And on the 9th day he said, "Do not throw a DIY Bar Mitzvah!"

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Marriage and Martinis" Episode: And on the 9th day he said, "Do not throw a DIY Bar Mitzvah!"
Release Date: December 9, 2024
Hosts: Danielle & Adam

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Introduction

In this insightful episode of Marriage and Martinis, hosts Danielle and Adam delve into the complexities of organizing a DIY Bar Mitzvah. Balancing tradition, budget constraints, and personal preferences, the couple shares their authentic journey, offering valuable lessons and heartfelt reflections on celebrating significant life milestones within the Jewish faith.

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Planning the DIY Bar Mitzvah

Danielle and Adam recount their decision to host a DIY Bar Mitzvah for their son, Jonah. Opting for a more intimate and personalized celebration, they navigated the challenges of planning such a significant event without professional facilitators.

Danielle begins, “[06:14]... with all three of what we did is I do think that, you know, a lot of times I often talk about our wedding or other events, and you walk in and, you know, I feel like it doesn't feel like the person being celebrated...”

They emphasize the importance of making the celebration reflect Jonah's unique personality, choosing a barn venue to create a distinct and memorable atmosphere. Danielle highlights their efforts to incorporate Jonah's interests, such as a space theme, ensuring the event was both special and meaningful.

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Cultural and Religious Significance

The Bar Mitzvah, a pivotal Jewish rite of passage, is explored in depth. Danielle explains, “[07:00]... it's a celebration of something that is obviously, you know, a tradition that goes all the way back to the Middle Ages. And it's also a celebration of like, you did it.”

They contrast Jewish celebrations with other cultural festivities, noting the high costs associated with traditional Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. Danielle provides insight into the average expenses, stating, “[06:59]... the average cost of a bar bat mitzvah is... $40,000 in New Jersey and upwards of $100,000 in New York City.”

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Challenges and Lessons Learned

The DIY approach brought its set of challenges, from budgeting to coordinating logistics. Adam reflects on the financial aspect, “[17:31]... treat it like college and just start saving as soon as possible because you want to just pay somebody to just do it.”

Both hosts share personal anecdotes about the stress and unexpected hurdles they encountered, such as forgotten items and managing multiple responsibilities simultaneously. Adam recounts a humorous yet stressful moment: “[50:12]... I forgot my shoes and socks... I almost Ubered to the mall...”

Danielle emphasizes the importance of researching and supporting small businesses, praising their caterer and décor team for adding unique touches that set their Bar Mitzvah apart from typical celebrations. “[35:01]... I am terrible at this stuff... but I was keeping in mind Jonah, he wanted to do a space theme...”

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Favorite Moments and Highlights

Despite the hurdles, Danielle and Adam cherish the intimate and personalized aspects of their DIY Bar Mitzvah. They praise the venue's uniqueness and the heartfelt connections formed during the event. Adam shares, “[33:07]... it was a very intimate, unique thing... I love that it was just the closest people that mean a lot to us.”

Danielle highlights the creative culinary experiences provided by their caterer, noting, “[37:13]... she had sushi and then there was like a little heart that you open up the heart and pour the soy sauce on the sushi.”

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Advice for Listeners Planning Big Celebrations

Drawing from their experience, Danielle and Adam offer practical advice for listeners considering DIY celebrations:

1. Start Early and Save: Adam advises, “[17:31] treat it like college and just start saving as soon as possible.”
2. Support Small Businesses: Danielle emphasizes the importance of finding and supporting local, women-owned businesses to add unique elements to the event.
3. Keep It Personal: Both hosts recommend making the celebration reflect the honoree’s personality rather than adhering strictly to traditional formats.
4. Manage Stress with Preparation: Anticipate challenges and have contingency plans, as illustrated by Adam’s forgotten items anecdote.

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Conclusions

Danielle and Adam wrap up the episode by reflecting on the significance of maintaining cultural traditions while adapting them to fit modern lifestyles and personal preferences. They acknowledge the balance between honoring their heritage and creating a celebration that genuinely represents their family’s unique dynamics.

Danielle concludes, “[56:22]... if people are planning celebrations and everything, I'm going to be sharing stuff on Instagram and also put some lists on Amazon...”

Adam adds, “[55:13]... next time when we have our next kid, what I would do is hire somebody to do all the things we did for that party...”

Their candid discussion serves as both a guide and a testament to the joys and stresses of celebrating meaningful life events within the framework of marriage and parenting.

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Notable Quotes

• Danielle: “[06:14] the details were very much them. And I think that that's really what makes the celebration really special.”
• Adam: “[17:31] treat it like college and just start saving as soon as possible because you want to just pay somebody to just do it.”
• Danielle: “[37:13] she had sushi and then there was like a little heart that you open up the heart and pour the soy sauce on the sushi.”
• Adam: “[50:12] I forgot my shoes and socks... I almost Ubered to the mall. But, this don't mean anything. Who cares?”

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Final Thoughts

This episode offers a heartfelt exploration of planning a DIY Bar Mitzvah, blending humor with genuine insights. Danielle and Adam's transparent conversation provides listeners with both inspiration and practical tips for navigating the intricacies of marriage, parenting, and cultural celebrations.

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Stay Connected:
For more behind-the-scenes content, DIY tips, and support for small businesses featured in this episode, visit Danielle and Adam’s Instagram and check out their Amazon Gift Lists. Subscribe to their newsletter on their website for exclusive deals and updates.

Transcript

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[Adam]

Hey, everybody. Welcome to marriage Martinis. I'm Adam. Danielle.

[Danielle]

Hey.

[Adam]

You sound too peppy.

[Danielle]

I do?

[Adam]

Yeah, you sound too, like, pepped up. Like, I'm still tired from the bar mitzvah.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I am, too.

[Adam]

I know. I know you are, but we did it and I'm proud of us.

[Danielle]

Wait, first I have to ask you.

[Adam]

Okay.

[Danielle]

Have you come up with your alibi yet?

[Adam]

What? Oh, yeah, your alibi.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I'm getting tons of messages now.

[Adam]

I. I was detained.

[Danielle]

Don't even say that. No.

[Adam]

That's weird.

[Danielle]

The guy. Well, let's explain it.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

The, you know, obviously tragedy that this guy was killed, the CEO of you, United Healthcare. But everyone is sending us messages of how much you look like the suspect.

[Adam]

Yeah. I went into work and my employees were all talking about it, and I'm like, I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Like, I didn't know about this. I didn't know that it happened. And they showed me a picture and I'm like, did I do that? Like, I don't know.

[Danielle]

I thought he looked like Jake Gyllenhaal. But then everybody started sending messages and.

