Maxwell Leadership Podcast: "Quiet Confidence: Leading Without the Applause"

Host: John C. Maxwell with Mark Cole & Chris
Date: November 5, 2025

Overview

In this insightful episode, John Maxwell, along with Mark Cole and Chris, explores the concept of “quiet confidence” in leadership—the ability to lead effectively and make an impact without relying on external approval or applause. They discuss the pitfalls of people-pleasing, how internal validation shapes effective leadership, and practical steps for developing a discipline- and process-driven approach. This conversation is packed with actionable wisdom for leaders seeking humility, resilience, and sustained personal growth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Trap of People-Pleasing in Leadership

• Personal Journey: John shares his early struggle as a people pleaser and the realization that striving to keep people happy often conflicts with helping them grow.

  "My greatest value of helping them as a leader and helping people, making people happy—sometimes are not the very same thing." — John Maxwell (03:34)

• Shifting Perspective: Mark and Chris echo their own tendencies toward people-pleasing, emphasizing the necessity of leading from moral authority rather than external validation.

Building Quiet Confidence: Maxwell's Four Principles

(John Maxwell’s Structured Approach—begins at 03:02)

1. Value Process Over Event

   • Process work (discipline, preparation) rarely gets applause but is essential for long-term success.
   • "Process, by the way, never gets applause. Events do. But understand you'll never have a great event if you haven't done the process first." — John Maxwell (03:42)

2. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

   • Humility enables growth and connection—acknowledge mistakes and even joke about them.
   • "People that love applause are a little bit too much into themselves. So laugh at yourself. You should. Everyone else is." — John Maxwell (04:30)

3. Don’t Take Shortcuts

   • Discipline and daily habits are crucial—even for “naturals.”
   • John’s system: daily reading and filing for decades.
   • "It's not because I'm brilliant. It's because every day I file and I read, read and file, read and file, read and file." (05:58)

4. Set Your Own Standards Higher Than Others Do

   • High standards, self-evaluation, and refusing to let others dictate your potential.
   • "If somebody else has to tell you, you better improve your performance, it is a statement already on you." (07:56)
   • Quote: "Excellence is the gradual result of always striving to do better." — Pat Riley (08:44)

The Internal Source of Confidence

• Spiritual Perspective on Applause: Mark shares John’s practice of deflecting applause internally, attributing praise to his God-given gifts rather than personal achievement (12:46).

  • "They're applauding the gift you gave me, not my talents that I have developed." — John Maxwell (relayed by Mark Cole, 12:54)

• Defining Quiet Confidence: Mark describes quiet confidence as an internal settledness—not needing results or approval to validate your decisions.

  • "There is a certainty that comes from within that you have done your best..." (13:18)

• Growth Through Internal Reflection: Over time, Mark realized that confidence came less from applause and more from preparation and self-assessment.

Detachment from Outcome & Applause

• Challenges of Letting Go: Both Mark and Chris discuss the difficulty, especially in service-oriented roles, of detaching self-worth from others’ recognition.
• Mark cautions against allowing applause to dictate leadership decisions, especially when making tough calls or casting a divisive vision (17:08).
  • "If you think your vision casting has to meet everyone's approval, you're probably not casting a strong enough vision." (18:44)

Falling in Love with the Process, Not Just the Platform

• Addressing 'Destination Disease': Mark admits to loving the thrill of achievement but stresses the importance of creating systems to enjoy the process.

  • "In anything worthwhile, in anything good, the process is more important than the accomplishment, than the destination." (19:24)

• Clear Steps and Systems: Both emphasize the power of daily, consistent action—using systems to create “destination euphoria” through process (21:59).

Confidence vs. Ego: Finding Balance

• Quiet vs. Loud Confidence: Confidence does not need to broadcast itself. Insecurity often masks as braggadocio.

  • "When you're really confident, you don't need a billboard. You just know that, you know." — Mark Cole (24:19)

• Humility & Gratitude: Chris recalls a formative lesson—knowing you belong in the room, but never losing a sense of gratitude.

  • "I'm unqualified, I'm undeserving, but I'm fully confident I belong in the room." — Mark Cole (shared by Chris, 25:02)

• Mark stresses that gratitude maintains humility and sustains credibility as opportunities increase (26:13).

Encouragement for Unseen Leaders

• Intrinsic Value Independent of Recognition: Mark offers a heartfelt message for leaders who feel unseen, reminding them their presence and perseverance matter—even if external applause is absent (27:56–29:50).

  "Your opinion matters. You are intrinsically created with value that the world around you needs. ... The fact that you show up should be 51% of your sense of self-worth." — Mark Cole (28:20)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Applause vs. Process:
  "Process, by the way, never gets applause. Events do." — John Maxwell (03:42)

• On Humility:
  "People that love applause are a little bit too much into themselves. So laugh at yourself." — John Maxwell (04:32)

• On Daily Discipline:
  "It's not because I'm brilliant. It's because every day I file and I read, read and file." — John Maxwell (05:58)

• On Setting Standards:
  "Shame on any of us if somebody has to come around and say, hey, John, let me tell you something, you got to kick this thing up a little bit more." — John Maxwell (07:56)

• On Vision & Approval:
  "If you think your vision casting has to meet everyone's approval, you're probably not casting a strong enough vision." — Mark Cole (18:44)

• On Quiet Confidence:
  "When you're really confident, you don't need a billboard. You just know that, you know." — Mark Cole (24:19)

• On Belonging & Humility:
  "I'm unqualified, I'm undeserving, but I'm fully confident I belong in the room." — Mark Cole (shared by Chris, 25:02)

• On Showing Up:
  "The fact that you show up should be 51% of your sense of self-worth." — Mark Cole (28:13)

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:02: John Maxwell’s Four Principles for Quiet Confidence
• 08:44: The importance of setting your own standards (Pat Riley quote)
• 12:46: The right perspective on applause; spiritual foundation
• 13:18: Mark Cole defines “quiet confidence”
• 17:08: Conversation on detaching from others’ approval
• 19:07: How emerging leaders can love the process
• 24:19: Balancing confidence and humility
• 25:02: Chris recalls pivotal lesson in leadership rooms
• 27:56: Advice and encouragement for unseen leaders

Tone & Style Highlights

• Encouraging, practical, candid, occasionally humorous (especially in self-reflection)
• Draws on both personal stories and leadership maxims
• Faith is referenced as a foundational aspect, but all advice is broadly applicable

Summary: Essential Takeaways

1. True leadership confidence comes from disciplined process and internal validation—not the applause of others.
2. Embrace humility: admit mistakes, laugh at yourself, and never take yourself too seriously.
3. Develop systems and daily habits that anchor you in the process, not just the result or recognition.
4. Set high standards for yourself—never wait for others to raise the bar.
5. Balance confidence with gratitude and humility, ensuring ego doesn’t take the driver’s seat.
6. For those who feel unseen: your persistence, presence, and daily commitment matter—success starts inside and will eventually manifest outwardly.

For more resources, bonus materials, or to watch the episode on YouTube, visit maxwellpodcast.com/quietconfidence.

"Stay the course—success will show up first internally, and then it'll show up externally." — Mark Cole (29:38)