"Is That What You Want” - Not Recommended

Summary

Manager Tools Podcast Summary

Episode: "Is That What You Want” - Not Recommended
Air Date: October 21, 2024
Hosts: Kate & Sarah

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Overview

This episode tackles a common question among managers: Is it effective to ask, “Is that what you want?” when giving negative feedback? The hosts, Kate and Sarah, dissect why this question is problematic and provide alternative, more effective ways for managers to communicate desired changes. The goal is to help managers deliver timely, future-oriented feedback that encourages improvement, maintains trust, and avoids unnecessary defensiveness.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Manager Tools Feedback Model Refresher

• The feedback model has four steps:
  1. Ask a question (to open the feedback, e.g., “Can I give you some feedback?”)
  2. State the behavior observed
  3. State the impact of the behavior
  4. End with a future-oriented question (e.g., “Can you work on that?”)
• The focus of this episode is on the last step and why “Is that what you want?” is not recommended.
  (06:59–07:59)

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2. Why “Is That What You Want?” Doesn’t Work

• The question shifts focus to the past and “rubs in” the mistake, rather than motivating future improvement. It invites a negative answer and defensiveness, which extends the conversation rather than resolving the issue quickly.
• Defensiveness: “It increases the chances that your direct will be defensive, which is my least favorite thing to handle.” – Kate (11:21)
• Losing future-focus: “If you ask, 'is that what you want?'… it's focusing on the negative past.” – Kate (11:11)
• It also makes the interaction unnecessarily long and awkward, undermining the value of quick, frequent feedback.
  (09:09–17:26)

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3. The Core Purpose of Feedback

• All feedback is positive (in purpose):
  • “All feedback is positive because the purpose of all feedback is to encourage your directs to do the right thing in the future.” – Sarah (10:28)
• Move forward, not dwell on the past: Focusing on the past leads to explanations and justifications which aren't useful for future improvement.
  (10:28–13:56)

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4. Examples: Bad vs. Good Feedback Closers

• Bad Example:
  • Sarah: “When you miss a deliverable, it slows us down because others can't start their work that's dependent on this deliverable. Is that what you want?”
    • Kate: “No.”
    • Sarah: “Yeah. Okay, so folks, you heard it, right? …it effectively lengthens the entire feedback conversation.” (15:05–16:03)
• Good Example:
  • Sarah: “When you miss a deliverable, it slows us down because others can't start their work that's dependent on this deliverable. Can you work on that?”
    • Kate: “Yep.”
    • Sarah: “There you go. See, now conversation’s over. It feels over, right?” (27:21–27:28)

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5. Why Managers Default to “Is That What You Want?”

• Some managers, feeling creative or wanting to reinforce the mistake, try this or other flourishes.
• Direct reports perceive it as “rubbing it in” and negative, rather than motivational:
  • “Now it just feels like you’re rubbing it in. So we don’t mean much by it other than I just want to make it clear... But to them it’s like, okay, well, let’s just keep beating this dead horse, would you? I love being flogged.” – Sarah (18:18)

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6. The Value of Simplicity and Trust in Feedback

• Brief feedback allows for more feedback moments, which is more effective for development than fewer, longer conversations.
• Short and trusting: The best step-four questions are simple asks, which assume the direct is capable of improvement:
  • “Can you work on that?”
  • “Can you change that?”
  • “Can you do that differently?”
  • “Can you do that better?”
• These questions imply trust and respect for the other person’s abilities.
  • “There’s some trust inherent in that… that they’re capable of that and willing to try.” – Kate (27:02–27:12)

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7. Organizational Principle: Fix at the Right Level

• Problems should be addressed and solved at the level where they occur, not by escalating or overanalyzing. Managers can’t control specific behaviors—empower people to own their improvements.
• “You are not physically capable of editing their behaviors... accepting responsibility for that is bonkers.” – Kate (25:05)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “All feedback is positive because the purpose of all feedback is to encourage your directs to do the right thing in the future.” – Sarah (10:28)
• “It increases the chances that your direct will be defensive, which is my least favorite thing to handle.” – Kate (11:21)
• “If you ask, 'Is that what you want?'… it's focusing on the negative past.” – Kate (11:11)
• “Now it just feels like you're rubbing it in. So we don't mean much by it other than I just want to make it clear... But to them it's like, okay, well, let's just keep beating this dead horse, would you?” – Sarah (18:18)
• “You are not physically capable of editing their behaviors... accepting responsibility for that is bonkers.” – Kate (25:05)
• “The right questions in step four… are based on the core principles of trust, respect, encouragement. And asking, 'Is that what you want?' violates all of them.” – Kate (30:25)
• “Do you want to again give me feedback with the new question? ... Can you work on that?” …“Yep. …There you go. See, now conversation's over. It feels over, right?” – (27:12–27:28)

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Recommended Approach for Negative Feedback

• End with a simple, future-oriented question:
  • “Can you work on that?”
  • “Can you do that differently?”
  • “Can you change that?”
• Avoid “Is that what you want?” and similar questions that are past-focused or invite defensiveness.

