← Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out
Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out
154. Fortune Feimster: Don't Borrow Trouble
00:45:04
Hot off her new Netflix special Crushing It, Fortune Feimster sits down with Mike for a candid chat about telling personal stories on stage, dealing with audience complaints, and Fortune’s coming out journey. Fortune also explains her dynamic with her Handsome podcast co-hosts Tig Notaro and Mae Martin, and she and Mike discuss why fancy doorbells and ice crushing machines are symbols of wealth.
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- [00:01]
Mike Birbiglia
Have you ever had jokes in your specials or your tour where people have pushed back on it and said, hey, I wish you wouldn't talk about this.
- [00:09]
Fortune Feimster
I am gay. That's just part of who I am. So any. I'm not setting out to tell gay stories. Sure it is. Just like I'm telling you a story about being married. I happen to be gay, so that's just gonna be part of it.
- [00:24]
Mike Birbiglia
Right.
- [00:25]
Fortune Feimster
But because I'm gay, I'm telling. According to this person, I'm now telling a gay story.
- [00:29]
Mike Birbiglia
Really?
- [00:30]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. So they were like too many G stories. You're just thr. Like shoving it down everyone's throats. And she goes, and your merch was gay and it was too gay.
- [00:44]
Mike Birbiglia
What's your merch? That makes me wonder, what's your merch?
- [00:47]
Fortune Feimster
Just all this. Everything's gay.
- [00:55]
Mike Birbiglia
That is the voice of the great Fortune Fester. Love Fortune. We wanted to have her on for so long. Awesome comic, great storyteller, improviser, actor. You might know her from the handsome podcast, which she co hosts with Tig Notaro and May Martin Tigg, who you've heard on here. May, who I really hope will hear on here in the future. Or you might know her from Netflix as a joke radio. She co hosts a show with Tom Papa. Fortune's a riot. She has a new special out on Netflix called Crushing It. And indeed, this special is. Is Crushing it. Love the special. Yeah, we have a great talk today about how to be a storyteller and stand up. Especially when you're starting out, you're getting five minute spots and it's not long enough to win over the crowd and do a story, and it's just really cool conversation. If you're able to see Fortune on tour, you should absolutely do it. She just announced this week her tour, which is called Taking Care of Biscuits. Love the title. Thanks everybody who came out to my shows this week. I was all across Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina. Definitely donate if you can, to the Manna Food bank and other relief organizations in Asheville and other parts of North Carolina. They're doing great, but they still could use your help. Love visiting there. That's gonna do it for my shows in 2024. Thank you everybody who came out to see the show. We are nearing our finale in March at the Beacon Theater, which is going to be called the Good Life. The Police have the Ride tour has been almost 70 cities. We have about 10 left. I'll be in Iowa City in January at the Englert Theater, which I Love. We just had a third show on January 11th. Instead of trekking all over the Midwest, I'm staying three nights in Iowa City. You know why? Selfish. Love that town. Great town. Beautiful. One of America's gems. February 1st, I'm in Pickering, Ontario, at the Pickering Casino Resort, which looks really cool. February 4th and 5th, I'm in Baltimore. Baltimore, Center Stage, which Ira Glass has told me is where he grew up going to see theater. So I'm really excited for that. It's like a cool little intimate 500 seat theater in Baltimore. February 21st, I'm in Northampton. February 23rd, I'm in Burlington, Vermont. I love this chat with Fortune famester. Today. We break down a few of the specific stories in her special Crushing it on Netflix, including her honeymoon with her wife to a place where it is technically illegal to be gay. We talk about that. We talk about growing up in an allegedly haunted house, which sounds actually haunted, if you believe in that sort of thing. She talks about her journey of coming out. It was great to have an in depth conversation with her. She's a very warm person, very funny person. I think you're going to love my conversation with the great Fortune Feimster. Your opening story is about your honeymoon. You got married a couple years ago and you realized, I think you realized on the flight to Maldives that it's illegal to be gay in Maldives. You must get the question of how was that not researched in advance of the honeymoon?
- [04:18]
Fortune Feimster
Mike, that kind of sums me up to a T, I think, where I'm just like, yeah, let's go do this. Yeah, this is fun. Then that's when I go, oh, wait, let me. What are we doing exactly?
- [04:31]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [04:31]
Fortune Feimster
Into this. Yeah. It was just my wife had always wanted to go there. You see those pictures of like those little bungalows on the water?
- [04:40]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [04:41]
Fortune Feimster
I was just like, let's go on an adventure.
- [04:44]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [04:45]
Fortune Feimster
And, you know, the truth of the story is that it was fine. We were good.
- [04:51]
Mike Birbiglia
Right.
- [04:51]
Fortune Feimster
Probably most people are. But the under part of the story, there's always kind of an under part, is that if someone had a bad day that's in a position of power, it could not be good for us.
- [05:04]
Mike Birbiglia
It could go any which way. Yeah, yeah.
- [05:06]
Fortune Feimster
So. So that's the undercurrent of it. But I focus on the. The positive.
- [05:12]
Mike Birbiglia
Well, that's interesting. Like, the Netflix description of your special is like, it is a joyous comedy special. Something like that. And I was like, it really is. And I have to say, like, that is a rarity in comedy. And you must get that a lot is, like, you're very funny, you're very biting, but also you're fun and, like, having a good time.
- [05:33]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. I think that is the thing I want people to also do is to have a good time.
- [05:40]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [05:41]
Fortune Feimster
So if I'm having a good time, my hope is that it will rub off on the people watching. But honestly, that's my perspective.
- [05:49]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [05:49]
Fortune Feimster
I'm a positive person. Like, it's not put on, it's not forced.
