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- [00:00]
A
Welcome to Manager Tools. This is Sarah and I'm Mark. And today's podcast is the love speech.
- [00:08]
B
Part 1 of 1 this cast answers these questions, what the heck is the Love Speech? Why does love matter in management? And what can I do to not just manage, but also to lead?
- [00:23]
A
If you want answers to these questions and more, keep listening. Tired of the interview guesswork? Connect with fellow managers at the Effective Hiring Manager conference and gain a complete, repeatable interview system. Learn to structure questions, listen effectively and capture results, making interviewing your most strategic behavior. This means you'll hire better and faster. Sign up today@manager-tools.com training when we first started delivering our Effective Manager conferences, Mark, what year was that?
- [00:59]
B
Oh, 2007.
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A
Okay, so in 2007, Mark ended the conference day with giving what has been come to in terms of manager tool speak known as the Love Speech. We don't do it that much anymore, although rarely. We'll get a really, really good group, like a tight knit group. And we will still do it, but it's, it's rarer and we periodically get requests for it to this day. You can also, if you're interested in finding it, find it at the end of the Effective Manager book for two editions. The Effective Manager Book one Effective Manager Version two. And it is written at the end of those two books, but we thought it might be appropriate for you to hear it as well. And now it'll be captured for everybody in our community, every. And it will be a great lesson for those of you that haven't heard it about how important it is to care about those that you lead to be a truly great manager and to infuse our Manager Tools management with love.
- [02:04]
B
Yeah, so this is a pretty unusual cast because we only have two bullets in the outline. The history and meaning of the Love speech and the speech itself. And typically when you and I record Sarah, we go back and forth on paragraphs, but in this case I think since I'm the one that gave the speech, I think I'll let you go ahead. I'm sure you'll agree you'll cover the first part about the history and the meaning and then I'll just give the speech.
- [02:34]
A
Yeah, I like it. I like it. And folks, I just, I think this is such a perfect time. I don't know, Mark, if this is what existed in your head while you were writing it, but we are on the heels of our 20th anniversary M conference and I gotta tell you, there was a lot of love going around. It was great. It was a wonderful event.
- [02:53]
B
Yep.
- [02:53]
A
A meeting of manager tools community members. And excitedly, October 6th and 7th, we've already got loaded on our website for sale. October 6th and 7th, 2026, I should say the very next M conference. So we're pretty excited about here, excited over here about the community and this group of individuals who, who share what I think of as core to our leadership. So, folks, the history, the meaning of our love speech. When we started delivering our effective manager public conferences.
- [03:27]
B
Yeah, public.
- [03:28]
A
Yeah, public, exactly. As opposed to being on site with a client, we load up an event we hosted at a hotel and anyone from anywhere can register. It was different than to that point, what Mark had been doing at his previous firm, Horstman and Company, in that those previous engagements were exclusively for clients. You go to an organization, you work with a group of their managers and professionals, and with clients, there was an engagement beforehand and a need to customize and to tailor the training for the client's culture, for the type of work that they did, et cetera. In many cases, a good part of the training was spent explaining how the data would be gathered as the managers rolled out and implemented the tools that we were teaching. So it's a little bit more, this is probably weird to say it, a little more admin heavy.
- [04:25]
B
There was some housekeeping. Yeah, yeah, they were. I mean, the reason Manager tools guidance after I sold my first company and retired. The reason why we think it has a lot of traction is partially because it's specific and actionable and partially because we have a pile of data. Over 975,000 managers worldwide contributed to the database in terms of we actually studied them using the tools. My classic example of that is the number of managers who always said, I want to do monthly one on ones. And so we tested it, but we only tested it three times because at some point there's an ethical problem with asking working managers, you know, making money for their family, food on the table, roof over their heads, clothes on their kids, to do something that the data is uniformly saying, this is worse than doing nothing at all. It was a combination of, hey, do this, this is the training. And also we're going to be watching you, we're going to be asking you questions and so on. So it was more administrative. It would have been really hard in part because we were working for a client and those managers were part of the client, rather than what we do now is focus on individuals.
