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Adam
Hey, everybody. Welcome to Manager Martinis. I'm Adam. Here's Danielle.
Danielle
Hello.
Adam
This. This was. This was a rough one, by the way, this show that we're going to be talking about today. What. What made you want to discuss this on an episode?
Danielle
Oh, well, I don't know. Why do you think I wanted to discuss it on an episode?
Adam
What would you. I'm sure I could come up with a thousand reasons.
Danielle
All right, so what do you think?
Adam
Well, I. Obviously, things that are going on today in the world and what young boys and young men are learning that's out there and what's happening because of the availability of certain things that are out there. But I had a question for you because they mentioned in the episode, you've mentioned in the past about Andrew Tate.
Danielle
Yeah.
Adam
And I know nothing about him. I never heard him. I don't know what he said. I don't know anything. I'm just kind of getting an idea of.
Danielle
Did you look him up?
Adam
I didn't look him up because I wanted to hear from you on here, like, what. What that was all about. So I kind of left that separate. So I can guess, you know, based upon what this is all about. So I just don't know the specifics.
Danielle
Well, I mean, specifics are basically that he's. Well, it's he and him and his brother. But really, Andrew Tate is the most famous one. And he really. I think that there are certain levels of this bro culture and manosphere, which we'll talk about those terms.
Adam
Right.
Danielle
But I think that he really was sort of like this, the pinnacle of this changing point of. Of saying things that for years, really, men have been afraid to say, you know, out in the open, very, very sexist violence, violent misogynists. Worse, it's even the next level misogyny. And his whole goal kind of is to take young boys and manipulate them into this kind of culture. Right. It's. I don't want to say it's a cult, but, you know, think about how. How easy it is to influence young Boys on top of that, you know, he. Right now he's about. Look, there's a whole thing about how the Trump administration apparently negotiated and used their diplomacy in Romania. So he and his brother were in Romania on. About to be on trial for sex trafficking, rape. I mean, they're. They're really off. I mean, awful people. And the Trump administration, you know, even though Trump said, oh, I didn't know he. Was he on a plane here? Oh, I didn't know. But while we're supposed to be deporting, quote, unquote criminals, he let. Even if he isn't responsible for bringing them in, which all. All signs point to the fact that he is. Um, he also, when they got here, wasn't like, no way, turn that fucking plane around and take them out. And there are a lot of reasons for that, which we can get into. You know, my opinion for that. But, you know, he has a huge platform. He was banned on Twitter back in, I. I think like 2017, maybe. No, must have been a little after that. And then Elon Musk reinstated him. And so, you know, and again, he's got tons of followers. He's got every social media. He had a podcast, which Spotify just recently decided to take down after petitions and people being really pissed. And, you know, so he has all of these platforms and these young boys who are feeling. And you know, this is a long time of this, are feeling like they. They want a role model or they want to be in something, and at school they're left out or they feel excluded, are welcome there. And it's not just boys. Girls are getting into this also. And girls are also very impressionable. And especially, you know, if you're self conscious, if you are someone who really is a. Wants to be in the in crowd, in the know, then this is a place that they can get that has this.
Adam
I. Like you said, there has got to be such a spectrum of the bro culture and the like. Right. I mean, has this evolved into this? Because, I mean, it's as innocent as, you know, I was a kid and we call our friends bro. You know what I mean?
Danielle
Yeah.
Adam
Was that kind of the start of the bro culture of. Because it wasn't ill intended. It wasn't. It was just, you're my bro, you're my friend. That's all it meant.
Danielle
Yeah. I mean, I, you know, I think a lot of people just say bro, and, you know, and now the whole thing is bruh.
Adam
Right? Like, is that why it transformed? Maybe?
Danielle
I mean, I think that it. Yes. I Think that it, it certainly. Look, the whole joke about podcasts is that it's so many of these, you know, these guys who have a microphone and just spew bullshit garbage out into the world and they have a platform, right? I mean there's between that and social media, it's hard to keep them from influencing people, from influencing society. And you know, one of the things you, you always have said is that, you know, you listen to Joe Rogan because you miss being with friends, you miss being with guys. And, and I think that one of the issues in all of that, and I'm not just talking about you, I'm talking about tons of men, is that there's this idea that men don't have time to do the actual work, right? To put the effort into actual relationships to build bonds with their friends in real life, I hear it from women all the time that their husbands don't have really good friends or good friends who they think are good influences on them. Right? And, and so when you're in the car and you are going to work and you're working all day and you don't have much time for socializing and everything, you listen to these, these dudes and you get that hit of bro, you know, like that hit of bonding. Although you're not bonding because it's a one way conversation but, but it feels like that. And you know, like you said the interviews and this and that, but all of that is very insidious because all of that you'll find there's, there's all of these gateways to the harsher version of what it is. For instance, you'll, you know, I just read this whole article about Maha, right? The Make America Healthy Again and you know, the anti vaccine and you know, the anti, like they're just anti science basically. A lot of that starts in the wellness industry because a lot of the, well, you know, quote unquote wellness, which is a multi billion dollar industry, a lot of that is based in, in changing your physical appearance to appeal to the opposite gender, right? So you're starting with this platform of, or this space of just changing yourself physically to more appeal to the opposite sex.
Adam
Okay, I don't think that's the only reason, but that's part of it.
Danielle
No, it's not the only reason. But a lot of, you know, a lot of ways that people start following these influencers and you know, listen to certain podcasts or whatever is because they're equating it with health, right? That's the wellness. It's not you know, it's not diet and exercise, it's wellness. So it's this insidious term that has this umbrella of very vague ideas that are mostly not rooted in science. Right. They're rooted in a guy or a girl who found a product or is promoting a brand or, you know, all of these things that people think that watching these videos is education. They're not actually, you know, again, because we're so busy, these, we, we rely on these snippets, these three minute, you know, one minute to three minute videos of this is how you do it. And it's like, great, that sounds easy enough. And then from there these influencers sort of, you know, their guests are maybe a little bit deeper into that culture or they're starting to talk about things that, you know, aren't just physically based or like there's a whole kind of rabbit hole.
Adam
Get in on the fact of like, if it starts, it just, you know, like exercise and eat healthy.
Danielle
Yeah, great.
Adam
Yes, I believe in that. Right. I, I'm not trying to attract, you know, another woman. You know, I'm, I feel better when I work out, I feel better when I eat. It's, I don't know the science behind it. I'm sure there is, but that's, in my opinion, a fact. It's better to exercise and eat healthy. So if you're following somebody who you enjoy, who does the right things, if they have a guest that's like, yeah, do that. And then here's this too. And I think is what you're saying.
Danielle
Yeah, you just get deeper and deeper.
