#160 - 22nd Annual Man of the Year Dinner

Summary

Man of the Year, Episode #160

22nd Annual Man of the Year Dinner

Air Date: November 25, 2025
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo

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Episode Overview

This episode is a celebration of the 22nd Annual Man of the Year Dinner, the foundational tradition behind the Man of the Year podcast. Matt and Aaron take listeners inside the ritual that has kept their childhood friendship group going strong for decades: a yearly pre-Thanksgiving steakhouse gathering in Brooklyn, complete with a vote to crown a “Man of the Year” among their nine original friends. As comedians and “friendship experts,” they use their story to dish out actionable advice, address listener dilemmas, and make a compelling case for rituals as the backbone of lasting adult friendships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Origin & Mechanics of the Man of the Year Dinner

• The Tradition: Every Thanksgiving week since childhood, Matt, Aaron, and seven others meet at Peter Luger Steakhouse to reconnect, overindulge, and vote on their group's Man of the Year. The winner's name gets engraved on a giant trophy, which rotates annually.
• What Makes It Work: It’s not about the trophy itself; “the real trophy is the long-term friendship.” The dinner is the anchor that ensures they gather at least once a year—no negotiation, no guesswork, just ritual.

  "The ritual has taken the guesswork out of friendship... We have an anchor in the sand." — Matt (06:30)

• Why Peter Luger: The steakhouse is iconic, cash-only, “old-school, mafia-like”; the ritual is elevated by its unwavering setting and quirky rules.
  • “We will not tolerate any Luger smears on this pod.” — Matt (04:48)
  • “The real trophy is the long-term friendship, which is why we started the pod.” — Aaron (06:12)

2. Rituals: Why and How They Work

• Anchor & Stickiness: Rituals make friendships “sticky”—hard to skip or bail on, and imbued with shared identity and responsibility.

  "We want to make them sticky. We want to make it something that, A, everybody feels is an identity for them... and B, something they feel responsible for." — Matt (11:04)

• Buy-in: Recurring dates allow partners/families to plan around them, and turn the gathering into an unmissable institution.
• Momentum:

  "Once you get past that first year or two, the stickiness level of the ritual goes way up." — Matt (12:25)

3. Practical Advice for Building Traditions

• Just Start: One person has to step up. Book the dinner, buy the trophy—others will follow.

  “One person has to just do it. Just start. Book a restaurant. Make a trophy.” — Matt (07:30)

• Custom Fit: For groups wary of competition or exclusivity, make it about gratitude, not ranking—e.g., give out communal awards, patches, or “gratitude trophies.”

  “Why can't it just be a gratitude award?” — Matt (08:30)

• Flexible Frequency: Once a year is great—quarterly or even every few years can work for non-local friends, while locals might combine group dinners with weekly rituals like Monday Night Football.

  • “Take what you can get. If you’re all local, you could do quarterly… but for high school or college friends in different cities, once a year is huge.” — Matt (13:23)
  • TC, C: “Text weekly, call monthly, see quarterly.” — Matt (14:03)

• Low Bar for Entry: Traditions don’t need to be elaborate or expensive—Monday Night Football at a bar, group texts, a goofy trophy, or matching patches all count as rituals.

4. Listener Mailbag: Changing Traditions (20:05)

• Dilemma: Listener's Friendsgiving is threatened by a proposed host/location/menu change. How flexible should traditions be?

  • Matt admits he feels “defensive” when his own hosting rituals are upended, but also acknowledges the benefits of flexibility and shared burden.

    “I like to keep it in my house... but they're doing us a favor. We've got a six-month-old!” — Matt (21:10)

  • Aaron shares a personal example: switching venues turned out surprisingly fun. “I wouldn’t blow up the tradition over this.” (22:59)
  • Key takeaway: If hosting matters deeply, communicate that. Otherwise, flexibility builds goodwill, and you can always rotate back next year.

    “It builds up goodwill when you’re flexible.” — Matt (24:41)

• Insight: Don't let logistics ruin friendships—the spirit of connection matters more than the specifics.

  • “You may do it [the new way] and realize, what a load off—I got to enjoy myself.” — Aaron (27:45)

5. Friendsgiving as a National Holiday

• Both hosts campaign for “Friendsgiving” to become official—a low-hanging, annual excuse to see your friends.
  • “It's literally called Friendsgiving. It's in the name, it's in the title!” — Matt (27:30)
• Poll results show most people do it the Saturday before Thanksgiving, but “it can be whatever works.”