[Adam]

I was like, oh, maybe. Weird. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I didn't do it. So just make it clear.

[Danielle]

Yeah. Considering you carry bugs outside instead of killing them, I would imagine that.

[Adam]

Right. When did it happen? What day was it? So what's my alibi?

[Danielle]

I have no idea. Where are you ever? You're at home or at work.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

So. But anyway. Yes. The past week, we've been sort of coming down from the bar mitzvah and our last one, or our third child, Jonah, and this one was much different. So me, as we did a trip, we went to Europe. That's, you know, she didn't want a big party, so it was awesome. We went with family and it was fantastic as a celebration. That was when she was huge into Harry Potter and we went to London into the Harry Potter stuff. And then Ian, who is our social butterfly, wanted a Big party. And it was at the end of COVID and, you know, it was kind of one of the first, like, big gatherings, and it was, you know, the whole thing. Right. I had a party planner, and we had the big DJ with the dancers and the. Right. Like, we did all the things. We did all the things.

[Adam]

You pay money and you show up.

[Danielle]

No, not really. I mean, we did a lot, but, yes, comparatively, there. There is. I mean, all hail the party planners, man. Because we were the party planners this time, literally down to the napkins and the. You know, like, we'll get into that. Everything. Yes, but we were the party planners, and I don't recommend it. No, no, do not recommend. 0 out of 5 stars. Do not recommend.

[Adam]

Well, I. I'm kind of weird about the issue because we said to Jonah, like, hey, let's do a trip. Where do you want to go? Like, pick a place we'll go. And he was like, no, I want a party. You know, whatever. So we're like, okay, so let's try to. He's never been to Disney World, Right. So, you know, obviously, Mia was really trying to talk him into Disney World because she still loves Disney and wants to do, you know, go and go back.

[Danielle]

Yeah, we haven't been, I think, eight, nine years.

[Adam]

We haven't been at least, if not more so. No more. Because we would have brought Jonah, and he's 13.

[Danielle]

Oh, yeah. So I guess. I think he was there when he was, like, eight months old.

[Adam]

Yeah, he was an infant, so.

[Danielle]

Yeah, you're right. It's been, like, 12, 13 years.

[Adam]

Yeah. So we. We kind of talked him into the part to the trip. And you were saying, at least do something little or something small. You know, a thing like, he wants a party, let's give him something. And I thought it was going to be like, a luncheon, like we did for Mia in Europe. You know, like, we just all got together and we had lunch at a place, and that was kind of a celebration, and it turned into. Not a venue event, but it turned into, you know, a decent, nice party that we did. So I was very hesitant at first because now we're paying for both. But, you know, we both. And especially we did our best to keep costs down and find, you know, the best pricing for whatever we could do and sacrifice whatever we had to. But I'm so happy that we did it, because I loved it. I love almost everything about it.

[Danielle]

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was. I did. It wound up being really special. It was very unique. And what I do love about all three of what we did is I do think that, you know, a lot of times I often talk about our wedding or other events, and you walk in and, you know, I feel like it doesn't feel like the person being celebrated. You know, it feels like just sort of a generic celebration.

[Adam]

Like when you go to a wedding. Is that what you're saying?

[Danielle]

Well, it depends. Some, I think, feel very much like the couple. Some, I think, are just sort of like, you know, doesn't reflect the couple, but it's still a very nice event.

[Adam]

Oh, okay.

[Danielle]

I'm talking about, like, the details about, you know.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

And I think with all three of them, the details were very much them. And I think that that's really what makes the celebration really special.

[Adam]

Yeah. And for people who don't know, you know, bar mitzvah celebrations for the most part are. Are like weddings. They're, you know, they're not just, like.

[Danielle]

Depending where you are.

[Adam]

That's. Yeah. I'm trying to, you know.

[Danielle]

Well, I researched it. How much do you think, you know, the average in New Jersey, the average cost of a bar bat mitzvah is.

[Adam]

50,000?

[Danielle]

Yeah. 40.

[Adam]

40.

[Danielle]

And New York City is upwards of 100,000.

[Adam]

That makes sense.

[Danielle]

And it does. It is ridiculous in many ways also, I think that, first of all, you know, when. When you have a wedding, you're getting married, which is obviously a huge milestone. Right. Maybe that marriage will last, maybe it won't. You know, what if two people fell in love and you're celebrating their love? It's fantastic. This, to me is, you know, first of all, he worked his damn ass off from the time he was, you know, he's been practicing since he was, you know, I don't know, six, seven, doing stuff, you know, in Hebrew school. And then he had to learn another language. He was reading and writing Hebrew by the time the bar mitzvah came around. And so it is. It's a celebration of something that is obviously, you know, a tradition that goes all the way back to the Middle Ages. And it's also a celebration of like, you did it. You know, you did it. And on top of that, I very much feel like, look, Jews wake up. I don't know what percentage of the world population I know. Newton in the United states, it's like 2%. Worldwide. I don't know. Is it 6%? I'm not sure. It's a very, very small number.

[Adam]

6% sounds high.

[Danielle]

It might be. I don't know. It's something, you know, ten tiny and. And I think that we. We go through our lives as Jews. You know, there's always the jokes about, you know, you watch the John. John Stewart on the Daily show years ago, if you Google it, you know, the YouTube video, it's hilarious. You know, about Passover versus Easter. Right. And Easter, all the kids are, you know, collecting the Easter eggs and eating candy, and it's just. It's awesome. And, you know, at Passover, we, like. It's matzah and all of our. Well, that's what I'm saying.

[Adam]

But, like. But I see it even more because I sell the stuff, you know, Like, I have Passover supplies. I have Easter supply. Like, the Easter section is, like, fun. You know, the Passover section is like plagues and, you know, finger puppets for the plagues and, you know, like, lots of plates and, you know, like.

[Danielle]

Right. Yeah.

[Adam]

You know, like, what, kid?

[Danielle]

Yeah. And so, you know, and obviously, again, there's a lot of tradition, and a lot of it is rooted in, you know, and I guess Purim is fine, where you dress up and, you know, do all kinds of stuff, but for the most part, as we're growing up, we're. We're kind of inundated with, oh, you know, it's Christmas morning and there's the tree and there's the presents and Santa came and all this stuff. And, you know, and Hanukkah is eight nights, which is fun. And you light a menorah and you play dreidel and look, I love Judaism. Don't get me wrong. I love Judaism. I also love exposing my kids to all the other religions, and I feel a very deep connection in my own way to Judaism. But there isn't a whole lot out there that's like, you know, to be excited about. You could feel proud. You know, you feel pride in, you know, the. The way that Jews have overcome and all of that stuff. But the fun aspect of it is lacking.

