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Welcome to Mariners Church Weekend Message Podcast. Inspiring people to follow Jesus and fearlessly change the world. Discover your purpose and get connected by visiting MarinersChurch.org or click the link in the show notes.

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All right. I'm so glad that we are together today. If we haven't met, my name's Eric, I'm the senior pastor. You're here. If you are a guest with us, welcome. I want to talk about two sexual revolutions. You have heard of the second, that's the 1960s, but I want to be sure that you have heard of the first. The first sexual revolution took place about 2,000 years ago in the Greco Roman world. This is the Roman Empire that is ruling. But you've heard the term Greco Roman thought. It is the way of thinking and the way of life, Greeks and Romans together, that influenced the entire culture. And it is how people lived and made choices in every area of their life, including sexually. When it came to the sexual ethic in the Greco Roman world, it was common for a man to have a wife for social appearances and for his household to have a mistress on the side for intimacy. And because a third of the Roman Empire was in slavery, to then use slaves for any sexual pleasure that this person wanted to pursue at all. That was common in the Greco Roman Empire. Then a revolution started. And the revolution actually came from Christians. What took place is Jesus died on a cross, we believe as Christians, for our sin was resurrected from the dead. And then the faith started to spread. In fact, the same roads that were used for Pax Romana to spread Roman peace were used by the early Christians to take the message of real peace of Jesus all throughout the world. So people started to become Christian. The Christian faith spread so rapidly. And then they started to ask questions, these early Christians, what does my faith have to do with my sexual choices? Does the Christian faith impact how I live sexually? And the answer is yes, it does, deeply. So in fact, some of the early Christian writings just changed how people lived in a, in a big way. We'll look at some of those writings today. And this was really the first sexual revolution. This chart helps explain it that the Greco Roman sexual ethic and the Christian sexual ethic was very different when it comes to consents. Consent. The Greco Roman world, they, they didn't have a concept of consent. Christians brought in. No, there must be mutual consent when people come together sexually. Women in the Greco Roman world were viewed as property. And then Christians brought in. No, women are not property in the Roman culture. They weren't even considered first class citizens. But Christians said, no, women are created in the image of God, just like men are created in the image of God. And the value of women was held very high. Women were highly esteemed in the early church. They weren't property. They're the partner of the husband was the Christian sexual ethic. And then men in the Greco Roman world, it was all about sexual fulfillment. If you have an urge, just go for it for fulfill yourself sexually. And then Christians started to teach, no, it's not about fulfillment. It's about faithfulness to God and if you're married to your spouse. Lots of historians have chronicled this revolution that Christians brought into the world. In his academic work, which is highly popular, Rodney Stark, the Rise of Christianity, he taught that Christians brought boundaries of consent, monogamous marriage, and treating women with respect. Kyle Harper, in his work Shame to Sin, chronicles the sexual revolution that Christians brought into the world. That Christian sexual ethics reshaped society by promoting the idea of personal responsibility and honoring one's spouse, which was revolutionary. And so the first sexual revolution many people haven't thought about came about because of Christians. And it was an adding of boundaries, and it was good for people. The boundaries actually brought flourishing for women and for children and for society. In fact, if you went back in time now, 2,000 years ago, when you told people 2,000 years ago, hey, this Christian sexual ethic, it's gonna hurt you, they would have said, what? No, no. The Christians brought in this really beautiful sexual ethic that has been good for us. It was a glorious sexual ethic. That's the first sexual revolution. The second sexual revolution is the one that most of us are thinking when we hear the term sexual revolution. It's the 1960s. It is free love. It is women's empowerment. I ask people, what do they think of when they think of the sexual revolution? Some say, I think of Ginny from Forrest Gump. That's what I think of when I think of the sexual revolution. And people now historians and sociologists, because this was the 60s, we're now 2025, they're starting to write very thoughtful works asking the question if it was good. So the first sexual revolution added boundaries that were good. The second sexual revolution, though the 1960s, removed boundaries, removed boundaries of the traditional marriage and the traditional view of what a family would look like. And it was about empowerment and pursuing anything you want to do sexually. Historians say, really, what took place is two things converged. A rise in contraceptive technologies where humans, you can