Podcast Summary: Merryn Talks Money

Episode: How Much Should You Really Give Your Kids? Inheritance, Incentives and Money Mindsets
Date: December 17, 2025
Host: Merryn Somerset Webb
Guest: Hamish Lang (Financial Planner, Hamish Lang & Company)

Episode Overview

In this episode, Merryn Somerset Webb tackles a perennial and complex financial question: How much should you really give your kids? Joined by seasoned financial planner Hamish Lang, they explore the tricky territory of inheritance, incentives, and money mindsets. The conversation blends practical tips with psychological insights, considering both the “how much” and the “how” of giving, the importance of fairness, tax efficiency, and, crucially, what helps kids become confident and competent with money.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Psychology of Giving: Building Self-Confidence Around Money

• Guiding Principle: The most important factor when deciding how much (and when) to give is understanding your children’s personalities, particularly their self-confidence and money management skills. (04:14)
  • “If you’re self-confident in your own achievements and you are hungry, I think it doesn’t matter when you give money to people... I think the age is not really that important if you’ve got the other things right.” – Hamish Lang (04:14)
• Early Teaching: Start talking about money at home, around the dinner table, and involve children in small money decisions (e.g., pocket money, family charity donations, junior investment accounts). (05:21–06:57)
  • Notable anecdote: Hamish describes two siblings given small investment accounts—one experimented with cryptocurrency and lost, the other took risks, lost, then recovered. Both learned valuable lessons. (06:02–07:00)
• Achievement as Confidence: Self-confidence, not money, brings security and a good relationship with wealth. (07:40)
  • “No one has ever got self-confidence by being given money. They get self-confidence by achieving something for themselves.” – Hamish Lang (07:38)

2. Fairness vs. Individual Needs

• Tailoring Gifts: It’s reasonable to treat children differently based on maturity and money skills, but perceived unfairness can create lasting resentment. (08:18–09:22)
  • Example: Parents ceased ISA contributions for a son successful in finance but continued for a daughter in a lower-paying but meaningful job. The son felt “penalized” for his hard work, highlighting how fairness is subjective. (09:22–10:21)
  • “People’s view on fairness can be quite subjective.” – Hamish Lang (09:41)
• Managing Expectations: To avoid surprises and conflict, communicate will contents and intentions ahead of time. (10:46)

3. Incentives, Large Inheritances, and Motivation

• Will Inheritance Demotivate? While some worry that knowledge of a large inheritance can demotivate, Hamish observes that personal drive and early values are more powerful motivators. (12:43–14:23)
  • “Most people live up to their responsibilities if they have started early, the chat around the supper table.”
  • Helpful distinction made between lump sums vs. targeted help (e.g., for education, housing). (14:05)

4. Transparency About Family Wealth

• How Much Should Kids Know? Full disclosure about assets isn’t necessary. Sharing underlying financial principles and decision-making processes is more important. (17:50–18:36)
  • “I don’t think it’s necessary to say how much you’ve got... But I think you can talk about the principles of how you manage it...” – Hamish Lang (18:06)

5. Put Your Oxygen Mask on First

• Parental Security Takes Priority: Before gifting, ensure your own financial needs and retirement security are met. (18:36–20:19)
  • “The greatest gift you can give your children to a large degree is your own financial security.” – Merryn Somerset Webb (18:36)
  • “You need to know your number... [Perfection is] dying with a check to the undertaker bouncing in old age.” – Hamish Lang (19:21)

6. Efficient Ways to Gift: Tax and Practicalities

• Direct Gifts: Unconditional gifts are preferable when the time is right; if not, consider insurance in the interim. (21:21–22:03)
• Trusts: Now less tax-efficient and more contentious since 2006 changes, but discretionary trusts still useful in some cases, especially for less mature children. (22:03–22:54)
• Junior ISAs and Pensions: Junior ISAs are straightforward. Paying into a child’s pension (SIPP) can be powerful if started early, but caution over possible restrictions down the line. (21:10–24:37)
  • “It’s quite useful to know they can’t touch it until 55 or 57. That’s quite useful.” – Hamish Lang (24:04)
• Pensions as Inheritance: Changing tax rules have eroded the efficiency of passing pensions to heirs, so draw down pensions before other assets if possible. (24:37–24:50)
• Gifts from Income: A little-known exemption allows tax-free gifting from surplus income, provided it doesn’t affect the giver’s lifestyle. Must be regular, not one-off. (25:04–25:44)
  • “It’s a fantastic exemption... I was slightly surprised to see still remained in the budget.” – Hamish Lang (25:33)
• Equity Release: Can be a tool to free up money for giving in later life, but should be used with caution due to compounding interest. (27:22–28:46)
• Family Investment Companies & Insurance: Niche solutions like family investment companies or using life insurance to cover IHT liabilities may be appropriate in certain situations. (26:33–27:22)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On parenting and money:
  • “No one has ever got self-confidence by being given money. They get self-confidence by achieving something for themselves.” – Hamish Lang (07:38)
  • “The greatest gift you can give your children is your own financial security.” – Merryn Somerset Webb (18:36)
  • “Dying with a check to the undertaker bouncing in old age.” – Hamish Lang (19:21)
• On fairness and family dynamics:
  • “People’s view on fairness can be quite subjective.” – Hamish Lang (09:41)
  • “Tell people in principle what’s in the will to head that one off because I think it’s unfair to leave the children to sort it out.” – Hamish Lang (10:46)
• On timing:
  • “Giving with warm hands while you’re alive is better than giving with cold hands when you’re dead.” – German Saying via Hamish Lang (29:19)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------|------------------| | Intro & Framing of the Dilemma | 02:19–03:42 | | Teaching children about money | 04:14–07:00 | | Treating children fairly & inheritance angst | 08:18–10:21 | | Motivation & the impact of expected wealth | 12:43–14:23 | | Financial transparency with children | 17:50–18:36 | | Parental financial security first | 18:36–20:19 | | Efficient gifting options overview | 21:10–24:37 | | Gifting from income tax break | 25:04–25:44 | | Equity release & final reflections | 27:22–29:19 | | “Warm hands” quote, closing thoughts | 29:19–29:40 |

Summary Takeaways

• Don’t confuse giving money with giving confidence: Children benefit most from experiences that help them become capable, not just from receiving cash.
• Fairness matters—but isn’t always simple: Transparency and open communication can stave off resentment and conflict, both during life and after death.
• Plan for yourself first: Ensure your own security before giving to your children.
• Gift thoughtfully and tax-efficiently: Leverage Junior ISAs, pensions, regular gifts from income, life insurance, and (if appropriate) trusts and equity release, always weighing up practicality and family dynamics.
• Communication is key: Explain principles and decisions, but detailed figures are less important than guiding values.

Final thought:

“Giving with warm hands while you’re alive is better than giving with cold hands when you’re dead.” – (29:19)

An episode full of wisdom and practical advice for anyone considering their family’s financial future.