[Adam]

Yeah. I mean, look, there's Jewish guilt for a reason, right?

[Danielle]

I mean, well, there's also Catholics guilt, Irish guilt. Oh, yeah.

[Adam]

Oh, yeah. Same situation.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Okay.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Okay. But I mean, the. I guess it stems from something like that because all of our holidays are about, you know, guilt on some level or depression or suffering, you know, all those things. So. Yeah, I mean, I can't think of one. I mean, you said Purim, but I mean, who. Like, I know it's not even.

[Danielle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. I, I. Yeah. So for me, the celebration and everything, do I think that it's extreme in how much People spend and everything. I do, you know, I, I, I, I think it about weddings too. I kind of think it now about all celebrations, you know, the, the amount of money we spend. Although, look, if people can do it, I'm not judging by all means. I'm saying personally, I sort of, you know, feel like, oh, well, you know, we did it very, in a very limited capacity and it was wonderful. And, you know, at the end of the day, everybody is there to be together, and that's what it makes it so wonderful. But, but I do think that, you know, he had been looking forward to this. He's not a very social kid. He loves his friends and, you know, all of that, but he's not, you know, he doesn't go to a lot of parties. He doesn't, you know, his friends are, you know, they're more reserved, group of kids and everything. And so he was so excited to like, have a day and night about him. He's also a third kid. He's the last grandchild, the youngest cousin, all of that. And he's so easy that to give him a day that was all about him really meant it was, it was important to me. More and more important. I think as it went on and I saw his excitement and I saw how much he wanted to, and it was, it's a way, you know, on a general level to also like, invite people into your world. You know, look, this is what my culture is about. This is, you know, sort of like if you go to a quinceanera or, you know, you go to a baptism or a baby naming or, you know, whatever it is, it's a window into something that I think people don't get much exposure to, you know, except for, like, you know, Netflix. There was the. You are so not invited to my Bat Mitzvah, which was, I think, Adam Sandler's highest grossing Netflix movie ever. Yeah.

[Adam]

Huh.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

That's surprising.

[Danielle]

Yeah. Based off of his daughter, I mean. Well, it's based off of a book that was written, but, you know, he had, he, he had his daughter's Bat Mitzvah, I think, the year before, and, you know, it was like a star studded. Can you imagine? Like you're at your bar bat mitzvah, like Jennifer Aniston, David Spade, you know, all those people, as long as they.

[Adam]

Don'T, like, make it about them, you know, like, make it about the kid, I doubt it. I'm sure they didn't.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

But it's got to feel a little bit like if you're The K. Yeah. All these. A list.

[Danielle]

You know, she had an after party also where Halsey, who you probably don't know, who's a singer, she's pretty awesome. Performed and, you know, so she had the bat mitzvah, then an after party.

[Adam]

But it was his kids in the movie.

[Danielle]

It was his kids in the movie, and his wife was in the movie. His real.

[Adam]

Yeah, but not his wife in the movie. It was his friend's wife, I think.

[Danielle]

I thought his wife was in the movie. I haven't seen it in a while.

[Adam]

His wife was in the movie, but it wasn't. She didn't play his wife in the movie. She played, like, his friend's wife. Something.

[Danielle]

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, there's not much other exposure. Like, there are funny scenes where you see boys practicing for the bar mitzvah and their voice is cracking and, you know, and our son really is, like, at the height of puberty right now. It's a very interesting time to have kids sing in a different language.

[Adam]

Well, I mean, it makes sense because, you know, it. You know, it's. The bar mitzvah is when a boy becomes a man, and it's that at that stage. Right. So puberty's kicking in. He's becoming a man. You know, he's.

[Danielle]

Yeah, it's just the most awkward time, you know.

[Adam]

Well, if. If you're missing out on Jewish traditions or venues or holidays, go to a bris. I mean, they're. They're a lot of fun.

[Danielle]

I know. Yeah. Okay, so I asked you, you know, now that we're done, the three kids are done, and you and I. I believe, you know, I think that maybe more me than you feel ties to Judaism in lots of ways. But I wouldn't say we're religious. I would say we love the traditions.

[Adam]

Right.

[Danielle]

We honor our ancestors. You know, we do things to experience the culture. You know, we love the food and all of that. I mean, you know, like, bagels and lox is. Nothing makes me more excited than bagels and lox. But now that the three of them, this really kind of tied us to. In a very consistent capacity to Judaism. And now we. We don't have that anymore. You know, when our kids aren't in Hebrew school anymore, they can do, you know, Birthright Israel. They can do usy, which is a teen version of, you know, like a gathering of Jewish teens and everything, but it's not the same. So I was just interested to hear, like, what you think are. Our relationship with Judaism will be as a family, like Going forward.

[Adam]

Okay, let's take a break and then I'll answer you.

[Danielle]

Okay?

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

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[Adam]

Who was it? Wasn't there. Was it a politician? I forgot who it was. It was within the last year. Who claimed to be Jewish. Wasn't. Does that sound familiar to you? Yeah, somebody who was saying that, you know, they're, you know, Jew dash Ish. Like, ish. You know what I mean? And that's kind of like how we are, right? Like, I, I think so. At least, you know, there's certain traditions that we like and that we follow. You know, there's, you know, we do the holiday, you know, well, we do some of the holidays, like the major ones, you know, for the most part, not even all of those. But first off, I know I'm answering, I'm answering the question that you just asked. But on a side note from that too, I kind of wanted to talk about. I think this was a great lesson for the kids too, because when you do a bar bat mitzvah, it's work. It's not just tradition of like eating matzo ball soup or going to your Hanukkah party or, you know, those kind of things. Like you, you have to do a lot of work and accomplish a lot to make this happen. Right? Like you, you don't. Like, there's no failing. Right. Like, you can't get up there and be like, oh, sorry, they can Cut.

[Danielle]

Your haftora portion in half. Which is what happened with me.

[Adam]

Is that right?

[Danielle]

Yeah. Because our rabbi and cancer were, like, giving me, you know, because I was not a disciplined kid, and they were giving me a speech about, you know, it's coming up and whatever, and, you know, you have to practice or whatever, and, you know, you should really use the, you know, spring break to make sure. And I looked at them, according to my mom. I don't remember this, but according to my mom, I looked at them and said, I. I have a lot of plans. Like, I. I can't. Let's just cut it in half and let's do it like that.

[Adam]

Yeah. I remember being up on the bema and my rabbi tapping me every time I made a mistake. Like a light, you know, I was black and blue by the time the thing was.

[Danielle]

Stop that.

[Adam]

No, but just like. Like little thing. Like. And, like.

[Danielle]

Because he wanted you to do it again or.

