What Does Adam REALLY Need?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Marriage and Martinis – "What Does Adam REALLY Need?"

Release Date: January 27, 2025
Hosts: Danielle & Adam

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Introduction: Revisiting Family Dynamics and Recent Challenges

In the episode titled "What Does Adam REALLY Need?", Danielle and Adam delve deep into the intricacies of their marriage, shedding light on both personal and relational challenges they face. The conversation kicks off as Danielle reflects on their recent family trip to Disney, highlighting the multifaceted experiences that went beyond mere vacation fun.

Danielle opens the discussion by sharing her feelings about high expectations during family vacations. She remarks, "I think family vacations should always be. The expectations, I think are always so high." (01:04). This sets the tone for their candid exploration of personal needs and marital dynamics.

The Disney Trip: More Than Just a Vacation

Adam recounts the trip, emphasizing that it became more of his personal getaway rather than a family-oriented experience. He states, "The trip really turned out to be for me and not Jonah and Ian." (02:22). Danielle counters by highlighting the importance of involving teenagers by saying, "I highly recommend allowing your teenagers to bring a friend on vacation... especially your kid, who has 15 times more energy than anybody else in your family." (02:58).

The hosts discuss logistical aspects, such as staying at a resort instead of a Disney property to save costs and ensure comfort, especially when dealing with illness during the trip. Adam humorously notes, "We didn't get our money's worth this time, but, you know, it was an experience." (04:18). They both agree that traveling with teenagers offers a different dynamic, allowing for more independence and reducing the need for constant parental supervision.

Navigating a Volatile Relationship

Transitioning from their vacation experiences, Danielle and Adam open up about the volatility in their marriage over the past year. Danielle shares, "It’s been a little over a year since we did the episode of when is the last straw. Right. Which was really the start of a really hard time in our relationship where I was very, very much thinking about leaving." (08:04). This period was marked by frequent thoughts of separation and questioning the sustainability of their relationship.

Adam acknowledges the strain, mentioning his demanding work schedule and the lack of availability to nurture their relationship. He says, "We were away for a week and I... look, I don't know. I didn't even. If you want to talk about it or not." (02:24). Danielle emphasizes the roller-coaster nature of their relationship, describing it as "a funny, heartfelt, shocking, embarrassing, and completely inappropriate facet of marriage and parenting." (09:00).

Addressing Individual Needs: Intimacy, Romance, and Appreciation

A significant portion of the episode focuses on delineating the individual needs within their marriage. Danielle initiates a structured conversation about what each partner needs, encouraging a frank and open dialogue. She prompts Adam, "What do we both need? Because I do think that our needs are very different." (12:33).

Intimacy:
Adam rates his need for intimacy as fully satisfied, stating, "My need for intimacy is 100 fulfilled." (27:00). However, Danielle challenges this by suggesting, "I'd like you to tell me some of your fantasy ideas." (27:42). Adam clarifies his perspective on intimacy, associating it with emotional connections beyond physical aspects.

Romance:
The conversation shifts to romance, with Danielle expressing a desire for more intentional romantic gestures. She notes, "I think romance for us, you know, if you look, if you read a romance novel, you would probably roll your eyes and think to yourself, this is ridiculous." (29:12). Adam counters by questioning the realism of romantic ideals found in novels, leading to a discussion about balancing fantasy with practical relationship dynamics.

Danielle emphasizes the importance of novelty in romance, arguing that Adam's actions, albeit well-intentioned, lack the element of surprise and intentionality she seeks. She recounts, "I wanted to show you that I understood that, like, that would be something special to you." (52:22), highlighting moments where she felt Adam's efforts fell short of her romantic expectations.

Appreciation and Support:
The hosts also tackle the theme of appreciation, with Adam rating his appreciation for Danielle at 3.7 out of 5. He expresses frustration over feeling unappreciated due to his limited presence at home: "You're home with the kids. I don't see it. I'm at work. I don't know what's going on with you during the day." (38:19). Danielle reflects on feeling sidelined and undervalued, stating, "I've always felt like something keeps me in second place." (55:11).

Adam defends himself by highlighting the unseen efforts he makes to maintain the household, leading to a tense yet necessary conversation about mutual appreciation and the hidden burdens each partner carries.

Concluding Reflections and Future Directions

As the episode nears its end, Danielle and Adam acknowledge the progress they've made in addressing their needs but also recognize the ongoing work required to sustain their relationship. Danielle hints at continuing the discussion on romance in future episodes, emphasizing the depth and complexity of their marital journey.

She concludes with, "So next week is the what I need slash Valentine's Day romance episode." (58:33), signaling an ongoing commitment to exploring and improving their marriage.

Notable Quotes:

• "The expectations, I think are always so high." — Danielle (01:04)

• "The trip really turned out to be for me and not Jonah and Ian." — Adam (02:22)

• "Our relationship would be so different." — Danielle (34:36)

• "My need for intimacy is 100 fulfilled." — Adam (27:00)

• "I think romance for us...this is ridiculous." — Danielle (29:12)

• "You could handle that 100%." — Adam (21:46)

• "This is a man who just exists out there." — Danielle (35:59)

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Conclusion

In "What Does Adam REALLY Need?", Danielle and Adam offer listeners an unfiltered look into the challenges and triumphs of their marriage. Through honest conversations about intimacy, romance, appreciation, and mutual support, they highlight the complexities of maintaining a healthy relationship amidst personal growth and external pressures. This episode serves as both a reflection and a roadmap for couples navigating similar marital dynamics, emphasizing the importance of open communication and continuous effort in sustaining love and partnership.

Transcript

[Danielle]

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[Adam]

Sa. Hey, everybody. Welcome to marriage of Martinis. Adam, here's Danielle.

[Danielle]

Hello. Oh, hi.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

Oh, you wanted me to stop? Please. Yeah, it's been a little bit. A little while. Yeah, I guess. Life is always crazy. You guys know, I feel like everybody knows it's just nuts and non stop. We went away. We were in Disney for a week. People who follow me on Instagram sort of saw my posts about how, you know, it was a fun trip, but also.

[Adam]

Sure, there's. There's a lot behind. Well, yeah, I mean, being a fun trip. I mean, do we want to get into that?

[Danielle]

Like, I did a little bit on Instagram. I mean, I think that family vacations should always be. The expectations, I think are always so high.

[Adam]

Yeah, but there were so many other things involved with this trip too. I mean. All right, look, number one again. Yes. We're back. It's a long time coming, as always. You know, I work the last two weeks of the year straight, so I'm just not available to. To record. And then we left the morning after on the first New Year's Day. New Year's Day. So we were away for a week and I. Look, I don't know. I didn't even. If you want to talk about it or not. Stop me if you don't.

[Danielle]

About being sick.