6. Other Ritual Ideas

• Decathlon: Former producer’s group gathers for athletic feats—proof that rituals can get as wild as you want.

• Gift Exchanges: Gift-giving is “underutilized” among friends; even a $5 White Elephant can make things memorable.

• “Go Around the Table”: Matt’s tradition of having everyone share something, but cautions to allow prep time for gratitude-sharing moments, as not everyone is comfortable being put on the spot.

  • “I go, later in the dinner, we’ll answer this—unless you have Inside The Actor’s Studio answers ready.” — Matt (31:08)

• Potluck Logistics: Assign dishes based on people’s actual skills/preferences; cups, napkins, and ice all count.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On ritual stickiness:

  “Make it something that we all feel responsible to show up for… It's a responsibility. It's not like, oh, maybe I'll show up. No, no. You have to go to this thing, and you should want to.” — Matt (11:57)

• On inclusive rituals:

  “It doesn't even have to be a trophy… Just an object, so we can ritualize it even better. It’s the gratitude trophy.” — Matt (08:38)

• On adapting to change:

  “If you want to host every year and it’s important to you, I think you should say it and communicate it.” — Matt (25:12)

• On Friendsgiving's purpose:

  “Friendsgiving—it’s about appreciating your friends the way that Thanksgiving is about appreciating your family.” — Matt (29:55)

• Comedic moment:

  • “I brought a can of Manhattan clam chowder because my grandma was born in Manhattan… Me, while I’m allergic to clams.” — Aaron (33:18; 34:16)

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Segment Timestamps

• [02:29] Show start, intro to Man of the Year dinner tradition
• [03:35] Breakdown of the Peter Luger ritual
• [04:33] How “winning” Man of the Year works; the subjective, humorous nature
• [06:30] The importance of rituals for group cohesion; “anchor in the sand”
• [07:07] Listener stories & advice: how to start your own tradition
• [10:02] Why rituals stick—buy-in from partners, establishing routine
• [11:04] Making rituals sticky and group members feel responsible
• [13:09] How often should rituals happen? Location, frequency, and flexibility
• [14:29] Low-bar rituals: Monday Night Football, group chats, fantasy football
• [20:05] Listener question: Should you let someone else host your ritual?
• [27:05] Friendsgiving as an opportunity; urging listeners to do one
• [28:23] When should Friendsgiving take place?
• [29:34] Alternative rituals: decathlons, gift-giving, gratitude traditions
• [31:23] On not putting people on the spot for gratitude exercises
• [32:14] Potlucking: why assigning dishes works (and cups & napkins count!)
• [33:18] Manhattan clam chowder story—bringing humor and realness into tradition
• [34:29] Closing: Happy Friendsgiving, reminders, and signature sign-off

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Episode Takeaways

• Rituals are the “social fitness” secret—annual traditions make friendships last and deepen over time.
• Start small, be consistent, and make it sticky—even a silly group text or rotating dinner counts.
• Adaptability matters—rituals can evolve and still serve their community-building purpose.
• Friendsgiving is an outstanding, easy way to connect—use it!
• Communication is key—when rituals are threatened or challenged, respectful conversation preserves goodwill.

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In the Words of the Hosts

“The real trophy is the long-term friendship.” — Aaron (06:12)
“Make the tradition sticky enough that you just can’t skip it.” — Matt (11:04)
“Start something. Make it real. You’ll be amazed how it snowballs.” — Matt (07:30)
“Friendsgiving is the lowest of low-hanging fruit.” — Aaron (27:18)

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For more rituals, tips, and stories:

• Podcast: Man of the Year
• Social: @ManOfTheYearPodcast
• New on Audible: The Buddy System—your social fitness guide

Transcript

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[Aaron Caro]

Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[Aaron Caro]

Guys, remember to go to audible.com thebuddy system. Our Audible original is now out. It is all about making new friends and maintaining your existing ones. That's audible.com the buddy system.

[Matt Ritter]

It's flying off the shelves.

[Aaron Caro]

Virtual shelves, right?

[Matt Ritter]

So what is it flying off of?

[Aaron Caro]

It's flying off the. The. The. The. The. I have no idea. The bits.