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Key Timestamps for Reference

• 06:59–07:59 – Feedback model explained
• 09:09–11:11 – Why “Is that what you want?” is problematic
• 11:11–13:56 – Negative aftermath & focus shift
• 15:05–16:03 – Bad feedback closing example
• 27:12–27:28 – Good feedback closing example
• 30:25–30:38 – Summary of right vs. wrong approach

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Tone & Takeaway

The tone is collegial, direct, and practical, emphasizing trust, efficiency, and clarity. The hosts advocate for keeping feedback short, supportive, and future-focused. The episode’s clear message: Do not end negative feedback with “Is that what you want?”—it’s ineffective, demoralizing, and drags out the conversation. Instead, use simple, trusting prompts that encourage change and keep relationships strong.

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For more tools and guidance, visit Manager Tools.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to Manager Tools.

[B]

This is Kate and this is Sarah.

[A]

Today's Is that what yout want?

[B]

Part 1 of 1 the questions this cast answers are Is it effective to ask is that what you want? Why wouldn't is that what you want work? And what are good ways to ask for change when giving negative feedback?

[A]

If you want answers to these questions and more, keep listening.

[B]

Success in management is all about results and retention. Our Manager Tools license is designed to help you thrive in your role, providing you with the essential resources you need. Our interview Creation tool makes it simple to develop structured interviews that align with your team's needs. This tool helps you save time, minimize bias and make smarter hiring decisions effortlessly. When you need quick advice or a fast answer to a management question, our AI powered chatbot is always ready to assist. Get reliable guidance instantly to handle any situation with confidence and Delivering effective feedback is key to team growth, yet it can be daunting. Our Effective Feedback series provides practical examples and practice, making it easier for you to deliver feedback when it counts. No matter where you are in your management journey. We offer the tools and support to enhance your effectiveness and propel propel your career forward. Equip yourself for ongoing success with the right resources at your fingertips. Visit us online [e-mail] licenses to learn.

[A]

More in rolling out the Manager Tools trinity, you start with one on ones to build trust. The vast majority of managers who try them love them. Trust gets built and that speeds up work and improves quality. Trusting relationships are the foundation of great management success. Once you've gotten comfortable in your one on ones, the next tool then in the trinity to roll out is feedback. And I do think this is a it's a bigger shift for most people. I think one on ones the way people feel about the behavioral change of one on ones is like I'm just going to another meeting. But feedback takes a little bit more work and so after 12 weeks of one on ones, we recommend you start giving feedback. In the Manager Tools model, you start with positive feedback for eight weeks and that means you use the model only for positive feedback and then gradually add in negative after eight weeks.

[B]

Exactly. And folks, when you follow the path that Kate is outlining here, the fears that most managers have about giving negative feedback prove unwarranted. The reason we start with one on ones before we ever do feedback and then we do positive feedback before we ever give negative feedback is because of this trust building and directs who have a trusting relationship with you and have gotten plenty of positive feedback are just fine getting the Occasional piece of negative feedback. Now, once many managers reach this steady state, if you will, with both positive and negative feedback, they often feel confident enough to begin departing from the scripted nature of the feedback we teach. And, folks, this is usually a really good thing. One of the reasons we find many managers maybe don't initially love the feedback model is it sounds a little scripted, and it does in a supportive and helpful way. Once you've done it enough times, you can veer from the script itself and it becomes more you. The more relaxed you are, the more natural you are when delivering feedback with a positive tone. For positive and negative feedback, the more positive reaction you'll elicit from your directs.

[A]

There's also opportunity right when you're, as you get more comfortable with it, to add in, in step three, statements about the impact of their behavior that have more resonance with the direct. Some directs care more about one thing versus another, and your ability to kind of upgrade your feedback for that individual after you've been practicing is much higher. And so we agree that it's great to bring some of your understanding of your direct into the conversation slowly. And so we're excited for people to adapt it and to use it, because the real thing here with feedback is we want to give you a way to give more feedback. We want to.