[Adam]

Yeah, like when we. So we went to Disney and our kids are 19, 16 and 13. Right. So initially, instead of doing a party for Jonah for his bar mitzvah, we were gonna do a trip. And then it turned into smaller party, smaller trip. Combination of both. And. And the trip really turned out to be for me and not Jonah and Ian.

[Danielle]

No, this is for me.

[Adam]

This is.

[Danielle]

No, no, no. Ian loved it too.

[Adam]

I know, but, like, she coerced him into.

[Danielle]

And by the way, highly recommend allowing your teenagers to bring a friend on vacation.

[Adam]

God, yeah.

[Danielle]

Especially your kid, who has 15 times more energy than anybody else in your family.

[Adam]

All right, so the quick of it.

[Danielle]

Is the quick of It.

[Adam]

Yeah, I don't want to. Like, I don't think anybody wants to hear all the details. But anyway, so when we left, Jonah wasn't even feeling well. Right. So off the bat, like, he wasn't feeling well, and then Mia wasn't feeling well, and then. And I was already not feeling well. Just, I guess, you know, with all the work and, you know, not sleeping and whatever. Not sick, but just. We were all off, and then Jonah was sick, and he stayed back from the park. And like you said, Ian had his friend meet us for the first four nights, which was incredible. And going to Disney, by the way, with teenagers is amazing. Because they can go without you.

[Danielle]

Correct.

[Adam]

And you don't have to be there, and you can go and then you can leave while they're still there. Like, so all of that outstanding, different.

[Danielle]

Kind of trip than it used to be.

[Adam]

Right.

[Danielle]

But in the positive way and the negative way, because the magic of it is a little bit not the same.

[Adam]

Yeah. When I always said, when the kids were little and we would go there and come home and, you know, people would ask, how was your trip to Disney? It was magical. It really was, like.

[Danielle]

And a pain in the ass.

[Adam]

A pain in the ass. But I. I loved it.

[Danielle]

Yeah. You always loved it.

[Adam]

I was.

[Danielle]

I'm not a Disney person.

[Adam]

I had everybody up by, like, 7am we are going to the parks, and we are staying there till closing in the whole day. We're doing it. We got the strollers and the bags and the. All that. Right.

[Danielle]

You're like, I'm getting my money's worth.

[Adam]

Damn right. So, yeah, we didn't get our money's worth this time, but, you know, it was an experience. But. So everybody was not feeling well.

[Danielle]

We got bullied into going, I feel like, by Mia and Ian. We definitely got bullied into going. It was Jonah's trip. And Jonah doesn't really. Like, he's a homebody. He doesn't care about really going anywhere.

[Adam]

Nor does he even know Disney characters.

[Danielle]

He doesn't know Disney characters. He doesn't give a. About the rides. He doesn't speak. So when we asked him where he wanted to go, and his siblings were like, you need to go to Disney. He's like, all right, I guess I'll go to Disney. Because it's not like. He was like, well, I actually want to go to California or, I want to. He didn't care. Like, with Mia, with hers, she was so Harry Potter obsessed that we were like, london it is, you know.

[Adam]

Yeah. Well, we tried so hard with him too. Like, let's go to Hawaii, let's go to California, whatever.

[Danielle]

Like actually it would have been cheaper to go to Hawaii, I think.

[Adam]

Well, we did it good. I think we did pretty good expense wise Disney compared to what Disney could cost. We did pretty good the way we did it.

[Danielle]

I guess so. I guess so. But it was, I truly felt like the value of it. There are a gazillion places I would have rather gone and that's just me. Again, I'm not a Disney person.

[Adam]

Right, but you did it right because you got us what we were not on Disney property. We were at a resort which were houses. Like we had a 20, whatever, 100 square foot house. So thank. Thankfully we did because with us not feeling well, we had bedrooms, we had family rooms, we had kitchen. You know, we had all that. Like it was, we were in a house so it was comfortable. Right. So if we weren't feeling well and come back and go into bed and go to sleep and not in a room and every. And the house was half the price of what a Disney resort would have been.

[Danielle]

Right. And it was also the weather wasn't like where we would be at the pool all day or we would be at the water park at the, you know, when you go in the summer and you can stay at a resort and you're using the, you know, the slides and the pools and it wasn't like that. So yes, I highly recommend it. I mean the house was awesome. It was really affordable and it had a game room. I mean it had a pool in the back. But we didn't know you had to set up to heat it in advance. So we didn't have that. But yes, to me, the Disney expense. And listen, if you research enough beforehand, which we did not do, I know that there are better ways. You know, there are lots of ways you can save money and you can use a Disney travel agent, which we didn't really do. And but you know, to me, to get there and then you're like waiting on lines for hours. And I just, to me, I just.

[Adam]

I think the biggest hack of it all was when you stay at a Disney property, which is wonderful by the way, if you're there and you want to be on the monorail or the bus or the whatever. But we didn't. When you go out to eat, you're spending between two and six hundred per meal if you have four or five people, right. Like you're. We went to Chef Mickey's like this shitty buffet because the characters Are there? And spent 600 for six people.

[Danielle]

Is that how much it was?

[Adam]

Yeah, it was 600. Right. So. But staying in a house, we had, we instacarted food to the house or we doordashed dinner for 75 or whatever. Like, so we saved so much money. It would have been thousands and thousands of dollars to eat.

[Danielle]

Yeah. Except we had to uber everywhere, which was a little bit.

[Adam]

Yeah, but I mean, how much did that really come? Like, that was not.

[Danielle]

It's not bad to me, it felt really ridiculously poor. But we've. Before we took this long break, which was really long, we had talked a lot about, you know, our relationship the past year. I don't even remember the last fucking episode we did. Was it about the bar mitzvah? I don't even know. But this past year, it's been a little over a year since we did the episode of when is the last straw. Right. Which was really the start of a really hard time in our relationship where I was very, very much thinking about leaving. And then there was a time that you were kind of thinking about maybe we should end. Was a very back and forth year. There were a lot of times when we were sort of like, I don't know, is this the end? And yet there were these other times, which I guess is a microcosm of our whole relationship where we were like, no, we, we can't leave each other. Like, we need each other. You know, like we love each other. And then recently something just sparked and changed and you know, and of course me being me and knowing the volatility of our relationship, I'm always like, is, is this going to last? Is this really actually, you know, finally Adam stepping up and, and is this gonna be it? Or am I in a couple weeks gonna be back to, oh, shit. It was just a, you know, because after the boudoir shoot and everything, we were like flying high. It was, you were like obsessed with me and something about this. It was like maybe your adhd, I don't know, but something about this, that photo shoot and, you know, maybe my bravery and the pictures and the whole, you know, everybody online coming forth and saying how awesome I looked and whatever, maybe you know, affected you some and. But it was very short lived, right? It was like a two week literal honeymoon period where we were just constantly all over each other. It was like heaven. And then it was all of a sudden like, snap my fingers and it's back to horrible. So, you know, so to me it's always like, when's the other Shoe going to drop. Right. That's always how I am. This isn't going to. But recently, I would say since, I don't know, before Disney.