have sex and not worry about getting pregnant. And also a lot of message about pursuing yourself and finding happiness in yourself and you, be you, and individualization, individualization messages. Those two things converged, and people started to explore sexually. But now people are saying it doesn't seem as if it worked. Miriam Grossman was a psychiatrist at ucla, and she knows that the sexual revolution promised that there would be greater happiness. But as she counseled students on the campus of ucla, she says she saw it only bringing sadness. This is what she wrote in her book Unprotected. This is after she counseled more than 2,000 students as a psychiatrist on the campus of UCLA. She says, on my campus, sexually active students are more likely to seek counseling and rate their relationships as stressful. Almost daily I prescribe medication to help students cope with loss and heartbreak. There is no condom for the heart. She says, the sexual revolution's not made the students that I see happier. Louise Perry wrote the book the Case against the Sexual Revolution. She describes herself in her work as a feminist. And she's saying, the sexual revolution hurt us women because we were told it would give us greater power, but actually it has made connecting and relationships more and more challenging. And she concluded, we have transitioned from one form of feminine subservience to another, but we pretend this one is liberation. So she says, the sexual revolution actually has hurt us women. Others are showing that it's hurt children and hurt families. In the book Adam and Eve after the Pill, Mary Ebstad writes, the erosion of traditional family structures and sexual boundaries has left many people, especially children, more vulnerable, not less so. Children are harmed. And she writes. And then Mark Regeneras, he wrote a book interviewing lots of young adults and asking them what they hope from life and how is the sexual revolution impacting them. The name of the book is called Cheap Sex because he believes that sex in our culture has just been cheapened. Where it's so easy to get it, you just swipe. You just swipe to get some type of sexual pleasure, some type of sexual pleasure. But he writes, the route to marriage, something that the majority of young Americans, those are who he was interviewing still assert as a goal, is more fraught with years of failed relationships than in the past. He says the sexual revolution is actually hurting young people. So the first sexual revolution added boundaries, and it helped. The second sexual revolution removed boundaries. And I want you to see that many authors who don't write from a Christian perspective are saying the removal of boundaries has actually hurt us boundaries. Anytime you are in a conversation about sexual ethics, boundaries comes up. And the current chief boundary in our culture this is what you hear out in the world. This is common. As long as no one is hurt, or as long as there is consent, anything goes. And you are hearing me say, as Christians, we believe there absolutely must be consent. Of course there should be consent. But is that a strong enough boundary? Is that all the boundary you really need? Jonathan Haidt is a renowned professor at nyu, and he wrote the book the Righteous Mind. He opens the book with this shocking illustration that he gives students who are in school at nyu. And he knows the students he's speaking to believe that the. The chief boundary around sexual choices is as long as no one is hurt. And so he wants to poke at them and get them to consider, is that really a strong enough boundary? So he opens class and he opens his book with this illustration. And it is shocking, but it's his illustration, not mine. Hang with me. He says, a man goes to the supermarket every Tuesday and buys a frozen chicken, brings the frozen chicken home, has sex with it, and then cooks it and eats it. Is it wrong? And he says, the vast majority of students say that's disgusting. And yes, it's wrong. To which he says, but why is it wrong? There's no violation of consent. This chicken is already dead. And no one knows of the event, so no one could be mentally troubled by it. Well, you now know, so you can be mentally troubled, but you get his point. And so the students, he says they have a hard time articulating why it's wrong. And so he just says, can you consider that you need a stronger boundary than just consent, that you need a stronger boundary than just as long as no one is hurt? Boundaries. Sex has often been compared to fire because fire is powerful and. And because fire can bless and fire can damage. We are living currently through the devastation of the LA fire, so we know that fire can bring great havoc and great damage. Sex like fire is powerful. It can damage. But sex like fire can also bless. Many of you enjoy sitting around a fire pit and having conversations with people and connecting with people. And the fire serves as the backdrop for the. This amazing evening of conversation. What is the difference between fire that blesses and fire that damages boundaries? Boundaries is the difference between fire that blesses and fire that damages. And what is the difference between sex that blesses and sex that damages boundaries? And so I want us to look in the scripture today and see a vision for sexual. If this is your first time to Mariners Church, welcome. So glad. So glad you're