Gemma Spag (0:00)

Foreign this is Open Mind. Welcome to a brand new week. Here is your Mantra I Allow Myself to be celebrated. I'm your host, Gemma Spag, and I'm here to guide you toward a more centered and fulfilling life. Each week I'll share personal stories and insights that are focused on a specific mantra, plus journal prompts and a weekly challenge for all of us to help put it into action. Think of Mantra as your mental reset button, a way to stay centered as you juggle work, school, family and whatever else life throws at you. Each mantra is a simple, powerful phrase you can repeat to refocus your thoughts and bring a little bit of calm into your day. It's a small tool with a big impact, clearing your mind, lifting your mood, and rooting you in the present. If you've listened to my other show, the psychology of your 20s, you know I'm all about those little nuggets of insight that make a huge impact. So whether you're looking for some extra inspiration or you're trying to ground yourself amidst the chaos, you have come to the right place. At OpenMind, we value your support. Share your thoughts on social media and remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover the show. For more exclusive content, monthly bonus episodes, early access and ad free listening, join our Open Mind plus community on Apple Podcasts. This week I'll catch you up on what's been going on in my life and then we'll dive into today's Mantra I allow myself to be celebrated. This invites you to honor your unique journey and just embrace the fullness of your worth. Recognizing that celebrating yourself is an essential act of self, love and empowerment and allowing yourself to be celebrated means just the same. Stick around. We'll be right back after this short pause. 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We are going to get into this week's mantra in just a few. But before we do, it is time for my highs, lows and who knows? It's a low this week, guys. It's a big low. Winter in Australia has officially struck. Now, if you're not in Australia, you might be thinking, do they really experience winter, winter down there? Like, is that really a thing? Isn't it meant to be sunny all the time? Oh my goodness, yes, we do. And because it's normally so beautiful and crisp and sunny, it is such a 180 and it hits us like a ton of bricks. And every single year I'm like, no, I'm, I'm gonna be fine. I'm prepared. I'm gonna be cozy. I'm gonna get some ugg boots, I'm gonna get like a new jumper. I don't know, trying to romanticize the experience. And every single year when the sun sets before 5 I im life is terrible and miserable and I'm so sad. So I'm currently in that phase at the moment. And it's so interesting because I've just been so grumpy about everything else in my life recently and I kind of had to pull myself up on it recently and just say it's probably weather related. It's probably the fact that it has not stopped raining. It is so dreary. It is so cold and dark and miserable. And that just bleeds into everything else, doesn't it? So if you have any advice on dealing with the grand old Seasonal Affective Disorder or the winter blues, please let me know in the comments. Especially if you are from somewhere that is notoriously cold. I'm talking like Canada. I'm talking the Arctic. Anywhere where it gets like below zero. What are you guys doing? Because maybe I can take that and use that for my above zero winter that I'm endlessly complaining about. Okay, let's move on from me having a little whinge about how cold I am in Australia and get into this week's mantra. I allow myself to be celebrated. I had this realization the other day. One of my closest friends just got engaged. Congratulations to you, Sarah. And she told us when we were out for dinner and it was this amazing moment and we all like squealed and cried and like, my stomach hurt. I was so happy for her. We are so quick to celebrate those we love and we care about. It is literally one of my favorite things to do, and I'm sure it is for you as well. But the moment the spotlight is on us, we forget how we felt about someone else's happy moment and how excited we were to celebrate them and we shrink away. We feel embarrassed. We think we're taking up too much space. Why is that? You know, as someone who has overcome this and now sees celebrations as a way to create community and bring people together and to invite people in, I kind of want to reveal what I discovered in that journey that I took in. That kind of natural progression for me from cringing and hiding away from being celebrated to it being something that shows up in my really in my daily life. So when someone genuinely acknowledges our accomplishments or just our very existence and the fact that alone is sometimes something that deserves to be celebrated, often our first instinct is to firstly, a dismiss B self deprecate, C avoid eye contact, physically shy away, and then D move on and move away as swiftly as possible. It's like an instinct. People try and sing you happy birthday, you beg them not to. Someone sends around a staff email congratulating you for your promotion and you work from home the next day. You know, a friend simply gives you a compliment. There's this idea that to agree with them or to open yourself up to this love would mean you weren't humble Enough to accept it in the first place. I think the first reason we