Adam
Yeah, it's like, don't just diet and exercise. You should also be whatever, you know, meditating, which leads to something else. Which leads to something else. You know that. So I think that's what you're saying.
Danielle
Well, meditating is kind of separate, but I get what you're saying.
Adam
I just, that was the first thing that.
Danielle
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, that's a little bit separate. But yes, it's all, look, it's all about shrinking, you know, confining, restricting. And that is really a lot of what, what the society wants, especially from women. Right. Confine, restrict, you know, discipline, don't, you know, be willing to be, quote, unquote, open minded, but open minded about things that are outside of fact based information. So, you know, a lot of times when I argue with people, they'll say, you know, if you adjust research. But the research they're talking about isn't real research. It's research done by somebody who is pushing something like an agenda, you know, and that's how. Look, you know, RFK Jr turning out as the director of Health and Human Services. I mean, it's a joke. And there are people who really think he is going to change the course of health. And obviously that's a. I mean, look, there's measles outbreak right now, bigger than there's been in years. People are dying, kids are dying and a lot of moms are doing these measles parties and these, you know, so their kids get it. But even if you don't die from measles, there are tons of complications that can happen. And you know, you're putting your kid through stuff. And so there's so many ways. Candace Owens. I don't know if you know Candace Owens. She, you know, she got very big into the. Have you heard of like the. Justin Beldoni and Blake Lively. They did this movie together and anyway, it's become a spectacled. So stupid. Like I, if I, I'm like, I do not want this information. Like it's all over the place. I mean people are obsessed. And Candace Owens knows that people are because it's sort of a her word versus his word. Right. Are you blaming Justin Baldoni because, you know, sexual allegations or are you blaming Blake Lively? Is she lying? Is she And Candace Evans. Kenneth Owens on her platform now talks about it a lot. But then she gets into her far right wing rhetoric and people are already pulled in and she, you know, she is. I mean, I don't know if bright is the right word, but she is bright. I mean, she's, she's, you know, she is strategic and she knows what she's doing. And so to go back to the bro culture. Yes. There are certain levels and it is a little bit like a drug. Like once you sort of have inhaled that level of. Oh, this is. This feels really good to feel this masculine or to feel this, you know, to feel this part of something or to you know, be a part of this kind of rogue movement of, of.
Adam
Thing like, or for, you know, if you're a young guy, if you're a kid or even a young man or whatever. And you feel like you have no place. You're kind of.
Danielle
Yeah.
Adam
You know, like not a popular kid or whatever.
Danielle
And then you go home and look, it's gaming. Video games are a huge gateway to. I mean, how many even adults, these men who do it and they have a whole other life on video games. And so, you know, so with adolescents it's this look, it's the start of a conversation. Right. And the timing of it is really interesting. And Stephen Graham, who wrote it with another guy, I'm trying to remember his name, who the other guy is who wrote it with, trying to find where, who he wrote it with. Anyway, I'll, I'll find it. But, you know, he, he used specific incidents that have happened. There has been violence of teenage boys against teenage girls in Great Britain. And so he kind of used that overall thing. And a lot of it is from getting caught up in this incel culture, this manosphere culture. And of course, a lot of that happens in social media. And so people's first reaction is, you got to restrict your kids social media. But to me, it's. That is such a small piece of the puzzle, and I think that it goes so beyond that about how we need to make sure that our kids know wherever they are. Social media, video games, at school, at camp, where, you know, in sports, in extracurricular activities. They need to know what is acceptable behavior and what is red flag behavior.
Adam
Race the rudders.
Danielle
Race the sails.
Adam
Raise the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is a approaching. Over. Roger, wait. Is that an enterprise sales solution?
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Adam
Yeah, when, when I was watching Adolescence, they mentioned social media like twice for two seconds. It was not a big part of the show. Like, I was waiting for them to get into it. I didn't know it was only, what was it, five episodes or something?
Danielle
Four.
Adam
Four. So I was waiting for the explanation. I was waiting for the who. And like, they, you know, they mentioned Andrew Tate's name. They, you know, but it's two split seconds that they just said he was on social media or something like that, that, you know, so I wanted more from the show about that, but it didn't happen. So it was almost like it was such an important aspect of the whole story, but mentioned for, for no time whatsoever.
Danielle
Well, do you know why that is? You have any, like, do you have any, like, ideas about why you think.
Adam
That might be why they didn't get into.
Danielle
Yeah, any of it. You said they just mentioned Andrew Tate. You know, we see the school for a while in an episode. We see all different aspects of a kid's life. But like you said, they mention things in passing kind of.
Adam
Yeah, very much. And not even mentioning anything at all like, we knew nothing about this kid. We don't know anything about his background. Like as a matter of fact, the school that they were in, I was confused. They were all wearing uniforms.
Danielle
Yeah, in Great Britain, a lot of schools.
Adam
So that's a public school.
Danielle
Yeah, it was public school.
Adam
Okay. I was confused. Number one, look, this thing was hard to watch on so many levels and confusing to watch on so many levels. One of them was. I could not relate to these kids. I thought it was maybe like a school for bad kids or something because the way that they react to any type of authority, whether it's teachers or police or what. Like I, the girls, the boys, all of them, I, that. I never saw that in real life. I never experienced that. So I didn't know what.
Danielle
No, no. The United Kingdom has. They really, I guess have had a lot of that infiltration into certain schools.
Adam
So that's a reality.
Danielle
That's a reality. And they are actually going to start showing adolescents in schools because they are. They know there is an issue. And again, it's not just viol. Violence against girls. It's not just, you know, this male loneliness quote unquote epidemic or it's. It changes your entire, you know, we're dealing first of all with kids who don't have fully, of course, you know, formed frontal lobes. Not even a little, you know, finishes forming at I think 25.
Adam
I mean that's, that's really the biggest issue for kids on social media and they get into all the things this girl did to him on social media, obviously doesn't deserve to be killed, but the bullying that's happening and not the face to face and not that, you know, she was disrupting his life with. Was she tagging pictures or saying he was an incel. Right. All the things. Right. So it's, it stems from there. And then I guess diving down that rabbit hole like you were talking about and watching these male influences who were saying the things they're saying led him to think that something like this was okay. Or I don't. Normal, like I don't even know it. The whole thing to me was just beyond like, like we, we didn't experience this. We didn't see this.
