Do You Feel What I Feel? - An Episode About Support

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Do You Feel What I Feel? - An Episode About Support"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Marriage and Martinis
• Hosts: Danielle & Adam
• Episode: Do You Feel What I Feel? - An Episode About Support
• Release Date: March 3, 2025

---

Introduction

In the episode titled "Do You Feel What I Feel? - An Episode About Support," Danielle and Adam delve deep into the intricacies of emotional support within a marriage, especially amidst turbulent societal and political landscapes. This episode offers listeners an authentic glimpse into the challenges couples face when navigating personal emotions, external pressures, and evolving relationship dynamics.

---

Navigating Overwhelming Emotions

Danielle opens up about the overwhelming emotions she experiences due to her deep involvement in political and social issues. She expresses difficulty in distinguishing between normal emotional responses and being completely engulfed by external events:

[01:23] Danielle: "I have obviously been in the thick of everything going on... I'm in it online and with my social media account... it's hard for me to gauge what is a normal amount of emotion response."

Danielle highlights her constant engagement with social media and family discussions, which amplify her emotional strain. She shares a poll she conducted, revealing that 45% of respondents feel entirely consumed by current events, indicating a widespread sense of overwhelm.

---

The Shift Towards Mutual Support

Adam acknowledges the changes in their relationship dynamics, admitting that he has become more understanding and supportive over time. He reflects on his initial struggle to respond to Danielle's intensity:

[07:04] Adam: "I think I'm just in that mindset. We're at a very pivotal point in our lives right now... There's been a little bit of a disconnect with us, right? Not bad, not negative, just like it hasn't been like a loving relationship."

As the conversation progresses, Adam discusses his realization of the need to balance his enthusiasm with Danielle's need for support, fostering a more collaborative and understanding partnership.

---

Redefining Masculinity and Communication

A significant portion of the episode addresses the concept of masculinity versus toxic masculinity. Danielle criticizes societal expectations of men, emphasizing the importance of "sensitive masculinity" over harmful stereotypes:

[09:26] Danielle: "No, being a strong man who can take care of a situation and finding someone who needs assistance to step up and do something... that shows so much strength."

The hosts discuss the impact of popular figures like Joe Rogan and Elon Musk on their perceptions of masculinity and how these influences create disconnects in their relationship. Danielle stresses the importance of emotional responsiveness and empathy:

[27:21] Danielle: "You're emotionless a lot. And so I'm pleading for some kind of emotion."

---

Coping with Loss and Seeking Connection

The episode takes a poignant turn as Danielle and Adam share their experiences of losing their beloved dog. Danielle describes the profound sadness and the struggle to find comfort:

[40:31] Danielle: "We put our dog down... He would sleep under the bed, under the sheets next to my legs for 10 years."

Adam reflects on his limited experience with pet loss, expressing a newfound understanding of Danielle's grief. This shared vulnerability strengthens their bond, highlighting the importance of mutual support during difficult times.

---

Balancing Personal Needs and Relationship Support

Danielle articulates her need for a break from the constant barrage of social media and external stressors. She proposes a getaway to a quiet cabin, seeking respite and reconnection:

[55:26] Danielle: "I need to go somewhere to, like, a cabin or something for a few days. I need to go somewhere where it feels like all of this stuff doesn't exist."

Adam responds with a blend of humor and willingness, showcasing his support:

[54:41] Adam: "I want to make sure we're there for each other, for all of the hard stuff, the good stuff, all the stuff."

This dialogue underscores the delicate balance between supporting a partner's need for solitude and maintaining open communication within the relationship.

---

Insights from Audience Polls

Throughout the episode, Danielle shares insights from various polls she conducted on social media:

1. Emotional Consumption:

   • 45% feel entirely consumed by current events.
   • Another significant percentage feel mostly consumed, indicating widespread emotional fatigue.

2. Impact of Political Differences:

   • 77% of couples voted the same way in the election, with 27% experiencing relationship strain due to differing views.
   • 40% of women feel their partners are trying to be more supportive, though it's often insufficient.

3. Dating Preferences:

   • 81% of single respondents would avoid dating someone with opposing political views.

These statistics highlight the pervasive impact of political polarization on personal relationships and individual well-being.

---

Conclusion: Building a Supportive Partnership

The episode culminates with a heartfelt discussion on what support means within their marriage. Adam emphasizes the significance of enthusiasm and active involvement in each other's lives:

[48:07] Adam: "You're in. You're excited. You're helping. You're doing research. You're going to be involved... that's been what I've needed."

Danielle appreciates this shift, acknowledging the positive changes in their relationship dynamics. She underscores the necessity of patience, understanding, and mutual support to navigate both personal and external challenges effectively.

---

Takeaways

• Emotional Awareness: Recognizing and validating each other's emotions is crucial for a healthy relationship.

• Active Support: Being actively involved and enthusiastic about a partner's endeavors fosters a stronger bond.

• Communication: Open and empathetic communication can bridge gaps created by external pressures and differing perspectives.

• Balancing Personal Needs: Taking time for self-care and rejuvenation benefits both individuals and the relationship as a whole.

• Navigating Societal Pressures: Understanding the impact of societal and political environments on personal well-being is essential for maintaining emotional balance.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Danielle at [09:26]: "Being a strong man who can take care of a situation and finding someone who needs assistance to step up and do something... that shows so much strength."

• Adam at [27:21]: "You’re emotionless a lot. And so I’m pleading for some kind of emotion."

• Danielle at [55:26]: "I need to go somewhere... where it feels like all of this stuff doesn’t exist."

---

This episode of Marriage and Martinis offers a candid exploration of the complexities of emotional support in marriage, emphasizing the importance of empathy, active involvement, and open communication. Danielle and Adam's honest dialogue provides valuable insights for couples navigating similar challenges in today's fast-paced and often divisive world.

Transcript

[Adam]

The new Boost Mobile network is offering unlimited talk, text and data for just $25 a month for life.

[Danielle]

That sounds like a threat.

[Adam]

Then how do you think we should say it?

[Cameron]

Unlimited talk, text and data for just.

[Danielle]

$25 a month for the rest of your life.

[Cameron]

I don't know. Until your ultimate demise.

[Adam]

What if we just say forever? Okay, $25 a month. Forever.

[Cameron]

Get unlimited talk, text and Data for just $25 a month.

[Adam]

With Boost Mobile Forever, after 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan.

[Cameron]

SA hey, everybody. Welcome to Maritime Martinis. I'm Adam. Here's Danielle.

[Danielle]

Hello.

[Cameron]

Do you want to start this one, please?

[Danielle]

Oh, yeah, put me on the spot. I just ate salami.

[Cameron]

Yeah, you did.

[Danielle]

No, that was probably a bad idea. I'm feeling like I can't get the taste out of my mouth.

[Cameron]

Or out of your teeth.

[Danielle]

Oh, it's in my teeth. Oh. Why didn't you tell me?

[Cameron]

I just did.

[Danielle]

I know, but why didn't you tell me before that?

[Cameron]

Cuz I just saw it.

[Danielle]

I appreciate that.

[Cameron]

Yeah, I don't like if, you know, people should. I think that should be a common courtesy.

[Danielle]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Cameron]

If somebody's, you know, has like lettuce in their. You know, what if they ate a salad? They lettuce. Like tell someone, don't just let them.

