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- [00:00]
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- [00:34]
Adam
Possibly it is because I don't have guys to talk to when I want to hear, like, guys talking. You know what I mean? And I want those relationships again. Like, I need that for myself, and I think you need that for me.
- [00:46]
Daniel
Oh, yeah. I have allowed myself to sort of, like, linger in the negative for too long. I need to get myself out of it. I need to be able to a little bit compartmentalize and find the time and the space to, you know, to do that stuff.
- [01:06]
Adam
Hey, everybody. Welcome to Marriage of Martinis. I'm Adam. Here's Daniel.
- [01:09]
Daniel
Hello.
- [01:10]
Adam
So happy almost birthday. Thank you. You don't seem very excited at all.
- [01:16]
Daniel
I don't even know where I am right now.
- [01:18]
Adam
Well, I know. And, like, even just preparing for this episode, I was. I was just kind of like, I don't know. I can't think. I can't remember. I don't know. Like, you know, we're. We're talking about, like, reflecting on the last year and turning 40. I am 47. You are turning 47.
- [01:38]
Daniel
Yeah. What are we? We're four months apart.
- [01:42]
Adam
Whatever. Yeah.
- [01:43]
Daniel
So both 77. 1977. Both stayed back once in school.
- [01:50]
Adam
You had a preface. 77 with 1970. Like, because it could have been.
- [01:52]
Daniel
I said, we're both seven. No, like, we could be turning 77.
- [01:57]
Adam
Okay.
- [01:58]
Daniel
I told you, I don't know what's going on.
- [02:01]
Adam
I know, but. No, when I was, you know, prepping for this, and it's, you know, you're asking me questions to think about and, you know, think about the past year and reflect on so and so. And what was the. What made you think about? I. I don't know. I just can't even, like, put it all together. I can't. Look, you know, that's not. Because we're 47. I think some of it maybe, you know, when you start getting into your, you know, later 40s, you know, you know, our eyes start going, our mind starts going, things start to, you know. So I think that has a lot to do with it. Plus, you Know, just life and. And stuff, and, you know, like, just. We've both been in just a brain fog for a long time, so I was just, you know, I'm. I'll do my best here. That's what I'm trying to say to wrap it all up.
- [02:52]
Daniel
Yeah, we've had a lot of layers. First of all, next weekend is our youngest son's bar mitzvah. So, you know, I can't even really think about my birthday because I'm so. I mean, I don't have a party planner or anything. I'm.
- [03:06]
Adam
For your birthday.
- [03:08]
Daniel
For the bar mitzvah.
- [03:09]
Adam
Oh, okay.
- [03:10]
Daniel
So, I mean, every single detail is done by me. I mean, you've helped also.
- [03:16]
Adam
Thank you.
- [03:19]
Daniel
But, you know, I'm the one who's making sure that everything is done, so it's just been a lot, and I'm not good at this. I am not. I love. You know, I won't say I love celebrations anymore. I mean, I'm very much looking forward to this. I like being home now more, but I am very much looking forward to it. He's worked so hard, and, you know, and I know it's gonna be so, so nice. And we're keeping it really. So, you know, it's really just people we very much want there. And, you know, his friends will be there, and so. Yeah, so I'm, you know, I'm. I'm excited. But also, that has been just, like, one layer of things, you know, going on.
- [04:03]
Adam
Well, in reference to the bar mitzvah thing, too, you know, we talked about Ian's bar mitzvah, you know, after it had happened, which was this, you know, wedding event and amazing experience, and it's one of those things where it costs the fortune and. But you got. You don't. You just show up. You don't do anything.
- [04:19]
Daniel
Wow.
- [04:21]
Adam
Relative to what we're having to do for this.
- [04:23]
Daniel
Correct, correct.
- [04:25]
Adam
We, you know, I. We have to buy the alcohol. I have to bring the plates and the cups, and, you know, we have to bring up setup tables and think about how are we going to do the photo presentation. Like, all. Like, we. All the things you don't have to usually think about.
- [04:38]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [04:38]
Adam
Which, you know, I'm trying my best because I know where your shortcomings are with this kind of stuff, and I'm trying to be proactive. But you said it first. I'm just kind of agreeing.
- [04:48]
Daniel
Yeah. No, I'm terrible at this stuff.
- [04:49]
Adam
Yeah, you are. But you're amazing at the other stuff, which is what you've been doing, which is the research and the communication and get, you know, finding the right fit for what our needs are and all those kinds of things. Like, that's where you've. You know, you're shining. And I'm. I've been trying to pick up the, you know, the tail end of it with, you know, the physical things of getting things done, you know, getting the sweatshirts made and bringing home the things that we're going to need for it.
- [05:16]
Daniel
And I.
- [05:17]
Adam
Going for the liquor shopping and going. Going to have to. We have to get ice. Like, who. Who the. Like, you know, you go to a party, you know, your own party, you think you have to bring, you know.
- [05:25]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [05:26]
Adam
So those kinds of things. Anyway. Yeah, I'm ready.
- [05:28]
Daniel
But it's funny because also, I think people know me so well, you know, and there are certain things that, like. Like, you know, when I was at the. The place the other day at the venue, they're like, how many people are coming? I'm like, I don't know.
- [05:46]
Adam
Don't you have a list?
- [05:47]
Daniel
I have a. I don't know an exact number. And then there you people are texting me, like, what time's over? I'm like, I don't know. You know, yesterday morning, I literally. Our. Our friend had a bar mitzvah for her son yesterday. I literally texted her yesterday morning. I'm like, what time does it start? You know, like, people know who I am, and. And they're saying, so what's it gonna be like when we get there? I'm like, we're both gonna find out. I'm gonna find out. You're gonna find, like, I. You know, I. I guess usually you walk into a room and, like, someone has done all the decorations and everything, and, you know, everything's done. And you're surprised. This is more like a surprise of like, did I remember everything? Did I do everything?
- [06:30]
Adam
But when it comes down to it, it's like, we're gonna have a good time. If we forgot something. Yep, it's fine, you know, hopefully, you know, but, you know, for. I almost. I. I feel bad a little bit, you know, for Jonah, but I don't, because this wasn't supposed to happen anyway. You know, we. You know, we. You know, we talked about this two years ago. We were going to talk Jonah into a trip instead of a party. And, you know, and we did. And now we're doing both, you know, so we're trying to do it, you know, on the. The low end of it, but.
- [07:01]
Daniel
But he's Third kid too. I mean, you know, it's just. I feel like third kid is, you know, like.
- [07:06]
Adam
Yeah. But it's the opposite. Well, Mia had a trip, Ian had a party. Jonah has both.
- [07:10]
Daniel
Right. But I think our level of excitement about the planning aspect of it was different.
- [07:16]
Adam
Well, because this is way more involved and way more stressful.
- [07:21]
Daniel
I don't know. But he's worked so hard. He's. It's gonna be great.
- [07:24]
Adam
Yeah.
- [07:26]
Daniel
So anyway, so I wanted to do an episode. So. Yes. Tomorrow is my 47th birthday. You turned 47 July 31, while we were in Jamaica.
- [07:36]
Adam
I have that for this episode too, by the way. That was one of my answers.
- [07:39]
Daniel
And I just. Overall.
- [07:41]
Adam
Right. I forgot my birthday was there. Right. I was trying. I was trying. I'm thinking it's your birthday. Well, you know, how can we celebrate what. What can we do? And I was like, what the fuck did we do for my birthday? I can't remember. Right. We were in Jamaica.
- [07:56]
Daniel
We were in Jamaica. Yeah. I feel very much like this year has been very heavy. Okay. I don't know.
- [08:08]
Adam
That's a good word.
- [08:08]
Daniel
Yeah. I feel like it's been one of those years, which I'll get to in my answers, but one of those years where I don't know, I don't have like a. Look, we're so blessed. Thank goodness. Everybody is. You know, our kids are good and they're in great places and all this stuff. But, like, I don't have a lot of, like, big happy memories from this year. I have a lot of heavy heartedness about this year.
- [08:34]
Adam
Right.
- [08:35]
Daniel
So, yeah. So anyway, so I asked you what specific accomplishments you can look at back at and be proud.
