From the Streets of Uganda to Saving Lives: Peter Mutabazi’s Journey of Hope, Family & Second Chances

Summary

Podcast Summary: Miss Understood with Rachel Uchitel

Episode: From the Streets of Uganda to Saving Lives: Peter Mutabazi’s Journey of Hope, Family & Second Chances
Date: December 26, 2025
Host: Rachel Uchitel
Guest: Peter Mutabazi

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Overview

This episode explores the extraordinary life and mission of Peter Mutabazi, a former street child from Uganda who overcame cycles of poverty and abuse to become a passionate foster parent and advocate in the United States. Through Rachel Uchitel’s thoughtful conversation, listeners hear how Peter’s experiences of hardship, coupled with the life-changing kindness of others, inspired him to foster—and eventually adopt—over forty children, offering them hope, stability, and unconditional love. The episode highlights second chances, the realities and challenges in the foster care system, and Peter’s message that anyone can leave a transformational impact on a child’s life.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Peter’s Childhood in Uganda

• Grew up in intense poverty: only one meal every other day, usually beans and potatoes; significant childhood mortality rates in his village.
  • “For every 100 children…60 would die before the age of two. So most moms didn’t name their kids until they were two.” – Peter (04:44)
• Suffered severe abuse from his father; witnessed his mother endure similar abuse, often on behalf of her children (04:31–07:22).
• At age 10, fled his home, taking a bus as far as possible to escape domestic violence. Became a street child in Kampala, Uganda, for six years (07:22).
  • “I’d rather die, but die in the hands of a stranger than my father.” – Peter (04:56)

Life on the Streets and Rescue

• On the streets, faced dehumanization and abuse: “As a street kid, you’re treated more like a stray animal…slept in the sewer because the smell kept people away.” – Peter (08:14)
• Survival hinged on stealing food, not money. A turning point came when a stranger showed him unexpected kindness instead of hostility, repeatedly feeding him and eventually offering the chance to attend boarding school (09:18–10:53).
  • “He saw a thief, but he didn’t treat me as a thief…No one had ever seen potential in me.” – Peter (12:02)
• The promise of regular meals drew Peter to try school. Teachers and his rescuer became important role models, empowering him through affirmation and care (12:44–15:51).

Educational Journey and Inspiration

• With ongoing support, Peter finished high school and university in Uganda, earned a scholarship to study in England, and ultimately came to the United States (16:01–16:17).
• Chose studies in international business and crisis management, aiming to help children and communities in crisis (18:04–18:48).
• Worked with international charities like Red Cross, Compassion International, and World Vision, motivated to offer the hope once given to him (18:54–19:52).

Becoming a Foster and Adoptive Parent

• Shocked by the contrast of food abundance and hunger in the US foster system (20:14–21:25).
• Inspired to volunteer as a mentor and later encouraged to become a foster parent despite believing, due to his background, that only married, white people could foster.
  • “I’m black and single. In my mind, I believed the lie that you had to be white and married.” – Peter (20:44)
• Completed foster parent training in Oklahoma, adjusted his home, and was licensed within six months (23:53–24:13).
• Fosters primarily boys, often siblings, to minimize trauma from separation (24:28–31:24).
• Has fostered over 43 children and adopted several, emphasizing the unpredictable and often sudden nature of foster placements (32:25).

The Foster Care Experience: Challenges and Nuances

• Many foster children come traumatized and terrified, regardless of previous abuse levels; attachment to biological parents remains strong (29:00).
  • “No child comes to us excited to be with us…they love their parents, no matter what.” – Peter (29:00)
• Foster parenting requires full care for the child: health, education, emotional trauma management, and providing normalcy (33:38–34:44).
• Managing attachment and behavioral issues:
  • Many children struggle with fear, food hoarding, or aggressive behavior due to past traumas (36:13).
  • Foster families must model and gently teach new norms, even when “normal” feels alien to the child (36:56).

Adoption from Foster Care

• Parental rights must be legally terminated for adoption to be possible (39:47).
• Preference given to biological relatives (“next of kin”) for permanency placements, even if this may not always be the emotionally best outcome for the child.
  • “The law says next of kin come first, so you can’t fight it.” – Peter (40:41)
• Court system criticized for long waits and insufficient consideration of children’s emotional bonds with foster parents (41:39–43:09).

Realities Behind the Scenes

• Financial support is provided to foster parents (49:23); children come with benefits like Medicaid and sometimes educational vouchers.
• Challenges include the emotional toll of forming attachments only to have children leave, and concern over cases of abuse within the foster system—Peter acknowledges that 40% of foster kids have suffered abuse in foster homes (59:30).
  • “40% of our foster kids are abused by foster families.” – Peter (59:37)
• Importance of being trauma-informed: Peter pursued additional education to become a more empathetic, understanding parent (60:04).

Personal Impact and Broader Lessons

• Fostering has been life-changing for both Peter and the children he’s parented; all his foster children remain in touch (58:00).
• The attachment foster parents fear (“I’ll get too attached and be hurt when the child leaves”) is evidence they are well-suited for the role; children need that depth of care and stability (55:17–55:50).
  • “People afraid of attachment are the ones who can be the best parents…what our kids need.” – Peter (55:50)
• Peter actively counters stigma around foster parenting, particularly for single men of color, inspiring others to consider fostering or helping foster families in small, meaningful ways (47:51–48:30, 66:58).

Current Life and Aspirations

• Continues to work with World Vision and runs the “Now I Am Known” non-profit, which does room makeovers and shares foster kids’ stories to give them dignity and recognition (64:51).
  • “Most kids in foster care have never had an opportunity to have a room where they say, ‘I want pink, I want yellow.’” – Peter (65:16)
• Writes books—including upcoming parenting and children's books based on his experiences (65:42).
• Stays connected with his family in Uganda thanks to technology (63:16). Has reconciled with his father, who acknowledged learning about fatherhood through Peter’s journey (64:03).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On poverty and survival:
  “For every 100 children born in my village, 60 would die before age two. Most moms didn’t name their kids until they were two.” – Peter (04:44)

• On fleeing abuse:
  “I’d rather die, but die in the hands of a stranger than my father.” – Peter (04:56)

• On the transformative power of kindness:
  “He saw a thief, but he didn’t treat me as a thief…No one had ever seen potential in me.” – Peter (12:02)
  “If you had an opportunity to go to school, would you love to go to school? And I laughed at him…when you’re a street kid, do you ever think of going to school?” – Peter (10:52)

• On being a foster dad:
  "I've fostered over 40 children. It's unbelievable." – Rachel (02:52)
  "I have always wanted to be a dad." – Peter (47:51)
  "Every state gives you funds...children come with Medicaid, schooling, dental care." – Peter (49:23)

• On foster children’s loyalty:
  “No one kid had ever said, ‘I wish we had a mom…’ because they never had a dad before.” – Peter (48:25)

• On the pain and value of attachment:
  “The people who are afraid of attachment are the ones that can be the best parents.” – Peter (55:50)

• On making a difference:
  “Sometimes people say those kids are lucky to have you. But I would say I am the lucky one to have them…it's helped me to heal and be a better human being.” – Peter (66:58)

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Important Timestamps

• Peter’s background & leaving home: 04:31–07:22
• Life as a street child in Kampala: 08:14–09:18
• Rescue by a stranger & getting education: 09:18–15:51
• Coming to the US and getting involved in foster care: 18:54–21:25
• First foster placement and initial challenges: 29:49–31:14
• Adoption legalities and court system issues: 39:47–43:09
• Financial support for foster parents: 49:23–50:31
• Attachment and emotional risks: 55:17–56:21
• Systemic issues in foster care & abuse statistics: 58:22–60:23
• "Now I Am Known" initiative: 64:51–65:35
• Peter’s message to would-be foster parents: 66:58

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Where to Follow Peter

• Instagram: @FosterDadFlipper
• YouTube & TikTok: Now I Am Known
• Website: nowiamknown.com

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Summary Tone

The conversation is candid, compassionate, and deeply inspirational. Rachel Uchitel’s questions are direct yet empathetic, and Peter Mutabazi speaks with warmth, humility, and a hopeful resilience. Their dialogue humanizes the foster system, challenges stereotypes, and celebrates the capacity for individuals—regardless of their background—to profoundly change lives.