[Adam]

Oh, yeah. No, it's been at least six weeks or more. Yeah, that's pretty good for us.

[Danielle]

Yeah. Yeah. But again, of course I'm always worried, you know.

[Adam]

I know you said that on day two.

[Danielle]

I'll say it every day, you know.

[Adam]

Like, I do too, just, you know. Sure. Well, yeah, I mean, I said it. I, I, I've kind of said little things to you and just even the last couple days where it was, why isn't, why is not. Why is today not as amazing as it's been for the last six weeks? Like why what's going on? Like, you were tired, I was tired. Like, we go through these weird sleep transitions, right? Like I'm in, I'm in this thing now where I'm up at like 3:50 in the morning. You're for no reason. Like, I, like I'm up. You, you've recently been going to bed at 2:00 in the morning.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Right. So, like we're in this weird thing of like opposite sleep schedules that were both just not getting enough sleep. And I think it caught up to us in the last couple of days and we were both very cranky and very on edge and like, I didn't want to deal with shit last night and neither did you. And it was, and I was just kind of like, you know, you go through phases, you know, maybe not to the extremes as I do on, on my end, but, you know, I'm kind of watching as you're watching me, if that makes sense. You know what I mean? Like, I'm, I want to make sure that I'm putting forth all of the effort that I want to do that. You are at the same time, you know, and I got nervous yesterday, like, I know this is why this is happening. And I even said to you, like, let's just call a truce and like, maybe we should just like do our separate thing tonight so that there's no arguments for stupid shit that doesn't mean anything. Because that's kind of.

[Danielle]

We'll get to that.

[Adam]

Okay?

[Danielle]

Yeah, we'll get to that. Because, yeah, I have a little bit about that. But anyway, I thought that really what we need to talk about and what I think other people need to hear as us being, you know, in this point right now where we're in a very good place, but yet there's no doubt that we have a volatile past. And that it's been up and down has been, you know, not to sound cliche, but it really is the way to describe it, a fucking roller coaster ride. And so, you know, to lay it out there, like, what do we both need? Because I do think that our needs are very different. I think some of them are very similar.

[Adam]

Oh, I want to correct you. I think they were very different.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

I think that's changed.

[Danielle]

Okay, well, I would love to hear that then. That's. That's important to me to hear, because I guess in my mind, I always feel like your needs are so different than mine.

[Adam]

I think they were. And I think, you know, we still obviously have different needs. I mean, who doesn't, Right? And that's a normal thing. I'm not worried about that, but I think we're more aligned.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

In the last month and a half to two months.

[Danielle]

Yeah, we.

[Adam]

With our needs. Yeah, definitely.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I think. Look, I. We're getting interviewed on Wednesday with, you know, shows coming here and there, you know, there's a production crew or whatever, so there's been, like, a lot of prep. And of course, I handle all the prep. So, you know, they're asking me all these questions, and he's sort of like, how would you describe your relationship now?

[Adam]

And did he say, like, today? Like, when he says now, like, what is that timeframe?

[Danielle]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. That's how quick it can change.

[Adam]

Or today.

[Danielle]

Right. And, you know, and I said to him, because I. Look, I said to him, one thing our audience always knows is that we're not bullshitting anybody, right? Like, there's. There's never a time where we're like, oh, everything's so great, when really it's shitty. When it's shitty, everybody knows it's shitty.

[Adam]

Don't matter what we say, because just the way we say it comes across the way it really is.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I mean, we did those, you know, those. Those episodes about politics, you know, about the election and everything. And there was part of me after that that was like, I don't know, maybe we're not compatible. You know, maybe, like, I don't know that I want to be married to somebody who has, you know, this. Who's not interested in, you know, all these things that I'm so passionate about and everything. And I think there's probably part of you that's like, I'm not really interested in somebody who's so fucking passionate about all this shit that doesn't, you know, in your mind, directly affect us. Like, you know, there are all these. These variables that. That touch our relationship. And there's. There's this. I guess. I guess I'm at the point now, you know, I did a video the other day on Instagram where I was like, I was in Starbucks and I didn't order ahead of time, so I was online.

[Adam]

Wow.

[Danielle]

I know, I know.

[Adam]

Wait a minute. Stop the press. You went to the Starbucks, number one. That's a big change.

[Danielle]

That's a big I doordash. Starbucks a lot. I'm very embarrassed to say it, but I do. Yes.

[Adam]

And then number two, you waited online.

[Danielle]

I did. I waited online and there were two women in front of me. And one of them said, oh, my God, are you. I'm so excited to go out for your birthday tonight. Are you excited to go out for your birthday? And. And the other woman looked at. I guess it was her friend or maybe her sister, I don't know. And she said, well, yeah, I'm excited to go out and hang out, but I'm not sure how much celebrating I'm going to do because I'm turning 40, and, you know me, like, I wanted to, like, tap her on the shoulder and be like, let's talk. Like, you have been fed lies. Like, you're about to enter your 40s. You're. This is like, your time to shine. Like, the 40s is, I think, think when it all gets good, right? Not to say there's no downsides. Not to say that, like, aging doesn't come with its. Because it certainly does.

[Adam]

Okay, so. So it starts at 40. Like the best starts at 40. Or is it in your 40s?

[Danielle]

I. Well, I guess it's different for everybody, but I think for you. Well, we started the podcast when we were 40.

[Adam]

Well, I'm just. I'm asking because we're creeping up to 50, and we're getting there pretty close.

[Danielle]

I mean, I think people say that for women. I can't speak for men. For women, I think you just become so much more comfortable in your own skin. And so, you know, I feel like we've been fed all these lies and men have been fed all these lies about women. And so, you know, I think that there's. Look, we talk a lot about gray divorce, right? We talk about the fact that women are leaving men in troves as they're getting older, their 40s, their 50s, even their 60s. And there are some in their 70s who are leaving their husbands. And it is usually women leaving. It's very rarely men. We. We did a whole episode about it.

[Adam]

I Remember?

[Danielle]

But I think it's because at a, you know, we're sort of at this point where we realize and look, I won't speak specifically for other women, but for me, I feel like I, you know, I, I've said many times, time is of the essence, right? And there's all these things I want to do and there's all these people I want to spend time with and, you know, and, and, and I don't want to be held back and I don't want to, I don't want to sacrifice anymore. You know, I don't want to sacrifice in the ways that like, okay, fine, I'm married. And so, you know, this is how it's gonna be. And no, if I'm going to be married, it's got to be fucking worth it. And I think a little bit of that is new because, you know, our kids are kind of grown now. You know, we still have a 13 year old, we still have a high schooler, 16 year old. But needs, as far as parenting are changing. I think we have also been so proactive in our parenting that we've solved a lot of issues early, thankfully. Not to say there won't be more. There will be. But, you know, I know at this point that I could be on my own and be okay. Whereas when I was.