- [08:42]
Adam
Well, I don't know if this counts because I don't. What. It's not within the. It's kind of within the last year, but it's the restarting of ourselves within a new area and coming, you know, moving after being where we were for so, you know, 25 years to pick ourselves up and kind of refresh, restart, find a new place. Well, it's not new for you. This is your kind of stomping ground when you were a kid. This is where you grew up. Ish. You know, locally. So, you know, I'm proud of the fact that we did that. It's hard, you know, it's hard for me, number one, because of my commute. And, you know, I was, you know, willing to. Or happy. Not willing. I was happy to do it. You know, it's fine. Um, but I'm just Proud of the fact that, you know, we kind of made this happen. You know, we did so many crazy, stupid moves within the same area over so many years that it was time for a change. It was time for a refresh. It was time to kind of, I guess, replace ourselves, you know, within where we knew we wanted to be, you know, relocate ourselves. Replace ourselves. Yeah. So, you know, I'm proud of us, you know, I am. And I'm proud of the kids for, you know, adapting. Thank you. For adapting to this new area and thriving and loving and, you know, all the things. And they're. I, you know, I. They think they're so blessed and they're so happy, and this. This was a change that we all needed, and we did it, and it's not an easy thing to do.
- [10:16]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [10:16]
Adam
You know.
- [10:17]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [10:18]
Adam
So. Yeah, that's. That's my. That's my main big thing that I'm kind of proud of us for over the last year.
- [10:26]
Daniel
Okay. Anything personal, just you that you're proud of?
- [10:30]
Adam
No, I don't think so.
- [10:31]
Daniel
Oh, okay. I more did it, like. I more meant, like, as a personal thing.
- [10:35]
Adam
Oh, I'm sorry. I did it as an us.
- [10:37]
Daniel
That's all right.
- [10:37]
Adam
As like a our family kind of thing. That's okay. But I was trying to think, too, again, you know, we were trying to do this as like, an easy topic, an easy conversation, so we didn't spend a lot of time. There's no research. There's no. And. And I spoke before about how just thinking about something like, this is very hard for me right now, so I can't. I couldn't think of, like, a personal accomplishment over the last year that came to me and, you know, that was able to.
- [11:06]
Daniel
Right.
- [11:06]
Adam
Yeah.
- [11:07]
Daniel
And, you know, and this was the one. This was the one for me that was really easy to answer, because I do think that that one of the reasons why this year was so heavy for me is because I really had a huge shift in my boundaries and. And, you know, and putting my foot down and, like, making sure that. Or trying to make sure at least that, you know, that I'm tightening everything. I'm tightening my. My inner circle. I'm, you know, tightening the. Like, what I allow as far as how people treat me, you know, what I allow as far as. As far as people being held accountable. Like, I feel like this year was a lot of not letting people off the hook for things, I think, myself included, because I do think that I was hard, you know, very hard on myself at times, but I think in some ways, that was a good thing. And I think that I. I really, for the first time, was very like, I'm not going to shrink myself to make anybody feel comfortable. And I'd done that for years. And the response to that, the backlash to that personally and professionally and, you know, in all the ways was really. Has been really, really hard. Really hard. And I think that's a lot of the reasons why I walked around so heavy a lot of the times was because I was making this huge kind of shift in how I was approaching the world. And that's uncomfortable for people and, you know, and especially, like, for people who are used to not having to really change and grow and evolve. And then you're sort of like, well, I am. And so I. I don't know how we connect anymore.
- [13:19]
Adam
So a little feedback on that for you. I don't. I don't think that's a thing that's happened this year. I think it's a thing that's kind of been solidified this year. You've been working towards that for a long time, kind of like following your beliefs and making sure, you know, you stick to who you are and not taking, like, all those things and like, maybe something, say, starting four years ago, it was this thing, and then the next year was this thing. You know, it built up to. I think this last year was where you were like, okay, I know who I am, and this is. This is how.
- [13:54]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [13:54]
Adam
Live my life, and this is it.
- [13:57]
Daniel
I think they're changes that I made this year, and I haven't really seen the reward for them yet. You know what I mean? Like, I'm still very much dealing with the. I guess the. How can you. You know, I. I guess I was dealing with the. Trying to let people see that this isn't something I'm gonna back down from.
- [14:21]
Adam
Right. So you have to deal with the backlash of that.
- [14:23]
Daniel
Yeah. On all kinds of levels.
- [14:25]
Adam
And that takes a long time. And until that's done, you know, I mean, is it ever done? But yeah.
- [14:31]
Daniel
Yeah. I mean, I think we went through that personally. You know, even. I think, as people can see on the last two episodes, you know, that there are certain. I'm going to. You know, there are certain things, whether people agreed with it or not. You know, I got. Obviously, look, I. People, women especially, were so grateful and so thankful for me doing those episodes, and I had so many amazing, you know, like, online conversations, people. And there were a lot of people who were pissed off. You know, I was emasculating, you I was all of these things.
- [15:01]
Adam
I saw them. It's like, Adam, run as fast as you can. Like, I saw those guys.
- [15:05]
Daniel
Yeah. And, you know, in my question, I mean, first of all, the whole emasculating thing to me is a very strange concept, like, why.
- [15:13]
Adam
You don't have to defend.
- [15:14]
Daniel
Yeah. But anyway, anyway, basically, you know, I. I think in the past, I probably would have been like, well, anyway, you know, you get my point, and I'm going to change the subject. And. And I won't do that now. And, you know, and even in conversations with people in my life just recently. But I think that what will happen is the people who, you know, do embrace this shift in me and maybe see it as inspiration to do it themselves. You know, it's hard to do, but yet I really feel good about it. And, you know, and I think that for the first time, I really have started living by the philosophy. You know, I've talked about it a lot, but, like, I will no longer put myself in situations where people make me feel like shit. And I think we spend too much damn time putting ourselves in situations where people make us feel like shit because, you know, we're people pleasers and it just keep the peace and everything like that. But, but, but, but yet I'm not doing it anymore.
- [16:27]
Adam
So I wanted to start this episode because that. You were talking about the last two episodes. Like, I wanted to say something like, you know, after, you know, my little stick, you know, to open the. To open the episode, like, yeah, we're still doing it. We're here. You know, we're back after, you know, after all the. That went on with the last couple episodes, we're still, like. I wanted to say something kind of like, whether you like it or not, we're here, we're back. You know, I don't know. I didn't. I didn't want to, like, stir the pot. I didn't know if you wanted to go there like I did, but I kind of wanted to do something like that, but. Doesn't matter.
- [17:01]
Daniel
Okay.
- [17:02]
Adam
All right, let's take a break and. Unless you had anything more on that.
- [17:05]
Daniel
Well, I just, you know, other ways I went out of my comfort zone, which I'll talk about more when we come back. But, you know, the boudoir shoot. Wait, what accomplishments?
- [17:15]
Adam
Oh, okay. I'm sorry.
- [17:16]
Daniel
I did the boudoir shoot, which was huge for me. I got a tattoo all on my own for the first time. Usually I go with you.
- [17:25]
Adam
Pissed me off, by the way. And I retaliated and went by myself and got.
- [17:30]
Daniel
You almost lost your arm. And then I. I also started making reels on Instagram and being on video more, which.
- [17:40]
Adam
Oh, right.
- [17:41]
Daniel
Was really a huge thing for me to overcome because I just. I've always hated video so much, but now I've, you know, I kind of like it now. So. Yeah. So there you go.
- [17:52]
Adam
Okay. All right. We'll be right back.
- [17:57]
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- [18:38]
Adam
So speaking of the bar misfit that we went to last night, which was a lot of fun and I had a great time. And I'll explain why, because you asked me if there's anything that I kind of regret over the last year or disappointed in myself for, and it's, you know, I've said this a thousand times, so sorry to bother if you've all heard it enough. You know, I have not reconnected with my friends that I had when we were living in our other area. And I was. I was so happy to see some of them last night and able to reconnect. And it was like I walked in and it was like nothing had changed. We were still like. Like great friends. We were still, like. I was apologizing up and down because, you know, they've reached out to me and I never reciprocated. I didn't. I never made the plans. They tried and I did, you know, and I gotta be better at that. Like, I really. Because it just proved to myself last night how much I enjoy being with them. That. And I need it, you know, I need to. I need to be with guys, and I'm not, you know, and so. So I got to be.
- [19:44]
Daniel
Especially now that you can't listen to Joe Rogan. Let's not get into that. I had to.
- [19:52]
Adam
No. I have a private Spotify account, so I can't track. What.
- [19:56]
Daniel
I'm not even funny.
