#183 - Buddymoon’s Over

Summary

Man of the Year - Champions of Friendship

Episode #183: Buddymoon’s Over
Date: May 5, 2026
Hosts: Aaron Karo and Matt Ritter

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, comedians and friendship experts Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo dive into the wedding season and dissect the trendy concept of the "Buddy Moon"—a honeymoon you take with friends. The discussion blends personal anecdotes, societal trends, and comedic rapport as they explore how modern weddings and friendships are evolving. The latter half features an extended "asking for a friend" segment, tackling ethical dilemmas about second weddings and gifts, culminating in their own signature solution: the "wedding clawback."

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The End of Wedding Years and Shifting Traditions

• Both hosts reflect humorously on attending fewer weddings as they age. Matt notes (00:50) that he still has a few thanks to his younger spouse Jess.
• They share laughs about Jess's age and Aaron inadvertently implying she was much younger at their wedding, leading to recurring jokes about "child bride" (01:44).

2. The Buddy Moon Boom

Definition and Trends

• Aaron presents the "Buddy Moon" as a post-wedding group trip with friends, not just the couple (03:14).

  “Buddy moon is a honeymoon you take with your friends or a group instead of just a couple.” — Aaron (03:17)

• He outlines reasons for the rise of buddy moons (03:24–04:27):
  • People marry later; honeymoons are more about celebration
  • Adult friendships are more important; bringing friend groups together
  • Destination weddings are popular, making the extended group trip economical
  • Less-traditional weddings allow for more creative post-wedding plans

Alternate Buddy Moon Concepts

• Matt’s initial idea: courthouse weddings with group trips instead of big weddings (05:01).
• The pair debate the overlap between destination weddings and buddy moons (05:53–06:24).

3. The Role of Dancing and Wedding Rituals (06:24–07:49)

• Aaron voices skepticism about dancing-centric receptions (“Why are we doing a whole thing around dancing?” — 06:46)
• Matt points out some weddings are evolving away from compulsory dancing and share memories of their own wedding celebrations.

4. Downsides & Considerations of Buddy Moons

• Cost & Obligation:
  • Hosts highlight the increased expense and logistical burden on friends if both a wedding and buddy moon are done (08:06/13:03).
  • Emphasis on not expecting friends to join unless they enthusiastically opt in. (“Nobody’s obligated… I assume you’re doing this because you have buy-in from a group.” — Matt, 14:03)
  • Urge for “radical self-awareness” when inviting friends, considering their life situations (14:17).
• Intimacy Concerns:
  • The possibility that choosing a group trip over solo time with a new spouse could signal relationship issues, but Matt downplays it:

    "Even the most intimate people... sometimes you want to have friends around." — Matt (11:45)

  • They share family anecdotes, including how Matt’s parents accidentally had a disastrous buddy moon—with untranslated Hebrew relatives on their honeymoon (09:00–10:10).

5. Generational Differences & Group Travel Trends

• Recognition that for younger generations, group trips are the norm and buddy moons may just be a new name for what they already do (14:57–15:43).
• Matt notes, “If we’re creating a new reason to get together with your friends, I’m all about it” (15:15).

6. Audience Question: Wedding Gifts and Second Weddings

(Timestamp: 19:14–32:08)

• Listener Scenario:
  • Gave a generous wedding gift and attended a bachelor party and wedding for a friend whose marriage ended quickly. Now, the friend is remarrying and expecting another expensive celebration and gift.
  • “Either give me my gift back from the first wedding or don’t throw a destination wedding for your second wedding. This is bullshit, right?” (20:19)
• Matt’s Solution: The Wedding Clawback

  • Compares wedding gifts to legal recruiting “clawbacks” (20:39)

  • Suggests gift vesting:

    “I propose that they have to stay married at least two years to get the full amount.” — Matt (21:21) “Maybe wedding gifts should vest.” — Matt (22:17)

  • Proposed Rubric:

    • 50% of the gift is received immediately; remainder vests over two years.
    • If marriage ends early, unvested portion is rolled over to the next wedding (23:06).
    • Discussion of proration, fairness when a spouse is remarrying for the first time, and rolling over gift value (“wedding rollover”) (23:27–25:56).
• Ethical Takeaways:
  • You are not obligated to attend a second, expensive wedding or give another large gift; you are also not entitled to be angry (30:07–30:42).