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Final Takeaway

Peter’s journey is an extraordinary testament to the power of kindness and second chances. He not only changed his own story but now shapes the futures of vulnerable children, showing that everyone has a role to play—whether by becoming a foster parent, supporting those who are, or simply offering empathy to those around them.

Transcript

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[Peter Mutabadzi]

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[Rachel Yukitel]

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[Peter Mutabadzi]

I'm originally from Uganda, so I grew up poor of the poorest. The only meal we had was once every other day and would have beans and potatoes. That's all I had for me. On one side I had poverty, on the other I had a mean dad. For every abuse I received, my mother received the same. So at age of 10, I was like, you know what? I went to the bus station and I asked the lady, hey, of all these buses and which one goes the.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Farthest, how did you survive on the streets?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

One day I'm trying to steal from someone. This person just looked at me and said, hey kid, what's your name? And one day he said, hey, Peter, if you had an opportunity to go to school, would you love to go to school? And I laughed at him. I was like, you're the dumbest human being I've ever met.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Now you are a foster dad. You've adopted kids. How many kids have you fostered? At this point, 43. Do you have a limit on how many kids you want to adopt in the future? How do you date? Welcome back to Misunderstood. I'm your host, Rachel Yukitel. Let me introduce you to Peter Mutabadzi, a dedicated advocate and influential voice in the world of foster care. His story is one of remarkable resilience and compassion. Peter himself once experienced the hardships of being a homeless child in Uganda, but he overcame those challenges and has now become a devoted foster parent and mentor.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

He.

[Rachel Yukitel]

He's fostered over 40 children. It's unbelievable. His mission is to inspire others to see the foster care system as a powerful way to change lives, especially for vulnerable children who need love, support, and stability. Peter's tireless work not only emphasizes the importance of fostering, but also demonstrates the profound difference one person can make in shaping the future of countless young lives. You have to check out his Instagram foster dad, Flipper. You will be a stick astounded at what this guy takes on and does. He's the most amazing father. I'm excited for you to meet Peter Mutabazi. Peter, thank you so much for joining me today on Misunderstood. I'm so excited to have you here.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Well, I am excited to be here as well. Like you could choose me to read to me. I'm honored.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Oh. So, yeah, I was looking through my Instagram one day, long time ago and came across your feed and then started following you. And I've sort of followed your story throughout and found you to be so fascinating when I found out your backstory and why you became a foster and adoptive parent. So do you mind if we start there? Because I think it's so important for people to understand where you came from and why you do this.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, absolutely. You know, we do what we do sometimes because of the genre we've traveled. So. Yeah, so I'm originally from Uganda, so I grew up poor of the poorest. You know, it's really hard to explain to an American what poverty sometimes really is. But think about, like, you grew up, but you never had two meals a day for most of your child life. You know, I. I did not have a name until. Until when I was two years old. Why? Because for every 100 children were born in my village, 60 would die before the age of two. So most moms didn't name their kids until they were two. So at two, that's when I was given name. But also for moms. Think about it like, if you can't feed your child for a day, you know, like, how do you tell them to dream? How do you. How do you. How do you inspire them when you can't feed them? And so that was really my life. Poor of the poorest. We went to fetch water three to four miles away. You know, the only meal we had was once every other day and would have beans and potatoes. That's all I had the only two days in 365 days, I had a different meal was Christmas. So Christmas we had chicken. So I grew up knowing that Christmas was about chicken and Easter. We had beef. So those are the only two days in my entire life as a teen and a little boy I had. Then at age of four, I began to realize that not only were I poor, but my dad was the most abusive human being you could imagine. So for me, on one side I had poverty, on the other, I had a mean dad. So there wasn't a place to hide outside. It was, of course, as a poor kid, you know, then inside the house, it was just mean in every way, shape, form you could imagine. And then on the other hand, I had one parent that loved me, but she could not protect me. Why? Because for every abuse I received, my mother received the same. And most of the time, she received the abuse because of us as kids. Think it this way. When she would go to my dad and say, the kids haven't eaten, Would you give them something to eat? She would get the beatings for that. So as a kid, you learn and watch like your needs put your mom in trouble. So the guilt that comes with that. So at the age of 10, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna die anyway. But why should I give my father the opportunity to kill me? So I had never been 20 mil away from my village. So I went to the bus station and I asked the lady, hey, of all these buses, which one goes the farthest? And the lady said, that one. I got on that bus and I ran away. Never been 20 miles away. And I went 500 kilometers away. And it wasn't Rachel. It wasn't like I was looking for a better future for me. My head was, I rather die, but die in the hands of a stranger than my. My father. So that was the reason why I was running away. And of course, my only option, you know, when I arrived in Kampala was to be a street kid. So I became kid from the age of 10 to the age of almost 16.

[Rachel Yukitel]

So when you were leaving, was it hard for you to leave your mother knowing that you were leaving her behind?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

I think for me, you know, the idea was death. So I wasn't really, you know, that I loved my mom, but I just didn't want to see all the abuse, but also the pain that for me, yes, it was hard to leave my mom and my siblings as well. But somehow I could not take it anymore. You know, I'm the oldest of five, so I think the old older you are, the more you understand the pain. So for me, I was like, I can't deal with this. So yes, I felt guilty, but also it was my only option that I had to run away.

[Rachel Yukitel]

So your story gets more interesting after you, you got become a street kid. But I just do want to ask, did you ever, I mean, I don't know how it works. Could you call them on the phone? Did you ever find out what happened to your father? Do you speak to your mother? Do you talk to your siblings?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Well, this time, of course, as a street kid, you know, you're treating, I don't know, for most of your viewers, hopefully they've been to 2 3rd world. Yeah, but as, but, but as a street kid, you're treated more like a stray animal, you know, I mean, that's how I was. I slept in the sewer. Why? Because the sewer smells so bad that no other human beings can go. But for us as street kids, that was a safe place to be. You know, I was never called a name. Why? Because they treated me like garbage. So there wasn't an opportunity to connect back home. You know, remember I was 500 miles away by then. There were no phones or anything, you know, I mean, Uganda then was in the worst position. There were no phone, you know, there were no phones available during that time.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Got it. But to this day, have you never seen your family again?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Oh, well, no. At 19, I went back home, you know, so at 19 I went back to see my mom and dad and now I get to see them and they're doing well. But. But it took me, you know, almost seven, eight years before I could go back.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right, okay, so continue with your story because it's so fascinating. So you became a street kid. How did you survive on the streets?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Well, on the streets like you, you know, think of it as a street key. Like you're abused in every shape, form. You can imagine things I cannot describe here. But when you're seen as an animal, when you're Treated like less of a human being. I mean, you know, at home, I wish I was dead the next day. On the streets, I just wish I was dead the next hour because that how severe the abuse was, you know, from adults. And that became my life. So finally, as three kids, we learned how to survive. Stay, steal while you're helping. So we would steal while we are carrying people's food because it was easy to steal food than money because most people didn't make a dollar a day. So one day I'm trying to steal from someone and this human being or this person, you know, just looked at me and said, hey kid, what's your name? And that really rattled me. Here's why. Rachel, for everyone who was kind, was abusive. So for us as street kids, we identified danger by who was kind. So if you're kind, that means you're gonna harm me. So my whole thought was, run for your life. But before I could run, he gave me something to eat. And so he left. You know, did that scare me? Absolutely. It was the next day he comes back, you know, he gave me something to eat. So I saw the pattern on what days he would come. And that day I didn't have to steal. So he fed me for one year and a half. And one day he said, hey, Peter, if you had an opportunity to go to school, would you love to go to school? And I laughed at him. I was like, you, you're the dumbest human being I've ever met. Here's why. When you're a street kid, abused every night, like, do you ever think of going to school?