Danielle
You didn't experience. I didn't experience violence, but I certainly in high. There were absolutely. I mean when I looked back on. I was just talking about this with some friends who I went to high school with, you know, who I'm. Now that I'm back, we've sort of gotten back in touch and have spoken about how much misogyny there was in our high school. And, you know, and look, it was one of the reasons I didn't want our kids to apply there. And, you know, I think I had a lot of great experiences in high school, but I also think that there was this, this, this blatant disregard for how boys were treating girls. And I think that they felt like they didn't want to get involved because then they're opening up a can of worms, right? And so there was a lot of stuff, and there were some teachers involved, too. But as far as the, what you're saying about the Andrew Tate and stuff, they don't, they don't want to give you the information. They want you to go and think about it and research it all on your own. First of all, it's different in every community. It's different in every culture. It is something that they don't, you know, in a TV show. It's not, look, that they're not that. It can't be that they're teaching you about it through their, this is something they want parents to go out and be like, oh, fuck. These are the areas of life that I have not been as invested in making sure are healthy and appropriate in my kid's life. So what they're doing is they're giving you all the different things that are involved in the, I guess the evolution or, you know, the, the manipulation that happens in Jamie's life. You know, the, all of the disregard, right? The he's in his room for hours playing video games, or so they think, but they don't really go in and check on him or they don't ask any questions about what he's doing, really. You know, they don't really know his friends very well. You know, they're not really sure about his friends. They don't, they don't, you know, with school, they obviously don't realize that at school there are all of these issues going on, right? Because number one, the school isn't informing the parents probably enough. And because the parents probably aren't involved enough at the school, like, so there's all of these even, you know, as good of a father as he was, because he sort of, he, he judges himself. The bar is, I'm so much better than my dad was. That's the bar, right? And it was the bomb, too. Wasn't that invested in a lot of this stuff, you know?
Adam
But did you get the impression that they raised him a certain way or. No? Like, were they hands on with this kind of Stuff, I think it seems.
Danielle
I think for the most part, it was a loving home.
Adam
Right.
Danielle
Mom seems awesome. He had a great sister, you know, and the father, again, he wasn't violent. He wanted his kid to be good at sports and was very disappointed that he wasn't. And that obviously really affected his son. And I think there's probably a lot of that out there. You know, if you're a guy's guy and your kid is out there and the other parents are laughing at them or the other kids are laughing at them, and your reaction isn't a, it's okay, buddy. But, you know. And, like, look, you don't. We'll do something else. Let's go get you art supplies. Right? Like, he was talking about how much Jamie loved art and he was good at it. And so I think it's this. Overall, I think they do a fantastic job of pulling in all the different facets of a kid's life.
Adam
No, I was asking that because you can think you're doing, like, with us. Like, I think we've prioritized with our children, these things over anything else. How to treat people. If you're a boy and you're looking to date girls, how do you treat them? How do you treat friends that are girls? How do you treat guys? Like, how do you. How do you treat people in general? Right. How. What. What are the right things to say, the wrong things to say? All those kind of things teach them to be good human beings. Right? And I didn't get the sense in the show that that was happening. Not that it wasn't happening, but it just wasn't discussed. It wasn't said. And you can think you're doing all the right things, but what do they. Oh, what do the parents always say? Not my kid. Like, that never would have happened. You know, like, how could this have happened? We did everything right.
Danielle
Right?
Adam
And, you know, we sit here and we say we've done all the right things, and I think we have. But, you know, it's always. That's always the thing that happens. It's, you know, who knows what's happening?
Danielle
Like, you say that, but yet Ian had to tell you that Charlie Kirk was an. And is somebody that. You shouldn't be listening to my.
Adam
Okay, Yeah.
Danielle
I mean, like, that kind of stuff. Because, again, you know, if you're not researching and you don't feel like you have the obligation. No, but, you know, what voices you're listening.
Adam
I don't want to get into that again. But you keep saying who I was. Listening to.
Danielle
I'm so saying.
Adam
I wasn't.
Danielle
Like, I'm saying there. There was this whole argument with us about that, and you couldn't understand it. And I'm saying that these are things that we have to be aware of and that it's not just about listening to your favorite scientist on a podcast. And, you know, I'm not. I'm not trying to call you out. I'm saying, like, there are things that seem benign, and they're not.
Adam
No, I. I know what you're saying. It's just so hard to. Like, how do you tell them not to listen to everybody? Like, how do you know?
Danielle
Well, he knows not to listen to that.
Adam
Right? But if I don't.
Danielle
I mean, I don't let. I. I let our kids pick the music in the car. Not all the time, because there's. Sometimes I can't take it. But if Ian and his friends, and, you know, fortunately to his two best friends, their moms are very good friends of mine. So, you know, so they. I know that I, like, they are in line with me with, you know, our. Our ideas and thoughts about certain parenting things. And. And they listen to these songs, and when I can understand the words, I. I will sometimes pause it. Like, I don't say, you can't listen to it, but if I hear something, I'm like, look, I know they're going to listen, but I stop it. And I'm like, why is that something. Something that you should never say, and why is that something that a girl would feel completely uncomfortable feeling? Like, I stop it and we say those things. Like, I say those things to them and. And it has. You know, there are some times when they're like, oh, like, no. And there's other times when it started really good conversations, you know, Ian, when he's screaming downstairs, and I can't stand it about video games. You know, I'll get angry when he's too loud, but also when I hear him say certain things or start banging his desk or whatever, which I know all these kids do, I am. I call it out. You are never to say that. That is. That is. And why. Like, why are you never to say that? You know, I mean, I've done things that are, I think, little bits and pieces here and there that he. I hope, knows. And he's still a teenager. You know, they're still teenagers. You know, Jonah was. Has and Mia are so close, so he gets a lot of that from her. And, you know, he knows so much stuff because she's so into all of the, you know, the. What's the word? You know, the progressive kind of ideas and stuff. With Ian, I'm a little. I get a little bit more concerned, first of all, all because he's 16 and because, you know, I know he's. He's got. He's. He's into guy stuff, he's into the professional sports, and he's into all of that. When the Eagles, you know, lost the Super Bowl a few years ago, and he, like, pretty, you know, pretty much freaked out after, and I didn't like his behavior after. And again, I know he's a. He's the sweetest soul ever. I mean, everybody who meets him. But the next day, I made him read an article about how the night of super bowl is the. The night with the highest domestic violence in the country. And I was sort of like, look, I'm not just telling you this is. You're not allowed to react like that because it's just some, you know, arbitrary rule. I. This is. This is real, and this is the type of stuff that it, you know, if you normalize it, then what happens? You know, What. And why is that?
Adam
Okay, Right, I understand. I mean, look, he, you know, again, at 14 years old.
Danielle
No, I think with someone like him. Absolutely not.
Adam
No, no, wait. Listen. I'm not saying it's okay. I'm just saying I think you have to have a different kind of personality, that if you act like that at 14 and then you act like that at 30, you're a different kind of person.
Danielle
How can you assume when the kid is 14 that he's not going to. Don't you have to prove.
Adam
I'm not saying what you did was wrong at all. I'm just saying, you know, I wouldn't be, I guess, concerned at this point at 14 years old to have a reaction like that to a sports game.