    "You're free not to go, and you're free not to give a gift. You're not free to get mad." — Aaron (29:54)

  • If the bride is new/first time, she should receive a proper celebration (25:26).
  • Hosts share personal anecdotes mirroring the listener’s dilemma, including destination weddings and split households (30:42–31:33).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Dance-centric Weddings:

  "So much of weddings is about dancing, and that really bothers me because, like, who really dances?" — Aaron (06:46)

• On Buddy Moon Intimacy:

  “Is it a bad sign that you’re not wanting to travel solo with your partner?” — Matt (08:37)

• Most Awkward Buddy Moon Story:

  “…my dad convinced my mom that his cousins from Israel should join them on their honeymoon. …Two weeks just trekking across the country… my mom spoke no Hebrew at the time… Not your ideal honeymoon.” — Matt (09:04)

• On the Wedding Clawback:

  “I propose that they have to stay married at least two years to get the full amount.” — Matt (21:21)

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------------|------------------| | Opening Banter/Intro | 00:00–01:59 | | Wedding Years Behind Us? | 01:59–03:14 | | Explaining the Buddy Moon | 03:14–04:27 | | Matt’s Alternate “Buddy Moon” Concept | 05:01–06:24 | | Dance Rituals at Weddings | 06:24–07:49 | | Downsides of Buddy Moons | 08:06–08:45 | | Most Awkward Buddy Moon (Matt’s Mom) | 09:00–10:10 | | Intimacy vs. Group Travel | 10:56–12:44 | | Discussing Buddy Moon Finances | 12:44–14:47 | | Generational Differences / Group Trips | 14:57–15:43 | | Audience Question: Gifting & Clawbacks | 19:14–32:08 |

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Conclusion & Listener Engagement

The episode closes on a reflective note:

"We want to hear what you think about our wedding clawback rubric. We want to hear about baby moons. We want to hear about buddy moons and the other moons that you can convince your friends or your husband to take you on a trip. Thank you guys for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, Buddy." — Aaron (32:12)

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For listeners:

• Participate by sharing your own moon experiences or gift dilemmas via Instagram.
• Consider the “wedding clawback” proposal for future wedding gift calculations!

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The hosts’ tone is candid, comedic, and rooted in personal experience, making this episode a helpful—and entertaining—exploration of evolving wedding and friendship traditions.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Of the year.

[B]

Man of the year. Man of the year.

[A]

Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[B]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[A]

Guys, make sure to go to manoftheourpodcast.com to grab our merch and go to audible.com the bunny system, to check out our Audible original. Matt, it is May and you know what that means. Wedding season, baby. Wedding season. Rife with friendship peccadillo's as we say, which is not the right term, but our wedding years are kind of behind us. Is that true?

[B]

I mean, I'm waiting on you to tell me when we're done.

[A]

I know, but besides that, when's the last time you went to a wedding?

[B]

No, I mean I had a few because, you know, Jesse's seven years younger.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I'm still at the tail end. So I still have of her friends. I still believe I'm going to have four or five in the next two years and that'll be the end.

[A]

By the way, this is a compliment to your wife Jess, that when you texted me about her upcoming birthday.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you joke, jokingly said it's her 30th birthday. I literally, for two minutes I was like, could that be right?

[B]

You know, I had quite a few people say that to me. Guess that means she's looking good. Is.

[A]

Is it her 40th?

[B]

We're not going to say that on the podcast. Are you out of your mind?

[A]

Sorry. Right, right, right. It is her. It's her. She's in her. She's in her late, early 30s.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. We love.

[A]

But I literally was like, wait a minute, I officiated their wedding. Was she a child bride? It made no sense.

[B]

Child. It was a child bride wedding. We had everybody come. No, she was, she was, she was whatever age she was then, plus another eight years.