[Danielle]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. That'd be much appreciative. So I have obviously been in the thick of everything going on, you know, all over the place. It's hard for me. It's really hard for me to gauge what, you know, what is a normal amount of emotion response, all that stuff. And what is me just being so in it on every level. Right. Because I'm in it online and with my social media account. I'm in it my. Because my family is involved, you know, and my siblings and you know, I have family that lives in D.C. and my sister in law, you know, works for the environmental.

[Cameron]

You'll get it.

[Danielle]

Which is. I always get confused. Environmental Defense? No, Defense fund. Oh, yes.

[Cameron]

Not the Environmental Protection Agency.

[Danielle]

One of those. I think it's the defense fund. I always get it mixed up. I'm so sorry. If you're listening, you know, my brother worked under Buttigieg in the Department of Transportation. Like I'm in it on so many levels. Right. My family has a text chain. We're talking about it constantly. And so. I know, I know it's not a normal level of consuming and feeling and being immersed. However, I think the level that I've felt for the past, you know, since 2015, when he was running Trump, and I've always been a little, you know, over the top, a little bit, or so everybody thought. I think people are now sort of matching my. My concern, my rage, my, you know, my heartbreak. And in some ways, look, I. It feels less lonely. It was lonely for a long time in the way that, like, people kind of were. And I still know a lot of people who are just able to live their lives. And I'm so jealous. But at the same time, I also know that, you know, I can't. I can't do that, but I am. I. It does seem. I did a poll a few days ago on Instagram, and I gave a few different options of, like, you know, where are you at right now? Right. Like, are you calm?

[Cameron]

Are you mostly calm just about the current situation or in general?

[Danielle]

Well, you can't really separate it from anything else. Right. Because everybody has what's going on in their life, and then it's. It's completely exacerbated by what's happening in the country. So it's hard to separate. But. Oh, you know, how are you feel? Like. Yes. With all of this happening, how are you feeling? And I can't pull up. I can't find the. I took a screenshot of it, but anyway, about 45% said they are all consumed. Like, all consumed. It's all they can think about day in, day out. They're not sleeping, you know, like, the whole thing. And that's a big number. And I think another one was, like, mostly consumed, but not all consumed. You know, a good amount said that very few said, I'm fine. And so, you know, it is all consuming, and it does. It's. I have to sometimes remind myself, like, no, this is the whole country. It's not just you dealing with this. Sometimes it feels like, oh, my God, it's just me, you know?

[Cameron]

Well, it's obviously not just you.

[Danielle]

Well, it feels sometimes like I internalize it so much.

[Cameron]

Yes. And I think also being married to me, you feel like you're alone in.

[Danielle]

This for a long time. Yeah.

[Cameron]

I mean, but. Right. I don't. I don't. I don't want to say also, even now, like, I don't feel like you should feel like you're alone.

[Danielle]

No, I don't feel like that now.

[Cameron]

Right.

[Danielle]

We'll talk about that.

[Cameron]

Okay. All right, so, fine. So we'll get to that.

[Danielle]

Yeah. So anyway, this is not something that just I'm feeling and quite honestly, some people have said to me, you know, I'm doing a lot of content about it right now because it just feels silly to do some other stuff. And I've tried, I've. I've put out some, you know, more light hearted reels and everything like that and they're just not hitting the same and I feel like people are sort of like I can't even pretend like this is. I can laugh or I can, you know, like hopefully we'll get to a point where it's more balanced. But I think it's right now it's just shock and awe.

[Cameron]

Yeah. I mean, look, like you said, we're in the thick of it now, right. We're one month in all the that's happened within the month, you know, like.

[Danielle]

That seems crazy, isn't it?

[Cameron]

Crazy like it feels like we're a decade in.

[Danielle]

Well, we kind of are. I mean for those of us who have known what's coming. Yes. For who were screen who've been screaming. That's also the thing is that I've been screaming from the rooftop since 2015. And you know, and so a lot of us who have been doing that in whatever capacity are sort of like we're so tired and we're so drained.

[Cameron]

Especially now because we are just a month and a half in. Right.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Cameron]

So don't they have to push to like get out as much as possible within the first so many days?

[Danielle]

Yeah, 100 days.

[Cameron]

Yeah. Right. So. So we're feeling all of that and every day it's five new things or however many it is of just.

[Danielle]

That's on purpose.

[Cameron]

Right. That's what I'm saying. Right. Just to get it all out there and done within the first hundred days. And that's where we are.

[Danielle]

Yeah. So. And, and I know that there are some people are like, oh God, move on from this topic. So I do want to do it more as like how do we support each other in heavy times kind of thing. Right. This doesn't just have to be a thing about, you know, what's going on in the state of the country. Like I do think that in the past, I would say, I don't know, even couple weeks I've seen such a shift in you and your sensitivity towards me. I mean a major shift. And I think that a lot of that has to do with where we are in our relationship and it would be that regardless. Or irregardless or that's not even a word.

[Cameron]

That's not a word.

[Danielle]

I know. Sorry, sorry, sorry of what I was upset about. Like, I just think that you're softer and more gentle.

[Cameron]

Okay, but.

[Danielle]

And I know that, that maybe that sounds the opposite of like manly to you, but in my mind it couldn't be more different. Like, in my mind, that is. You know, I had a guy come on our, my, my page when one of my posts, the post that I did about. I did a post about Theresa Bernhole. Who's Bernhol? Sorry, who is the woman in Idaho who. I showed you the video and was like, listen, you need to understand what is happening. And a guy came on and he's like, oh, all of a sudden you ladies want toxic masculinity because we're asking a man to step in. Right? So we got, I got a lot of, look, the comments are insane. But he was basically like, oh, all of a sudden you ladies love toxic masculinity. And I was sort of like, no, fuck face, we like masculinity. Good masculinity, you know, like sensitive masculinity. No, that's completely different from toxic masculinity.

[Cameron]

Right? No. Being a strong man who can take care of a situation and finding someone who needs assistance in a situation like that to step up and do something.

[Danielle]

Right, Right.

[Cameron]

Absolutely right.

[Danielle]

I mean, I don't think there's any woman out there who's, who would be like, I don't. When there's three, four big men coming at you who would be like, I don't need a man to step in. We need as much of everything and everyone to step in as possible right now. But, but so when I say softer, I mean that in a very masculine. Like, to me, that is, that shows so much strength. Like I, when you would come at me, even those two episodes that we did around the election. And I know you're going to talk about that a little bit or I asked you to talk about that a little bit. After that I was really like, oh my God, he really is in this like, bro club. Like he really has bought into it this whole. The more that I, the more that I disregard her, what she's feeling and know that it's, you know, feminist or woke or whatever. The more I, you know, that that's, I don't know, that's masculinity or that's strength or. And to me it was just such a turn off. But I think. And I did some polls that I haven't looked at yet because they're still up, but I'm gonna, you know, look at them and I'll read them. But, you know, I think there's, again, this. This real disconnect between what we, as women, as many. I'm not gonna speak for everybody, but a lot of women that I speak to think of as masculine and strong and sexy. And what you guys think is masculine and strong and sexy. And a lot of that has to do with these messages. You know, that's why people get really angry at me when I say I don't like you listening to Joe Rogan. But yet, time and time again, I've been proven right that those messages, even though you're like, oh, I just like the interviews or whatever, he's still who he is, you know, and you have a history of. Look, you know, you loved Elon Musk. You loved.