[B]

Communications.

[A]

Communication, yeah. Every week when we do conferences. And this week, I was in Seattle and had such a great group in Seattle. So smart, engaged, really enjoyed spending the week with them. One of the conversations we had was.

[B]

About.

[A]

The idea of when I ask people, would you like to hear more from your boss about how you're doing at work? Positive and negative, Just, do you want more input about how you're doing at work? When I asked that question of audiences of groups, most of the people in the room raised their hand. Yeah, that's great. From the perspective of us feeling comfortable delivering it, what bothers me about it is for 10 years, I've been going around the world teaching people how to give more feedback, and I haven't lowered the number of hands of people who are interested in it.

[B]

So we're still not getting enough.

[A]

We're still not giving enough. I'm not making traction on this particular metric. So we really want to give y' all a tool that allows you to do more of this, because we know based on our experience, our exposure to managers all over the world, that there's still room for more performance communication out there. So the more relaxed you are, the more natural. As you said, great. But sometimes managers get a little too Creative. And the improvisations, some of which are helpful, but improvisations good in theory, not always great in practice. One such custom change to the negative feedback model is that people say in step four rather than can you work on that or can you change that? People say, is that what you want? And this one really does not work. We don't recommend it ever.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. It's not an effective final sentence. In fact, as you'll hear more in this podcast, it is contrary to the purpose of feedback itself.

[A]

That particular question, it doesn't support our future focused change initiative around performance communication.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. So the outline for today's cast. First, we're going to cover why the question is that what you want doesn't work. And then we're going to talk a little bit more about the right questions to ask if in step four of negative feedback. So, Kate, before we go into this, I'm imagining to myself there are people listening to this podcast right now who are thinking to themselves, okay, all this lead up, we're like five minutes in. I don't know what the feedback model is. So I have no net in which to catch this information. So real quick, folks, the Manager Tools feedback model is a four part model that begins with a question followed by a behavior, then an impact and then the closing sentence. We're talking today about the closing sentence. So, yeah, for example, can I give you some feedback?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When you interrupt a colleague, they lose their train of thought. Can you do that differently?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And what we're talking about today here, folks, is that last sentence switched out for is that what you want to.

[A]

Which my answer, if I was having a snarky day, would be yes, good one. Because I can.

[B]

I know, exactly. Because I can. Because I can. Okay, so folks, the first bit of our guidance today, we do not recommend you use the question, is that what you want? As step four? The question in step four of the Manager Tools feedback model when delivering negative feedback. For the record, if you're new to feedback, when giving positive feedback, you don't ask a question in step four. Remember those folks of you who never heard this model before? I was delivering to Kate earlier a piece of negative feedback. It had a question. If I was delivering positive feedback, there's no question. I would have just said thank you or keep it up or that was great, or thanks so much. Whatever I wanted to say, right?

[A]

Because we're focused on the future with feedback and what we're doing is validating the behavior that we observed or that they engaged in. In our last bit if it's positive.

[B]

Exactly. Negative.

[A]

We're asking them to change. And the reason we don't recommend you use the question is that what you want is first, it creates a negative answer. If you ask, is that what you want? After pointing out that your direct behavior was ineffective, the answer you're going to get is no. I'm going to take a slight detour here. Sometimes when we are teaching people the model, another thing that happens which is pretty similar is when the people try to use the first question instead of, can I give you some feedback? They try to utilize the question, do you mind if I give you some feedback? And that is a question for which the permissive answer is no. And psychologically, that's really tough to hear no. And then understand that that's what indicates that you're allowed to proceed.

[B]

No, I don't mind. Yeah, it's just. It doesn't make sense. Like, it's. It confuses your brain. You're right.

[A]

It confuses your brain. And similarly here, if you ask, is that what you want? The answer you're going to get is no. Sometimes, maybe, depending on how snarky your directs are being. Okay, why is that not good? Because all feedback is positive, believe it or not.

[B]

And that's a real mind killer. Every time we're teaching this stuff, it really changes the whole game. All feedback is positive because the purpose of all feedback is to encourage your direction to do the right thing in the future. If you're giving positive feedback, you're encouraging more of the same behavior. And when you're giving negative feedback, you're asking for a different positive behavior. When they find themselves in a future similar situation, the purpose of feedback is always about your directs. Future behavior, therefore, imagine as positive. Positive, exactly.