Danielle
That's what. That's exactly what adolescence is saying you can't do. And they're also saying, you know, I think the difference between the. Jamie and his sister and, you know, at the ending scene, they're like, how did we make him? And we made her sort of like, you also have to take into account that every kid is different. That's part of it, too, right? And know your kid and. And never obviously assume, no matter who they are, that this isn't going to affect them and that they're not going to get dragged into this, you know, this culture. But I think also sort of like, you know, because she was going back and saying, well, he has had, you know, bad reactions to things in the past, and, you know, again, they brushed it off. And so you do. I think that the overwhelming message is, no, we can't ever say. Not like you just said, not my kid.
Adam
Well, yeah, I mean, we say all the time, we could not have made three different people, you know, three more. More different people than those three are, you know, so, like you were just saying, you have to know your kid individually. You have to know, you know, they're. They're going to react certain ways. They're going to be into different things. They're going to, you know, they're all so completely different. And I think we are the perfect example of how different your children can be.
Danielle
Well, look, and our middle son. And then. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I mean, we've talked about this before and he's very open and everything, but our middle son, we pulled him out of school, moved and put him in a new school because he was being bullied for being too empathetic, being too soft, quote, unquote. He's a. They would say to him.
Adam
But that's not the only reason, because I could see him being dragged into his bullying and getting into being with those kids and doing whatever he had to do.
Danielle
He was desperate to be part of a group. Yeah, yeah.
Adam
I mean, when he was texting me and calling me about what they were saying to him and do or what they wanted to do. I don't want to get into the specifics and that, you know, okay, dad, should I do this? Should I, you know, retaliate in this way or should I. And I saw.
Danielle
Now you say retaliate. He was never going to be physical or anything.
Adam
No, no, there was a. There was a chance of like a fight or something like that.
Danielle
Well, they had asked him to fight, but he never said yes. And in fact, when. No, he never physical with him. That he was. His response was fantastic.
Adam
Yeah, he was. I. I mean, I was talking to him all day that day that that happened. And, you know, thank God he contacted me when that happened, before there was anything to happen after that. You know, like, I was able to talk him down. I'm sure he was talking to you at the same time, too. I'm not sure. But we were able to, you know, pull him out of that because, you know, who knows how. How far he could have taken that just to be part of the. The crew, the bros, the cool kids, the whatever.
Danielle
So, yeah, same kind of thing as getting dragged in, but basically What I was trying to say. And again, I'm not trying to call you out for the Charlie Kirk thing. I'm just trying to say, like, a lot of times I think were afraid to say, you know, after I called you out for Joe Rogan, I got the nastiest letters from women, not. Not from men, from women. And a lot of was, how could you? How could you? And then, you know, this. This show comes out and the reactions are, oh, my God, the bro culture. And, you know, this and that. And like, yes, that is exactly why I felt that I needed to call you up for my benefit, for our kids benefit, and for just the overall feeling of. Of our family and the tone and everything, you know, like. And I just. There is. Look, it's all about what. At the. At the root of everything we have the patriarchy. Do you know, like, what the patriarchy is kind of maybe. So the patriarchy is embedded in society. It started all the way back with Plato and Aristotle who, you know, thought were inferior to men. So we're talking 2500 years. And since then there has been. That's why right now all the men at the top are freaking out and trying to do everything. Everything they can to get back to this culture of them being at the top is because it's being threatened. But basically, the. The patriarchy is the ingrained notion in society that men are the leaders. You know, men should make more money. I mean, at the time, it wasn't even. Women couldn't even have jobs or anything. But as it evolved and, you know, men are the born leaders. They're the born superiority. They're smarter, they're more capable. You know, that's why there are all of these. There are all of these ideas of women being too emotional and women being, you know, even though it's been proven over and over again that women actually should be in leadership roles, you know, look at. You look at the countries like New Zealand and, you know, in Germany and all these places where women have been leaders and the countries have thrived during those times. And then, you know, you look at the men at the top of ours and you see them, they are too emotional, you know, but to them, it's looked at as strength when we, you know, well, no, tons of people, of course, but anyways, so the patriarchy is sort of like. That is the underlying foundation of all of this, right? And it is impossible to kind of, you know, root it out. And so all of these layers are. Are built to. And reinforce the patriarchy, to reinforce those Ideals, Right. So as it's being threatened with feminists and, you know, we want our own rights and we want to make as much money and we want to not be expected to be, you know, staying home with the kids. We want options, we want help with child care because we don't want to be the child care in a lot of, you know, the only childcare in a lot of scenarios. And so that's the reason why, you know, Trump loves Joe Rogan so much and allowed the Tate brothers to come in and everything. Because those messages sent by those men reinforce the ideals that Project 2025 wants. So they want women to be the caretakers, right? They want us to have. They want free labor from us. Right. The stay at home moms. You know, it was said that what we do, we should be paid a minimum of $180,000 a year in a recent study. We get paid nothing. Right? Nothing. And so they're saving so much money by not having to implement, you know, longer maternity leaves, a. Some kind of stipend for child care. All of these that are, that are draining the pockets of people.
Adam
Wait, who, who's saving money? The government or companies or like, who is that?
Danielle
Everyone. I mean, no, not, I mean, companies. Well, yeah, if you have to hire child care for your kid, companies aren't paying for it, you know.
Adam
Right.
Danielle
There are companies that do, you know, I know a lot of companies are starting to, you know, you can have. I remember my sister, when she worked at Goldman Sachs, would drop her daughter off, would drop Gabrielle off in the morning, and there was a nursery there and it was nice and they, you know, cared for them. I don't know if she had to pay a little bit for it or not, but it was, you know, kind of nothing.
Adam
Yeah, but there needs to be something else. There needs to be some kind of government funded thing and companies should not be held liable.
Danielle
And Kamala Harris wanted to do that.
Adam
I mean, look, what percent of the, you know, me as a small business owner, I can't do that, right? So, you know, Goldman Sachs can. Right? I can't. Right.
Danielle
So, but, but again, so no, who's.
Adam
Look, I mean, it's a different employee, I guess, but if people need it, it's got to come from somewhere. And if it can come from, from small business, it has to come from.
Danielle
Somewhere else, which is why they want these messages back. In society, women belong at home. Women should be having more babies. You know, they want their worker bees, they want their project. You know, that sounds so.
Adam
I mean, that Sounds so Handmaid's Tale to me. That sounds so insane.