- [05:53]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [05:53]
Fortune Feimster
I genuinely wake up. Like, glass half full.
- [05:56]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [05:57]
Fortune Feimster
Most of the time. Not every day, but I know so many people that don't and that. And I know what a challenge it is for some people to even see it half full or. Yeah, a third full. So, like, to have that be my natural state. 90% of the time, I know I'm lucky.
- [06:18]
Mike Birbiglia
Did you develop that over the years?
- [06:20]
Fortune Feimster
I think so. I think it part is nature.
- [06:26]
Mike Birbiglia
And.
- [06:26]
Fortune Feimster
Then part is just like, overcoming stuff at a young age and.
- [06:31]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [06:32]
Fortune Feimster
And coming out and finally being happy with who I am and living my truth, and it just made everything else sort of feel less important. Like, I've overcome stuff in childhood that was harder. Like, everyone has, and I got through that, and now I can take care of myself and I'm independent and I don't have to rely on anyone.
- [06:57]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [06:57]
Fortune Feimster
And I'll figure it out if it's hard.
- [07:00]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [07:01]
Fortune Feimster
I'll get through it. You know, I think it's just that kind of thing.
- [07:04]
Mike Birbiglia
Now, at the end of your special, you have this great foot footage with your mom.
- [07:10]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [07:11]
Mike Birbiglia
At, I think, the Comedy Zone in Charlotte.
- [07:13]
Fortune Feimster
Yep. Yep.
- [07:14]
Mike Birbiglia
Great club.
- [07:14]
Fortune Feimster
It's great. Yeah.
- [07:15]
Mike Birbiglia
You started?
- [07:16]
Fortune Feimster
No, I actually didn't start comedy till I moved to Los Angeles.
- [07:20]
Mike Birbiglia
Oh, no kidding.
- [07:21]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I moved there in 03, started at the groundlings first in 05, and then stand up at the Comedy Store in the belly room in 07.
- [07:31]
Mike Birbiglia
Oh, no kidding. So did you. You start Groundlings? Improv or sketch or both?
- [07:36]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, that's where I started was improv first.
- [07:38]
Mike Birbiglia
Wow.
- [07:38]
Fortune Feimster
And that, like, led into Sketch, and I started my own group because it was so hard at the time to get any stage time.
- [07:45]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [07:46]
Fortune Feimster
And I was like, how are we gonna go through this very challenging, competitive school if we aren't performing? Like, that doesn't make any sense to me. Now they have all kinds of opportunities for people to perform, but that was not the case back then.
- [08:00]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah. I read that you had taken standup class. Was it there?
- [08:05]
Fortune Feimster
No, the standup class was through this guy, Adam Barnhart. At the Comedy Store. It wasn't at the Store, but the. We took a class. I can't remember where it was. It was like six weeks, once a week. And then at the end of the class, you performed in the Belly Room.
- [08:19]
Mike Birbiglia
That's interesting.
- [08:20]
Fortune Feimster
And I was like, oh, my God, the Comedy Store.
- [08:23]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah, I'm.
- [08:24]
Fortune Feimster
I'm going to get to perform there. And, you know, the show is like, the most supportive show ever.
- [08:29]
Mike Birbiglia
Right.
- [08:30]
Fortune Feimster
All your friends that totally love you and want you to do well. So I did it, and I was like, I love stand up. This is the greatest thing ever. And he. He let me. He ran a show every Sunday night in the Belly Room, and he let me do the music. And in return, I got 10 minutes after my class ended. For a year, I got 10 minutes every Sunday night, really, as a brand new comic. So it allowed me to really develop a lot faster than I think I would have normally.
- [09:02]
Mike Birbiglia
Right. The consistency of doing something. I had the same thing. When I was probably 20 years old, I used to go to an open mic every Thursday at the Best Western in Virginia. Oh, yeah, every Thursday. But I wouldn't always get on because you have to draw the lottery in LA.
- [09:17]
Fortune Feimster
You had to bring, like, 10 friends. So I started joining all these. Not. I didn't do it for this reason, but it helped. But I. It was like a. I remember it was like a year of, like, I'm gonna meet people, make friends. Because LA was a tricky place to meet people. So I, like, went on Craigslist and joined, like, a softball league and a tennis team and a soccer league. I took, like, an African drumming class that was like, every week. I. I did all these things to, like, meet people.
- [09:47]
Mike Birbiglia
When you moved to la?
- [09:48]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Wow. Like, broaden my horizons. And. And then by the time I started stand up, I had all these little groups of friends from all these different activities I've been doing, and they were like, yeah, we'll come see your show.
- [10:00]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [10:01]
Fortune Feimster
That also helped me kind of move up the ladder.
- [10:04]
Mike Birbiglia
Right. You know, all these activity groups.
- [10:06]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. They were just like, that sounds fun. I'm like, really? All right. You want to go see some me do some mediocre comedy?
- [10:15]
Mike Birbiglia
When you were starting out, would you tell stories about coming out or the debutante stuff, like, the things that were harder to talk about? Were you able to find comedy in that?
- [10:24]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I think I. It's funny. I came out in 2005, which seems crazy because I was 25, and that seems so late to me. And I'm definitely Someone who everyone else knew but me.
- [10:43]
Mike Birbiglia
Right.
- [10:43]
Fortune Feimster
You know what I mean?
- [10:44]
Mike Birbiglia
Last to get the note.
- [10:45]
Fortune Feimster
My joke was that my hair knew I was gay before I did. So I think I just. It was a year of I came out and started growling classes the same time. And it was this. It's funny that they came simultaneously because I felt like I was sort of entering into a new version of myself.
- [11:07]
Mike Birbiglia
Sure.
