Podcast Summary: Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #161: Friendship FOMO

Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Date: December 2, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Matt and Aaron dive into the complicated topic of "Friendship FOMO" (Fear of Missing Out)—how it’s experienced, what causes it in friend groups, and practical ways to manage it from both sides. Mixing personal anecdotes, listener questions, and earnest advice, the hosts explore the emotions surrounding exclusion, the etiquette of inviting friends, and the social dynamics of adult friendships—especially in the age of social media.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Launch Party & Memories of Exclusion

• Matt reflects on hosting a book launch party and feeling guilt over potentially leaving someone off the invite list.
• He connects this feeling back to a high school party where he and Aaron were almost left out:
  • Matt (02:09): “All you had to do was turn over the piece of white lined paper and there our names would have been.”
  • Aaron (02:14): “Yeah, we were number one in your heart, number 47 on the guest list.”
• This segues into the theme of FOMO, especially when social media amplifies the awareness of gatherings one was left out of.

2. The Origins of “FOMO” and “FOBO”

• Aaron shares that FOMO was coined in 2004 by a Harvard Business School student, and also mentions "FOBO" (Fear of Better Offer).
  • Aaron (06:46): “It was a Harvard Business School student writing in the Harvard Business School paper… He also coined FOBO, fear of better offer, which didn’t catch on.”
• Matt jokes about their own attempts to launch new social acronyms, like "LUMOs" (level up moments).

3. Causes and Consequences of Friendship FOMO

• Matt explores his tendency to be "over-inclusive" and the lingering guilt when someone might feel left out (08:10).
• The hosts discuss the reality that sometimes, limited resources (like event tickets) restrict who can be invited, and that FOMO can be intensified by both large and intimate gatherings:
  • Matt (09:07): “I think there’s FOMO if it’s a really big party and if it’s an intimate thing, like eight people or less, where you think you’re in a ring.”
• Aaron explains the importance of security within a friend group to minimize negative FOMO. If everyone knows their place, sporadic exclusion stings less.

4. Navigating Exclusion and Communication

• There’s a distinction between the generic FOMO (“That looks fun”) and the more pointed, painful “Why wasn’t I invited?” kind.
  • Aaron (10:30): “There’s two types of FOMO… Oh man, that looks so fun. And this FOMO of like, WTF, why wasn’t I invited?”
• The hosts emphasize that it’s normal to occasionally be excluded and that it doesn’t necessarily signify a problem in the friendship.
• Aaron (12:18): “If you’re making plans and excluding someone… just make other plans with the other person for another time.”
• Making up for missed events by intentionally scheduling one-on-one time can strengthen friendships more than simply squeezing everyone into one big event.

5. When Exclusion Might Be Intentional

• Aaron outlines a framework for evaluating patterns:
  • How often is exclusion happening?
  • What’s the context—was the gathering meaningful to you?
  • Is the exclusion recurring and deliberate, or incidental due to logistics?
• If a pattern emerges, they recommend addressing it gently and not jumping to conclusions.

6. Listener Question: Should I Pay for a Friend Who Can’t Afford the Trip?

• Listener Eric writes in about wanting to cover a friend's costs for a group trip without making that friend uncomfortable or awkward.
• Matt’s advice (20:31): Handle it one-on-one, make it “a fait accompli,” and frame it as “we need you there.”
  • Aaron: “It’s not gonna be fun without you. I’m doing this selfishly—because it’s not gonna be fun without you.”
• The hosts agree that, in adult friendships, splitting costs is part of “the cost of doing business,” and the true harm would be the friend missing out, not the temporary awkwardness.
  • Matt (24:05): “Money is not the only contribution… your presence is your contribution.”

7. Tactical Tips to Counter FOMO

• Become the plan-maker: If you’re worried about being left out, initiate your own events to inject yourself into your friends’ consciousness.
  • Matt (29:36): “One good way to not get excluded from things is to be the plan maker. Be the friend, the host… sometimes you need to recirculate yourself into people’s minds.”
• Give friends the benefit of the doubt: Look at the bigger picture and patterns over time before confronting someone about exclusion.
  • Matt (28:49): “We always say, most people just aren’t thinking about you, they’re busy.”
• Low-pressure communication: Instead of a confrontation, simply expressing that you saw an event and would have loved to be there can gently telegraph your desire for inclusion.
  • Matt (31:16): “That looks so fun. Love to see you guys.”
  • Aaron (31:23): “You can even be more passive… like, ‘I love whiskey’ or something like that.”

8. Social Media’s Role in FOMO

• Both hosts agree social media amplifies FOMO by making every gathering visible, but remind listeners not everything is as it appears online.
  • Matt (33:15): “Not everything is what it seems… People could be like, ‘Oh, I thought you said you weren’t going out.’”

9. Introducing "JOMO" – The Joy of Missing Out

• Aaron refers to JOMO as an antidote to FOMO, relishing the peace of missing an event.
  • Aaron (33:34): “I call JOMO ‘Joy of Missing Out’… I always say, ‘have fun.’ That’s Caro’s line.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Matt: “We rip on each other, we laugh, we give you self help on how to make friends. If you’re starting from absolute zero, total effing strangers…” (00:57)
• Aaron: “You’re not doing this all the time… your friend is not on your tab. You’re not paying—he’s not your dependent… The bigger cost would be him not being there.” (22:45)
• Matt, on social media FOMO: “Not everything is what it seems… People could be like, ‘Oh, I thought you said you weren’t going out.’” (33:15)
• Aaron: “I always say—have fun. You want to come to this kid’s birthday party? Have fun.” (33:54)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:12 — Sports team loyalty tangent; LA Dodgers vs. NY Mets
• 06:06 — The true origin of “FOMO” & “FOBO”
• 08:10 — Guilt about causing FOMO in others
• 10:30 — Types of FOMO: fun envy vs. personal exclusion
• 18:37 — Listener Question: Paying for a friend’s trip (Eric’s question)
• 22:45 — Why including friends is valuable even if it means covering costs
• 29:36 — How to proactively prevent FOMO by making plans yourself
• 33:34 — Introducing JOMO (“Joy of Missing Out”)

Tone, Style, and Takeaways

Matt and Aaron keep the episode light, humorous, and honest, mixing self-deprecating stories with practical, empathetic advice for adult friendships. The tone is conversational, occasionally irreverent but always encouraging—reminding listeners that friendship isn’t perfect, but honest communication and occasional flexibility can make a world of difference.

Final takeaway:
It’s natural to feel FOMO, but the best antidotes are direct communication, taking initiative, and assuming good intentions. Social media doesn’t tell the full story, and sometimes, missing out can actually be a relief.

Connect with the Show

• Send your friendship questions on Instagram: @manoftheyearpodcast
• Check out their Audible Original: The Buddy System

Remember:
“Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.”