- [20:00]
Adam
No. But, you know, I think. Look, I'm not getting into the whole Joe Rogan thing, you know, I told you, you know, I enjoy listening to it, whatever. But I possibly. It is because I Don't have guys to talk to. And I want to hear, like, guys talking. You know what I mean? And I want. I want that. Those relationships again. Like, I. I need that for myself, and I think you need that for me.
- [20:20]
Daniel
Oh, yeah.
- [20:21]
Adam
So I would love.
- [20:22]
Daniel
I mean. Yeah. I'm always asking you.
- [20:23]
Adam
I know. And. And I'm gonna. I'm doing it. I'm setting myself. I'm setting boundaries with myself. I'm making it happen. And, like, I think about it and it's like, I'm going out to, like, dinner or a house or whatever, like, just to hang out with some guy. Like, what's so hard about that? Like, why haven't I done it? You know what I mean?
- [20:42]
Daniel
I had that this week, too. I think we talk so much about, like, not just us. I hear it all over and I see it all over social media. And to a certain extent, it's true. Right. We're always talking about how much better it feels to be home. And especially when, like I said, things have felt really heavy recently. And, you know, I was obviously upset about all the election stuff and everything. And so, you know, you sort of, like, you sort of gravitate towards, you know, not having to go out and socialize, not having to.
- [21:13]
Adam
You get comfortable in a routine.
- [21:15]
Daniel
Yeah. And there was one day where I was literally in bed. It was like 4:00, and my friend texted me and she was like, hey, you need to come meet me for a drink. And I was like, oh, my God. The last, like, taking a shower right now. I mean, taking a shower always sounds terrible to me, but taking a shower right now, getting dressed, going out and showing up at a restaurant sounds awful to me. Like, I. And she was like, I'm not taking no for an answer. She's like, you're coming. So I got up, I got showered, I went out, and like, while I was out, I was definitely like, oh, yeah, this feels good, right? You know, this feels good. And also, I'm not thinking about all that other stuff as much. You know, I'm distracted. And, you know, not that I think we should distract ourselves all the time from thinking about, you know, the. This, the heavier stuff, but we gotta live.
- [22:07]
Adam
I know, I know. I think it's hard, too, just because of where we are now, you know, because I. I stress and I think about, oh, you know, if I go out there, like, I gotta drive home, and it's, you know, almost an hour away, and, you know, I gotta be like, I'll have, you know, do I have Two drinks and then, you know, stop, and we, you know, just hang out for an hour after, you know, like, that gets into my head, you know, like, it's. It's the stress of that, you know, it's not. It's not. Like, it's a little bit different than yours of, like, getting up and showering and, like, that's fine. Like, I can handle that stuff.
- [22:37]
Daniel
Yeah, we have to shift our mind frame.
- [22:38]
Adam
Yeah, it's, you know, it's the. You know, how do I plan out the night? What's my plan before I go?
- [22:46]
Daniel
Right.
- [22:47]
Adam
Because I got to drive home and it's an hour away and it's, you know, those things.
- [22:50]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [22:51]
Adam
So that's what gets into my head.
- [22:52]
Daniel
Right. Yeah. So that was yours? Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, I think mine is a little bit similar in the fact that, like, I think I do allow the negative to control me. A lot of times. I do. I get really, really burdened by and feel like I'm drowning all the time in all the different layers of, you know, the responsibilities and the to do list. And, you know, when we have hard stuff going on, you know, when the election is going on, like, all of those things, I really do allow myself to succumb to the negativity of it all. And I. Yeah, I know you're nodding your head. I do. And there's some times where I think it is so heavy, and I really can't help it. And I think that, you know, something's gotta give sometimes. But I also feel like I have allowed myself to sort of, like, really, really linger in the negative for too long. I need to get myself out of it. I need to be able to a little bit compartmentalize and find the time and the space to, you know, to do that stuff. And, you know, when I said to you yesterday, there is a certain topic that, you know, like, there are a lot of certain. There's a lot of topics that I think our communication is obviously very different. And, you know, and there's a topic that comes up and I get worried. It's not the election, it's something else worried about, talking to you about. And I really, really need to talk about it. And I feel like I can never bring it up. And I feel like, you know, if I do, I get looks from you. You're upset, you're annoyed, you're angry. And I did. I said to you yesterday, I need to have a time and a space to talk about it with you. You know, and I think that maybe if I can release some of that and aren't and I'm not walking around with it all the time. And I feel more understood and I feel more like I've been able to release it. I think those types of things, I will be able to feel a little lighter. I think I'm holding on to so much because, you know, for instance, when the, you know, with that, with that particular topic, it's a family issue and you know, with that I do feel very alone in it and I feel like I carry a whole burden that you don't understand. And I also think that with stuff like the election, you know, it is a very hard thing to be open about and obviously, you know, you're going to get pounded if you talk about it, but, you know, and then once you do talk about it, it's also heavy, but you also get support. And so like, I think that what I start to start to do is really use the idea of like time and space more like create time and spaces and be like, okay, you and I are going to talk about this for a little bit and then I won't bring it up all the time. You know what I mean? You're going to. Like, like yesterday when we spoke about it, I really felt like you were seeing me and you were listening and you were understanding.
- [26:17]
Adam
Well, I've, I've been doing a lot of thinking about all of that kind of stuff and like, how should I be proactive in. I, I was thinking kind of exactly what you were just saying where, like if, if I'm more present when it's necessary, then it won't be necessary so often. So, you know, I've been doing a lot of kind of soul searching with this kind of conversation and communication and trying to understand better where you're coming from with it and when it's necessary. And maybe I've, you know, I've been so, I get so frustrated. It's because it's a constant. It's. It, it's over and over and it's a constant thing because it's not being handled properly when it needs to be handled properly.
- [26:57]
Daniel
Yeah, that's for. Damn right.
- [26:59]
Adam
So, you know, I, I'm on, I'm on your page here with understanding of, of that. Yeah.
- [27:05]
Daniel
And again, when, when, you know, when Zach was on talking about, you know, the mental load and everything and he was talking about having a meeting every week where you can talk about all this stuff and you know, and again, it's like we've tried so many times and, you know, it doesn't happen when we're so busy and everything. But I do feel like those using the time and space and making it a priority and you know, not just for something like that. I'm thinking about that for everything right now. Like, I am the type of person who I need to. I need to allot my time and account for my time. Right. I need to say to myself, you know, moving forward and this is one of the things I want to do in this upcoming year. Okay, I am sitting down and I am going to, from, you know, 11:00am to 1:00pm Work on this. And then, you know, I am going to, you know, from four to five, I am going to do that. Like, I think that I look at it all, like the world feels like it's spinning like a tornado around me and I need to take control of that a little bit more. And my mind doesn't work like that. And so I'm gonna have to force myself to more. But I think that, you know, one big help is, would be if, you know, we created these times and spaces and said, sure, you can say whatever you want. We can talk about whatever you want, you know, in that time and space and hopefully you'll feel a little bit lighter and you won't feel like you're walking around with the weight of the world on you.
- [28:38]
Adam
Well, if you ever need help understanding where you're focusing your negativity, I'm happy to help you. Honestly, I'm saying that seriously. I'm saying it jokingly and seriously.
- [28:49]
Daniel
I don't know what that means though.
- [28:50]
Adam
No, just like there are certain things where sometimes you'll focus on that. Not even just about me, just about whether it's the kids or a situation or whatever. Light things that maybe I, you know, you're, you're focusing too harshly on the negativity of it or maybe it didn't even exist or because of your mind space. Yeah, you, you know, you know, we don't have to get into like it happened, you know, there's so much going on. There's so much. It just happened the other day and it was a small, tiny little thing. I was like, I don't know how to handle this. I'm staying out of it.
- [29:20]
Daniel
Yeah, I think that is true. I think that I am.
- [29:24]
Adam
Do you want like the small example?