here. We're in a teaching series called on the Table where we put major questions on the table. That's what you've walked into today. And this question, why does God care who I sleep with? Is the biggest question I think, in our current culture that Christians have to answer. You're going to get asked this, if you're a Christ follower, why do you believe that? Why does it matter? Now, some of you have heard some bad messages about sex. Perhaps you grew up in the generation I grew up. And you went to youth group and you heard some really bad sermons in youth group. I mean, they were really bad. They were like, don't have sex because you can get a disease. And here's some pictures of the diseases that you can get. They were bad. They were bad. Or maybe you've been to church and you've heard some good messages about sex. Where it was. Here's what the Bible teaches about sex. And those are really helpful messages. This one's gonna be a bit different today because this is why. Why does it even matter? Why does God care who I sleep with? I want us to go back to the very first time that sex is mentioned. And it's early in the Bible. It's the second chapter in the Bible, and it's right after God has created Adam and Eve and placed them in the garden. And this is what God's word says. This is Genesis, chapter two, verse 22. And I do. I noticed that we still have some kids in here. It's only going to get more intense. Okay, verse 22. Then the Lord God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said, this one at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. This one will be called woman, for she was taken from man. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one, one flesh. Both a man and his wife were naked, yet they felt no shame. This is God's word. Why does God care who I sleep with? Some have said the whole reason that God gives sex is for procreation, for kids to come into the world. Some Christians have said that. There's been some Christian scholars who have told married couples, you shouldn't have sex because you should conquer your desires. Stoic philosophers for lots of time throughout history have said, listen, don't have sex even if you're married, because you want to conquer your desires. It's one of the reasons that I could never be a stoic. I could never be a stoic for that reason. It's also not the vision at all that God gives in the Scripture. Yes, procreation is part of sex, but it's not the vision we see in this passage. The vision we see in this passage of sex isn't even pleasure, although pleasure is surely part of sex. But the vision we see in this passage. The very first time that sex is mentioned, when why does God care? Is because it's oneness. I want to be sure you notice the order in the passage. A man leaves his father and mother, so he no longer is a boy. He doesn't stay at home and get cared for by his father and mother. He becomes a man. He leaves, and then he bonds with this woman. He commits to this woman. And then they become one flesh. The order is that sex happens after he has committed to her. And they become one flesh. The order is of this oneness between two like opposites. Adam and Eve. They're like opposites. They're like each other in that they're both human. Adam and Eve are. But they're opposite each other in that Adam is a male and Eve is a female. And when you read through the creation narrative in Genesis 1 and 2, you see multiple like opposites coming together. So you see heaven and earth come together. Night and day come together. Land and sea come together. Male and female come together. And it's really a beautiful picture. I don't want you to miss what the scripture is showing. The scripture's actually giving us a glorious picture that God wants to come together with us. Because he's the ultimate like opposite of us. We are like him in that we are created in his image. But we're opposite him in that he's the Creator and we're the created. And all of these like opposites coming together are giving the glorious picture that God will one day come together with us. And so Adam and Eve are the like opposites. They come together. The picture of sex that God gives in this passage is that of oneness. In fact, scholars point out that because Eve is created from the rib of Adam. That when they come together sexually, they're actually reconnecting. And so God gives sex as a gift. Not only for a husband and wife to consummate their marriage, but for them to continually connect together fully. Not just physically, but fully. And God's design for sex between the husband and wife in marriage is that they will have amazing connecting sex. That actually married couples who have sex, according to research, have better sex than those who are single and are sexually active. That's what two counselors, psychologists, wrote in their Book, his brain, her brain. Married couples have better sex than those who are single and having sex. I shared this with our young adult community on Thursday night. Some of them were surprised, but I told them, guys, listen, I'm speaking to a lot of guys in their young 20s. I'm like, I know some of you are thinking that you are going to live throughout your 20s and have as many sexual partners as you can and early 30s. You're just gonna have as much sex as you can, and then one day later you'll settle down and you think that you're having better sex than I'm having because you look