[Adam]

No, just to be like. I don't know about doing it again. Just to be like, maybe correct. Like, I don't even know. Who knows? I was 12. I don't remember. You know, whatever. Whatever.

[Danielle]

You were 13?

[Adam]

No, I was 12. It was a month before my birthday. Oh, yeah, it was in June.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

Yeah. So I was 12. But I. But I love the fact that the kids learn. Like, you gotta work your ass off, and you're gonna see a payoff after that's done, you know, like, that's a really good life lesson, you know, so it's not just. So. You know, Judaism isn't just about, like, the celebrations and having a good time and not, you know, just showing up or just, you know, following your family traditions. They. For something like this, they're seeing a huge payoff for how much work and time they have to put into actually accomplishing these. This goal. So I love it for that, you know? And also, you know, I love that your dad got so much enjoyment out of. Not so much the kids, but your dad had so much fun doing this, with calling every night.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

To go over the Hebrew with Jonah and. Yeah. So. But. But I love that. Like, I love that for your dad.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

You know.

[Danielle]

Well, and for us. You know, I. I do believe that without my, you know, my dad, he is religious. He is. He's very, very connected to Judaism. I think he feels more comfortable in a synagogue than anywhere else. He would rather be in synagogue than anywhere else, which baffles me, but I respect it, and that's his choice. And. And, you know, I. I think that without him, a lot of us would, you know, in, in our family would lose that connection. It would be too easy to lose. And he, he really makes sure that we don't as like the patriarch and everything. He really wants us to make sure that we incorporate it into our lives.

[Adam]

Well, it is important because like you said before, how small of a population that we are, it's important to keep us going. Like, we can't just, you know, not, you know, not exist as Jews anymore. You know, we have to keep.

[Danielle]

And the traditions.

[Adam]

Well, so that's what I was gonna say was like, I don't, when he was up, like, I don't know what he's saying. I don't know the prayers, I don't know what they mean. I don't know. Like, I can recite them, I remember them, I can say them. I don't know what they mean. I don't know the stories behind them. I don't know any of that stuff. But for some reason, it's just important to me just because of traditional values or, you know, my connection to Judaism or whatever. So it's. And, and honestly, I'm not going to learn either. I'm not going to like, dive in and be like, I need to understand and, you know, I'm not. That's not going to happen. But there's a connection. There's thing behind it that's just for some reason, like, I'm proud to be Jewish and I want to respect the traditions and I want, or the traditions that we've made or our families have made, like, keeping those things going. So that's what's more important to me than the actual whatever it is behind the scenes, you know.

[Danielle]

Yeah, that makes sense. The actual literal meaning. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam]

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I don't, like, I'm not into the, the God prayers and I'm not into, you know, those, like the Torah, like reading the Torah and understanding. You know, I'm sure there's great lessons and great, you know, just like the b. You know, the Bible or, you know, whatever. Whatever your religious book is, you know. But.

[Danielle]

Well, for the Bar mitzvah. Yeah, it's from the Talmud.

[Adam]

Yeah, I saw. Like, I don't even know that. You know, like, it doesn't, it doesn't resonate with me in any way. But there's just so much about our traditions and culture that are to be appreciated and to keep it going. That that's what's so important.

[Danielle]

Yeah. And I like, for me personally, and I know there are People who are very religious. And look, I respect, you know, I, My, my, my patience for religion and everything kind of doesn't matter what religion you are kind of dies out at the point where you're pushing it on other people. I'm not saying to learn about it and everything. I want my kids to learn about all different religions and everything. But, you know, when someone comes knocking on your door to try to, you know, or, you know, tries to convince you that one is better than the next or, you know, real or not real or all of that, to me, that's where my patience runs out. However people decide to incorporate it into their lives is obviously 100% their call, and I respect it. For me, I think my version of Judaism at this point in my life and for a while now is sort of like the a la carte version. You know what I mean? It's sort of like the picking and choosing of what's meaningful to me and what's not. I don't. My favorite place isn't a synagogue. It doesn't mean I don't ever want to go. I don't hate it. I understand the value of it. I understand the importance and the, you know, the roots and, and the history. But we had the service in. It was a barn where we had the service, and we didn't do a lot of the quote unquote, you know, religious, traditional things. You know, there. There were probably rules that we maybe broke that are not supposed to be done. It was, you know, on Shabbat, we. I kind of swapped the English readings that you're supposed to do from the Bible, which are all about, you know, like, and God said and this and that for, for readings that I thought were meaningful, right? Like, about life that could kind of relate to the audience and to Jonah and everything. Everyone that was there, you know, someone did a reading from Brene Brown. You know, there were a few poems about life, something, you know, about October 7th and, you know, the hostages and everything. Something about peace and bringing peace and how we all have to work together for peace and all of that. And I, I loved, I loved that. And I think that people appreciated that, you know, that you have. And I had my friends who were Christian and you know, come up, coming up and doing it and. Because those are people in his life and our lives who are important to us. And I really want it to be about that, about our core, which is Judaism and a whole lot of other things.

[Adam]

But I. But I think that's one of the great things about, which is Good for us about Judaism is there's so many levels to it and there's so many branches of it. Like, we, like you're saying maybe we broke some rules or whatever, but we had this wonderful rabbi who led the service. If we were doing things that were against the, you know, quote, religion, he wouldn't have done it. He wouldn't have accepted it. He would have said, this is how it has to happen. But he didn't. Like, he did it our way. So obviously it's accepted on that level of his Judaic, you know, whatever. So. So it is like an Alart thing. It is like a pick your own. It is like, as long as, you know, my feeling, my gut feeling about this thing is as long as you're just passing it on and abiding to what Judaism is without having to follow every step of the way, that's what it's all about, you know, like.

[Danielle]

Yeah. And isn't that sort of what spirituality and religion kind of is, Is like, what is it to you?

[Adam]

100%?

[Danielle]

Yeah, but I, But I also feel like some of the time, you know, for me, like, I don't fast on Yom Kippur because, number one, I don't want to fast, and number two, like, I. My relationship with whatever higher power, my relationship isn't that I think they're going to. It's going to be a reflection, a better reflection on me if I, you know, follow that particular rule, right? Like, there are certain. But there are certain rules in Judaism that I do like to follow and that are meaningful to me. And again, you know, some people would say, oh, you're not a real Jew if you don't do that, or, you know, you're not religious, or that's against the blah, blah, blah. And to me, I'm sort of like, but, but why is your Judaism and my Judaism have to look exactly the.

[Adam]

Same, and there's always somebody at another level above them who would look at them and say, well, you're not a Jew, because you don't.