- [05:43]
A
Yeah, absolutely. That's a really, really good point. It depends what the intent of the training is and the intent, if you will, of the Training really changed when we started doing public conferences with manager tools, public events. We had connected with individual managers. There's no client to deal with. We're not working for someone, anyone other than the person who's sitting in the room with us that day. And because of that, we believe that great managing had a soul, an emotional, ethical soul. What I referred to earlier as like this core of just goodness. So on top of what is actionable, what is specific, what is behavioral guidance that we are teaching. We, in addition, wanted to address the ethical and human underpinnings of. Of the trinity behaviors themselves. And so we ended up finishing our trainings. Mark, did it happen naturally, the first one?
- [06:44]
B
Yes, it did. Mike was there and he said. He said, where did that come from? I said, well, we're talking to individuals who have a relationship with us. Client managers didn't really have relationship with hr. Some VP would hire us and a bunch of managers, essentially everybody I trained for 20 years, were all in one form or another, some form of hostage, right? Yeah, but these people knew us. I mean, you weren't there, but Mike and I were there at the very first Manager Tools conference. We needed to create a revenue model. So we did a public conference in Dulles at Dulles Airport. And we had over a hundred people.
- [07:18]
A
Because people had been listening for years to you. You guys talk.
- [07:21]
B
Yes. Two years. And it was like a homecoming. Everybody wanted to meet all the other. They called them management nerds who had been listening. And there were forums and there were email addresses exchanged, but very few people knew each other other than if a manager brought her direct reports, who were also managers. And it was. It was a love fest itself. I mean, we were up. I think I was up till two or three in the morning between the first and second day. Because, in fact, in the beginning, it was two days long with a cocktail party at the end of the first day, which was very bad on my voice. And I just was up there and I said, you know, telling Mike this is. I mean, these people really want to learn. We have a. Demanding is the wrong word, a demanding audience. No, we have an audience who really believes in this stuff, and they believe that we can help them. We cannot not do this and do this well. And I just thought I should tell them that there's an engine of all this stuff, that it's not just data. We want to speak to you if you want data, because we have that. But there's an engine to this that makes it ethical. I don't know that most people would say Management can be soulful, but I believe if you put your soul into it, then it's soulful by definition. And Mike was just gobsmacked. He could not. He says. What said, well, I just thought I'd speak to him as people, not as managers, not as customers. And he says that's the best thing. It wasn't even the agenda. And that was the best part of the day.
- [08:52]
A
That's cool. Okay, so folks, it happened, obviously, as you've just heard. Naturally, it just, it fell out of mark and it then took hold in a way that it became mainstay.
- [09:05]
B
Yes.
- [09:06]
A
In terms of how we ended our effective manager events, we finished each training with a reminder that great things are only achieved with love. And folks, by love, we mean human love. And if you've been listening for any length of time, you know, we've got podcasts. You can't be friends with your directs. We're not talking about strong personal connections. We're not talking about, like, you and they need to, like, hang out every weekend. That's not what we're talking about. What we're talking about when we say human love is a deep respect for other people and a willingness to risk yourself for the benefit of others. And we felt, as busy managers, as busy as managers are, that managers needed not only the behaviors, one on ones, feedback, coaching, and delegation. They didn't need just the behaviors, but also an engine to fight through those times when it seems like the chips are down and the learning is slow and the lack of others in an organization doing something different exists.
- [10:12]
B
In fact, we just had this at the M conference. We talked about this. I think on the, on the flight home, somebody said something about it, maybe to you, maybe I can't remember who it was, that when they come to the IMP conference, they realize they are not an island. They're not the only person that. Because they go back to their organization and maybe they've tried to get some other people engaging in the right behaviors and they haven't for whatever reason. And I tell them all the time, when the student is ready, the teacher appears, they're not ready, he not going to persuade them. You're not going to convince them. You know, just keep doing what you're doing until they start asking questions and coming to the IMP conference. In fact, one person said, I dislike my job so much, I come here every year to get enough juice to last another year.