Danielle
Hello. Yes, welcome to Project 2025. Yes, they gave us a 90, you know, 920 page, like manual, but of course, you know, Trump never knew about it or whatever. But he's only got, you know, half of the authors on his, on his cabinet. But I. Those. So it's all interconnected. Right. And right now we are at such a pivotal time when, you know, and, and of course people will say, oh, well, look at Trump. He's got, you know, his chief of staff is a woman and his press secretary is a woman. And. Yeah, okay, so, you know, he has 84% of his, of his administration is male. Right. So 16% is female. I mean, that's hardly something to brag about. Biden had the most, you know, whatever you say about Biden. And I know not everybody loves him and obviously, you know, he needed to step down for sure.
Adam
Yeah.
Danielle
But they, but he had, you know, I think it was 60 female administration, but something like 50% minority, you know, people of color.
Adam
The Trump administration, from what I've seen, the women who are in those positions, it doesn't even matter that he has the women there. They're the same as the men. They're all just kissing his ass. It doesn't matter.
Danielle
There's a term for that.
Adam
Oh.
Danielle
So it's called the patriarchal bargain. Okay. The patriarchal bargain is where women in that conservative society. Right. And happens a lot in religious based, you know, communities and everything. But also now in this right wing MAGA movement that women, basically, it's, it's an internal bargain that you're making and a silent bargain that you're making with the men in your life. So, you know, he talks about these, he. Oh, she's, you know, he'll talk about. Isn't she great? She's the best. And, you know, oh, so wonderful. Yes. They are like the quote, unquote, pick me girls. And, and so.
Adam
And they'll do and say whatever it takes.
Danielle
Exactly. And in return, they get financial and physical safety.
Adam
Race the rudders, race the sails. Raise the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over. Roger, wait. Is that an enterprise sales solution?
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Adam
And making feel felt. Feeling right. What's the word?
Danielle
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adam
Making to be felt that they're needed, that they're at level.
Danielle
Exactly. That they're part of it.
Adam
I, I do want to talk a little bit more about the, the bro. Bro culture is. And I want to differentiate from like, I, I feel like there's guy stuff and then there's bro stuff, if that makes sense. I feel like what the bro culture has become is more of if you're into, you know, quote unquote, starting here at last, you know, along with the guy stuff, but you're. You're intense about it, you're a jerk about it, you're an asshole about it. You treat people, you try to bring people in. You treat. You treat people a certain way, right? Like, I was always, you know, I was always into guys. I always liked violent movies. I always liked, I guess, movies with, you know, a collection of guys who are into, like, you mentioned fight club. There's this like, hidden message.
Danielle
Look it up.
Adam
I did. And it. Kind of even thinking about it, I, I understood without even having to look it up, but I did anyway just to, you know, just to confirm what I was thinking. But, you know, but. But saying that before I talk about that, you know, like, I had my bros, I had my guys. I was in a band. I was, you know, there were girls in the band too, but doesn't matter. Um, but like, I had my group of guys, but we were never like the alpha guys. You know, we were, we were the guys who were being chased by the alpha guys, that kind of thing. You know, we weren't the violent ones. We weren't the misogynistic ones. We weren't the, you know, all those things. So it's. It's hard not, not. I don't want to try to even say relate. Like it's hard to relate to that level of bro culture being someone like me because I'm far from, you know, the alpha male. I'm far from the starting a movement to bring guys into, you know, being, you know, we're. We're more important or we deserve more or this is how we should treat women or those kind of things. But as far as the, like with the movies Like, I even use, like Ocean's Eleven is a good example of that where, like, I want to be part of that. I want to be those guys. I want to be with them. You know, robbing the Bellagio, you know, like, it looks so you know all about it. Like, I want to be. I want to be their friends. You know, I want to. But. But back to Fight Club too, it's. It's different because it wasn't like they went out there to try to get members, right? Like, the number one rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club. You can't. Like, you have to know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who saw it happen, you know, but you're part of this. It became a movement, but it didn't start as a movement. It just started as these are based.
Danielle
On a real, like, I think so.
Adam
But you know, these guys who were just struggling with, who am I? What do I have to offer? I'm a nobody. I have nothing to give. I. All those things. And they found this place of they don't know how to fight, they don't know how to, you know, it's just to let it all out, you know, quote, be a man and just fucking pounce on each other and let the aggression go. But when you left, that's it, it's over. You know, until you come back the next time. You know, you don't go out there with T shirts on. You don't go out there and, you know, on a social media platform and say, this is what I did. Do you want to be part of this? Do you want to. This is what your kids should be doing if they're boys. This is. It was none of that. So it's very different from that level. But, you know, it turned into this, like, anti capitalistic, you know, movement when they started, like blowing up the buildings of all the, you know, major corporations and all that kind of stuff where I don't even know if they were recruiting people at that point. But I think it was just kept in house with all like the Fight Club bros, if you want to call them.
Danielle
Right. And then, and then it sort of. They went down the rabbit hole. Like it couldn't stay just that because.
Adam
Right, correct.
Danielle
They needed more and more and more.
Adam
Yeah, they turned it into an agend. They kept it in house, but they turned it into something else. They needed more.
Danielle
Right?
Adam
Yeah.
Danielle
Right.
Adam
So I think that unless you think there's more to it than that. I don't think there is.
Danielle
I don't know, I haven't looked into it. I just know you love that. I love that movie. I think that movie is fantastic.
Adam
Yeah.
Danielle
And I know the book is supposed to be fantastic, but I haven't read it.
Adam
And look, watching it, I want to do it too. I'd be out in a second, but I'd want to do it. Yeah.
Danielle
And look, and you know, you're. I, I have. Look, I love the Rocky movies. Not. I don't watch them four times a month like you do and everything. And look, I love that one of your favorite movies is Back to the Future. Like when that was one of my favorite things that you first told me about you, I was sort of like, oh, like that's like a dorky, cool, fun movie. But, you know, I think that there's nothing, you know, I think there's nothing wrong with that. Like, if you were like con, you know, you're not really into professional sports. And again, I don't think there's anything wrong with professional sports. I just feel like it becomes this thing where guys and some girls, you know, because again, same kind of thing, like not saying all women who enjoy sports, this is why they do it. But there are, I think some who really foster that in their husbands or in guys in order to be like a, oh, look how cool I am that I'm, you know, you can go every Sunday if you want and golf all day or you can go to the sporting events all the time. You know, again, I don't. That's not all women. That's not what I'm trying to say. But there are, there is that feature of it. And I think that that's why to me, I've always felt like I've always been on you and I know I, I've probably, you know, beat it to a pulp, but like about not consuming more female based women's focused information. Right. And experiences and, and I think that's where the issue happens, right? That, you know, that there isn't enough. We're, we're surrounded with the male experience with, you know, like, it's everywhere. We can't avoid it. And you know, and I think some of you guys, like you said, like you sometimes listen to Sarah Silverman, which is great and I love that. What?
Adam
No, I, I didn't know where you're. You were breaking because I wanted to.
