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Welcome to the Win with Paid Ads podcast for small business owners, entrepreneurs and really anyone who has anything you want more people to find. Whether you're starting from ground zero or scaling an eight figure business, you are exactly who this podcast was created for. Because you being the best kept secret helps no one. Right? That's why in every episode I'll show you how you can use paid ads to hit your goals 10 times sooner. It's time you finally learn how to win with paid ads. You or someone on your team can do this. I'll show you how to score and be known by more. Let's get started. Welcome to the Win with Paid Ads podcast. Today I'm going to share with you something that I literally blacked out on a year ago when someone tried to teach me this. And now I realize it's because I did not have the capacity to hear it, to absorb it, or to soak it in at all. And finally, it is the reason that we just had a nearly $1.3 million launch and have had multiple seven figure launches in a row. And, and so today we're gonna talk about nervous system regulation. So one of my friends and actually clients, her name is Emily Giudice and she and I have been working together and she was actually a client of mine for quite a while. And the more I got to work with her, the more I realized there was this thing that I was avoiding. And I'm actually gonna share with you why I think I was avoiding that. Like, she actually really helped me get some perspective on why I avoided doing the work that I'm doing now. And so now I she's in my top tier program called the hall of Fame. It's exclusively for seven and eight figure entrepreneurs. She is in that program now because she has really killed it with her ads, which is so exciting. But the more I've gotten to work with her more closely, I realized just how much I needed what she was teaching, which is this nervous system regulation stuff. I can't wait to share with you. And so what my goal is for this episode is to say what are the things that I was resistant to and what are the biggest epiphanies that I've had since. Since really doing this work. So I'm really excited to jump in with that with you today. And honestly, if what I'm about to share feels like a lot, you are not behind. You honestly just might not have had the capacity to soak this in yet. And that is okay. That is where I was and what I want to Be able to do is pull you forward with me on this journey of your nervous system. So when you think about your nervous system. So if you google, what is your nervous system system? Okay, Is the nervous system is the body's primary control and communication network. It has the brain, the spinal cord, and a vast network of nerves. And so it regulates everything from conscious thoughts in the moments to involuntary functions like your heartbeat, your digestion, and using electrical signals to transmit information. So what I have realized is there is exponentially more tied to my nervous system than I ever realized. And so there are kind of these, like, three layers of your nervous system. Like, there's these three, like, facets. And so there are. There's this called the ventral vagal, which is at the top, which is your regulated state. That is where you are calm, you are safe, you are connected, you are present. And then there's the sympathetic, which is when you're activated and you're stressed. It's like that fight or flight mode. Then there's dorsal, which is when you are shut down and you're overwhelmed. And what I realized through working with Emily is that I have really been in fight or flight, that's sympathetic for a very, very, very long time. And so what I found is it was very rare that I was making it to the ventral vagal regulated state, But I would have moments in dorsal. And so what I realized is when I absolutely could not handle, like, another thought, I was like, I actually could not handle new information. Like, if someone said, could you buy this? Could you do this? Could you think about this? I could not compute. It's like there was no room. I was at absolute capacity. And so much so that sometimes I would just, like, shut down and be overwhelmed. I'm like, I can't do anything. And so the goal of nervous system regulation from what I learned with Emily is not that I stay and that you stay in ventral vagal and stay regulated. It's actually what she's taught me is that you can move up and down that ladder and be able to go from state to state to state. And your nervous system, like, the goal is not that you're always feeling great. That is such a common misconception. It's that you can hold when things don't feel good. And so that is the work that I have been working my booty on. And so I'm really excited to kind of share with you some stuff that I learned. So what I've done is I've kind of gathered the things that have stood out to Me the most. And the first thing that stood out to me the most is when she said impact over averages. And so your nervous system actually remembers impact over averages. So, for example, 98% of the clients that I work with are happy. They're like, this is the best thing I've ever invested in. This has changed my life. They had made millions of dollars. They've been able to hire their team, they've been able to pay off their cars, they've been able to get their time back. They've been able to be findable on other platforms. They are like, this is the thing that has absolutely changed my life and my business forever. And. And so as we've grown and We've got this $10 million company on our hands, what's happened is simply because of the volume of revenue and the volume of clients. It feels like to me, I'm like, more people are unhappy because 2% of 