Man of the Year: Champions of Friendship

Episode #167 – How to Make Friends as an Introvert
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Date: January 13, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Matt and Aaron tackle a common listener challenge: how can introverts successfully make and maintain friendships? Drawing on their years of "friendship expertise" (and characteristic humor), the hosts aim to debunk misconceptions around introversion and friendship, provide specific, actionable tips for introverts, and offer support for those who feel isolated—while addressing a listener's honest question about loneliness and self-care gone too far.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introverts vs. Extroverts: Friendship Myths and Skills

Timestamps: 00:59–03:56

• Myth-Busting:

  • Many introverts claim standard friendship advice doesn’t work for them, but Matt insists, "Extroverts are not better at friendship than introverts." (02:24)
  • Aaron jokingly agrees, but acknowledges extroverts might find "initiating" slightly easier in large groups.

• Introvert Superpowers:

  • Matt praises introverts for elite friendship skills: listening, remembering details, going deep, being emotionally available, and comfort with silence.

• Friendship Is for Everyone:

  • The challenge isn’t introversion itself, but finding the right approaches: “The ways, the stereotypical ways of...friendship making...maybe need to be reframed or tweaked for you." (03:34–03:56)

2. The Four Levels of Friendship-Making—Introvert Edition

Timestamps: 05:42–16:26

Matt and Aaron apply their “four levels of friend making” framework specifically for introverts:

Level 1: Existing Friends

(07:14–09:40)

• Instead of “making friends from scratch,” prioritize re-engaging with people you already know.
• Key hacks:
  • Send a "thinking of you" text.
  • Share an old photo.
  • Post to a group chat.
  • “It’s much easier, especially if you're an introvert, to just connect with someone you already are friends with…light the fuse again or, you know, turn the light back on.” (07:49)

Level 2: Friends of Friends ("Warm Leads")

(09:43–12:06)

• Moving cities? Utilize your network: ask friends if they know people in your new town.
• Matt coins it a "confidence hack": being introduced by a mutual friend "makes it not daunting."
• Aaron reminds listeners, “You'll get one response. You never know until you try. No harm, no foul.” (11:17)

Level 3: Fringe Friends (Acquaintances)

(12:06–14:56)

• Approach neighbors, colleagues, gym acquaintances—people you already interact with superficially.
• Make the encounter introvert-friendly: suggest settings with low sensory overload ("Do you like walks? Don't you go for a walk?").
• Focus on leveling up just one acquaintance—don't pressure yourself to convert every fringe friend.
• “Instead of thinking about it as small talk, it’s...like you have to complete level one of this game.” (14:56)

Level 4: Total Strangers

(15:22–18:51)

• The hardest step for everyone, not just introverts!
• The "third place" theory: Consistently visit a place you enjoy outside home and work (e.g., a coffee shop, gym, chess club).
• Process > Outcome: Don't set out to “make a friend”—just enjoy yourself and let familiarity breed opportunity.
• "If you go out and say, 'My goal is to make a new friend tonight,' you're going to fail every time because you can't control that." (16:39–17:01)
• Tips for breaking the ice:
  • Wear a "statement tee or hat" to invite conversation.
  • Use open body language, smile, offer compliments, ask simple questions.

3. Debating Identity: Are Introverts Locked Out?

Timestamps: 18:51–21:40

• Matt wonders if “identifying” as an introvert becomes a limiting belief that blocks social experimentation.
• Aaron says introversion/extroversion is a spectrum, even for them: "I was at an event the other night…should I talk to them? And I just ended up not."
• Matt reframes: "Your social health involves multiple tiers…it's great to have deep friends, but you also need some shallow connections too." (19:30)

4. Listener Question: Self-Care or Self-Isolation?

Timestamps: 22:16–27:53

Listener asks: If I do everything “right” for an introvert—quiet nights, alone time—but feel lonelier than ever, am I actually isolating myself?