[Rachel Yukitel]

No, I wouldn't think so. No.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

It's. It's like me asking you, rachel, they are sending people to the moon. Would you like to go? Like, how many, how many nights do you go to bed? Say, man, I wish I could go to the moon. Because it's far fetched as a kid, the same going to school, you knew only those who have mom and dad, only those who are hopeful, or only those who want to see the future. For me, I didn't want to see the future. It was just terrible every day. And I thought the next day will be the same. So for me I was like, never forget it. So he let it go. And next time he comes back, he said, hey, if you go to school, there'll be lunch, dinner and breakfast. I was like, what time do we go? You know, because for me the attraction was food. And I had never heard of a place where you can have three meals. So when he said, can we go, you know, Would you like to go? I said, sure, but it was more of I want to test you. But also, I don't believe there's a place you can have three meals. And sure enough, he put him in a boarding school. And that's how he changed my life.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Oh my God. I can't. I mean, I'm sort of speechless about this. So. So some. The kindness of some stranger that wanted to have. Give you an opportunity to have a better life is what you found?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, but it wasn't even that he saw a thief. But he didn't, he didn't treat me as a thief, you know, no one.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Why do you think you stood out to him as someone with potential?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

I don't know. Because maybe I showed up every time I was there. Maybe I. I don't know, maybe there's something that he saw in me. He said, you know, this kid has the potential. And I want to give that to this kid. But, but, but here's the thing. I didn't know that I had potential either. No one had ever seen it to me, you know, these are the words that I had from my father every day. Peter, you never mount anything. Peter, you're useless and worthless. Peter, I wish you were never born so I didn't have to feed you. That's what I heard.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

And I believe those.

[Rachel Yukitel]

So how do you even go to boarding school and not have any education before that? How hard was that?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, that was difficult. So it was the food that made me work hard to get to stay because I had never had consistent food, food. But now that I saw food came lunchtime, breakfast and dinner. Now it became my goal to keep the meal. So that, that meant if I. If I want to go to school, I went to school. I never, I never had a pair of shoes before then, you know. So from the age of 0 to almost 16, I never had a pair of shoes. But I wore those pair of shoes he gave me because I thought, if I can wear these shoes, they will give me food. You know, if I can perform better in school, they'll give me food. So that's really the one thing I like the most, is the one thing that helped me to stay and work hard. And that was it. But also, not only did he just take me to school, you know, after four months, he invited me in his home. So for the first time, I saw a family that ate together. I saw a man who wasn't mean, I saw a man who was kind. So for the first time I saw something I wanted to be. I was like, if there's someone I want to be, I want to be like him. And I knew he was educated. I knew he was kind. And so by doing what he thought I could do is really what inspired me to do better and to go beyond what I thought I could ever be.

[Rachel Yukitel]

So I'm curious, is, was he the person that you looked up to, almost like a father figure or a parent? Or did you also find in your boarding school some teachers or older people that stood out to you and really helped you and took you under their wing?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Well, the teachers. So remember, I had no formal education, but also my behavior as a street kid were horrible. You know, I didn't know the rules. I didn't know the boundaries. You know, stealing for me was just as breathing. It had anything to do with bad. But these teachers never saw the worst in me. They never kicked me out, that they always believed in me. Every time I got an F, they will say, peter, well done. I'm like, wait, wait, how? You know, but because they kept using words of affirmation that. That really helped me to build me to believe in that. Like, well, if they think I matter, maybe I can get a D, you know, and if I got a D, you know, they would still be kind of like, maybe I can get a C. And it's through the kinds of words that they use that I never had. And being gentle and kind and not always seeing the worst in me, but always seeing the best in me that really helped me excel and do better and want to stay. So, yes, the teachers, but also him, because he always came and he always brought me to his home every Sunday just to get to know him. So now I had something to dream for, because I had never seen a kind man. But I saw kind, you know, I saw he can come home and sit home and they have food. I had never had that with my father. So I thought, listen, if I want to be successful, he's showing me how. So my standards became. I want to be like him. And that's really what helped me excel.

[Rachel Yukitel]

That he didn't go ahead.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

But he just. He just didn't drop me at school. But even he brought me in his personal life, and that's really what helped me.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Yeah. So did you end up graduating from high school?

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Yes.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yeah. So I say New Ghana. So I graduated high school, and then I went to university in Uganda. And then I went. I got a scholarship to go study in England. And then that's how I came to United States. So overly Educated through the kindness of a stranger who saw the best in me.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow. And you obviously liked school. You liked learning.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Absolutely, because I saw how far it can go, you know, and how far it can take you, you know, Again, I'm the oldest of five, and my siblings have all gone through university. Not because they could do it, but I think he's. They saw the example. They were like, if Peter can do it, we can do it as well. But I could not also take them away from my family, you know, So I thought the best way I can be for my siblings is to give them what I was given. So I worked so hard to make sure that they also went to school because it was the only way I can yank them out of the abuse from my family.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right, right, right. Okay. So what were your first jobs like? Did. What did you do to make money when you were younger?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So most of the time I would. When I was younger, when he took me in, he would give me opportunities to wash cars. So I would wash all the family cars. You know, I will contribute in their family. Like, if they. Cleaning anything they need or planting things, all the garden stuff, like, I would do all that in some way. I think in my head, I thought, if I can be. If I can do what they ask me, maybe they will still be my friend. Maybe they won't yank the things they have given me. But also at school, so instead of going for holidays, for me, I'll stay at school and work as security, you know, as a gardener. And that's because I didn't have a family to go to, only them. But I found ways of, you know, as a street kid, I think you work so hard for free. When you find out you can actually earn, it was like, more natural for me to find work easy.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right. And when you were studying and in school, did you think you wanted to be something in particular that you were studying for? Did you. Did you have aspirations all of a sudden and goals?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes. You know, my first degree was in International Business Administration. So I wanted to learn business, you know, from an international way. Know, I saw how Uganda worked with Kenya and Tanzania. I was like, if I can understand how to market and work for companies that are outside United. Sorry, outside Uganda, that I would do. So then when I went to England, I wanted to study crisis management because I lived in a war zone, you know, Sudan, Uganda, Rwanda, you know, in a place where there was always astrosis of wars. So I thought, if I can have good education, that I think I can work in charities that really bring Peace and help during crisis. So that's what I started at university in England.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Oh, wow. Okay. So then after you graduate, what was next for you? Where did you go?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So I didn't, you know, like, remember when you come from a village, you kind of think life in. In a small way, you know, But I met two Americans, you know, who were working in a refugee during the Sudan war, you know, and I worked with them for. For a few months. And one day they said, you really good with kids on how you work with them, on. On how you see the best in. In them. Like, you should really focus on working with, you know, charities that, you know, work with kids. I was like, really? And sure enough, I found, like, hey, I. I can do that. So I worked for International Committee of Red Cross and then worked for Compassion International and then worked for World Vision, you know, that I wanted to give hope the same way someone had given me, you know, and for me, working for charities that were working with children, I felt like that's a place I belonged. But also that value I can add from what I had gone through as a child, but also to show the impact of when we. When we believe in a child, on how far we can take them.