- [11:07]
Fortune Feimster
And so I had this, like, weight, huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt a sense of happiness I don't know that I'd ever felt, you know, in high school, everything just felt a hair off. Something's different about me. I don't know what it is. No. Guys like me in a romantic way. I don't know why I'm always getting rejected, not even trying. I just immediately meet a man and we're like, high fiving. It's a rejection, you know, of like, in a way that's not overt. They're not saying no to me, but there's no, like, are we gonna go on a date? Like, you know what I mean? So you go through life feeling sort of like something's missing. Am I enough? And then you go, oh, my God, I'm gay. Like, that's the missing puzzle piece.
- [12:00]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [12:01]
Fortune Feimster
And suddenly I just was like, now I'm really happy. I feel really good. And then I started comedy and I just channeled it all into that.
- [12:11]
Mike Birbiglia
That's beautiful.
- [12:11]
Fortune Feimster
So I just started telling stories that had this tent of like, I'm talking about difficult things. Coming out is difficult. Telling your parents you're gay is difficult. But I had this like. But I did it.
- [12:24]
Mike Birbiglia
But I did it. That's what I always say my favorite comedy is. It's a bunch of sad stuff, but it's funny. Yeah.
- [12:32]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. And so it just allowed me to talk about that journey in a way that was like, I'm okay. Like, I told my family and they were cool and thank God and. But I was scared. I was scared to lose them. But that's not what I'm focused on. I'm focused on that they were cool with it. Um. So, yeah, it just allowed me to kind of start this new journey and talk about things. As I went and was sort of. I was discovering how to. How to be gay. Even if you are gay, you don't necessarily know how to be gay.
- [13:04]
Mike Birbiglia
Sure.
- [13:04]
Fortune Feimster
I was kind of like, I'm gay now. What?
- [13:09]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah, yeah, sure.
- [13:11]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. So. So it was an interesting thing having those two things be simultaneous. But the stories in the beginning were shorter Yeah. I like, my first joke that kind of hit with people was me saying, I think it was. I came out later in life. I was so intense. When I was in high school, my mom would be like, I don't understand why I get so upset when your friend Michelle goes out on a date with a guy. And I was like, because she's my best friend.
- [13:40]
Mike Birbiglia
I love that.
- [13:41]
Fortune Feimster
So just taking that, like, that was painful.
- [13:44]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [13:45]
Fortune Feimster
But it's so funny now. Now that I know why I was so intense.
- [13:49]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [13:49]
Fortune Feimster
But I didn't know why I was then.
- [13:51]
Mike Birbiglia
It's funny, though. You're saying, like, 25 is late, but at the same time, it's like things that I did when I was 25. I look back, I go, oh, my God, I was so young.
- [13:59]
Fortune Feimster
I know. I truly feel like I was a different person.
- [14:02]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [14:02]
Fortune Feimster
It is a different, Like a whole other lifetime.
- [14:06]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [14:06]
Fortune Feimster
I don't even, like, kind of relate to me at 24. Me at 25.
- [14:12]
Mike Birbiglia
I feel the same way.
- [14:13]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [14:14]
Mike Birbiglia
So you have this hit podcast with Tig and May. That must be so fun. Whenever I listen to it, I'm like, you guys have a great time with each other. Tig I've known forever and is, like, one of the most hilariously idiosyncratic people I've ever encountered.
- [14:32]
Fortune Feimster
Tig is so funny.
- [14:33]
Mike Birbiglia
What's your most idiosyncrasy ridden, like, Tigs, like, encounter?
- [14:40]
Fortune Feimster
Gosh, I don't know. I met Tig years ago as well, but I didn't know her very well, and I was always kind of intimidated by her because she just has this kind of, like, what's.
- [14:51]
Mike Birbiglia
You know, I'm still intimidated.
- [14:52]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. She doesn't really suffer fools, but also loves fools, you know?
- [14:57]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good way to put it.
- [15:00]
Fortune Feimster
So, yeah, it took me a minute to just, like, be normal around her. And then we had this moment. It was right before I met my now wife where I was so over dating, and I just. It was hard to meet somebody. And we had this dinner with a mutual friend, and I had this sort of, like, real moment with the group of, like, I'm lonely. Or, you know, where you have one of those dinners where you just, like, spill.
- [15:33]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [15:34]
Fortune Feimster
Spill your gas out. Yeah. Where you almost, like, can't help it. I had that dinner with her, and after that, we just cut right to the chase and had, like, real conversations.
- [15:46]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah. She'll go there.
- [15:47]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Where you just are like, yeah, we don't need that. Like, that sort of, like, small talk thing. Anymore. Like, let's just cut to the chase. And then. And then when she reached out, and then. So I'd see. You know, we'd see each other socially over years, and. And then she reached out about wanting to do a podcast, and I was like, oh, my God, that. Now that would be fun. Because May's in their 30s, I'm in my 40s, Tig's in her 50s. So we're kind of coming from a different era, and we're getting asked a question, and we don't know what it's going to be and allows us all to answer it in a way that we're seeing it from totally different perspectives.
- [16:31]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [16:32]
Fortune Feimster
And at any given moment, one of us has no clue what the other one's talking about. And people are, like, yelling at their phones. Like, how do you not know that's funny what this thing is? Yeah.
- [16:43]
Mike Birbiglia
Do you. You have this line in your special where you talk about being married and you go. People say, don't go to bed angry, but I go to bed angry. Bears do it. I was like, that's a funny joke, but I'm going break that apart. Do you believe that? Do you think that's true? Or do you think it's just a hibernate?
- [17:03]
Fortune Feimster
They don't want to deal with it?