Danielle
Yeah, I think that's great. You know, and like she's, you know, a little bit of a guy's girl too, but again, not to that level at all. But again, if you're. If that. If you're having to resort to that, it's almost like a tokenism thing. Like, I listen to this sort of like, you know, when MAGA is like, you know, or racists are like, I have a black friend, or so I'm not racist, or I have a gay friend, so I'm not homophobic, or. That's not enough.
Adam
No. Okay, fair enough. But what I. So what I was saying before was what I consume, I do it to a point, right? Like, I like sports. I like sports a lot. I don't get. Like I did when I was a kid. I was into it. Like, I watched every 162 games for the Yankees. Like, I watched. And then when. When I met you, it wasn't because of you. You know, my time wasn't dedicated to watching sports that many days a week. Right. I didn't care enough to keep that going. And I still like sports. I still watch.
Danielle
I'm not against. I know you're not watching that. Not at all.
Adam
I know you're not. I'm talking about just me, the way I am with this stuff. You know, I enjoy watching. You know, I like watching it. That's it. I don't know the names of the guys on the team anymore. I don't know the stats. I don't know. You know, I used to know all the stats and all the cards and all the, you know, all the. I. I watch it now because I enjoy it and I leave it at that. Same with music. Same with podcasts. Same with, like, movies. Same with, you know, all that stuff. All those things that I consume. Like, you're saying, listen to these women things. Read their books or listen to their podcast or like, to learn to, you know, that's not what I'm doing when I'm, like, consuming all this other stuff. I don't do it to learn about the male experience. I do it because it's just. I unwind and it's fun to watch.
Danielle
I know, but that's not the point.
Adam
Yes, but I understand. I know it's not your point, but, like, I. It's not that I'm.
Danielle
And. And you're still getting that. There is of. I mean, in all of it, first of all, you know, in all of it. Embedded in it. It doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be. What's the word? You know, a conscious thing. It is rooted in all of it. The, you know, the patriarchy is rooted in all of it. I mean, think about the NFL, one thing, you know, or like the, you know, mlb, all of it. Like, and all the scandals and how much money they make and all that stuff, and how many sexual assault cases there are against all these players and everything like that. And the Eagles, I don't know if it was the coach or the scout guy, I don't know who it was. Just said he will not ever again in his career. If you have a. Even a complaint against a player, you know, that he's going to try to look to. What is it? Hire. I don't know, enroll. What do you do on a team? What recruit. Recruit. That he won't even give them the time of day. Which I thought was a really awesome precedent.
Adam
The Eagles do a lot. I mean, look at Jalen Hurts. I mean, his whole team of people are women, you know?
Danielle
Yeah. So, you know, he's amazing, but that's. That's very, very rare, you know, and the Eagles, again. I'm like, I. I'm. If he. I'm so proud that Ian. Not that he. This is the reason he did it at all. He did it because my. You know, he loves Philly and everything. That's why he's an Eagles fan. Um, but of all the teams, I am super happy that this is the one he loves.
Adam
And he talks about this stuff all the time, too.
Danielle
He does. And he's always sending me stuff about, you know, what they do for Pride Month and what they do. Yes, he's very proud of all of that. But. But I thought that was an amazing precedent to send. Right. Like, because otherwise we're normalizing all of this. We're. We're saying it's okay, you know, and we're. We're. We're in a culture where we. We can't afford to normalize even the smallest part of it. I mean, I don't know if you can guess in America how many. What percentage of rapists spend even a day in jail?
Adam
Oh, God, no.
Danielle
Try.
Adam
What percentage of rapists spend a day in jail?
Danielle
People who have been. Can, you know, Convicted of rape.
Adam
You're saying if they've been convicted, well. Or. Well, don't go to prison.
Danielle
There are people who don't go to prison, but there also are people who have been. What's the word? Accused. And then it never goes to trial because, you know, again, there's not enough evidence or whatever. But that is a system that's been set up. Right. Because if you look at. Right now at the White House and you say, are our president, all these people who voted for him. He has over 26 filings of actual reports of sexual assault against him. And 77 people, 77 million people in the country thought, I'm going to vote for him anyway. Right? So it's the normalization. You know, Pete Hegseth has, I think, two accusations against him with police reports and everything. JFK Jr. Has, you know, stuff against him. And I know it's not just Republicans, but. But the majority are Republicans. I mean, I know in 2025, I follow this guy who keeps track. And so far this year, you know, there have been a whole lot of Republicans who have been accused of, you know, of trying to solicit minors and gotten. And gotten arrested, and there haven't been any Democrats yet in 2025. I'm not saying it never happens, but it just. It's all part of that culture. So 6% of rapists spend a day in jail. 63% of sexual assaults are still never reported to the police. And why would you. When the president alone has 26 women with allegations against him and as a country, we've said he can lead us.
Adam
Well, but why would that. I mean, he. Well, he was president before, but he's only been president for a few months now. Right. So these stats are from when. If he. What if. If.
Danielle
Four decades, starting in the 70s.
Adam
Right. So it's not a. It's not necessarily just a Trump thing. Right? This is a problem.
Danielle
No, no, this is just. Trump has 26 over 20.
Adam
No, no, what I'm saying, if 6% of people who have been accused of rape only spend a day in jail. Yes, that's been over four decades, not when Trump was in office. Right. So why is that happening?
Danielle
No, this is a current. This is a. Oh, oh, I thought.
Adam
You said over four decades. Over four decades, Trump has been accused.
Danielle
Because people are always like, oh, these were just setups. Well, this was way before he ever ran for office.
Adam
So this is a stat from now while Trump is in office.
Danielle
Well, I don't think this is not Trump's fault. This is society's fault. I'm not blaming.
Adam
That's Trump. That was my question. Right.
Danielle
But I'm saying all of that contributes to it. Right.
Adam
Well, the fact that normalizes it even more.
Danielle
Right. The fact that we disregard all of that. And when you hear that statistics, right now, the Department of Justice, Pam Bondi, is saying that anybody who vandalizes Tesla is gonna get 20 years and possibly the death sentence, and yet he just released 1500 violent criminals, or maybe they weren't all violent, but criminals. And this is what they're like. So, you know, it's very hard to, to have a system of justice when the people at the top are given a pass. And, and, you know, and look, I don't, you know, I don't know if Joe Rogan has any sexual allegations against him. Maybe he doesn't. Probably doesn't. I have no idea. That's not even the point. It's still that whole disregard for, you know, again, I said only 11% of his guests are women. And they're not talking about women experiences. They're talking about, you know, he's having them on their tokens. Right? When you have 11% of women, they're tokens. You're having them on either because, you know, I don't know, someone told you to have them on some dude or because you need to not look like the dude who has no women on. But again, he's not, he's. He in his episodes, you know, he tells women what, like what men want and all of this. Like, it's a whole culture. And I'm just picking him because he is obviously, although he's been, I think, going down a little bit in the charts, but an overwhelming amount of people listen to him. And so these, this is the stuff that gets normalized. And it's just, oh, he's a cool dude. And you know, he, he once in a while will throw out a, you know, he just said something terrible about the, the guy the innocent people sent to El Salvador. He, you know, he was sort of like, oh, that's horrible or whatever, but then he'll say ten great things about Trump. So, like, spare us, you know, like, you're not doing anything. You contributed to this, all of that. And so, you know, I just, I feel like overall, as men and as women, right. Because I, I do feel like, look, I myself, for years, I was a stay at home mom. I just thought that sort of like what I should do. You know, I wanted that lifestyle. I won't, I won't deny it. I did.