[Rachel Yukitel]

So what was. So when we find you now, you know, you are a foster dad, you've adopted kids. Tell me how you got to decide that this was something you wanted to do, and what was the first moment that you were like, okay, I need to figure out how to become. I assume the first one was a foster or was it an adoptive kid? Tell me what happened there.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So, you know, so when I first. My first time in the United States, like, I think I struggled seeing the wealth, you know. You know, my first day in the restaurant, I walked in and, you know, they gave me food, and I ate everything. But then I realized that food was being thrown away because people didn't finish their food. And for me, that bothered me. Like, wait a minute. Other people are dying for lack of beans and potatoes, Food being thrown away. So that really made me question my existence, especially in the United States. So then I go to London. There are kids in the United States who go home hungry. I was like, how can we throw food away? But yet there are kids in a neighborhood that have nowhere to go. So I have traveled over the world, but I'd never seen a black person who was adapting in Uganda or in Ethiopia or in China. They were always Caucasian and married. Married. I was black and single. So in my mind, I believe the lie. Like, I thought you have to be white. You have to be married. Because that's all I saw. As you know what I traveled. So for me, I knew there was no way. So I walked into the false care system and I said, hey, I would like to mentor teenagers. Would you give me an opportunity at least to meet them? One hour a week. So then the social work, just to.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Spend time with them and mentor them and hang out with them.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Them, yeah, just mentor them, you know, like if they need to go eat, if they need to go buy something, like, I can do that. But the social worker who received me said, hey, have you ever thought of being a faucet? I was like, yeah, I've thought about it, but I'm single, so I'm not called, you know, I. I don't qualify. She said, hey, no. 30% of our foster parents are single, so you can be. Literally, it was on Monday. On Thursday, I began the classes to be a foster parent. So my whole goal was to be a foster parent. It wasn't really adoption. It was, if I can be there for kids while mom and dad getting it together and they go back, that would be the greatest gift I can give them back. So for me, once I knew I can, I was like, okay, where do I sign up? And that was really my. My kind of my trigger.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow. So, okay, so what are the credentials and classes and things people have to do to qualify to be a foster parent?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So, one, you have to be at least 21 in most states. So you have to be 21. You have to have, you know, insurance, you have to have your, your, your. A job. Like you, you, you. You take care of yourself because they don't want you to depend on the children, but you take care of yourself. You don't have to rent or own a home, but so long as you have a safe home, either it's rented or you own it, and there's extra bedroom for the kids. The other part is to do the training, you know, you go through, you have to be licensed, you know, some say take 10 weeks or 10 classes. So each depends on where you are. So you take classes is. Is all you have. You have to do. And then they have to do the background check. They have to, you know, turn every stone about your life and figure out if you're fit to be a parent. And that's all that really takes. Kindness, loving children, and willing to give kids the best you can, though.

[Rachel Yukitel]

And at the moment, the first time you were doing it, where, what state were you living in?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So I was living In Denver, Colorado. So once I wanted to really be, you know, I knew I could not take on a full time job, you know, and still be a false friend. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to be own boss. So I moved to Oklahoma to be, to flip houses because I could be my own boss as a single dad at the same time be a foster dad. So that's what where I moved and that's where I started to be a false parent. So for the, the first 12 children I had were all from Oklahoma.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Okay, wait, this is fascinating. So how long did the course take you? Like you said, it started on Thursday. How long until you, you graduated?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So it took, you know, it took only maybe two months, three months, how long it took. But for me, I had to, you know, remember when you're a bachelor, your house is kind of bachelor life. So I wanted to make it kid friendly. So it took me about five to six months to get all that ready. And after six months I was licensed. And the first day I had my first child.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow, so it's that quick. You're not waiting around for all this. Okay, so when you're a foster kid, I mean foster parents, how does it work? Are you saying here's the sex that I prefer, here are the ages I prefer for, or you just get what is in need?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Well, what, you know. So for me, I like to be licensed through private agency. So they build a profile for you. You say, hey, I'm willing to take a kid between 4 and 10, you know, because for me I want to take kids who can talk and dress themselves and go to school, you know, two. I'm a single parent, so I could not take kids who need, need, who are fragile, need more, you know, medication. Like I could not do it. So I was like, hey, I cannot do this. You know, I didn't know I could be a dietary teenager. So I said, no, teenagers I cannot do. You know, again, I'm a single single dad. So I say I prefer boys rather than girls. But those are just parameters you put. But usually you don't get what you ask for because you know, sometimes you say I want a five year old, but they have a brother who's 12 years old, you know.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

But you can put just suggestion like boundaries. But, but usually they will try to fit in in those. If you're not too strict of what you want. If you say, hey, I want a five year old girl single, that might take a year to get right.

[Rachel Yukitel]

I see what you're saying. So and if you're, if you're licensed, or is that the word licensed in Oklahoma, does that mean you're only getting kids from Oklahoma so that you can continue them in the same schools? Obviously, stuff like that.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Correct. So you're licensed by two agencies, your county and your state. So if you're private, you are licensed by the state. If you're local, you're licensed by the county. So you choose which one you want and you can only be, you can only take a child within where you're licensed if it's county only county. If it's state, you can take any child from any of, from anywhere in the same state. So license, don't switch or don't transfer. You can only get, get a license by one state.

[Rachel Yukitel]

And is the license just to be a foster parent or does that mean you can also be for, you know, be applying for adoptive kids? Am I using my.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

No, it's for only. Yeah, it's. So it's only for. It's. It's licensed to be a force parent. So once adoption, then they change agency. So no longer are you under the, the false care, but now you're under the adoption agencies.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Okay, so that's totally different. Okay, so let's talk about foster care care. Who are the typical children that are coming to a complete stranger sometimes in the middle of the night from foster care. How does that work?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So it happens in different ways. Most time is what happens to the parents. And you know, sometimes if they are, there's an accident on the highway and they were, the kids survived but the parents didn't survive. Those kids go to, they are taken by dss. So then they have to find a home for them to be that night as they look for the next of kin or who the parents are or sometimes drugs, you know, most of you know, the drug issues we have in the United States, you know, most people will lose their kids because they're high and they cannot take care of their children because of neglect, you know, some sexual abuse that some families or most kids are abused by family members that once that is discovered, then they have to take the kids out of that home.

[Rachel Yukitel]

You know, so usually it's coming from child protective services or the police have showed up and had to take the kid and they go to a foster home. I mean, could it be at all hours of the day or is it kind of planned you're going to get this kid on Thursday when the parents have to go to court?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

No, no, it's all unplanned because they Never warn the parents we are taking. Think about if they come to you and say, I'm taking your kid. You might just take off, you know, so they just show up in the middle of the night while you're sleeping, and they're like, boom with the police. And, you know, they take them and that's when they look for us. They say, Peter, I have two kids, you know, and I need a home for 24 hours. So we call those imagines placement, you know, short term or you're a mom, you go give birth at a, you know, at the hospital, and then they test you and they find out you have drugs in your system that cannot go with you. That child stays in the hospital. They call a false. DHS say, hey, you know this child. You know, we found the parents that are addictive to drugs in their system, so this child cannot go back. And that's when we come in. They say, hey, we need emergency as we look for the next of kin to take the child.