[Danielle]

And I think there's a lot of that in religion. I think there's a lot of judgment even within religions. You know, there's a lot of judgment within religions of, you know, do you go to the place of worship every, you know, that's, that's, that is the standard and that is the. Or do you, you know, do whatever it is, confession or the cat, what is it called, the Eucharist, or, you know, all of these things in different religions that some people within the Religion might be like, oh, they don't do that. And so. And, you know, and my. My personal idea of it is, well, I want. I want to want to do it. You know, I. I don't want to. I don't want it to become something in my life that I really. That feels stressful to me and that feels forced.

[Adam]

But you want to do what?

[Danielle]

I. I want to be. I want to. I want to. Want to do the Jewish traditions in.

[Adam]

The ways that you feel that are.

[Danielle]

Well, I'm saying I don't want to. Like.

[Adam]

Like, you don't want to be more religious? Like, you don't want to want to do that?

[Danielle]

No, no.

[Adam]

Right.

[Danielle]

What I'm saying is there are a lot of things in Judaism that stress me out that, That I either, you know, do. I want. I don't want to spend a full Saturday in a temple. You know what I mean? And. And weekends are. You know, you work all week. Weekends are sort of sacred time in a different way. Some people love it. But if I knew I had to do that every week, I think I would have a bitterness towards it, of course. And I don't want to have that, is what I'm saying. I want to do the things that connect me, that feel meaningful to me. And, you know, and I think that that is sort of the core and that, I hope, is what our kids will do, too. And I do think that there is a sadness in the fact that I think that, you know, they're. Look, a lot of synagogues are struggling right now and everything, and it's really hard. I also think that maybe there are certain modernizing things that could happen that would make people want to go more. And so it's hard because there is this push and pull between tradition and fresh and new and keeping up with the pace of society and the beliefs of society and everything. And it is. It's a push, pull. So it's all very complicated. But.

[Adam]

Well, when you brought up Yom Kippur, that was a really great example because you said you don't fast. I do, except for coffee and water. Right, right. So it's. It's just. It's such an a la carte personal thing, and I don't know why. I do. I don't. I don't. I don't not eat because God's gonna, you know, punish me, like, whatever. You know, whatever the reasoning is. Like I'm supposed to atone for my sins, you know, all those things. I don't really know why. I. I just. I Just do. Because for some reason I feel like I should. I don't think something bad's gonna happen if I don't.

[Danielle]

Right.

[Adam]

You know, I don't think I'm a good or bad Jew either way for whatever I did. Like, none of those, like, first, just that day, I just do that.

[Danielle]

Yeah. But there is definitely judgment, I think, from people when you don't do stuff like that.

[Adam]

I wonder what Jonah's gonna do now, now that he's bar mitzvahed.

[Danielle]

Well, that's what I was thinking about, all three of them. You know, I do a little bit.

[Adam]

Right. Mia doesn't fast.

[Danielle]

Oh, you mean for Yom Kippur?

[Adam]

Yeah, well, that's the. The highest, holiest. You know, that's our one time a year confession to God of all of our sins and repent and all that shit.

[Danielle]

Oh, that.

[Adam]

Yeah. So Mia doesn't. Ian does until. What?

[Danielle]

Like, until he's hungry.

[Adam]

11, 12 o'clock. So I wonder what. Jonah doesn't, obviously, because he was a kid, but I wonder now what his plan. Like, I doubt. I wonder. I'm curious.

[Danielle]

Yeah, no, we'll see.

[Adam]

I wonder if your dad, like, kind of on the side, was like, giving him a. You should probably fast now.

[Danielle]

No, I don't think so, but. But I do worry, you know, he. He speaks Hebrew beautifully and he definitely, I think, has this connection with Judaism, like, through my dad, because he and my dad are so close, and I don't want him to lose that, you know, I am sad a little bit that he. He might lose his knowledge of the language some and everything. And I would like to do something, you know, to try to keep. Have him keep up with it, but it's hard. I wanted to ask. Okay. So we threw this party, like I said, it was at a barn, a beautiful barn on a farm, obviously. And I was wondering. We did it. We planned the whole thing, literally everything. I was wondering what your favorite parts were. If anybody out there is, like, planning a big celebration, if you have any, you know, advice or insights for them.

[Adam]

Yes, I do.

[Danielle]

And also your favorite parts. And, you know, it's hard to say.

[Adam]

My favorite parts because, I mean, the whole thing was just so special and unique in its own way. I love that it was at a barn. I love that it was not your typical venue. Venue. But not that there's anything wrong with those. We did it. And they're wonderful. They're a lot of fun. They're all the same, you know, they're all, you know, it doesn't matter whose party it is, when you walk in, it's the same party. No matter. And again, we did it. I'm not, you know, downplaying it or coming down on anybody for doing it that way. It's a wonderful way to do it. But I love just how different and unique and small Ish it was. It was a very intimate, unique thing. Like, it was. It was just the closest people that mean a lot to us, right? The closest family, the closest friends. The closest. And then Jonas, you know, all of his friends. But. So I love that. Like, I love that it was just an intimate little thing. And I love the place. I think you did a great job picking out this place. I think it was. I couldn't. I couldn't think of a better place to, you know, to do it. Yeah, I really did love it. The service, like you said, not being in a temple, being in a barn. I love. Loved it, you know, so all of those was just. I thought I just found it very different and unique, and I love those aspects of it.

[Danielle]

Oh, good.

[Adam]

Yeah, good. What about you?

[Danielle]

Well, for me, I. First of all, I don't. I know why I did what I did. I know why I did the DIY version. You know, the do it yourself version. Because obviously we were trying to save money and everything. And I'm terrible at this stuff. I am not good at following up on things. I'm not good with deadlines. Like, it goes against every single thing. You know, I am not one of these people who, like, I don't have a creative, crafty bone in my body. I mean, I.

[Adam]

Wait a minute. That's not true.

[Danielle]

Creative as far as, like, I can write, right?

[Adam]

Wait a minute. That's not true. You know how many people said to me, like, oh, my God, that logo on his sweatshirt is like, you made that?

[Danielle]

That was AI.

[Adam]

Oh, you told me you made it.

[Danielle]

I did. I printed it, and AI came up with the logo, and we put it on the sweatshirt.

[Adam]

I was so impressed.

[Danielle]

I mean, I had to put in the right words and everything. Well, that is impressive. You didn't think to do it.

[Adam]

I was telling people I did.

[Danielle]

I made it.

[Adam]

You designed the logo.

