Podcast Summary: "I Release Grudges"

Podcast: Mantra with Jemma Sbeg
Host: Jemma Sbeg (OpenMind)
Episode Title: I Release Grudges
Date: August 18, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode centers on the weekly mantra, "I Release Grudges," guiding listeners through its nuanced meaning, psychological roots, and practical paths to applying it in daily life. Jemma Sbeg explores the emotional dynamics of holding onto grudges, shares personal anecdotes, and provides actionable strategies, journal prompts, and a weekly challenge to support the release of lingering resentments.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding Grudges (03:47 – 10:00)

• Definition & Differentiation

  • Grudges are described as relatively small offenses (disagreements, rudeness, careless words) as opposed to major betrayals requiring deep forgiveness.
  • “Grudges are like tiny little rocks compared to like, the big, heavy, weighty stones that are major hurts. Thing is though, if your pockets are full of a lot of little rocks, they can still really weigh you down.” (Gemma, 04:50)

• Why We Hold Grudges

  • Asserts that grudges serve as psychological protection when feeling unresolved or unsafe.
  • Introduces psychological concepts like rumination and the just world hypothesis.
  • “When someone wrongs us and there's no resolution, our sense of safety is really naturally disrupted… The brain responds to this threat by going into kind of like a protective overdrive, rehearsing what happened over and over again in order to avoid similar future pain.” (Gemma, 06:00)

• The Role of Justice, Control, and Ego

  • Grudges can fulfill a desire for justice (internal sense of control).
  • Questions whether not releasing grudges is connected to one’s ego or feeling morally superior.
  • “How much of holding your grudge is also just ego? Kind of thinking, I could never do anything like that, or I'm perfect and I'm faultless?” (Gemma, 09:57)

2. The Cost of Holding on and the Power of Letting Go (10:00 – 14:30)

• Physical & Emotional Toll

  • Discusses research showing resentment influences mental and physical health (chronic pain, immune responses, blood pressure, sleep, digestion).
  • Letting go is described as “an underrated form of self-care.”

• Forgiveness Isn’t Forgetting

  • “Releasing a grudge doesn't mean erasing what happened to you or pretending that it didn't hurt. You can still hold onto the memory… and use it to set boundaries… without carrying the emotional weight of resentment.” (Gemma, 12:29)

• Clarity, Wisdom, and Emotional Maturity

  • Letting go allows clearer judgment and enables learning, rather than reliving pain.

3. Personal Reflections & Real-Life Examples (16:09 – 22:50)

• Traffic Example

  • Jemma shares a story about her daily frustration with drivers honking as she tries to turn into her driveway, highlighting how the resulting grudge only hurt her, not the other person.
  • “Every time it would happen, I would just have this sour taste in my mouth and it would put me in such a bad mood. The anger, the grudge between me and the stranger, like it was only hurting me. I'm never going to see this person again. But I couldn't let it go.” (Gemma, 17:20)

• Childhood Bully Example

  • By holding onto anger for something that happened at age nine, she realized the grudge caused far more pain than the original incident.

• Resentment as a "Moral Emotion"

  • “We begin to mistake anger for power, when in reality, it's just keeping us emotionally entangled with someone we'd rather move on from. True power, paradoxically, often comes not from holding the grudge, but choosing to let it go.” (Gemma, 21:30)

4. Strategies for Releasing Grudges (22:50 – 27:44)

Step-by-Step Approach:

• 1. Acknowledge the Grudge

  • Admit to yourself you're actively holding on to resentment.

• 2. Validate Your Emotions

  • Allow yourself to fully feel anger, sadness, or even the desire for revenge.

• 3. Identify the Need Beneath the Grudge

  • Recognize what you needed and didn’t get (apology, accountability, closure).

• 4. Shift from Blame to Understanding (Optional)

  • Attempt to see things from the other person’s perspective—not to excuse, but to humanize.

• 5. Choose a Boundary

  • Decide what boundaries are needed for your safety and well-being.

• 6. Let Go Symbolically

  • Engage in a ritual—burn a letter, remove symbolic items—to visually and tangibly signal release.

• 7. Focus on Gains, Not Losses

  • Consider what space is created in your life after letting go.

• 8. Rewrite the Narrative

  • Ask: How do I want to see this story in the future? As ruin or growth?

5. Journal Prompts & Practical Application (27:44 – 33:54)

• Deep Thought of the Day (28:00)

  • Quote attributed to Buddha: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
  • “The person we resent isn’t feeling any of our tension… The damage stays within us.” (Gemma, 28:30)

• Reflection Prompts:

  • Is there someone from your past you haven’t fully forgiven? What’s keeping you tethered?
  • What unspoken resentment are you carrying right now?
  • If you released a lingering grudge, how might your relationships or decisions look different?

• Journal Practice

  • Encourages pausing and honest self-reflection, even without formal journaling.

6. Weekly Challenge (32:50 – End)

Challenge for Listeners:

• Notice & Name Triggers: Every time you feel bitterness this week, pause and ask “What story am I telling myself right now?”
• Track Patterns: Keep a note of recurring patterns and revisit at week’s end.
• Reflect: Are these stories helping you heal or keeping you stuck?
• Message: “Releasing your grudge doesn’t have to be one massive moment. Often it’s just a quiet decision that you want better for yourself.” (Gemma, 33:20)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Grudges are like tiny little rocks… if your pockets are full of a lot of little rocks, they can still really weigh you down.” (Gemma, 04:50)
• “Revenge is always twice as hard and only half as sweet compared to letting something go.” (Reddit quote shared by Gemma, 08:45)
• “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” (Gemma quoting, 28:00)
• “True power, paradoxically, often comes not from holding the grudge, but choosing to let it go.” (Gemma, 21:30)
• “Releasing a grudge doesn't mean erasing what happened to you or pretending that it didn't hurt. You can still hold onto the memory… and use it to set boundaries… without carrying the emotional weight of resentment.” (Gemma, 12:29)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Defining Grudges / Why We Hold Them: 03:47 – 10:00
• Physical and Emotional Toll: 10:00 – 14:30
• Personal Reflections & Stories: 16:09 – 22:50
• Framework for Releasing Grudges: 22:50 – 27:44
• Deep Thought & Journal Prompts: 27:44 – 32:50
• Weekly Challenge & Closing Message: 32:50 – End

Tone & Closing Thoughts

Jemma Sbeg delivers the episode with empathy, vulnerability, and practical wisdom—inviting listeners to self-kindness while encouraging honest reflection and gentle self-growth. In her words:

"Releasing your grudge doesn’t have to be one massive moment. Often it’s just a quiet decision that you want better for yourself… over time, these small choices really add up to something that is liberating." (33:20)

For more insights, reflections, and mantras, follow Jemma Sbeg on Mantra and connect via Instagram @mantraopenmind.