- [17:06]
Mike Birbiglia
Do you have you have. You had that? Have a good outcome. You've gone to bed angry with your wife and woken up, and it's like, things are good.
- [17:16]
Fortune Feimster
I think it depends on who you're with. Right. There's some people that are like, we are working this out now. Why have a bad night's sleep? But my wife is such that if you let her be, she really does, like, process it. She needs to, like, walk away. And I used to think that, like, it was infuriating. I'd be like, what? What? In the middle of a fight, you know? And, like, it was just. I learned that that's how she chilled out. Like, kind of. If she, like, especially if she was kind of being unreasonable on the thing, it let her go most of the time.
- [17:56]
Mike Birbiglia
Let's be honest.
- [17:57]
Fortune Feimster
Long friends agree with that. She would argue that I did something to annoy her.
- [18:04]
Mike Birbiglia
Sure, sure.
- [18:06]
Fortune Feimster
Which is probably true, especially if it involved.
- [18:08]
Mike Birbiglia
I've heard that kind of bullshit before.
- [18:11]
Fortune Feimster
Especially house cleaning, which is not my strong suit. But, yeah, she just needs a minute. And once I learn, like, just let her be.
- [18:20]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [18:20]
Fortune Feimster
She'll come back down, you know, 30 minutes. And it is like dealing with another person. She's chill, she's good. We, like, sorted out in a, like, chill, chiller way.
- [18:33]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [18:34]
Fortune Feimster
And so for me, yeah, going to bed angry was fine.
- [18:38]
Mike Birbiglia
It's okay.
- [18:38]
Fortune Feimster
It's okay.
- [18:40]
Mike Birbiglia
I wonder why that's the cliche. Don't go to bed angry. I mean, it is a thing they say at weddings a lot. It's like a piece of advice for married couples.
- [18:48]
Fortune Feimster
I guess the bigger thing is, like, don't let. Just don't sweep things into the rug.
- [18:53]
Mike Birbiglia
Right.
- [18:54]
Fortune Feimster
Let it fester, which I don't repress at all.
- [18:57]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [18:58]
Fortune Feimster
I wouldn't say, like, we wake up the next morning and, like, the problem solved.
- [19:02]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [19:03]
Fortune Feimster
It's just that we're in a better space to talk about it than when we were heated. So I don't want to sweep it under the rug. Totally. But I also don't want to, like, fight. Fight.
- [19:11]
Mike Birbiglia
Right. You and I have this thing in common, which is in your specialty. You talk about how rich people when you were young, have, like, ice. Like, ice crushers.
- [19:20]
Fortune Feimster
That's right. Crushed, crushed ice machines. That means you're rich.
- [19:24]
Mike Birbiglia
So mine was an old man in the pool. Rich people would have the doorbell chimes. It would go, bing bong, bing bong.
- [19:33]
Fortune Feimster
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
- [19:35]
Mike Birbiglia
Those people are rich. I was thinking about that. Neither of those things really indicate even being rich and stuff. But in our mind, in your mind, why are those two things rich people things, the doorbell and the ice crushing. I think it's just. What is the thing you really don't need?
- [19:56]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, exactly.
- [19:57]
Mike Birbiglia
Like what you really don't need. A fancy doorbell.
- [20:01]
Fortune Feimster
I don't know. It's just. It's. I think, too, like, if you grow up with not much money, any thing that's outside of the norm.
- [20:10]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [20:10]
Fortune Feimster
Feels extravagant.
- [20:12]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [20:13]
Fortune Feimster
And so, yeah, we had my fridge and freezer. Had the trays.
- [20:20]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [20:21]
Fortune Feimster
I had to work for that ice.
- [20:22]
Mike Birbiglia
Oh, yeah.
- [20:23]
Fortune Feimster
I had to take that tray, put water in it, spill it across the kitchen floor, put it in the freezer where it spilled halfway. And you got, like, half cubes.
- [20:32]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [20:32]
Fortune Feimster
And I do it over and over and over. You're telling me a machine.
- [20:36]
Mike Birbiglia
Oh, a machine could do this for me.
- [20:39]
Fortune Feimster
That's rich.
- [20:42]
Mike Birbiglia
You're. So. You have all these stories. So you have, like, this honeymoon story, I think is hilarious. How. How much do you exaggerate in a story versus, like. What's your line?
- [20:52]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Well, every story that I tell is happen.
- [20:58]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [20:58]
Fortune Feimster
Is the whole story. Like, all the stuff with my mom, those phone calls happened.
- [21:05]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [21:05]
Fortune Feimster
She fell in a cemetery. She drove off a cliff. All these things happen. I do the embellishing comes with the punchlines.
- [21:15]
Mike Birbiglia
Sure.
- [21:16]
Fortune Feimster
You know, like, I'm going to have her say something funnier than, like, the mundane thing she said on the phone, you know, so for me, it's like, I'm going to take this thing that happened and, like, how can I make it so that people listen to it for eight minutes? You know, if my mom's telling her for eight minutes, good luck. Good luck. So I'm like, what can I do to structure this in a way that's like, where I'm. I'm taking you on this little journey. So I have to set it up in a way that's more than what she told me. Like, you know, this happened and then this happened, and then I create this tension and. But we. We figure it out. You know, she figures it out this way and.
- [21:56]
Mike Birbiglia
Right.
- [21:56]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. So I. The embellishment is like. For example, when I talk about her driving off a cliff in the real story, she's like, you know, I drove off a cliff. Like, that's it, you know, and that's funny, but it doesn't give it the, you know, thing you need. You try to, as, you know, the end of these stories give it a little oomph. So I wrote. Cause she has said this many times in life, and I'm like, well, this is the thing she says all the time. I'm gonna tag it with this. Which is. It was bound to happen one of these days, you know, so it's just like. Yeah. Giving some to it.