at me and you're like, wow, Eric's having sex with the same woman for 28 years. And I have with Kay for 28 years. Thank you, baby. And the first time that we had sex was on our wedding night 28 years ago. But I told the guys, I told the guys on Thursday night. I said, guys, you think you're having better sex than me? But the research says, guess who's having better sex? It's me. It's not you. It's me. It's not you. And if you want to have better sex, according to the research, young men, here's what you do. You love Jesus, you pursue him. And then you find a wife and you pursue her and you commit to her, you honor her, you love her, you cherish her. And then you come together sexually and you have great sex with that woman for the rest of your life. That's what you should do. Young men. So God's design for sex, is that more research about this? A sociologist, Brad Wilcox, he wrote in his book Get Married that married couples who attend church together have more frequent and better sex. And all God's people said, amen. Amen. So this passage, this passage here, it's the second chapter in the Bible and it's starting to help us answer the question, why does he care? Now, here's what's fascinating. When you keep studying the Bible, you'll see this passage often referenced when sex is resurfaced in the scripture. When Jesus talks about marriage in Matthew 19, he references this passage. When the apostle Paul talks to men about their sexual ethics, he references this passage. In fact, I want us to go to that passage in First Corinthians 6, and I want us to see what the scripture says. As Paul writes, a group of people who lived in a sex craved culture, sex crazed culture of Corinth. In fact, historians tell us that 1 in 30 residents in Corinth were prostitutes and so many of the men had become Christians and they had been going to a temple to see a prostitute, and then they followed Jesus and they're wondering, does their faith now impact their sexual choices? And Paul writes to them and says, absolutely, it totally impacts your sexual choices. Your faith does. And I want you to notice in his text, in his scripture, this is, by the way, one of the documents that brought in the sexual revolution that helped women, children and society. I want you to notice that he references back to the passage in Genesis. I want you to notice the emphasis on oneness. Verse 16 of First Corinthians 6. Don't you know that anyone joined to a prostitute is one body with her? For scripture says. Now he's going to quote the passage we read in Genesis. For Scripture says, the two will become one flesh. But anyone joined to the Lord is one spirit with him flee sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body. But the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. Don't you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God. You were not your own, for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body. This is God's word. He's writing to a group of people similar to us, who were thinking, isn't it just sex? In fact, when you read the verses above, you'll see that the common argument was food for the stomach, stomach for the food. Essentially, when I'm hungry, I get something to eat. When I'm thirsty, I get something to drink. When I'm horny, I have sex. It's whatever I feel like. It's just sex. What's the big deal? And Paul is writing and saying, no, no, it's not just sex. He goes back to the passage we read at first. It's union. It's not just sex. And you know that sex is different from every other sin, different from every other activity you ever do. Sexual immorality is a sin against God and against people, just like every sin is. But Paul says sexual immorality is a sin against you. It's against your body. It hurts you. Why does God care who you sleep with? Cause he cares about you. You know that sex is different. When you think about it, if you have ever been in a fight or a friend of yours was ever jumped by a group of guys and they get bruised up two months later when the bruises are gone, typically the person has moved on from a physical abuse or a physical attack. And I say this with great compassion because I know this is some of your story, but whenever someone is sexually abused, they don't just move on. For some, they carry that with them for the rest of their life. Yes, we believe God brings healing, but it is deeply impactful because it's not just physical, because sex is more than just physical. Sex is just different. It's different. And Paul is saying, men, you've become his. And so the boundary that God's given is your body's becoming one with somebody else. And so God's design for sex is that it would take place in the boundary of a husband and a wife in marriage. Now, this teaching that I'm teaching you right now is the most offensive teaching in our current culture that I ever give. Every time I teach this, there are people who I love and people who love me who are hurt by my teaching. And I never wake up and want to hurt somebody. You know that. You know I love you and you know I respect you. But this, in our culture, this boundary people say is so outdated, it's so 2,000 years ago. Or it can even be called bigoted. There's people in our church who have, in my office, who live with same sex attraction, have cried with me after a sermon like this and said, eric, your teaching has been so good for me. I love you. And they. And I love