[Cameron]

Well, that's not true. I've never loved Elon Musk. I loved my car.

[Danielle]

You thought he was a genius. You thought he is a genius. All right. Well, it's all debatable. It's very debatable.

[Cameron]

All right. I mean, from. From what I've seen, yes, he is a genius. From what I've seen in the last month and a half, he's crazy out of his mind, like, in destroying this country.

[Danielle]

Well, but he's been crazy out of his mind for a long time. The problem is, is that I think you listen to this stuff and you're like, oh, it's harmless, but you don't know the other side of it. And so when I say I don't like you listening to Joe Rogan, you know, you. The Bill Maher, you just the other day said to me, oh, I just. And I've been saying, I've been warning you about Bill Maher, and he says he's a Democrat. I mean, I don't even know. I just think he's kind of an asshole. Even though sometimes I agree with what he says. But, like, I feel like on every front, you've had this, you know, especially because you say you don't have a lot of guy friends and everything. And so you go towards these. These personalities, you know, these platforms and everything. And it's not. It's not good for our relationship. Maybe again, women have come at me being like you. I would never tell my husband what to listen to or whatever. But fine, that's you. I mean, you know, I feel differently, and I want a guy who's sensitive, and I want a guy who. I'm not having to fight against all of these ridiculous bro attitude stereotypes and so, you know, you loved crypto. You loved bitcoin, like, all the things that, like, you would sort of be like, oh, this is cool. This is fun, and we're actually not great, you know.

[Cameron]

Well, no, I don't agree with that, but I. In certain circumstances, yes. Like, I. I felt like I've barely even. Not even, honestly, because of you. Yeah. All right, let me. Let me go back. Yes. Somewhat because of you, I've been listening a lot less to Joe Rogan.

[Danielle]

A lot less.

[Cameron]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

You're still listening to him.

[Cameron]

If. If there's only. Because if there's, like, a specific guest that I want to hear, I would listen to it.

[Danielle]

Can't you, like, go into the search bar on the podcast, like, put that person's name in.

[Cameron]

Fine. But only because now of what's happened and what's going on today, like, I see. Yes. Because of things that you've said to me and because of opening my eyes to actually what's happening in this world now and what he has helped create that. Yeah, I don't. I don't listen to that kind of stuff as much anymore sometimes. Yeah. Do I agree with you on the bitcoin stuff? No. But, you know, that. That's another conversation that's a different debate, but. And again, like, I've. I, like, with the Elon Musk thing. I was never an Elon Musk fan. Do I think he's incredibly smart? Yes. Do I love the car that he built? Yes. Do I like what he's doing now? No. You know, so, like, I don't know.

[Danielle]

It's a whole culture that's out there that you very much submitted to. And I do believe that. I think you had a tendency to listen to and look to the same kind of guy, and that was kind of what you were consuming most of the time. And I think that it. It really did affect you, who already, admittedly, wasn't really that, like, I'm not. This isn't me talking. This is you talking, saying, I'm not really that emotional of a person. I'm not really that sensitive of a person. And then you're listening on top to these voices. And look, I. I'm fighting fewer and fewer men right now who. I'm sort of like, yeah, that's who I would listen to. But they are. There are better choices. And so, you know, I think that it does matter, and that does. It does cause a greater disconnect. You know, look, you could say the same thing about listening to women who just bash men all the time. Right. And who are sort of like, all men are bad and everything, you know, and so, like, even with the Tate brothers, you, you know, coming back and Trump letting him in, you know, one of the things I said in one of my reels is, look, this is a slap in the face, even for men who want to be really good men and who are trying so hard to be good men and to do all the good things. Like, I really do believe that there are so many men out there who want to be good men, and it's hard to fight against this culture, this bro culture right now. And so, I don't know. So I just wanted to.

[Cameron]

Well, I guess especially now because the bro culture is in office, right. And along with people who are not in office but are like an Elon Musk, who is, you know, not an elected anything, but part of that system now. So, I mean, that's what. That's what's in there. So, yeah, it's hard to avoid it at this point, I guess. Right. But I don't know, the. The further in it gets to this presidency, the more and more I'm like, yeah, I kind of get what you're saying. Like, we need to have these. These discussions. We need to talk about this stuff. And I'm, you know, understanding more that where I thought you maybe were being irrational or too intense or too, like, yeah, all right, now I kind of get it. It makes. Maybe it makes a little sense at this point, you know, But. But so my issue was, and I think this. This could be kind of a. I don't know the right word to use when you would discuss those things with me. It was very intense and very forthcoming and very, like, from the start. And maybe that's why I reacted the way I did initially. Some of it and other reasons being maybe I didn't agree with you on certain things where maybe now more I do. So you kind of asked me what shifted. Why am I so much more understanding and sympathetic and, you know.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I mean, you've had a really fast, pretty, pretty substantial shift in your whole personality around it all.

[Evelyn]

This message comes from Greenlight. Ready to start talking to your kids about financial literacy? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app that teaches kids and teens how to earn, save, spend wisely, and invest with your guardrails in place. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance, and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications. Join millions of parents and kids building healthy financial habits together. On Greenlight. Get started risk [e-mail]. listen, greenlight.com. listen.

[Cameron]

Well, yeah, look, I. Number one, it's because I see what's going on, right? So I have to understand why it is the way that you're feeling, right? And number two, I mean, just. We'll get into more of this in a bit, I guess. But I. What I've come to realize is just like me, when I get full force into something, I am intense. Right? And we spoke about this a little bit before, like, starting this new business and like, how I get with all of that. And it's too much, right? It was too much for you. You had to say something to me. And that's kind of how I felt about how you are with all of this. Right? It was too intense. It was. Was too much. It was too much like all at once for me to. I didn't know even know how to react to it. So I stepped back, we had a conversation and was like, I, I am this way about certain things. You are this way about these things. It's not fair to. For me to ask you to support me when I'm acting the way that you know what I'm saying, like vice versa here. So I need to be sympathetic to the way you're reacting to this situation just as I am to mine. And it makes sense. And I can. And I, I have an understanding of the things you were saying. Maybe I wasn't getting it because of the way it was coming across. The way you were verbalizing it to me and intensely. No, I mean, it's something I've been.

[Danielle]

Trying to verbalize to you for so long. No, but never listen.

[Cameron]

If there was a camera on us with you talking to me about this stuff, you may, you might understand a.

[Danielle]

Little bit better because you never ever, not only just took me seriously, it was the opposite. You were always annoyed no matter what, and there was never any, okay, tell me how you feel about that, or I wanna know more why you feel this way or if this is something that you feel like is making me act a certain way towards you. Yeah, I wanna know more. There was none of that. There was none of, like, peeling away the layers and being like, okay, I want to hear what she wants to say. It was again that very bro, like, misogynist. And I know people hate that word, but it's true attitude of, screw her. This is how I feel. I can listen to what I want to listen to. It doesn't matter. She can't tell me, like. And and, and it was really hurting us. And so it was, you know, a lot of our relationship, I think, in the past has really been rooted in a. You feel like you don't need to listen to what I have to say. And.

[Cameron]

No, I feel this time in the past, possibly yes or probably yes with this. To me, it was like, when you're trying to explain what's going on to me and you're banging your fist on my lap or my computer and you're pointing and you're yelling like. And I'm like, I'm sorry. Like, I felt like I. I was supposed to apologize like, that I did this. Like, that's how it was being portrayed.

