← Daring Forever (Find your Extraordinary)
Daring Forever (Find your Extraordinary)
Five minute magic pt. 54 - Understanding our thoughts, stress and the right signals
00:12:30
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Welcome to Five Minute Magic from the Mindful Creative Podcast, a short bonus episode sharing tips and insights from the pages of the book of the same title. Every week, I'll be sharing one or two ideas that can give you an actionable takeaway for your creative process, your work, your business, or just food for thought for the weekend ahead. These episodes share content from the audiobook and you can find the link to the full version in the show Notes below. In this episode of Five Minute Magic, we are continuing with the content shares from the section titled Mindful. This time it's a bumper episode about understanding and acceptance. We'll zoom in on understanding of our thoughts, how to spot and understand stress, and how to tune in the right signals.
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Self understanding and acceptance. Throughout all of this, please remember that I'm not telling you to be like me or like anyone else where I've used examples of others. It's as an illustration of the power of someone who has adopted mindful techniques to bring out the best in them. The difference between being inspired by someone and emulating them is subtle but crucial. Just because someone appears Zen AF to us is it doesn't mean that they're like that all of the time. And besides, we might be making up yet another story in our minds that we're failing to be just like them. Once again, our interpretation isn't necessarily a true reflection of reality. We can be inspired by how we want to be to others and use that inspiration to become the best version of ourselves. And we can be inspired by anyone. It can be peers, partners, friends, co workers, and even, or maybe especially, our children. What's more, we can use that kind of inspiration most effectively when we understand and accept ourselves. When we know our strengths and weaknesses and don't fight them, ignore them or belittle them. This is where therapy and coaching can help you to bring out the best version of yourself. Understanding Our Thoughts I mentioned above that our thoughts are always going to be there. Our minds will never be short of them. Some thoughts are positive, some are negative and some are intrusive. Positive thoughts can come in the form of affirmations reminding yourself of your strengths and good qualities. Compassionate thoughts Showing kindness and understanding to yourself and others Gratitude being grateful for things however big or small and constructive problem solving Looking for helpful solutions. Negative thoughts can involve catastrophizing, imagining worst case scenarios or believing that things are bound to go wrong somehow. Overgeneralizing assuming a negative outcome because of an isolated incident Irrationally harsh self criticism which can lead you to mislabeling yourself as an idiot or a failure, etc. And rumination, a destructive version of problem solving that keeps dwelling on past mistakes and regrets, seeking answers that cannot be found. The mind is often described as a big what if machine? And for many people that's okay. Negative thoughts come and go largely unnoticed, but for others, it can feel like certain unwanted thoughts get trapped in a revolving door and go round and round. These intrusive thoughts can sometimes go beyond the negative and become terrifyingly dark. When these thoughts come up and they can arise at any time and can be triggered by seemingly trivial things, they can seem very real. But it's important to remember that they are only thoughts, they're not reality, and they don't define you. Moreover, you're far from the only person to have them. When dealing with negative thinking, the key to countering it is not to stop it. Thoughts can't be turned off the way you can turn your television off, but to acknowledge its presence and then let the thought pass on its way without tying yourself to it. Thoughts arise out of the ether. If you don't engage with them, then they'll go back into the ether. The more you try to fight them, the more they become like an invasive door to door salesperson who jams their foot in the door when you try to close it. However, if you hear them knocking, don't answer the door and don't engage with them. They'll soon go away. Mindful practices such as breathing exercises, journaling and CBT can help you to understand, accept and manage your thinking and how it may affect you and your health and well being. When these methods don't work and negative and or intrusive thoughts continue to be overwhelming, then professional therapy is there to help you. Whilst all kinds of thoughts will always be there, your thought process can often be teased in a more positive direction when you objectively understand your thoughts and make peace with both them and the things you're thinking about. If you're constantly battling everything around you, then your mind is more likely to remain stuck in a fighting victim mindset that sees everything as a grim struggle towards a victory that won't make you happy. If you accept how the day has gone and find the positives, and if you make a habit of