[Rachel Yukitel]

So for the most part, when you're getting a foster child, there's some trauma involved, some sort of emotional thing that this kid is definitely going through. And I'm imagining even if their parents have been terrible parents, parents for, you know, some way, shape or form, they don't want to just go with a complete stranger, right? I mean, are they missing their parent tremendously or are they. Or half the time are they missing the parent and the other half, they're so excited to get away.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Well, 99.9, they, they didn't choose to come to your home, so they are terrified, you know, and sometimes even the abuse that is happening, the kids are not aware because for them it's normal. You know, think about if you're born in a drug home, that's all you've seen. That's all you know. You know, you know, when your mom has had, you know, a different man every other week, I mean, that's all you know. So plucking you out of that causes trauma to the child because you're putting them in an environment they are not familiar with, but also too, they love their parents, no matter what they do to them, that they never wish to come. So no child comes to us that is excited to be with us at all, no matter how severe the abuse was. It's later. So they build that trust later. But usually for the first time, you're a stranger, they don't know you and they're terrified.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Okay, so tell me about what that first time was like. I mean, you have an Empty house, just with you. And then all of a sudden, this new child comes in. Tell me all about that.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Oh, Rachel. Oh, gosh. So. So first of all, they give you a license and you're like, okay, you know, two months from now. No, the same night, they're like, hey, keep your phone. We might calling you for a child. And sure enough, they called me at three in the morning. They're like, hey, there's a kid who needs a home. Home. And we are bringing the child to you. I mean, I panicked, you know, so when the child arrived. So this is my head again. Like, you overthink about things. So I put him, you know, in bed. And then I. I locked every door. And then I pulled the couch and put it against his door because I thought he's gonna run out. Like, he's gonna open that door and he's gonna run out. Like, I'm not gonna give that.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Oh, yeah, right. Well, so how old was he?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Life, you know.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Okay. Okay.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

You know, so he woke up and he. And he said, dad. That was the weird thing. He says, dad, can I have something to eat? I was like, I. I slept the whole night worried. All you want is just breakfast. I mean, that was my head just.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Yeah.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Turning around. And that's all he wanted. Just, I want breakfast. And he felt safe. And from then, I kind of really, you know, it helped me to learn. Like, oh, I. I don't have to make it a big deal, but I really can follow the child's guide. You know, they're hungry. They need to eat. Eat and make their life comfortable and joyful as well, as much as I can.

[Rachel Yukitel]

So how many kids have you fostered? At this point, 43. Oh, my God. And a lot of them overlap. They're at different. How does that work?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So usually for me, I'm licensed for five, so I can have five kids at once, you know. So, you know, most time I take siblings because I. I really hate kids when they are separated. So I prefer to take siblings so they can stay together. It lessens the trauma. So usually, yes, I like, right now I adopted three, you know, but now I have two foster kids, you know, Got it.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Okay. Goodness.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So, you know, and most, I'm like, you know, I mean, I'll be honest. My youngest is a sibling of the ones that just adopted. So sometimes you might take two and adapt them, but when they give birth and the same thing happens, because now I'm next of kids, they get to call me, like, hey, a sibling of the ones you already have. Has come into the system, would you take the child?

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow. Wow. Okay, wait, let's go back to the 40 plus that you've fostered. How does that work as a foster? Are you told this could be for a day and this could be for five years? I mean, is there a limit to how long foster kids can be in a home?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

All right, so no. They tell you 24 hours, you're like, okay, 24 hours. And then 24 hours comes, they're like, hey, can you give us extra few days? You give them extra a few days. A week passes by and they're like, can he go to school? Because we can't find a home. So no one ever tells you how long? You know, Anthony, my, my, the one I adopted, they asked for the weekend. They said can he just come there for a weekend? And literally I said okay, only the weekend. Well, he was my first son to adopt, you know, so there's no, like, there's no one can ever give you the debt or when, I mean, you know, if, let's say you know, there was death in the family, you know, the, the next of kin that the family is going to come and take the child. So that we always know, but you don't know, is it in a week, is it in a month? You know. And remember before DHS gives back the child, they have also to do background check on the by parents on the families.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow, okay.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

You just can't come and claim the child. Be like, okay, but we need to do background check on you.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right, Right. So what is the responsibility of a foster parent?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

You are parent 99.9999. The well being of that child. You feed them, you help them overcome the trauma. You're responsible for their health. You are the one texting them the hospital, you are the parent in every.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Shape form until they leave, until they're not in your care. But. So I guess part of that question though is what is the responsibility of like how do you manage having a kid come in who's so, so traumatized sometimes and you want to make them feel safe and loved but you know that this is not their forever home. So how do you create a forever home environment where they don't feel so unstable knowing that they can go back into potentially different foster homes or instability?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Right. You cannot control where they come from and where they're going, but you can control what you have. So for us as for sprints, what we try to do is normalcy, give the child out normal life, you know, so make sure that you know, you visit other friends that you know so they know, hey, there's just more than this person, you know, make, you know, let them go to school so they feel they are part of the community, you know.

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[Rachel Yukitel]

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[Peter Mutabadzi]

To save Give them the normalcy as though nothing changed on the other side. Sure, the continuation of what Chinese play be, you know, be whatever they need to but at the same time create an environment that will help them overcome, let's say, things they've gone through. You know, we've had kids who still are they sitting because they want to know because their parents always send them to go steal at Walmart somewhere. You know, some kids will hoard a food because there was never enough. So they hoarded the food. So how do you help them to say, hey, there'll be food tomorrow, you know.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right, right. So you try and do your best while you have them.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Exactly. You know, or some. My normal life is abnormal to me.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Them.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So think about if your dad and mom always yelled. You know, for me, who doesn't yell when I ask my child to, to do something or to respond, they don't respond because they think that's not how we receive commands. Like you have to yell and use the cuss word. I, I know what you need, you know, so. So in some way to like help the child rethink the way they do things. Like, hey, we don't use that language. It's not appropriate for you as a four year old to use, but for them it's normal, you know, but you're trying now to kind of detox of what wasn't normal for them to do, but in a gentle way and over time.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right. What are some of the biggest challenges you found in the foster kids you've had? Like has anyone run away? Have their parents tried to come and take them when they weren't supposed to? I mean, was there any craziness that went along with it?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Well, yes, most of the challenge is that they take the kids away, but they never explain why they took the kids away. So that has been been one of the challenges because for me as an adult, they told me what the issue was, but they never told the child, you know. Okay, I'll give you an example. If the parents are taking drugs, the kids usually they will hide it, but they will see them high, you know, but they never explain like, hey, we are taking you away because your dad and mom are always high, you know? No. So when the child comes to me, it's like, but why did my parents do, why did that? But also I'm part of the system. I'm part of the bad guys, guys. It's not just the police that came to get them or the social worker, but I'm part of the system. So they don't like me most of the time or right away because they feel I'm part of the people against their mom and dad.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Sure, I understand that. And then. But doesn't that cause disruption in a house that you've worked so hard to create this like love and bond and calmness in?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, absolutely, yes.

[Rachel Yukitel]

How do you deal with that?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

You know, kids are kids. You know, I think for me, because I was one of those kids and I had the same trauma, like it really, really helps me to understand where they come from. So my focus isn't so much on the behaviors. It's so much of where is it coming from and how can I help them really see life or do things in a different way with time? You know, of course, my kids, too, they understand that we have to go through the relearning lesson every time we get a child. My kids have to go through like, hey, remember, this kid didn't have 1, 2, 3, 4. This kid doesn't understand 1, 2, 3, 4. So let's have grace towards him or her, you know, Know. But knowing that at one point things are going to get better. You know, an advantage for me is my kids were also in the same position as well, though they don't do what these kids are doing now, but they're understanding. They kind of relate like, oh, we understand why.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Yeah. Okay, what are the rules with adopting then? Like, what. What has to happen for a child to be up for adoption?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes. So just because I'm a false parent, even if I force for a child for four years, it does not guarantee me to be adopted parents.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So in order to be adopted, the parental rights have to be terminated, you know, meaning the judge ordered like, hey, these p. These parents are no longer fit to be parents, so they cut off the parental rights. Then the children are available at that point for adoption. But before I come in as a false parent, they go to the next of kin. So they go to their uncles, their aunt, their grandparents, someone related to them to be. To see if they can adopt a child.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wait, I can imagine that that could be somewhat hard if there's there happens to be a grandmother, but the grandmother doesn't seem like they can provide that good of a life. Or they don't really give a shit about the kid that much. They have their own life, but they are the next of kin. Like, how do you. How do you deal with that exactly?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

You know, the law says next of kin come first, so you can't fight it. You know, when the grandma or the next uncle who wasn't there for, you know, like, sometimes we have the kid for four. From the time they are born, they come to you and they turn four and they are for adoption and someone says, hey, I am the uncle. I'm coming for the child. Like, literally, it is hard to fight them because they are the biological. They are the next of kin. So for me, I come in or I am allowed to adapt after they exhaust all the kinship. Then there's nobody. They're like, okay, now that there's nobody now you're the one, right?