[Matt Ritter]

Can we come up with a new term that's the equivalent of flying off the shelves?

[Aaron Caro]

Streaming.

[Matt Ritter]

Streaming off the. Off the grid.

[Aaron Caro]

Yes, Streaming off the grid. It's off the chain.

[Matt Ritter]

It's off chain. No, that's a. That's a cold storage Bitcoin reference. Right.

[Aaron Caro]

We're not allowed to speak of that on this pod.

[Matt Ritter]

No, we're never allowed to.

[Aaron Caro]

Somebody.

[Matt Ritter]

Somebody messaged me about moonvember, if you recall. I did that silly thing.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, well. Oh, I recall.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Somebody just messaged me, but I go, we can't. Can't talk about Moon Vepper.

[Aaron Caro]

So, speaking of November, it is the most wonderful time of the year. Today is our 22nd annual man of the Year dinner. The ritual, the tradition that launched the podcast. Just a quick primer for those who are new. Matt and I are part of the world's greatest friendship tradition. We have the same group of nine friends from childhood. And every year on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, the nine of us all gather from wherever we are in the country and we have dinner. Peter Luger Steakhouse in Brooklyn. We have a raucous friends giving dinner. We vote on which friend had the best year, and that winner wins our enormous man of the Year trophy, gets their name engraved on it, and keeps the trophy for the rest of the year.

[Matt Ritter]

People want to know how you win. It's completely subjective. You can make a lot of money. You can have a kid. You can have two kids and people don't care. They don't care. They don't. They don't show you the respect.

[Aaron Caro]

Sometimes you hoist yourself up by your own petard.

[Matt Ritter]

That's right. Because I famously said, anyone have a kid? And Brian was trying to vie for the trophy, so. But it's a, it's a great time. And we will not, will not tolerate any Luger smears on this pod.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, Peter Lugers has lost its Michelin star in the past two years.

[Matt Ritter]

And we're happy about it. We're happy. We don't want a Michelin star. We don't want Michelin type folk at Lugers.

[Aaron Caro]

How would you describe Peter Luger as someone who has no idea what it is?

[Matt Ritter]

Old school, mafia like environment. Cash only. You have to wait a long time for your table. But that's the best part.

[Aaron Caro]

Steakhouse in Brooklyn, I think it's 1870 something. I think it's the third oldest restaurant in New York City. Is the thing they do with the steak, is that a, like, do they invent that with the whole, like, Cutting. How would you even describe that?

[Matt Ritter]

You mean like where they bring the whole thing out, like pre cut, like in sections? You're saying that?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, to kind of they.

[Matt Ritter]

That's a good question. Yeah, good question.

[Aaron Caro]

It sort of cooks in its own juices on the table with a hot plate. But it's. Yeah, it's really fun. And, you know, we should say that, you know, a third of the group lives in California, so we're flying in for it. We have a drink, a lot of martinis. And while, yes, like the quote, winner gets a trophy, like the real trophy is the long term friendship. Which is why we started the pod.

[Matt Ritter]

And our thesis that we sort of backed into was that the ritual has made it taking. The ritual has taken the guesswork out of friendship. We know where we're going to be every November and Thanksgiving. We know when we're going to see our friends, at the very least that once a year, and the text chain that subsequently follows and proceeds the next year. So we have an anchor in the sand that takes the guesswork out of friendship. And so we're huge advocates of building any sort of tradition because we know that it works.

[Aaron Caro]

Before we get into rituals generally any other, you know, we've had some people reach out about like their sort of trophy, their annual dinners, their fantasy football. Like, it doesn't have to be that involved. But like, any other tips on how to like do something similar to what we have?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, one person has to just do it, you know? Yes, one person just do it. Just start the tradition. Just make a trophy book. A book a restaurant. Somebody has to take that first step and go, we're doing this. And once you do that, you'll find people will commit.

[Aaron Caro]

I've got to tell you this. So, you know, I have my, I have a friend, Rob, lives in Denver, my Wall street buddy.

[Matt Ritter]

Love Rob.

[Aaron Caro]

And he goes, dude, I, I love, you know, I love your thing. You like. I, I do an annual, like, you know, trip with my buddies. I'm gonna like, create a man of the year type thing.

[Matt Ritter]

Love it.

[Aaron Caro]

He. He brings it up to them. They go, no, no, they go, we don't, we don't like the competition. You know, we don't. We know. We're not, we're not interested in it. They're quite a feat.