[A]

Yeah. But again, if you ask, is that what you want? The answer you're going to get is no. And that is not talking about a positive future. It's focusing on the negative past. It increases the chances that your direct will be defensive, which is my least favorite thing to handle. No one loves that in general, of all the responses. And you know, it's funny, it's taken me delivering hundreds of pieces of feedback to really feel the consternation of the churn that defensiveness creates. It is so hard to cause someone to not feel or behave defensively often. And when your direct is defensive, they believe that you're focusing on the mistake and not on the future change in behavior. And they focus on it. Right. They think about defending their position, which pulls them back into the past. It does it's like, oh, okay, well let's think about what happened and what they're going to do is they're going to validate why they did it. And they can. Because it already happened.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the purpose here is thinking about the future. They can talk about a past incidents because they know the circumstances. So there are reasons they can validate their behavior in the future. In another similar situation, they don't yet know the circumstances and therefore the validations that they were to provide to you will not apply in all situations.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Whereas the behavior would apply. Right. Not interrupting a colleague would apply. It's easier for them to argue with you. It's easier for them to be defensive about stuff that's already happened. It's also not a great discussion for us to have because the circumstances will never be exactly the same again.

[B]

Exactly. Exactly.

[A]

Yeah. And so when you ask them what do you want? It makes them believe that you want to talk about their mistake, not their future behavior. And you don't want to be involved in that conversation. Not only because A, they're defensive, B, you can't fix it, and C is most important, which is A, I shouldn't have phrased it that way. I should have done like 3, 2, 1. It's just not effective. It violates the fundamental principle of feedback. When we're talking about the past.

[B]

That's exactly.

[A]

I don't want them thinking about the past. I want them thinking about how they can project this behavior on the future. I end up talking about this a lot. Like when we ask for specificity and feedback, it's specificity around behavior, not circumstance.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because a specificity of circumstance causes a discussion in which you're aware of the circumstances, which is not what the future holds.

[B]

That's exactly it.

[A]

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[B]

To tee us up here for the next little bit. Kate, let's do another example of a simple piece of feedback situation. We've got a direct. They're late with the deliverable, not a big deal, but also counter to effectiveness. So we give them feedback in this exchange. Kate, can I give you some feedback.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When you miss a deliverable, it slows us down because others can't start their work that's dependent on this deliverable. Is that what you want?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so folks, you heard it, right? When you hear the exchange, most managers immediately feel like surely the conversation doesn't end there. Right. Like, it's not like Kate's just gonna say no and then there's not gonna be more follow up.

[A]

Right. What do you want?

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

It would be a little weird to just walk away from this conversation at this point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If I said no, and instead of saying like, well, then instead of saying like, well, what do you want? It would be weird for Sarah to just be like, okay, okay, good.

[B]

Glad you didn't. Yeah, just like super weird. It effectively lengthens the entire feedback conversation because the question makes us both feel like we must have to say more now.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We surely can't end it here.

[A]

We've got the first issue, which is it violates the principles of feedback, which is talking about the future. The second one is we have now created a situation where we have to have a longer conversation.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I mentioned y' all earlier. What we're trying to do is give you more opportunities to deliver performance communication using feedback. Speed is pretty valuable. It in that area.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Faster it is, the more chances you have. So we can't condone lengthening this conversation.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, Kate, every time we ask managers, why don't you give more feedback? The first thing that pops out of their mouth is, I don't have time for that. Yeah.

[A]

Because they all believe it has to be this big conversation, like root cause, fault tree discussion.

[B]

Someone said to me just the other day, I was in a virtual effective manager conference. He said, sarah, I'm doing roadmap. I'm using Roadmap, the tool, and based upon the number of blanks that appear in the reporting tool, it appears as though you think, I'm capable of giving five pieces of feedback to a person every week. I'm like, yeah, I do think you're capable of that. But again, this is a time thing. Right? This is. Who's got time for that? Way too busy to give that many pieces of feedback.

[A]

And if you use the actual model, it takes like 10 or 15 seconds.

[B]

Exactly. Exactly. All right, so when we talk to these managers, again, this comes from managers and their natural flourishes, if you will. Once they've got some comfort with the feedback model, they start trying on different questions. Is that what you want? Question tends to Pop up. And when we ask managers, okay, well, why, why that change? Why that flourish to the model, if you will, they say, well, to be clear, I'm just trying to make it clear to them that they made a mistake. But when we talk to directs who heard it, they say, look, it's obvious what I did wasn't great. Now it just feels like you're rubbing it in. So we don't mean much by it other than I just want to make it clear. I want them to acknowledge the fact that it was a mistake. But to them it's like, okay, well, let's just keep beating this dead horse, would you? I love being flogged. No.

