Podcast Summary

Podcast: Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out

Episode 190: "J. Hope Stein: Eavesdropping on the Eavesdropper"
Date: November 3, 2025
Host: Mike Birbiglia
Guest: J. Hope Stein (Poet, Author, Mike’s wife)
Special Appearances: Pete Holmes, Val

Episode Overview

In this playful yet deeply authentic episode, comedian Mike Birbiglia invites his wife, acclaimed poet J. Hope Stein, for a candid and often hilarious conversation about marriage, creativity, poetry, and the blurry lines between public and private selves. Through readings of new poems, honest reflections, and even an impromptu call with comedian Pete Holmes and his wife Val, the episode explores the intersection of comedy and poetry, the art of creative feedback, and the joys and absurdities of long-term relationships. The tone alternates between loving teasing, gentle introspection, and bursts of comic improvisation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Podcast Me” vs. “Real Me” Conundrum

• The Dynamic at Home vs On-Air
  • Jenny playfully calls out Mike for being “kinder” and more upbeat with podcast guests than at home ([04:05]).
  • “Sometimes around our apartment, you’ll say to me, I want you to be like you are with the guests on your podcast.” – Mike ([04:02])
  • They joke about the myth that comedians are always funny at home, with stories about Mike being “very serious” offstage ([05:16]).
  • Jenny’s love of the podcast personality, “It’s like the best parts of you without the challenges. And I love the challenges.” ([06:52])

2. Inside the Creative Partnership: Jokes and Poems

• Joint Performances at Joe’s Pub
  • Mike and Jenny discuss their collaborative shows that blend stand-up and poetry, where the flow is intentionally unplanned and spontaneous ([12:07]).
  • The contrast and synergy between comedy and poetry: “Poetry is comedy. Comedy is poetry. They're similar. They're both brevity.” – Mike ([19:53])
  • The poetry marketplace’s challenges: “If you look at the poetry section in stores, you’re like, ‘Oh, wow. Tumbleweed.’” ([13:11])
• On Creative Process and Feedback
  • Jenny values feedback that reflects a collaborator’s honest “take” on her work, not suggestions that steer her away from her voice ([31:36], [32:09]).
  • They poke fun at how comedy feedback is direct (“Is that funny?”), while poetry requires more nuanced engagement ([31:09]).

3. Poetry Readings and the Power of the Typo

• "Holy"/"Bless the Typo" Poem

  • Jenny reads a poem exalting the beauty of mistakes and typos:

    “Bless each misspoken and misspelled word... Bless the typo. They are truths being whispered to us by the miracle of a botched letter. I am sad to kiss your party. I mean, I am sad to moss your party.” ([17:55])

  • Discussion about the joy of unplanned slips in language – as “spiritual” and a metaphor for the creative mind.

• "The Grown Ups and the Growing" Poem

  • A poetic exploration of adulthood versus growth, channeling “The Little Prince”:

    “On my planet, there’s two kinds of people. The grown ups and the growing. But there’s something wrong with our grownups… they walk the planet as if they have nothing new to learn.” ([21:40])

  • Dual message: prompts kids to be wary of "grownups" and encourages adults to remember to keep growing ([25:08]).

• "Eavesdropping" Poem (Written for a Film Character)

  • Written in the voice of a mother quietly listening to her daughter, blending observation and longing:

    “It’s not considered spying exactly. Just listening the way one would open a window and listen to birds... You can only catch glimpses of it now, like when you meet her somewhere and there’s a moment you see her and she doesn’t realize you’re there.” ([26:50])

  • Mike’s reaction: “I love that poem so much. It’s hard. I have to hold myself back from crying...” ([29:10])

4. The "Plane Crash" Bit: Comedy, Reality, and Relationship

• Mike’s Stand-up Bit About Marital Dynamics in Crisis
  • Mike reads his “Plane Crash” routine, about how even in disaster, the couple would devolve into gentle bickering ([35:18]).

    “My greatest fear is being in a plane crash with my wife. Not because I don’t love her, but because somehow I feel like I would be blamed for the plane crash.” ([35:18])

  • Jenny reframes the bit: “To me at this moment, it reflects more about what your internal monologue is in life. And it’s like a cry for help than it has to do with me.” ([36:56])
  • They discuss ideas for responding poetically to such bits, debating whether to “punch back” or offer a “disarmingly loving” rejoinder ([39:54]).

