media to learn more about their interests or use as an initial soft connection.
• When in conversation, use cues or direct questions to discover shared interests: "Are you a concert guy? A whiskey guy?" (24:03)
• Compliments are always a good way in:

  “Like, you know, I like a column, you know, dude, you look, you're like, how about, what's your workout?” (25:32)

F. Lower the Barrier with Low-Stakes Invites (28:53–29:41)

• Keep the invite easy, specific, and time-limited (grab a 10-minute coffee, not an all-day plan).

  “I'm gonna go grab a coffee before I hit the office. Do you have 10 minutes?” (29:20)

4. Listener Q&A: Turning an “Almost Friend” into a Real Friend (16:29–27:36)

• Listener asks: “How do I hang out with a ‘party friend’ one-on-one without it feeling awkward?”
• Hosts Stress:
  • Get their number if you don’t already have it.
  • Don’t wait for invites—proactively suggest something based on their known interests.
  • Use mutual friends to help facilitate a smaller hang if jumping to one-on-one feels too abrupt.
  • If you don’t hit it off, accept it’s sometimes just not meant to become a full friendship.

Notable Quote:

“We want to convert a vibe into hanging out… now you’re stuck in this, ‘Hey, this feels fun every time you see this person.’ We all have these friends that we've never converted. Some of them maybe are just never meant to be converted.” (27:11)

5. Reframing Mindsets: You Have "Cheat Codes" (09:10–32:19)

• Most people think they have to start at “level zero” with a stranger. Matt and Aaron argue you’re already on “level two or three” with fringe friends, making friend-making much easier.
  • Matt:

    "Use our cheat codes. You’re not starting at level zero. Start at level two or three or five." (32:11)

• The goal: move them from “fringe friend” to “binge friend”—someone you hang out with regularly and count as a real friend.

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Matt botching the Audible URL:
  Leads to a playful riff about backslashes, coding, and childhood influences.

  “Backslash has always been in my mind most days." (01:48)

• Aaron’s Instagram “culling” ritual:

  "I did my annual—I generated a list—of who I follow on Instagram who doesn't follow me back. I culled. I culled." (21:47)

• Banter about earwax, pimple popping, and ENT visits:
  Provides comic relief and tangential bonding over odd hygiene habits.

  “They do it with a...like a suction? Yeah, they’re like, 'Oh, I’m surprised. You’ve been, like, basically deaf for the past six months.'” (12:45)

• “DTF: Down To Friend” and “OTF: Open To Friendship.” (09:10, 27:36)
• Cult classic reference:
  Matt: “It’s like that movie They Live, right. Where Roddy Roddy Piper puts on the special sunglasses and he can see that everybody’s an alien.” (30:21)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Defining Fringe Friends: 02:17–07:13
• Why We Don’t Level Up Fringe Friends: 07:40–11:18
• How to Make the Move: 09:10–32:33
  • Homework: List your fringe friends (10:03)
  • Making the first move advice (17:00–18:28)
  • Listener Q&A on “almost friends” (16:29–27:36)
  • Low-stake invitations (28:53–29:41)
• Reframing the Friendship Game: 09:10–32:19
• Memorable banter (lawnmowers, earwax, pimple popping): 05:25–13:41

Actionable Advice

• Make a list of your fringe friends right now.
• Pick someone from that list and invite them to a low-key activity.
• Don’t overthink the “ask”—simple, direct, time-limited invitations are best.
• Be the initiator—don’t wait for the other person.
• If you want, use a mutual friend or small group as a bridge to deepen the bond.
• Not every fringe friend will become a close friend, but most people are more receptive than you think.

Final Thoughts

Matt and Aaron sum up that most meaningful friendships aren’t started from zero but grown from the “warm leads” already in your life. Moving from fringe to full friendship requires courage to act—but it’s far less awkward, and far more successful—than cold-approaching strangers. Their parting reminder: “Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.” (32:49)