Migrant Odyssey — Ep 21: The Children of the Dispossessed: What Happens Next?

Host: Stephen Barden
Guest: Meerusha
Date: November 18, 2025

Overview

This poignant episode of Migrant Odyssey centers on the often overlooked journeys of the children of refugees and migrants—the next generation who inherit the unspoken expectations, traumas, and burdens of their parents' odyssey. Host Stephen Barden speaks with Meerusha, a Swiss nurse and the founder of "Hand for Hand," about her childhood as the daughter of Sri Lankan Tamil refugees, the clash of cultures and expectations, and her mission to help refugee families break cycles of trauma and build integrated, inclusive communities.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Migration as More Than a Journey—The Aftermath and Its Legacy

• [00:04] Stephen Barden opens by emphasizing migration’s persistent aftermath:

  “Getting to the safe place becomes a one moment in the long struggle of reconciliation that their children have to undergo...”
  He introduces Meerusha as “a very young casualty of that clash, who… has filled the cracks in her life with pure gold…”

• The episode aims to explore not only the journey, but the ‘what happens next’ for migrant families, especially their children.

2. Family Background and Fleeing Sri Lanka

• [02:18] Meerusha’s parents fled Sri Lanka in 1989 due to the civil war.
  • Her father avoided joining the Tamil Tigers for family reasons but was still forced to flee when persecution escalated ([05:20-06:38]).
  • The families pooled resources, going into debt and mortgaging property to fund the escape ([06:36]).
  • The path to Europe (not originally aiming for Switzerland), harrowing journey, and the complexity of decisions around whom to support in migration ([07:25-08:31]).

  “My dad still talks about...that traumatic ride in that lorry...you have to just stay there. I think a human being put alone in a box for too long, you never know what comes.” — Meerusha [11:08]

• Gender and hierarchy influenced opportunities—supporting sons over daughters, complicated by familial debts ([07:26]).

3. Early Years in Switzerland — Limbo and Hardship

• [08:43-09:50] Meerusha born in a Swiss asylum center after her mother suffered multiple miscarriages, attributed to trauma and stress from displacement.
  • The family remained stuck in legal limbo for seven years due to lack of documentation, unable to work legally or move out.

  “[My father] forgot all his evidence...he regrets that very much. He would do it differently in the next—next life, hopefully not. But that’s what he jokes sometimes about.” — Meerusha [10:30]

• Eventually, they moved to Zurich’s 'mini Sri Lanka' (Limatplatz), sharing a cramped apartment with several men.

  “We lived with eight people in a tiny three room apartment…I believe I was happy...I was a baby.” — Meerusha [13:22]

• The relentless focus on working, repaying debts, sending money home, and the expectation not to be a burden on the host society ([13:22-16:41]).

4. Maternal Struggle and the Weight of Expectations

• [16:41-18:05] Meerusha’s mother dealt with postnatal depression while living amid Zurich’s active drug scene, isolated with no support, and pressure to fulfill multiple roles.
• Her father’s sole focus: work and supporting both families; he was largely absent from family life.
• Mother eventually took on cleaning jobs after several years, seeking a sense of autonomy ([18:05]).

5. Childhood Neglect and “Parentification”

• [21:52-25:36] When the extended household dissolved, both parents worked, leaving 6-year-old Meerusha responsible for her younger siblings.

  “My mom told me, hey, you’re the big girl…You can take care of your siblings. And we know you can do it because you are very, very brave...” — Meerusha [22:08]

• She took siblings to school and nursery, stole food for them, and hid the neglect from authorities ([23:24-25:41]).
• School absenteeism, signs of neglect, theft, and exhaustion eventually rendered the situation visible:

  “I would sleep through a whole class...or even at, you know, during the break…my teacher became sort of alert…” — Meerusha [25:41]

• This endured for more than a year ([28:11-28:16]).

6. Crisis and Child Protective Intervention

• [28:52-34:15] A medical emergency (her brother’s fever-induced seizure) propelled neighbors and authorities to intervene, involving police and child services.

  “My brother was having a fever cramp...white foam coming out of his mouth. I tried to call my parents, but they didn’t pay the telephone bill...so I had to run to my neighbor and ask if I could use the phone.” — Meerusha [28:52]

• Child Protective Services placed the three siblings in a children’s home during the week ([34:15]).
  • Both parents were shocked and, in their perspective, blamed Meerusha for the disruption.

  “For a very long time...they would still play back the situation...trying to find so many different solutions that I could have...That destroyed me for a very long time. I think I felt for a very long time as a failure.” — Meerusha [34:34]

7. Healing, Identity, and Rebuilding

• [36:24] The children’s home was a turning point:

  “I relearned how to be a child.” — Meerusha [36:24]

• Teenage years brought therapy, rebellion, and gradual understanding that she was not to blame.