5. Navigating Marriage, Extroversion, and Partnership

• On Doing What the Other Person Wants

  • They reflect on the paradox of marital compromise, where both partners try to defer to the other – sometimes for years ([44:08]).
  • “So it’s a lot of, like, whatever you want to do, whatever you want to do... and then it’s 20 years later and no one’s done what anyone wants to do.” – Mike ([45:09])

• Introvert/Extrovert Dynamics

  • Jenny’s “Introvert Slow Round”: Discussing her “extrovert era” in youth and preference for low-key, non-talkative party company ([50:20]).
  • “I like the quiet people and I like the people who don’t need to talk so much, who just sort of... just enjoy each other’s lives.” – Jenny ([51:26])

6. The Rhythms of Long-Term Marriage (with Pete Holmes and Val)

• Changing Habits and Missing the Old Flow
  • Jenny fondly recalls the era where Mike would take phone calls on speaker, letting her “chime in” with friends like Pete ([54:33]).
  • They call Pete Holmes (and Val) live, reminiscing about their old shared “energy flow” and debating whether offloading “bro time” is protective or just a normal need ([56:13]).
  • Notable moment: Pete imagines Mike looking “like one of those transparent pieces of paper you put on an overhead projector... a sleepy dad writes equations on” ([59:11]).

7. Poignancy and Playfulness: Final Thoughts on Marriage and Art

• Mutual Love and Teasing

  • “I love you.” – Mike ([45:20])
  • “I love you, too.” – Jenny ([45:20])
  • They gently debate who gets their way more often ([45:49]).

• Notable Charitable Contribution

  • Jenny chooses the Children's Hospital in Los Angeles for the episode's charity ([60:13]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “It’s like the best parts of you without the challenges, and I love the challenges.” – Jenny, [06:52]
• “Poetry is comedy. Comedy is poetry. They're just... They're both brevity. Their brevity is the soul of wit, art forms.” – Mike, [19:53]
• "Bless the typo. They are truths being whispered to us by the miracle of a botched letter." – Jenny (poem), [17:59]
• "On my planet, there’s two kinds of people. The grown ups and the growing. But there’s something wrong with our grownups..." – Jenny (poem), [21:40]
• “To me at this moment, it reflects more about what your internal monologue is in life. And it’s like a cry for help than it has to do with me.” – Jenny (on Mike’s plane crash routine), [36:56]
• "So it's a lot of, like, whatever you want to do... And then it's 20 years later and no one's done what anyone wants to do." – Mike, [45:09]
• “I like the quiet people and...the people who don’t need to talk so much, who just sort of... just enjoy each other's lives.” – Jenny, [51:26]
• “When you live with someone for like, what, 20 years or something... you have all these patterns...And part of our flow...was that you’re always on the phone." – Jenny, [54:03]
• “I want to chime in. You want to be a sidecar on a motorcycle.” – Jenny & Mike, [54:48]
• “I think Mike and I... crave a little bit of bro time.” – Pete Holmes, [58:36]
• "Old Blueberry Eyes fixed it up." – Mike, [59:56]

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment | Description | |------------|------------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00-03:17| Intro/banter | Light marital joking, episode setup | | 04:02-07:00| "Podcast Me" vs. Home Me | Jenny’s critique of Mike’s podcast persona | | 12:07-14:09| "Jokes and Poems" Process | How they improvise their live shows | | 17:55-19:19| "Bless the Typo" Poem Read | Jenny reads a poem celebrating mistakes | | 21:40-23:42| "The Grown Ups and the Growing" Poem | Jenny’s new book excerpt, dual message for all ages | | 26:50-29:34| "Eavesdropping" Poem | Written for a movie, the poignancy of parenthood | | 35:18-36:47| Mike's "Plane Crash" Stand-Up Bit | Marriage & disaster routine, reflected on by Jenny | | 54:03-56:13| Phone Call Habits and Missing Pete Holmes| Marital routines, introvert/extrovert partnership | | 56:13-59:52| Surprise Call to Pete & Val | Reminiscing, marriage advice, comedic riffing | | 60:13-60:53| Charity Segment | Jenny chooses Children's Hospital LA |

Overall Tone & Takeaways

• Tone: Intimate, playful, affectionate, self-deprecating, literary, and occasionally philosophical.
• For Listeners: This episode offers an unusually personal look at both the comic and poetic mindset, united by the shared life of Mike and Jenny. It’s a must-listen for anyone interested in creative process, marriage, or how the best art is often rooted in the specifics of daily life (and love).

Additional Highlights

• Listener Engagement: They encourage listeners to email with art/book ideas ([24:33]).
• Premium & Live Shows: Mike plugs live shows and premium podcast features ([03:11], [09:02]).
• Meta-Humor: Jenny jokes, “I live here,” at the episode’s end, punctuating both her role as guest and partner ([60:55]).

For more:

• Follow J. Hope Stein on Instagram: [@jhopestein]
• Pick up her book, Little Astronaut
• Check out upcoming “Jokes and Poems” shows at [burbigs.com]