Adam
Oh, no, that was something you chose to do.
Danielle
Exactly. You know, I, I definitely gave into that, some of that and, and it ended up fucking me in the end. Like, I definitely should have thought about in bigger terms of, you know, my, my independence. I'm not saying again, stay at home moms are great. And I did enjoy it. I loved it. I also, I did, I loved it. I did. Look, had, I had more, you know, it was a, it was a hard time for us because you know, you're where the separation was that I was a stay at home mom and so I do all the stay at home stuff and then you're at work, right? Like there was just a really big division. And that was at a time when we were trying to emulate our parents, marriages and all of this stuff. I did enjoy it. I, I of, I think, had I been, I think that, look, there was a lot, I'm not going to get into it. There was a lot that led up to me wanting to do that. But a lot of it was this. I wanted to be a good girl in society and, you know, and do the traditional thing. I definitely have in the past given into that stuff. Right. I, I think that that's just inherent sort of. And again. But it's been an evolution. I've done a lot of work. I've done a lot of work and I want men to start doing that same work. I think our country will be such a better place. I think our marriages will be so much better. I think our parenting will be so much better. And, you know, and I do really feel like there comes a point where women are evolving and growing and working on ourselves and, you know, and, and I went to the protest yesterday and I was like, I was, I saw there were so many men there.
Adam
I was just, I wanted to say something.
Danielle
So many, you know, and, and so many men who were, you know, holding up women's rights stuff and holding up. And I was like, first of all, if I was single, that would be the first place I'd fucking go to find a husband. Holy shit. Like, that is the place if you're single and you're, you know, into like progressive dudes who have, you know, are evolving. Go to some protests. I wish there was like, there should be like a little dating stand at the protests. I'm serious.
Adam
Go for it.
Danielle
Why not? And why is that any worse than anything? That is awesome. But, you know, I still think that obviously it's way more women, but there were, I have to say there were, I mean, way more men than I've ever seen at any other protest.
Adam
So, I mean, doesn't that show that things are changing? That things are, that things are happening now?
Danielle
Look, I think with a small group, things are happening. I think, I don't, I don't know.
Adam
Like, for example, you know, like, I gave up my Tesla. I think a lot of men are giving up their Teslas.
Danielle
Right?
Adam
But, but that's an example.
Danielle
You know, think about how much we went through in order for you.
Adam
Listen, all, all you said is that. Wait a minute. How, how much you went through for me to do that.
Danielle
Yes.
Adam
How much did you have to go.
Danielle
Through for me to those fights after the election? You getting so angry at me for being so political, you thinking that I was so overdoing things and I was so irrational and all of these like. Yeah, but all of that.
Adam
No, there's a whole nother conversation.
Danielle
No, but it isn't because I, at every step. And I think a lot of women feel this. It's sort of like we're teaching ourselves and then we're having to be like defending ourselves for growing and evolving and, and then trying to get you guys to absorb even a little bit of what we're learning rather than you guys being proactive, you know, and, and that is really hard.
Adam
Okay.
Danielle
And, and that's a lot of the reason why as a society we are at this place.
Adam
So you think that that's the norm? That guys are not out there on their own figuring this stuff out, that they need their wives to.
Danielle
Well, I think wives is just, you know, part of it, sure. But yes, I think that there has been and I'm hoping that, you know, there will be a big sort of wake up call between what's going on right now in society and also, you know, shows like adolescence and hopefully there will be more of it. But look, I still see a ton of, I still see a ton of. If you look in the adolescence, like a lot of the, the comment sections of the conversations online going on about it, there's still a ton of, oh, of course we're making men out to be the bad guys. And you know, and a lot, there's so much of that and the real kid who did it was black. And you know, this is not, that's not actually happening. And this is supposed to be fiction. And I wish there was a plot twist and like people are so far removed and in such denial of it happening that their first instinct is to like, protect and defend the men. Right. Rather than, even if it's not happening all that much. But we know that the manosphere exists. We know there's incel culture, we know that there are rapists out there. We know that women, you know, 92% of sexual assaults done by to women are white men, you know, all of these things. And we're, we're, we're ignoring it. And so, and so men need to step up. And honestly a lot of women need to step up. But I think that there are for sure we're the ones who are doing the work. And again, same thing that black women say about white women. And they're right. They have been the ones doing the work for so long. And that's why yesterday at the protest, they were like, we're sitting this one out. First of all, Trump's insane, and who the fuck knows what he's going to do, right? And they were right because it was so many white people. You didn't see a lot of Christian nationalists out there. You didn't see a lot of, you know, there are. So we've had such blinders on. And so the men need to step up. Now is the time. Like, we. I'm not blaming men for being in this mess. I'm not saying all men, right, not all men. But the overall, you know, ideology and the overall lack of proactiveness, I think has certainly contributed. And, and, and, you know, and so I think we. We need to listen to the women and, and believe us when we say, I'm not. Not just talking about sexual assault and everything, which, of course, that's up there as foremost, but when we say, listen, you need to. You need to step up more. You need to be in the game of parenting, of raising men and boys and being role models and, and also being involved in politics, you know, being. Being there, showing up, showing that you are a man who is going to defend women the way that they should be defended, that you are going to. All the things that you. That you think are masculine and are actually just a waste, and the ways that you could actually be masculine and use your masculinity. There's such a disconnect. Look, and I do want to say the past few months, as much as I know you've been overwhelmed and everything, I really do think that there has been a switch in you that has sort of, you know, turned on, that you are more aware of, you know, of trying to be more empathetic to what's going on and being, you know, look, you've started listening to Pod Save America, then you like it.
Adam
I do like them.
Danielle
And I never forced you to do that by any means. Is that correct?
Adam
No. You never even mentioned it.
Danielle
Right, exactly. So, you know.
Adam
No, I. The reason being is, you know, look, I think I said this last time, you know, I was trying to say, okay, let's wait and see. And now we're here. And now that we see I've changed my mind and I'm being more active and more.