10 people versus 2% of 100 people versus 2% of 1000 people is a volume higher of more people. Right? And so for me, I'm like, man, like, it feels like we've had five people in the last year that were just the ones that are like, looking for excuses, not doing the work, blaming everybody else. And I'm like, at the end of the day, they weren't a good fit for this program anyway. Like, it's not an us thing. And if it's an us thing, we take the feedback, we apply it. Like, we are not perfect. I will just make that so dang clear. We take feedback, we make changes. And there are some people that no matter what we do, there is no way we could ever, ever, ever make them happy. And the good news is I'm regulated and I'm okay with that. I can hold that. I can say, listen, that's great. Let's get it taken care of and we're going to be all good. But what I realized was your body, your nervous system is going to respond to the impact that something has on you versus the average. Literally 98% of people are happy. When I did my in person event, we had our $1.4 million day in January of 2020. 25. In January of 2025. Yeah, that's what it was. There were probably three or four people out of 300. Okay. That were like, this was terrible. This was all these things. I wasted all this time and money and it was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They are having a response to something and is absolutely not mine to carry. Like, they are not looking for the best in every outcome. They are not looking for the good. They are looking for, excuse me, someone to blame. And it feels way easier to blame me on why their business isn't going like it is than them saying, I am the reason. I am the problem. And so I have to be okay with the fact. And you. You have to be okay with the fact that there are always going to be people that, no matter what you do, they're not going to be happy. They don't care about your process. They don't care about all these things. Like, they are just not the right people. And so when you think about in person over averages, your brain is not gonna track the average, and it's gonna track what felt most intense. And so even if you have a hundred good and one bad, you will literally remember the bad. And so one bad day on your ad performance will override the ten good good days. Like, you will get so frustrated over that one bad day because your nervous system is gonna respond to that. So the reframe is. Is this a pattern or is this just the loudest moment? And so what I've been able to do is I have been able to do what Emily has helped me do, which is create new lived experiences around the things that are negative. So let's think about this. If I had three people out of 400 that went to the challenge and said, I want a refund, that was not what I wanted. I could really think about how, like, when the challenge comes, I'm already anticipating. I'm like, well, what about those people that are like, this isn't for me, and they want the refund, and. And, like, my body is responding to the challenge, even though I love it, and it's the best. Like, it's the best week. It is so impactful. It changes lives. It's, like, so crazy how my body will actually respond with anxiety about the challenge when it's like, oh, my God, 99.9% of people are so happy. So what I've done is create new lived experiences on challenge week. So what that means is, on challenge week, I used to, like, respond to all my team messages, get on email, do a really intense workout. And now on challenge weeks, I sleep in, I go for a walk outside, I get a workout in, I sit in the sauna, I pray, I journal, and I eliminate everything off my calendar for the whole week except for these people in that challenge so that I can deliver my most resourced version of me to the people in the challenge. As a result of doing that. We just had our best challenge ever, because I was the most resourced, because I actually woke up with anticipation that this was going to be the most incredible day. And because I carried that energy with me, I carried it into the challenge, and these people were like, this was the most lit 5 days I've ever experienced. By the way, if you haven't experienced the challenge, you should click the link below this podcast or video and join us. And the one with Pay Dads Challenge. But it was so cool how my energy that I carried transformed these people. Like, whether they purchased the program or not, at the end, they were like, these five days changed my life and business forever. And it was because I couldn't look. I could not wait for look. Like, I could not wait. And I was still looking forward to waking up because of how I approached the week. And so now my nervous system was like, whoa, this feels so good. I'm so excited. I was like, I got to the end of the challenge, and I was like, I could do this again next week. And we do it every month or every other month maybe. But I was like, oh, my gosh, I felt so good. So now I look forward to it versus dread it, because I am teaching myself that there's, like, actually not just saying, hey, body, don't be stressed. It's like, no, body, this is gonna be the best week. And so that's been really freaking cool. And you have control over that. Like, you have control over your nervous system. And it's not by thinking about something. It's like, by giving the signals to your body, which is so cool. So let's see. The thought that I want to give you is, you can take anything from the dread you're feeling about it, anxiety about feeling it, to actually legitimately rewiring your brain for it to actually look forward to it. It can feel light, it can feel enjoyable. And that's exactly why I loved the challenge more than I'd ever loved it before. And now I