[A]

Do you have any, do you have any that are like the coming up this summer? You just have like. They're coming up eventually.

[B]

They're coming up eventually. I don't have any on the calendar. Do you? No.

[A]

Nothing on the calendar. No.

[B]

Thank you. Like you always have some random crossfitter. Some, some, some. Some guy you met at the barber shop or.

[A]

It's funny you say that because two of my CrossFit crew got engaged last year. So those wedding. Lenny and my other friends. So those invitations are probably en route at the moment and you know TBD on when those are going to be.

[B]

Wedding ringer could have been about you.

[A]

Was that, was that the Kevin Hart one?

[B]

Yeah. I don't even know what it was about, but I know.

[A]

Yeah, but I, I, I, I pitched this topic to you the other day and you immediately lit up because it, you know, it hits a lot of our erogenous zones. And that is the buddy moon, the concept of a bunny boon, Buddy moon. And that is a honeymoon you take with your friends. There's a bunch of articles, Matt just, Matt is literally champing at the bit. You can Watch us on YouTube, by the way. Matt, can I, can I give you some sort of, a few bullet points of sort of what a, a honeymoon is?

[B]

Buddy.

[A]

Buddy moon. I keep saying honeymoon and like some of the, some of the talking points.

[B]

Okay, I'd never, by the way, I had never heard this term until you. Really?

[A]

No, I think there's been several like dumb feature specs sold called buddy moon in the past like 10 years. So buddy moon is a honeymoon you take with your friends or a group instead of just a couple. It often happens after a destination wedding to keep the, the celebration going. And sometimes couples do do both. A buddy moon and their own private one. So why is this like a trend number one? So couples are, people are marrying later. So it's not like, oh, we need to explore our intimacy for the first time. It's like we're both in our 30s and it's more about a celebration. So that's one, two. Friendship is becoming more important in adulthood. When you marry, you're marrying two friend groups together. Three, destination weddings are more popular. So if you're already with, with your buddies in Costa Rica, you might as well keep going. It could also be cheaper if it's a group travel. And lastly, modern weddings are a bit less traditional and so honeymoons are getting a bit less traditional.

[B]

So. Okay, so I had a different idea in my mind of what the typical buddy moon was.

[A]

Oh, wait, hold on, hold on. I'm gonna try to guess what Matt's deranged brain thought.

[B]

I think probably accurate, but go ahead, you guess what I think I was gonna say.

[A]

I'm gonna guess what I'm gonna think Matt guessed. I don't know. I think you were saying something that it's more like, I don't know, I don't know. What could you, what else could it possibly be? Like a bunch of other couples. Two, Two other couples. I don't actually, I don't know what you thought.

[B]

So I was thinking because weddings have gotten so expensive, a lot of people are just doing like low key or like courthouse marriages and so they don't want to do an expensive wedding, and instead they're like, you know, let's just pick like two or three couples and we'll do a buddy moon. That's what I thought would be the classic. In my mind. If you just said, hey, what is a buddy moon? That was where my brain went, am I crazy? Or is that something that's happening in. In. In this realm of buddy moods?

[A]

This doesn't seem to be, from my research, what people are doing, but I like it and I want to. Yes. And that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What if instead of a destination wedding, you get there, the ceremony happens the first night real quick, just like you're pitching, you know, it's a Costa Rican mass. Master of the judge of the. What's it called? Master of the justice ceremonies. And then the rest of the weekend is a buddy moon.

[B]

Right. How is it different from a destination wedding?

[A]

You're right, you're right. Well, how is yours different?

[B]

Well, mine is that the wedding is not. Not anything like the wedding is courthouse in whatever, la.

[A]

And yeah.

[B]

You know, because you didn't want to, like, go crazy and spend a lot of money. But then like. Or, you know, also, maybe there's. The timing doesn't work. So then maybe just whatever for the holidays, you go, hey. All get together and go on a buddy moon to Hawaii.