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right. Okay. So is the goal of the court system to reunite the children with the parents as best they can, even though it could be a little iffy or what? What is the goal?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

That's the goal. False care means, hey, temporarily, I'm gonna have you for a temporary time while your mom and dad or your relatives are getting their life together and then you go back home.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

But the way, but the way the. But the way the court does it is so wrong because they wait and wait and wait. You know, this child who lives, does things, hey, I mean, I have a little one. I've had her since she was one year and a half and she's three now. So all she knows is me, you know. So that is going to cause trauma for the child to be yanked out of what's normal for her to a place she's never been or doesn't know. But the court doesn't see that. They just say, hey, they are relatives, they'll take her. But that really causes trauma more to the child because you're taking her away from what we know and there's nothing we can do to, to, to, to stop that.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Well, let's talk about that case in particular for a second. So does she call you dad?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, I'm Dad. I'm dad. That's all she knows.

[Rachel Yukitel]

And does she live in any sort of fear? I mean, I know she's very young, but that one day she might not live with you anymore?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

No, she does not understand because, no, she was nine months when she came to us, so she doesn't really know. It's usually those who understand, like four year olds from, from four, maybe from three on. No, from four onwards are the ones that live in a living limbo. You know, they love you, they love your home and they love you so much. But at the same time they still have attachment to their mom. They want to go back home, so they live in this limbo of I want to stay here, but I want to stay, I want to go back home. So the court system destroys that. The longer they take, the more the child has been living in that limbo and causes mistrust and distrust and more trauma to the child.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Yeah, of course. So what do you think is going to happen in the case of, of this young little girl? Right? Is that little girl. So what's the situation with the parents? Are they still fighting for the rights or they are getting their life together? Does she talk to the parents at all? What, what's the story so every child.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Is given visitation time. They have to visit their parents when they are willing to, either they are drunk or high, that they have the right to see their child for one hour. One, you know, so they, you know, they give them six months. If that doesn't change, they give them 12 months. If it doesn't change, they give them eight months. So for us, now we are on year two, going to year three. Nothing has changed.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Meaning because the mother or father could not get their, they couldn't stay sober or whatever it was for them.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Right. Whatever they request them to do, they have done, you know, so then they are waiting for them to do so. So now it's up the, it's up to the judge to say we've given you ample time and we have not seen change. So we can terminate that. Your parental rights rights.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Now, is this little girl that you said is a relation of one of the boys that you adopted, two of the kids. So clearly these parents have had this issue in the past.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Correct?

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right. And then what is your, I'm curious what your relationship is like with the mom. I mean, do you think that they do this because they know that they trust you and you're going to take their kids in? I mean, does that make it almost easier for them and enable them to not get healthy?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes and no. You know, out of, you know, you don't have those responsibilities. So what do you do? You know, I mean, you're healing, you know, I. Because you, you're not taking care of the toddler. I am that sometimes I think for me, because I know what my mother went through, you know, because most people on the streets will say what a mother will let their kids be on the streets. But then they did not understand what my mom went through, of what she was enduring. So I come with the same grace and humility. Like I'm not a drug addict. Like to be a drug addict, I don't understand it, but at the same time to really have empathy towards them, you know. But also I want my kids. Even if I adopt her and have them, I want them, I want us to have that relationship, you know, for my kids. So there's no need to be hostile or be negative because I still want to have that relationship sometimes also when the parents get to see how parents you are to their kids, they realize, like, you know what? I don't have the tools tools that you do have. So I'm going to really, rather than take away, I think I would love you to be the parent of my child. But could you keep me connected to my child? That makes sense.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Yes, of course. If they get to that point where they have no ego. Because I think a lot of people, even though they cannot take care of the child, are like, no, that's my child, I want the child. And they make everybody's life miserable. I, um, I'm curious. Your older children that have the same parents, or at least mother, do they have a relationship with her or are they angry about their childhood?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So kids go through phases, you know, so, you know, I've had them for, for four years. So the three was false care and then almost one year adoption. So they're still, we're still kind of really going to the adoption and them understanding. But right now they are kind of in a place of why would my mom who say loves me not come back and get me? You know, so that is where they are and you wanna, you wanna meet them where they're at. So until they kind of understand that, then you'll be able to now have that connection. Like, hey, now they understand. How can I really help them connect with their mom without causing more harm to them? Because for, for now, I think my daughter thinks, you know, my mom said she'll come back, you know, that she loves me. And that's how it ended. So there was nothing bad that I happened to say, I'll never see her again. It' like think of you're dating someone and they go back to Europe and they never come back and no communication. You're like, did they break up with me? Like, there's no clothes, you know, and to our kids, that's kind of why they are going through right now, like, you know, what, what did I do? Why, why did my mom not love me that much? You know, and once you, we go over the arrow of them understanding, then we're able to bridge the relationship. But for my teenagers, they have that because now they're old enough to understand. So my teachers, teens have that. They can call, they can text, they can, you know, I can talk to their mom anytime I want because they are mature enough to understand that you've.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Been a foster parent for so long. What are some takeaways that you would give to people that are listening to this right now, that are contemplating doing it? How has it changed your life?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Oh, boy. You know, it's changed my life in every way. I've always wanted to be a dad, you know, and give back. And for me, that has given me an opportunity, but two, especially for men. I think men, we've been been. You know, we are told go work but don't be involved in the kids life. But I think for me I'm trying to change that narrative. Like if I can be single and be a dad, a full time dad like any parents can be, it's not mom's job, but it's dad and mom's job and kids need us, especially dads. You know, I've had 41 kids. No one kid had ever said I wish we had a mom. Why?

[Rachel Yukitel]

Because I was going to ask that.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yeah.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Why?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Because they never had a dad before.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow, that's interesting, right?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes. You know the other part for, for those who want to foster, it is hard journey and it's a calling. You know, if you sign up and you find out, you know, cut fodder, it's that. Okay. Also foster is not an adoption agency like to go in knowing like I'm going to go in. But my job is to foster, not to adapt. Because your heart is going to be broken in every piece form. But if you want to adapt, you go in saying I want to adapt. So from the get go, they kind of know your intention.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Got it.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

They're going to press you with kids who are likely for adoption.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Rather than post it.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right. Okay, so explain something too because I think people might be hesitant to get involved in fostering because it looks like a huge financial burden. I mean, how can you go through all these kids and take care of them? I'm assuming the state gives you some financial support for each kid that comes in.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Absolutely. Every state gives, you know, it's called, we call it a siphon. You know, every state will give you funds. You know, the kids come with Medicaid, they, they come with all the schooling they need, all the dental, they give all that. On top of that, they give you financial help to help you monthly to take care of them. If it's food, if it's clothes, that they give you all those to really help you even if you're single and you're not able to take the kids to the hospital, the dhs, the social workers, it's their responsibility to take the child to school. Daycare too comes with that. So for me as a single parent, I want to do what I do and have a job and take care of the, the kids. But they provide the vouchers for, for school. So you have so much resource to help you. If they are teenagers also, they come. If you adopt a child as a teenager, they come. They will have free education for the rest of their lives they have medication until when they are 21 and if they want to go to university it's free within the state they live in. So there's help. Absolutely. To really help you to do whatever. No matter you have a job or you don't have have jobs because the kids will come with resource that you need.

[Rachel Yukitel]

So as long as you can cover obviously the roof over their head and then yourself. Yourself. Yeah, then. And you have the separate bedrooms based on their ages or whatever it is and their sexes then you can get some financial aid for the child so you don't have to bear the burden. But I'm assuming like I'm curious about the schools do you have to have. They can only go to the public schools within your district. I mean how, how does that work?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So it works with, you know, so it's really. You remember you are, you're the parent 99 point percent so you decide I want them to go this hospital. So long as they take Medicare.

