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- [00:00]
Gemma Speg
Foreign.
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Unknown
This is Open Mind.
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Gemma Speg
Welcome to a brand new week. Here is your Mantra I release the need to do it all. I'm your host, Gemma Speg, and I'm here to guide you toward a more centered and fulfilling life. Each week I share personal stories and insights that are focused on a specific mantra, plus journal prompts and a weekly challenge for all of us to help put it into action. Think of Mantra as your mental reset button, a way to stay centered as you juggle work, school, family and whatever life throws at you. Each mantra is a simple, powerful phrase you can repeat to refocus your thoughts and bring a bit of calm into your day. It's a small tool with a big impact, clearing your mind, lifting your mood, and rooting you in the present. If you've listened to my other show, the psychology of your 20s, you know I'm all about those little nuggets of insight that make a big impact. So whether you are looking for some extra inspiration or you're trying to ground yourself amidst the chaos, you have come to the right place At Open Mind. We value your support. Share your thoughts on social media and remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover the show. For more exclusive content, monthly bonus episodes, early access and ad free listening, join our Open Mind plus community on Apple Podcasts. This week I'll catch you up on what's been going on in my life and then we'll dive into today's Mantra I Release the need to do it all. This is all about letting go of the need to do everything and anything, finding freedom and acknowledging that you don't have to carry everything alone, embracing support and prioritizing quality over quantity. Stick around. We'll be right back after this short pause.
- [02:11]
Unknown
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Gemma Speg
Wow.
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Unknown
What's up?
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I just bought and financed a car through Carvana in minutes.
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You the person who agonized four weeks.
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Gemma Speg
Over whether to paint your walls eggshell.
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Unknown
Or off white, bought and a car in minutes.
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They made it Easy, transparent terms, customizable down and monthly. Didn't even have to do any paperwork.
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Gemma Speg
Wow.
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Unknown
Hey, have you checked out that spreadsheet I sent you for our dinner?
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Options finance your car with carvana and experience total control financing subject to credit approval.
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Gemma Speg
Welcome back, my lovely listeners. We are going to get into this week's mantra in just a few. But before we do, of course we have to start with my highs, lows and who knows? I have a huge high for you guys today, an absolute mega high. And that is my foster dog, Talu. I'm at this point in my life right now where I cannot have a pet. Me and Tom are moving soon. Our lives are really, really busy. I'm constantly traveling and it just obviously didn't feel responsible to have an animal who depended on me 247 constantly for the next 10 to 15 years. But there was definitely a canine shaped hole in my heart. Like, I always grew up with pets and dogs and pet sittered all through uni and even through my early days of my corporate career. And so when the opportunity came to have three months of not traveling, I got on the RSPCA website, fell madly in love with this Great Dane slash greyhound, Talu, and within like two days, we had picked her up. It's so funny how men are always like, I don't want a pet, I don't want a dog. You can do it if you want to. I'm not going to be involved. And then you get the dog or the cat or whatever it is and they just like fall madly in love. And like, Tom is not a dog person. He never had dogs growing up. These two are inseparable. I think that he has more photos of this dog than he has of me. And we've been dating for a long time. And every morning 7am, he's up, the dog's in the bed, we're on a walk. It's made me fall in love with him even more. And she is just the sweetest pup. She is fully trained, she is gorgeous, good with kids, good with other dogs, sleeps like 50% of the day. So if you are a Sydney listener slash Australian listener and looking for a little puppy to waddle her way into your heart, hit me up. I have the dog just for you. It honestly is just insane how much pets really do help our mental health. But with that aside, let's get into today's mantra. Today we're talking all about releasing the need to do it all. This mantra has been an important one for me for a while. I would Say for at least the past two years, a very similar mantra I often repeat to myself is, I can do it all eventually, just not all at once, but to me. This week's mantra, I release the need to do it all, has a couple of meanings. The first meaning is being able to accept help and pushing back against perhaps a natural urge for hyper independence. The second meaning is the one I really want to focus on, and it's about being selective, valuing quality experiences over quantity, valuing the quality of achievements over quantity, allowing yourself to just sink deep into one or two things that you really care about, rather than being a jack of all trades and a master of none, to use that saying. Essentially, when I hear the mantra I release the need to do it all, I also feel permission to slow down and be happy with what I have and what I am capable of. Let's roll it back, though. Where did this idea of having to do it all in order for your life to be worthwhile come from? And how is it hurting us? I believe the notion that we have to do it all has a few origins. The first is that as society has grown and progressed, we can now see more of what's available in the world. We have more flavors to choose from, and we just kind of can't bear the idea of restricting ourselves. I always think of Sylvia Plath's very famous fake tree analogy about sitting at the base of a tree, seeing these branches extending above you, each containing a fig or a metaphor for life, for a life that you could choose one that you might deeply desire to be an artist, to be someone climbing the career