[Danielle]

I made it. But what I'm saying is, like, I am not a Pinterest person, right? Like, I don't even know how to fucking use Pinterest. Like, nothing. There's nothing in the realm of my personality that says party planner. Except the fact that, like, I do. Like, a party. I. We. The week before, we went to someone else's Bar mitzvah. And I fucking loved it because I don't do anything right. But. But it was very, very stressful and you know, but. But I have to say one thing I am really good at is researching and putting my finger on the pulse of what's gonna fit a personality. So I was keeping in mind Jonah, he wanted to do a space theme and everything. And I was keeping in mind the fact that I wanted it to feel like him. And you know, and I, when I researched, I wanted to find number one, it's an opportunity to support small businesses, which to me is very important. And women owned businesses. And, you know, I found a caterer who I thought was incredibly unique, incredibly talented. And you know, she was. She's just kind of starting and everything. And she was a phenomenal human also. So that was awesome. And she did these. I mean, the stuff she came up with, I don't know. Even if you, like, she had sushi and then there was like a little heart that you open up the heart and pour the soy sauce on the sushi.

[Adam]

No idea.

[Danielle]

She had, you know, like, like taco style, burrito style. I don't know what the words are exactly, but, you know, closed with clothes pins. And I mean, it was just. To me, people walked in and were like, that's different. Because I didn't want to do a sit down dinner. Number one, it's much more expensive. And number two was a three hour party, so I couldn't, you know. Anyway, her name is Melissa Grayson Decor. If you're in the Tri State area. She is phenomenal. And people's reactions, that made me so happy too. Like, it wasn't the standard. Like you go from the Chinese station to the pasta station to the. This was like. You look at it and you're like, how did she come up with this?

[Adam]

Well, that was my reaction when I walked out and I saw it all laid out. I was like, oh my God, this looks fucking amazing. And I didn't get to eat one thing.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I didn't, I didn't get to eat much either. I ate some, but. But you know, people. Then she came out and she brought up desserts. So it was just. She did a phenomenal job. And I want to give a shout out also to another small business. You know, her name is Kelsey and she does It's a time to Party. And she did the balloon displays, which I'll, you know, I'll put all the pictures and everything in Instagram and all their information will be in the show notes because they Truly are number one. They were just awesome women. I. And I feel like I gained friends from this. Like two friends, you know, and they were so awesome to work with, which was great because, you know, that is part of it. Like people you were. Because there were people with the party planning that weren't, you know, when I was planning that weren't so great to work with. And they were phenomenal. So I really appreciated that. And she also, I mean, my God, what they do with these balloons and everything, it's artistry. I can't even imagine. Like, because of the way my mind works and the spatial stuff, I don't know how they do it. And I know that, you know, that's a big thing right now, all the balloon. But I really felt like when I saw hers, you know, because I looked at a whole bunch of different ones, I was like, oh, she is like, seriously, like an artist. So talented. And again, I'll put bothers because really to support them. And they were fantastic and I loved working with them. And that was part of it too. Like you meet cool people. You know, if I used a party planner, one of the downsides would have been like, it would have all been through her and. Or him. And you don't get those special, I guess, unique touches that I really loved being able to pick that, you know, out of all the caterers and out of all the, you know, decoration people that I was able to pick them.

[Adam]

No, I agree with you, but, but, but it would have been nice too, just to be like, take care of it. Sure.

[Danielle]

Yes, absolutely.

[Adam]

We'll talk about all the things that we had to take care of too, but let's take another break.

[Danielle]

Okay, we'll be back.

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[Adam]

You also asked me if I had any advice for people who are planning a big celebration. And honestly, it would be like, treat it like college and just start saving as soon as possible because you want to just pay somebody to just do it. I mean, what we had to do was, I think I just crazy. But you were Saying, you know, you were taking care of the food, and you were taking care of the DJ and you were taking care of the balloons, and you were taking, like, all those things. And, you know, on the other side, you know, I'm taking care. You know, we got to get the bus for the kids to get there. We got to take care of Uber is for us to get there with boxes and boxes of stuff. Thank God I have a place.

[Danielle]

We had to bring everything.

[Adam]

Yeah. Like, I. Yeah, we had 15 huge boxes of supplies that we. The place provides tables and chairs and a place, and that's.

[Danielle]

That's it. Yeah.

[Adam]

So, you know, I made a friend of. Out of the Uber driver, which was wonderful, because he. He was tremendous. He helped me. So, like, when I got there, it was like, okay, we. I. I went liquor shopping. I bought all the liquor. We brought it. He was helping me bring everything in. I was like, hey, you. We need to go to Wawa. I need ice. You know, once we're there, you know, you don't think about this, all these different things. The guy was in there, you know, 20 bags of ice. The guy is helping me, you know, bring, you know, get the ice. And it. There's so much you have to think about. There's so, like. It was. It was. I would love to have at this point, just been like, I would have paid anything just to have somebody take care of everything, you know, just show up, you know, we did it. I'm proud of us. We made it happen. I don't want to do it again. Would you. If we had another bar mitzvah, bat mitzvah coming, would you?

[Danielle]

No.

[Adam]

Right. Okay. Just wanted to make sure.

[Danielle]

I mean, it's so funny because I felt so bad because, you know, first of all, look, it was before the holidays, which are crazy also, and I felt so bad because I was so, so stressed about it, which is, you know, look, we're so blessed that we were able to, you know, kind of do it, even though we really probably, you know, would have been better to not spend any money. But I. And it's such a blessing, and I'm so, so happy that we did it and to watch Jonah that day and to be with all our friends and everything and our family, but. But I was also excited for it to be over, which is sad.

[Adam]

Not during the party.

[Danielle]

No, not during the party. Party. I mean, but even during the party, you know, I had to check in constantly with, like, the dj, and, you know, oh, are you gonna do the horror? And are you gonna do this and that, you know, and I had to check in with, like, there were people that I had to, you know, still think about and you know, and we had 40 kids there without their parents. And you know, it's, it's still stressful, but.

[Adam]

Yeah, you're right. We, like, we had to keep on top of stuff during that. Like, it wasn't. There was, there wasn't a person there.

[Danielle]

And we had to clean up. I mean, the, they were wonderful with cleaning up, actually. The, you know, the decorations person and the caterer and the bartenders. And the bartenders. They did a phenomenal. I mean, they were wonderful. But you know, you don't think of like, you don't worry usually about cleaning up your own party, like sweeping the floor and stuff.

[Adam]

Yeah. So getting the garbage bags out of there or those kind of things.

[Danielle]

Yeah. But there were things that I really also loved that we did, we did not do a seating chart, which I thought was awesome. I actually think I would never do a seating chart again. I loved that people just sort of like were sitting, you know, because then people were like moving around and talking to other people. And I get that you want to sit people with people that.

[Adam]

But it wasn't a sit down dinner too. So it's different.