[Adam]

You think so?

[Danielle]

When I, I don't know if I.

[Adam]

Agree with you, but go ahead.

[Danielle]

Well, you could say why, but in my 20s and my 30s, I was like, I, I, oh my God, I can't, I, I'll financially you. You know, as parenting, as far as all these things, I sort of felt like, I can't, I can't, I can't leave. I didn't have the confidence, I didn't have the, you know, the, the, what's it called? The like the self realization. I didn't have any of that. And now I do. I know I would be okay not, not to say, like I'm saying, if our relationship wasn't good. You know what I mean? Like, I think it takes more to keep a woman as she gets older.

[Adam]

Well, I guess like you said before, we're gonna get into that stuff and that that's something that we're gonna get into also, which is why I think I. Listen, you'd be, you'd be fine without me. I'm not saying you can't do it. Of course you can do it and learn and figure things out. I think you'd be in for a heart awakening.

[Danielle]

You're talking about, like, financially, no, no, no, everything.

[Adam]

Like, I just think without. Without me or somebody to replace me.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I need to know more about that.

[Adam]

Okay.

[Danielle]

Because I don't know.

[Adam]

We got. We got to take a break.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

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[Danielle]

So you were saying before that you think that I need you more than you know.

[Adam]

I think you need a me, a someone is what I was saying.

[Danielle]

All right. I'm interested to hear more than that. I think that things have shifted a lot in that I think when the kids were growing up, even though I don't think that you were there to the nearly to the degree that you should have been, I still felt like I couldn't survive without you. I think that's shifted a little bit. I think that you're talking from a.

[Adam]

Perspective of the kids.

[Danielle]

Well, just in general in life, I think, I think that you maybe didn't you. I think you didn't appreciate me.

[Adam]

I. I agree with you. And I think from a perspective of the kids, I 100% agree with you. You don't need me and you don't need somebody else. You could handle that 100%.

[Danielle]

Yeah, well, I want, I would want. I want to have a partner always. You know what I mean? I want someone in it. But, but I guess what I'm saying, whereas back then I was sort of like, okay, well, maybe he's not in it. But you know, first of all, people weren't getting divorced yet, right? We were still younger. And, you know, I wasn't seeing friends leaving their spouses. You know, financially, I could not have survived on my own unless I asked for assistance from my parents or siblings or whatever, because I was a stay at home mom. And I think that I probably was just like I was to the point I wanted it to work. I didn't want to be a quote, unquote failure, which I now realize very much is not a failure. You know, to end a marriage is not failing. To me, back then it was. So a lot of things have shifted and I think that the last time that, you know, I was gonna. Well, when I said I was gonna leave and you thought that I was cheating on you or you thought that I was dating other people. And I think that to you was like, maybe what put you over the edge.

[Adam]

Yeah, it could be.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I think it was maybe, you know, I wasn't telling you where I was going. We were fighting and I was making plans and I wasn't telling you where I was going because I was sort of like, he doesn't fucking deserve to know. And so you had no idea. I would just be out and, you know, during the day I would leave. I was not staying home and doing what I normally do and. And there was part of you that was, I think, probably like, is she dating? And I was close. You know, I wasn't going to cheat on you, but certainly I was getting myself prepared. I joined a dating app.

[Adam]

But you joined.

[Danielle]

I didn't, I didn't put in a profile, but I sort of like, set it up.

[Adam]

Like, wow.

[Danielle]

We were very close. We were very close to ending.

[Adam]

I had thoughts about what I was gonna do and what. Like, I never opened an app. I never, you know, I think I.

[Danielle]

Was closer than you.

[Adam]

Yeah, you were.

[Danielle]

I was. I was. I was. Towards the end, I was sort of like, what am time? Like I said, time is of the essence. And there are non negotiables now. And I'm, you know, in a place now that's very different than I was even, even five years ago. So. And, and look, I've always said I want you to be the person. But in the last year, something changed where I was sort of like, I don't even need a person. I have my friends. I'll have experiences, I'll have intimacy. I'll have all that stuff again. If. If I'm going to have, like. I'm not going to leave you and have another man that I already know. That's done. I've seen enough. I don't need another man. It's gonna be you or no other man. Unless it's just sexual, you know what I mean? Or just a companionship. I'm not marrying another man again.

[Adam]

Oh, really? Not.

[Danielle]

No way. Not happening.

[Adam]

I'm surprised.

[Danielle]

Not a shot in the world. But I want a companion. Look, I want something to travel with. I want somebody to, you know, have affection and intimacy with and everything.

[Adam]

But you wouldn't marry again. Like a woman, you're saying, or.

[Danielle]

I, I would. I don't. I. I'm very, very certain. Maybe not a hundred percent, but 90 certain I would never marry another man again.

[Adam]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Oh, okay. I was. I was picturing guys that you were, like, going out with.

[Danielle]

Well, that doesn't mean I wouldn't date them. I would date.

[Adam]

You were just, like, going out for, like, a good time.

[Danielle]

I would have, you know, companionship. I wouldn't live with one. I wouldn't. You know, and I. I think my needs have changed.

[Adam]

But I thought the same thing too.

[Danielle]

What?

[Adam]

Like, I. If. When my mind was going. And, like, if I was going to meet another woman, like, I'm not living with them. I'm not married.

[Danielle]

Oh, see, I would imagine that you would be engaged in five minutes. You say that.

[Adam]

I don't know. I wouldn't get married again. I wouldn't live with a woman again. I would. Like. I would. I think we're on the. We're on the same page.

[Danielle]

I'm just not sure I believe you.

[Adam]

Well, that's my thought. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I would change my mind. You know, like, who knows?

[Danielle]

Right.

[Adam]

All right. Well, should we get.

[Danielle]

All right, go ahead. So anyway, so what do we need at this point? Right? So I wanted us each to sort of write out things that at this point, we're like, this is what I need. Just fucking spell it out at. You know, we're in our 40s, our fucking late 40s now. And I just, you know, let's not beat around the bush. What do we need? What are we getting? What are we not getting? And people out there can say, yay or nay. I agree with you. I don't agree with. Whatever. Okay, so go first.

[Adam]

All right. So you asked me for, like, a list of five things.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I just said five.

[Adam]

So I did five. Okay. And I rated them, by the way. About what? How I feel. You provide me with these things. So it's a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being the best.

[Danielle]

Okay, good.

[Adam]

So intimacy for me was. Was my first thing.