- [29:27]
Daniel
Well, wait, I was just gonna say I think that one of the things is that, look, I am a very overly reactive person. Right? I, you know, all my emotions are big emotions. You know what I mean? Everything, you know, I don't do small, right? I always say I don't do small talk. I don't, you know, I don't do small. And. And, you know, and so when, you know, my humor is, you know, like, not just inappropriate, it's ridiculously inappropriate, which, you know, is fine. And, you know, I don't just curse. I curse constantly. And you know, and when I get emotional, it is overwhelming. And I think the problem is, is that I am. I'm walking around at an 8 all the time, right? As far as, like, frequency goes, right? If the volume goes up to 10, I'm walking around at an 8 all the time. I'm always so hyper emotional and so hyper activated by so much that's going on that I think has been unsolved. And so that's always lingering in my mind that when the littlest thing happens, it pushes me to a 10, you know what I mean? And I need to create a life and a world where I walk around at a four to a five or a four to a six. And I'm responsible for that, which is one of the things I'm saying about boundaries and everything, right? About if I'm really going to create that life where I walk around from a four to a six, I need to know what's keeping me reactive all the time, you know, and so I'm hoping that I. Setting these boundaries will be the big payoff and that I will be able to sort of cut out some of that, you know?
- [31:11]
Adam
Yeah, no, I agree with you. And back to what I was saying before, I've been trying to think, how can I be helpful to you so that you're not at an eight all the time? Because it's so frustrating for all of us when you jump from an 8 to a 10 over the smallest, stupidest, littlest thing. So that's what I've been kind of reflecting on over the last few days, of where how can I be, you know, how can I participate? How can I be helpful? How can I be, you know, there to keep you level? So every little tiny thing is not an explosion, which happens quite often.
- [31:50]
Daniel
Yeah, no, I don't want to be that person who explodes all the time. I. I also want to be a person who. I think people carry a little of the load for me, you know, that. That I'm not always like you're saying, you know, you want to step up more and figure out, you know what I mean? Like, I think sometimes when I'm. I'm looking at what's going on with the kids and you're sitting there not getting upset at all, and you're so calm about it and everything. And I'm sort of like, you know, well, that's not helpful.
- [32:23]
Adam
Right, but that's, that's a perfect example of so many times where I'm sitting there kind of like, I don't know what the to do. I don't know what to do. They didn't really do anything that bad. And she's freaking out. Am I supposed to?
- [32:33]
Daniel
Well, because you weren't here for four hours before that.
- [32:36]
Adam
No, no, I understand. But you know, if I, I'm kind of sitting there like, I, I, I don't know what to do. I, I want to support you. I don't want to yell at the kids for something I don't think that they really did that was so bad. Like, I don't know, like it's a weird situation. Like, we need to be at a place where, What I was just saying, where those little things don't freak you out. And then, like, I have to think to myself, do I think structured?
- [33:05]
Daniel
We need to be more structured. Right? Like, it needs to not get it to a place like that. Because when you're not home and I'm saying to them over and over again, I need you to do this, I need you to do this. You know, Ian is responsible for his own laundry and he gets up in the morning and he's, where's my this, where's my that? And where's my, you know.
- [33:23]
Adam
Yeah, I know. I'm there for that stuff.
- [33:25]
Daniel
Okay, well, you're there for that part. But I'm the one who's constantly saying to him, you know, but that's where we need to be more, you know, we need to be more structured. But trust me, on the front end, we're playing too much damn offense or defense.
- [33:40]
Adam
I understand. I get it. Because when I'm here and seeing it happening, I see the frustrations. I know. I, I don't know if I could be a stay at home dad because I couldn't handle the frustrations, you know, of kids all day.
- [33:55]
Daniel
And I'm not a stay at home. That was another thing. I know, but that's not what I.
- [34:00]
Adam
Was trying to say. But a work from home dad, let's call it that.
- [34:03]
Daniel
Not that there's anything wrong with it, but.
- [34:05]
Adam
No, of course. But a parent who stays home is what I was trying to say. Like, it's, it's, I can't handle, it's too much for me. Yeah. All right. What's next.
- [34:15]
Daniel
I asked you for like a product show podcast artist, public figure you discovered this past year. That was a great find and what made it so great?
- [34:25]
Adam
Life changing products that I found this year.
- [34:28]
Daniel
Wait, can I change? Wait, life changing products?
- [34:31]
Adam
Life changing products just for me.
- [34:33]
Daniel
Is it body products? Is it what kind of product? Like what is it? What is it? Is it technology?
- [34:38]
Adam
No, clothing.
- [34:39]
Daniel
Clothing. Clothing, yeah. You found it.
- [34:44]
Adam
Yeah. Oh, Life changing for me this year. My, my, my tanks, my tank tops and my new socks that I'm getting on Amazon.
- [34:55]
Daniel
We'll link to them. What are they?
- [34:57]
Adam
I'll. I'll throw the link up. It's fine. But, but I always wear two shirts. I've always done that. Even in the summer. I'll wear like a T shirt under my polo shirt. The difference the tank makes versus a T shirt is life changing.
- [35:12]
Daniel
Okay?
- [35:13]
Adam
So if anybody needs life changing products for themselves, I recommend these tanks and these socks.
- [35:18]
Daniel
Okay.
- [35:19]
Adam
They're unbelievable.
- [35:21]
Daniel
Okay.
- [35:22]
Adam
No, no. But another one is, and I'm hesitant to talk about this because I don't know enough about it yet. It's so new to me. Something that I've been watching on YouTube and I haven't done the research or anything like that, so I don't want to promote this guy until I know enough. But so far from what I've like, I don't know if there's been any backlash against him or, or, or what's it called, any controversy or anything like that. It's just from the videos that I've seen so far, I'm kind of really enjoying what I've been seeing. It's this, this professor at Penn State and I've been watching a lot of his videos and I haven't seen anything that's been, you know, controversial as far as things that he has said. So he, he's this professor at Penn State and he teaches sociology at Penn State and he's, he just teaches critical thinking to kids and very complex and controversial topics that he doesn't say. Things that are controversial that I've seen so far. I'm putting that out totally unbiased, just teaching kids how to think for themselves without the influence of what they're hearing out there. Right. So he'll take groups of people. It's all about either. It could be politics, it could be race, it could be social, economic issues, it could. Anything that's just kind of heavy, debatable things that people are being influenced by every day, just from podcasts or the news or talking to people or Getting bad information or what they think is good information. And then he, he lets that the kids debate and he's there as like kind of the middleman, kind of like, well, what you just said maybe doesn't make sense to them because of this and vice versa. And he's just teaching these kids how to really do critical thinking. And I, I, I'm, I, I didn't go to college. I don't know anything about professors. I don't know what's going on, what's being taught at schools. But seeing someone like this, teaching kids the, these kinds of things.
- [37:27]
Daniel
You're talking about college students.
- [37:28]
Adam
These are college students.
- [37:29]
Daniel
Okay.
- [37:30]
Adam
Yeah.
- [37:30]
Daniel
You keep saying kids to me.
- [37:32]
Adam
They're kids.
- [37:33]
Daniel
Yeah, but I, I'm picturing like elementary school kids.
- [37:35]
Adam
Yeah. You know, but it's so important because you see the craziness of some of the college kids, of what they're doing and what they're saying and what not knowing what they're talking about and going out there and.
- [37:46]
Daniel
Well, again, he's holding them accountable for what they're saying.
- [37:50]
Adam
Yes.
- [37:50]
Daniel
Yeah. And that is, I think, the whole thing that we, you know, that we're not doing enough of on every level in our lives, you know.
- [37:57]
Adam
Yeah. If you want to look him up, his name is Dr. Sam Richards. I don't know if there's anything controversial.
- [38:02]
Daniel
Maybe I shouldn't look him up.
- [38:04]
Adam
No, but, but after, especially after doing our podcast last week, I'm ready to like kind of dive in and do the research before I get into and love this guy, to see what else is there that I don't know about that I haven't seen.
- [38:16]
Daniel
That makes me really happy. That's really good.
- [38:18]
Adam
So I've learned.
- [38:19]
Daniel
And look at all that personal growth.
- [38:21]
Adam
See, I'm growing, bitch. I didn't mean you.
- [38:24]
Daniel
No, that's okay.
- [38:25]
Adam
I meant you call me a bitch.
- [38:26]
Daniel
I'm okay. You wouldn't be the first this week or today. It's been rough out there, man.
- [38:35]
Adam
But check him out. I'd love to hear, I'd love to hear your point of view.
- [38:39]
Daniel
It's YouTube, you said, or tick tock.
- [38:41]
Adam
No, it's on YouTube. He's got like a.
- [38:44]
Daniel
Can you put the, can you put the link to that in your show notes too?
- [38:47]
Adam
It's literally video that he does in his classroom. So you're seeing in action his, you know, teachings.
- [38:55]
Daniel
I know that there are certain countries, I want to say the Scandinavian countries, just because they're always the ones who are ahead, but I think they incorporated into their curriculum in elementary and middle schools and high school, you know, critical thinking so that people, you know, there's so much out there now, just everywhere, just propaganda.
