Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

Ep 576 – Crack Mobile (feat. Joe List & Nate Marshall)

Date: September 10, 2025
Guests: Joe List, Nate Marshall

Episode Overview

This episode of "Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast" features comedians Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis, joined by Joe List and Nate Marshall. The crew riff on a wide variety of topics, from flying with kids and viral sports moments to ethnic humor, adolescent misadventures, selling drugs as teens, health anxieties, breaking up, social dynamics, and everything in between. The tone remains loose, irreverent, and highly comedic, with personal stories and characteristic banter throughout.

Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

1. Flying with Kids and First Class Babies

(00:59 – 03:38)

• Joe List describes traveling constantly with his family, revealing his son has “flown almost exclusively first class…Delta Diamond” (01:13).
• They joke about reactions to children in first class:
  • “People smile at the child in first class and then other people, like, come almost grimace…” – Shane (01:29)
• Shane shares strategies for getting kids settled on flights and the struggle of splitting rows when families board late.
• Nate brings up the online debate about whether passengers should switch seats for parents with children.

Notable Quote:

"Once you get over your kid crying loudly on a plane. I don't care if my kid screams and cries. I'm like…and I know people hate that, but it's like, grow the fuck up." — Shane Gillis, (02:58)

2. Viral Sports Moments and Adult Childishness

(03:48 – 12:07)

• The group discusses viral moments where adults catch balls at games and whether you’re morally obliged to give them to kids.
• Joe tells stories of giving caught shirts and balls to children to feel like a “million bucks” (04:19).
• Discussion of viral "bad behavior": a woman who got booed for demanding a caught ball, doxxings, and internet justice.
• They laugh at the absurdities and judge how they'd react (and fantasize about being the viral hero).

Notable Quote:

"I want to catch a foul ball just so I can give it to a kid and go viral." — Joe List, (04:19)

3. The Decline of Ethnic (Polish) Jokes, Stereotypes & Origins

(12:01 – 16:25)

• They reflect on the disappearing popularity of Polish jokes and ethnic stereotyping in their childhoods.
• Polish jokes' possible roots in Archie Bunker’s "All in the Family" are discussed (14:24).
• A running riff on the claim that Polish men have the “fattest dicks out of all the world,” with Matt laughing at the word “fat” vs. “thick” (13:25).
• Joe and Shane ruminate on the history and fading of specific ethnic humor — leading to thoughts about how white subgroups only differentiated for them after becoming comedians.

Notable Quote:

"I actually heard Polish people have not the biggest, but the fattest dicks out of all the world." — Shane Gillis (13:19)

4. Jewish Stereotypes, Admiration, and Comedy

(16:20 – 22:17)

• Nate and Shane discuss growing up not differentiating between white subgroups until entering comedy, especially the nuances of Jewish identity (16:05).
• Shane expresses admiration for Jewish frugality, noting even his dad “would always be like, I love Jewish people… I love how they operate with their money” (17:58).
• Extended bit about examining religion, stereotypes, and who are the “funniest ethnic groups” (20:37). Jews and Black people are agreed as pound-for-pound the funniest (“It’s between Jews and black people, I feel like…” — Matt, 20:41).

Notable Quote:

"If you can hide it a little bit, then you’re not, you know." — Nate Bargatze (16:12)

5. High School & Life Stories: Relationships, Sex, Hall Passes, Heartbreak

(33:21 – 45:58)

• Discussion about “hall pass” fantasies and how couples navigate those awkward conversations (“All that is a waste of energy” — Shane, paraphrased, 34:01).
• The guys share awkward breakup stories, what it’s like to break up with someone vs. being dumped, and adolescent anxieties over cheating and sex.
• Long, funny digressions about “crush regrets” and missed signals in high school.

Notable Quote:

"I think most guys cheat with like a less attractive woman…that way if you get caught, you could be like, 'she's a pig!'" — Joe List, (35:21)

6. Teenage Crime & 'Crack Mobile' Saga

(49:56 – 53:50)

• Nate recounts being sent as a teen to sell crack for older friends — and a disastrous attempt involving a brakeless bicycle, leading to the eponymous "crack mobile" accident:
  • “So I had to, I took the crack and I took their bike…realized…brakes don’t work. So I’m going to sell crack and then I can't stop...” — Nate, (50:18)
  • Two Puerto Rican guys in a car point and laugh as he wipes out, but Nate still completes the crack sale.
• Shane jokes about starting a nonprofit to fix the brakes on young drug dealer’s bikes (51:32).

Notable Quote:

"I want to start a non-profit that repairs young kids who sell crack's bicycles. Just make sure the brakes are good…" — Shane Gillis, (51:32)

7. Drugs, Anxiety, and Health Obsessions

(53:50 – 58:09)

• Shane and Joe share their total avoidance of cocaine and intense anxiety around heart issues (“All my anxiety…is all like, I associate with heart…my heart will explode. I'll die here.” — Joe, 53:55).
• They poke fun at fitness influencer advice (Huberman), dubious life extension stats, and online health trends like “grip strength" and weird Internet longevity hacks.