[Danielle]

But you're. You were saying to me all the time, it doesn't affect us. How. What am I supposed to do with that?

[Cameron]

Yeah, but this was only a couple, even a few days ago. Even, like, what do you mean? Watch it. When. When you're explaining to me like we were having a discussion what's going on and how frustrated and, and, and passionate you were getting about everything. The way that you come across to me, I guess, was. It was so incredibly intense. And so, like, you're. You were literally, like, banging your fist on my lap or on my computer, not mad at me, just explaining the situation of what's going on. And I'm like, how do I respond to this? How do I even engage in a conversation with this? It's so incredible.

[Danielle]

Like, I don't understand how you expect anybody to respond any differently.

[Cameron]

But if you are talking to the president. Yes, but you're talking to me to have a conversation. There's a difference.

[Danielle]

I think I was. Look, a lot of times you'll say to me, you're always on your phone or this or that or whatever. Like, and through these kinds of things, I feel way more connected and seen and heard from the women online who are in my community and stuff. For a long time, I have than with you with this, you know, this kind of stuff or whatever it is that's going on. School shootings or, you know, when Roe v. Wade was overturned. I didn't hear two fucking words from you when Roe v. Wade was overturned. And so you want to go. You just naturally want to go where you feel seen and heard. And right now I think a lot of us feel like, what else can we do? We screamed from the rooftops for 10 years, and nobody listens to us. And they were all like, oh, you're ridiculous. I mean, I remember people in your family saying to me, roe v. Wade will never be overturned. And I remember, like, putting my hand being like, why would you ever assume that? Who takes that for granted? You know? And. And so I think that's it. We're fucking. We're. I'm exhausted from it. I'm exhausted. Same reason why, you know, a lot of. A lot of people now are tweeting out. Not that I'm on Twitter, but people repost at places and everything or on threads or on Instagram or whatever. I didn't think it was going to get this bad. I'm regretting my vote. You know, not a ton of people, but a good amount for how quickly it happened. And I'm regretting my vote. And then people get mad if you're sort of like, yeah, I get it. You know, and, like, it's going to take a second for certain of us to be like, look, I'm happy for anybody to see the truth of this administration whenever it happens. But it's also going to take us a second when we're in what we're in because nobody listened to us to be like, okay, come on over, you know, let's come join us. And, and, and, and look, that has to happen eventually, right? We have to be willing to do that if we're going to get out of this. But it's the same type of thing. Like, yes, you're. You're. You're being so sensitive and stuff now, but you also cannot discard the fact that I didn't get any of this from you. I got the opposite for so long. So, of course I'm frustrated. I have some resentment. I harbor some ill feelings about it for all the things, you know, and I think that I'm so grateful for where you are now, but I think that you have a tendency to be like, okay, well, let's wash our hands of what happened and just move on.

[Cameron]

And, you know, I don't think that's.

[Danielle]

Well, that's what you're saying, but I.

[Cameron]

Don'T think that's true now. Like, I don't think you're sitting here saying it. No, no, I'm not. I don't. I don't think I'm saying, like, the past was the past. Like, let's move on. Like, what you're saying.

[Danielle]

I'm getting too passionate about it. But when you've been screaming from the rooftops for 10 years, it's like, the kids, right? When they're like, all she does is yell, boy. And I'm sort of like, yeah, because when I ask you to do something 10 times and you don't do it. I'm sorry. Like, gentle parenting, my ass. You asked somebody to do something 10 times and that I'm gentle. No. What can I do? Like, I'm enraged. And. And I think a lot of what you're saying is chill. Don't feel your true emotions. Like. Like tame that.

[Cameron]

No, that's not true at all. It's not even a bro thing at all. Like, I think that's what you think I'm thinking. It's. It was. All I said was the way that you were bringing it forth towards me about the way that you feel was like I was the bad guy. And I'm like, I don't know how to respond to that. So I guess it was a negative response.

[Danielle]

You're emotionless a lot. And so I'm pleading for some kind of emotion.

[Cameron]

I agree with you. And, and, and I. How I've come to think about this situation is. Okay, I see she's so intense and so passionate and so all the things maybe if I just respond with a conversation of tell me I want to learn that it won't be as intense. It won't be as. Which it hasn't been because of what I was just saying. Because if you see me as not interested or even the opposite, possibly, or, like, not agreeing with you or whatever you were thinking, it was just my. I guess maybe a defense mechanism coming up of, like, why is she attacking me? What did I do? I'm not running the country. Like, what. Like, why is this being portrayed on me? And to step back and say, whoa, whoa, whoa. Maybe if I just hear what she has to say and we can have an actual, real discussion without the intensity of that, because I'm actually listening, that we can move forward with this and actually have real conversations, and that's what's happening. So I. Yeah, so that's. Yeah, that's.

[Danielle]

Yeah, listen, I'm so. Like, Even just today, and it's been, I guess, the past couple weeks, and look, even when I went to you the other day and was like, I need you to watch. I can't. You know, I came into the family room and I was like, I need you to watch this video. And I was like, you're like, oh, put it on your computer. Is like, no, I need you to watch it on the tv. It was of, you know, an Idaho of Teresa Bourbon pole. I think that's how you pronounce her last name and what happened to her. Right. And even still, like, you. You Gave. You were about to give me the computer back. Like halfway or I forget. Were you about to pause it or. It doesn't matter. Halfway through, you're sort of like, okay, I saw it and I was sort of like, no, no, like, like, keep, keep. Like you need to keep. I want you to watch the whole thing. I want you to watch how it progresses. I want you to see and sit through what she went through. And this is America. This isn't Handmaid's Tale. This isn't, you know, I mean, yes, it's Idaho, which, you know, is a pretty hard state right now for women in a lot of ways, but it's not stopping there, you know, and. And so I guess there's this visceral, like, I don't know what it takes for the person to understand that this isn't them, this is we. And as a woman especially, I don't know if men have this as women. And I feel it very much with, you know, my community on Instagram and how we support each other and how we, like, are really there for each other. And, you know, how they show up for me and I show up for them, like, this is a no. Like, you know, you've summoned all of us now. You know, this. And this is how it's been throughout history. This is why we can vote. This is why we, you know, were able to get our first jobs and get into schools. This is why we were able to get maternity leave and we're able to have our positions held for us to. We're back from maternity leave. This is why we're inching, inching towards equal pay. All of this stuff was because when it happened to one of us, the rest of us didn't just sit back, we showed up. And so there is no us and them. It's we. And, and, and I truly, truly feel that. And I think that's the way it has to be. And quite honestly, I think we're at a moment in time where, you know, I have been fighting for these causes for years. And, you know, I remember before I went to the Women's March in 2016, there was one thing you said to me which was, I'm a little nervous. I think it's going to be dangerous. Which I appreciated and I understood and I was bringing Mia, so you were probably extra nervous. But like, you know, my brother was there with my sister in law and, you know, I looked around and saw a lot of men there. And there was part of me that was like, I can't, you know, I really do wish that he would care this way. And I think there are a lot of women out there. And look, even if you're not going to go to protests and everything, even though I think that that's over, I think now it's got to start just for the sake of. It's dangerous for us, right, that he's the, he's going to turn the military on.

[Cameron]

All the things doing protest. You mean everything? Yeah.