cringe from celebration is because it is drilled into us to be humble, to be gracious, and anything that is big and bold definitely doesn't feel that way. That's the first explanation I've come to expect or understand. Perhaps it's actually kind of protective against some kind of anticipated character assassination that we think is going to come about if we're too much. There's also this deeper layer of conditioning. You know, many of us, especially women, were raised to associate humility with self enhancement. If you want to be likable, don't brag, don't acknowledge that you're beautiful or that you're smart or that you're accomplished. Don't take up too much space, don't shine too brightly. So when someone lifts us up, there's this ingrained instinct to step back down to prove that we are very grounded, modest, normal, whatever that means. And you still see it today on social media. Anytime I see a woman, specifically a woman normally online, being celebrated or saying, I did this really cool thing immediately in the comments, there's going to be some person being like, well, that's not really that special, is it? That's not really that amazing. We'll fix this about yourself, then do this. And we naturally react against that. We take it as a learning experience. And the next time we want to be loud about our celebrations, we aren't. It's definitely something I've noticed in my female friends. They are much more coy about the big moments in their life compared to some of my male friends. And it's not to say that my male friends are egotistical at all, just that perhaps there is moral acceptance around their bravado, which I think we should all be allowed to have at times. That's so wrong with bravado, you know, let me just be clear. It is not a crime. In fact, it is not even morally bad at all to feel proud of yourself and to want to share that and to want to be celebrated, to invite celebration. Perhaps we also worry that if we get too accustomed to doing this, like we're going to turn into these arrogant monsters. It's so rare, it's so unusual for that to occur. You know, the fact that you are also already aware of that possibility, that awareness, that self checking voice, that desire to stay grounded, it's already in you and it will still be in you when the attention grows. So you're going to carry that humility with you. It's part of your character. You don't have to worry about the moment that this arrogant monster rears its head. It's like saying, I can't drink a glass of water because what if one day I drown? I can't celebrate myself because what if one day I can't stop and I become too arrogant? You know, you're preparing for an outcome that's extremely unlikely and denying yourself in the process. Another element of this. Perhaps you're scared of what others will say, the people who may come out of the woodwork and shame you for celebrating yourself. But I'm going to say something that people may not like here. The people who will do that, they just don't have anything to celebrate about themselves, honestly. Maybe they also have no one to celebrate things with. I know it sounds harsh, but I really believe this. Negative feelings about others, particularly others success, other celebrations are always a projection and a reflection of our own insecurities and what we lack. We also know that being celebrated inherently means being seen. Right? You know, it requires public acknowledgement, not just on a surface level, but really quite deeply. And for a lot of people, especially if you're in your 20s or early in your life, when our identity is still really forming, that visibility can be uncomfortable. It can feel like vulnerability, like being exposed. Because if people are able to see the good in us, what if they also see the parts that we don't like? That's a big fear. What happens when they see the things we're trying to hide and when we stop meeting their expectations when the celebration runs out? What if they expect more than we can give them next time? What does that sound like? It sounds a lot like imposter syndrome. We talk about this a lot on the podcast. If you carry around this very quiet belief that you didn't really earn the recognition you're receiving, you know that your success was luck, timing, good branding. You're very good at faking it. Then. Being celebrated doesn't feel affirming. It feels actually kind of dangerous. It feels like a setup. Like someone is going to find out that you're not as brilliant or capable or talented as they think you are. And that means that even as you may secretly feel very thrilled that you're being celebrated, you are also terrified because the gig could be up. They could figure it out. This is an opportunity for them to really see you. So better to just be quiet about it, silent about it. Don't bring any attention to yourself. I think this also has a large relationship to our self worth, specifically from how we were treated as children and teenagers. And I know a lot of people talk about this, and you may dismiss it, but it truly is so important. Our early child and teen experiences are foundational. If as a kid or teenager, your worth was tied to performance or to how well you behaved or how little you needed to be seen, then being celebrated as an adult just might not feel like something you're entitled to. It might feel like something you have to earn. You can't have any flaws. You