Maxwell Leadership Podcast — Episode Summary

Episode: Lead to Give, Not to Get

Host: Mark Cole (A), joined by Traci Morrow (B)
Main Teacher: Dr. John C. Maxwell (C)
Date: November 26, 2025

Overview: The Heart of Transformational Leadership

This deeply reflective Thanksgiving week episode centers around Dr. John C. Maxwell’s core principle: “Leadership is about giving, not getting.” Through personal stories, practical steps, and probing conversation, Mark Cole, Traci Morrow, and John Maxwell explore the vital shift leaders must make from seeking rewards for themselves to focusing on making ever-greater contributions to others. The episode transcends mere theory, offering both philosophical insight and tangible practices for growing as a leader who gives, sows, and serves.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Contribution Over Reward

Timestamp: [04:35] – [09:34]

• John Maxwell’s Teaching:

  • Success brings rewards (income, recognition, status), but “these can be growth stoppers” if one fixates on them.
  • “The way to guarantee that rewards will continually increase is to not think too much about them.”
  • Instead, focus on “creating new kinds of value for larger numbers of people,” ensuring that your contribution always exceeds your reward.
  • Mother Teresa quote: “A life not lived for others is not a life.”

• Two Essential Practices:

  • Adopt a no entitlement attitude:
    • Do not expect a reward without meaningful contribution.
    • “Quit looking around and asking yourself, ‘What am I going to get out of life?’ Get off of that foolishness. That is the way failures think on a continual basis.” – John Maxwell [06:30]
  • Be the first to help:
    • There’s unique power and effect in stepping up first.
    • Zig Ziglar principle: “You can get everything in life that you want if you would just help enough other people get what they want.”

• Memorable Moment:

  • “My success is determined by the seeds I sow, not the harvest I reap.” – John Maxwell [09:23]

2. Real-World Leadership Challenges & Examples

Timestamp: [10:43] – [17:56]

• Sowing and Adding Value:

  • Mark shares about an 18-year-old aspiring leader, Jim, who always asks after meetings: “Did I add value to you today? How did I add value to you?”
  • Jim’s mindset: being intentionally disciplined in value-adding actions, not just seeking praise.

• Competitiveness in Leadership:

  • Traci asks about balancing a competitive drive with a giving mindset.
  • Mark: “What I will tweak [in competitive leaders] is defining what a win looks like and who the benefactor of the win is... Winning is about executing the game plan and learning to make the next one better.” [15:17]
  • Warning: “Anytime competition leans back to entitlement, I really work hard with leaders to undo that entitlement... Entitlement will take competition and make it self-gratifying.”

3. Combating Entitlement as Parents & Leaders

Timestamp: [17:56] – [24:33]

• Entitlement’s Origins:

  • Traci reflects on the rise of participation trophies and extravagant “goodie bags” at kids’ parties as breeding grounds for entitlement.
  • Mark’s strategies for parents and leaders:
    • Express gratitude: Make it routine for kids to give thanks after meals (to God, then to the human provider).
    • Tie recognition to effort/choices, not just presence:
      • “Don’t compliment your kids on their gifts. Compliment your kids on their choices.” – Mark Cole, referencing John Maxwell [22:30]
    • Redistribute unearned rewards: If only non-birthday kids get gift bags, Mark instructs his children to give theirs to the birthday child.

• Key Quote:

  • “Compliment your kids on their choices.” – (from John Maxwell, cited [22:30])

4. The Risk of Manipulating the System of Giving

Timestamp: [24:33] – [29:12]

• Motives Matter:
  • Traci asks if the “be the first to help” principle can be gamed/manipulated for self-gain.
  • Mark is candid: “Absolutely it’s rigged... The more you bring to the table, the more you’re going to get from the table.”
  • The catch: If your motive is self-serving, it breeds entitlement and manipulation, which eventually poisons relationships and effectiveness.
  • “If we can go back and unwrap – is your motive to come and sow things so that you can get greater return and benefit for yourself? Eventually, that’s going to lead...to entitlement or manipulation.” – Mark Cole [28:21]

5. Developing and Sustaining a No Entitlement Attitude

Timestamp: [30:14] – [35:15]

• Practical Mindsets and Guardrails:
  • Mark shares his practice of feeling grateful for every paycheck, even as CEO: “Everything that comes to me feels like the greatest surprise blessing I’ve ever had.”
  • Importance of accountability: Mark relies on those around him (e.g., staff, spouse) to point out when he slips into entitlement.
  • Example: When annoyed by late colleagues, his wife reminds him, “So you would rather them be waiting on you than you waiting on them? Are you a little entitled right now?” [32:09]
  • Processing disappointment: Mark reframes rejections and missed opportunities by recalling all the times he received opportunities he perhaps didn’t ‘deserve’ either.

6. Sowing Seeds Without Expectation – The Ultimate Leadership Gift

Timestamp: [35:15] – [39:15]

• Current Seeds Being Sown:
  • Mark shares personal stories of investing time and energy into his grandchildren (“They had my entire schedule played out...Rather than face the weariness of the trip, I said, boy, I am getting to sow into these kids’ lives like most grandparents don’t get.”).
  • Professionally: Mentoring and onboarding a new president of operations at Maxwell Leadership.
  • Wisdom: “The best seeds are the ones you sow with no anticipation of any kind of return at all.”
  • Thanksgiving insight: The highest gratitude is often in what you are enabled to give, not just what you’ve received.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Greater rewards will automatically result from [helping others], and your future will continue to be filled with increasingly rewarding ways to contribute.” – John Maxwell [05:04]
• “You have only one thing to focus on every morning. Only one thing: How can I add value to other people today?” – John Maxwell [06:46]
• “My success is determined by the seeds I sow, not the harvest I reap.” – John Maxwell [09:23]
• “Your leadership is about giving.” – Mark Cole [14:04]
• “Entitlement will take competition and make it self-gratifying and self-serving rather than others-gratifying and others-serving.” – Mark Cole [16:40]
• “Don’t compliment your kids on their gifts. Compliment your kids on their choices.” – Mark Cole referencing John Maxwell [22:30]
• “If your motive is self-serving, it breeds entitlement and manipulation, which eventually poisons relationships and effectiveness.” – Paraphrased from Mark Cole [28:21]
• “Everything that comes to me feels like the greatest surprise blessing I’ve ever had, even the paychecks.” – Mark Cole [31:22]
• “The best gift seeds are the ones that you sow with no anticipation of any kind of return at all.” – Mark Cole [38:56]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Power of Contribution over Reward: [04:35] – [09:34]
• Adding Value as a Young Leader & Competitiveness: [10:43] – [17:56]
• Parenting, Entitlement, and Gratitude: [17:56] – [24:33]
• Motives and Manipulation: [24:33] – [29:12]
• No Entitlement Attitude in Practice: [30:14] – [35:15]
• Sowing with No Expectation: [35:15] – [39:15]

Final Reflection

This episode beautifully illustrates Maxwell’s conviction: “Leaders must live to give, not to get.” The discussion offers practical wisdom for resisting entitlement, nurturing gratitude, developing healthy competitiveness, and consistently sowing seeds of value in others’ lives—especially when no immediate harvest is guaranteed.

Listeners are left with a clear challenge for both leadership and life: Make your contribution bigger than your reward. As Mark and Traci affirm, our greatest influence—and fulfillment—flows not from what we grasp but from what we generously and intentionally give.

For tools, video resources, and the full lesson, visit: maxwellpodcast.com/leadtogive