[A]

Can we just discuss any tangential. That came up, like 60 episodes ago, this, this thing that weddings. Because I. Because I. Because I like what you're saying. I'm actually picking up what you're putting down. So much of weddings is about dancing, and that really bothers me because, like, who really dances? Some people have to dance. But, like, isn't it. Why are we doing a whole thing around dancing?

[B]

It is very funny. You're hitting something very. I think, very. I would agree with that if you asked a survey of a hundred, just like normal adults, what are the top 10 activities that. No, no, no, no. Let's go. Top 30 activities they do on a regular basis. How many of the hundred would say dancing?

[A]

Well, maybe that's why I like it. Maybe that's why they like it.

[B]

Right. It's out of. Right. So it's a new thing. But look, listen, I think some weddings are getting away from that for sure.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I like just being dance heavy.

[B]

I think a lot of them are like, if you'll notice, our wedding go back eight years. We did a lot of dancing, but our happy hour was almost two hours and we had a. Yeah, we extended the buffet.

[A]

I mean, I loved the Two hour cocktail hour because I had just officiated, so I was basking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In the glow. Not to make it about me, but

[B]

also that part was outdoors, and the wedding was indoor indoors. So we were like, let's spend more time outside.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But. All right, so let's talk about. I mean, I love this. I'm trying to think of some downsides of this. I mean, I guess if. If now you're asking your buddies to spend even more money.

[B]

Right. Well, that's the thing. Right. Is this for people who already had a wedding and did a big thing or not? Right. Because if it's for people who didn't, I could see it more. Right. Like, it's hard for me to see you going, hey, we just had a wedding. Is this in lieu of your own honeymoon?

[A]

So some people do both. Now, some of the downsides people have mentioned are it's less intimate. I mean, you're like, just got married, now you're going on a trip with your friends, which I have thoughts on. 2. Now you're planning for a whole group, which is.

[B]

Right. Is it a bad. Is it a bad sign that you're not wanting to travel solo with your partner?

[A]

But I think, Matt, to your. To the point of it, like, if you're getting married. If I'm getting married at 46 or let's say 50. I mean, I'm sure we've already traveled together. It's not like, you know, it's that big a deal. I don't know.

[B]

It just hit me. My mom had the worst buddy moon of all time.

[A]

Talk to me.

[B]

My mom had the absolute worst buddy moon of all time. I would love it if any of our listeners can message me to top this buddy moon nightmare. Okay, so my parents got married in the Poconos. Something like that. Yeah, Poconos. Yeah. Anyway. And I guess somehow my dad convince my mom that his cousins from Israel should join them on their honeymoon. Cross country trip.

[A]

I mean, that's the worst.

[B]

My mom spoke no Hebrew at the time. And they spoke Hebrew, just. Just Hebrew the entire time. Two weeks just trekking across the country with my dad and his cousins and not understanding a word they're saying. On your honeymoon.

[A]

And they're even asked, what are these cousins like?

[B]

No, I mean, listen, they're very sweet, but.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Like, they're great. They're fun, but, like, right. I don't know. Not your ideal honeymoon.

[A]

I mean, Izzy was a man who had no equal, and this is just another Izzy story. That is.

[B]

Yeah. I don't even think you knew that story.

[A]

Never heard it. And I. When I say that, I've never been less shocked by a story in my life. Like, I mean, that sounds a buddy

[B]

moon, but I think they met at a Purim party. My. My dad offered her a ride to a Purim party at Buffalo.

[A]

Oh, that's sweet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Your mom. They met at a singles table at a wedding.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Yeah, I think that. Let's talk about. Do you have anything else to say about the intimacy factor of, like, is it weird that you're not just going away with your friend?

[B]

Look, I mean, I'm not gonna judge. I don't know. You know, I'm sure everybody has their own, you know, things going on, and I'm sure most people who do these buddy moons have plenty of intimacy with their partner. I'm sure they're not doing it to avoid. I was just kind of making a joke. Yeah, I don't have. I don't have a problem with that. If you and your partner. It's more like, if you and your partner in agreement on this, like, oh, if that is your vibe. If you're more like, hey, you know, it would be great if our friends could join us. We're not going to do this ever again. Like, traveling through Europe. Wouldn't it be. Because, let's put it this way. Jesse and I just spent two months together in Europe, right? Just. Just me and her for two months. And I love her. We have great time together. But it also was awesome and, like, enhanced when we had some visitors.

