Transcript
Jemis Beg (0:00)
Foreign this is open mind. Welcome to a brand new week. Here is your mantra. I balance self improvement with self acceptance. I'm Jemis Beg and every Monday I give you a simple but powerful phrase to consider and bring into your life. A philosophy to guide you in the week ahead and hopefully even beyond. In each episode I unpack what our Mantra really means, how it has shown up in my own life, and how you can bring it into yours with journal prompts, tips, psychological strategies to help you take this mantra and put it into action at Open Mind. We value your support, so please make sure to share your thoughts on social media and remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover the show. For more exclusive content, monthly bonus episodes, early access and ad free listening, join our Open Mind plus community on Apple Podcasts each month. I love responding to your questions and comments in our bonus episodes. So if you want to be part of those bonus episodes, you can also leave me a comment or question on this episode or on Instagram trooropenmind Stick around. We'll be right back after this short pause. It is coming up to the best time of the year. Holiday season. The air is crisp and cozy. Stylish layers are a must. That's why as I prepare to move to colder climates, I have been turning to Quint. Their sweaters, outerwear and everyday essentials feel luxurious, look timeless and make holiday dressing and gifting as well so easy. Quince has it all. $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that you're going to wear non stop. Denim always fits great and never goes out of style. Silk tops and skirts that instantly polish any outfit and their Italian wool coats designer quality without the designer price. By working directly with ethical top tier factories, Quince skips the middleman and offers prices about 50% less than similar brands. They have something for everyone whether you are gifting or treating yourself. So step into the holiday season with layers made to feel good, look polished and last. From Quince, perfect for gifting or for keeping for yourself. Go to quince.com mantra for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada as well. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com mantra to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com mantra get smoother, brighter skin instantly.
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Jemis Beg (3:21)
Okay, let's get right into it. It is time for this week's mantra. I balance self improvement with self acceptance. Let's begin by answering a very important question, although certainly not a simple one. Where does our desire to improve ourselves come from? Is it innate? Is it socially conditioned? Or is it a mixture of both? I feel like this is a really important question to begin with, especially as we kind of end the year and go into 2026. A lot of us are focused on some form or some kind of self improvement. So we want to know where that's coming from and whether it's an organic feeling. So our desire to improve ourselves is such a fascinating aspect of being human. On the surface level, it seems like a natural instinct, right? We strive to learn, to grow, to overcome challenges. Yet when we dig deeper, it also becomes clear that this is in some ways shaped by culture and society and has been shaped by culture and society over time until it has reached the level of importance that it does and has has right now. So from a psychological perspective, there is this idea of self actualization. Self actualization was initially described by Abraham Maslow, but it's important to note he got a lot of inspiration for this idea from many Native American groups that he spent time with, particularly the Blackfoot Nation, who already had a deep understanding of this and taught him a lot of what he communicated in his papers and his research. But essentially, he stated that humans are not just motivated by survival and comfort, they also have this deeper motivation that comes from growth. We are wired to seek progress because it creates meaning and it creates purpose in our lives. And without that movement towards something that is greater or bigger than us, we risk stagnation, boredom, or a sense of futility. Improvement becomes a way of affirming that life is not just about existing and eating and sleeping and resting, but also about expanding. Humans also have this very deep need for goals, right? Goals give us structure to our days. They give us something to orient ourselves around, and it gives us evidence that we are in charge in some ways, that our efforts kind of matter. Psychologists would call this competence motivation, the satisfaction that comes from mastering skills and achieving milestones. When we set and reach goals, our brain obviously rewards us with dopamine, and that reinforces the behavior and pushes us to Continue. This cycle of striving and achieving helps explain why progress small wins, Getting better at something feel so deeply rewarding. Studies have shown that individuals without goals on the flip side, when they don't have something to strive for, they report lower life satisfaction, less reason for being, poorer relationships, and greater levels of boredom. If you want to feel good in life, you need something to work towards that's personal and meaningful. Now that could be a wellness goal, a mindset goal, a health goal, a financial goal, a professional goal, just to name a few. It