[Danielle]

And we need you guys, you know, anyway, we need your voices and we need you to show us that it matters. But I do feel like, like, even just listening and, and, you know, again, like, you watched the video and even though you didn't watch the whole thing without me asking you to, like, I would have been scared even a few weeks ago or. I think you would, Your, your, your thing would have been like, well, she was kind of being a pain in the ass. Like, I don't, I, I, I think that there's been a shift, and it really makes me feel closer to you. It really makes me feel, you know, the things, like in the last few weeks, things that you didn't. You never asked me before or said to me before, like, like, are you okay? Without being like, hey, you okay? Like, you seem upset. Like, like you really meant it. Like, are you okay? You know, and like, you said to me, do you want to talk about it? You've never said that to me before. I want you to know that I'm here for all of this, to listen to all of this. You just said this to me today, 25 years, you've never said anything like that to me. And like, I, that it really is important. It really means a lot to me. And I don't think you're just saying it to say it. I see that you're sincere and, you know, and I think that, God, I would have done anything for that, you know, all this time, and it would have, it would have completely transformed our relationship.

[Cameron]

So I, I mature at 47. That's where we are now.

[Danielle]

Maturing.

[Cameron]

Maturing at 47. So, yeah, I don't know. Like, I, I don't even know how to explain or why or what. Like, I think I'm just in that mindset. We're at, we're at a very pivotal point in our lives right now, right? Like, we're making major changes to our lives, both for work, for what's going on with us politically or with our children or like, like, I feel like right now. And that's why I asked you that today. And that. That. That wasn't meant to be on this episode in any way.

[Danielle]

Oh, no, I know.

[Cameron]

Yeah. That. That I think we have the most on our minds right now probably more than we ever have, except for, you know, having children or, you know, getting married, you know, those kind of things. Right. But there's so many things, like starting new business ventures and in so many different ways. Right? Like with my business, with our business, with things you're doing, like with all the. All the things with the whole political environment, with, you know, with everything. There's just so much going on. And I. And there's been a little bit of a disconnect with us, right? Not. Not bad. Not negative. Just like, it hasn't been like a loving relationship. Like, Like a. Like, not, like, again, we haven't been mean to each other. I hear you distant, you know.

[Danielle]

You know, it was sort of like, at. For me right now, you know, not that my. My OCD is really bad or anything, because it's not. Except when I thought I was dying in the middle of the night the other night, and that. That was a little bit bad. I had five years to live. But. But, you know, so. Because I do spiral, but I think that's not. It's just normal right now to go down that path. But, you know, I think after 9 11, I remember we were so. We were just living together. We weren't. We weren't even engaged yet.

[Cameron]

Oh, no. We just moved in together.

[Danielle]

We just moved in together. And I remember feeling like I was. I mean, this is when my OCD was really, really bad. And, you know, obviously, like, 911 made it worse. And again, just like now I had. My sister was, you know, down in Wall street, and my brother was in Washington by the Capitol. And, you know, I have. I have so many personal ties to all of this. Right. And so it gives me also a whole other level of stuff. But I remember feeling like. I remember, like, you trying to, like, have sex with me. And I remember being like. And not. You weren't being me. You're very, very loving. When I remember being like, I just can't. I can't right now. Like, I can't do that. I'm. That I'm not right. And I don't feel like that right now, by the way. Yeah, I'm sure I've been noticing you haven't, like, made feels like you're not. You know what?

[Cameron]

Probably that's why in the beginning of this episode when you were like, you're softer. I'm like, Yeah, I know I'm softer because it's been a fucking like two weeks or whatever it's been.

[Danielle]

I know, I know. And well, also I haven't been able to like, muster up the energy. Like the other day I looked at my hair. I don't think I showered in five days. I know, I, I. And I don't, I mean, I don't shower every day usually, but this was really, really bad.

[Cameron]

Those pheromones were coming all the way across the house.

[Danielle]

Was it pheromones or was a bo. Because they're not the same. But I remember I was like, I can't even get myself to like, you know, like, thank goodness I work from home. Had I. Or maybe not. Maybe it would be better if I didn't, you know, that I had had.

[Cameron]

To get up, forced to shower and get up.

[Danielle]

Yeah. But I couldn't even muster up the energy. Like I was so, so defeated and everything. But no, I don't feel like that. But I'm just saying, like, it's that same type of like, holy, like the whole. People are losing their jobs left and right and their health care and, and they're scared and they're, you know, women are losing their rights everywhere and everything. And like, I'm gonna go have an orgasm. Like, you know, it's that sort of like, even though. Yes, it's a great way to, you know, but like, I don't know. I mean, it's easy right now. I mean, it's never been better for our fudgeing budget because I haven't spent shit and I don't know how long because I'm like, I can't go out and like, buy an outfit, which is, I'm not saying to other people, don't do that. Right. Like, we need joy, we need self care and all that stuff. My mind goes to a place of, I can't do this if, you know.

[Cameron]

Like, I know, but that's such a hard line.

[Danielle]

I agree. Agree. Because we agree.

[Cameron]

Even if everything was perfect, perfect in this country, even if we were all doing well and we would go out and let's say we went out and had a 500 dinner, you know, but there's people in Haiti that are starving and there's people who don't have clothes and there's people, like, there's always a situation of feeling bad about doing something good for yourself. You know what I mean? Like, it's a weird. Fine.

[Danielle]

I get what you're saying.

[Cameron]

So like, you have to be able to enjoy absolutely when you can.

[Danielle]

Sure. Not today, because it was the economic blackout, but otherwise. But otherwise, you know, I. Yes, I. And look, joy is resistance. Rest is resistance. All of that stuff is all resistance. And, you know, they say that authoritarian regimes cannot rise if people in communities are feeling joyful and, you know, and are laughing and having a good time. Like, that literally is one of the, you know, ways that you fight authoritarianism is not showing them you're scared and still showing up for joy. You just have to not be so fucking anxiety ridden. But. But I know. I. I agree. I think that. And like I said, I'm not at the point right now where, like, you know, I do feel like. Like, especially right now when I'm feeling like you've been so amazing and sensitive and everything, I'm feeling very much like, oh, my God, no. That I would 100% welcome it. Plus, it's like a great stress release. But I do think that there's this. We have to be patient with one another, you know, as partners. Like.

[Cameron]

Well, that's what I've been.

[Danielle]

Oh, I know.

[Cameron]

I know. That's what I've been understanding more. And look, maybe that doesn't come naturally to me and maybe it never has, but I guess with seeing you and wanting us to be at our best and with all the good things that we have happening.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Cameron]

I want to make sure.

[Danielle]

Right.

[Cameron]

That, you know, we're there for each other, for all of the. The hard stuff, the good stuff, all the stuff. You know what I mean? Like, we have so much going on. Like I said, I'm not gonna.

[Danielle]

I know. And we just took. Put our dog down, which I know you don't want to talk about. Yeah.

[Cameron]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

It was very hard.

[Cameron]

Oh, I was having. I. I've been. Okay. What was it a week ago now? Was it more.

[Danielle]

A little more than a week? Yeah.

[Cameron]

Yeah. And I've. I've been okay for the last, like, five days. And then all of a sudden today it was. It was. I was home. What.

[Danielle]

Maybe being home.

[Cameron]

Yeah. Because I was home today maybe. And I was, like, resting in our bed, doing work on my computer and laying in our bed, like. And he wasn't there to lay with me, like. Yeah. Yeah. Today was kind of a hard day for that.