• Matt references recent articles (including The New York Times) questioning if prioritizing self-care leads to loneliness.
  • "You can overcorrect yourself into loneliness with this…'Oh, I have to protect my energy.'"
• Aaron reflects: "Of course you'll never be in an uncomfortable situation if you never go out…Of course you're very lonely because…you've been staying home all the time."
• Solution: Experiment—decrease isolation incrementally, see if more socializing improves your sense of fulfillment.
• Matt’s analogy: “If at the end of the day you have a low phone battery, do you say, 'What a waste'? No, you did a bunch of stuff, and that's why you have a low battery. Congratulations. Batteries are for [using]." (26:00–26:27)
• Aaron’s advice: “A great form of self-care is hanging out with your friends.” (25:21–25:27)

5. Should Introverts Only Befriend Other Introverts?

Timestamps: 28:40–29:20

• Both hosts agree: No, a healthy social circle spans both types.
• Aaron jokes, "Extroverts could use some introverts around to absorb their body blows…and need extroverts to make the party fun." (28:58)

6. Advice for Extrovert–Introvert Friendship Pairs

Timestamps: 29:20–31:15

• Extroverts: Include and introduce introverts, don’t pressure or “fix” them.
• Matt: "Maybe it's worth having that convo…'Just so you know, I'm pretty introverted. I'm not like someone who's going to be serially calling or texting…'"
• Aaron: It’s also fine to say “I'm not a big bar guy," or "I'm not a great texter."
• Ensure introverts feel included and comfortable without being pushed.

7. Closing Thoughts and Call for Feedback

Timestamps: 31:31–32:22

• The hosts ask introvert listeners to share their thoughts: "What did we get wrong? We're just two extroverts trying to see if we…hacked it." (31:31)
• Last joke: “Matt, I don't know if these introverts are going to be able to send us a message. It might be too much for them.” –Aaron (31:54)
• Reminder: “Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.” (32:19)

Notable Quotes

• “Extroverts are not better at friendship than introverts.”
  – Matt Ritter (02:24)

• “The problem isn’t the introversion. It’s just that introverts are not thinking about the ways that are the best for them to connect necessarily.”
  – Matt Ritter (03:21)

• “It’s much easier, especially if you’re an introvert, to just connect with somebody you already are friends with and you just need to light the fuse again.”
  – Matt Ritter (07:49)

• “Friends of friends is a confidence hack. It’s a complete and total confidence hack.”
  – Matt Ritter (10:22)

• “If you go out and say, ‘My goal is to make a new friend tonight,’ you’re going to fail every time because you can’t control that.”
  – Aaron Karo (16:39)

• “You can overcorrect yourself into loneliness with this…‘Oh, I have to protect my energy’…the question should be, does this alone time make you feel good?”
  – Matt Ritter (24:43, 25:21)

• “A great form of self-care is hanging out with your friends.”
  – Aaron Karo (25:21)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Introversion vs. Extroversion & myths: 00:59–03:56
• Making friends as an introvert – Four Levels: 05:42–16:26
  • Level 1: Existing friends (07:14)
  • Level 2: Friends of friends (09:43)
  • Level 3: Fringe friends (12:06)
  • Level 4: Total strangers (15:22)
• Navigating identity & social “tiers”: 18:51–21:40
• Listener Q: Self-care turning into isolation: 22:16–27:53
• “Introverts only befriend introverts?”: 28:40–29:20
• Extrovert–introvert friendship tips: 29:20–31:15
• Closing/jokes: 31:31–32:22

Tone & Style

Lively, humorous, and encouraging—Matt and Aaron mix personal anecdotes, practical advice, and friendly banter aimed at creating a supportive space for listeners of all personalities.

Takeaways for Introverts Seeking Friendship

• Leverage existing relationships first; reconnect rather than start from scratch
• Use friends-of-friends as “warm leads” to ease introductions
• Focus on deepening relationships with acquaintances (“fringe friends”) in your own style
• Consistency in shared-interest environments (“third places”) will naturally foster connection over time
• Don’t let being an “introvert” become a limiting belief—everyone needs a mix of deep and casual bonds for full social health
• Self-care is vital, but beware of isolation disguised as “protecting your energy”—small social stretches can be rejuvenating in the right doses

Matt’s parting challenge:
“Introverts, if you’re listening—what did we get wrong? We’re just two extroverts trying to see if we can…hack it.” (31:31)

Aaron’s sign-off:
"Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy." (32:19)