[A]

You also have kids now, so it's not like it was just the two of you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm just saying. But, like, even. So, even the most intimate people, like, you want. I don't know, sometimes you want to have friends around.

[A]

Listen, my. I just spent a week in Aruba. I leave and my parents stay for another week. Me and my sister leave, My parents stay for another week. Been married for 51 years. I'm like, what the f. Are you guys even talking about anymore? Like. Like, I just, like. I mean, they have a great relationship, but it's like. I just can't fathom it.

[B]

Listen, but that's the thing, Kiro. That's the thing. A healthy relationship is when you don't talk, there's nothing. You don't have to be talking. You're just at peace. You're just having a companion silently. It's fine.

[A]

Okay, fair. Agreed. But what about when you go to Dinner just sitting in silence, eating across from your partner?

[B]

No, no, no. I think you should have stuff to talk about with your partner. Yeah, the dinner. Yeah.

[A]

So I. Let's talk about money for a second. And we do have. Actually, let's save the money because I have a listener question about it. But I don't think you should be doing this. You can't do a destination wedding. No. You can't do a wedding where you have to travel to and then ask your friends to do a Buddy Moon. We have to try. I mean, it's just like.

[B]

Well, yeah. Are you talking about the money aspect of it right now?

[A]

The. The money and the logistics and the, you know, the ask.

[B]

Well, because I was gonna say, like, I know some people who have done 50/50 recently and 40th, 50th, whatever, big birthdays, and they've invited like groups of friends. Some people pay for them, some people don't. I think that really is just a, you know, what's your circumstances?

[A]

What does that have to do with anything?

[B]

I thought you were saying, like you're imposing on people. Some people like pay for the whole thing.

[A]

Oh, if. If you're saying, if you're paying for your friend for them to come on your buddy Moon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, hell yeah. Great. I mean, that's great if you're doing that or doing that. But I'm saying if you're getting married, if you live in New York and you're getting married in D.C. and then you're going on a Buddy Moon in Cancun, it's just a big forget about the money for a second. Just like a big, I don't know, presumptions.

[B]

Well, I don't think you're expecting anyone to come for this Buddy Moon, right? I mean, that's the thing. It's like, do a body.

[A]

Unless you expect someone to come.

[B]

No, no. I'm just saying nobody's obligated is what I'm saying is like, this is a new concept. I assume that you're doing this because you have buy in from a group, not like, hey, you know, we decided we're going to do this thing and now we have to like try to convince people. I don't know.

[A]

All right, I guess let's reframe it. If you want to do this, you need to practice radical self awareness. You and your partner need to look and say, here's who we're going to invite. Yeah, this person's a doctor. They can't go. This person is unemployed.

[B]

Are they really Going to want to come, or is this an obligation?

[A]

Because I think maybe this is for the younger folks. These younger folks do everything together, and it's good.

[B]

That's the thing. You can. You can do it lean, too. I mean, you don't have to do it expensive, you know, you don't have to go that far.

[A]

That's true. That's fair. I'm looking at the ages and the people in these art. Yeah. It's all late 20s and early 30s.

[B]

Right. So presumably there's a component where they, like just being in groups, you know, and maybe there's a financial component.

[A]

You know, I suppose there's no real difference between this and a group trip, which we've, you know, with couples and singles and.

[B]

And we both, like, celebrate everything. We say celebrate everything. So if we're creating a new reason to get together with your friends, I'm all about it. Look, I like the baby moon. That was great. A great reason to get to travel with your wife. I'd never heard of that before a couple of years ago. And we just took two fun trips that if. If this baby moon thing didn't exist. Right. We wouldn't have gone to all these fun places.

[A]

Right. But again, your friends weren't there, so it didn't matter. It's, like, irrelevant.

