Mariners Church Weekend Messages — Episode 127: "Guard Your Heart NOT 'Follow Your Heart'"

Date: September 14, 2025
Host: Liz Garcia
Guests: Kay Geiger and Senior Pastor Eric Geiger
Audience: Live Thursday night young adults

Episode Overview

In this vibrant and candid episode, host Liz Garcia leads Senior Pastor Eric Geiger and his wife Kay through a series of questions submitted by young adults on love, dating, marriage, commitment, and emotional health from a faith-rooted perspective. The conversation balances scriptural grounding, lived experience, humor, and practical advice, with a recurring emphasis on commitment, character, and intentionality over fleeting feelings or cultural dating norms.

Key Discussion Points

1. How to Know If God Doesn't Want You in a Relationship

[01:01–05:18]

• Don’t rationalize staying: If you’re a Christ-follower dating someone who isn’t, or you’re noticing “major character flaws, like lying all the time, cheating all the time, those things carry over. I'd say that'd be a major red flag.” (Kay, [01:56])
• Evaluate why you started: “Should you have gotten into this relationship to start with? And if the answer is no, then you definitely should get out.” (Kay, [02:58])
• Kindness in breaking up: “It’s actually very kind towards the person to end the relationship… Don’t delay if you feel prompted.” (Eric, [03:48])
• Check your own motives: “Just make sure you're not wanting to back out because you're afraid of committing... If you're not ready to commit, you shouldn't have started dating in the first place.” (Kay, [04:35])
• Dating vs. going on dates: Distinction drawn between spending time with someone vs. committing to an exclusive relationship with the intent to discern marriage.

2. Is 20–23 Too Young to Get Married?

[05:20–10:29]

• Personal testimony: Both Eric and Kay advocate for young marriage, reflecting on their own experience (married at 21 and 19).
• Trade-offs: “It's kind of like choose your pain. There’s pain if you get married young, and pain if you get married late.” (Eric, [05:42])
• Financial struggle and togetherness: “Some of my best memories are of those days when we were having to figure stuff out together.” (Kay, [10:09])
• Key qualifiers: Emphasis on maturity, ability for men to provide/protect, and both being committed and walking with Jesus.
• Sexual purity: Longer dating makes purity harder: “We value sexual purity. The reality is, it's hard to date someone a long time and be sexually pure. It just is.” (Eric, [09:12])

3. Does God "Introduce" Us to Our Future Spouse?

[11:09–14:36]

• Actively pursue: “Sometimes guys… can be passive thinking… if God wants it to happen, he's gonna like doordash me somebody. It’s not how it happens. You do have to pursue.” (Eric, [12:01])
• Desires align when walking with God: “If you're walking with him, his desires become your desires… If you have a desire to date someone, you're walking with Jesus… go for it!” (Kay, [13:21])

4. Feelings vs. Commitment & Guarding the Heart

[13:56–15:13]

• Don't idolize feelings: “If you're gonna base your relationship on feelings, you are never gonna be satisfied… I don't base my relationship with Jesus on a feeling… If our relationship was based on a feeling, we would be getting married and unmarried every, you know, few days or so.” (Kay, [14:36])
• Guard the heart from chasing temporary emotions, focus on character and commitment.

5. Should You Date/Be in Relationship With a Non-Believer?

[15:25–15:40]

• Unanimous, unambiguous answer:
  “No.” (Eric and Kay, [15:37])

6. Can/Should You Date Multiple People at Once?

[15:41–22:47]

• Dating vs. “getting to know”: “Get to know is different from date.” (Eric, [15:50])
• Commitment matters: “That to me devalues commitment… how are you ever… can you not be committed for a couple weeks and find out if you like him?” (Kay, [16:03])
• Dating apps and divided attention: “A downside could be you could have too many 'plates spinning' at one time that doesn't allow you to focus.” (Eric, [18:27])
• Impact on the heart: “Worry about what it does to your heart and what it trains your heart for… for marriage one day.” (Eric, [21:08])
• Ultimate stance: Both land firmly on pursuing one at a time, with clarity and intentionality—high commitment in dating lays a foundation for high commitment in marriage.

7. On Commitment in Relationships and Marriage

[21:10–22:47]

• Never saying “divorce”: “We said right before we ever got married, we would never say the D word. Divorce. That word would never be uttered in our home, and we have stuck to that.” (Kay, [21:33])
• What you cultivate in dating carries into marriage: “Things roll over into your marriage whether you mean for them to or not… high commitment when you're dating is going to roll over into high commitment when you're married.” (Kay, [22:46])

8. Is Being "Emotionally Unavailable" Biblical? (Especially as an Excuse to De-commit)

[23:44–28:19]

• Understanding the term: Initially confusion—“I don't even know what that means.” (Kay, [23:56])
• Gender differences: Men may not be as emotionally attuned or expressive as women, but this isn’t an excuse for lack of emotional availability.
• Excuse to exit: Recognized as a common “exit phrase,” but Kay says, “That’s so dumb… Then you shouldn’t have got in to start with.” ([27:12])
• Better to end before marriage: “If a guy does tell you that, you really don't want to be united with him, because the commitment's gonna get harder after marriage, not easier.” (Eric, [28:04])
• Not biblical: Clear agreement that commitment is biblical, not bailing under the “emotionally unavailable” banner.