[Danielle]

Are these in order? Not at all.

[Adam]

Just. I just threw random. Yeah. So I put intimacy and I gave it a five. Like there's nothing I need intimately that you don't provide or. I mean, to be honest with you, I think you're probably more in need of intimacy than I am. So there's nothing that I have Just.

[Danielle]

Called me an infomaniac.

[Adam]

Possibly, but that's okay. I'm okay with that. So my need for intimacy is 100 fulfilled.

[Danielle]

Would you agree or no that your intimacy is 100?

[Adam]

Yes, because we're talking about me?

[Danielle]

I would hope so.

[Adam]

Would you think. You would think so, right?

[Danielle]

I don't know. I mean, maybe you have fantasies you haven't told me about, or we're in.

[Adam]

A place that, if I had one, I. I'd be so comfortable letting you know.

[Danielle]

Like, I mean, I'd like you to tell me some of your fan ideas.

[Adam]

I don't have any. You fulfilled them all.

[Danielle]

Okay. I guess that's good. Good.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

Completely fulfilled. So that's good, right?

[Danielle]

Yeah. That's awesome.

[Adam]

I'm at the point now where I need romance, too.

[Danielle]

Really?

[Adam]

And I gave you a 4.5, so that's good.

[Danielle]

Wait, really?

[Adam]

5 is the.

[Danielle]

Like, I don't even know that I've done it. Well, I have. I actually have been much more romantic than you have.

[Adam]

I wasn't comparing us. I was.

[Danielle]

I want to compare.

[Adam]

I feel like I've been more romantic than you have in the last little while. And that's why, like, I even said to you, like, am I too much? Am I annoying you now? Did you ask for, like, now?

[Danielle]

Oh, no. Romance was the one part that I said that we still need. You still need to really work on.

[Adam]

Really?

[Danielle]

Yeah. You're. You're. You're conflating romance with sweetness.

[Adam]

I think romance is number one. It can be a touch of intimacy. It can be sweetness. It can be providing you with things that I know you need without you having to ask me. It can be being there for you in ways that I just know you. Does that make sense?

[Danielle]

Amazing. In so many ways.

[Adam]

What would my. My romance score be?

[Danielle]

Oh, I didn't do that. See, I didn't do that. Romance to me, is different. You're giving me so many other things that you're doing so, so well.

[Adam]

That's romantic.

[Danielle]

No, I. To me, romance is different.

[Adam]

Okay, so it's personal for everybody. Right? So I guess your romance is different than mine.

[Danielle]

I guess so. I mean, look, there are things that you're doing to me that make you sexier than you've ever been to me, that make you more. I hate to even use this term. However, if I'm gonna be married to a man, I'm gonna use it more manly than you've ever been before. There were things, you know, when you weren't stepping up in certain ways that I was like, it's not attractive, by the way.

[Adam]

I think when you refer to somebody as being manly, that's such a compliment. Like, it's not. That's.

[Danielle]

Well, to you, I.

[Adam]

Right. I just Want to make sure that that still exists.

[Danielle]

Like, I don't know. But to me, that's. That to me, that's got to be one of the benefits of being married to a man, right? That they're giving you something that you couldn't get from a woman besides, obviously, a penis.

[Adam]

There's a way to be manly. That's not. What's the word? What's the term?

[Danielle]

That's not, like, misogynist.

[Adam]

Yes. Without being Massage.

[Danielle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam]

And that's where I've been trying to.

[Danielle]

Yes. And you have. You've done phenomenally well.

[Adam]

So. So I just don't. I want to make sure I can.

[Danielle]

I. I'm so sorry. Can I interrupt? Because I want to read. I did it on Instagram. I put it on Instagram. The text that you sent the kids before we left for Disney. You are, like, now. I mean, people want. Tons of women want you to be their husbands and everything, and they're sort of like, does he have a brother? Does he have a. And, you know, my response is always like, this is new. Okay. This isn't something that he's been doing forever.

[Adam]

That's even more exciting.

[Danielle]

This has taken more excitable. Yeah. Taken a really long time. Like, I don't want people to think that, like, you know, this is something that they're not getting, because this is a man who just exists out there. And maybe there are men who exist out there, but this took a lot of work and pain and aggravation, and you did. You stepped up and. And, you know, I'll rem. I remember when we were back in, I don't know, 2019. So. What's that? Six years ago, we were on Jody Sweeten and Celia Behar's podcast, and we were talking about parenting, and, you know, and. And. And I was saying how my. My greatest wish in parenting was that you would. You know, people always joke about the dad who's, like, the kids are scared of. And he steps up and he's. You know, you don't talk to your mother like that and blah, blah, blah. And I never got any of that from you. It was good cop, bad cop, and I've always been the bad cop. And you've sort of always been like, you know, you're not home with them during the day. You don't understand the. The amount to which it is so fucking frustrating to ask kids again and again and again and again to try to be involved. Right. To try to do chores, to do their homework, to all the things. All Right. So I'm gonna read this. And you know, this to me was. Took far too long, but if this continues, like, you have no idea. This is the biggest turn on I've had in. All I have to do is think about this text and I'm like, wet, I swear. No, that's not. I mean, I'm really not kidding. It was, to me, the. One of the hottest things you've ever done. All right, so my preface for it on Instagram was, my family is leaving for Disney in a few days. This morning, my husband sent this text to my three teenagers. And honestly, I can't think of anything that's more of a turn off, turn on at this stage of life for me than this. Your text to them was, anything you're going to want to bring, you are in charge of not Mom. Do not ask where something is to take care. Take care of it today. The house needs to be cleaned before we leave. All dishes need to be cleaned and put away today. Use paper and plastic stuff today and tomorrow. Anything else mom needs, you do need you to do, you do today. If you want to have a great and fun trip, make sure you do this. If mom tells me any of you are not doing your part, you will not be having a magical time in Disney. I promise. When you sent that, I was like. I couldn't speak. I was like that. Had he done this 15 fucking years ago, you know me as. I never would have, never, never. Our relationship would be so. It would have been so different. Our connection and the way we interacted would have been so. And how simple was this, right?

[Adam]

Like, I was nothing. I was at work and I was just like, it popped in my head.

[Danielle]

But I have. I had been. I have been wanting and begging for this for years, right? Like, this to me was, look, I know how to be the mom, right? I know how to handle the emotional stuff and make sure that they're getting the therapy they need and the tutors that they need and all this stuff. Again, if you're going to be married to a man, there's a part of me that was like, I can't instill the fear in them. Like. Like, I need a partner who's going to, you know, I yell all the time, which is I. Which is, I know, not a great thing, but they don't take me seriously.

[Adam]

But I think that's why maybe. No, it is. It is. Why?