- [22:38]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [22:38]
Fortune Feimster
And that's where the embellishment comes is. Yeah. Just making it funnier.
- [22:43]
Mike Birbiglia
Do you feel like there's any part of your life you haven't talked about on stage yet that you have, like, a block against or like, you're just not ready to go there?
- [22:54]
Fortune Feimster
I don't reveal, like, super personal stuff about my relationship.
- [22:59]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [23:00]
Fortune Feimster
There's not a lot that is there as far as, like, secrets or hardships. But I don't. I don't. Like, I'm not mining it in a way where I'm like, what are all the things I can talk about my relationship? I. I tell. Like the. Like us fighting on a train in a quiet car. Like, that was funny.
- [23:20]
Mike Birbiglia
Right.
- [23:20]
Fortune Feimster
But I'm not, like, dissecting our marriage or so I'm not. I haven't gone to that extent with that. I. I don't know. My grandmother, I'm not really. Like, she was someone who helped raise me and was like, a really important part of my Life. And she died of cancer when I was 18. And she waited for me to go to college to. I mean, it's weird to say she waited to pass away, but that was kind of what.
- [23:54]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [23:54]
Fortune Feimster
The hoity toity people in my life felt, which I kind of. I agree with. Like, so that was a very difficult part of my life that, like, I think changed me. And I don't. I haven't really ever dug into that just. Cause it's. I'm past the sadness for the most part. Even though I miss her, but I just haven't found a way to, like, what's. What's the funny part of it, you know?
- [24:22]
Mike Birbiglia
Right.
- [24:23]
Fortune Feimster
So I.
- [24:23]
Mike Birbiglia
Because you were so close with her.
- [24:25]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. And just watching someone you love who was like. She was such a. Like everything to me, seeing her be sick and die was just sticks with me in a way that I haven't been able to be. Like, that was hilarious that. Giving her morphine at night, you know?
- [24:47]
Mike Birbiglia
So.
- [24:47]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. I don't know if. But I also love her and what she did for me. And she was. Who wanted my mom to name me Fortune. Like, and my mom thought it was too big of a name. And so, like, I started Fortune's my middle name. And it's what I started going by when I started comedy as a nod to her.
- [25:11]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [25:12]
Fortune Feimster
My little Carol Burnett ear. Ear tug. And then I just quickly realized that I am Fortune. Like, I don't really resonate with my first name. And. Yeah, she just was a big part of, like, helping me get to that point. I just felt like she. She kind of knew me before I knew myself. She, like, saw something in me long before I could see any value there. She was so, like, on my team.
- [25:43]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [25:44]
Fortune Feimster
You know, just like that. Unconditional love and. Yeah. So I'd love to, like, at some point dig into that, but I don't know what that looks like, you know?
- [25:54]
Mike Birbiglia
Well, that. Well, certainly that's what you. I mean, I don't obviously didn't know your grandmother, but that you. You exude that.
- [26:00]
Fortune Feimster
Oh, thank you.
- [26:01]
Mike Birbiglia
You exude like a calm. I feel like when I watch your specials, it's like you just. You give yourself to the audience. You're kind of like. You're there for them.
- [26:14]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [26:15]
Mike Birbiglia
Sometimes though, when I watch standup, I'm like, this person is. The jokes are funny, but, like, I don't know if where they are.
- [26:22]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [26:22]
Mike Birbiglia
And I feel like you're really present with your crowd.
- [26:25]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. Well, I think I just love it. I really love it.
- [26:40]
Mike Birbiglia
Support for working it out comes from Aura Frames. Like a lot of people, my family members are not the most tech savvy. So it seems weird to get the tech adjacent gift right. However, Aura Frames digital frame is actually perfect because yes, it's tech, but it's super, super duper easy. You load a bunch of photos on a bunch of personal photos. It's like having a playlist of your favorite photos just sitting there in a physical frame in your living room, on your desk, on your bookcase. There's no memory cards or USB required. There is a reason that wirecutter named Aura Frames the number one best digital photo frame. It's just one of those perfect gift items. Save on that perfect gift item by visiting auraframes.com to get 35 bucks off Aura's best selling Carver mat frames by using promo code WIO. That's for working it out. WIO at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code W. This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Support for working it out comes from Helix. We love Helix. These are great mattresses. Whenever I'm in mine, it feels like a hug. It feels like the right temperature. It feels special. Like it just feels different from when I'm out traveling and I'm in like a hotel bed or whatever. When I'm traveling, it just feels like I'm in a primo mattress. By the way, they have so many sleep related items. Lately I've been using the weighted blanket quite a bit and it's so nice for the winter. It's just the beginning of winter, but I'm really enjoying it. We are announcing a very Special offer today. 27% off site wide plus 2 free dream pillows with any mattress purchase, free bedding bundle, two dream pillows, sheet set and mattress protector with any luxe or elite mattress order. Just go to helix sleep.com burbigs so this is a slow route. Can you remember a time in your life where you were an inauthentic version of yourself?
- [29:04]
Fortune Feimster
When I was in the closet.
- [29:05]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [29:06]
Fortune Feimster
All the time.
- [29:07]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [29:07]
Fortune Feimster
But not knowing, you know. Yeah, I wasn't doing it on purpose. But I think about that those times of like trying to like men in that way. Like I love men. I have so many guy friends. I have two older brothers. So it was never like, I don't genuinely like men, but just trying to like have that rapport with them.
- [29:28]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [29:28]
Fortune Feimster
In a way that's like where your pheromones are Supposed to be.
- [29:33]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [29:33]
Fortune Feimster
Talking with each other.