[Danielle]

That's how I am every night right now. I mean, every night. You know, he was a pit bull mix. And they say, you know, the thing about one of the things pit bulls have obviously a very wrong. Incorrect in my mind's reputation if they're raised by the Right, People. Of course. But, you know, he would sleep under the bed, under the sheets, next to my legs for 10 years. I remember. And I never took it for granted. I used to always say I would pay money for this. Like, the way he used to snuggle up next to my legs. And I guess on top of everything else, you know, that's another thing that we forget is, like, I'm not sleeping well at night, and that really fucks me up, you know. And so on top of that, like, yeah, we put our dog down. And, you know, and I've put. We've put a lot of animals down and everything, right. We had the cats that were sick that we fostered and all that stuff. And, you know, and when I was growing up and, you know, and the one thing my mom said to me, and this is a super big tangent, but I actually think it's really worthwhile for anybody who has kids out there and who, you know, has had a rescue, who you've had to put down or, you know, for yourself. Even my mom, I remember because, you know, we always rescued animals when I was younger and my grandfather did, and, you know, just. We were a rescue family. And so I remember my mom saying when I was much younger and we had to put a cat down, she said, you know, it is so hard to do this, but at the same time, that's the only way that we make room for the next rescue. Who's gonna come and be lucky enough to live in our house when, you know, otherwise none of them get a chance. And I remember when she said that, like, being like, okay, yeah, that makes sense. And that stayed with me. And I said that to our boys. That night, Mia wasn't home. We hadn't told her yet. She was at college. And I said that to our boys. I know. That's another thing. Don't even.

[Cameron]

That's a tough conversation.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I know. That sucks. And I said that to them, and I could see the same kind of like, oh, yeah, that may not. Not to say that it there. It's not so terrible and sad and everything, but at least it gives it some, you know, some kind of a. Oh, yeah. And then, of course, Ian's like, are we getting a new dog? Like, no, not yet. We still have another dog and two cats. So chill.

[Cameron]

Well, no, look, I get it, because I didn't have dogs and cats growing up. You know, I had a parakeet and the thing died, and, you know, for, like, kill it for, like, 10 minutes. I was really sad.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Cameron]

And Then I went to play my Nintendo and all good, you know, life was good again.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Cameron]

So, yeah, I didn't deal with it until you and I got together and really, you know.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Cameron]

Had real pets.

[Danielle]

Right. Right. Yeah. And you. Look, it's always hard, but, you know, anyway, so on top of everything else, you know, everybody's dealing with these multi layered things, right? Life doesn't stop because you have a piece of. In the White House. You know, your. Your problems are still your problems. Right? You're. You know, and on top of that, how many people are worried now about losing their jobs and their health care, like, all the things. So, you know, it's. It really is. It's a multi layered thing. All right? So I wanted. I. One of the questions I asked you is. So right now, like you said, I mean, it's hard for me to gauge how much this stuff is really affecting you. You know, is it. Is it something that keeps you up at night like it does for me? I don't think so. You know, is it something like, this is for me, like a 24? And not only that, you know, people in my life who I know, who know that I'm so passionate about it are like, I need to talk about it, you know, And I'm sort of like, okay, yeah, I'm ready to go. Let's go. But you do have other stuff going on, right? You're. You again. We are. You're gonna start a new business in addition to this. And we have this, and we have all this. You know, we again, put Augie down, which you were a fucking mess. And so, like, what, as a guy, as you. Not to say all guys, but what do you need the most as far as, like, support goes? Like, what goes the longest way for you?

[Cameron]

Sure. Can I pee? And then I'll answer.

[Danielle]

Okay, thanks.

[Cameron]

So I think initially my expectations of support was probably a little too high, right? Like, when I get excited about something, when my ADHD kicks in, when I get intense about things similar to what I was saying about you, which is what made me realize I need to understand what you're saying and listen to you more. Because not just even six months ago, when you were saying, we had an argument and there were tears and a fighting conversation, and you were like, you need to light a fire under your ass and find something you're passionate about and all these things. And I did. And then you were like, you know what, you need to tone down a little bit after I did. Right. Because it was. I was all encompassing, all involved all, like, intense, all. You know, that how I get. So I was annoyed at first with your response, and I had to realize, like, wait a minute. When Danielle comes to me and speaks to me a certain way, when she's all in, all intense, all. I get frustrated. So I have to understand my approach to what I'm doing, that you would probably feel the same way. Which is what led me to, number one, say, okay, slow down. Listen to what Daniel has to say, and number two, slow down. Let me kind of balance what I'm doing with everything else in our lives. Right. So I think that balance has been really good for us recently because you're all in with support and involvement with what I'm doing because you're involved. Right. You're not just, like, you know, on the side clapping your hands, like, go, go.

[Danielle]

Oh, no, no.

[Cameron]

You're in.

[Danielle]

Excited. Yeah.

[Cameron]

No, you're not just excited. You're. You're helping. You're in. You're doing it. You're doing research. You're. You're going to be involved, which I'm so excited about. Right. And that's how I want to be for you, too. Right. Like, I. That. That. That was my change of what's happened in the last so many days or weeks or whatever. So. So I think to answer your question, I guess, is to be supportive and understand for our situation where I've gone too far, or I think you've gone too far and meet in the middle and be all involved in everything together and have the conversations about all at the same time. Right.

[Danielle]

Like enthusiasm.

[Cameron]

I mean, the enthusiasm has been, you know, for me, for what I'm doing, beyond more than I've ever been.

[Danielle]

Right, right. I'm saying, as a partner, you want enthusiasm. Like, that's a really good way to support.

[Cameron]

Well, yeah, but. But it's so hard to. To have a blanket statement about this. Because you're involved. You're not just there to support me. You're actually researching. You're actually helping. You're actually doing the things, not just on the sidelines clapping your hands. You know what I mean? So for. For me, for our situation, that's been what I've needed, what I've wanted.

[Danielle]

Oh, good.

[Cameron]

And. And you're doing the great things. You know, like, we sat down last night and you were sending me links and lists and all the things, and I'm like, this is what I need. This is what I'm looking for. This is, you know, you know exactly what I want. So.

[Danielle]

Yeah, baby.

[Cameron]

Yeah. Make sure you remember that? No, no. But I think we found the good balance and everything. And I think you've been 100 supportive in what I'm doing and I think I've tried to be 100 supportive for everything that you're involved in and, and the things we're doing together for the podcast and expanding this.

[Danielle]

And like very recently you've had a major shift.

[Cameron]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I think finding this new business venture has given me a new realization about balancing enthusiasm for everything. Right. Like I've taught myself and with your help, that I can't just be all in on this new thing. It has to be everything. And I. And there's enough to go around.

[Danielle]

Come on down to Boost Mobile and.

[Adam]

Turn your tax refund into six months of savings. Nope, all wrong. You're on the radio touting Boost Mobile's 5G network. You gotta use your radio voice like this. Come on down to Boost Mobile and get six months free when you buy. Six months on our best unlimited plans. Now you go.

[Danielle]

This is just how my voice sounds.

[Adam]

Just say it like you mean it.

[Danielle]

Okay. Plus enter to win up to $10,000.

[Cameron]

And double your tax refund.

[Adam]

Oh my.

[Danielle]

Requires upfront payments, taxes and fees. Extra terms and exclusions apply. Visit boostmobile.com for full on returns and sweeps details.