[Danielle]

So you don't think that a father would be more. Would be more intimidating than a mom? You were more intimidated by your dad than you were your mom.

[Adam]

Possibly, but, I mean, my mom was.

[Danielle]

Scary, and I was still more intimidated.

[Adam]

But you're different. Like, you know, because, like you just said, you're yelling all the time. You're asking for things all the time.

[Danielle]

Because I don't have any support now. I do.

[Adam]

But. But, see, you're using my family as an example. Neither did my mom because my dad was at work all the time, so it wasn't like that.

[Danielle]

You were. So there was never a. Dad's gonna be home.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

I never had that with you.

[Adam]

Right?

[Danielle]

Never. And again, I feel like that needs to be a perk. Like, that needs to be something that is part of the support. Like, you don't treat your mother like that. And if you do. And look, this could be a lesbian relationship, a gay relationship. I don't care. One partner needs to step up for the other and be like you don't with them. They are my first priority, and I'm gonna step up. And I never got that, you know, so.

[Adam]

Before.

[Danielle]

Yes, before.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

So when you sent that text, it was such a monumental, amazing moment for me, and I think, you know, and then we were leaving for Disney and all in Disney. I was just like, you know, I wanted to just be with you 24 7. Like, I just wanted.

[Adam]

But you didn't.

[Danielle]

Why? I didn't want to be at the parks with you. I wanted to be, like, in bed with you. But, you know, it's such something that's so simple, and yet for me, it was so hard to achieve with you.

[Adam]

And the problem is too, like, for quite some time now, I do that with them when you're not around when I speak to them.

[Danielle]

I don't know if you've read through the comments. I guess it has. You know, I got a. Find it again.

[Adam]

Just send me their contact information.

[Danielle]

It has. In case it has over 65, 000 likes. This is three weeks ago. 65, 000 likes. And, you know, 24, 000 shares. And the comments are all, does he have a brother? You know, like, that's so weird because.

[Adam]

Like, like you said, it was a nothing thing.

[Danielle]

Like, because we can't get our husbands to do it. Women cannot get their husbands to do it.

[Adam]

That was. That was part of romance for some reason.

[Danielle]

Well, all right, all right. But I'll talk about romance later.

[Adam]

Okay. But I'll talk about appreciation later. Right, because that was your thing about appreciation. So I guess I can use that. Right? So my appreciation score for you was a 3.7.

[Danielle]

Really? 3.7. Okay.

[Adam]

I was thinking 3.8, and then I'm 3.6, and then I settled on 3.7.

[Danielle]

Yeah, it's like gratitude, appreciation. Okay, can you explain it?

[Adam]

Well, yeah. So it's the same thing of everything that you're saying. You're home with the kids. I don't see it. I'm at work. I don't know what's going on with you during the day. Like, I don't appreciate the things that you do because I'm not there. I don't understand. I don't know. Unless you tell me on the opposite end of it, like, all the things that I do that you have no idea. And this goes back to what you were saying before. If you left me, you'd be fine. Where I say, no, you wouldn't. You don't know how to. You know how to run a household. You don't know how to run a house. You don't know how to run the. The day to day. You don't know how. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're good. Like I said, you with the kids, a hundred percent. You could raise them without me. Anybody.

[Danielle]

All my girlfriends who are divorced could teach me.

[Adam]

Okay. Okay. So what I'm saying is, with the knowledge that you have today, you have no idea what I do. Right. This goes back to the episode number two of this five. Five.

[Danielle]

The fighting episode.

[Adam]

No, the. What's it called? The we we don't appreciate. Yeah.

[Danielle]

Oh, that was like 80 or 88 or something.

[Adam]

Oh, it was.

[Danielle]

I thought it was way longer, but we did the fighting episode, which is like our fifth episode, which we didn't know the term, the mental load at the time, so we just called fighting him.

[Adam]

Yes, the whole mental load mentality. Right. Like you have no idea or appreciation because you don't know what I do to keep this household in order. Right. To. To make sure that things are taken care of here that you don't even know that I do. What. What are you doing?

[Danielle]

I told you.

[Adam]

Oh, I'm sorry. Right. So I th. And it's been, I need more help. I need more help. I need you to do this. I need you. And I never get to ask you. I need more help. I need you to do some things that I do that you have no idea that I do. Right. So I think that needs to. And I think a lot of guys feel this way because they. It's kind. This. I think our situation is very similar, possibly to the norms out there. To the way what the wives do versus what the husbands do. Right. So. So.

[Danielle]

So, like, how could I show more appreciation for that?

[Adam]

Well, I guess by. By saying less. You need more things taken off of your plate because you have too much and you need my help for it. Where. I never get to do that with you. Like.

[Danielle]

Like what?

[Adam]

You never. Great example. Right? Like, we just got it. We just got a ticket because it snowed and I wasn't home because I was out for work and so I wasn't there to shovel the driveway. So we got a ticket. Or the walkway in front of our house.

[Danielle]

16 year old boy who 100% could shovel the driveway.

[Adam]

You would have no idea. You have no idea that you're supposed to go do that.

[Danielle]

That's because I don't check the bail.

[Adam]

That's a small example. If I left today, would you pay the bills? What bills? Who? What companies? What insurance? What? All those things, you know, Would you change the light bulbs? What are the light bulbs that we use? What are the. All those little things? Like, it's a day to day thing.

[Danielle]

Okay, but women do it all the time. I mean, every woman who leaves their male partner.

[Adam]

You figure it out. Yeah, Right. Of course. Right. Absolutely. I just don't think it would be an easy transition for you.

[Danielle]

Absolutely not.

[Adam]

I'm just saying I don't think you realize how much more there is than you know.

[Danielle]

That's okay.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

That's fair.

[Adam]

Yeah. Oh, thank you.

[Danielle]

I. I think that's fair.

[Adam]

Okay. I really appreciate that.

[Danielle]

I mean, I think I've tried to be very supportive.

[Adam]

You saying that is like my text to the kids. I'm wet.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

Let'S take another break.

[Danielle]

Okay, but. And we'll just do you. We've just done you, so we'll keep doing.

[Adam]

I'm not even. We only got the three of them.

[Danielle]

I know. So we'll do you this time. We'll do me next episode.

[Adam]

Oh, okay. Yeah, but I want to keep going. It's fun.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

All right. Be right back. This is Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad. This episode is sponsored by Boost Mobile, the newest 5G network in the country. With compelling deals for new lines, Boost Mobile makes it easy to switch. Today, Boost Mobile is no longer that prepaid wireless company. You remember, they've invested billions into building their own 5G towers across America. With Boost Mobile's networks, customers enjoy the speed and service they'd expect from the big three. Plus groundbreaking benefits you'd only get from a true challenger of the industry. Boost Mobile will let you try the network risk free for 30 days. So visit your nearest Boost mobile store or find us [e-mail] today. The Apple, Samsung or Google and Qual Care Condition Solo and Verizon.