[Matt Ritter]

But. Well, then why does it have to be a man of the year competition thing? Could be something else.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay, say more about that.

[Matt Ritter]

So why can't it just be like a gratitude word?

[Aaron Caro]

So what would that be?

[Matt Ritter]

Like a trophy and Every year we just give gratitude to one person on it. There's, you know, it doesn't even have to be a trophy. It doesn't be anything. You know what I mean? Like just a. An object, a physical object so that we can ritualize it even better. And it's the gratitude trophy.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Or remember the thing we used to do in camp? I mean, we weren't big campers. I. I hesitate.

[Matt Ritter]

I couldn't afford it.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah, but, like, I don't want to say everyone gets a trophy because that has a connotation. But, like, let's say, oh, Matt, he did X. He's the blank this year. Cairo, you know, you did Y. You get the spirit award, Something like that.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, look, I mean, I. I told you that my wife and her friends do the jackets, and they get matching patches for every trip they take. So it's a communal share. I do like the idea of everybody getting the same thing, too, as an option, you know, that you build on.

[Aaron Caro]

How does. Do your wife ever wear the jacket? Or she just wears it on the trip?

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know if I've ever seen her wear it. Not on the trip. Pictures. I mean, that's pretty for them all to wear together.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, to have a jacket with a patch of everywhere they've gone. I mean, that's.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Pretty good.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, because it looks like they're at a bachelor party, but they're not. You know, they're like a super friends thing.

[Aaron Caro]

But the key is because, Matt, one of the number one, you know, complaints we get is, well, these. I have friends, but I don't see them. The kids, they're too busy. The beauty of a ritual, whether it's a dinner or a fishing trip or Monday Night Football, every week it's in the calendar. So there's no negotiating about what day it's going to be. You have buy in from the wag. So the wives and the girlfriends or the husbands and the whoever know that this is happening. So it's not like you wouldn't be able to do it. And takes all the guesswork out, because men are real stupid. We're a real dumb species or gender or whatever you want to call.

[Matt Ritter]

And you have the buy look, once you have the buy in, and it's like there's nothing else to be said about it. It's there. That's it.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, well, the. You, you. We talk about ritualizing the ritual, which is creating the trophy, making hats, giving the text chain a name so it makes it a little stickier. Because, you know, as you know personally, some. Some years, you're like, well, you know, maybe I'll skip.

[Matt Ritter]

Let's talk more about the stickiness, because I think it's a great concept that most people don't even realize that's what you're really aiming for with your texts, with your groups, with your rituals. We want to make them sticky. We want to make it something that, A, everybody feels is an identity for them, not something they can slip in and out of, and B, something they feel responsible for.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay. Talk about the responsibility.

[Matt Ritter]

So when you have a friend group, like, for us, right. It's like, for this specific luger, you are. You have a responsibility to uphold, to show up at this thing now because there's a more of a gravity to it. There's more of a heft. It's something you can't miss.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

That's the goal for when I say make it sticky, like, make it something that we all feel responsible to show up for. It's a responsibility. It's not like, oh, maybe I'll show up. No, no. You have to go to this thing, and you should want to. Obviously, you should want to go, but also you have to go. Right? It's like, you definitely should want to go, but now you have to go.

[Aaron Caro]

Right? Because I think also maybe. You know, Matt, we take for granted we've been doing this for 22 years.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

So we're in it.

[Matt Ritter]

We're.

[Aaron Caro]

We've already. We're sticky.

[Matt Ritter]

Well. Well, that's the other thing. The momentum of it makes it exponentially stickier. Right. So once you get past that first year or two, the stickiness level of the ritual goes way up.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

And up and up and up and up and up.

[Aaron Caro]

The first year is the hardest year. The second, maybe the second year.

[Matt Ritter]

Maybe the second. Maybe the second is the hardest.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. Because the first year, you know, you can just show up and say, we're doing this and. But again, I just want to be clear. Like, I think if I was advising. Well, our thing is once a year, and that's good.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

And we have a. We have a group chat that goes 365 days.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

But, like, I don't know. Would you encourage. I don't know. I get. We're. I get a little nervous. If people only do out yearly rituals, what do you think?

[Matt Ritter]

You gotta do whatever.

[Aaron Caro]

You can do what you can get, right?