[Danielle]

But still, I mean, why. Who care? Like, who cares? So you sit anywhere and you wind up with people and you talk to them and you know, and then I didn't have to feel bad about like who's going to be at our table and who's not going to be at our table and oh, are they. Are we sitting them too close to the kitchen or too close to the TJ and they're older and it's going to be loud and like. No, you just pick your fucking seat. Did you sit a little bit here and there? I tried to.

[Adam]

I didn't sit well. Yeah. I don't know.

[Danielle]

A little bit. Well, I wanted to say there were, you know, some older people there and I wanted to like sit and talk to them a little bit. But. But I do feel very much like at these celebrations, as much as I love them, you know, and you're so happy to bring everybody together. I don't feel like I get quality time with everybody. You know, it feels, it feels very much like I much prefer to be with the people I love one on one, even though I was so happy to share this with them.

[Adam]

Yeah, I did apologize to people too, that I was like, I'm sorry.

[Danielle]

Like, I think everybody feels like they have to do that at A party?

[Adam]

I did. Yeah. I remember doing that because, you know, we had, you know, old friends that were there and I haven't seen them in a while, so I spent a lot of time talking to them and then I.

[Danielle]

It's hard. Yeah, that's exhausting too.

[Adam]

So, you know, I was like, I'm so, like, I'm, you know, I didn't have time to. Whatever, whatever. I just, Yeah, I felt it's, it's hard. I felt bad, you know, and I.

[Danielle]

Also liked that it was a shorter party. I feel like usually it's like five hours. That's a lot. And we had a Havdullah service, which means that the sir. We went, it was a shortened service and we went straight into the party. And what I love so much about that is that I think we had people coming from like an hour away and I think it's very respectful. I think that, you know, oftentimes the service is in the morning and then people have to go home, chill out or wherever. If they're from out of town, they go back to a hotel or whatever. And then at night they come back and there is something so fabulous and special about a night event. Right. Starting at, you know, 7:00 and going until midnight. There's something, you know, exciting about that. But we started it, the party started around 4, 4:15 and was over by 8. Well, no, it started at like 8, 4:30 and was over by 8. And, and I, when it was done at 8, I, I, I felt really good about the fact that like people were going to be driving home when it was still early and yeah, it was far.

[Adam]

That was the issue.

[Danielle]

Yeah. And that now their whole Sunday they're not going to be, you know, useless and so tired because they didn't get home until 1 in the morning. I felt really good about that. You know, I felt good about my parents leaving then and about, you know, the, that people had to drive. And I felt like it was respectful, especially again, we were doing it in a barn in the middle of nowhere. But like, stuff like that, that I think now as I'm getting older, I'm realizing that there needs to be an element of concern about people and what will work best for people. And so that was great for me. You know, knowing that we had done that, I really thought was awesome. And a shortened party also, like, you know, people feel obligated a lot of times to stay the whole time and, and it, I thought it was really a good amount of time. You know, I think another hour or so would have been too much.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

And it's more expensive.

[Adam]

And it was nice, too, because we came home. We were home by, what, 10? And we still had time. You know, me and Jonah were watching a movie on, you know, when we got home. Like, it wasn't like, go home, go to sleep. It's like, there was still time. You know, I got to order some Domino's because I didn't eat food at the party.

[Danielle]

Ian and his friends were.

[Adam]

Yeah, he had his. Right. So we still had, you know, a little bit of time when we got home. The night wasn't over.

[Danielle]

Right.

[Adam]

You know, it wasn't. Come home and go to bed. Like, it was nice to see.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Mia and Jonah still doing their thing when they got home, and.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Slow down and relax from the night, you know, so it was nice.

[Danielle]

And another thing that we sort of did at Ian's, because Ian's. We did jeans and jerseys, which was fun, you know, because people were wearing, like, you know, this was three years ago or whatever with Ian's, and he's such a sports fan. We did jeans and jerseys, which is, I think, very easy. You know, some people didn't wear jeans. They wore nice pants or whatever. But that was awesome because people talk to each other, and we're like, oh, you're a fan of that team, too? Or they had matching jerseys or. It was like a great conversation starter to have that kind of theme. We didn't do that for Jonah's. But my. I. I'm so done with dress codes, and I understand the draw of a. You know, it is fun to get dressed up and everything. I liked giving people the choice. And what I wrote on the invitation was, I want you to come and be ready to party and have fun, and if your best self doesn't feel great in a suit or a constrictive dress or whatever, show up feeling like you please. And, you know, I. Some. A few people wore jeans, which I didn't give a shit, but, you know, some other people probably wouldn't want that at their party. And so you just, you know. Right. No jeans or whatever. This is the kind of standard. But, I mean, people were wearing everything from pretty fancy dresses to just, you know, khakis in a shirt or, you know, women wearing, you know, black jumpers or whatever. Like, I. To me, I don't know, you're. You want to dance, you want to have fun, you want to be able to eat a lot. And I just. I like just letting people come and show up. I don't Give a shit what you're wearing. I want you there, and I want you feeling good about yourself.

[Adam]

Well, that was a good lesson I learned, too, with the party, because I was so involved in making sure I was bringing everything to the party that I forgot my shoes and socks and something else. So I was freaking the out looking for this bag of my stuff. So I had, like, all these nice clothes to wear, and I was wearing my kicker sneakers, and I was like, I can't wear these for the first time.

[Danielle]

You were so upset.

[Adam]

I was so upset. I was so, like, I was trying to be so on top of everything and bringing everything, and that's the thing that I forgot. And then at some point after I was stressed and freaking out and looking, I'm like, finally, it's. It's just not here. Like, it's. There's nothing I can do. I almost ubered to the. If there was a mall, I didn't even know no. To get, like, get some shoes. And I. I took three breaths. Like, this don't mean anything. Who cares?

[Danielle]

Exactly.

[Adam]

You know, it's like an old mindset of, like, it's the bar mitzvah. I gotta be dressed up. Yeah, I got it.

[Danielle]

You looked like a cute, real dad.

[Adam]

Like, whatever. Yeah. Like, yeah. So, you know, that was a good lesson for me, that if that ever happens again, I don't fucking give a shit.

[Danielle]

Well, I was laughing a little bit because you were going insane because you forgot that stuff, and I did really feel bad for you, but I was running. I was running around too. Like, imagine. But I was laughing a little bit because this is really the first event that we've thrown or, you know, anything. When we travel, I take care of everything for the kids and everything. If we go to the beach all the time, I'm the one who's in charge of, you know, all the shit, all the gear. And this is the first time you really were in charge of, like, a bunch of shit. And so when, you know, you were so shocked that you forgot something, and I'm like, oh, welcome to parenthood. Like, welcome to motherhood. Because how many times have I gone to the fucking beach and, you know, I realize I have a towel for the kids and no towel for me, or, you know, we've gone on vacation and I packed the kids bathing suits, but forgot to pack my fucking bathing suits. Or, you know, I packed their whatever and forgot to pack mine. Or, like, that's the story of my life. So by now, I'm kind of an expert, you know, like forgetting stuff. No, not forgetting stuff. Like I double triple check. And I'm sure sometimes I would too. But I was a little bit laughing because I was like, welcome to my world. No boy, a little bit. But I did also feel really bad for you because I know it was really frustrating.