[Danielle]

Okay, I would love to know how could I show you more appreciation for all that? Like, what would be meaningful to you?

[Adam]

I think, Well, I guess it's already happened because it's, it's been for so long. Like, I need help with this. I need help with this. You know, like all the things that you need help with, you need my support for or things for me to do without realizing there's so much I'm already doing.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

Right. So just the understanding of there's so much that I do that you're not aware of and I never ask for help from you. Okay, right. So that, that's a big thing. Right? It goes back to what I was saying before. Like, I, I, I don't get to say to you, okay, I need help with these things. I need help, you know, I need more help. I need you to take care of that. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like. What?

[Danielle]

Yeah, no, it's, it's, it is very hard because there was a long, long time where there was a lot of stuff that you were not helping me with that I was asking for, and it was far beyond parenting.

[Adam]

I agree with you. That's why I'm saying now today, where if I heard it today, it might be an issue.

[Danielle]

Well, but you can't make me afraid to ask you to step up in certain ways.

[Adam]

Okay, but I, maybe, but it has to be mutually.

[Danielle]

Sure. That's why I asked you. What do you, what would you do more from, for me?

[Adam]

Okay, that's fair.

[Danielle]

That's why I asked you.

[Adam]

Okay.

[Danielle]

So I feel like how can I make you feel more appreciated in those set ways?

[Adam]

Okay. So I guess I need to get over that hump of I haven't been there in the past and all the things that you've needed me to be where I feel like I am now.

[Danielle]

I think, I think, I feel like the romance part I think is really the biggest with me. But we'll get into that next week.

[Adam]

Oh, I'm excited.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

I want to do the thing. So I'm excited to hear.

[Danielle]

Well, I hope so.

[Adam]

Well, no, honestly, I say that not just to be, you know, funny or, you know, whatever, but I think our.

[Danielle]

Our ideas of romance are I think maybe our biggest diff. Differentiating.

[Adam]

Let me know what yours are and we'll, you know, we'll figure it out.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

But for my idea of romance, where I've been trying to step up and.

[Danielle]

Do all those things, that's intimacy, which has been phenomenal.

[Adam]

I don't think. I don't think it's just intimacy. I think it's been way more than that. That. I think it's been more of showing you my emotional connection to you. I think it's been a lot of those things. Not just sex. Not just, you know, physical touch, not saying the things and saying. And it's making me feel good. Like I. I feel better doing those things for you, but for me too.

[Danielle]

I think romance has a. An element of novelty to it.

[Adam]

But wait, they want to save that for.

[Danielle]

Yeah, but I'm just saying, I think that everything you're talking about is very emotion based, which is wonderful.

[Adam]

No, it's both.

[Danielle]

No, I think that romance for us, you know, if you look, if you read a romance novel, you would probably roll your eyes and think to yourself, this is ridiculous. You know, lots women are obsessed now with. I mean, there's whole bookstores in New York. It's always been, no, now it's really. I think women are sort of like, same thing as me. Like, fuck this. I want what I want. And time is of the essence. And I'm either gonna get it or I'm not. And if I'm gonna get it from this person, then they need to step up. And I think that there's an element of novelty in romance that men don't understand, that there's a novelty of. Okay, it's. This is just a fairy tale dream.

[Adam]

Okay.

[Danielle]

I was gonna actually succumb to that.

[Adam]

I was gonna ask you that. Yeah, because is.

[Danielle]

To succumb to it is part of it.

[Adam]

Do you read novels? Because it is a fantasy. Because it is like the perfect situation. The perfect man, the perfect.

[Danielle]

I would have thought that a lot of the stuff that I was asking, I couldn't get it from you was not real.

[Adam]

Well, that's. I'm glad you said that because, like, it. Are the. I never read one, so I don't know. We have to be realistic too, right? Like, men should be a certain way to their wives. Right? Same way I feel like wives should be a certain way to their husbands.

[Danielle]

No, I don't think it's asking for too much.

[Adam]

No, no, I. I didn't say asking too much. I. Is. Are these novels? Are these. Are they.

[Danielle]

I don't read them and I still want what I want.

[Adam]

I Mean, I think it's a book and a novel. Because it's a book.

[Danielle]

See, you always say that, and I think it's. I think that's. So you always say that about, like, the Notebook and this and that, and that's what's ruining relationships. Why not step into it and be like.

[Adam]

But I think I. I think I am.

[Danielle]

I'm not Way more than you have.

[Adam]

Yeah. I'm not. I'm not Ryan Gosling in the Notebook. I understand that. Is anybody. Is that realistic?

[Danielle]

Yes. I.

[Adam]

Is that real life is my point.

[Danielle]

Again, I'm going to say this. I'm going to say, if I'm being married to a man, these are my expectations. And.

[Adam]

But is it realistic? That's my question.

[Danielle]

Yeah. Why not? Why? What's not. I'm not asking you to, you know, take me to Paris and get me. Like, yeah, that'd be great.

[Adam]

But that's. That. That could be the theme of the novel.

[Danielle]

But like, saying. But also, like, on a weekend, like this weekend. We haven't had any weekends to ourselves. No weekends to do anything. And, like, you were like, okay, here are the options for tonight. We can, you know, stay in. We can. Blah, blah, blah. Like, instead of being like, I made reservations, here's where we're going. Get dressed up like. Like, this is what we're doing, and we're gonna. Then I'm taking you to a hotel, and I'm gonna wine and dine you.

[Adam]

And save this for.

[Danielle]

But, But. But it's a response to what you're saying. And that. No, I don't think that that is too much to ask at all. I think.

[Adam]

Yeah, but I don't think that's a premise of a novel. Right. Like, I don't think.

[Danielle]

Right, but. But you're not doing it. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's not. You're saying they're not. That's not a premise to a novel. But yet, like, we have. You said it's been six weeks or whatever, you still haven't taken me on, like, a proper date. You still haven't. Like, you're still. You know, it still feels like we're that couple who's been married how many years? 22 years. And, you know, the only way that I could get that is to start dating again. I don't want to start dating again. I want to have that with you. You know what I'm saying? If I had a new partner, a new.

[Adam]

So is that like your. That's your idea of romance? Right? So the. The man.

[Danielle]

I'll save it for next week takes.

[Adam]

Care of like that?

[Danielle]

No, because I did that for you. We went to see Interstellar. I saw that. The movie.

[Adam]

That was very romantic right away.

[Danielle]

I know. You know, I saw. Look, your. His. Your favorite movie is Interstellar. I saw somewhere that Interstellar was favorite.

[Adam]

But it's all right.

[Danielle]

One of them.

[Adam]

I just want to make sure that.