you. They're crying. I'm crying. Do you not see that when you teach that sex is only between a man and a woman, a husband and a wife, how hurtful it can be? And with tears streaming down my face, you know I love you, you know I respect you. But this is the boundary that I see in the text and that the church has held for 2000 years. It's clear, I know you want to push the boundary away. In fact, this teaching's so offensive not only to people who want to live sexual lifestyles of having lots of sex with anyone, but people who are in a same sex relationship or people who are living with someone and not yet married. This can come off so offensive. And you can wanna bow up because I get it, none of us like being told how to live. But this is the boundary that we see in the text. And I want you just to spend a moment because you know I love you. Just asking yourself, why is the boundary there? G.K. chesterton, he is a famous philosopher from years ago and he said, do not remove offense until you understand why it was put there in the first place. So can you just spend a moment and ask, why does it Matter. And I'm gonna give you one sentence. I'm gonna break it down into two parts to answer the question, why does God care who I sleep with first? Sex is union. Sex is not just physical. Sex is union. And God cares who you sleep with. Cause he cares about you. And his design in scripture is that you would be fully united with the person that you sleep with sexually. That you would give your whole self to someone, not just your body. That before you are united with somebody sexually, you are already united with the person. Legally, spiritually, socially, emotionally, economically. To be very plain, that you would be married with the person before you give your body to the person. That's God's design in the scripture. And if someone asks you for your body before they are willing to give them their. Their whole self to you, don't give them your body. God's design for you is that you would be fully united. And Paul, when he writes this, says to these group of Christians in Corinth, it's not even your body anymore. Let me just be straight up on what the passage he says means. He says to the guys, listen, I know some of you guys are still going to the temple to sleep with a prostitute. But bro, your body, he actually doesn't say bro. He says your body, your body is no longer your body. Because when Christ died for you, he purchased you. He bought you. He bought you, and you wanted him to buy you because you wanted your sin and shame removed. And so when Christ died on the cross for you, it's no longer your body. Your body belongs to him. And to emphasize the point even more, the apostles Paul says, then after you believed in Jesus, the spirit of the living God lives in you, moved within you, and your body is now a temple of the Holy Spirit. He gets very explicit. He says, so guys, listen, if you go to the temple and sleep with a prostitute, you are taking the body of Jesus and uniting the body of Jesus with a prostitute. That's what he says. He says that sex is union. It's union. And so this is no longer your body. It's his. It's his. And so honor God with your body. He holds a high view of you, that you are not merely an animal. I shared several years ago, I mean, several weeks ago, in the masculinity sermon that my dog Roscoe, which many of you think is cute, is actually, he's a deadbeat dad because he has six kids that he doesn't ever see. And Maggie, the woman he impregnated or whatever, the woman, the dog, not the woman, the dog. He had sex with another dog, Roscoe did, and her name was Maggie, and she's a dog of people in our Gosh, this illustration is not going well. He had kids with this other dog named Maggie, but he's a horrible dad. He would not recognize his kids. He would. If Maggie walks in, he would see her like he sees any other dog. He will try to sleep with any dog that shows up in our front yard. Or your leg. Or your leg. But you're not an animal. And we speak of sex often, like we're talking about the birds and the bees. You're not the birds and the bees or a dog. You are an image bearer of God. And if you're a Christian, you are purchased by Jesus. And if you're a Christian, the spirit of the living God lives within you. So you honor God with your body. Now, you deciding that you want to live by this boundary doesn't mean you won't have temptations or desires outside of this boundary. So if you're married, doesn't mean you won't struggle with lust outside of the boundary. It doesn't mean that you won't be tempted to step outside of the boundary. Doesn't mean you won't be tempted to look at pornography or look at pornography. It doesn't mean that if you commit to this boundary, that if you live with something, same sex desires or same sex attractions, that you won't still live with the same sex attractions. You just have to decide, are you going to submit to the boundary that God has given in scripture? I encourage you to listen to the podcast this week. If I had more time, I interview Sam Alberry. He wrote the book why Does God Care who I Sleep With? And he's a Christian who lives with same sex attraction. And because he lives with same sex attraction, and yet he believes the boundary in scripture is. Is what I'm defining today. He's decided to live the rest of his life as a single celibate man. And so we talk about, what does that mean? How much denying