[A]

No one else. How is that their experience? Right?

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Positive or motivational to them? It's really not. Especially because if we go back to our first premise, the purpose of feedback is to encourage, motivate our directs to be effective in the future. They're smart. You hired smart people. They know when they've made a mistake, they know they need to change it. We don't need to make it clear.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

That they made a mistake. Again, we already did so in step three when we told them, especially in this example, we said, you delayed others work. It's clear that that's a negative impact, which would imply it was something we'd not like to see again in the future. This approach, it makes them feel like the conversation is about the past, which is not our intent and we hope it's not yours. It's not effective. Based on our experience with managers all over the world, talking about the past is not what's going to get you a better future.

[B]

Yeah, that's exactly it. And the second thing managers say about that last question is that what you want is they then usually follow up with, okay, well, what do you want? Right, because the direct has to say no, because they didn't want that mistake. Okay, well, what do you want? But again, this is just unnecessarily extending the feedback conversation. One of the many reasons we've talked that we we recommend the manager tools feedback model and its brevity is because if you have longer conversations and you'll give less feedback, when more feedback, both positive and negative, is more effective in the long term, fewer, longer pieces of feedback are not nearly as useful as many, many more, shorter pieces of feedback. So elongating this one at the expense of the others, not a good use of your time.

[A]

Yeah, the common wisdom, which, okay, I love if it's common, is it really that wise? But okay, the common wisdom about feedback is that managers should try to understand what happened and try to fix whatever is wrong with the behavior of the direct, which is wrong for any many reasons is again, common wisdom. It's always a clue that you're going about your job in the wrong way. Another reason it's wrong is it takes too long. You don't have time to get into the details of what your direct did, why they did what they did. Every time they make a mistake. Further, that conversation, while it could highlight something, maybe isn't going to guarantee you that they'll change. Just because you talk to them about why they did what they did does not mean that they're going to use different words next time. Right. And I would suggest too, spending their brain power on thinking about the thing that they already did wrong instead of thinking about ways they could do it better in the future is the wrong approach. We should be focused on how to do it better next time rather than post game analysis on what happened last week.

[B]

I love that reference post game analysis. I love it.

[A]

Right? I mean, and thinking again about your mistake isn't the best way to consider forward progress. Exactly.

[B]

Yeah, you're absolutely right. Root cause analyses have their place, folks. They do.

[A]

Yeah, but this is not it.

[B]

This is not it. This is not it. Doing a light version of root cause analysis is in this moment is not beneficial. You're going to lose the benefit of them learning that what they did wasn't effective because you're just going to get a bunch of defensiveness and it's not a situation. I mean, if it's. What was our most recent example, they were late causing someone else to be late on a project deliverable. Any one person having a single deliverable late on a project is not worth a root cause analysis, folks. It's just not. And these things happen. And they're worthy of discussion, but they're not worthy of diagnoses.

[A]

Yeah. And again, because if we go back to the thought about being specific about behavior and not about circumstances, if you're asking what did. What happened this time, are the circumstances are going to be. Are they going to be exactly the same next time?

[B]

No, they're not.

[A]

No.

[B]

So.

[A]

So they're gonna say, oh, well, it was this or it was that. Okay, that's not the point.

[B]

How does that help?

[A]

And we'll never be in that exact situation again and all that. The other thing about it is the longer it takes, the more brutal it is for them. Hey, you're trapped in this conversation. So there's that we're talking about really driving that nail home, rubbing their face in it. There's that going back to the length thing. While we're talking about how long it takes. If every conversation was five minutes, there's also the brutality of them just getting their nose rubbed in it that whole time, as opposed to it being really quick, like, oh, hey, this thing. Let's move on. But to go all the way back to what we're here to talk about, the phrase the question is that what you want is negative. It takes too long. It violates the fundamental principles of effective feedback. We don't recommend it. All of this to say we don't recommend it.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. It was a very long way of saying, don't do that. Instead, there's the right questions in step four of the negative feedback model. Now, when directs make mistakes, and, folks, we all do, the vast majority of their mistakes are best fixed by them. Organizational theory. This is Organizational Theory 101. It teaches us that problems and mistakes should be fixed at the level at which they were created. Why? Because otherwise all of the problems created at lower levels of the lower levels of your organization would end up having to be solved at higher levels of your organization, which is super dangerous. It's a horrible system to put in place in organizations. The ultimate result is that all the problems keep floating up the chain of leadership. And if you haven't noticed, there are fewer people up there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So imagine the problems.