[Ethan]

Picture this. You're halfway through a DIY car fix. Tools scattered everywhere and boom. You realize you're missing a part. It's okay because you know, whatever it is, it's on ebay. They've got everything. Brakes, headlights, cold air intakes, whatever you need. And it's guaranteed to fit. Which means no more crossing your fingers and hoping you've ordered the right thing. Thing. All the parts you need at prices you'll love. Guaranteed to fit every time. EBay. Things people love.

[Danielle]

Can I add to that real fast? I also think that you taking this step and you know, I think it's a big. Not I want to maybe, I mean risk is part of it. But I think also just leap of faith and confidence in yourself that I think you're feeling more secure with yourself and what you are able to do. And so therefore because you are doing those things and I think before maybe you were feeling a little like lackluster about where you were in your career and what you were doing and stuff. And so it's really hard to be enthusiastic and excited and also supportive and empathetic and sympathetic to somebody when you're sort of feeling like, I don't want to say less than. But when you know that there's something out there that you could be doing, and you don't quite have the confidence to do it.

[Cameron]

Yeah, no, I was feeling comfortable in my situation, and not comfortable meaning satisfied.

[Danielle]

Complacent.

[Cameron]

Thank you. That's a good word. I was feeling complacent in what I.

[Danielle]

Was doing for a long time.

[Cameron]

For a long time. And I was like, okay, we're in the situation. We got to pay for our schools, and we have help, and that's okay. Like, and then finally, I was like, no, like, we got to find a way to do this on our own. Like, we need to find a way that I need to be more confident in myself, in you, in our family, like, all of us together. Like. And I think I found that, and it changed my whole perspective on my life and how I feel about myself and all of us together and what we could do together. So. Yeah. So absolutely.

[Danielle]

I. I agree.

[Cameron]

Did that answer your question?

[Danielle]

Yeah, as long as that's what you need. Listen, I feel a little bit still, like, I have said to you, look, I am right now, again, being home. I'm home all the time, right? Because, like, I work from home, and, you know, I'm just. I'm home all the time, and my parents live five minutes away, which is wonderful. And I'm so, so fucking blessed that they're still here and they're around or whatever. And, like, you know, I'm with the kids a lot, and, you know, we have the animals. And I've said to you, like, 16 times in the past few weeks, like, I really need to, like, go somewhere to, like, a cabin or something for a few days. And, like, I'd love to do it with you. You know, I'd love for the two of us to just go. I need to go somewhere where, like, it feels like all of this stuff.

[Cameron]

Doesn'T exist, which was that, like, I would love to do it with you, but if not, I'll go alone.

[Danielle]

Well, as I've. I've gotten very, very little response from you. I've sort of been like, oh, my God, I can do this by myself. What do I need him for? I could totally, like, drive to the Catskills or something and, you know, get a place by myself. That would be fucking heaven. But also, I wanted to do it with you, you know? And, like, I was giving all kinds of signals and, like. And, you know, all kinds of, like, just. I really, really feel like I need this right now. Like, really, really feel like it. And then you were gonna go to Vegas, you Wanted me to go to Vegas with you, and I was sort of like, is he not hearing me that. Like.

[Cameron]

Well, wait, that was a. That was for a trade show. It doesn't matter. No, no, I wasn't just going to Vegas.

[Danielle]

No, no, no. Right. You're going for business. But you were like, yeah, let's go. Let's go. And then I felt like you were a little bit disappointed that I was sort of like, I. I don't. I. I can't be. I need. I need no stimulation. You know what I mean? I need to go somewhere and not feel like I am in a pit of life. I want to feel a little bit like I want to. I want to escape.

[Cameron]

Is there WI fi there?

[Danielle]

Of course.

[Cameron]

Oh, so you're not escaping.

[Danielle]

I'm. I'm totally escaping.

[Cameron]

No, you're gonna be on your phone.

[Danielle]

Well, I'll be working. But that's.

[Cameron]

But that's really escape.

[Danielle]

Yes, it is.

[Cameron]

Yeah. Like, I'm picturing, like, in the woods.

[Danielle]

It is.

[Cameron]

Without WI fi.

[Danielle]

No, I can't. No one does that. Like, not even the Amish do that anymore. Even they have WI fi.

[Cameron]

No, they don't.

[Danielle]

Yes, they. Yes, they do.

[Cameron]

Do they really?

[Danielle]

Yes.

[Cameron]

I thought there's no technology that's part of the whole.

[Danielle]

No. No electronics, some of them. But I know the ones who live, but.

[Cameron]

So how could you feel that you would be disconnected from what's going on while being on Instagram or while being reading?

[Danielle]

Because Instagram is one level and facet of everything. Right. Then I have home, which I love. Our home. I love our family and everything, but it's a lot.

[Cameron]

So what's the difference about being there?

[Danielle]

And I want to bring our dog.

[Cameron]

Too, versus being here?

[Danielle]

Oh, my God.

[Cameron]

Tell me. Besides the fireplace, which you had me at fire.

[Danielle]

Yeah, we used to have a fireplace. We don't have it anymore. So I was like, there will be a fireplace there.

[Cameron]

You got me.

[Danielle]

What will be there? Okay, first of all, I won't have, like, the beckoning of our children being like, ma, I need underwear. I need this. I need that.

[Cameron]

Well, if you have WI fi, they will. They're gonna be texting you all day.

[Danielle]

No, they're not, because I'm gonna block them. Oh, I'm not playing around. And, you know, just the overwhelm of, like, being here and having to, you know, go and, like, I just want to be in a quiet place where there's nothing I can do to, like. It's not my place. I don't need to you know, I don't need to do anything. I. I'm going to tell people, like, yes, I'm. You know, maybe I'll text you back. Maybe I won't. I don't know. I already have people pissed at me because I haven't texted them in two weeks. And I'm like, do you fucking see what's happening in the world? Like, I can't, you know, so. But. But there's been part of me that's been like, I. I've said it so many times, like. And he hasn't said to me, like, no, go if you want to go.

[Cameron]

No, you can't go.

[Danielle]

Okay, but you haven't said to me, I see that you need that. Let's make it happen. And I'm not asking, Like, I'm not asking to fly anywhere, because first of all, who the fuck wants to fly anywhere right now? Although our child is flying next week. But also, I. I just. I don't know. I just want. I want. That's what. That's what I need right now. That's what I. And I know that to my core that I need that, you know, just to get away. And, like. And when I'm not on social media, I can, like, you know, look at a. Like, look outside at a different view, and I can be inside and relax in a way that I don't have to. Like, can't even go and clean the fucking kitty litter or. I don't know.

[Cameron]

I just can't picture it.

[Danielle]

I've done it where. When I've done it with friends, when I don't. Nobody cares.

[Cameron]

Like, I just can't picture you in a cabin with, like.

[Danielle]

So don't picture it. Be it. Be in the moment.

[Cameron]

That's why I asked about the WI Fi. Like, I'm trying to picture you. Like, I'm not saying.

[Danielle]

I'm not gonna be on my phone or anything. No.

[Cameron]

Like, I'm picturing.

[Danielle]

I'm not a sadist.

[Cameron]

I'm picturing Rocky 4. That's where I'm. Where I'm at when they go to Russia and.

[Danielle]

Oh, God, of all the places, and.

