Podcast Summary: Marriage and Martinis – "What Does Adam REALLY Need?"

Release Date: January 27, 2025
Hosts: Danielle & Adam

Introduction: Revisiting Family Dynamics and Recent Challenges

In the episode titled "What Does Adam REALLY Need?", Danielle and Adam delve deep into the intricacies of their marriage, shedding light on both personal and relational challenges they face. The conversation kicks off as Danielle reflects on their recent family trip to Disney, highlighting the multifaceted experiences that went beyond mere vacation fun.

Danielle opens the discussion by sharing her feelings about high expectations during family vacations. She remarks, "I think family vacations should always be. The expectations, I think are always so high." (01:04). This sets the tone for their candid exploration of personal needs and marital dynamics.

The Disney Trip: More Than Just a Vacation

Adam recounts the trip, emphasizing that it became more of his personal getaway rather than a family-oriented experience. He states, "The trip really turned out to be for me and not Jonah and Ian." (02:22). Danielle counters by highlighting the importance of involving teenagers by saying, "I highly recommend allowing your teenagers to bring a friend on vacation... especially your kid, who has 15 times more energy than anybody else in your family." (02:58).

The hosts discuss logistical aspects, such as staying at a resort instead of a Disney property to save costs and ensure comfort, especially when dealing with illness during the trip. Adam humorously notes, "We didn't get our money's worth this time, but, you know, it was an experience." (04:18). They both agree that traveling with teenagers offers a different dynamic, allowing for more independence and reducing the need for constant parental supervision.

Navigating a Volatile Relationship

Transitioning from their vacation experiences, Danielle and Adam open up about the volatility in their marriage over the past year. Danielle shares, "It’s been a little over a year since we did the episode of when is the last straw. Right. Which was really the start of a really hard time in our relationship where I was very, very much thinking about leaving." (08:04). This period was marked by frequent thoughts of separation and questioning the sustainability of their relationship.

Adam acknowledges the strain, mentioning his demanding work schedule and the lack of availability to nurture their relationship. He says, "We were away for a week and I... look, I don't know. I didn't even. If you want to talk about it or not." (02:24). Danielle emphasizes the roller-coaster nature of their relationship, describing it as "a funny, heartfelt, shocking, embarrassing, and completely inappropriate facet of marriage and parenting." (09:00).

Addressing Individual Needs: Intimacy, Romance, and Appreciation

A significant portion of the episode focuses on delineating the individual needs within their marriage. Danielle initiates a structured conversation about what each partner needs, encouraging a frank and open dialogue. She prompts Adam, "What do we both need? Because I do think that our needs are very different." (12:33).

Intimacy:
Adam rates his need for intimacy as fully satisfied, stating, "My need for intimacy is 100 fulfilled." (27:00). However, Danielle challenges this by suggesting, "I'd like you to tell me some of your fantasy ideas." (27:42). Adam clarifies his perspective on intimacy, associating it with emotional connections beyond physical aspects.

Romance:
The conversation shifts to romance, with Danielle expressing a desire for more intentional romantic gestures. She notes, "I think romance for us, you know, if you look, if you read a romance novel, you would probably roll your eyes and think to yourself, this is ridiculous." (29:12). Adam counters by questioning the realism of romantic ideals found in novels, leading to a discussion about balancing fantasy with practical relationship dynamics.

Danielle emphasizes the importance of novelty in romance, arguing that Adam's actions, albeit well-intentioned, lack the element of surprise and intentionality she seeks. She recounts, "I wanted to show you that I understood that, like, that would be something special to you." (52:22), highlighting moments where she felt Adam's efforts fell short of her romantic expectations.

Appreciation and Support:
The hosts also tackle the theme of appreciation, with Adam rating his appreciation for Danielle at 3.7 out of 5. He expresses frustration over feeling unappreciated due to his limited presence at home: "You're home with the kids. I don't see it. I'm at work. I don't know what's going on with you during the day." (38:19). Danielle reflects on feeling sidelined and undervalued, stating, "I've always felt like something keeps me in second place." (55:11).

Adam defends himself by highlighting the unseen efforts he makes to maintain the household, leading to a tense yet necessary conversation about mutual appreciation and the hidden burdens each partner carries.

Concluding Reflections and Future Directions

As the episode nears its end, Danielle and Adam acknowledge the progress they've made in addressing their needs but also recognize the ongoing work required to sustain their relationship. Danielle hints at continuing the discussion on romance in future episodes, emphasizing the depth and complexity of their marital journey.

She concludes with, "So next week is the what I need slash Valentine's Day romance episode." (58:33), signaling an ongoing commitment to exploring and improving their marriage.

Notable Quotes:

• "The expectations, I think are always so high." — Danielle (01:04)

• "The trip really turned out to be for me and not Jonah and Ian." — Adam (02:22)

• "Our relationship would be so different." — Danielle (34:36)

• "My need for intimacy is 100 fulfilled." — Adam (27:00)

• "I think romance for us...this is ridiculous." — Danielle (29:12)

• "You could handle that 100%." — Adam (21:46)

• "This is a man who just exists out there." — Danielle (35:59)

Conclusion

In "What Does Adam REALLY Need?", Danielle and Adam offer listeners an unfiltered look into the challenges and triumphs of their marriage. Through honest conversations about intimacy, romance, appreciation, and mutual support, they highlight the complexities of maintaining a healthy relationship amidst personal growth and external pressures. This episode serves as both a reflection and a roadmap for couples navigating similar marital dynamics, emphasizing the importance of open communication and continuous effort in sustaining love and partnership.