of joy is that? How much denying of happiness is that for you? And he says, and he believes that the most joyful person who has ever lived is Jesus, who lived as a single celibate man. And that ultimate joy is not in fulfilling our earthly desires, but ultimate joy is obeying and following Jesus. That's ultimate joy. So, number one, sex is union, and number two, it actually points to a greater union. So sex isn't only about procreation or pleasure. And it's not Only even about the union that you have between your husband, between a husband and a wife, it actually points to an even greater union. This is really beautiful. I don't want you to miss the whole story of the Scripture. When Adam and Eve are brought together and they become one flesh. Notice the verse we read, verse 25 of Genesis 2. The scripture says that they felt no shame. So they come together, they are fully united, and there is no shame. It gives us a picture about what God's about to do throughout the Scripture. Because then you keep reading in the Bible and you see that God calls himself the bridegroom of Israel, who He brings into a relationship with Himself. He calls Israel his beloved, his essentially, Israel is his bride, and he makes Himself one with his people, and he tells his people to be faithful to Him. Then you keep reading the scripture, you get to Jesus. Jesus arrives here and Jesus calls himself the bridegroom. And he comes here to pursue for himself a bride. And those of us who believe in him, we confess our faith in Jesus. We become his, and we become one with Him. And just as Adam and Eve became one in the there was no shame. When you become one with him, there is no shame. So if you live with pain and regret from some of the sexual choices you've made when you've stepped outside the boundary, as I have lived with pain and regret from some of the sexual choices I made before I submitted myself to Jesus, you do not have to carry your pain or your shame or your regret because Jesus carried all of your shame and all of your sin to the cross. When you with him, you are now one with him. And there is no shame, no shame because of Jesus. In fact, you keep reading and you see this metaphor throughout the scripture. You see the end of the Bible. Revelation 19. You who believed in Jesus, you are at this feast, this party, called the wedding Supper of the Lamb. The Lamb being Jesus, the one who was crucified for us, suffered on the cross for us. So Revelation 19 there's a wedding supper. The Bible begins in Genesis 2 with a wedding. It ends in Revelation with a wedding. It begins in Genesis 2 with a wedding, and there's no shame. It ends in Revelation 19 with a wedding. And there is no shame because those of us who were there because we believed in Jesus, According to Revelation 19, we are robed in righteousness. We are adorned in white robes. Why? Because God looks at us as if we are perfect, though we haven't lived perfectly. Because we have been robed in the righteousness of Jesus. Because when he went to the cross. He took all of our sin and our shame, but he also gave us all of his righteousness and all of his forgiveness. So if you have believed in him, he looks at you and he doesn't see the pain of your past. He doesn't see the sexual choices that you regret. He doesn't see your stains or your sin or your shame any longer. All that God the Father sees when he sees you is the righteousness of Jesus because you've been united with him. And there is no shame because of the good news of what Jesus has done for you. There is no shame. Now, some of you, even though you're understanding this message, it's a struggle because you're single and you so badly want to be married or married again and you wonder. You've asked me, is it okay for me to pray for a spouse? Yes. Should I pursue a spouse? If God desires? If God nudges you to go for it, yes. But even if you don't get married or married again in this life, I want you to know that what you're missing out on is the metaphor to the reality that you already have. See, marriage, it's important and it's beautiful, but it's just a picture, a metaphor of the ultimate reality of you being united with Christ. So even if you don't get married or married again, what you're missing is the metaphor. You already have the glorious reality that you are united with the one who satisfies the deepest longings of your soul, the one who is your Savior, the one who is the everlasting King. He is your forever Savior, and he will forever guide you, protect you and watch over you. You already have the ultimate reality. That's what you have with faith in Jesus. Lord, I pray that you will help us to embrace your truth, your clarity, and that we will experience your grace as we pursue you. I thank you for your forgiveness, your mercy, your tenderness towards us. I thank you that this message reminds us of your great love, that you pursued us as your own. We worship you now in response to your mercy towards us. In your name I pray. Amen. All right. Extend your hands, please, and let me pray a prayer of blessing over you as we go. Jesus, I pray you'd bless your sons and daughters this week that you would remind them that you are gentle and approachable and that you love them. Cause your face to shine on them. I pray they will experience your mercy and your joy this new week. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Go in peace. Have a great week.