ladder, to be a parent, to be a free thinker, to be a traveler. This, that, all these different lives, knowing that in some ways you are not able to live them all. You have to choose one. I think that's a myth. I don't think you have to choose one. But we'll get to why. I think that eventually. Essentially, that's the first reason why I feel we need to do it all. We feel like we don't want to miss out. And I think that fear of missing out also has an element of social comparison to it. Of course, we see what other people are doing and how successful they are and how they're able to juggle all these things. And we panic. We think, shouldn't I be doing more? Shouldn't I be in more places? Shouldn't I have more to say for myself? Another reason I think this comes down to is our obsession with success and how our achievements have become very Much tied and connected to our self worth, often creating very unrealistic standards for what we can and do hope to achieve. Evidence to me of this is like the rise of hustle culture, the rise of the wunderkind, people who were Young and successful, Forbes 30 under 30, Life Achievement Awards, all given out to people who seemingly do it all, have it all, balance it all. Let me just say this. Humans were not meant to hustle the way we do now. They were meant to just experience life and be present, Eat some berries, make some friends, sit around a fire, explore nature. But in, and I would say specifically the last 300 years, society has become a lot more focused on your output, what you can say you've done and how seemingly impressive that is to others, and how this has become almost symbolic of having a deeper meaning in life. Accomplishment is the meaning of life. That's what the need to do it all would tell you. For me, I actually think it's slowing down and being present and really feeling what you have chosen to focus on. As a result of this rise in the need to do it all, I think we've also become a lot more individualistic. Our accomplishments are for us and us only. There's less focus on community, on the people who have assisted us in getting there. And there's definitely more shame in asking for help because we are scared that may make us look less capable or more vulnerable. There is one specific kind of person I believe the need to do it all hurts the most. And it is the type A overachievers. The individual who has been taught that accomplishment is the defining part of your personality. Who from an early age has put a lot into good grades and a great resume and extracurriculars. Many overachievers develop this mindset really early on, often as a response to, I would say high parental expectations, a need for validation, or a desire to prove their worth, maybe even low self esteem. They don't like themselves, they don't feel accepted, they don't feel loved. And so they say to themselves, if I just do, more people will admire me and therefore they will like me. Perfectionism as well and a fear of failure also play a major role. Feels like anything but excellence and a massive list of all the things you've done is unacceptable. And I think we're also driven by this internal need for control, believing that if we work hard enough, if we don't ask for help, we can prevent disappointment or rejection. We can feel like our life is worth more. What does this lead to? Well, I think ambition and High standards are amazing things and they can lead to great success and great achievement and maybe yes, a sense of purpose. But it can also come at a cost. The cost being your mental well being, stress, burnout and difficulty enjoying the present moment. Let's focus on this for a second because I think it's an element of doing it all that we don't talk about enough. If your self worth and your concept is tied to how much you can do, accomplish, see how much you can push yourself. You're always thinking about the next big thing. And once you're there, it kind of becomes worthless to you because it's just a checkbox. And I've seen this with athletes, people who travel for a living, who just check off the countries to say they've been rather than actually like enjoying the trip, famous musicians, people early on in their careers trying to just do as much as they can to say they did it, to say, look, I'm worthy. And I just feel like in those moments a lot of people will tell you I was living this life of success. I didn't enjoy any of it because it was just a checkbox. There was nothing more. There was no substance to what I was experiencing. And like I said, it leads to burnout, less enjoyment of life for sure. But it can also create a really profound sense of emptiness and a sense of, you know, who am I if I'm not the best or doing the most? What if you get sick? What if you need a day off? If you're someone who needs to do it all and not accept help and have all these accomplishments, those moments of necessary rest are unthinkable. Let me maybe just offer you an alternative. What would happen if we became selective and intentional about what we choose to do? What if we became quality people and ignored as much as we could the pressure of appearances? This is what I would imagine it looks like. It would look like a life lived with purpose rather than pressure. Instead of stretching ourself thin across endless commitments, we would be able to carefully choose where to direct our energy. We would be able to invest deeply in the things that matter. We would be happier. I'm assuming we would be more present. We would be, I think, actually more purposeful because we really care deeply about something rather than being half engaged in a million things. Being a quality person, to put it really simply, means prioritizing depth over breadth, not chasing every opportunity, and most importantly, allowing for rest and reflection and knowing that that is just as valuable as action. Reflecting on this topic, I think it can feel stressful because it goes against a lot of maybe what you've been taught to believe about your worth and it challenges you to really rethink some deeply ingr beliefs about self worth and self reliance. But recognizing we don't have to do it all. When you fully embrace that philosophy, it's very liberating and I think it's also essential for our well being. Coming up, let's get personal. I'll open up about how releasing the need to do it all has not been a one time decision for me, but an ongoing journey, one of adjusting and learning and repeating to myself and worth more than my accomplishments. If I'm being honest, I'm still kind of stumbling along the way. But we will talk about all of that and more. Stay tuned. I'll be right back after this brief pause.
