Podcast Summary: Mantra with Jemma Sbeg

Episode: I Let Myself Feel Disappointed

Host: Jemma Sbeg
Date: November 17, 2025
Platform: OpenMind

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode's mantra is: "I let myself feel disappointed."
Jemma explores the importance of embracing disappointment rather than suppressing it, challenging toxic positivity, and sharing personal stories and practical strategies to integrate this acceptance into everyday life for greater self-knowledge, well-being, and emotional resilience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Problem of Toxic Positivity

• Definition & Core Issue
  • Toxic positivity is the belief that we should always remain optimistic, even during difficult emotions or setbacks.
  • Jemma points out how it divides emotions into "acceptable" (happy, pretty) and "unacceptable" (disappointment, grief, anger), often leading to the suppression of the latter.
• Recognizing Toxic Positivity
  • Explicit versions: "Everything happens for a reason", "Other people have it worse", "Just be grateful", etc.
  • Subtle versions: Changing the subject, dismissing feelings, rushing someone to "get over it", immediately offering solutions.
• Key Insight:

  "The thing about toxic positivity is that it isn't always explicit...They may immediately offer solutions instead of just listening to you. They may minimize your experience. They may act annoyed or impatient with you." (Jemma Sbeg, 05:26)

2. Why Feeling Disappointment Matters

• Emotional Suppression and Its Costs
  • Suppressing emotions means losing access to self-knowledge; emotions signal priorities, boundaries, and desires.
  • Chronic emotional suppression is linked to greater stress, weakened immunity, fatigue, and even cardiovascular problems.
• "Emodiversity"
  • Referencing psychological studies, Jemma notes that experiencing a wide range of emotions (not just positive ones) strengthens resilience and overall well-being.

    "Just like biodiversity strengthens ecosystems in nature, emo diversity strengthens our psychological resilience." (Jemma Sbeg, 10:09)

  • Suppressing disappointment leads to a "narrow band of forced positivity" that is unfulfilling and unrealistic.

3. Disappointment as a Source of Growth

• Why It's Important to Acknowledge Disappointment
  • Disappointment signifies caring about something deeply — a job, friendship, relationship, ambition, or expectation.
  • Allowing oneself to feel disappointment provides an opportunity for learning, recovery, and improved relationships.
• Personal Relationships & Boundaries
  • Speaking up about disappointment in relationships can lead to deeper, more authentic connections and prevent resentment.

    "I know I used to be the kind of person who would never bring up stuff that annoyed me...over time, I felt a lot worse about our relationship and I felt a lot worse about our dynamic compared to if I just said, hey, this moment upset me, I feel let down." (Jemma Sbeg, 13:32)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Self-Compassion and Reframing

  "On the surface, that actually might look like resilience, which is why it’s kind of confusing, but underneath, it’s often kind of a form of self-gaslighting… you’re convincing yourself you don’t care when in fact you deeply, deeply do." (Jemma Sbeg, 07:55)

• On Positive Outlook vs. Wallowing

  "You can let yourself feel disappointment, but part of letting yourself feel it is also not letting that feeling own you... Positivity does somewhat become a tool to help us reframe and move forward. Not to erase the disappointment, but to carry its lessons with us." (Jemma Sbeg, 20:56)

• On Honoring Disappointment as Human

  "Disappointment is not a bad thing. It's not a failure. You are not losing the battle against your emotions if you feel an unpleasant emotion. That is all part of the human experience... Wanting things for ourselves, expecting things for ourselves is not selfish. It’s actually an amazing thing." (Jemma Sbeg, 28:15)

• Featured Quote of the Day

  "You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness." — Jonathan Safran Foer (Jemma Sbeg, 25:20)

Personal Story & Reflection

[15:17–22:45]

• Jemma recounts a period in her life marked by repeated disappointment in friendships—making plans, putting in effort, and having them go unreciprocated.
• She describes rationalizing others’ behavior, blaming herself for having expectations, and finally reaching a turning point after a particularly disheartening canceled dinner.
• Support from her boyfriend helped her realize the depth of her feelings, leading her to revise patterns, set boundaries, and only invest in reciprocal relationships.
• She emphasizes:

  "Actually sitting with that disappointment and… letting myself feel sad and frustrated and hurt, it brought me a lot of clarity around who was going to meet me where I was at… and who wasn't." (Jemma Sbeg, 19:44)

Practical Tips & Journal Prompts

Practical Exercises for Processing Disappointment

[22:45–24:36]

1. Affect/Emotional Labeling:

   • When disappointment arises, pause and state: “I am feeling disappointed because ___.”
   • Notice where you physically experience the emotion (chest, stomach, shoulders, jaw).
   • This validation reduces intensity and grounds you.

2. Time-Boxed Reflection Ritual:

   • Allow yourself to feel disappointed intentionally for 15–20 minutes (journal, cry, reflect).
   • When time is up, do something grounding (walk, breathwork, shower, tea).
   • This prevents endless rumination and allows for healthy emotional processing.

Weekly Journal Questions

[27:19–28:01]

• Can you remember a time when you felt disappointed but tried to hide it? What did you learn about yourself?
• Is there a disappointment you’re carrying but haven’t allowed yourself to feel?
• If you let yourself feel disappointed today, how might it influence your decisions or boundaries going forward?

Deep Thought & Closing

[25:17–27:00]

• Highlighting the Jonathan Safran Foer quote, Jemma ties together the episode's core message: Emotions exist on a spectrum, and you cannot selectively numb only the hard feelings without sacrificing the highs of joy and meaning.
• The value of disappointment: “We gain clarity, we gain perspective, and we gain the courage to move forward with intention. That is the gift of disappointment.” (Jemma Sbeg, 29:00)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• What is Toxic Positivity? [03:58–10:09]
• Why Suppress Disappointment? [10:10–13:31]
• Personal Friendship Story [15:17–19:44]
• Practical Emotional Processing Tips [22:45–24:36]
• Deep Thought of the Day/Notable Quote [25:17–27:00]
• Journal Prompts [27:19–28:01]
• Final Thoughts on Disappointment [28:15–29:00]

Summary Takeaway

Jemma Sbeg urges listeners to recognize the value of disappointment as a natural, informative part of life. Rejecting toxic positivity, she advocates for honest emotional acknowledgment, especially around disappointment, using it as a source of growth and self-knowledge. By sharing personal experiences and research-backed practices, she empowers listeners to process setbacks constructively—leading not just to resilience but to greater clarity and authenticity in relationships and self-understanding.

Next Episode: Tune in next Monday for a new mantra with Jemma Sbeg on Mantra.
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