have these tools in my tool set to be able to repeat it. So the other thing that Emily helped me realize was when things are happening in my business, maybe there's some team challenges, maybe there's some relationship challenges, maybe there's a client scenario or there's hiring challenges. I was communicating her, and I was, like, almost framing it as if something was wrong. I was like, hey, this is happening, and this is happening. And she helped me realize. She was like, just so you know, I just want to reflect back to you. Like, what you were saying is not Something is wrong. It was like, this is the byproduct of scaling a business to eight figures. So don't. You know, she was helping me think about how to not come at it. Thinking to myself, this is all mistakes. It's like, no, this is a byproduct of growth. Growth is inherently messy. This is all part of it. And I was like, wait, none of this is a problem. She's like, no, you're not trying to fix anything. Anybody who scales a business to eight figures to nine figures, they're gonna go through this. And this is not something that you can prevent. It is just something you can solve for now. And it's just part of the equation and part of the story. And so that really helped me think about not carrying the weight of I'm making all these mistakes. But this is absolutely part of me going from seven to eight figures. This is what scaling feels like. There's gonna be more team problems. There's gonna be more communication challenges. There's gonna be more revenue, there's gonna be more pressure, there's gonna be more visibility, there's gonna be more feedback. Nothing is wrong. This is just me holding more. And that is what it feels like. And it's uncomfortable because it is new. I've never had all these challenges, and I'm balancing at once. And so being able to just realize you're not making a mistake, you're literally on the trajectory of one of the fastest growing companies in America. This is normal. And so that felt really relieving. The other thing I shared with you earlier about the nervous system is that really helped me was that my goal is not to feel good all the time. That ventral vagal, that calm, safe, connected version is actually not the goal. It's to be able to have the tools to get there. And it's to be able to go from, I'm shutting down. I'm overwhelmed. I'm in fight. I'm in fight mode. I can hold this. And how can I go to regulation? So the goal is not to stay calm. It's to be able to move back to calm and actually know how to get there and to feel good about it. The next thing is about capacity. So I just didn't realize. So it's in this mastermind with these other entrepreneurs. And this was over a year ago, and Emily was teaching all this stuff like she was teaching the things that I just shared with you. And I could not absorb it. In fact, I actually ignored it. I was like, I cannot do this. And I realized it Was because I was in a place of such dysregulation that that is what your body does. Because it's trying to save me, it's trying to preserve me. It's like you can't handle another thing. And so there are going to be times in your life where you're like, I just can't with this. I absolutely can't. And that is okay. When you are ready, there's a way that you can get out of that and you can go from, you know, having all these open loops that feel like a problem. Like, think about it, the amount of texts, slacks, emails and requests that I get on a daily basis, it is insanity. And granted, we're going to be using AI to help alleviate some of this, but there's also things that I have to respond to. And I realized that what I was doing with all these open loops that I had in my life of things that need to be done, I was self soothing myself by fixing them. I was like, oh, don't go for your workout, just get the work done. Oh, don't go get your nails done, just get the work done. Oh, don't take care of yourself, Take a nap, Go to bed early, just get the work done. And what I realized is I was emptying my tank relentlessly and there was never a time where I was able to refill it. And so there is no world in which every loop is closed, because with every loop you close, it gives you space for another one to be open. And so me knowing that there will always be things that are awaiting my response and need me, and being able to hold that and be like, I'm gonna go get the facial anyway, that is capacity. That is me growing. That is me knowing that at the end of the day, me pouring from an empty cup helps absolutely no one. And it's just this cycle. And so I have been able to say, I can leave this, I can. I mean, leaving text unread for me, y', all, it's hard leaving voxers, leaving all these things as I will get to it when I can has been like a really great expansion moment for me. And so I just wanna let you know, you've got to prove to yourself that you can hold those loops and the whole ship doesn't fall down. Like, I. I really did think that. I legitimately thought if I don't answer them right now, they're going to think bad about me. They're going to keep score. They're keeping a Ashley's doing it wrong score tab. She didn't respond to me in 24 hours. She didn't get to this. And that was weighing me down so much. And listen, some people are going to keep score, and some people aren't. And so your thought of their keeping score might not actually be fact. It's simply just a thought. And so I had to prove to myself by leaving. I had to intentionally not respond to something. And it took me practice. I was like, okay, Let me wait five minutes. Let me make 10 minutes. I would take these little steps to be like, how long can I go to prove to myself that leaving the open loop does not destroy everything? And so