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Unknown
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Where'd you get those shoes?
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Gemma Speg
Easy.
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Unknown
They're from dsw. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you from daydreamer to multitasker and everything in between. Because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or dsw.com now that.
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Gemma Speg
We'Ve looked at the meaning behind today's mantra, it's time to get personal with you guys and share some of my own insights and reflections about this really powerful, powerful phrase I release the need to do it all. Let me give you my kind of overachiever's guide to doing less that I've developed over many, many years. And if it's not obvious, I am still developing. I've always had a struggle with needing to do it all. It definitely started way back when I was in high school, I imagine, but definitely it spawned and GRE a million heads. In university I went to this really competitive, I would say high achiever type university. And the idea of just doing the bare minimum was not in style, nor was the idea of asking for help. I remember going to networking events or joining like the Psychology Club or the Economics Club and you know, asking people, oh, so what are you doing outside of uni? And they'd be like, well, at 2am I do this, at 9am I do that, at 5pm I volunteer, but by 7pm I'm at my full time job. And it was just like this litany of things and you would sit there saying or thinking to yourself, I have to work. And I guess I'm just studying and working at a cafe and you know, trying to pay my bills, like, am I not good enough? Am I ever going to have the life I want if this is my peer? There was a definite sense of firstly competition, maybe putting it on a little bit, but also that what one respect in those circles was burnout. And it was a long list of achievements and it was being able to do everything at once, even if, and this is the crucial part, you didn't actually care about any of it. That of course puts a lot of pressure on someone who is young and in their early 20s. It also definitely made me feel like my path was quite uncertain because there were a few things I really cared about and I wanted to put my time towards them. But it always felt like I was being pulled elsewhere and there was no room for pause, there was constant movement. I've told this story before, but in my pursuit to do it all, I kind of realized this life wasn't for me. And in some ways that life showed me it wasn't for me. I applied for all these jobs and these internships and the one I really, really wanted I didn't get. And I had this big kind of empty space that I thought would be filled by a graduate program or by an internship or some kind of fancy job. And it wasn't filled by one of those fancy jobs. So I went and spent the kind of summer with my grandma. And honestly, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. And this is kind of what I learned during that time and during that space that I still apply. The first thing that I learned was that if you have big dreams and big plans, choose one at a time. At the most, choose two. You cannot possibly give your dreams everything they require if you are stretched too thin. And it's going to mean that you don't get that depth and quality of investment that big dreams require. Secondly, it really taught me the importance of seasons when it comes to personal growth and development. Each part of not even your year, each part of a chapter of your life does have different seasons. One of the seasons that is required from you is rest. One is for planting new ideas. There is a season for working really hard, and there is a season for reaping rewards. But that rest part, you can't work. You can't reap rewards if you haven't really taken care of yourself and if you haven't really reflected on what you actually want to do. Here are some other important ways that I release the need to do it all. I really embrace this idea of strategic quitting. Not everything you start is meant to be finished. Sometimes this sunk cost fallacy lures us into believing that we can't just walk away because we've already given a dream or an idea or a career path or even a relationship too much of ourself. But the thing is, the more you keep investing, the more you're not investing in something that actually really matters to you. The more you're perhaps doing something for appearances, the more that you are held hostage by a past dream or past life. So I want you to regularly assess your commitments and ask if I wasn't already doing this, would I start doing it today? And if not, it might be time to let it go. I also want you to redefine productivity. The biggest secret that successful people perhaps won't tell you is that they don't work constantly. They work very, very effectively and smartly. They do what matters. So it's called the 8020 rule. It's where you focus on the 20% of the task that is going to give you the 80%. So think about building a house. You're not going to fixate on the tiny, tiny, tiny details. You are going to start with the big picture 20%, that is the beams, that is the support, that is the foundations. The