have to constantly be working and proving that you deserve it. And if you don't, well, then you have this thing that you now are scared to lose. Being celebrated does feel really nice. Perhaps there's a part of you that doesn't want to get used to that nice feeling. Because what if one day you don't have enough people in your life to celebrate you? What if one day you're not doing enough or being significant enough or successful enough to be celebrated, but you've gotten addicted to the feeling? It's almost this future anticipation or protective mechanism to keep us humble, to keep us small, and to keep us from being hurt. But when you actually allow yourself to be celebrated and you fight against that ingrained instinct, so many beautiful things happen. Firstly, you invite love in, which is just an incredible experience in itself. You also invite and create community. People love a celebration. They love a wedding, they love a birthday party, they love a graduation. They love promotion drinks. Sometimes all we have these days is those big events, especially as we get older and it becomes harder to make friends as an adult. Sometimes these big moments are what people really hold out for. And so by allowing yourself to be celebrated, you are actually offering other people a gift or a service of allowing them to connect. Especially if it's the right people. Right? Because being around people whose answer to a celebration will always be hell yeah. Like, that's a great way to feel like it's not just acceptable. It's incredible. So how do we find these people? And what kind of transformation does that really allow for? We are going to talk about all of that and so much more in just a second after this quick pause. So stay tuned. We'll be right back. Did you know that gum disease has been strongly linked to cardiovascular issues like stroke and heart attacks at Smile Generation? Oral health is treated like what it really is, the gateway to your entire body. The mouth is literally the unsung hero of your overall health. When you take care of it, you improve your entire well being. Prevention and early detection often starts with oral exams, which can help diagnose health risks early. Luckily, Smile Generation has you covered. Right now, Smile Generation is offering a $59 new patient special that's a comprehensive exam, cleaning and X rays at a value of $290 for just a $59. This offer is for new patients only. 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There's one spot I have in mind for a girls trip and another one that I think I'm going to book out for some serious me time. So if you have been craving a reset, here is a mini mantra for you. I give myself permission to unwind. And if that resonates, make sure to visit resortpass.com mantra and use my code mantra20 for 20 off your first booking. Now that we've looked at the meaning behind today's mantra, I allow myself to be celebrated. It's time to get personal with you guys and share some of my own insights and reflections about this phrase. So recently there's been a lot of stuff going on in my life that has invited celebration. I recently published a book. I recently bought a house. I recently bought a dog. I don't know if that one requires celebrating, but it's definitely something that has been. And what that's meant is that there have been a lot more opportunities for me to kind of, I don't want to say be in the spotlight, but be the center of attention. And it's been this strange experience where half of me has really enjoyed it because I think we all secretly want to be the center of attention sometimes, even if another part of us really doesn't. So part of me has really enjoyed it, and the other part of me has been very Very embarrassed and awkward about it because you just feel like you're under a little bit of scrutiny. Even like amongst family and close friends. You just feel like, oh wow, everyone can see me and is looking at me and is thinking about me. And as much as you kind of want that attention, there's also an equal part of you that's like, that's not particularly fun. What happens when they see something they don't like? Hopefully they're only saying good things. What if there's bad? And also what if there's someone out there who doesn't think that I deserve to make this much of a fuss? It just kind of happened that I ended up having a lot of like birthday celebrations. Super random. It just kind of was the way it was. You know, I had family in town, so I did something with them. Then, you know, I wasn't doing anything on the day. So a bunch of my friends were like invited a bunch of people to the pub. And then my actual celebration was like the weekend afterwards. It just kind of ended up being that way. That the birthday lasted a couple of weeks, not much in between, but you know, three distinct things. And I remember someone saying to me, you just love being the center of attention. Essentially. This person was trying to make me feel bad for it and they were successful. I felt really awkward about it. And so the next two years I didn't do anything. And anytime someone brought up any of those events, I would immediately be on the defensive and be like, oh yeah, like classic me needing to have three birthday parties. Haha. Like, don't tease me before I get the opportunity to tease myself and make myself appeal humble and, you know, not be judged by you. It's been so different