I've gotten really good at it. And at the end of the day, I'm just on prioritization mode. Like, I'm like, what is the most important thing to respond to? I'll do that, and I'll get to the next thing and the next thing and. And the next thing. But I just have to be okay knowing we got a $10 million company here. There's a lot of requests of me, and I can hold these open loops, and the business will still go on. And you know what? It's done. It's forced my team to solve problems without me, because when I'm always there, they're like, getting back, and they're like, oh, my God, Ashley might not get back to me for four days. And it's like, what are you going to do? Are you going to use your resources? Are you going to use AI? Are you going to automate this off your plate? Are you going to ask for help? Are you going to use ChatGPT? Are you going to Google? Are you going to, like, what are you gonna do if I'm not getting back to you? And all of a sudden I realized, wow, when I don't respond, guess what? The work still gets done, and it didn't require me. That is the goal. I can't be the person that I was at a million and five million and ten million and fifty million and a hundred million. I literally have to become someone different. The whole what got you here won't get you there thing is legit, y'. All. Like, you can't be the same person. So I have to keep asking myself, what does $25 million Ashley require of me? Who is $50 million Ashley? And how does she behave? How does she respond? How does she delegate? How does she weigh? How does she respond? How. These are the things that caused me to delay doing this work. Because as Emily pointed out to me, she was like, you are in denial of the fact that what relieved you and what feels natural to you and what you've always done is going to have to, like, I'm gonna have to let that go if I want to get to where I know I can go. And she's not wrong. I get fulfillment out of solving the problem, but now I get fulfillment out of enabling my team to do it. It's like there's a pain at every level. And the pain is like, I'm having to do the work, and now the pain is I'm having to trust that someone else is gonna do the work. It's a pain either way. But one takes me out of the work and allows me to elevate as a CEO and work with our mastermind hall of fame clients and grow the business and grow the vision. One keeps me trapped and actually does a disservice to my clients and to my team. It prevents them from growing. And so that is the version that I am pursuing now. And I think if I could tie that up, it's the thought that you don't rise with more strategy. You rise with more capacity. And so my capacity and your capacity to hold more is what will allow you to achieve more and be more and live more. The next piece is, I kind of told her. I was like, hey, I am eating more than I know I need to be eating. Like, there's times where I'm, like, putting food in my mouth and I'm literally doing it. I'm so self aware. I'm like, you're not actually hungry, but this feels good. Truly. I'm like, the chocolate just, like, hits. You know what I mean? The protein ball. I'm like, oh, this protein ball. Of course I can eat it. And what I'm doing is I am saying, I'm not feeling good, and I don't have the tools to actually hold this feeling of discomfort. And so I'll get a quick hit by eating some food. That's what's really happening, if I'm being honest. And so what she helped me think about was that an urge is not a command. You feel the urge to eat. That is not a command to eat. The urge is data. And so now what I do is I'm feeling an urge. I'm actually hungry right now, I think, but it is lunchtime. But I'm like, okay, this is an urge. Am I actually hungry, or am I just feeling a little anxiety about all these open loops? Am I actually hungry or do I have a conversation in my, like, one of my Relationships that I need to have that's looming over me. Am I actually hungry or am I second guessing a conversation I just had? Right. And so I have been so self aware because there's a difference between being self aware and having self control. I'm self aware of the issue. I just didn't have the self control to not eat the protein ball. So there was this disconnect between the self awareness and the self control that I was struggling with. And so actually having her tell me like the urge is data really sitting back and thinking, where is that urge coming from? Where am I feeling it in my body and thinking about, is it in my belly? Is it in my heart, Is it in my brain? Like, where is that urge coming from? And then being able to say the urge doesn't have to be a directive. And, and so there are times when I'm eating. Like I am, I absolutely know I need to eat more. Like there was a time where I under ate for so long. And so I'm balancing this. Like, am I overeating or am I like satisfying an urge? And I am really realizing that one of the things that I could do better at is like I could eliminate snacking. Because when I'm snacking, it's because I'm lacking something. Like I'm lacking a feeling, I'm lacking a desire. Like there's a cup that is empty because of that. And so now I'm just self aware of it. And I am really moving to the identity of the person that can hold the discomfort and wait for the food. Because if you, if I can like have the urge come and I don't feed it, my nervous system will realize that I'm going to be okay when I feel that urge. I don't have to satisfy it. And eventually I'm going to be able to feel that urge and let it go. Feel that urge and let it go. That's going to become the normal versus feeling the urge and eating. Feel the urge and eating. Feeling the urge and eating and telling myself, it's almonds, it's okay, It's a protein