9. How Should a Man Lead in a Relationship?

[28:28–33:47]

• Servant leadership: “The kind of leader that Jesus is, is a servant… love your wife the way Jesus loves you. And so to be a leader is to love as Jesus loved, which means you serve her.” (Eric, [28:37])
• Go first, outdo in love: “Leaders go first. And so… you go first, you forgive first, you express first, you serve first, you pursue first.” (Eric, [30:31])
• Mutual humility and love: “Focus on outdoing each other in love. Not like, ‘I'm not gonna do that for him, he hasn't done anything for me.’ That is not the way it works. It will not work.” (Kay, [32:03])
• Practical example: Kay shares Eric's willingness to listen and affirm her emotional needs as everyday servant leadership. ([33:47])

10. Arranged Marriage & Community's Role

[34:09–35:58]

• Arranged marriage statistics: “Divorce rate globally for arranged marriages is 1% compared to 40% in America… But sometimes those are forced marriages, which is different.” (Eric, [34:19])
• Positive aspects: Arranged marriages involve community/family input and support—compelling, but acknowledged with humor that “cults do it” and there are limits.
• Not an actual recommendation, but highlights the value of wise community counsel and shared support in relationships.

11. Guarding Your Heart and Pursuing Purity in Dating

[36:12–40:26]

• Scripture cited: Matthew 5, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”
• Purity of heart = undiluted focus on Jesus: “When your heart is fully focused on Jesus, you are going to value the other person… want them to grow spiritually… want the relationship to either go to marriage or that the person loves Jesus more than before they started dating you.” (Eric, [36:34])
• Behavioral standard: “That you could go to that person's wedding and meet their spouse and shake their hand and look them in the eye and be proud of how you treated that person.” (Eric, [37:41])
• Motivation for dating: “Number one, that your heart is right going in… You're following Jesus, you're in a good, healthy place, and then you're clear with them about what you're doing.” (Kay, [38:48])
• Non-negotiables: “If you're loving and following Jesus and the boy is loving and following Jesus, that's non-negotiable… If you cannot have a boundary talk, you cannot date.” (Kay, [39:53])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On breaking up before it’s too late:
  “There was, like, years of time that could have been spent figuring out if someone else was the person that they were gonna marry.” — Eric ([03:48])
• On guarding feelings:
  “If you're gonna base your relationship on feelings, you are never gonna be satisfied.” — Kay ([14:36])
• On pursuing one interest at a time:
  “I didn’t sign up to be on The Bachelor… that would be a major turn off.” — Kay ([20:39])
• On leading like Jesus:
  “To be a Leader is to love as Jesus loved, which means you serve her… you look to serve her because your heart is overwhelmed with how Christ served you.” — Eric ([28:37])
• On purity:
  “Purity of heart… would be, I’m either going to marry this person or… I have a clear conscience before God that I treated this person the way Jesus wants me to treat this person.” — Eric ([37:41])
• On community in marriage:
  “Families that are… we’re in this together, we’re gonna help you together become one.” — Eric ([35:01])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Dating red flags & breaking up: [01:01–05:18]
• Young marriage: [05:20–10:29]
• God’s role in finding a spouse: [11:09–14:36]
• Feelings vs. commitment: [13:56–15:13]
• Dating non-believers: [15:25–15:40]
• Multiple dating/commitment: [15:41–22:47]
• Commitment’s long-term impact: [21:10–22:47]
• Emotional availability: [23:44–28:19]
• Servo-leadership for men: [28:28–33:47]
• Arranged marriage & support: [34:09–35:58]
• Purity and guarding your heart: [36:12–40:26]

Takeaways

• Commitment, not fleeting feelings, forms the foundation for healthy dating and marriage.
• Faith and character matter more than compatibility or chemistry alone.
• Don’t date or marry someone who isn’t walking with Jesus or who exhibits unrepentant major character flaws.
• It’s OK—and even beautiful—to marry young, if you’re mature and truly ready to commit.
• Be honest, clear, and upfront about intentions and set godly boundaries in dating.
• Lead in relationships the way Christ leads the church—through service, humility, and self-sacrifice.
• Let community and trusted mentors speak into your relationships.

For more resources and to connect, visit marinerschurch.org