it, then your mind will more naturally seek the positives. In any given situation, you will find yourself in touch with your mindful baseline more often. There will always be endless moments that can threaten to derail your baselines, but it's how you manage to react to them that will influence your Overall mood, stress and balance. Stressful situations, conflict and negative thoughts exist to test our resilience and defense systems. This is why it's imperative to build a strong ability to deal with them as they arise. Understanding stress in the way that our thoughts are a natural part of having a brain, stress is an inevitable part of being alive and in our bodies. Stress can be both positive and negative and its different forms have names. Positive stress is eustress. This is the kind of short term manageable stress that brings out the best in us. It can energize us and help us focus. It's the kind of stress we feel when the pressure's on, but we can rise to it and we feel it's worth it. It's when someone tasks us with something and we feel that rush of excitement and say I'm on it. Negative stress is distress. We may never have heard of eustress, but we all know what distress means. When stress in any situation, work, relationships, money, worries, long term illness, etc. Is prolonged and pushes us beyond our ability to cope, then it becomes distress and it can have profound effects on our short and long term health. We can become depressed, upset and even develop physical symptoms. We are always going to find ourselves presented with stressful situations that may be of our own doing, the consequence of someone else's actions, or simply freakish bad luck. Either way, our stress response is always physical on some level, whether our brain sends us into fight, flight or freeze. Knowing this and understanding how stress physically affects us is part of nurturing a mindful approach to our lives and work. We can also gain insight into how well we cope with stress by remembering that we don't exist in a vacuum and that our stress response can affect those around us. This isn't an exercise in shaming ourselves. It's a way of being open to how others perceive us and it can help us see ourselves in a new light. We might not realize that we become jumpy, snappy or uncommunicative when we're stressed. Or we might think that it's because we've had too much caffeine. But if someone can constructively point out how we behave when we're stressed, then we might feel a little embarrassed, but we'll ultimately get a new view of ourselves that we can use to build self awareness. Stress is a natural part of life, more so today than ever and particularly in creative lines of work. But not dealing with it consciously and productively can have huge impacts on our creativity and our physical and mental health. If nothing else, trying to cope with too much stress is exhausting on every level. When it first arises is the time we want to realize and use our mindful toolbox to head back to our baseline. Understanding the Signal so far we've looked at ways to gain insight into ourselves, but we exist in a world with other people, all of whom have their own shit to deal with. We can't always understand how they're feeling and thinking by remaining totally self absorbed. We might think we can understand, especially when we're so good at creating convincing backstories about other people and assigning all kinds of motives to them. But it's not the same thing as asking them. More than that, it's not the same thing as asking them and actually listening to what they say. Our anxiety to be heard and to prove ourselves can sometimes run roughshod over our ability to actively listen to what someone is saying. We might be too busy formulating our own thoughts. We might be so keen to get our point of view across that we talk over others. We might assume we know what's in the other person's mind and attempt to end their sentences for them. Our ego and intelligence are pushing to the forefront at the expense of our focus. Mindful presence and practice can counter these urges, which can sometimes be so hardwired that we don't even realize we're doing them. They can help us to hear what is being said, but pause and think before we reply. We always have the power to listen and then say that we don't understand, or even that we don't agree even to not have an opinion, which is perhaps an even more empowering stance in our increasingly hot take opinion driven social media society. Being interested in fully understanding what others have to say, be it clients, friends, family or podcast guests, can teach you new things, help to broaden your horizons, check your preconceptions, and cultivate the compassion that naturally arises from a more mindful approach to life. You become more curious about and more aware of why a person might do or say what they do. You'll realize that, and I mean this in a positive way, not everything is about you. Everyone is trying to navigate thoughts and stress just like you. Being interested and compassionate doesn't necessarily mean that you agree with what another person says or that you shouldn't challenge it or ask for clarity. But you can only truly work out whether you agree or understand or not by knowing yourself and being in the present moment and listening.