What is it like to change your mind on something you wrote a best seller on?

Joshua Harris is the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, a best-selling book in the late ’90s touting courtship as the superior way to find God’s perfect match for you & avoid the perils of sexual sin. It was a required read for many in the evangelical Christian community. In this episode, Josh shares how he changed his mind about the ideas in the book, how our sex lives & careers are connected, and the pros & cons of old-fashioned dating & sexism in the church.

This episode originally aired October 10, 2022.

If you liked this episode, you’ll also like episode 331: DISINTANGLING FAITH FROM RELIGIOUS TRAUMA [REMASTERED]

Guests:

https://www.instagram.com/harrisjosh/

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/clear-loud-with-josh-harris/id1612325690

https://joshharris.com/

Sponsors:

https://www.jordanharbinger.com/starterpacks/

https://www.historicpensacola.org/about-us/

00:00 — The purity culture starter pack

00:51 — Why changing your mind is terrifying

01:46 — When “cancel culture” becomes accountability

03:29 — The theology behind courtship culture

04:32 — The generation that tested the experiment

05:42 — When church certainty started collapsing

06:48 — Leaving the pastor role to question everything

07:46 — Seminary made him leave ministry?

09:33 — Does premarital sex actually help people choose better?

10:54 — Why most churches still reject sexual freedom

12:01 — “We got married quickly because we were horny”

13:00 — How purity culture rewires your relationship with sex

14:17 — The impossible expectations placed on women

15:20 — Marrying in high school to avoid sex

16:09 — Mourning the twenties purity culture stole

17:04 — “That regret is real”

18:11 — The heartbreak of choosing the wrong person

19:00 — Why Joshua wishes he’d traveled and dated more

19:53 — Learning to ask: “What do I actually want?”

20:41 — The divorced ex-evangelical support group

21:18 — Are any ideas from I Kissed Dating Goodbye still useful?

22:06 — Tinder burnout and the return of courtship thinking

23:01 — The real problem with modern dating

23:52 — Freedom vs shame-based control

24:43 — Women who thought tampons threatened purity

25:36 — The “formula” women were sold for happiness

26:41 — Parents trying to control teenage sexuality

28:04 — The 1800s obsession with female ignorance

29:15 — The history of prostitution and Christian morality

30:26 — Why Joshua’s sexual inexperience gave him authority

31:07 — Evangelicalism’s addiction to big movements

31:56 — Why twenty-somethings think they can fix the world

32:40 — How should we talk to kids about sex now?

33:03 — Removing shame from sexuality

33:54 — Sexual freedom also includes saying “that’s not for me”

34:52 — Living with one less regret

35:20 — Books and voices critiquing purity culture

36:22 — Joshua’s pivot into podcasting and business

36:34 — “We’re in the same club”

36:41 — The accidental ex-purity culture reunion club

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