ball, it's okay. It's a protein shake, it's okay. It's a meat stick, it's okay. Like, that's what I tell myself when I feel that urge. I'm like, oh, you're eating something good. But what happens is before I look at the end of the day, I'm like, okay, you are probably 2,600 calories in. I can absolutely tolerate 2200 for maintenance. But If I have something and I have some pants that I'm not wearing, I'm probably have to go to 2000, 100 or 2000. That's so sustainable and so possible, but it can't be. If there's a gap between my self awareness and between my self control and being really true of what is behind the urgent. Right. Cool. The next thing I wanted to share with you, and I'm actually going to talk about this in another episode, is about what happened at our Palm Springs Mastermind and how I was able to regulate when literally all hell broke loose. I don't know how else to say that, but all hell broke loose. And all I know is I'm sitting there and I'm like, my $40,000 tent is tumbling. The heaters at my event are, you know, spilling gas everywhere. The chairs of the wooden are the wooden chairs, and the nice tables are going everywhere. The furniture is getting dust all over it. Like, I had all het breaking loose. And I had my 100 clients from my mastermind who had flown across the country to be in Palm Springs, California. I'm sitting there in a chair getting my makeup done, and this beautiful setting with this beautiful venue that we had all set up that was $40,000 was literally a dust tornado. And I'll tell you all about it. But here is the cool thing. When all of that happened, I was calm. Robert is nodding right now behind the camera, but I was calm. And I was like, it's going to be okay. I knew that I had the opportunity to panic, micromanage, get frustrated, and had every reason to. And I decided that because I was resourced, I had gotten sleep. I had taken care of myself. I had played basketball that morning. I sat there in that chair, and I said, we have the ability to let this tent be the reason that this event does not go as well. Or we can get excited that Robert's out there filming it. It's part of the plot. It's going to be okay. And our clients are about to have the best event experience. And I have an opportunity to. To level up my leadership. I have an opportunity to be the calm and the chaos. I have an opportunity to trust my team and let them lead. And I have an opportunity to actually do what I say, which is that the good outcome will happen. And it freaking did. That was what nervous system regulation, like, meant for me. And so I didn't collapse. I held the grief of, like, losing the vision that I wanted for my clients to experience. And I'm gonna talk about that. In another episode. But. But I was able to feel the disappointment and still lead through it. My team trusted me, and I was able to actually have them, like, reflect back to me that they were like, you were a different person, and that was someone that they wanted to like. That's the leader that they want. And listen, I'm a human, you're a human. We're going to have moments where we're like, oops, wasn't regulated. Freaking freaked out. Okay? We're humans, and I'm not asking for imperfection in myself, and I don't expect perfection for myself. What I do expect is progress, and I had an opportunity to progress and be the best version of me, and that was because of these tools. So I just want to encourage you. You don't scale your business by doing more. You scale your business by becoming someone who can hold more. And I was able to do that, and it was really cool. And I'm so proud of me for that. And I am so proud of you for even just making it to this part of the episode, because I'm certain that one of these tools you can use. And this is just something I want to, like, help you see the big picture of. I love saying, okay, that was the story. What's the big picture? The big picture is two things. Number one, there are people that are better at things than you are. I am likely more skilled at ads than you are. Emily was more skilled at nervous system regulation than I was, and the proximity to her and your proximity to me and my team will be able to say, here's where you are. Here's where you could be. So for her, it's nervous system regulation. For me, it's findability. For you, it's the revenue for you and your proximity to my team, and I could be the thing that allows you to grow more quickly than you could have on your own. I can't tell you how Emily did nervous system regulation. We've been friends for years, and I went on vacation with her, and I didn't realize that there's friend Emily and there's coach Emily, and they are two different people. And so me thinking through osmosis of being her friend, I could get all this. No. I needed someone who had my perspective, my experience that could see the things that I needed to see. Just like I can see the things you need to see with your ads, with your strategy, with your messaging, with your funnel, with your sales process. All of those things I can see because I have the different perspective than you. Right? You. She could see what my gaps, I can see yours. And that is why you belong in the Win with Paid Ads challenge. I don't care if you are just getting started or have a six, seven or eight figure business. I can see the path for you so clearly. And when you get a VIP ticket, I get an opportunity to say this is you on your business. What is your next move when it comes to ads? Just like she could see my next move when it comes to me being a more regulated and empowered leader. So I hope this episode was helpful. Click the link below, get your ticket to the Win with Paid Ads challenge and I can't wait to see you on the next episode.