- [29:35]
Mike Birbiglia
Sure.
- [29:35]
Fortune Feimster
It was a very awkward time.
- [29:38]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [29:38]
Fortune Feimster
For me and yeah. Just trying to be like, oh yeah, he's. Oh boy, he's cute. Yeah. You know, it just felt so forced then.
- [29:49]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [29:50]
Fortune Feimster
And then like trying to dress girlier, more feminine. That felt so inauthentic. I look back at some of those outfits and yeah, not great. You and my mom waited on the.
- [30:03]
Mike Birbiglia
Debutant stuff, no less, where you're like the outfits are really specifically fancy.
- [30:10]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. My mom would take me shopping to like the old lady stores. So everything had like shoulder pads and they were like colors like burnt orange.
- [30:21]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [30:22]
Fortune Feimster
Like throw up green like this. No one's wearing this age. So I'm trying to be a more feminine girl, but I just look like a six year old woman.
- [30:34]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [30:35]
Fortune Feimster
That's like homely and doesn't know how to dress. So that felt very inauthentic.
- [30:42]
Mike Birbiglia
Do you remember a time in your life where you laughed but you weren't supposed to?
- [30:46]
Fortune Feimster
Oh my gosh, like all the time. I laugh when I'm uncomfortable. I mean, I laugh all the time anyway. It's not just when I'm uncomfortable, but I have laughed at times when things have been revealed that are not funny and I can't, I don't know why I can't pull off a specific example for you, but I remember the feeling of being mortified that I laughed and I just say to the person, like, I'm laughing because I'm uncomfortable.
- [31:16]
Mike Birbiglia
Right. Oh, that's a good way to address it.
- [31:19]
Fortune Feimster
I did kiss someone once and laughed.
- [31:21]
Mike Birbiglia
Oh, really?
- [31:22]
Fortune Feimster
That did not go over well.
- [31:24]
Mike Birbiglia
And you laughed because you just were like, oh, this isn't quite right.
- [31:27]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was long, long, long time ago. And I don't know why I just started laughing. In hindsight, it was not someone that, you know, I was kind of just how you do when you're young, like I guess we'll kiss and.
- [31:48]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [31:48]
Fortune Feimster
But like that, like we're kind of into each other but not really. We don't really know each other.
- [31:53]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [31:53]
Fortune Feimster
And then I think the like responsible part of my brain goes, what are you doing?
- [31:58]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [31:58]
Fortune Feimster
Like you don't really know this person.
- [32:00]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [32:01]
Fortune Feimster
And then I, I just chuckled.
- [32:03]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [32:03]
Fortune Feimster
And yeah, it, that, that ended that. There was no, there's no real coming back from that.
- [32:10]
Mike Birbiglia
Right, right.
- [32:11]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. I thought I could kind of be like, hey, never, never mind, let's. It doesn't work.
- [32:18]
Mike Birbiglia
What's the best piece of advice anyone's given you that you used.
- [32:25]
Fortune Feimster
Two pieces of advice, which is funny because one involves my mom and one involves my wife. And both of them are the whole subject of my special my mom's advice to me. I used to worry all the time. I think my brain would just go in overdrive. I would have a hard time sleeping, this is more like college. And just always worried to the point where it'd make me sick, like, and I didn't know how to shake it. And my mom would remind me, she would say, don't borrow trouble.
- [32:58]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [32:59]
Fortune Feimster
Because I was always worrying about what could happen. She'd always be like, why are you worrying? You know, don't borrow that trouble. Like, it hasn't even happened. It may never happen. You're worried about nothing. And so that finally sunk in when I moved to LA and I just like, let it go. Like, I just let go. And now I think I need to worry more. I'm like the complete opposite of it. But I just sort of really took that to heart. And so I remember that a lot. And then I had someone tell me once, when it came to relationships, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? And I was like, oh, that stuck with me because there was a long period of time where I was determined to be right and to prove that I was right about this thing. And I'm like, after a while you're like, what is that getting me? Sometimes you get the victory of being right. But at what cost?
- [34:15]
Mike Birbiglia
Support for working it out comes from Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile offers wireless for $15 a month with the purchase of a three month plan. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan. Bring your own phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Mint Mob also offers plans for kids and seniors. Find out how easy it is to switch to Mint mobile and get three months of premium wireless service for 15 bucks a month. To get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com burbigs mintmobile.com Burbigs cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month. At mintmobile.com burbigs there is a $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to 15 bucks a month. This is for new customers only on the first three months. Plan speeds are slower above 40 gigabytes on the unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See mint mobile.com for details. So this Is a section of the show where we work out material. New jokes. Do you have any new jokes that you're working on?
- [35:28]
Fortune Feimster
I'm, like, in the thick of trying to figure out everything. Yeah. I don't. I don't really come up with a narrative until I'm, like, halfway through tour. So right now it's just, like, I'm going through stories of like. Like, childhood stories right now. Because I always love kind of digging into those.
- [35:50]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [35:51]
Fortune Feimster
Every special I've done has at least one or two throwbacks to childhood, so I'm working on one. My mom was my troop leader when I was in girl scouts, and we were five years old, and she decided to take our girl scout troop to a haunted house. And it was like us screaming bloody murder for. You know, every room got worse and worse and worse. And just like, to the point where midway through the haunted house, they had to turn the lights on and stop. They had to stop the haunted house. You broke the haunted house, Turn the lights on in. In hopes of showing us that it's not real. But all it did was we. Before, we were just afraid of the sounds.
- [36:41]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [36:42]
Fortune Feimster
Now we can see blood.
- [36:43]
Mike Birbiglia
Sure.