- [39:13]
Adam
I would be so skeptical without, like, that sounds great. Without seeing or hearing the teacher. It's, you know, it kind of scares me a little bit because I don't know, you see what they're, what's going on.
- [39:25]
Daniel
They're teaching critical thinking. That's, that's the curriculum is critical thinking. They're not teaching them. This is the right news. This is the wrong news. They're teaching them. Here is how you decipher. Here are the things you look for, you know, here's how you, you know, how you can kind of sift through the, the lies and the, and, and figure out for yourself what. Wait a minute, what about this doesn't make sense? What about this doesn't line up, you know, and, and that's what the curriculum is, which makes so much fucking sense just in life, right? So that, you know, we're always talking about gaslighting and everything. I'm sure it's a great skill to learn in life of is somebody bullshitting you. And you know, it's scary. Everything that's out there all over the world, that's.
- [40:16]
Adam
I think it could be the most important thing that kids need to be learning.
- [40:19]
Daniel
And we don't really. I mean, look, I, I think that we, we look at like, like word problems and are like, okay, that's critical thinking. They can solve a word problem. But there's not a lot of just critical thinking taught in school.
- [40:31]
Adam
No, I mean, stuff like that is so like. But you know, when kids say, and you know, we used to say as students, you know, what am I ever going to use algebra in life? When am I ever going to use. You know, you're learning ways of problem solving that you're going to use in other areas that are important. That's why those things. No, I agree, I agree with that.
- [40:50]
Daniel
But, but haven't used algebra and I can't tell you how long.
- [40:54]
Adam
Right, but you've not you. But people, other people have used their problem solving logics that they've used in algebra in other areas of their lives, like to figure out how do I get from A to B to C to D, whatever. But I just think now with what's available now that wasn't when we were in school, like social media, like all the misinformation, disinformation. Like you have to learn how to think for yourself and take all of what you're hearing and find out why is that probably not true? Or why is that true or why. Why am I being affected by what I'm hearing? I need to learn how to think for this myself and not just absorb what I'm hearing.
- [41:36]
Daniel
It would solve a lot of issues and it'll never happen in America. But, but, but listen, that curriculum will never happen in maybe private schools, right?
- [41:44]
Adam
But they're still going to be. That's not going to solve all the problems. It still going to be. Well, I still believe this, and this is why I'm critically, You know, it's not. It's not going to solve everything, but at least it could teach people, even if they're on the side that you don't agree with, they need to understand why what they're thinking is either true or not. You know what I mean? All right, it's enough of that. We don't have to get into all that. I don't know. I'm not. Well, I don't know. I'm. I'm not an expert in this, so how can I be, you know, like, get into all the details?
- [42:17]
Daniel
No, no, I think it's interesting. I really do. And I think it's an important topic for sure. So.
- [42:23]
Adam
Yeah, that was my product show thing. What'd you have?
- [42:27]
Daniel
Yeah, I had. You know, I have not been able to, like, really get into shows very much. You know, I feel like I can no longer watch sitcoms. I want to watch Shrinking. Season two came out. I want to watch that for sure. And Bad Sisters, season two came out. And, you know, I've been having trouble, like, I guess disassociating from everything else and immersing myself in anything light. But I did find, you know, there is this show on HBO called My Brilliant Friend, and it's an Italian show. You know, you either have to do subtitles or the dub dubbing, the English dubbing. I. I do the subtitles. It's just a beautiful show. It takes place in, you know, Naples, Italy. It starts out, I think it's the forties. Maybe. I might be getting this wrong, but, you know, each season, these two friends going through, you know, just the process of growing up. And it's a lot about how their childhood impacts everything that happens after that. And I just. I really, really have enjoyed it. Sort of has been the only thing that I watched. And unfortunately it's only four seasons and I'm almost done with the fourth season, but it's really been able to, like, hold my attention and I Guess maybe it has something also to do with the subtitles that, like, I can't be on my phone and everything when I watch it. You know what I mean? I can't, like, you know, I have to, like, pause it if I'm gonna go on my phone and do something.
- [43:56]
Adam
Oh, man, how do I. I can't.
- [43:58]
Daniel
Even fold laundry and watch when I speak to you.
- [44:00]
Adam
Is that possible?
- [44:02]
Daniel
I don't know, but I think that might be part of it, you know, that I'm not able to. You know, usually when I watch a show, I'm, you know, I'm doing four things at once, you know, and I'm scrolling and emailing and I can't do that with this.
- [44:16]
Adam
I don't know how you do that, by the way. That's not something I can do.
- [44:19]
Daniel
Well, I don't. Because I don't. Because I'm, you know, I. I guess I don't. I don't fully immerse myself in anything, which is not good.
- [44:27]
Adam
Yeah, but it's not even that. Like, you know, if I'm working on my computer and have the TV on, it can't be something that I want to watch. I can't do both at the same time. Like, I can't be working on the computer and know what's going on in the tv. That's why, like, I'll put the news on just so I need something on, but it can't be something that I'm watching or paying attention.
- [44:47]
Daniel
I know. I hate that. I hate. I hate. I. I have such a. Again, I think it maybe is because my mom always had the TV on when I was growing up. She. I mean, she still continues to this day. She has the news on 24 7. It drives me nuts. But I. Yeah. You're the type of person who. You get up. The second you get up in the morning, you have the TV on.
- [45:05]
Adam
Well, that's why I re. Watch movies so often, because I'm doing something while they're on.
- [45:11]
Daniel
All right. I mean, there's not a scene in Rocky that you can possibly say every time I watch. You don't know.
- [45:17]
Adam
Another little thing.
- [45:18]
Daniel
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
- [45:20]
Adam
No, but what's. I. I just. I can't remember the name of the show that you. I think you will love.
- [45:26]
Daniel
Oh, dis. Dis. Something.
- [45:28]
Adam
Yes. With Cate Blanchett and Kevin Klein.
- [45:31]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [45:31]
Adam
Yeah. Discipline.
- [45:33]
Daniel
Oh, discipline.
- [45:34]
Adam
Apple tv.
- [45:35]
Daniel
I don't think it's called discipline, but it doesn't matter.
- [45:37]
Adam
Whatever. It's. But it's so heavy. So heavy.
- [45:41]
Daniel
Okay. So maybe that's what I need right now.
- [45:44]
Adam
Will love it.
- [45:45]
Daniel
Okay, I'm gonna watch.
- [45:46]
Adam
You gotta watch it.
- [45:47]
Daniel
I will, Yeah, I will. But, yeah, I think that, you know, maybe I need more things that I. I don't know. I. I need more things that. That fully. I can fully immerse myself. And I guess that part of it is that I feel guilt if I'm just doing one thing, you know, if I'm, like, removing myself from anything else, and I'm not, you know, doing work or I'm not, you know, solving some issue in our family or something, and I need to let myself. Maybe if I gave myself more, again, time and space to do that stuff, that might be part of it. I'm not. I think I'm not allowing myself to find enjoyment in things maybe a little bit, because it feels like I'm trying to fool myself. You know, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm trying to. And then, like, it's almost like waking up from a dream and then you get back to it and you're like, oh, shit. No, this is, you know, reality. That's not reality.
- [46:50]
Adam
Yeah, I. But we have to, because I felt that way today. You know, we got home after midnight, around midnight last night, you know, which.
- [46:58]
Daniel
For us might as well be four in the morning.
- [46:59]
Adam
Exactly. So we were just exhausted today. And, you know, I laid in bed for half the day, you know, with my computer, but, you know, watching TV or, you know, whatever, like. And there's the guilt involved. It's like I. I had my computer open. I was so tired, I couldn't even really focus on doing the work, but I was doing it because I felt the guilt of just laying there watching tv, you know, but we got to get over that, you know, if I did it every day, of course you can't do that. But, you know, once in a while, if you have a late night or whatever, you know, it's. It's okay. We have to tell ourselves it's okay to have half a day or a day to, like, accomplish nothing.
- [47:41]
Daniel
Right. Right. It's like we're doing it and we're feeling guilt at the same time. What's the point, you know?
- [47:46]
Adam
We need to just fucking unwind a little bit, you know, and not try to stress over being productive every single second of every day.