[B]

No, no, but my point is the idea of, like, creating something. Yeah. To go do something fun. Like, I'm saying, barring a baby moon being invented as a term five years ago, Jesse and I wouldn't have taken a couple of fun trips. You know, that added to our, you know, because I don't think that's like, the norm. So the idea is, if we're normalizing a buddy moon, I think that's great, you know, for people. For people that. That will work for sure.

[A]

Jess would have convinced you to take a trip. That's like, I need. I need to hear more.

[B]

You think, Jess, you think Jesse would have invented buddy Moon, a baby moon, if it wasn't invented?

[A]

I mean. Exactly, exactly. That's like. It's like. What's the Seinfeld line? Oh, who's your favorite explorer, DeSoto? What'd he do, discover the Mississippi? Oh, like they wouldn't have found that anyway.

[B]

Jesse would have figured out a way to get us to the Ohio Valley in. Anyways, what you're saying. All right.

[A]

Should we take a listener question?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, we'll be back. We'll be right back with a listener question.

[C]

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[A]

okay, guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram man of the Year podcast. We will answer it on the show. And we can also anonymize you if you'd like. Matt, this is. This is a real banger. It's a bit more of a screed than a question.

[B]

I love a good screed.

[A]

Dear Matt and Cairo, love the pod, but I've got a problem. One of my close friends got divorced less than a year after a very expensive wedding where I gave a pretty generous gift where I gave a pretty generous gift and flew across the country twice. Once for the wedding and once for the bachelor party. Even though everyone in the friend group hated his girlfriend and knew she was wrong for him. And we were right. Now he met a new girl who I actually do like. He got engaged and is throwing another expensive wedding that personally I can't afford. Am I wrong to be like, wtf? Either give me my gift back from the first wedding or don't throw a destination wedding for your second wedding. This is bullshit, right?

[B]

I have so many great thoughts that just immediately hit me. Okay, so our audience may not know I also have a business side business as a legal recruiter. And you and I know the word. My, my least favorite word in the English language is wait, wait, wait.

[A]

Oh, gosh. Oh. Oh, I don't know.

[B]

Clawback.

[A]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So that is a term that I want to use here. Ready? So clawback is if a, if I place an attorney and they don't stay for six months or a year, and the fee that I've been paid, I, they, they, they take it back, they claw it back. So I propose a wedding clawback. A wedding gift clawback, period. And the rate should go down. So we have a pro rata thing in the recruiting business where it's like monthly. So if the person stays for three months and it was a six month period, you get half the money back. Right. So for our wedding clawback, I propose that they have to stay married at least two years to get the full amount.

[A]

Oh. So in this case, the, the, the couple is, is, is you almost. There's a couple.

[B]

If you get married, if you get married and you don't. And you don't stay married for two years, gifts returned.

[A]

Okay. Now is it an escrow? Is it an escrow?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, escrow. Or, or we could go with. Or you're getting married again. Like that. That amount carries forward. Right? It's it's like, you know, not unrefundable, but transferable. Well, let's go back. Let's go back to the clawback thing. Let's figure out the clawback thing. What's the appropriate period? One year. Like, what's an unacceptable amount of time to, like, do that?

[A]

Wait, wait, do the. Does the couple get any of the money up front or immediately? Or do they get all of it up front?

[B]

Yeah, I think you. I think.

[A]

Here's.

[B]

You can't. You can't give it all back, but I think. Or is it over a certain amount

[A]

or they get doled out, like vesting in a. In a. I think.

[B]

What? Yeah, I think maybe wedding gifts should vest.

[A]

Okay. I think. I think they should get 50 off the bat.

[B]

Up front. You need the money. Yeah, up front. The other 50 vests over two years. Two years.

[A]

Does that create a perverse incentive for people to hang on before they get divorced?

[B]

Fine. Spend two years with somebody. Take it easy. Take it easy. Figure it out.

[A]

And what's the. What's the qualifying event? Is it a breakup of the Filing divorce papers? Separation.

[B]

Yeah, the divorce. Divorce. If they get divorced, then that money's got to go back. But maybe that money doesn't go back to you. Maybe they have an opportunity to get married in the next two years.