- [36:43]
Fortune Feimster
We can see chainsaws. So it just made it like 10 times worse. Yeah.
- [36:47]
Mike Birbiglia
And almost kind of affirms your paranoia about it that, like, that, like, we needed to turn the lights on because maybe it was gonna get worse and we would be murdered by the characters.
- [37:01]
Fortune Feimster
And just us climbing on top of my dad and my brothers just could not get any reprieve from our just being terrified.
- [37:10]
Mike Birbiglia
You talk about the haunted house. So you had in your specialty. You talk about having. Growing up in kind of the most notoriously haunted house in your town.
- [37:21]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [37:22]
Mike Birbiglia
Do you? I mean, for me, it stoked the question, do you believe in ghosts?
- [37:29]
Fortune Feimster
It's funny because I do, but I've never seen one. You know what I mean?
- [37:36]
Mike Birbiglia
Right.
- [37:37]
Fortune Feimster
I mean, you could say that about people's belief in God.
- [37:40]
Mike Birbiglia
Sure.
- [37:40]
Fortune Feimster
My mom swears that she's had these experiences, and my mom is quirky, as you can see from watching my special, But I've never seen one. I think I believe in ghosts.
- [37:53]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [37:53]
Fortune Feimster
But the jury's out. Yeah, yeah, sure. So digging into that and then. Yeah, like, you know, it's building every story. And start. I like, I did a show in Charlotte last week at the Comedy Zone, where I. Because I. It's a local crowd. They know me. They give me a little bit more grace. So I say to them, you know, I'm going to just tell you what happened? And so for the first chunk of the show, I just told them, yeah, this is what happened. And I see from their reactions what's interesting.
- [38:29]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah. What's interesting to them.
- [38:30]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, yeah.
- [38:31]
Mike Birbiglia
You do see from people's reaction, even just smiling or cringing or whatever it is. Like, you kind of see what's there and what's not there.
- [38:40]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. And if it's a lot of silence in a way that's not just like, we're listening, but it's more like you're like, okay, I'm gonna shy away from that part of the story. Maybe that's the, you know, trim the fat there.
- [38:52]
Mike Birbiglia
Well, it's funny. Like, I. I shouldn't do this, but every now and then, I'll look on, you know, user reviews of my shows.
- [38:59]
Fortune Feimster
Oh, yeah.
- [39:00]
Mike Birbiglia
Someone recently said, because I talk a lot about this show.
- [39:02]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [39:03]
Mike Birbiglia
About religion. And someone wrote in a user review, like, I walked out of the show. It was in, like, Detroit or something. It was like, a few weeks ago. I walked out of the show because they were like, I can take a few jokes about religion, but it was too much, you know, Catholic bashing. And it's funny because I don't perceive myself that way.
- [39:22]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, yeah.
- [39:23]
Mike Birbiglia
Like, I don't. I don't perceive my. I perceive myself as a comedian playing devil's advocate to things that are institutional.
- [39:31]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [39:32]
Mike Birbiglia
There's a billion and a half people in the world who are Catholic, and I was raised Catholic, so I feel like, yeah, that's an institution you could poke fun at, but, like, it's tough when you get that kind of feedback. So I've been working on this joke that I think I've talked about on this podcast before, where I go. I, you know, I'm raising my daughter. I'm trying to figure out how to raise her, what religion. I don't really feel like I want to raise her Catholic, but I also don't want to raise her to be an atheist because. What's that? Like, grandma's dead and there's no further information at this time.
- [40:03]
Fortune Feimster
You know what I mean? It doesn't feel hopeful. And then you do, like, some hope and.
- [40:07]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah, yeah. Some kind of. Some kind of tinge of positivity and. And then. And people will ding me for that. They'll go, atheism is positive. Blah, blah, blah. All right. No, I know.
- [40:17]
Fortune Feimster
I know it's positive. You're like, I'm making jokes.
- [40:19]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah, yeah, I know, exactly. But then the. The joke I started doing a month or two ago is about how I do admire my friends who pray. My mom prays. And I go, my Muslim friends pray five times a day. Which I just think, you know, that I can't get myself to drink water five times a day. You're talking to a fake person. And then I say to the audience, I go, it's that. Yeah, I'm not saying it's a fake person. I'm just saying, like, if you're praying five times a day, chances are one out of those five times you're thinking, this isn't real. And that's not anti religion. That's pro statistics.
- [40:55]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah.
- [40:56]
Mike Birbiglia
So I've been doing that. But have you ever had jokes in your specials or your tour where people have push back on it and said, hey, I wish you wouldn't talk about this?
- [41:07]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, I think it was. It's interesting. I've had. I don't usually seek out the comments.
- [41:17]
Mike Birbiglia
And of course I shouldn't, but.
- [41:18]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, but occasionally people will email me or DM me because they want me to know how they feel. And that's fine. Many people say lovely things and then you get a handful of others. Because I think I did a show where part of the theater's deal was they had like season ticket holders, so they get a certain amount for their people.
- [41:42]
Mike Birbiglia
I've had this kind of thing. Sure.
- [41:44]
Fortune Feimster
And so I've gotten emails from people like that who didn't know who I was or they weren't familiar with my material. Now, I am gay. That's just part of who I am. So any. I'm not setting out to tell gay stories. It is just like I'm telling you a story about being married. I happen to be gay, so that's just gonna be part of it.
- [42:08]
Mike Birbiglia
Right.
- [42:08]
Fortune Feimster
But if a. If a straight person told you a married story, they're just telling you a story about marriage. But because I'm gay, I'm telling. According to this person, I'm now telling a gay story.
- [42:17]
Mike Birbiglia
Really?
- [42:18]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. So they were like too many gay stories.
