Podcast Summary: "Finance F*ckery" | Marriage and Martinis

Episode Information

• Title: Finance F*ckery
• Host/Authors: Danielle & Adam
• Release Date: October 21, 2024
• Description: In this episode, Danielle and Adam delve deep into the intricate dynamics of managing finances within a marriage. They candidly discuss their personal struggles, evolving communication strategies, and the broader societal pressures that influence financial decisions in relationships and parenting.

1. Opening Remarks and Setting the Tone

The episode begins with Danielle emphasizing the complexity and difficulty of having honest financial conversations within a marriage. She states:

“[00:39] B: I want people to understand how difficult a conversation and honest conversation this is to have. Right.”

Adam echoes this sentiment, highlighting that unlike other podcasts that might avoid tricky topics, they are committed to addressing the raw and unfiltered aspects of marital finances.

2. Revisiting Past Financial Episodes

Adam acknowledges their previous discussions on financial divides, blame, and mistakes, referencing an episode featuring the "How to Money" guys:

“[02:26] A: Yeah, look, in the past we've done episodes like you just said, about the divide, about blame, about, you know, faults, all those things. Then we did a episode with the how to Money guys a while back.”

Danielle adds that their perspectives have shifted over time, fostering more empathy and better communication:

“[02:48] B: Well, I was thinking about that because we have done episodes about finances before and obviously last week we did the mental load… And I think our perspectives have somehow shifted a little bit. I think we have more empathy for one another.”

3. Current Financial Struggles and Realizations

The couple discusses their present financial pinch, stemming from past mistakes and unexpected expenses. Adam humorously suggests they started "drug dealing" to cope:

“[09:03] A: Well, I think this is a good time for us to be doing an episode like this because speaking of ramifications, we're finally realizing the ramifications of our mistakes… We started drug dealing.”

Danielle counters with the reality of their situation, emphasizing their ongoing efforts to communicate and address financial issues:

“[09:32] B: Either way, we'll do anything, but, but depending on the offer, you know…”

4. Evolution of Their Financial Roles

Originally, Adam primarily handled finances, but over time, both partners have begun stepping up to meet each other's financial needs. Danielle mentions:

“[12:27] A: I agree. And for the first time, like you were saying about me stepping up for your needs, it's the same thing happening the other way around.”

Adam reflects on the transformation in his approach to spending and saving:

“[13:38] A: That's been a long time now. It's been since six years since we started this podcast. It's been a complete transformation on my end.”

5. Impact of Upbringings on Financial Behaviors

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around how their childhoods influenced their current financial habits. Danielle shares her upbringing under a frugal father who prioritized saving:

“[16:22] B: Correct me if I'm wrong. I know… You came from more of a savings, like watching the money kind of household.”

Adam contrasts this with Danielle's more spend-focused background:

“[16:43] B: Correct me if I'm wrong… You came from that. Right. So I came from more of the... making money and enjoying it and spending it and using it.”

Danielle delves deeper into her father's frugality and the lack of financial education she received:

“[20:01] B: Right. But that was my dad, and everybody knew it. If you say his name where we live, it's… He was the doctor you want to have… He had a lot of different things.”

6. Challenges in Parenting and Financial Responsibilities

The hosts discuss the financial pressures of raising children today compared to the past, highlighting skyrocketing costs for activities and education. Danielle points out:

“[26:50] B: And it's more than that. It's, you know, there's this whole movement right now with young kids… luxury makeup and they're buying luxury clothing… teaching your kid that, you know, you could be spending 400 a pop at Sephora?”

Adam emphasizes the struggle of balancing financial restraint with allowing their child, Ian, to participate in activities his peers are involved in:

“[30:39] A: Well, it's the same thing, like, with kids and phones, right? So many parents who say, I don't want my kids having phones… you've been through with Ian.”

Danielle shares their dilemma in affording extracurricular activities:

“[49:19] A: Yeah. But he's not going to the MLB. I love that he's doing it, but we pay for the school…”

7. Financial Literacy and Education

Acknowledging the lack of formal financial education, Danielle criticizes the minimal finance classes in schools:

“[26:02] A: Getting into high school, it was like there was a stock market class or a finance class, which for three days there was about how to invest in the stock market and play…”

She stresses the importance of comprehensive financial education for children to prepare them for real-world challenges:

“[26:50] B: We can't provide that stuff. You know, we can just tell them from experience… they need to learn.”

8. Budgeting Techniques and Financial Tools

The hosts attempt a light-hearted Q&A segment to engage listeners in financial literacy, introducing concepts like budgeting and Roth IRAs. Danielle explains:

“[66:57] B: I mean, needs is so relative… So, you know. Yes.”

Adam attempts to clarify:

“[68:22] A: But there are restrictions, right? There's. There's Income limits…”

They discuss the average financial statistics, highlighting alarming national data on savings and debt:

“[63:02] B: So hard. Yeah, that's so hard. I mean, there's such a spectrum.”

“[64:28] A: $1 in 1977, which is the year we were both born, is worth what today?… Because of what?”

9. Societal Pressures and the "Keeping Up with the Joneses" Mentality

Danielle and Adam critique the societal obsession with status symbols and lavish spending, questioning the sustainability and necessity of such behaviors:

“[75:22] A: Put into a good place and made money, and it just happened.”

“[75:23] B: Yeah. I don't know. No, no. People work hard and make money and they do good things with it. Listen, I…”

They express frustration over the disparity between income and expenditures, especially among the wealthiest segments of society.

10. Conclusion and Future Directions

As the episode wraps up, Danielle and Adam reflect on their journey of financial struggles and improvements over their 22-year marriage. They express optimism about their current balance and hint at future episodes addressing more financial topics:

“[53:15] B: Do think we're at the best point in our relationship we've ever been.”

“[77:20] B: I should, I should marry them. I still can.”

“[78:14] A: Too, so we'll split it up.”

They also promote their "date night" questions book, encouraging listeners to engage in meaningful financial and relational conversations.

Key Takeaways:

• Honest Communication: Danielle and Adam emphasize the importance of open and honest financial discussions within a marriage to prevent resentment and financial strain.

• Impact of Upbringing: Their contrasting financial upbringings significantly influence their current spending and saving habits, highlighting the need to understand and reconcile past influences.

• Parenting Pressures: Raising children in today's economic climate presents unique financial challenges, from extracurricular activities to education costs.

• Lack of Financial Education: They critique the inadequacy of financial education in schools, advocating for more comprehensive teaching to prepare younger generations.

• Societal Influences: The podcast critiques the societal pressure to "keep up with the Joneses," questioning the sustainability and necessity of maintaining expensive status symbols.

• Continuous Growth: After 22 years of marriage, Danielle and Adam acknowledge their financial struggles but also recognize their growth in communication and mutual support, setting the stage for future discussions.

Notable Quotes:

• “[00:39] B: I want people to understand how difficult a conversation and honest conversation this is to have. Right.”

• “[26:50] B: We can't provide that stuff. You know, we can just tell them from experience… they need to learn.”

• “[77:20] B: I should, I should marry them. I still can.”

For Listeners: If you resonate with Danielle and Adam's experiences or are navigating similar financial challenges in your marriage or family, this episode offers a raw and relatable exploration of the complexities involved. For more in-depth discussions and practical tools, consider tuning into their other episodes or exploring their recommended resources.