[Matt Ritter]

Take what you can get. Obviously, if you're all local, you could do quarterly. You know, I. I think for high school friends, for College friends who don't live in the same city. It's a lot to get a once a year thing going. I honestly, I have friends and a lot of people that I talk to, just listeners of the pod, people who know that we do this. They're like, honestly, man, I don't know. I can do once a year even, like. And I'm like, okay, what about once every two years? Yeah, it's hard. I think if you can do a once a year thing, you know, my law school friends were like, man, we haven't seen each other in 20 years. Let's get a once every five year thing done.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay, so what about locals then?

[Matt Ritter]

I think, quote, look, we say TCs, text, call, C. Yeah. You know, text weekly, C. No, what is it? Tech text weekly, call monthly, See quarterly. Those are your bare minimums. So if you could combine that into a quarterly ritual, then you're doubling it. Right. You're doing what you're supposed to do is seeing your friends. But maybe you could see more than one friend that way.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I also think, you know, there is a spectrum, right? We have a dinner and a trophy. It's ridiculous. Like, just as simple as you guys always watch Monday Night Football every Monday and one guy picks the bar each time or you go to the same bar every time. Like, to me, that's a ritual.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. And. And seasonal rituals. Look, a lot of people have built in rituals. We talked about this. Fantasy football. It's a great one. It's a great one. It's built in ritual. That's what it is.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Did you. Did you play fantasy football this year? You don't play pennants?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm Owen five. I'm the guy. What do you mean? I'm the guy that there's bench players in the lineup. Got it, like, on by weeks because.

[Aaron Caro]

You'Re not really paying attention.

[Matt Ritter]

It's just hard. It's just hard. I just, I. I do it to just hand the money in so I can text people.

[Aaron Caro]

But I mean, in a way, I think that's.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Part of it.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, like, that's what I get out of it. You're part of a tribe.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, Like, I, like, have something to look at every.

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Every.

[Matt Ritter]

Whenever I do do it, I'm like, oh, man, I'm one and four. I got. I didn't even know the Giants were playing us on, you know, Thursday, that last couple weeks.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah. I turned on Amazon and I was like, what the hell is going on here?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Where's.

[Matt Ritter]

Where Are the football games on anymore? It's like, oh, sorry, this is on tubing out. Like what?

[Aaron Caro]

Like. Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, no, actually it's on your. It's on your ring cam now. Actually, the Giants play on your ring cam. Oh, the Giants play on your nest. Did you know the Giants for parents now you can only exclusively watch it on hatch Thursday night. Only on Hatch Giants Eagles. You have.

[Aaron Caro]

You have to ask ChatGPT and it just does the play by play.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, like there's a live stream on chat TPT open only on sora. You get to watch a simulation of Giants Eagles Thursday night.

[Aaron Caro]

It's only in 1 32nd.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, you have to watch every day. You get 30 seconds of that game. You have to watch it for a year straight. Only on Tik Tok.

[Aaron Caro]

It's be real. You have to every day. You have to take a picture of yourself when it shows you.

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It's only.

[Matt Ritter]

It's only on the CCTV cam at Walmart. Exclusively. Where the hell are the football games?

[Aaron Caro]

That reminds me, actually, I saw this thing on Tik Tok. I thought it was brilliant there. This, this like high school garage band and it was Australia. They filmed a music video on their neighbor's ring cam.

[Matt Ritter]

That is awesome.

[Aaron Caro]

It's brilliant. They showed up on the guy's lawn, on the guy's porch, like, do you mind if we record? And the guy's like, what? And they went viral. Incredible.

[Matt Ritter]

That's awesome. I love the Internet when that happens.

[Aaron Caro]

I know when that happens. I'm like, oh, this is great. Should we take a listener question?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Will be right back.

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[Aaron Caro]

Okay guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram and we will answer it on the show. Art handles man of the Year Podcast okay Dear Matt and Caro, Every year my friends and I do a friendsgiving and it's one of my favorite traditions. This year someone new wants to host and totally change the vibe. Different location, different menu, even a new theme. I know traditions can evolve, but isn't the whole point of what you guys say is that we do the same thing every year? How flexible should I be about this and how much is it okay to push back without being like petty or defensive?

[Matt Ritter]

Wow, this is a hard one.

[Aaron Caro]

Right? This is changing the ritual.