- [11:02]
A
Yeah, sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes you do. I'm. I'm sure there's many people listening to this. Podcast, you feel an island. You are trying to, to, to advocate for the right behaviors because you know what they are. You're trying to encourage other people in your organization to do those right things because it will help them and it'll help other people. And sometimes it's a slog. It's like running an oatmeal is the analogy we sometimes use. It's not easy.
- [11:32]
B
It is safer to do what everybody else is doing and it's soulless and you'll hate it. And then you're the reason why there's a TV show like the Office or, or there is a cartoon strip called Dilbert in which the pointy haired boss is stupid and evil.
- [11:48]
A
Exactly, exactly. And so because we know it's hard, we know it's not easy, it's a grind. Many of the days we put together some basic thoughts with simple but important words to motivate our community's managers. We wanted to inspire them to not just change their manager behaviors, but, but to also have them want to become better leaders of other people. And we wanted to address the heart and soul of working with other people beyond just the behavioral. And so the love speech was born.
- [12:26]
B
Yeah. So we would do at the end of the training, whether it was two days in the beginning there for I think a year, and then we cut it to one day and I think we lowered the price as well, but I don't remember. So at the end of the day, usually during the parking lot, if there was a minute or two left because it was all me at the very beginning, 20 years ago, I would get up and I say, hey, listen guys. And by the way, I'm going to say something else that's probably over the heads or in the past of a lot of people who are listening. There was a TV show when I was a kid called Hill Street Blues. Hill Street Blues is probably most well known for being one of the many TV shows that had Mike Post as the composer of its theme song, Magnum PI And Rockford Files and Great American Hero. And if you watch some of it, if you watch Hill Street Blues, you'll probably go, wow, this is slow. Because that's how TV was in the 1970s. Miami Vice was considered cutting edge. And you watch it now, it's like watching paint dry. And on Hill Street Blues, it always started the cold. Doping always started with an actor. I think his name is Phil Esterhass. He's a old gruff guy as a sergeant and he's briefing all of his people before they go on shift. And he would say, we got this going on, we got that going on. Watch out for this. We have a string of robberies in uptown or whatever. And then at the very end, he'd point his finger at him and say, and let's be careful out there. That was his sign off. And then they would cut to the start of the theme song and the garage door opening and all the cop cars streaming out into the street. It was very touching. I get goosebumps thinking about it. It's really a great, great opening. And that's kind of what I had in mind when I started talking. Okay, we put all this stuff into you. Now the door's going to open and you're going to go out into the world and you're going to start trying to change how you manage. And I just tried to send a message of, hey, we care about you and you should care about others. And there's a right way to do this that goes beyond behavior. So I would say, okay, guys, hey, look, before you go, I want to say something completely different than the behavioral guidance we've been giving in specific and actionable and so on. I hope it comes across today, came across today that the manager tools. Manager, somebody who uses our tools is an ethical person and so therefore an ethical manager. She puts her family first professionally. She is dedicated to her organization's success. She chooses the harder right instead of the easier wrong. She knows that results matter above all else, but the best roads to results are built by well managed professionals. She knows in the end that it's all about people and more communication is better. I've given you a lot of detailed, actionable guidance today to help you start using the manager tools. Trinity and we had some other interesting conversations as you guys brought up edge cases and different scenarios and I hope I was helpful there. We shared all this stuff because we know it works and because it's teachable. And in all the details and recommendations that we have made to you, we hope that in getting that specific we haven't obscured what the engine of your greatness as a manager can be and frankly should be. And that is love. If you want to be a great manager, not just a good manager. And it's not that hard to be a good manager. All you have to do is be better than everybody else. And that's not a very high bar. If you want to be a great manager, implement our recommendations with love. Now what we mean by that is professional love, I think what the Greeks would call agape, which is sort of a different version of brotherly love. And it's basically the willingness to risk yourself for the benefit of someone else. It means doing something that may be a little more difficult for you as a way of showing respect for your colleagues in your organization. You can be demanding, and you should be demanding, but also do so with showing respect for your team. You don't have to withhold positive feedback to motivate high performance. Don't be afraid to thank people just for doing