[A]

So we'll do a wedding rollover.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Like an IRA. Like you switch jobs, right? Your 401k can roll over. You have to do it in a certain time period, I believe. I don't think it's like a cobra thing. It's not 180, but maybe it puts you on the clock for finding a new partner.

[A]

I think 50% of your wedding gifts should roll over if you get divorced.

[B]

50%. So, okay, so hold on. Wait, hold on. So first of all, you get. You get 50 of your. Of your money when you get married, right? And then the rest vests over two years. So you've been married for two years, suddenly you get the whole infusion. Whatever. If it was falling apart, then you can break up the next day. Fine. But if you get divorced before that, that whatever. Whatever was remaining in the escrow account gets rolled over. It doesn't get returned. Gets rolled over. And then you have two years to get remarried.

[A]

No, I think that even if you fully vest, that it should. 50% should roll over anyway.

[B]

Oh, you're saying

[A]

if you ever get divorced, Right. So if I gave you $400 for your wedding, you get remarried five years later. I already have $200 banked.

[B]

You're right. You're saying if the equivalent was another 400 gift, it's half.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I like it. Yeah. We should not be paying full in full when we've paid in. We already paid in full and we had a bad experience. We didn't get our refund.

[A]

I mean, it's not my fault you got divorced. I mean.

[B]

Yeah, right, Exactly. I paid in full for your lifetime of happiness. I paid in full for a lifetime of joy for you. Right. I think you would.

[A]

I think you would also realign incentives because people just get married left, right, and center these days. What do they care?

[B]

Totally. Yeah. But look, I feel bad again. We talked about the second marriage. Like, it should be a big deal if it's the other person's first. Okay, that's the problem, Right? Like say. Say you're in a second marriage, but the wife is in a first. What? She's supposed to get shafted on the gifts. Okay, Yeah, I didn't think about that. That's a little complicated.

[A]

Also, what if she really wants a destination wedding? You're like, I already took my friends to Hawaii.

[B]

Right. You still gotta go, because she. It's her first wedding.

[A]

Okay, Is there a version. I'm just spitballing. Don't, don't, don't at me. Where the. By the way, I love that we're just assuming it's a wife and not a husband getting married for the first time. Let's just say it's a wife's first wedding. Is there any version where she should be practicing radical self awareness and be like, listen, all his friends traipsed to Europe last time. I'm okay with a domestic wedding.

[B]

Right. Or a lower gift amount because all these guys already ponied up.

[A]

Oh, the gift amount.

[B]

Oof.

[A]

That's a toughie. But I'm saying that, no, I should

[B]

be allowed the wedding that she wants. I think she should be allowed the wedding she wants.

[A]

Yeah, shut up, Matt. I think that the. That, that also the money is banked. For instance, let's say I would give 400. I banked 200. If I give Mrs. And Mrs. Smith 200, the husband also has got to put 200 into that pot. Like the woman should be getting the right.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh. He's got to give his wife the other two.

[A]

Yeah, we're rolling over. Right? I mean, that's what a rollover is.

[B]

Yeah, I know, but he's, you know, he doesn't have the money probably.

[A]

Well, I Mean, that's not. Again, none of this is our fault. Okay? Don't get.

[B]

No, that's true. We get. We. We gave you our. Our cash amount that says, here's what I believe your lifetime of joy. Should.

[A]

Should.

[B]

Should be. Here it is.

[A]

Yeah. The wedding clawback.

[B]

Anyway, so. Yeah. Clawback. Wedding clawback. Think about it, people.

[A]

Yeah, so. Or is this guy wrong to be bitter, upset, not go?

[B]

I mean, look, here's the thing. It's just things happen in life, you know, and you don't have to go if you don't want to go, but I don't think you have the right to be bitter or pissed about it. Just don't go if you feel it's an imposition, don't go. But don't be upset about their joyous thing. Because they want you to be. They're inviting you because they want you to be part of this real. This, like, thing that they're super enthused about. It's their wedding. They're super pumped. He's super pumped. And he's trying to put the past. He knows, you know, he knows, you know, that he had a, you know, bad marriage, divorce, whatever. You. You know, you thought she sucked, whatever. But, you know, life goes on, fresh start, tabula rasa.