- [47:54]
Daniel
Yeah, I think maybe that's one of the things that I'm just realizing during this right now is I think we need more intentional enjoyment, you and I. Like, we need to be doing more Intentionally enjoyable things, you know, like we went ax throwing last week.
- [48:11]
Adam
Right.
- [48:11]
Daniel
And look, I'm not gonna tell you I love ax throwing. I could, you know, first of all, I sucked at it. But, you know, and I, I'm not like I need to go back and go ax drawing. But like, I don't know, we did something different. We went out, you know, we talked to people.
- [48:26]
Adam
I was a huge feeling of accomplishment that night.
- [48:29]
Daniel
I really did because we went out.
- [48:31]
Adam
And like talked about and it was with people, a lot of people that I don't know. And, but I, you know, I'd realize how important it was to be part of this community and do those things. But, but, but again, it was doing something fun. We weren't going to a meeting.
- [48:46]
Daniel
Yeah, you know, Yeah, I think, I think that's part of it. I think I've allowed myself to sort of drown in the sorrow of things. Right. Like, and everything did feel so heavy and hopeless. And I'm not just talking about, you know, my feelings about the election and everything. I'm talking about, you know, a lot of things that were just seeming kind of hopeless and terrible. And so I do think that hope, well, hopefully we're gonna get past some of that other heavier stuff and you know, that'll be number one. But, but also just, I, you know, I think that we don't do enough enjoyable, you know.
- [49:24]
Adam
Yeah, I, I, I, I think we have that feeling of there's just always too much going on. Always something, always. But then I think to myself, like, but isn't that like, we're not special, Everybody's got always something going on or something or whatever. Or, but that's why like Facebook or Instagram is so bad. Because you see, like people post, they're out, they're having a party, they're going out to dinner, they're like, and you think to yourself, like, we don't do shit and they do everything. But, you know, but yeah, but then it's probably like, no, they don't. They went out once and they posted the picture of it. But you see, they posted that. Somebody else posted that. Somebody, you know, so you get that feeling of we don't do nothing and everybody does everything.
- [50:08]
Daniel
Yeah, I want to get back to a place where I can actually enjoy that stuff, you know, where I am enjoying life, I think. And look, I don't want to make, obviously, you know, we're not in any life threatening situations, thank God. But I do think that I have been in like a low grade depression for a while and I think that I walk around sort of like you have walking pneumonia. I think of, like, walking depression. Like, you know, I'm sort of in this haze of gloominess, you know, and. And I think that I can. I usually, in the past have been able to separate things, and this year just felt too heavy to me.
- [50:51]
Adam
I agree with you. Yeah. I feel like I felt like the same way. And by the way, I thought this was going to be a shorter episode, and it's not.
- [50:58]
Daniel
Well, we're almost done.
- [50:59]
Adam
We're really not. And this might end up being one of our longer ones, so let's take another break now.
- [51:04]
Daniel
Okay.
- [51:04]
Adam
And, I mean, we took it.
- [51:06]
Daniel
I think we're almost done.
- [51:07]
Adam
Are we? All right, let's take a break anyway.
- [51:09]
Daniel
Okay, we're back.
- [51:38]
Adam
The Apple, Samsung or Google and Qual Care Condition Solo and Verizon. Yeah. So what you just said kind of led into the next question, which I'm going to kind of mesh the two. But you asked me about a lesson that I learned that I want to change moving forward. Something like that. Right?
- [51:58]
Daniel
Yes.
- [51:59]
Adam
All right. So it was. It was about our Jamaica trip, and we hadn't taken a just the two of us vacation in so many years. Five, six, seven, eight years. I don't even know when. What the last thing was. And we went to Jamaica this year. We talked about it already, so I'll have to get into it, but it was the perfect exact trip of what. What we needed.
- [52:23]
Daniel
Although now. Now, after our conversation, I'm like, maybe we should have done more.
- [52:28]
Adam
What do you mean?
- [52:29]
Daniel
Because we just literally laid around.
- [52:31]
Adam
No, but. But that's kind of what we need. We did ish. You know, like, we. You know, there wasn't much.
- [52:37]
Daniel
We did nothing in a different place.
- [52:39]
Adam
We did everything that they had available.
- [52:41]
Daniel
Right, Right. Which is why we chose it.
- [52:43]
Adam
We took advantage of every opportunity. But so my lesson from that is we need to somehow, however the. We can make time that the two of us need to go somewhere, or whether it's just here or to Jamaica or to somewhere like, however we can make it happen, we got to make it happen like we need it.
- [53:07]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [53:07]
Adam
It was so. It was so refreshing and so just, you know, a great experience for the two of us to just be alone without the kids, without, you know, without any other. Anything occupying our space and our minds and all those things. Like, we forget, because we hadn't done it in so long, how important that is. And even just for our connection, even just for you and I, just to be us.
- [53:38]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [53:39]
Adam
Because We. It's so hard. I can't. I don't want to say we can't do that here, but it's so hard to do that here.
- [53:44]
Daniel
Oh, yeah.
- [53:45]
Adam
So. So my lesson learned is we have to do it more often, and however the fuck we're going to make that happen, we got to make it happen. Yeah.
- [53:56]
Daniel
Okay, good.
- [53:57]
Adam
Yeah, very. Listen, I'm feeling very strongly about that.
- [54:01]
Daniel
I'm ready to start planning the next one now. You don't have to tell me twice. Yeah. For me, the thing that I learned that I'm going to carry with me. Look, I think I broke the seal this year on. I did a lot of stuff that I think was awesome, and a lot of people thought was. Was awesome. I think also a lot of people found it to be very uncomfortable. You know, I. I did the boudoir shoot, which, you know, most people were so supportive of. Some people were assholes about.
- [54:32]
Adam
Why would they be assholes about that?
- [54:34]
Daniel
Well, my mom and, you know. How could I put that? Okay, okay, fine. But they. Okay, but it was a very common theme in the comments and everything. In fact, I think I did, like, a whole thing about it on Instagram also showing all the comments, you know, but I did it, and, And, And I didn't back down. You know, we did those last two episodes, and, you know, I'm sure we lost a lot of listeners, and I lost. I know I lost a lot of people on Instagram and everything, but. But I feel good about it now. You know, I feel not. Not. Not that I want to lose listeners or people, but I, I didn't at any point say, all right, this is too hard. I think in the past about stuff, I've been like, all right, I'll do it next year. I'll worry about it next year. I'll worry about it next time. Or, you know, it's not worth it, but it is worth it to me. And, you know, lots of other things, you know, that. That have happened this year that I think I have not backed down from. And it's not. It's not easy, but. But that's what I want to continue to do. You know, I don't want to back down, and I want to make it to a point where people know that, and, and they know that, you know, that there's a certain way that, you know, that I'm going to want to be treated just as anybody should. And I'm talking about, you know, my personal life and everything. And if it doesn't happen, you don't get, I'm not going to be there. That's it. I'm not going to put myself in that environment, and that's it.
- [56:04]
Adam
So with that being said, what's something that made you, like, happy or laugh or enjoyable in the past year? Was there anything?
- [56:17]
Daniel
Yeah, that's what I said. You know, there wasn't. There wasn't a lot that happened. Yeah, I don't feel like it was one of those years where I have a lot of, like, I can pick out moments from other years that have, you know, I've had so many great memories. I mean, obviously Jamaica is a great memory. It was a wonderful time. I savored every second of it.
- [56:39]
Adam
Different than that, I mean, like, I.
- [56:40]
Daniel
Think that, you know, there was a night where, you know, I'm very, very close with my niece, and she had, like, a major breakup back near Valentine's Day, around Valentine's Day. And, you know, it was her first real major breakup. She was only 22, and, and I took her, my sister and I took her to a breakup bar in New York City, and it was just really fun. And I felt really good about. She was, you know, she was heartbroken. And I felt like in that moment, you know, we gave her exactly what she needed. And that felt really good. I loved it. And I got to tell you, you know, the election and all this stuff, you know, in my mind, we're living through a horrible time, but the content is fucking great. I mean, there is some hilarious shit out there. People are so brilliant. Like, it restores my faith in humanity with how sometimes I'll see something and I'll be like, oh, my God, people are so fucking creative, you know, And I'm sort of like, okay, this is why there's the Internet. This is why there's social media to get, like, to shit like this, you know. And so I think that while I can't pick out a specific one, I do think that that content, you know, that's being created, that we're not getting as much maybe, you know, in our daily lives right now, some of us, it really is, it, it's a, it's therapy in a way. You know, as much as social media obviously can be so toxic and so terrible, I, you know, in so many ways, I also feel like, you know, even on my Instagram and I look through comments, and obviously there's a lot of. There are some comments that I'm like, thank God I have this community. You know, thank God these people are here. Like, I, I, I thank God we Can share. And. And, you know, so I do think that that is. That's been really, like, the, you know, the upside of things. Yeah.