[Rachel Yukitel]

You can make decisions.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, you make all those decisions. I want them to go to this school because it's close to me. You know, you make those decisions. The parents or DHS does not make those for you.

[Rachel Yukitel]

But how do you, how can you make those decisions if you don't know how long they're going to be with you?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Exactly. You just do what you know like it's cool time. If you know you're going to have a kid for two weeks or three weeks you're like you rather go get the application at least have it handy or say okay because so for me, remember I am licensed to force any kid. So most of my kids are coming two hours away. There's no way they can go back to that school because it's farther away. You know. So unless if you're from the same county sometimes it's a little bit close and the state will provide the transportation back and forth as well.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right. How do you date? Is that, Sorry, is that too personal?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

No, I like that. Is that food? You know, I mean so you know.

[Rachel Yukitel]

I, I have one child and I can't date. She makes my life a living hell. So I don't know how you do it.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Like there's no room to date. Absolutely. Like for me so I have a toddler who's just, just turned 3 and I have a 20 year old. So for me, my life, I get a little freedom between 9am and 2pm I mean who's willing to date you during that time, you know, know. But also I think I love my Kids that I want to pour everything I can towards my kids. That for me to bring in someone that doesn't understand the kids I adapt and the whole trauma. Like I feel it's unfair to them, you know, to bring in someone who doesn't understand, you know, the joy you find in helping kids who are the most disadvantaged. But two that are not trauma informed. Like I think I will bring more trauma to that person. Like unfair, like I feel you'll be unfair to that. So for me content like to, to do this and, and back my mind knowing like I'm content where I am, you know, and I'm content being a single dad and I'm content just being happy of what I do is for me what drives me and what I find. You know, usually I say if you want to date me, okay, you're trauma informed and you can deal with seven kids with trauma. Sure, we can go on a date.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Well, I mean, I think maybe for you it might be better to meet somebody that's already, already established in your life. You know, somebody that you guys always see. A school teacher, I don't know, somebody that really gets your life and has been part of their lives and is a friend and a friendly face and, and knows you as opposed to some. It's not like you can be on bumble having new people come in and out of your life, I don't think.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

No, but also too, even teachers, you know, some are good at helping a child during the day, but they don't want to deal with them at night, you know.

[Rachel Yukitel]

That's true. Yeah.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

You know, you know, or some just want to see them for an hour, but they cannot deal with, you know, most of their trauma. So it's really a calling and that person has to really fully be part of that in a way. You know, I think it would be impossible, you know, somehow bringing someone that. Unless it was their, their calling, you know, and it would be unfair to them.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right. Okay, so do you have a limit on how many kids you want to adopt in the future? Future?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

10.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Well, your house is already somewhat full and you're already, you can only do five, right. At a time or five fosters teenagers.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yeah. You can cheat when you take teen, when you take siblings, you know. So I'm licensed for five, but if I had three siblings, you know, it's easier to, to give you an exempt to six.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Does that mean you're licensed to have five kids in the house or five fosters? Like you have three that you've adopted, right. Is that what you said.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Correct. So I can.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Yeah, so I can have five more that you're fostering?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

No, the, the. Yes, two.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Got.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

But I can have three if they are siblings.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Got it. Okay. I got it.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Because the others are teenagers. They don't really need me, you know, so they are not really counted against me.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right, but when they move out of the house, then that opens up a spot.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, absolutely. So I would love to, to force more and adapt more if I can have a bigger house and a bigger her. That is my, my dream. The, the other part I want to share with you is most people don't. They don't want to foster because they're afraid of attachment.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Yeah, I was going to ask you about that. Okay, tell me about that.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So. Yes, it's. It's hard to befriend someone knowing they're going to go the next day, you know, and for us, as false friends, it's obvious you get attached to this kid, you love them, you pour everything about them. But you know, in a month, in a year, in two years, they're gonna go away. And that is hard to really do and deal with. And so most people are afraid of that. And for me, I counteract by saying, actually the most, the people who are afraid of attachment are the ones that can be the best parents.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Why?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Because they have what it takes, that attachment, what our kids need, you know.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right, okay, I see what you're saying. But they also have empathy, I'm sure.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Exactly. They have empathy and they will fight for each other, you know, tooth and nail. But at the same time time, you know, knowing that, hey, actually your fear is your strong because that's what our kids need. They never had someone fight for them. They never had someone attached to them. They never someone, you know, that is that close to them, that you help them heal. So rather what you think is negative is actually positive.

[Rachel Yukitel]

So in general it sounds like you've had an amazing experience as a foster and you would suggest it to, to people, even though these kids may be coming in with some behavioral and issues, some trust issues, a lot of trauma and, and instability. You think it's, it's been obviously life changing for you. But do you feel that you've seen that it's life changing for the children?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, absolutely. Life changing for the children. Remember, it wasn't their choice to be born in this home. You know, in this home they didn't choose their parents that you know, that are drug addict, that are, you know, that they, they're just innocent kids. And for, for us to be there for, for them is the greatest present we can give them as well. You know, to their bio parents sometimes they never had a good example of what a parent looks like. So yeah, we can show that to them that we are not just helping the child, but for the entire cycle of their bio parents that we've changed the way they view and parents as well. But they need that example. You know, I am who I am now because I had a man who showed me how to be kind, how to give back back and how to truly love others unconditionally because he did that to me. And it's easy for me to look back and say he told me how, you know, the same with our foster kids, the same with kids in false care to see them as human being and say, how can I impact them? You know, for men and women who are forward and you're like, I want to get married so I can have kids. Hey, maybe can you be a parent while you wait to marry, you know, rather than miss out on that opportunity of being a parent because you're waiting to get married, but rather to say, hey, while I'm waiting, I'm just going to be a dad or I'm going to be. Yeah.

[Rachel Yukitel]

How many of the kids that you've had have stayed in touch with you?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

All of them.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Really?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukitel]

So how are they all doing? For the most part, you know, some.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Not so good, you know, because they went back and, and two years or three years later the parents just went back to why they had been 10 taken away and some have come back in the force in the false care system and I cannot take them because I already have kids, you know.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Oh, I see. Yes. Yes. Oh, I want to ask you because you all, you know, you hear all these stories or they're on all these movies about these terrible nightmare situations that you see in the foster care system. Kids that have gone from being little and then change foster care homes all the time or they're abused physically, sexually. How do you think that happens? Like how, how does the court system or child protective services not see how much worse off they can be in some foster parents homes?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So. Well, you know, most of them, they are tied to the court system. Remember the court system says the bio parents or the connects of kin are the number one where the kids want to go back to. But most when you're a drug addict, that meant your entire family was most of the time, you know. You know, most kids are abused sexually not by a stranger, but members of the Family, so you going, you know, to the same system, you know, and, and it's hard when they say next of kin have the right to the children, but yet, you know, the dangers. What, what do you do? Do you?

[Rachel Yukitel]

Yeah. No, but I'm asking about within the foster care system because you have, you do hear these terrible stories about foster parents that have abused kids. That's what I'm asking.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

40%. I mean, 40% of our foster kids are abused by foster families.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow, I didn't know that. Right. That's a pretty high rate.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Exactly. And it's sad, you know, I, it's, it's, you know, it's, it's hard to. The way, the way they screen, you know, you do the classes, they do background check. But when it comes to behaviors on how you parent, I don't think they are there to monitor how you do it.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right. You know, were the classes hard you had to take or it's just you sitting there listening to how to handle situations?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

They were, they were not hard. But for me, I had to take more classes that I had to pay for to get more education. Like I wanted to be trauma informed. So I had to do tbr like any resource that can help me be a better parent, I had to do that. Some parents don't do that. They just say, you know, I'm gonna give them a roof, you know, and that's it, you know?