stuff that not everyone sees but which the house require be built. Instead of getting caught up in tiny little details and decorations of what you feel like you need to do, focus on the big chunks of activities that are actually rather small, that are important. Rather than just doing things to keep you preoccupied. I also want you to rethink your to do list. Now, I feel like we've talked about this on the podcast before, but so often we just put everything we could ever possibly think to do or want to do or should do on our to do list. Our to do list has the most randomest of tasks, at least Mine does of like call grammar, finish art project from 2017, paint bathroom door, do taxes, right novel. I can't do those things. That's not a to do list. That's a want to do list. So when you have a to do list that you are looking at every single day, I want you to break it down into a must do, could do and extras. So your must do list is things that you have to do today or tomorrow, things that are urgently important to you. The could do list is things that you could do if you have time but you don't need to do them. The house isn't going to burn down, no one's going to be mad at you, everything's going to be okay. And then you have the extras. This is the big dreams. This is the stuff that maybe you would do if you had a whole weekend free. It's also the stuff that you'll get to eventually. I don't want you to mistake your extras and your could do's as your must dos. That is really coming and bleeding in from the idea of needing to do it all. When those thoughts do start creeping in, and they will, then I'm not doing enough. I'm falling behind. Everyone else is doing more than me. I need you to pull back and think or ask yourself, do I want a busy life or do I want a full life? Because those things are not mutually exclusive. I also want you to ask yourself, would doing it all mean doing it all? Well, remember, there is no rush to have accomplished everything you want in life by 30 or 35 or 40 or 50. You have so much time to go at your own pace, to take the scenic route, to ask for help, to say I can't do that, to just explore and experience what it's like to be human. Reflecting on all this reminds me of just how much we've kind of been lied to when it comes to the true value of success. So with all that in mind, I'd like to share our deep thought of the day. Our deep thought for the day is you can do anything, but not everything. And that's from David Allen. The reason I like this quote is because when you first read it, you're kind of like, wow, that's really depressing. What do you mean I can't do everything? That's what everyone's told me my whole life. But then you see the beauty in it. The beauty in it is every single option is still available to you. But you do have to choose and you do have to be selective. Now that doesn't mean that you can't live a few different lives, that you can't embrace different parts of who you are at different points. I think about my mum and I think about my grandma and all these amazing people in my life who started a career doing one thing and are now doing something completely differently, who were photographers at one stage in their lives and then full time mothers and then a travel blogger and then went back to school and back to work and had all these different realities for themselves. The thing that allowed them to do that is that they didn't try and do all those things all at once. I think about my grandma and she's just had this incredible career and this incredible life. If she was trying to be a homemaker, a mother, a photographer, a business owner, a realtor, a bed and breakfast owner, and live in multiple different countries that she did get the chance to live in all at once, she wouldn't have been able to do any of it. But she understood that there is a moment for your moments and there is a moment for the version of you. At that point you can do anything. You just can't do everything all at once. Now I'd like us to take a few moments to pause and really sit with this mantra. You know this is my favorite part of the podcast. In just a moment you'll hear a custom music track created to give you space to absorb today's insights and consider how you might bring this mantra into your week, maybe even beyond. If this practice isn't your style, as I always say, if it doesn't resonate with you, feel free to Skip ahead around 30 seconds to a minute. So as you settle in, keep our mantra in mind. I release the need to do it all, let it guide your thoughts as the music plays, and give yourself a moment to reflect and connect with what this mantra means to you. Foreign up next, we are going to talk about how to put these insights into real action. I'll share some journal prompts and our weekly challenge to help you lighten your load, embrace support and actively work to release the need to do it all. Stick around for more after this quick break with the Venmo Debit card. You can turn the spa day that your friends paid you back for into concert tickets that you can earn up to 5% cash back on where a spa day with the girls becomes concert tickets. Visit Venmo Me Debit to learn more. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bank Corp. Bank N.A. pursuant to license by MasterCard International Inc. Term Supply Dosh cashback term supply.