- [58:46]
Adam
Okay.
- [58:47]
Daniel
So. Okay, and what did you. Did you say. Oh, you. You said Jamaica. Did you say something?
- [58:53]
Adam
Oh, no. Oh, no. Something that, like, kind of made me put me in, like, my happy place, I guess, or laughing or whatever. Like, I've. I think I've been focusing on, like, the smaller moments and realizing how. How much, I guess, joy they bring to me or those kinds of things. Like, for example, you know, like, with our three kids, they're all so. So different and so unique in their own ways, and I have different things with all the kids. But just, like, the other night, this. This came to my mind when I was thinking about what, like, did anything make me laugh? Did anything make me happy? Just for, like, a small. Like, a little bit. And the other night, I went into Jonah's room. We were. I was laying in bed with him, and we were just kind of, like, nerding out, you know, about, like, science. And we were doing. We were telling each other, like, just, like, dorky, nerdy jokes, you know, about, you know, black holes or photons or, you know, like. Like jokes that I've heard. Photons, you know. You know what a photon is?
- [60:00]
Daniel
No, apparently not. I thought you were saying futon wrong. Okay, go ahead.
- [60:06]
Adam
So, like, just, like, giggling to each other and, you know, like, he was making fun of me, how bad of a dad joke it was, and then he tried to make one up himself, and, like, it didn't make sense. And, like, whatever. Like, we were just, like, for a good half hour, we were just laying in bed together, like, doing that, you know, back and forth. And it was. It was a nothing experience, but it was one of the best experiences that I can remember in a long time. Oh, you know what I mean?
- [60:34]
Daniel
No, yeah. It's not a nothing experience.
- [60:36]
Adam
No, but, like, it was like, a nothing.
- [60:37]
Daniel
Right?
- [60:38]
Adam
Yeah.
- [60:38]
Daniel
Right.
- [60:38]
Adam
That's so. So stuff like that. Like, I've been trying to really be in the moment for those little tiny things that I bring joy to me, to him or whoever, you know, whichever kid or whatever. So. So it's those kind of things.
- [60:53]
Daniel
Oh, I love it.
- [60:53]
Adam
Yeah. It was so much fun, as a matter of fact, I think, because last night at the bar mitzvah, Jonah was saying to me, are you guys going to do anything to embarrass me? Are there any pictures to embarrass me? Are you going to say anything to embarrass me?
- [61:06]
Daniel
The Bar mitzvah. Yeah.
- [61:08]
Adam
Well, we do our toast or speeches or whatever, and I was thinking to myself, like, I kind of want to open with one of those jokes.
- [61:15]
Daniel
Oh, for the love of God.
- [61:16]
Adam
But. Because it's just. It's just for me and him.
- [61:19]
Daniel
Okay.
- [61:20]
Adam
You know what I mean?
- [61:21]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [61:21]
Adam
Nobody's gonna get it. Nobody's gonna understand it.
- [61:24]
Daniel
Sure.
- [61:24]
Adam
Nobody's gonna, you know, it's gonna be. It's gonna be crickets, you know, it's gonna be, you know. But that's okay.
- [61:29]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [61:29]
Adam
I'm not a stand up comedian, so it's fine. I don't. I don't need the, you know. But. So that was kind of like, that's. That's what I think I need.
- [61:37]
Daniel
Yeah. And that's not really embarrassing him. He might be embarrassed.
- [61:40]
Adam
I'm embarrassing myself.
- [61:42]
Daniel
Yeah. But not like something. Yeah. Not like, I know there's certain pictures and stuff like, you know, that he doesn't want.
- [61:48]
Adam
Like, I. But. But I know how to play it. Like, I know how to be like, you know, nobody laughed, but that's the reason I told that joke.
- [61:56]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [61:56]
Adam
Because he and I laughed.
- [61:57]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [61:57]
Adam
You know what I mean?
- [61:58]
Daniel
I love that. Yeah, I love that. That's awesome. And then I asked a specific goal.
- [62:08]
Adam
Yeah. We kind of touched upon this already, but I think for us, we're still. We've been doing this podcast for how many years? Eight.
- [62:20]
Daniel
Six.
- [62:21]
Adam
Six?
- [62:21]
Daniel
Yeah.
- [62:21]
Adam
Oh, I thought it was eight. All right. We're doing it for six years. Doesn't matter. But through it all, we're still learning how to communicate with each other. Even though we've done this, we've done the date night questions. Not done it. We fucking wrote it. Or you wrote it. But based upon the conversations that we've already had. But through all of that, we're still learning how to communicate, and my goal is to keep improving that because we obviously still need work in communicating with each other, just as I'm sure everybody else in the world too. But I want that to continue. I want that to keep growing. So that's kind of it. And I hope that makes sense.
- [63:09]
Daniel
Sure.
- [63:10]
Adam
But you asked me for two, so that. That was one. The other one is. Which I'm, you know, I've been very excited about and I know, completely separate from, you know, you and I specifically. But as far as work is concerned, a goal of mine is I am looking to do a complete revamp on the business and do things that have never been done before. And I've been working so hard on making that happen. And I am very hopeful and extremely positive about making this stuff happen. I don't want to talk about it yet. You know, I. But it's just a goal, like, you asked me about. Goals that, you know, I'm looking to revamp us. I'm looking to revamp work. I'm looking to, you know, this is my year to, like, step shit up and, like, take charge and make things happen and be really fucking excited about doing it.
- [64:07]
Daniel
Awesome.
- [64:07]
Adam
That's.
- [64:08]
Daniel
I love that.
- [64:09]
Adam
That's my. Oh, and to see my friends.
- [64:11]
Daniel
Right?
- [64:11]
Adam
Yeah.
- [64:11]
Daniel
Right.
- [64:12]
Adam
That's cool.
- [64:12]
Daniel
That's great. And mine is a little bit of the opposite.
- [64:16]
Adam
Okay. You want us to communicate less and.
- [64:18]
Daniel
No, no, no, no, no, no. You know, I think mine is a little bit. To not be so intense on everything. Well, okay. That's. That's very. Okay.
- [64:33]
Adam
I already said I want to be part of that, to make that happen. I already said that.
- [64:39]
Daniel
You know, I think that the. The intensity that I feel certainly does not stem from anywhere. It being overly dramatic or, you know, maybe I. I allow myself to sink into it a little bit too much. But also, look, it's been rough. There's been a lot of rough stuff. You know, certain things can't talk about on the podcast. Nothing, you know, no infidelity or anything like, you know, family shit. And. And I just. I think I want. I want to be able to enjoy life more. I also know, you know, that. That. That there is. That there's a lot of layers and a lot of responsibility, and, you know, I think that I would love to be able to balance that more. I asked, you know, in this coming year, if there was. If this coming year was a chapter in a book and you had to name the chapter, I said to go with it. And finally, she found peace.
- [65:43]
Adam
That's pretty similar.
- [65:44]
Daniel
Oh, okay. Well, how am I gonna find peace if you're finding peace, too? One of us has to do.
- [65:52]
Adam
I said, this is when we figured out.
- [65:55]
Daniel
No, no, no. That's the opposite.
- [65:58]
Adam
Why? We figured out, and we both have peace.
- [66:01]
Daniel
I don't want to figure any more out.
- [66:03]
Adam
No, but I'm saying it's all done. We figured it out. Oh, we did it. This is when we figured out. It's done. Okay, now we have peace.
- [66:10]
Daniel
So now's the neck. Okay, That's.
- [66:12]
Adam
This. That's okay. This year.
- [66:14]
Daniel
Good. Good. Okay.
- [66:15]
Adam
Yeah, that's.
- [66:16]
Daniel
Yeah. Like, I think that opposite is. I don't want to work at so much this year.
- [66:20]
Adam
I don't blame you.
- [66:21]
Daniel
You know, What? I mean, like, I feel like that's the thing is like. Like, I don't want to evolve this year, you know, Like, I don't want to grow. I want to be for a little bit, you know, not the whole year, but, like, I want to just be like. I feel like I've been having to work at shit for so long. I just want to be for a little bit. And, you know, and I think that I know a lot of people can relate to that, you know, like, there's just. We're always, you know, and we're making up for the people in our lives who won't grow. And it's time to say them, them.