recently. I'm comparing that experience to the experiences I've had as of late. I had a huge book launch party with my closest friends and family. And although I still felt awkward, not one person made me feel uncomfortable about the fact that I was inviting celebration. Not a single person made me feel like I didn't deserve my cake and I didn't deserve my flowers. And it's been a huge difference to see how actually the people around you influence your decision to be celebrated. I think perhaps the key to allowing yourself to be celebrated is also initiating that celebration of others as well. Not just because you think they'll turn around and do the same for you, but because you are kind of creating the emotional environment that you want to enjoy and that you see as important. It's also a vulnerable act. Right. And Brene Brown she always says, this connection thrives on vulnerability. Vulnerability is the elixir to everything we've been asking for when it comes to strong, lasting relationships. But sometimes you have to be the first to be vulnerable. To make vulnerability the norm, you have to be the first to invite celebration, for celebration of others to become normalized. Let's talk about that point I made before. We all have that little secret desire to be seen and for our successes to feel as big to others as they do ourselves. Why don't we just ask to be celebrated? It feels like we cannot ask for this. And perhaps this is the point where you are drawing the line and thinking, oh, maybe we've gone too far here. I'm okay with other people celebrating me, but I'm not going to invite it. Something I've learned the older I've gotten is that you make yourself miserable. Not asking for what you want. Making yourself smaller might feel like you're protecting others, but really all you're doing is just putting that discomfort back onto yourself. And that's the thing with asking to be celebrated. Maybe people won't think you're humble. Maybe people will think you're putting too much praise on yourself. Who freaking cares? Because the right people want to do it. Once you've asked for something, you'll see who's going to be willing to reciprocate that ask. But also you'll be able to see that you're going to get so much more enjoyment and satisfaction. Satisfaction out of just requesting and receiving what you wanted, then silently waiting and being disappointed when you don't. Genuinely. I was having this discussion with my partner the other day, and it's a bit far off, but about, like, an engagement, about us getting engaged. And I was straight up to him. Like, if there is not a party after this, after we get engaged, I'm not coming to the engagement. Like, this is what I expect and this is what I want. Like, I want there to be the situation afterwards where you and I as a couple are being celebrated, not just by my family, my friends, but your family and your friends as well. Like, that is part of how I imagined this. And I'm gonna request it because I know that if this didn't happen, it's not that I wouldn't. I would be disappointed. But I know I have this idea in my mind and that this is something that I care about. There's no shame in just saying, hey, I'm having a birthday party next week. Show up for me. Hey, I just got promoted. Do you want to Go out for dinner. Hey, I'm doing this thing. It's cool. And I'm excited about this show up for me. And I really do think that the right people will reflecting on these moments, it's really just reminding me how layered this mantra really is. You know, how much tenderness there is in letting ourselves be seen and really honored without deflection. And with that in mind, I would love to share our deep thought of the day. Let people see the truth of who you are and let that be reason enough to celebrate. I love this quote. At its core, it's really saying you don't need to perform for praise. You don't need to prove yourself to be celebrated. You just need to let yourself be seen honestly, openly, imperfectly, and in doing so, trust that who you are beneath all the layers of striving and self protection, that is already enough. That's your truth. That's what people love and acknowledge about you. So often. We think celebration is something that we have to earn by being impressive and perfect and polished. This quote really flips that on its head. It just says, be yourself, invite celebration. Let others witness you fully. That is enough. That is enough. That's all you need to do. I find that quote quite liberating, to be honest. Now I'd like us to take a few moments to pause and really sit with this mantra. In just a moment, you'll hear a music track created to help you make space to absorb today's insights and consider how you might bring this mantra into your week, maybe even beyond. And if this practice isn't your style, if it doesn't resonate with you, that's totally okay. Feel free to Skip ahead about 30 seconds. Seconds. But as you settle in, keep our mantra in mind. I allow myself to be celebrated. Let it guide your thoughts as the music plays, and give yourself a moment to really reflect and connect with what this mantra means for you. Beautiful. Coming up, we're going to take all of that insight and turn it into something tangible. I'll share some journal prompts in our weekly challenge, so stick around for more after this quick break. I feel like something that not many of us think about is