- [29:03]
Unknown
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- [29:33]
Are you obsessed with cults then? Oh goody. Do I have a podcast recommendation for you. It's called Sounds Like a Cult and it's a show about the modern day cults we all follow. Think less Jonestown and the Manson and more Disney adults, Church camp, Momfluencers or people who are just obsessed with their Stanley Cup. I'm Amanda Montel Sounds Like a Cult's host and every week I choose a different fanatical fringe group from the cultural zeitgeist and analyze it with the help of expert guests, listener collins, and fascinating stories to figure out if the Group of the Week is a Live youe Life, a Watcher Back, or a Get the Fuck out level cult. If you're new to the show, I recommend starting out with one of my favorite episodes, like the one on the Cult of Purity Rings featuring Kelsey from Normal Gossip. We also just did an episode on the Cult of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Discussions get very juicy on Sounds Like a Cult. The show is available on all major podcast platforms and new episodes come out every Tuesday. For more, find the show on Instagram. Sounds Like a Cult Pod.
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Gemma Speg
Welcome back. Let's talk about how you can apply this week's mantra in meaningful ways to your everyday life. Starting with, of course, my journal. Practice. Remember, if you don't have your journal and you're listening in the car, you're at the gym. I just want you to take a moment to think about these prompts and think about your answers wherever you are. Here are a few questions to help you reflect on this week's mantra. I release the need to do it all first, what is holding you back from just focusing on a few quality aspects of your life or goals? What would it actually look like right now to value quality over quantity? And what could you let go of next? What would it look like for you to treat rest and self care as equally as important as productivity and achievement? And finally, what one small step can you take this week to let go of unnecessary responsibilities and also invite more support into your life? I know personally these are Questions that I definitely need to get journaling on and ask myself this week. Okay, so since we launched Mantra over two months ago, in addition to our weekly challenge, we've also always looked back on the previous week's challenge, and I've been absolutely loving hearing from you all and seeing your messages and feedback. But because I'm trying to fit replies into just one small sliver of an episode, I feel like I can't respond to as many people as I want or go into as much depth as I would like. So a few weeks ago, I released my first monthly bonus episode on Open Mind plus, where I responded to messages and comments that were sent to our Instagram archeropenmind. It was so incredible and actually very rewarding to be able to answer some of your questions and deep dive even deeper than we already go and not just give it five minutes, but give it 15, 20 minutes to do so. So whilst I won't be recapping last week's challenge in this episode or any further episodes of Mantra, I will be talking about that and so much more over on Open Mind plus. Okay, so now it's time for this week's challenge. This week, I want you to identify one task or responsibility that usually stresses you out and either think to yourself, should I get rid of this? Or is there someone I can ask for help with this task such that I don't have to do it all? I want you to see how it feels to let go of control, to let go of the need to do it all. How does your body adjust? Does it feel peaceful? Does it lighten your load? How does it impact your wellbeing throughout the week? I do really want you to choose something to take off the list this week. And as a reminder, reach out to Mantra Open Mind to share how this challenge is going for you or with anything else that's going on in your life right now. It doesn't have to be about this episode. If you have a dilemma, a challenge, and who knows, I might just respond on a future bonus episode for Open Mind plus. All right, my lovely listeners, as we wrap up this week's episode, I want to share a few final thoughts about this week's Mantra. I release the need to do it all. I have personally been a victim of this. My own mind has made me a victim of the need to do it all. And I found that the times when I have been trying to, nothing has ever felt very purposeful. It's so much harder to be inspired. It's so much harder to have time to rest and to care about my relationships. And all in all, I think, who am I doing this for? Is it to please people? Is it to not disappoint people? Is it to prove that I'm worthy of something? Something that helps me is to remember no one really cares. Really, no one cares. And the people who do care about how much you're doing and your ability to do it all are probably not the people that you want to look up to or whose opinions you should care about. You are about depth. You are about quality, not just quantity. You are about meaning and caring about where you put your time and your energy. Remember, releasing the need to do it all is most certainly not a sign of weakness. It's actually a sign of really great strength and trust and also of community. As you move through this week, give yourself permission to be selective, to lean on others and embrace the sheer freedom of letting it go. Thank you for joining Mantra, an exclusive Open Mind original powered by Pave Studios. At Open Mind, we value your support, so share your thoughts on social media and remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover the show for ad, free listening and early access to Mantra with me, Gemma Spegg. We invite you to to subscribe to Open Mind plus on Apple Podcasts. I'll share another insightful and introspective Mantra with you next Monday. Until then, keep showing up for yourself and your journey. I'm Gemma Spaeg. See you next week. Mantra is hosted by me, Jemma Speg, and is an Open Mind original powered by Pave Studios. This episode was brought to life by the Mantra team. Max Cutler, Kristen Acevedo, Ron Shapiro, Stacey Warrenker, Sarah Camp and Paul Libeskin. Thank you for listening.
- [36:22]
Unknown
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