- [42:21]
Mike Birbiglia
Oh, my gosh.
- [42:24]
Fortune Feimster
She's. You're just throw, like shoving it down everyone's throats. And I'm like. And I think. And she goes, and your merch was gay and it was too gay.
- [42:37]
Mike Birbiglia
What's your. That makes me wonder, what's your merch?
- [42:40]
Fortune Feimster
Just all this. Everything's gay.
- [42:44]
Mike Birbiglia
I want some of that gay merch. What is it?
- [42:46]
Fortune Feimster
In her defense, there is one very gay shirt and it says lesbian swimsuit. That is very gay.
- [42:54]
Mike Birbiglia
Yeah.
- [42:55]
Fortune Feimster
Because I tell a joke in a special about how I swim with a T shirt cut off and a pair of sweatpants. That's my lesbian swimsuit. So I sell a shirt that says lesbian swimsuit, but literally every other piece of merch is like, the name of my tour was Live Laugh, Love. And then I had, like. I think I had good fortune, which was the name of my last special. And a rainbow.
- [43:18]
Mike Birbiglia
Sure.
- [43:19]
Fortune Feimster
So to her, that's very controversial.
- [43:22]
Mike Birbiglia
Yes, sure.
- [43:23]
Fortune Feimster
So I just thought that was a funny. Where was that? Where.
- [43:26]
Mike Birbiglia
What state?
- [43:27]
Fortune Feimster
That was in Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania, yeah. Which. But in a more rural area that I would get.
- [43:33]
Mike Birbiglia
Central Pennsylvania.
- [43:34]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. I had not done that area before, and I just thought that was such a funny. And, you know, other people have said that I've seen that before, like, stop being so gay or something, like, gay stuff. And I'm like, I'm just telling you who I am. I'm not, like, talking about, like, I don't even know what would be considered a gay story, but any.
- [43:56]
Mike Birbiglia
Well, if you came out on stage and said you all should be gay.
- [43:59]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah, that would be different. And. But any story I tell you about my life is gonna have a gay tent to it just by the fact that I have a wife. Sure.
- [44:08]
Mike Birbiglia
It's your story.
- [44:09]
Fortune Feimster
Yes.
- [44:09]
Mike Birbiglia
My story is you're a storyteller.
- [44:11]
Fortune Feimster
Yeah. So I just thought that was funny.
- [44:14]
Mike Birbiglia
That's wild.
- [44:15]
Fortune Feimster
But when she started talking about all the gay murder shells, like, all right. I think you just don't like gay people.
- [44:20]
Mike Birbiglia
Right? Yeah. It really puts my Catholic complaints in perspective. Well, this has been lovely. The last thing we do is we do working out for cause. And if there's a nonprofit that you like to contribute to, we will contribute to them. We'll link to them in the show notes and encourage people to contribute as well.
- [44:47]
Fortune Feimster
Okay, awesome. There's an organization called Girls, Inc. It's a very cool organization that helps girls in areas where they're not getting the money that they need or it helps them go to school, helps them get books. It has after school programs where it focuses on building the girls in communities and just giving them. Helping them find their voice. And it's a very cool organization that helps them.
- [45:18]
Mike Birbiglia
That's awesome. I love that. So we'll contribute to Girls, Inc. And we'll link to them in the show notes and Fortune. This was such a pleasure, Mike.
- [45:27]
Fortune Feimster
Thanks for having me.
- [45:28]
Mike Birbiglia
Continued hilarity and joy that you bring to the earth.
- [45:33]
Fortune Feimster
Thank you. This is great.
- [45:35]
Mike Birbiglia
Working it out because it's not done. We're working it out because there's no. That's going to do it for another episode of Working It Out. Check out Fortune's special Crushing it on Netflix. She is indeed crushing it. Her Instagram is at Fortune Feimster. You can watch the full video of this episode on our YouTube page @Mike Birbiglia and subscribe to that page and so you get more and more of our videos. We're spending a lot of time putting out little special videos for you. Check out burbigs.com to sign up for the mailing list and be the first to know about my upcoming shows. Our producers of Working it out are myself, along with Peter Salomon, Joseph Birbiglia and Mabel Lewis associate producer Gary Simons Sound mixed by Ben Cruz supervising engineer Kate Belinsky. Special thanks to Jack Antonov and Bleachers for their music, including their hot new Christmas song. Special thanks as always to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein and of course our daughter Una, who built the original radio fort made of pillows, which takes away the echo in the room. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. If you enjoy the show, please rate and review it on Apple Podcasts. It helps us out. We are so many episodes in. We have over 150 episodes since 2020 when we started the podcast. When we had nothing else and we couldn't go anywhere and we couldn't do shows, we did this podcast and now we love the podcast and all the episodes are free. No paywall. We're not one of those. For now, who knows? We've had some incredible guests. Lin Manuel Miranda, Jim Gaffigan, Maria Bamford. Check out our back catalog and comment on Apple Podcasts. Which one is your favorite? That's. That's how people know which one to start with. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. Let's say I'm just throwing a scenario out. There's a ghost in your house. I'm not saying there is, but imagine there is and you believe in ghosts and the ghost appears before you and says boo or something. Ghost like. Like boo. Don't scream. Don't run away. Say hey there ghost. Hey there little creepy frontier era child or old prospector ghost. You should check out this this podcast is called Mike Birbiglia is Working it Out. This comedian Mike Birbiglia works out material with other comedians. You probably haven't heard of any of them because you've been dead for 300 years, but I think Mike Birbiglia provides enough context for you to get the gist of it. Then your haunting will become a hangout. And then you'll all be listening to Working It Out. Thanks, everybody. We'll see you next time.