just has to matter to you. It doesn't matter what it is, it just has to matter to you now. At the same time, our environment and social conditioning heavily reinforces this inherent drive. From a young age, many of us are taught that achievement equates to worthiness. Grades, promotions, accolades, they all act as these external signals of progress. Cultures often celebrate self improvement stories. You know, we love to see the underdog who rises and becomes the winner, the comeback story, the individual who betters themselves. These narratives become part of our collective psychology and that encourages us to see growth not just as personal, but as a form of social currency that can help us get ahead or impress people or be part of the in group. We see this happening a lot in of course, the self help space. Now I work in this space. I run two self help podcasts, I have a self help book, and I really love what I do. I also see some issues in it. Especially when self help content becomes the only content or lifestyle that we surround ourselves with. It can begin to give us this false idea that there is constantly something in our life that needs fixing. Constantly something that we could be better at, more enlightened about, more educated in there is this underlying theme of optimize, optimize, optimize that may be helpful at times, but can also quickly become all consuming. Progress and self improvement isn't just about being perfect or always working towards something. It's also sometimes about the reverse. It's about unlearning, slowing down, maybe even not setting a goal immediately after achieving one because you are in tune with yourself and what you need. But with so much outside content and beliefs coming in, it's hard not to feel like everything in your life could be perfect if you just kept pushing harder. Did it all put more on your plate? Stretch yourself thinner? I think additionally, we start to concoct these external standards as well for what we should be doing. We think everyone is looking, everyone is doing better than us. So it can also become rather competitive rather than intrinsically Motivated as someone who has tried this, who has tried to do everything in the name of self improvement, you will learn that you burn out quick. And you will realize there's actually very little happiness in this journey if it is not an authentic one. So how do we know when our desire to improve ourselves supports us versus demand, diminishes our sense of self worth and self acceptance? When self improvement is intrinsically motivated and combined with self acceptance and self love, you will notice that it feels expansive, not restrictive. You feel curious, you feel energized, you feel open to new experiences. You will notice that it is process oriented. You enjoy the journey of learning, practicing, exploring, even if the outcome isn't what you wanted. And it also coexists with a lot of love that you have for yourself. You can hold these two truths at the same time. I am enough as I am. I love myself as I am. But I also want to grow and I also want to see myself be better. There's compassion in that, there's flexibility in that rather than urgency or shame that is driving the change. Now, when self improvement diminishes your worth, it is fueled by comparison. You will find that the bar keeps raising. Nothing that you do is ever enough and it becomes identity threatening. Instead of being someone who enjoys what they're doing and who gets satisfaction out of growth, you become someone who always needs to change, who needs to do this to prove something about who you are. It's rooted in this innate criticism that we have for ourselves rather than respect. So how can we honour the desire to improve whilst recognizing and celebrating who we are Right now? One of the most powerful ways to honor the desire to improve without losing sight of who we are is to really deeply question, why am I doing this? Why are you doing this? Make sure you have a good answer and make sure you're being truthful with yourself about what that answer is. Secondly, instead of seeing improvement as fixing flaws or closing gaps, we can approach it as expansion and experimentation. There aren't strict things we need to do. We are just exploring what makes us feel better and then chasing that good feeling. Another way is to integrate celebration into the journey itself. Make sure that you are leaving space to be excited by your progress, to be excited by what you're learning about yourself, to be excited by your small victories. Pausing to appreciate progress in real time really does allow you to anchor into the present and acknowledge your current self. It might look like journaling about what you're discovering, practicing gratitude for how far you've come, simply telling yourself or telling others I had this small win and I feel really excited by that and I'm proud of myself today. By noticing and affirming who we are now and who we are in the process of who we are becoming. We don't wait on future success to feel value. Balancing growth and self acceptance means noticing where our effort supports us and where it kind of quietly erodes our sense of self worth and recognizing the value that we always have, especially right now, even as we want to improve. So when we come back, I'm going to share about how this has shown up for me and maybe some further ways that we can implement it in our own lives. So stick around. We'll be right back after this short break.