Midlife Man Rising — Episode Summary

Episode: Men After 50: One Question that Instantly Shifts Your Midlife Crisis (Midlife Resurrection Series - Part 2)
Host: Nelson Pahl, Ph.D.
Date: September 17, 2025

Overview

In this episode of Midlife Man Rising, Nelson Pahl, Ph.D., reframes the experience commonly called a "midlife crisis" as a grief event rather than a true crisis. Speaking directly to men over 50, Pahl offers a single, transformative question that helps listeners move from denial and resistance toward growth, reinvention, and authentic transformation. He illustrates how surrendering old identities is vital and provides research-backed context for seeing midlife as an important juncture for meaning-making rather than escapism.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reframing Midlife Crisis as Grief

• Pahl opens by challenging the cultural narrative of midlife as pure crisis, noting that it's better thought of as a process of grief and transformation rather than an emergency to be fixed.
• Quote:
  • "If you follow this podcast space, you know I see midlife not as a crisis, but rather as a grief event." (00:04)

2. The Transformational Question

• Central to the episode is one pivotal question:
  • "What part of me needs to die so a truer part of me can live on?" (01:33)
• Pahl shares that this question was life-changing for him and encourages listeners to confront it honestly, marking it as the doorway to genuine change.

3. Resisting vs. Surrendering to Change

• Many men seek to avoid the discomfort of midlife by acquiring new possessions or changing careers/relationships. Pahl argues this often delays or masks the real work of transformation.
  • Quote:
    • "Most men try to escape this midlife season with new cars, new careers, sometimes even new partners. Yet what if the real answer isn't escape, but instead surrender?" (00:34)

4. Research Foundation

• Cites several studies and psychological theories, including:
  • A Royal Society journal finding that midlife crisis can be an opportunity for growth. (00:51)
  • Center for Male Psychology review: Only 10–20% of men experience a classic crisis, supporting the transformation-over-crisis idea. (01:16)
  • International Association of Analytical Psychology research on "living through the unlived," indicating deep personal change after successfully navigating midlife transitions. (01:50)
  • Longitudinal research ("Identity Formations in Adulthood") demonstrating identity is dynamic, not fixed — constant reevaluation is healthy and needed. (02:32)

5. Facing Midlife Grief and Embracing Reconstruction

• Pahl links midlife malaise to unaddressed grief over lost roles and dreams; he references Niemeyer's theory on reconstructing meaning and identity as essential. (03:00)
  • Quote:
    • "Because if you don't face this grief, it simply festers, and as it does, it debilitates and can even cause you long term misery. But if you do face this midlife grief, it can transform you." (03:18)

6. Experiential Prompt for Listeners

• Engages listeners in a simple but potent exercise:
  1. Write: "The part of me that needs to die is ___, so a truer part of me can live on." (03:38)
  2. Encourages honest, instinctive responses as a starting point for deep transformation.

7. The Discomfort of Initiation

• Pahl reminds that discomfort is inherent and necessary; midlife is a psychological initiation, not unlike rites of passage. (04:10)
  • Quote:
    • "Psychological research tells us that midlife is an initiation. And initiations are supposed to be hard, but they're a necessary part of any journey toward growth and wholeness." (04:13)

8. Conscious Individuation and Identity Shedding

• Main barriers arise when men attempt to hold onto old and new selves simultaneously. True change means intentional, conscious "release."
  • Quote:
    • "Most men get stuck because they try to hold on to everything. The old identity and the new one. But transformation doesn't work that way. Something has to be released so that something better can emerge." (05:00)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "It's not about losing yourself. It's about shedding the outdated version of you that no longer serves who you're becoming. It's viewing identity as a dynamic process." (02:12)
• "You're not running from who you are. You're choosing who you become." (04:42)
• "That's not loss, my friend. That's conscious evolution." (05:17)

Important Timestamps

• 00:04 — Reframing midlife as grief, not crisis
• 00:34 — Men’s common “escape” strategies
• 01:33 — The transformational question revealed
• 01:50 — Research on “living through the unlived”
• 02:32 — Identity as dynamic, not fixed
• 03:18 — Niemeyer’s theory: grief and transformation
• 03:38 — Listener exercise: “The part of me that needs to die is…”
• 04:13 — The painful but essential nature of midlife initiation
• 05:00 — The problem of clinging to old identities
• 05:17 — The reality of conscious evolution

Takeaway

Nelson Pahl encourages men to bravely examine their midlife experience—not as a failure or loss, but as an invitation to let go of outdated identities and make space for new ones. By recognizing grief and practicing conscious individuation, men after 50 can transform midlife “funk” into authentic, meaningful reinvention.

Action Step:
Take a moment today to finish the prompt:
“The part of me that needs to die is ___, so a truer part of me can live on.”

(For listeners interested in deeper transformation, Pahl invites them to his five-day “Resurrection Camp” challenge—details in the show notes.)