Danielle
That's why I say you need to believe women you need to know that we are in it. Right? We are in it because we have to be in it. You know, you've always said, like, it doesn't affect us. Why are you so worried? Like, as a white man, yes, that's great for you, but you're the only, you're the, you're the only demographic who does not have to worry. Every other demographic has to worry. And, and for now.
Adam
What do you mean? I mean, I'm a white Jewish man, right?
Danielle
Well, sure, absolutely, absolutely. But, you know. Yes, absolutely. But you're still. Your whiteness is, is at the top, right? Like, that is.
Adam
Am I supposed to say thank you or no way my whiteness is at the top?
Danielle
I'm saying. Because when you say things like, why are you so concerned it doesn't affect us. When I was, when I. Right in those episodes and I was sort of like, speak for your self. And still it is. I mean, now a whole bunch of dudes are getting a big wake up call with these tariffs and everything. But, you know, we, like you're saying, you know, you finally did come around and see. But what I had to go through in all those months shouldn't be, you know, like, either believe us or leave us is kind of the thing. Like there don't. Don't make our lives harder, you know, and, and I think that if you just did the research and kept up with stuff, it would be so much. I mean, I think everything would be better. Every relationship would be better. And I think these are all things we need to, you know, to. To work on. Women, too, right? Like, I think women too. We need to just figure out how to, as a society, like, how are we balancing everything? How are we making sure that, you know, men. I mean, I can't even say that because. No, actually, why the fuck do we need to be the ones? But we will be the ones. So, you know, make sure that you guys have the tools to figure it out. I don't know. It's just such a. It's exhausting, really.
Adam
All right.
Danielle
Yeah.
Adam
Let's end it there.
Danielle
Okay.
Adam
It's far enough.
Danielle
Yeah. I wanted to mention that I'm working on something really cool. For any women out there who are activists and are feeling really overwhelmed by everything that's happening, or if you feel like you're on the verge of wanting to get involved in activism, or if you just want to be a part of like, minded women and come together and talk about stuff, and we're going to do workshops and have all kinds of Cool stuff going on. And I'm going to have guest speakers and everything. And it's going to be just a virtual, like, badass community. I'm going to be putting information out about that right now, or not right now in a few days. And we will have an email that you can sign up for, for information and. And also, if you haven't listened to the episode with my mom that has become a listener favorite, the eight Decades, one of mine. Yeah, I know you loved it too, but no, I get, I still, I get so much feedback and it really is. It feels like talking to like, you know, an older, wiser woman, which is really nice. And my episode of, you know, of get in Bitches, We're Going to Fuck Shit up, that still is getting a lot of praise. If you haven't listened to those, please go do that. Sign up for email if you're not, because quite honestly, if you follow me on Instagram, I don't know what's going to happen with Instagram. We just don't know. Please make sure you're signed up for our emails. You can find that@marriagemartinis.com if you could rate and review for us, that would be awesome. And share with your friends and, you know, right now, content creators, those of us who are speaking out are getting a hit. So. Getting hit, not a hit. Getting hit. So if you could, you know, share us, is. Is great. All right, good, good.
Adam
Okay.
Danielle
All right, thanks. Bye.
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Podcast Summary: "Adolescence" and the Rise of Bro Culture
Marriage and Martinis, hosted by Danielle and Adam, delves deep into the intricate dynamics of modern marriage and parenting. In the April 7, 2025 episode titled "Adolescence" and the Rise of Bro Culture, Danielle and Adam explore the pervasive influence of bro culture on today's youth, dissecting its origins, impact, and the societal structures that perpetuate it.
The conversation kicks off with Danielle introducing Andrew Tate as a central figure emblematic of bro culture and the manosphere. Danielle describes Tate as a manipulative influencer who fosters a toxic environment for young boys, pushing "very sexist, violent misogynistic" ideologies aimed at shaping vulnerable adolescents into adhering to harmful stereotypes (02:40). Adam expresses his unfamiliarity with Tate, prompting Danielle to elaborate on Tate's extensive platform and the problematic nature of his messages, including his recent legal troubles in Romania related to sex trafficking and rape allegations (05:00).
Danielle and Adam discuss the profound effect bro culture has on young males, particularly those who feel marginalized or excluded. They highlight how figures like Tate exploit these feelings, enticing teens into a destructive culture. Danielle emphasizes, "they are giving our kids a place to belong, but it's a place that leads them down a dangerous path" (15:08). The hosts also reflect on the portrayal of adolescents in media, noting that shows like Adolescence only briefly touch upon the influence of social media and bro culture, leaving listeners seeking deeper insights.
A significant portion of the discussion centers around the role of social media and modern influencers in perpetuating bro culture. Danielle critiques the wellness industry for promoting superficial changes aimed at attracting the opposite sex, masking misogynistic agendas under the guise of health and fitness (09:21). Adam concurs, recognizing that while healthy habits like exercising and eating well are beneficial, they often serve as entry points into more insidious ideologies (11:24). The duo warns of the "rabbit hole" effect, where initial benign content leads to exposure to extremist views.
Danielle provides a historical perspective on the patriarchy, tracing its roots back to ancient philosophies and illustrating its persistent influence on modern society. She asserts that the patriarchy enforces male dominance, suppressing women's roles and freedoms. Danielle argues, "the patriarchy is embedded in society," and connects this to current political movements aimed at maintaining male superiority (32:08). The discussion extends to how societal structures save costs by limiting women's economic opportunities, reinforcing traditional gender roles (38:49).
Transitioning to personal narratives, Danielle and Adam share their parenting challenges and strategies in navigating the complexities of bro culture. Danielle recounts pulling her middle son out of a public school due to bullying and emphasizes the importance of being proactive in understanding and guiding her children's social environments (33:00). Adam reflects on their own parenting approach, striving to instill empathy and critical thinking in their sons while addressing issues like aggression and media consumption (26:14).
Towards the end of the episode, Danielle discusses initiatives aimed at empowering women activists and fostering supportive communities. She highlights the need for collective action and increased female participation in activism to counterbalance toxic male influences. Danielle encourages listeners to join workshops and engage with guest speakers to build a strong, resilient community (73:00). This segment serves as a rallying cry for both men and women to actively participate in reshaping societal norms.
In wrapping up, Danielle and Adam underscore the urgency of addressing bro culture and its ramifications on youth and society. They advocate for conscious parenting, increased awareness of media influences, and a collective effort to dismantle patriarchal structures. The episode serves as both a critical analysis of contemporary issues and a motivational guide for listeners to foster healthier relationships and societal interactions.
Notable Quotes:
This episode of Marriage and Martinis offers an insightful exploration into the challenges posed by bro culture, emphasizing the importance of proactive parenting and societal change to foster a healthier, more equitable environment for future generations.