Hey there, effendi! Check out these incredible bargains we have here at the Max, Mike; Market! Fabulous antiquities, shah! Look here, very rare: Attila the Hun’s hernia truss! Never before seen outside a museum . . . wait, don’t go, emir! My partner and I can see you are one of great discernment and taste, so feast your star-like eyes on this! Yes, that’s right! Socrates’ first iPhone case! You know, some fools don’t believe this even exists, pasha! And here! Marie Antoinette’s personal nose-hair trimmer! No, no, clearly that’s not right for . . . oh. Wait . . . maybe . . . we’ve been saving this for someone special! Behold! The Topkapi dagger! Last seen in the “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup” collection, lost for decades! This glorious treasure has been handled by the likes of Maximilian Schell and Peter Ustinov themselves! Look at the artistry! Look at those magnificent emeralds . . . wait, don’t touch . . . um, what’s that, agha? Why, everyone knows that the best emeralds are sticky! No, no, they’re definitely not Jolly Ranchers that have been carved to look like . . . wait, come back! Dang it, there goes another one . . . this is your fault, you ninny! I told you the dagger market is depressed! Hah? No, I don’t want to try to sell this . . . what did you call it? “The Orlov Diamond”? Huh, never heard of it. Toss it on the heap with that covenant arch or whatever that guy with the whip called it and let’s try to do some real business.

Poll question: Other than cash, what target of a movie heist would you most like to have for your own? Leave a comment or drop a dime on someone at our Hotline: 617-398-7266