Marriage and Martinis - Episode: Brought To You By The Letters "A, D, H, and D"

Release Date: March 10, 2025

In this compelling episode of Marriage and Martinis, hosts Danielle and Adam open up about their personal journeys with ADHD and OCD, offering listeners an intimate look into how these conditions influence their marriage, parenting, and daily lives. The episode serves as a candid exploration of mental health within the family unit, highlighting both the struggles and strengths that come with managing these diagnoses.

1. Introduction to ADHD and OCD in the Family

Danielle initiates the conversation by revealing her recent diagnosis of OCD, adding to her existing ADHD diagnosis. She reflects on the long journey to this revelation, stating:

“I, I don't think we've spoken about it since my recent, since the revelation, the world-changing revelation of my psychiatrist and therapist that I have OCD. OCD? Yeah, I fucking do.”
— Danielle [01:15]

This announcement sets the stage for a deeper discussion about how mental health conditions have been navigated within their household.

2. ADHD in Their Children

The couple discusses their children's experiences with ADHD and autism. Danielle shares the story of their middle son, Ian, who was diagnosed at eight years old, emphasizing how his traits mirrored ADHD symptoms:

“He literally could never sit still. I mean, he couldn't sit still for two minutes.”
— Danielle [03:01]

Mia, their eldest daughter, was diagnosed on the autism spectrum with severe ADHD symptoms at 19. Danielle notes the complexity of diagnosing ADHD in girls, who often exhibit internalized symptoms that are less visible than the external behaviors typically seen in boys.

3. Gender Differences in ADHD Diagnosis

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to exploring why ADHD is often underdiagnosed in females. Adam points out the challenges associated with this disparity:

“You can’t easily see and relate to having ADHD.”
— Adam [56:36]

Danielle concurs, highlighting societal expectations and traditional gender roles that further complicate the recognition and diagnosis of ADHD in women.

4. Societal Impact on ADHD Symptoms

Danielle discusses how modern society's fast-paced nature exacerbates ADHD symptoms, particularly executive dysfunction and attention issues:

“Our daily life moves so fast, right? Our daily life moves so fast.”
— Danielle [10:08]

Both hosts agree that societal structures often fail to accommodate the needs of individuals with ADHD, leading to increased stress and challenges in maintaining organizational habits.

5. Personal Struggles and Coping Mechanisms

Danielle opens up about her personal struggles with self-identity post-diagnosis, expressing feelings of confusion and relief:

“This now, coming to realize that maybe my perception of myself wasn't what I thought it was.”
— Danielle [49:36]

She also touches on addictive behaviors driven by dopamine deficiency, linking them to her ADHD:

“Some people have a hyper of it and some people have a less than.”
— Danielle [29:25]

Adam shares his experiences with managing ADHD over the years, emphasizing the importance of recognizing both strengths and weaknesses associated with the condition.

6. Therapy and Medication

The conversation delves into the roles of therapy and medication in managing ADHD and OCD. Danielle expresses frustration with therapists who lack specialization:

“I shouldn't need to tell you something about my condition. I would hope that you're going and, you know, trying to research it yourself.”
— Danielle [43:41]

Adam discusses the balance between leveraging strengths and mitigating weaknesses through therapeutic interventions:

“I found my strengths and I found how I can better them.”
— Adam [40:47]

7. Gender Roles and Their Impact

Danielle explores how traditional gender roles have negatively impacted her experience with ADHD, particularly in a highly gendered family environment:

“Gender roles very much negatively impacts women with ADHD.”
— Danielle [56:52]

She reflects on feeling ostracized for not conforming to expected behaviors, linking this to her ADHD-related challenges with spatial and time awareness:

“There's a lack of spatial and time awareness that comes with ADHD.”
— Danielle [56:52]

8. Conclusion and Future Discussions

As the episode wraps up, Danielle and Adam express gratitude towards their listeners and outline plans for future discussions, including a follow-up episode focusing on Adam's experiences with ADHD. They encourage listeners to rate and review the podcast to support their work amidst challenges with podcast platform changes.

“Please rate and review. You guys have been so awesome.”
— Danielle [69:45]

They also touch briefly on their foray into political activism, acknowledging the support of their community in navigating these new terrains.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Danielle [01:15]: “I have OCD. OCD? Yeah, I fucking do.”
• Danielle [03:01]: “He literally could never sit still. I mean, he couldn't sit still for two minutes.”
• Adam [05:46]: “It's harder because of the symptoms and the masking.”
• Danielle [10:08]: “Our daily life moves so fast, right? Our daily life moves so fast.”
• Danielle [49:36]: “This now, coming to realize that maybe my perception of myself wasn't what I thought it was.”
• Adam [40:47]: “I found my strengths and I found how I can better them.”
• Danielle [56:52]: “Gender roles very much negatively impacts women with ADHD.”
• Danielle [43:41]: “I shouldn't need to tell you something about my condition. I would hope that you're going and, you know, trying to research it yourself.”

Final Thoughts

This episode of Marriage and Martinis offers a raw and honest examination of ADHD and OCD within a marriage and family context. Danielle and Adam's discussion provides valuable insights into the often-overlooked challenges faced by women with ADHD, the societal pressures that exacerbate these conditions, and the importance of specialized mental health support. Their openness serves as a beacon for listeners navigating similar paths, emphasizing that understanding and support are crucial in managing mental health within familial and marital relationships.