Maxwell Leadership Podcast

Episode: It's Not About You: Leadership, Communication, and Putting Others First

Host: John Maxwell (with Mark Cole & Chris Goede)
Release Date: January 14, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, John Maxwell delivers a powerful lesson on the critical leadership principle: “It’s not about you—it’s all about others.” The conversation explores the evolution from self-focused to others-focused leadership, emphasizing why great leaders, communicators, and organizations center their actions on the people they serve. Practical examples, candid stories, and memorable quotes bring this message to life, offering listeners both inspiration and actionable strategies for transformational leadership.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Foundational Principle: It’s Not About You

• John Maxwell shares the best leadership advice he ever received: “Life’s not about you. And maybe another way to say it that’s a little nastier is just get over yourself.” [02:03]
  • Immaturity is self-focus; maturity is seeing from others’ perspectives.
  • Crucial moment from college: John’s father teaches him the value of humility after a group disagreement.
  • Quote: “The day you become a great communicator…and start the step of learning greatness in communication is when you get over yourself.” [03:35]

2. Lessons From Experts Outside Leadership

• Jerry Seinfeld’s advice on communication: [04:12]

  • “If you’re doing it for them—the audience—you’ll be fine. If you’re doing it for you, that could be problematic...because they’ll know it, they’ll feel it, and they won’t like it.”
  • Application: Both leaders and communicators must make it about their audience, not themselves.

• Zig Ziglar’s pivotal advice:

  • “If you’ll help people get what they want, they’ll help you get what you want.” [05:35]
  • Led John Maxwell to pivot from self-centered leadership to others-focused value creation.

• Jeff Bezos and Amazon’s growth:

  • Credited “obsessive compulsive focus on the customer”—placing people absolutely first in every decision. [07:00]

3. The Boomerang Effect of Value Creation

• Prioritize adding value to others without expectation—value will return like a boomerang.
• Examples described:
  • Sales: If clients trust your motives, they'll return.
  • Management: Leading with kindness earns extra effort and growth.
  • Speaking/Writing: When focused on helping readers/listeners, engagement increases naturally.
  • “It’s kind of like the golden rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated and all of a sudden it comes back to you.” [08:23]

4. Leadership in Practice: Humorous Self-Reflection

• Mark Cole roasts Chris for being late, building on the ‘it’s not about you’ theme [10:30]
  • The story illustrates how easy it is to slip into self-focus, even unintentionally, and how humility and humor foster stronger relationships.

5. The Motive: Influence vs. Manipulation

• Chris clarifies the line: Influence is about others; manipulation stems from self-serving motives. True, lasting influence only happens when you genuinely put others first. [12:00]
  • “There’s a very fine line between influence and manipulation. It’s called your motive.”

6. Relating Principle to Communication

• Memorable backstage story: When asked how he prepares to speak, John replied, “I’m thinking about what they need to hear.” [13:00]
• Chris recalls Mark’s memorable speech—starting in the audience, visually bridging the gap between the crowd and the stage—which deeply connected with people and illustrated that “the journey isn’t that far.” [14:20]

7. Growth From the Audience to the Stage

• Mark’s reflection on self-doubt and public speaking: [15:00]
  • Early focus on “I, I, I”—worry about performance, comparison with John Maxwell.
  • Breakthrough came from shifting focus to the audience’s needs.
• “Of all the times I’ve spoken, that still is the one people come up and talk about...because I finally did what John Maxwell’s been telling me…Quit making it about you, Mark. Make it about them.” [17:20]

8. The Power of Vulnerability in Leadership and Business

• Advice for network marketers & direct sellers: Don’t just share successes—sharing struggles connects and inspires others. Only highlighting wins breeds unrelatability and makes you “untouchable.” [21:00]

9. From Success to Significance

• Success should be measured by the growth of the people around you, not your own achievements. Intentional servant leadership is required for this shift. [22:40]

10. Mission Before Self: Equip and the Nonprofit Model

• Mark and John’s conversations on legacy: Equip’s global work is not about either of them—it’s about lasting impact and transformation that outlives their tenure. [24:40]
  • “There is no way John nor I can take any of that credit.” [27:03]

11. The Three Questions Every Follower Asks [29:00]

1. Do you care about me? (Relationship)

   • Leaders must know what makes their team thrive and what discourages them.

2. Can you help me? (Competence)

   • Leaders share from their own experiences to guide and uplift teams.

3. Can I trust you? (Character/Trust)

   • It takes a long time to build trust and moments to lose it. Authenticity is the accelerator.

   Chris’s Example:
   In courageous feedback conversations, he asks team members:

   • "Do you think I care about you?"
   • "Do you think I can help you?"
   • "Do you trust me?"
     This foundation helps ensure tough conversations are about the other person’s growth, not the leader’s authority. [41:17]

• Notable Quote: “When someone puts their trust in you, consider that the most valuable thing someone can give you. And do your best to protect it.” —Mark Cole [38:22]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• John Maxwell: “It’s not about you, it’s all about them.” [06:00]
• Jerry Seinfeld (quoted by John): “If you’re doing it for them…the audience—you’ll be fine. If you’re doing it for you, that could be problematic…because they’ll know it, they’ll feel it, and they won’t like it.” [04:12]
• Mark Cole: “Quit making it about you, Mark. Make it about them.” [17:20]
• Chris: “There’s a very fine line between influence and manipulation. It’s called your motive.” [12:19]
• Mark Cole: “The best communicators are the ones that make it about the audience, not about them. The best leaders are not the heroes—it’s the ones that know how to make heroes in the audience.” [18:10]
• Chris: “Everybody…wants to be seen, valued, and heard, period.” [20:00]
• Mark Cole: “When someone puts their trust in you, consider that the most valuable thing someone can give you. And do your best to protect it.” [38:22]

Important Timestamps

• [02:02] John’s opening—“Life’s not about you. Get over yourself.”
• [04:12] Jerry Seinfeld on communication—“If you’re doing it for them…”
• [05:35] Zig Ziglar’s advice—“Help people get what they want…”
• [07:00] Amazon’s customer obsession as a leadership lesson.
• [10:30] Mark’s playful story about Chris being late.
• [12:19] The distinction between influence vs. manipulation—motives matter.
• [13:00] John’s backstage story—focus on what the audience needs.
• [14:20] Mark’s speech starting in the audience.
• [17:20] Mark describes his transformation as a communicator.
• [21:00] Relatability through sharing struggles as a leader.
• [22:40] Difference between success and significance.
• [29:00–37:00] The three questions every follower asks.
• [41:17] Chris’s example of using the questions to set up feedback.
• [42:11] Mark’s summary—leaders must answer the three questions, intentionally and repeatedly.

Practical Takeaways

• Focus leadership and communication on serving others, not elevating yourself.
• Great communicators and leaders obsess over the audience’s needs.
• Vulnerability and sharing struggles make leaders more relatable and their influence sustainable.
• Lasting significance is found in the growth of people you influence, not personal achievements.
• Constantly ask yourself: Do the people I lead know I care, know I can help, and know they can trust me?
• Regularly revisit your motives: influence for the benefit of others, not your own accolades.

Conclusion

This episode challenges leaders to embrace humility and servant leadership—making each interaction and message about those they lead. Maxwell, Mark, and Chris share both wisdom and practical methods to help listeners assess their motives, communicate more effectively, and build transformational trust with their teams and audiences. The lesson? Leadership rises not when we serve ourselves but when we consistently put others first.