[Matt Ritter]

Wow, this is a hard. Wait wait, hold on. So back up. It's a new person who's not in the group?

[Aaron Caro]

No no no. So they do a friendsgiving dinner every year. I think they, I think what I'm interpreting is that they do it at one guy's house.

[Matt Ritter]

Yep.

[Aaron Caro]

And now a different person is like, well, why don't, why don't I host?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, look, I get a little defensive about that as a host because I like to host, so I like to keep it in my house. And then when somebody's like, oh, let's do different this year. Like I had actually had this for Halloween. We usually host like a pre Halloween thing for the kids. And then somebody else who also hosts was like, actually, why don't we do it at our house this year? You know, whatever. And I actually, like, part of me was like defensive. Like my immediate reaction was like, no, it's our thing. And then the other part of me was like, no, they're doing us a favor. We've got a six month old. Like it's a pain. It's easier for them to host it this year. Shared burden kind of thing, you know, so, so look, if it's your thing that you want to host and it wasn't clear to me if that's what they were saying.

[Aaron Caro]

I don't know. I don't know that he's the person who's hosting it. But they're just changing where they're having.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. Because I think it usually stems from that where it's like, why host? And now somebody else is asking. I think that's the common version of this. And like, I think it's okay to wanna keep your tradition if you're the host. And like, first of all, that's a valid feeling. Yeah, for sure. You know, but I also see the other side. Like. Yeah, it's kind of good to, it's good to mix things up every now and then.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean, I think about, listen, the year of the pandemic, we did the, we, we, we did the man of the year dinner. Like virtually.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. But if somebody was like, hey, let's go to Wolfgang, you know, steakhouse dead. It's a great steakhouse. Or keens, like, we couldn't do that.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean, that's very specific to art. I mean, it has says Peter Luger's on the trophy.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. We. I'm just saying, like, we couldn't just suddenly do that. Yeah, it says, it says Peter Luger on the trip. We can't do that, guys. Can't do it.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, this is a tough one because I think I'd initially be on your side of like, oh, we've got to keep it the way it is. I like things the way they were. And in fact, you know, I kind of have a little bit of a. A sub friends giving in New York like the week before with like, Brian and that crew. And we've always been doing it at. At Brian's and we switched it last year because someone else wanted. Actually we had this exact same situation and actually was pretty fun switching it up. I mean, I wouldn't blow up the tradition over this.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. I think you need a little more intel on the why. Right. I think another convo has to be had instead of digging your heels in. So I think what happens there is like, a lot of times people just dig their heels in and then you get in a fight where we're not even sure why you wanna. Why you're feeling this way and why they're feeling that way.

[Aaron Caro]

Do you think it matters if the one person like, started it?

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, they get. I think they get a little cred.

[Aaron Caro]

Like, you didn't invent Halloween.

[Matt Ritter]

Right.

[Aaron Caro]

But if you started a. Yeah, you.

[Matt Ritter]

Started a thing where like, you host the pre Halloween thing. Yeah, I think you get cred. Like, that's your thing. You know, I think this is the thing that, like, when hosts collide, like, I'm a host, I have some friends that host. It does get a little trickier on holiday stuff.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

I think, like, and also, like, this happens with family all the time. This is a big family crisis half the time where multiple families want to host Thanksgiving.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

Or really blow up things.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean, you know, when you're married, you have to choose sometimes which family you're gonna go to.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Look, I think it's always good to be flexible and know that you can always bring it back to your place the next year. And I think it, it builds up goodwill when you're flexible.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay.

[Matt Ritter]

There's a certain amount of goodwill when people see that you were hosting something and then you're, you know, like, willing to see that a little. But at the same time, look, if you want to host and you always want. And you really want to do that, like, I think you should say it and communicate it, that it's important to you.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I think this is. This, this is a conversation you can have with the other person. Like, hey, you know, this is important to me. I've been doing it every year.

[Matt Ritter]

Because you, because you do get the default. It. It goes to you by default. Like, it should be at your house by default. If push comes to shove, like, Right. You're the host. Everybody you know, like, owes you a bit of a debt of gratitude for doing that. And like, you know, but, like, is there a reason for the, the switch it up? Sometimes you just want to switch things up, you know, and sometimes it's more convenient at the other place.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean, maybe help more people.