[Danielle]

Everybody's seen it 27, 000 times.

[Adam]

It's like number four.

[Danielle]

I saw that. This is way towards the beginning of when we were, like, connecting again. And I saw that a local, not very local, you know, half hour away, and IMAX was showing it for one night only. And I said, too. I was like, can you cancel anything and come home early? I want to take you to do something, you know? Is that my idea of romance, to go and do that? No, but I knew that would be your idea of romance. Right. That's the thing. Like, if I was gonna do something that satisfied my romance, that's not what we would do.

[Adam]

Okay.

[Danielle]

But that's the idea of romance is. I knew to you that would be something that was, you know, as romantic as you get. You know, as far as wanting romance, like, that's where I don't think you give a shit about romance. About, like, the surprises and this and that. But, like, I wanted to do that. I wanted to show you that I understood that, like, that would be something special to you.

[Adam]

And it was.

[Danielle]

And. Yeah.

[Adam]

Okay. Last one before we leave.

[Danielle]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Okay. Was things that I'm glad we got through.

[Danielle]

Did you get. Wait, did you get through all five?

[Adam]

I don't remember. I got intimacy. I got romance. Did I do support and encouragement?

[Danielle]

I don't know. Was that part of appreciation?

[Adam]

Yeah, I guess.

[Danielle]

Was that my 3.7?

[Adam]

No.

[Danielle]

Oh, what was support? Wait, I think I do a really good job of supporting.

[Adam]

You do?

[Danielle]

Oh, okay.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

I thought you were laughing.

[Adam]

No, you got a 4.4. That's good.

[Danielle]

Okay.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Danielle]

4.4.

[Adam]

Yeah. That's a good score out of five.

[Danielle]

What?

[Adam]

Can I.

[Danielle]

Wait, What?

[Adam]

Okay, so for that. So this could probably be a whole nother episode.

[Danielle]

Everything could be a whole other episode.

[Adam]

I know. Support and encouragement. Right? So great example of that. Right? So these are all intertwined. Right? So they're all, you know, where my head is now is where I want to do everything for us as a family, for you, for our kids. Right. Me last. That's where I am. So, you know, obviously. So as you know, I've been looking to start this new business venture and, like, do new things and, like, get us into a position of financial security and, you know, things that, you know, we. Whatever we can do for us as a family. Right. And you've been so supportive, you've been so encouraging. You've been doing all the things you are. 100%. I'm gonna give you a 4. 5 instead of a 4. 4, now that I think about it. But there's always this other thing where it's like. I think it's because, number one, I'm very ADHD and I'm very hardcore focused. And when I get my mind set on this thing, that's where I am. Right. So there's that other thing where you're like, is that all he's going to talk about? All these.

[Danielle]

Yes, do.

[Adam]

Is that. And then what about the podcast? What about whatever else? What about, like, don't forget those things?

[Danielle]

Because I've always felt like there was something that's kept me in second place.

[Adam]

What?

[Danielle]

I've always felt all these years, like there was something that kept me in second place.

[Adam]

Oh, so you think you're a second place to this?

[Danielle]

Correct.

[Adam]

Okay. To me, you've been so amazingly involved in this.

[Danielle]

Yeah, I'm trying.

[Adam]

I'm so, like, I feel like this new venture is an us thing.

[Danielle]

So why am I getting 1.5?

[Adam]

Your. Your. Your 0.5 deduction comes from the fact of. It's like I feel the. And maybe an annoyance or a. Well, you know, you haven't talked about the podcast. You haven't done, like, it's always. But this.

[Danielle]

Because you're an all or nothing person.

[Adam]

That's what I'm saying. Because of my age.

[Danielle]

So I shouldn't get a 4.5 for that?

[Adam]

No, you should.

[Danielle]

No, I shouldn't. Because you should get a 4.5 for this.

[Adam]

Okay, I'll take a 4. 4. It's fine.

[Danielle]

You get a 3. 5.

[Adam]

But like, I get so involved and intense and full force and a hundred thousand percent.

[Danielle]

That's. That's also an issue.

[Adam]

Okay, not to me.

[Danielle]

Right. I know, but that's not fair.

[Adam]

I didn't say it was fair. I'm just like, I'm giving you my score based upon me and the way I feel. Not what you deserve, the way you feel. No, but when I am. When. When I'm doing this for the reasons, for. For us. Right. Like, I am trying to put all the pieces in place and make everything good for us and do all the things for us as a family. Right. And so that's where I focus, because that's the most important. That's the biggest thing for us as a family.

[Danielle]

Also, because you can't multitask.

[Adam]

Yeah. I put friends on while I'm on my computer, but I don't have one. Watch. All right, so. So I think a four. I think a four, five is good.

[Danielle]

I. That's ridiculous. I think for that one. That's the only one I'm gonna say. Absolutely not.

[Adam]

No, but honestly. No, no. In all real. In all realistic expectations here, you've. I. I think you've been outstanding.

[Danielle]

Thank you.

[Adam]

The support and the. I've been trying and. And. And the enthusiasm. Not the enthusiasm, the involvement. Like, you're. You're. You're involved more with this than anything.

[Danielle]

Because you've stepped up in all the ways I need.

[Adam]

Okay, That's.

[Danielle]

That's it.

[Adam]

Four, seven.

[Danielle]

That's why. Honestly, that is. The thing is that all those years, you were sort of like you. I'm gonna step up in the ways I want, and I have the upper hand, so I can do that.

[Adam]

That makes sense.

[Danielle]

And now you're. You know, that whole upper hand thing. Oh, my God. That ruined our relationship.

[Adam]

Yeah, no, that makes sense.

[Danielle]

And now you're, you know, you're very much like, I want you to have the best life you can as opposed to resenting me at every turn.

[Adam]

All right. All right, I think we're done. Wow. That's a long one.

[Danielle]

Mm.

[Adam]

Who are you texting?

[Danielle]

My mom. All right, guys, so next week is the what I need slash Valentine's Day romance episode.

[Adam]

Should be solo. What should you do, like a solo episode for that?

[Danielle]

That'll be really productive. No, I want you to hear every word, and I want every husband to hear every word.

[Adam]

I swear to you. I want to hear it.

[Danielle]

Good.

[Adam]

I swear to you.

[Danielle]

Good.

[Adam]

I do.

[Danielle]

Good. Okay, listen, I know you're. You're. You're at 47. You have matured. It only took 22 years, but you're coming around.

[Adam]

Listen, just because women mature at 30 and men mature at 30.

[Danielle]

12. I was matured at 12.

[Adam]

I wouldn't call you mature.

[Danielle]

Maybe not responsible.

[Adam]

All right, guys, thanks.

[Danielle]

All right, Love you.

[Adam]

Have a good night.

[Danielle]

Bye. It sa.

[Adam]

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