[Adam]

It was. But for like looking back on it now, it's like, how fucking stupid. Like what a thing to stress about on the day of like your son's apartment. So it's like I left my shoe and sock bag somewhere, like. But at the time I was freaking the fuck out, you know. But you know, looking back now, it's like whatever. Like no one even, you know, who cares.

[Danielle]

Yeah, well, I mean I had, it was two hours of setup that we got there early. You know, we get there, set up for two hours and then I like went into the bathroom stall and got myself all dressed. Like when at a party have I ever gone into a bathroom stall and got. But it was not a big deal. Oh, I also thought it was funny. We were talking before about expensive bar mitzvahs. There was in 2005, Steven Tyler and Joe Perry for a multimillion dollar fee and rapper 50 Cent took the stage at New York City's famous Rainbow Room in the early morning hours as headline performers at the $10 million Bat Mitzvah of Long Island. Thirteen year old Elizabeth Brooks and I, I believe the father who threw that party a year or two later was arrested for like sounds right in. In invest. Like insider.

[Adam]

He was probably in like Epstein island or something.

[Danielle]

No, no, he was just like doing weird financial. But he, you know, it always seems like 10 million dollar.

[Adam]

Anybody who has a 10 million dollar bar bomb, it's for any celebration, something, something's happening. Well, right.

[Danielle]

Or you are a celebrity and you do it different.

[Adam]

Right, sure.

[Danielle]

But it really was all, you know, it really was such a special occasion. And again I, you know, I think I learned a lot about how much work goes into these things. And look at the end of the day, obviously, thankfully everything worked out and had something not, it would have sucked, but it would have been fine. And it's one day and it really was so special to just, just have everybody there and you know, I think we need to focus on the parts that we need to focus on. And you know, I, I really thought it was very, very special.

[Adam]

So next time when we have our next kid, what I would do.

[Danielle]

That's so funny.

[Adam]

I would do that kind of party again, but hire somebody to do all the things we did for that party, getting all the stuff or you know, which won't make it as expensive as a venue event, but would alleviate us from all those responsibilities. Yeah, makes sense. Let's do that next time.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

It's not gonna be anything. So. But I guess for their weddings, if they just should decide to get married. Yeah. I mean there's. That's a whole nother.

[Danielle]

Yeah. Well, yeah. Please God, don't even. I need a break from any kind of party thoughts.

[Adam]

But wouldn't you want. I would want like the Jewish traditional, like a rabbi marry. You know what I mean? Like.

[Danielle]

Well, you don't get to decide that. That's going to be your kids decisions.

[Adam]

No, but I'm saying that's what I would want for if that's what they want so far. Right.

[Danielle]

You know, from now. And, and, and one thing I certainly learned from planning our wedding is that this, these won't be our weddings. It's their wedding.

[Adam]

Oh yeah.

[Danielle]

And we will do what they want us to do.

[Adam]

100.

[Danielle]

Yes. And that is number one. I won't. I don't even. Whether or not what we want is not. No, that is the number one thing I learned from our wedding.

[Adam]

And no, I would just tell them just go somewhere and get married. Just the two of you. If that's what you want to do.

[Danielle]

I say that. But also, you know, you want to celebrate. I don't know. It's such a hard. It's such a hard thing to, to navigate because especially now, like, you know, people are getting married a little bit early and I don't even know our parents still paying for it or kids paying for it. Like that's a whole other episode.

[Adam]

But yeah, things have changed, I'm sure.

[Danielle]

I guess somewhat. But yeah. So I guess if people are planning celebrations and everything, I'm going to, you know, all throughout the week I'll be sharing stuff on Instagram and also I'm gonna put some lists on Amazon and stuff of some of the DIY stuff that I got for the party and you know, and all the information about the caterer and the, the decorations women and you know, a bunch of other stuff will be in the show notes and on Instagram throughout the week.

[Adam]

So I have a question though, before we leave. So at the end of the night, we had a bunch of drinks. I was drunk. You were drunk. But I feel like I was on top of everything. Like I wasn't like drunk.

[Danielle]

Like you gave away $400 in candy.

[Adam]

My question, I. I remember the end of the night. I was tipping people. I remember how much I tipped them. So I wasn't just, like, you know, throwing bills around. Like, I remember that. I remember cleaning up. I remember everything. But I don't remember giving the candy away.

[Danielle]

You gave it to one of the women who worked at the place, like, literally. Because we gave out candy for the kids. For the ride home, we brought five.

[Adam]

Boxes, you know, big 25 inch by whatever, 15 inch boxes full of candy, tons of candy. And we were left with, like, two of those boxes. So I guess I was just.

[Danielle]

Yeah. And I remember thinking to myself, what's he doing doing that? But I didn't want to be the one to be like, no, but at least.

[Adam]

At least I'm. I was a nice drunk. Yeah. Just giving candy.

[Danielle]

Yeah. But Jonah was pissed.

[Adam]

He was.

[Danielle]

He was like, well, that's the thing.

[Adam]

I can at least bring home some more, you know, it's not a problem. But it's just so weird that I remember everything except for that. That one. Was there anything else that I don't. I don't.

[Danielle]

I don't think I. I don't think so.

[Adam]

I don't remember. I think I was gone. Oh.

[Danielle]

Except on the way home that we had to pay the Uber driver or the driver cash. And none of the banks were open, so I had to open one of Jonah's cards and take the cash out, which is probably a parenting fail, but obviously we'll give them the cash back and everything. But I was like, wait, wait, all the ATMs are closed. Wait, we have a whole thing of cash from people right here. Let's just open envelopes until we find one with cash. Those were such good parents. All right, well, thanks for letting us share and check out Instagram all week. And also we have awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome gift lists. Gift lifts. Oh, my God.

[Adam]

Keep going.

[Danielle]

Try again. Gift lists on Amazon. Amazon.com shop marriagemartinis and sign up for our email on our homepage of our website, because I'm going to be sharing a lot of great deals and everything from other brands that we love for the holidays, so.

[Adam]

Very good.

[Danielle]

All right, see you next week.

[Adam]

Thanks, guys.

[Danielle]

Bye.

[Adam]

Bye.

[Narrator]

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