[Rachel Yukitel]

Right.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Or sometimes they deal with the behavior, so they punish the child for the bad behavior years. But the child isn't like, then whatever they are doing, they aren't doing it towards you or against you, you know, or sometimes false parents think I'm doing you a favor. Why can't you be nice to me? Why can't you do what I asked you to do? But this kid didn't choose to come to your home. So they have no right to have a favor or feel that you favor them or you did something good because they were forced to your home, you know. So remember, the difference is someone was forced to come and live with you and somehow you think they should be grateful for coming to live with you. Kind of doesn't compute to the child.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Sure, sure, sure. Okay, so just people that are following your channel. I'm just curious, are you able to have a job now? Are you more of like an influencer? So I, I mean, I know you guys do all sorts of things and you're making food and you're spot. You know, you're probably sponsored by people. How does it work? Are you Able to work separately or this is your full time job.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

You know, I have a full time job so I work for World Vision and my job is to. Or you know, or you know, really advocate for kids in force care and kids all over the world that in the Moslem. So that's my full time job, you know. You know, I think, you know, as a force parent, I think some companies are afraid. Not afraid, but I think the stigma about force care, they're not willing to, let's. Let's say give you deals that anyone else does because you are force apparent. So yes, I have influence and I have millions of followers, but just because I'm a force parent, some company will say said no.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Interesting. But why, what's the stigma do you think?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

I don't know. I really like, I'll be honest. We got a, a deal for Hyundai, you know, so they wanted to. Yeah. Of the car. So they wanted us to, to do the ad for them. So we're like, man, it's really cool. We get to have their car for like a month, you know, drive it and test it out, but have the keys and go to a bank and you know, make kind of. Once they found out that my kids were force kids, they're like, no, we, we don't want that.

[Rachel Yukitel]

That's insane. I feel like you guys would be a great representative for a company.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Exactly. You know, just to most you like, it's social good, but also like you have faith and believe in people who.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Yeah. And it's a, it's a family car. Whether you're a foster family or a regular family doesn't make a difference. I mean. That's correct.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, absolutely.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow. All right, well, hopefully we'll have to figure out what car company, you know, appreciates the role that you've been doing and the help that you've been giving kids. That's just insane to me.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

We want one. So I can, I can, I have two. I can take him more kids, but because my car is small, I cannot. So all my needs right now is a nine seater car and I'll be set.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow. Okay. Yeah, you need like a Rivian, you know, something.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Yeah, I love those. Um, okay, so just incidentally, when was the last time you spoke to people in your family?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Every day. You know, nowadays, you know, like nowadays the technology is made it easy. The WhatsApp. I can know what they did. I can know who's not feeling well. I can. So that I can see the rejoicing because you're on the you know, you're on a family chat, you can see what they're doing, which has made life a little easier and stay connected to the family for sure.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Do you. Is your father so still alive?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, my father and my dad and my mom are still married, you know, just kind of strange.

[Rachel Yukitel]

They're still married. And are they still in Uganda?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, they're still in Uganda.

[Rachel Yukitel]

And do you actually speak to him as well?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, I speak to him because I want. I think I wanted to show him an example of what a dad looks like, you know, I wanted to show him, like, what love means, I don't think, you know, I think after being a false friend, I come to realize, like, sometimes people are abusive because that's how they were raised.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Sure, sure.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

That's all they knew that I wanted his response. Well, I think, you know, you know, I think like 15 years ago he talked to me, say, you know, what you. He calls my false apparent. He said, your dad has told me what a father ought to be, you know, and I think you. That was enough for me to see, like, oh, okay. He's really seen what a dad looks like because he saw how this stranger family treated me. And he's like, you know, he calls them my dad's. Like, your dad has taught me. And I think that's for me, what I needed, you know, he's proud of me, I can tell you. He thinks I'm the. That's what I want human being on the planet. It. Yeah.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Have they been to the United States?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

No, not really. They have not.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Wow, Interesting. Okay, so I want to talk really quickly. Well, you've written some books, right? And you have now I am known for the organization. Tell me a little bit about that.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

So now I'm known organization. We do that to help teen teenagers and for parents. So what I do, I do room makeovers. You know, most kids in false care have never had an opportunity to. To have a room where they say, I want pink, I want yellow. You know, paint it the way I want. And for me, I wanted to do that for te who are being adapted or who are moving in college or who are moving to another foster family. That if I can take that. That away from a foster parent, I get to do the room for them.

[Rachel Yukitel]

You know, that's so fun.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

They choose their colors, they choose their beddings, and we surprise them by doing that. That's really, for me, you know, what I love to really do, but also let them tell their story from a roommate of a point of view, rather from what they have gone through. And that's really what I love, I love to do for the kids.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Amazing. And what's in the future for you? Will you be writing another book or you. What, what's. What do you want out of life in the future?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Oh, yes, absolutely. Well, I want to force some more kids and adopt more kids. And I just finished writing two books. So, you know, we have a, you know, a parenting book coming out in May and a children's book coming out sometime at the end of next year as well. So it's been wonderful writing a little bit more and really now that I feel like have experience that I can share, people want to know how do I do this? And I think by writing it would be the best way for people kind of to read Trauma and how I responded and what I learned from it by having material that can help them.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Amazing. I think that you could write, and maybe you have already, but you could write an amazing children's book on the little boy, the little boy Peter that you were and how you got from Uganda to your life now and then also, also the kids that come through your home. It would be so cute to have a book of little stories that they've written while they were there. I don't know, I'm not a publisher, but I just think I would love to read something like that, you know.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

No, you're point on. I mean, you're on it, you know.

[Rachel Yukitel]

I don't know.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

How do you know? You know.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Oh, good. Well, I hope you do something like that. What is your biggest takeaway? I guess like what, what can you tell people again that are on the fence, that are thinking about getting into this? What would you say say to them?

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Well, look, for me, sometimes people say those kids are lucky to have you. But I would say I am the lucky one to have them. You know, that their parents and the social work could allow me to be their parents. Like love on them and care for them is the greatest thing they have given me, that they would trust me and teach me. And for me too, it's helped me to heal and be a better human being because of being a parent. So it's not just a one way that I'm helping the kids, but the kids are helping me as well. So it's a. Both, both of us are real. And like I would say, if you're out there and you have, you have the heart and you want to help, you know, there's 450,000 kids in false care. We can help one you know and I know we can also do you know my calling is we can't all be force friend but we can all do something. You know, reach out to someone who's struggling. You know, give a coffee to a mom. Don't judge a mom. You know, more I had for someone who needs a yad. You know, bring me coffee, give me a phone call. You know, help me do room makeover. Like we can't all be like you right now. You know, you're not a false parent but you're giving us a platform to tell our story. You know, so are you, you know, are you doing Absolutely. You can attach so many by just sharing our story but in some way you're touching the lives of those who are also going through it as well. So we can all do something. It doesn't have to be for something along the life of a child to change their lives.

[Rachel Yukitel]

You are so inspirational, Peter. Tell people that are listening where they can find you and follow your story.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Yes, you can find me on Instagram, Faucet Flipper, you can find me on YouTube now I'm known. And you can find me on TikTok, now I'm known. Or our website Now I'm not amazing.

[Rachel Yukitel]

I wish you the best of luck. I'm going to keep following you and watch your story on unfold. I really appreciate you.

[Peter Mutabadzi]

Thank you.

[Rachel Yukitel]

Thank you so much for listening to Misunderstood. I'm your host Rachel Yukatel. Please be sure to subscribe to the show and give us a five star rating and review. You can support the show by joining our [e-mail] misunderstood with Rachel Yukatel. Do you have ideas for the show or want to reach out? Email [e-mail] that's spelled M I S S. Understood. Thank you so much and I'll see you next time.

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[Peter Mutabadzi]

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