their job. Don't believe the cynics who say you can't show appreciation around here because your directs will just ask you for a raise. That's not so. The cynics are wrong, frankly. Over our careers, we've learned that people are mostly good and they want to be good. It's bad managers that make them cynical. Put somebody above them who doesn't know what he or she is doing, doesn't understand the fundamental principles, doesn't know how to teach it, and give them role power and you'll create cynicism, mistrust, inefficiency and poor performance. But the fact is, managing is not all about numbers. Managing is about people. And good people want ethical, honest, caring bosses. So be good. You can give negative feedback with love in your heart. You can deliver tough messages with kindness. You don't have to be mean. You don't have to be short or disrespectful to challenge people. You don't have to be brusque or rude. You don't have to act like the boss. Nor do you have to skip or sugarcoat the hard messages that our duty requires us to deliver. Be direct and be kind. When you do it, that takes love. It takes love to think through how you're going to do that. And love is a good thing, perhaps the best of things. If you're going to get in trouble, wouldn't you rather it b for doing the right thing, for the right reason, with the best of intentions? Don't give in to the common wisdom. Wisdom isn't common today. Part of why management isn't held up in a noble way, and it should be, but it's not, is because nobody's been teaching us how. And it's also because we've gotten away from loving our colleagues and team members. But it doesn't have to be that way. It's a choice you get to make every day. Choose the harder right, the loving one, rather than the easier wrong, the cynical one. Love is the engine to help you get there. We are hopeful. We have shown you that it isn't that complicated. To be a good manager, the rules are pretty straightforward. We laid them out today. There's nothing difficult to understand. It takes discipline and it takes love.
- [19:44]
A
Yeah. And there you have it, folks, the love speech. Thank you, Mark. I learned how to do this job. I became a presenter and say I learned in 2015. I think January 2015 is when I started presenting. And we were still doing it then. I mean, I still did it for the first two or three years. And I still. I think I mentioned this. I still do it once in a while, occasionally if there's a certain kind of magic happening in the room.
- [20:15]
B
I was kind of hoping we'd come back a little bit or me and you and Amanda and Kate would put in a good word for love.
- [20:23]
A
Yeah. And we still can. Are you looking to empower your team with proven management guidance at Scale Manager Tools offers corporate and bulk licensing solutions that provide employees with the essential tools and a shared language for effective execution. Learn more about how Manager Tools can support your team with our licensing solutions by emailing us at customerserviceanager-tools.com all right, folks, we want to leave you by reminding you that the behaviors that make for great managers are driven by love for our directs and colleagues. And it's not popular to say these things, but in our hearts know that that's true. Risk yourself for the benefit of other people, and they will see in you a person they want to emulate. If you treat other people well, they will treat other people well as well. Do all of the managerial behaviors you do with love. Because something I say, and too many times I think I said this to Pierre at the recent M conference because he's struggling with a team of individuals that maybe had some bad experiences with bosses. And I think we actually have a podcast about this. I cannot remember its name. You might remember it, though, Mark. Every person that you manage will have been managed by somebody else.
- [21:53]
B
I think it's the previous boss rule.
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A
Is it the previous boss rule? Yeah. Yeah. And what that means, unfortunately, for many of us, is picking up the pieces of a broken team because they're untrusting, because they're suspicious.
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B
Why wouldn't they be?
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A
Yeah. Again, Pierre and I were talking and I said, and because I say this oftentimes at the effective manager conference, if they're defending themselves, it's because they're a human being. We're people. And at the core of being a person, you're an animal. So it's much safer to assume everyone's a lion. When you go about your daily life. If I assume you're a lion, you can't hurt me, dude, I think you're a lion. So we kind of, we go in with this guard up, we go in with this defensiveness and people have gotten a guard that they've developed by being managed by other people before you. And you may have to spend time and energy breaking that guard down. Don't add to it. Don't make the next person's job even harder. Yeah, don't make it more difficult for that person to be successful in their career.
- [23:01]
B
Yep, that's great. It only took us 20 years to put this into a podcast.
- [23:07]
A
Yeah, exactly. It was a really, really good one. So thank you. All right, folks, that is it. We hope that this has helped you. Now help us help others. Tell your friends and of course follow rate and review our podcast. And remember, five stars only. Please.