  “Cognitively I knew, Miru, it is not you...But...my love for them was so big and still is...knowing something and actually believing it...are really, really totally different things.” — Meerusha [36:49]

• Academic struggle continued—daydreaming, inability to focus ([38:48-39:22]).
  • The family's concern pivoted to reputation within both the Swiss Tamil and Sri Lankan communities, expecting the children to embody success ([39:34]).

8. Reclaiming Agency and Purpose

• Despite challenges, Meerusha trained and worked as a pediatric nurse, later supporting refugees and people with addiction ([39:34-40:36]).
  • She realized trauma is not only experienced in migration (“the fleeing”), but constantly re-lived and passed down after arrival.

  “We are focusing so much on the fleeing part...But one thing we always forget to focus on: do you know what happens next?...the bag of burdens that you’re passing on...” — Meerusha [40:41]

• Transitioned out of refugee services to preserve her own well-being and now works in drug rehabilitation.

9. Lessons for the Future Generation

• [43:37] Host Stephen asks what lesson Meerusha will carry forward:

  “If I treat my child wrong, I want my child to turn around and tell me, clean up your own mess. Don’t put it on me…This is what I wish...that we have to stick together and also break the cycle of passing on trauma.” — Meerusha [43:43]

• She encourages those she works with to set boundaries and return burdens to those responsible.

  “...Whatever they’re mad for or mad at you, give it back to them and ask them, is there something that you contributed in it to?” — Meerusha [45:30]

10. Community-Building — Hand for Hand Organization

• [45:36-47:15] Meerusha founded “Hand for Hand,” a grassroots community initiative connecting migrants/refugees with locals—facilitating honest, equal exchanges of lived experience.
  • Focus: Sharing practical knowledge, bridging cultural gaps, and empowering newcomers to build integrated, resilient lives.

  “Life experience. No expertise, just life experience…that’s how people meet on an eye level, and that’s how we break cycles.” — Meerusha [46:42]

• Activities include informal gatherings in refugee camps, inviting locals to share coffee, cake, stories, and pragmatic wisdom ([47:18]).

11. Impact and Lasting Change

• [48:06] Hand for Hand has been well-received by both sides:

  “People always tell us this is the first time we truly feel seen, we truly feel heard...It truly feels like we’re all brothers and sisters...” — Meerusha [48:06]

• Notable example: bringing migrant mothers together to learn new parenting approaches and break with punitive traditions not accepted in the new society ([48:32-49:10]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the nature of inherited burdens:

  “Getting to the safe place becomes a one moment in the long struggle of reconciliation that their children have to undergo.” — Stephen Barden [00:04]

• On migration and debt:

  “Both your mother and your father...family in two families in Sri Lanka who got themselves into quite a lot of debt and raised...money to get both your mother and your father into Europe.” — Stephen Barden [07:12]

• On child responsibility:

  “My mom told me, hey, you’re the big girl and my dad too. You can take care of your siblings. And we know you can do it because you are very, very brave.” — Meerusha [22:08]

• On trauma post-migration:

  “We are focusing so much on the fleeing part...but...forget to focus on...what happens next...the bag of burdens you’re passing on...” — Meerusha [40:41]

• On cycles of trauma:

  “If I treat my child wrong, that I want my child to turn around and tell me, clean up your own mess. Don’t put it on me.” — Meerusha [43:43]

Key Timestamps

• 00:04 — Introduction: Theme of “what happens next” for migrant children
• 05:20-06:38 — Circumstances of fleeing Sri Lanka and family sacrifices
• 08:44-10:05 — Early years in Swiss refugee camp; legal limbo and hardship
• 13:22-16:41 — First apartment in Zurich; over-crowding, dowries, and expectations
• 18:05-18:48 — Mother’s struggles, postnatal depression, taking cleaning jobs
• 21:52-25:41 — Parentification: 6-year-old Meerusha caring for siblings; signs of neglect
• 28:52-34:15 — Medical emergency leads to intervention and children’s home placement
• 36:24-38:05 — Healing, therapy, realizing she was not at fault
• 39:34-40:36 — Professional trajectory: nurse, work with refugees, and trauma perspective
• 43:37-45:30 — Lessons for her future children; breaking cycle of inherited trauma
• 45:36-47:15 — “Hand for Hand” organization: structure, philosophy, and methods
• 48:06-49:10 — Impact, anecdotes, and building inclusive communities

Conclusion

Meerusha’s story is a moving testament to the resilience of refugee families and, crucially, to what happens after arrival. She demonstrates the lifelong effects and subtle intergenerational transmission of trauma and unrealized expectations, as well as the potential for breaking those cycles through self-awareness, community-building, and honest dialogue between migrants and host communities.

Her work with “Hand for Hand” exemplifies how healing and integration occur not in bureaucratic offices but through shared humanity, story, and practical solidarity—reminding us that “migration is not a problem, but part of what makes us human.”

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Notably, the emotional candor and unflinching honesty throughout lengthen the episode’s impact and relevance.