[Cameron]

They'Re in the cabin in the snow. There's nothing. Like, they're playing chess.

[Danielle]

No, I don't want any workout equipment. No, no, I want, like, a little tiny home with, you know, like, a cute little bed and, you know, a little step study area and a fireplace and, you know, maybe a hot tub outside, although not necessary, and some woods and some hiking trails to take Billy on. And I just Want to like be Snow White for a couple days and hide in my little nook of the world and not have to like. And I can like, watch social media as it like to my whatever degree I want to, but it's over there.

[Cameron]

I gotta see it.

[Danielle]

It's there.

[Cameron]

I gotta see it.

[Danielle]

Go ahead, Go ahead.

[Cameron]

All right, I'll prove you wrong.

[Danielle]

What do you think I'm say I want to leave.

[Cameron]

I'm gonna take you there and prove you wrong.

[Danielle]

What, you think I'm gonna want to go home?

[Cameron]

I think you're gonna want to be on.

[Danielle]

I said I'm gonna be on social media. Yeah, but I'll also. Maybe I'll. I'll. I'll send. Set a timer and I'll be on social media for a little while and then I set the. Like Mia does. Mia's so good at that at school. Holy. I don't know what, where she learned. Maybe it's cuz like she hates.

[Cameron]

She learned from you.

[Danielle]

I know. I learned from watching you. But she like sets. She has like an hour during the day of screen time that she allows herself for and like the alarm goes off or whatever, it turns off and she's done.

[Cameron]

Yeah, but she doesn't even use.

[Danielle]

No, she doesn't even use anything. I know. What the hell? How did we get such a responsible fucking job?

[Cameron]

Good for her.

[Danielle]

Good for her. All right, so. Oh, let me just read a few of these polls. Wait, pause it for a sec. So I already said I did a poll and I can't find it right now to pull it up. But I asked a bunch of where are you right now? How are you feeling? And again, this was like four or five days ago, so I should probably ask it again. But whatever the other options were, I do remember like 45% of people said I am all consumed right now. So I then asked, you know, do you want us to do a follow up episode from the election? Episodes that we did where we're now navigating currently what's happening in the country. Almost 80% said yes, 20% said no. Move on from that topic. And 5% said, I think my partner will want to listen to it, but maybe not me. So 80% is a big number.

[Cameron]

Like people are like some messages saying like, I didn't tune into marriage or martinis to hear about politics and oh my God.

[Danielle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to do like an episode where I just read all the book, all the horrible messages I get. It's like the anti Mr. Rogers neighborhood.

[Cameron]

Well, look, we don't do, we don't do political episodes. Right. But we talk about our, like, like, like this episode. Like, how we encourage each other and help each other in certain ways. Like how you're feeling about politics.

[Danielle]

No, and, and I'm sorry, but this is what I say also about, like, people right now who are, like, dancing away on their Instagram accounts. Fine, do it a little bit. But also acknowledge the state of the fucking world. Like, it's really hard, I think, to do anything right now and pretend that this doesn't exist. Unless you're living in a place where everybody voted for Trump and they're all happy, hunky dory.

[Cameron]

Or unless you have a Instagram account with 20 million followers and you dance and that's all you do, and you make a million dollars a month.

[Danielle]

I would know. I would be, I, I would be super angry. Well, I, I don't understand why people aren't calling it out, because I think that to do that, I'm sort of like, I don't know if I trust you anymore. Like, you're really. This is. Or I'm just gonna think you voted for Trump and therefore, I don't know if I want to, you know, like. But they're not getting called out. And look, I'm not trying to sabotage anybody or whatever. I'm more just like, it's weird to me that people can just kind of, you know, and I mean, I get it. I've lost 30,000 followers since, since, I don't know, before the election. But also, like, I can't, I couldn't. I couldn't show up every day and not acknowledge it. And it'll get to a point where I'm able to balance. But, like, we're so in the thick of it right now.

[Cameron]

All right, 100 days, right? And then everything will be okay.

[Danielle]

You keep telling yourself that.

[Cameron]

Is that what you said?

[Danielle]

You keep telling yourself that. I also said, if you have a long term partner, did you vote the same way in the election? 77% said yes. 20% said no. 3% said we don't talk about it. Like, they don't know what their partner voted.

[Cameron]

Interesting.

[Danielle]

If you said you voted differently, is this something that has been a strain on your relationship since the election? 27% said yes. 16% said it wasn't at first, but it's becoming. So I think as things progress, probably another 16% said, we don't talk about it, but I am secretly upset. And 40% said no, we respect you, each other's views. So and then I said, women, if you did vote the same way as your partner, do you feel like there's been a disconnect in how what is currently happening is affecting each of you? 50% said, no, we're pretty much aligned. 50% said, yes, it's affecting me a great deal more than it is them. So 50, 50. So we're either aligned. Yeah. And nobody said less than 1% said, yes, it's affecting them more so their male partner more than it is them. I said, if you said, it's affecting you more, has it caused tension or disconnect between the two of you? And I won't read them all. But 21% said, yes, we've had actual arguments about it. And 40% said, we're communicating about it and working on it. So those were, like, the two biggest. And then if you're currently single, would you, at this point date someone who had differing views about the state of the country? 81% at this point said, no way. I would never date somebody like that who had differing views. 16% said, it depends how much. And 2% said, absolutely, it wouldn't bother me at all. 2%, so. And then I said, if you're feeling overwhelmed right now, do you think that your partner is doing a good job of making you feel seen and understood? 13% said, no, they're more, like, annoyed. 30% said, I wish they would acknowledge it more. 40% said, yes, they're trying, but it's not enough. And 18% said, yes, they are so, so sensitive and supportive. That's it.

[Cameron]

Okay. Okay. That was a lot.

[Danielle]

I'm sorry.

[Cameron]

I'm trying to, like, take it all out.

[Danielle]

I'm sorry. Well, yeah, but people can get that part if they want. But I think it's interesting. I always think it's really interesting. And also, if you're not on Instagram, follow me on Instagram, because there's been a lot of great conversations, and I'm always updating. And also I have a free activist guide in our blog, marriagemartinis.com blog. If you go, you can download our free activist guide. And I'm constantly updating it. Pretty much every week I've been doing it. And it's. I think it's really great. A couple thousand. I think maybe more than 5,000 people, I think, so far, have downloaded it. And so, yeah, it's free. So go. Go get it and start saving the country. Okay, Avengers.

[Cameron]

All right. Thanks, guys.

[Danielle]

Thanks, guys. Have a good week.

[Cameron]

Yeah. Yeah. After that. Yeah, Have a good rest of your life. Appreciate it.

[Danielle]

Just stop that. All right. We'll be back next week, guys. Have a great week.

[Cameron]

We love it.

[Danielle]

Come on down to Boost Mobile and.

[Adam]

Turn your tax refund into six months of savings. Nope.

[Danielle]

All wrong.

[Adam]

You're on the radio touting Boost Mobile's 5G network. You gotta use your radio voice like this. Come on down to Boost Mobile and get six months free when you buy. Six months on our best unlimited plans. Now you go.

[Danielle]

This is just how my voice sounds.

[Adam]

Just say it like you mean it.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Cameron]

Plus, enter to win up to $10,000 and double your tax refund.

[Danielle]

Oh, my. Requires upfront payment, taxes and fees. Extra terms and exclusions apply. Visit boostmobile.com for pull number, terms and sweeps detail.