Notable Quote:

"Exercise is good for your heart, but having stress is bad for your heart, but they both cause your heart to race. So shouldn't having a panic attack be good for you?" — Joe List, (54:22)

8. Parenting, Food Choices, and the “Health Poster” Lifestyle

(59:01 – 62:42)

• The guys detail their less-than-healthy eating (Matt's extensive fast food and queso habits), rationalize it with working out, and describe balancing “yin and yang” diets of smoothies and junk food.
• Group commiserates on gaining weight, dead bods, and the modern health information overload for parents.

Notable Quote:

"Sometimes the baby goes, Dad, you're so exhausted that I'm like, just give me some [McDonald's]." — Joe List, (61:03)

9. Autism, OCD, and Diagnostic Overreach

(63:16 – 66:15)

• Shane notes that “90% of autistic adults are undiagnosed,” but Joe pushes back on the casual use of the label, sharing family experience with severe autism (63:59).
• They talk about blending lines between diagnoses—ADHD, OCD, autism—and how these identities are now almost aspirational for young people.
• Joe discusses his moderate OCD, including odd habits and rituals.

Notable Quote:

"Now people are like…they use it, it's like a virtue to have [OCD]. I'm like, embarrassed." — Joe List, (65:45)

10. Social Frame, Masculinity, & Being Out of Place

(80:07 – 88:04)

• Shane describes "frame" — a Red Pill/alpha concept about never letting others dictate your actions or demeanor, including whether you lean into your wife in photos.
• The crew debates social power, frame-holding in marriage and extended family (particularly in-law dynamics).
• Hilarious, real stories about being the only white guy at a black social gathering, the awkwardness, and the “nightmare scenario” of being numerically outnumbered by people who don’t look like you.

Notable Quote:

"I'm getting better at this, man. I swear to God. It's a skill…like a weird thing to be like…the worst nightmare it is." — Shane Gillis (83:26)

11. Parental Woes, Podcast Legacy & Internet Immortality

(69:01 – 71:42)

• Speculation on how today’s digital footprints will live forever, including future generations seeing your web history, porn habits, and podcasts.
• Joking about "Covenant Eyes," an app that parents use to monitor kids for viewing adult content, and the awkwardness it would create.

Notable Quote:

"Everything you've ever jerked off to is going to your kids, your kids' kids." — Shane Gillis (69:40)

Notable Quotes Recap

• “Once you get over your kid crying loudly on a plane. I don't care…grow the fuck up.” — Shane, (02:58)
• “I want to catch a foul ball just so I can give it to a kid and go viral.” — Joe List, (04:19)
• “I actually heard Polish people have not the biggest, but the fattest dicks out of all the world.” — Shane, (13:19)
• “I think most guys cheat with like a less attractive woman…that way if you get caught, you could be like, 'she's a pig!'” — Joe, (35:21)
• “I want to start a non-profit that repairs young kids who sell crack's bicycles…” — Shane, (51:32)
• "Ignorance is bliss when it comes to the health stuff. It'll probably fuck you up 20 years before if you start worrying about it now." — Matt, (57:19, paraphrased)
• “Everything you've ever jerked off to is going to your kids, your kids' kids.” — Shane, (69:40)
• "I'm getting better at this, man. I swear to God. It's a skill...the worst nightmare it is." — Shane, (83:26)

Episode Highlights By Timestamp

• 00:59–03:38: Flying with kids, first class babies, judgmental passengers
• 03:48–07:17: Viral sports ball disputes, the ethics of sharing
• 12:01–16:25: Polish jokes, ethnic humor's decline
• 16:20–22:17: Differentiating whites & Jews, comedy cultures
• 33:21–45:58: Hall passes, breakups, high school heartbreaks
• 49:56–53:50: Nate's “crack mobile” story & teenage crime
• 53:50–58:09: Drugs, health anxiety, and fitness influencer cynicism
• 59:01–62:42: Food choices, parenting, “yin and yang” diet
• 63:16–66:15: Autism & OCD talk
• 80:07–88:04: Frame, masculinity, in-law domination & being a social outsider
• 69:01–71:42: Digital legacy, porn monitoring apps
• 83:26–88:04: Social discomfort at black parties

Closing Remarks & Plugs

(91:22–92:28)

• Joe List promotes his YouTube specials; Shane and Nate plug shows (Optimum Noctis, Helium Atlanta).

Tone & Style

Casual, mischievous, and deeply irreverent, the episode features unpredictable tangents, vivid storytelling, and jokes that push boundaries while exposing vulnerability, embarrassment, and the quirks of modern life.

For Listeners Who Missed It

"Crack Mobile" is quintessential Matt and Shane — wide-ranging, unscripted, and surprisingly thoughtful beneath the biting humor. The trio's banter moves from the perils of child travel and the shame of viral fails, to dissecting social conventions, navigating relationships, revisiting high school trauma, and reflecting on the weirdness of the modern world, aging, and digital immortality...all while making each other (and the audience) howl with laughter.