the toothpaste that we're using. But toothpaste is something that we use every single day. It's something that typically contains a lot of chemicals and artificial junk. But recently I have switched to bokeh and it has changed my life. Not only do they have really nice flavors, they have this flavor. Flavor called element, that's my favorite. But also cocoa, ginger. I know it sounds strange, but it has this like perfect hint of warmth and freshness that you need to try. I also love how mindful they are about their ingredients. And their secret ingredient is actually something called Nano Hydroxy Appetite or nha. Now NHA was initially used by astronauts in space as a way to rebuild their enamel and keep their teeth clean without the use of fluoride. So for for a limited time, Bokeh is actually offering you guys, my listeners, 15% off its best selling toothpaste on Amazon and bokeh.com with code mantra15. That's mantra15. Make the switch to Bokeh for the whole family Get Smoother, Brighter skin Instantly in one easy step, Dermalogica's Daily Microfoliant gives you the smooth, glowy skin you want without damaging your skin barrier Barrier. This gentle exfoliating powder activates with water to smooth out rough texture and brighten skin. It's powerful enough to deliver results, yet gentle enough to use every single day, even on sensitive skin. See the results for yourself, visit dermalogica.com and use code smooth at cart for an exclusive free gift with $65 purchase. Welcome back. Let's dive into how you can bring this week's mantra into your real everyday life, starting with a simple but powerful journal. Practice. And if you don't have your journal nearby, I know for some of you, journaling isn't really your thing. That's okay. Just take a moment to reflect on these wherever you are. If you're making your morning coffee, if you're commuting, if you're walking, you can just think about it. Here are a few prompts to really help you connect more deeply with this week's Mantra. I Allow Myself to be celebrated. First, what emotions come up for you when someone compliments or acknowledges your success? Where do you feel this in your body? Do you find that you receive it fully or do you deflect? Next, have you ever downplayed your success to make someone else feel more comfortable? What did that moment teach you about your own relationship? With pride. And finally, what would it look like to celebrate yourself without needing a milestone, event or external reason to do so? Can you imagine doing that for yourself today? Every week, I also like to share a challenge inspired by our mantra to help you take what we discuss and turn it into real, actionable steps in your life, And I'd love to hear how it's going. You can reach out to me at Mantra Open Mind each month. I also love to respond to your questions and comments in Our special bonus episode that's available exclusively on Open Mind plus, so please get in touch. But this week, I want you to accept compliments without deflecting. When someone compliments you this week, don't brush it off, don't return the compliment or make a joke. Just say thank you. Let it land. Let it stay with you. An additional layer of this I want you to also compliment other people, strangers, friends, co workers, without necessarily thinking you're going to receive anything in return. Remember, if we allow ourselves to be celebrated, we have to allow ourselves to celebrate others and create that environment. And as a reminder, you can reach out to me again at Mantra openmind just to share how this weekly challenge is going for you. Alrighty. As we wrap up this week's episode, I want to share a few final thoughts about this Mantra I allow myself to be celebrated. Guys, your life will totally change. You will notice that community around you changes your attitude towards your accomplishments and to being loud and seen will also change when you invite celebration instead of showing shrinking from it. I'm going to say this one more time. I think it's the thing that really sticks with me from this episode. People want to celebrate you. People want an excuse to show up for those they love, perhaps even selfishly. People want to get out of the house. Give them that opportunity. So as you move through this week, remember, allowing yourself to be celebrated, it isn't vanity. It's actually quite healing feeling you know you are worthy of recognition not just for what you've achieved, but for who you are. So take up space. Let the light land on you. And when it does, allow yourself to receive it fully because you deserve every single bit of it. Thank you for joining Mantra, an exclusive Open Mind original powered by Pave Studios at Open Mind, we value your support. So share your thoughts on social media and remember to to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover the show. For ad free listening and early access to Mantra with me, Jemma Speg. We invite you to subscribe to Open Mind plus on Apple Podcasts. I'll share another insightful and introspective Mantra with you next Monday. Until then, keep showing up for yourself and your journey. I'm Gemma Spaeg. See you next week. Mantra is hosted by me, Jemma Speg. It is an open Mind original powered by Pain Story Studios. This episode was brought to life by the incredible Mantra team. Max Cutler, Ron Shapiro, Stacy Warrenker, Sarah Camp and Paul Lieberskind. Thank you for listening.