[A]

All of the problems.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Additionally, you can't change their word choice. You are not physically capable of editing their behaviors. So when we're talking about feedback, because feedback is about behaviors, there's mistakes, and you can't fix all those. I mean, you shouldn't escalate them by taking responsibility for them. Additionally, though, when we're talking about feedback, we're talking about behaviors, and you are not in control of their behaviors. You have no control over how big their gestures are or whether or not they roll their eyes. So accepting responsibility for that is bonkers.

[B]

Yeah, bonkers. Yes.

[A]

It doesn't make any sense. I'm trying to think of a word that is more aggressive than bonkers, and I don't have one. But I talked recently with somebody about the podcast that we put out previously about you hurt my Feelings, Chapter two, where we talk about, if they have an interpersonal conflict, two of your directs, you cannot solve it. You're not capable. You can't fix how they feel about each other, and you shouldn't be accepting responsibility. Essentially, what you're doing Is you're escalating. You're allowing escalation of things that do not deserve escalation.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

They missed a deadline. Okay. Does that need to be escalated every time? Likely? No.

[B]

No. Can you imagine if all those were escalated? Just imagine the amount of work within that.

[A]

It's actually too scary. That makes me want to take a nap.

[B]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. So this is, folks, this is why we recommend a shorter, simpler, more trusting approach to negative feedback. The manager tools feedback model recommends that when you give negative feedback, you simply end by asking the direct, can you change that or can you work on that, or can you do that differently or can you do that better? Just an acknowledgement. Will you acknowledge that you can try a different approach next time? That's essentially all it's asking for.

[A]

Yeah. And inherent in that is some trust.

[B]

That they're capable of that and they're willing to try.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And that's all we can ask.

[A]

Do you want to again give me feedback with the new question?

[B]

Okay. Yeah, sure. So, Kate, can I share some feedback with you?

[A]

Yes, sure.

[B]

When you miss a deliverable, it slows us down because others can't start their work that's dependent on this deliverable. Can you work on that?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

There you go. See, now conversation's over. It feels over, right? Like you're like, okay, yeah, yeah, we don't have to dialogue this. More conversation done. Whereas in the previous example, you're like, you gotta keep saying stuff.

[A]

You could extend it a tiny bit. You could respond to their final yes by saying thank you. Yeah, that would be fine. The conversation ends then with some of our favorite words. Yes. And thank you. Nice. Pleasant.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Positive.

[B]

Positive. Exactly. Exactly. Yes.

[A]

Hopefully you've heard this exchange. You've compared it to the previous one, and your experience is, oh, that's better. It's crisper, smoother. First, it's shorter. So there's. That Anybody can see and feel, hey, this is over. This conversation's done. The shortness of the exchange highlights the inherent simplicity and lack of importance of the situation. In the vast scheme of things. We're not going to have a long conversation about something that we can have a short conversation about. Neither us as managers nor our directs have time for longer rather than shorter conversations when shorter conversations will suffice. As I mentioned earlier, we don't want to be rubbing their nose in this. We do want to send a message that this is not a big deal because it's a simple mistake. We all make them and let's move on. Nothing to see here. It helps us focus on the future. It decreases the direct's likelihood of becoming defensive or. Or fearful of a significant conversation. Which is the other route that gets taken a lot.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And I really do believe that in the day to day scheme of things, the tiny behaviors that are happening are at this level of conversation. Yeah. These are small, tiny things that are happening every single day.

[B]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[A]

It doesn't need to be a significant conversation.

[B]

It doesn't. It does. You don't have time to have a significant conversation every single time. You just don't. And if you feel like you do, guess what you'll do? Have fewer conversations overall. So first, first, it's shorter. But second, the manager tools feedback model's recommendation implies that the manager believes the direct capable of working on their own, which shows trust and encouragement. This conversation is not about what went wrong. It's about the manager asking for different behaviors next time. It shows the manager trusts them. Trusts them capable of figuring out what a different and possibly better solution would, might be. Might be. And shows that they trust that their direct can figure out how. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's not fancy, but it works.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The right questions in step four of the manager trolls feedback model are based on the core principles of trust, respect, encouragement and asking. Is that what you want? Violates all of them.

[B]

Yeah, it does.

[A]

It's not going to get you what you want.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Awesome. Thanks, Kate.

[A]

Thanks, Sarah. Have a good week, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Bye, everyone.

[B]

Sam.