[Matt Ritter]

We don't, we don't know all the reasons. Like, some years you have to switch it up because it's convenience. More people, you know, you're. They're tired of your bland cooking. Who knows, right? There's a lot of things that go into. But if there's a consensus that people want to try it, I don't think it's worth blowing up a friendship to go. No, I'm not. We're not doing it anywhere else.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. I mean, for Thanksgiving, if you feel.

[Matt Ritter]

Strongly that should be at your house, say so.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, you. I was just thinking for friends, for, for Thanksgiving, you know, we go to my cousins. Our other cousins drive from New Jersey. It's a huge slip.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, like, I'm sure one year they want to have it. You could also pitch, hey, why don't we do something else at your place?

[Matt Ritter]

Right. Look, and I think selfishly, like, I love hosting, and I think it's a very generous thing, but I also think on some level, selfishly, I do always want it to be at my place because that's easier for me. For a lot of people see it as a burden to host.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

But I see the opposite. So it depends, you know, that's the other piece, too.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, it's funny you say it's easier for you. I mean, yes, you were at home. You don't have to leave your home, but you have to, like, turn your home upside down.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I know.

[Aaron Caro]

So it's just mindset, really.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, that's. That's true.

[Aaron Caro]

Can we talk about friends giving for a moment? This is a friendsgiving.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

We, we've said since we started the pod we want to make friends giving a national holiday. Just want to make sure our listeners are using friends giving as an opportunity, an excuse to see your buddies.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Like a text to your buddies. Hey, let's do a friends giving. I mean, it's. Please, like, this is low hanging fruit.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, it's the easiest. The easiest.

[Aaron Caro]

It's literally called friendsgiving.

[Matt Ritter]

It's in the name, it's in the title.

[Aaron Caro]

All right, do we answer this?

[Matt Ritter]

I think so. I think you just, you have to have the convo get a little more clarity on why you feel that strongly or if you even feel that strongly. You may not even feel that strongly.

[Aaron Caro]

Hell, you may do the thing and realize, oh, man, what a. What a load off. I got to enjoy myself.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Do you enjoy yourself when you host?

[Matt Ritter]

I love it.

[Aaron Caro]

You just have attention.

[Matt Ritter]

Guilty.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay, guys, that was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram. Man of the Year podcast. I just want to talk about friendsgiving for a second. We never really decided on when friendsgiving is. I don't think there is an answer to it.

[Matt Ritter]

Did we do. We did a poll last year or two years ago?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I think it was two years ago.

[Matt Ritter]

And it was like, what are our three options?

[Aaron Caro]

It was last Friday, last Saturday, and then I think we just put today Tuesday because that's when we do it. And tomorrow Wednesday, which is Thanksgiving.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, I thought it was. I. I never heard Friday. I thought it was Saturday, Tuesday or Wednesday.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, Tuesday we're only putting it because that's when we do it. I mean, we just. And we just made that up because it's convenient.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, you think that's the third. Third place one between those?

[Aaron Caro]

I don't think anybody does a Friends giving on the Tuesday, but maybe. I mean, actually, I don't know.

[Matt Ritter]

I forget what the poll results were. I think they were the Saturday before.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, but why can't it be Friday?

[Matt Ritter]

Far removed.

[Aaron Caro]

Too far removed. Right, right. Okay, fair enough. Okay, so we've. We've talked about our man of the year dinner. We have talked about friends giving. Anything else on the idea of rituals. Any other rituals that we should, You know, we should talk. You know, our. Our former producer, Theo, he does a decathlon.

[Matt Ritter]

Terrible. He's doing that soon enough.

[Aaron Caro]

Who you. Oh, decathlon. Yeah, yeah. He. He gets together with his buddies and they. And they like do a. Feats of strength to make.

[Matt Ritter]

That's. That's pretty cool. He does that on friendsgiving?

[Aaron Caro]

No, no, that. Now I'm just talking about rituals generally.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah, yeah. But look, I also think friends giving, it's not just like, hey, let's get together. It's like, it's about appreciating your friends the way that Thanksgiving is about appreciating your family.

[Aaron Caro]

Right, exactly. Like, you know, you could. If you do a friendsgiving thing, you could always do, you know, one of your trademark Matt, go around the table type things.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. You could do white elf. And I know they save those for. For like end of the year, Christmas holidays. But gift giving is under. Underutilized still in French, in friendship way. Underutilized.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, I just, I worry about creating a barrier to entry.