[A]

But I. I don't think he's pissed about this current wedding. He likes her. I think he's retro.

[B]

I know, but he's doing. He's doing math. He's doing, you know, he's doing the math. The past math. So I think the only thing you can do is go, hey, there's a little escrow account for this gift this time.

[A]

I mean, listen, our. Our buddy. This. Literally, this. It's almost like I asked this question. But our. Our buddy got married, destination wedding. Then he recently got married again, and the wedding was in Taipei. Oh, I didn't go, and I didn't give a gift.

[B]

Because you gave him a lifetime gift the first time.

[A]

Listen.

[B]

No, but you don't. But here's the thing. But I'm saying I think you have the right not to go. You don't have the right to be angry about them inviting you to their wedding.

[A]

Okay, that's interesting. Yeah, I guess. I guess I'm. First of all, definitely not angry at all. The wedding already happened. Jeff went, and you have the right

[B]

not to give a gift.

[A]

I think, yeah, maybe I should have given a gift.

[B]

Yeah, maybe you still can. What's the statute of limitations? I don't think it's one year. I think it's five years.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, really? And now you think it's five years?

[B]

You have a gift.

[A]

SOB sob. All right, did we. Did we answer that question?

[B]

I don't know if we answered it, but we came up with a damn good rubric. The wedding clawback.

[A]

The wedding clawback. Yeah. I mean, I think you're right. You can't change the past if you can't afford to go.

[B]

The.

[A]

Cause the groom has to understand. The groom can't be like, what do you mean, Matt, you're not coming to my wedding? Like, bro can't afford it.

[B]

He knows. That's what I'm saying. He knows. He knows already.

[A]

You think he knows?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

That's. That's a good. That's a good, you know, rule of thumb. You're free not to go, and you're free not to give a gift. You're not free to get mad. But the groom is also not free to get mad.

[B]

Right? Because he flubbed it.

[A]

He bifted me.

[B]

Yeah, he crapped out once. And you spent a lot of money on that trip and he crapped out.

[A]

Yeah. To be fair, Chuck, I just saw him. He never said anything about not giving. God, no.

[B]

He's probably not upset. You know, he gets it. You know, it's a second. Look, I personally, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna celebrate them. I'm not gonna dwell on the past. I'm going to give him the full amount. That's just me. But I think everybody has a right to, you know, go. Look, I just. You know, I went to. I just went to Cancun two years ago for.

[A]

You want to hear something funny? So he. Chuck, lives, I think, in Maryland or New York. And he met this woman, I think, on a trip in Taiwan. She's a doctor. She's got practice in Taiwan. He's got a job in New York. So I go, oh, so, Chuck, so where are you guys gonna live? He goes, we haven't discussed it yet.

[B]

What? Wait, this was pre wedding.

[A]

This is. This is. It's been 18 months since the wedding.

[B]

Where are they?

[A]

There. He's shuttling back and forth between New York. Yeah, yeah. He goes, it hasn't come.

[B]

If you do a third wedding. Listen, if he does a third wedding, will be no gifts.

[A]

He goes, it hasn't come up yet. Oh, man.

[B]

Can you imagine? Second claw back? A second clawback?

[A]

No, the second one's got to be an escrow with a third party. Arbitrator, some. Something like that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Listen, you Pay me to come to your third wedding.

[B]

That's right. No, listen, the third wedding has to be at. At your office, like the farmers market or something.

[A]

Oh, man. All right, guys, I was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram and we will answer it on the show. Matt again, anything else? Weddings or Buddy Moons before we close it out?

[B]

No, I mean, I think we just. I feel really good about what we did here today.

[A]

Guys, we want to hear what you think about our wedding clawback rubric. We want to hear about baby moons. We want to hear about buddy moons and the other moons that you can convince your friends, spend more money or your husband to take you on a trip. Thank you guys for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, Buddy.

[B]

Love you, buddy.

[D]

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