- [66:55]
Adam
Them, them in the air, wherever.
- [66:57]
Daniel
Just.
- [66:58]
Adam
What was that from? Is that a dice thing?
- [67:00]
Daniel
Yeah, that sounds like dice. Yeah. Okay. And then something brave you want to do in the coming year or you have to. Well, not that we've started yet or anything, but we have, you know, begun being in talks with getting a book published.
- [67:19]
Adam
Right.
- [67:20]
Daniel
So is that brave? Hell yeah.
- [67:22]
Adam
Writing a book?
- [67:23]
Daniel
I don't. Hell yeah.
- [67:25]
Adam
Oh, okay.
- [67:26]
Daniel
Like, putting yourself out there and I mean, in a different way.
- [67:30]
Adam
That's true. True. Because of the book that I've been talking about for five years that I've been writing. There's a lot of in there that I'm very scared to put out there. So I guess. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.
- [67:40]
Daniel
I mean, and just. Anyway, just, you know, having a book on this, like, people have to search for our podcast and, you know, you have to sit down and listen to it or whatever. Like, a book that's out there is a much different animal, I think, you know. Yeah.
- [67:58]
Adam
Okay.
- [67:59]
Daniel
At least for all four people who will buy it.
- [68:02]
Adam
But look, that's what we said about the podcast right when we first started.
- [68:05]
Daniel
You know, True Dad.
- [68:06]
Adam
Yeah.
- [68:08]
Daniel
So anyway, so, yeah, I think the overall, the overarching theme to talk in publisher speak is. Is to find little enjoyments. Like, I want to have the type of life this year where I can just sit and do a puzzle or, you know, do, like, old person shit. Do a puzzle and be able to just take that all in and enjoy that and not have to be like, I can't do a puzzle. I gotta solve some issue. Like, I just want a little more. A little more, you know, retirement home, a little less.
- [68:56]
Adam
You're 40s.
- [68:57]
Daniel
The grind.
- [68:59]
Adam
You're not 60.
- [69:00]
Daniel
And I feel like I have lived a thousand years. And look, I know I'm being dramatic and it's all fucking relative. We could all, you Know, we could all whatever, but it's been a lot. There's been a lot. And, and, and problem solving has been a, you know, the number one role in my life for the past 20 years. I've been in problem solving mode every single day. Every single day I have been in problems.
- [69:26]
Adam
And from what I saw the one time, you're pretty good at doing puzzles too, and it seemed like you enjoyed it.
- [69:32]
Daniel
I'm not great. I'm pretty bad.
- [69:35]
Adam
When we were home during COVID you were doing puzzles.
- [69:37]
Daniel
Yeah, I got like a half through. Remember, everybody was every. I posted it online and everyone was like, are you a serial killer? And I was like, because I did it from the inside out. I didn't do the border first.
- [69:51]
Adam
Of course you do the border.
- [69:52]
Daniel
Oh, people were so mad at me. I don't blame, like, worse than the last two episodes. That's like, people were like, that's sacrilegious. You don't do that.
- [69:59]
Adam
I agree.
- [70:00]
Daniel
I know.
- [70:00]
Adam
That's like saying you're a reader when you listen to books.
- [70:05]
Daniel
That's like saying you're a reader when you've read one book your whole life. All right, so, yeah, also a lot of you stepped up and rated and reviewed, you know, the last two episodes or, you know, a bunch of you did, and so grateful for that. There were also some, I don't know. So nice rate reading this review. Oh, and I wanted to point out, also, I don't. Hopefully this person is listening. Someone had written a kind of a shitty review. And I said on Instagram, you know, when I saw the review, I said, you know, interesting that you've listened for such a long time and you chose to review after these two episodes that you disliked, which, you know, usually when I put things out on Instagram, I just, you know, there's. I don't. There's not much change or reaction from people. And the person went back and. And fixed the review and said, you know, I felt like that was a valid thing. And, you know, not that I was saying it because I don't want a bad review out there because obviously there's always going to be bad reviews out there. But to me, that was a really, really awesome moment because I think sometimes we're always thinking how, how people aren't willing to, like, you know, again, admit that maybe they could have done things differently or whatever, you know, me included. But I thought that was really awesome. And so if that person is listening, I thought that was really cool. And I appreciate that. And that does not negate you know, the critiques you had on the last two episodes, there's. Those are still, you know, valid points and. But it was. It was a cool thing to. To. To see that, you know, people are not. That people are. You know, they listen and they want to.
- [71:53]
Adam
I know what you're saying.
- [71:53]
Daniel
Yeah, yeah. So thank you. Appreciate that. But also, you know, if. If there have gotten a thousand messages about that episode and, you know, if people could take a moment to just rate interview.
- [72:04]
Adam
I thought you were gonna say take a moment of silence for the episode.
- [72:07]
Daniel
Yeah, that too. It did get a lot of downloads.
- [72:11]
Adam
Did it?
- [72:11]
Daniel
Oh, those two episodes got a lot of downloads.
- [72:14]
Adam
Oh, man, I got people.
- [72:15]
Daniel
Well, it's so funny too, because the first episode, some people came at me online and I was sort of like, okay. And then they listened to the second episode and came at me again. I was like, wait a minute. If you listen to the first episode, while I appreciate that, you know, you stuck with it, you knew you weren't gonna like the second one, so. But anyway, either way, I appreciate people supporting, you know, that it was. Look, it was. Those were really tough things. And I challenge people to wonder what it would. Next time you have a big fight with your partner or they do something that you really, you know, think is harming your relationship or something, just pretend there were microphones in front of you and see what maybe the feedback would be. I bet it wouldn't be great because fighting is messy and not, you know, and people can say you're good at fighting or bad at fighting. It doesn't look good, so it's not pretty. And also, we have out right now on our store, I did, like, a consolidated questions that you and your partner can ask each other about the upcoming holidays to, you know, kind of divvy things up for the mental load. I also did like trading cards where you guys can put down, you know, certain things that you have coming up, whether it's buying gifts or doing, you know, cards for people or getting the house, you know, ready for guests or whatever, put them all on trading cards and kind of swap them out with each other. There's conversation starters for the Thanksgiving table. If anybody's worried about, like, you know, people talking about shit right now, that's going to be uncomfortable. I came up with some awesome conversation starters, and you guys can just fold them up, put them in a hat, people go around the table, pick them out, talk about them.
- [74:02]
Adam
Are we doing it on Thanksgiving?
- [74:05]
Daniel
Well, we could be fun. I mean, it's a. Fun. Even if you're not going to have people arguing, because I was going to say we're going to a place where, you know, I'm not worried about, like.
- [74:14]
Adam
But it's still a fun thing.
- [74:16]
Daniel
Absolutely.
- [74:16]
Adam
They're.
- [74:16]
Daniel
They're fun questions and everybody can participate.
- [74:19]
Adam
Yeah.
- [74:19]
Daniel
And there's some other fun games there, too. And there's, you know, it's. It's well worth the money, for sure. And, you know, obviously it supports us, too, which is great. And it's my birthday, so. Yeah, that would be a great birthday.
- [74:31]
Adam
Daniel, a birthday drink. Okay.
- [74:33]
Daniel
Well, no, it would be them buying something for themselves, which is really good. Oh, yeah. Or buy me a drink, Venmo. And. Yeah, so that's it. And so I'll put the link at the bottom and the kit. 15 for 15 off.
- [74:48]
Adam
Cool.
- [74:49]
Daniel
Yeah. Okay.
- [74:50]
Adam
Thanks, guys.
- [74:51]
Daniel
Thanks, everyone.
- [74:51]
Adam
Bye.
- [74:52]
Daniel
Bye.
- [74:52]
Adam
Wait. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.
- [74:54]
Daniel
I thought you were gonna say happy birthday, Danielle.
- [74:55]
Adam
I said that at the beginning.
- [74:57]
Daniel
Oh, okay.
- [74:57]
Adam
Yeah.
- [74:57]
Daniel
Happy Thanksgiving.
- [74:58]
Adam
Yeah.
- [74:59]
Daniel
Yes.
- [74:59]
Adam
Now, goodbye.
- [75:00]
Daniel
Goodbye.
- [75:00]
Adam
Thanks.