[Matt Ritter]

No. Like, five bucks, guys.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, well, no, I don't mean cost. Just, like, then you have to, like, do something.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I, I will say this, Matt, you'd appreciate this. So I, I, I, I did this West Hollywood Run Club a bunch of times over the summer.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

And they do a thing where, you know, anybody new today, raise your hand and you just say your name and what you're grateful for.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay.

[Aaron Caro]

But I, I, I didn't like it because that's something you kind of gotta think about. Felt like you put a lot of people on the spot.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, I, I do. I do feel this. So when I do it at dinner, I go, later in the dinner, we're gonna answer this, right? Because I agree. Unless you just have, like, you're inside the actor studio answers ready to go.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

Who has this? Who has the actual. You can have an answer, but who has the actual answer that really aligns with them, like, off the top of their head? Because I think a lot of times what happens is you say the thing and then you're like, that's not really me.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

You know, like, if I were really thinking about me and, and I wanted to really tell people more in a better way, I need some time to think about it.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. Also that, you know, the Run Club, I mean, you're in, you're in front of strangers. I mean, it's not even a dinner party.

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[Matt Ritter]

By the way, here, you want to hear something interesting about friends giving? This is something that I think just in general about hosting, that we've gotten better about. We used to want to cook everything and, like, kind of territorial when we're, you know, we're talking about this listener question now. It's just like, we demand that everybody bring something.

[Aaron Caro]

So you pot luck it.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Not potluck it. Is that potluck it?

[Aaron Caro]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Matt Ritter]

I think potluck is, like, guess. Isn't there, like, guessing involved? We tell people what to bring.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, so you, you, you, you, you pick the dish?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay.

[Matt Ritter]

Jesse's really good about that. She's like, you are gonna make the walnut salad.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay. What if someone doesn't, like, make walnuts out?

[Matt Ritter]

No, she knows. She knows who's got what skills.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay. That's why she never asked me to do anything.

[Matt Ritter]

Exactly. She's like, caro, bring the ice.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, I think we talked about this in the pod many years ago, but when we we used to have when we were in school together, you know, you had to, like, bring in whatever, and I'd be like, cups and napkins.

[Matt Ritter]

You're the cups and napkins guy.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm like, I'm a cups and napkins guy because everyone needs it and you don't have to do anything.

[Matt Ritter]

Listen, cups and napkins are as important as cake.

[Aaron Caro]

And then. I don't remember I told you this. This was, I don't know, fourth grade, fifth grade. You're supposed to bring in a dish that represented something of your ethnicity or nationality. Probably wouldn't allow you to do that anymore.

[Matt Ritter]

Do you bring home Intoxians?

[Aaron Caro]

I brought. So stupid. I brought a can of Manhattan clam chowder because my grandma was born in Manhattan.

[Matt Ritter]

That's hilarious. And so not the Jewish food.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, I don't know if it's Jewish. I don't. I think it's maybe like, you know, like your.

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know what. I don't even know the background of Manhattan clam chowder, but clams are not kosher, so I'm guessing.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, you meant Manhattan cloud. No, but I think that it was supposed to be like, oh, your family's from Poland. You make souvlaki. I know. I know Poland's not souvlaki, but I think that's what it's supposed. I know it's not. I don't know if you're Greek. If you're Greek. I don't know what. I'm just saying, like, that's what it was supposed to be like. Oh, you bring some. Like, you're. You're Romanian.

[Matt Ritter]

Manhattan clam chowder.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

My. Yeah. Campbells.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Camels is my. Is my. It's my heritage. Oh, God. Anyway, Swanson microwave meals.

[Matt Ritter]

That's my heritage.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, me, while I'm allergic to clams.

[Matt Ritter]

That's. That's true. And a clam will kill Carol.

[Aaron Caro]

A clam will kill me. Don't tell people that.

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[Aaron Caro]

Okay, guys, well, I'll see you tonight. Matt. Let's go.

[Matt Ritter]

Party, baby.

[Aaron Caro]

Wishing everybody happy. Friends giving. Let us know about your rituals. Check out our Audible original audible dot com. The buddy system. You can also check it out. Check us out at man of your podcast dot com. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.

[Matt Ritter]

Love you, buddy.

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[Aaron Caro]

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