Todd Marinovich: The Man Behind the “Test Tube Athlete” — A Story of Control, Chaos & Healing

Summary

Podcast Summary

Miss Understood with Rachel Uchitel

Episode: Todd Marinovich: The Man Behind the “Test Tube Athlete” — A Story of Control, Chaos & Healing
Date: October 21, 2025
Host: Rachel Uchitel
Guest: Todd Marinovich

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Episode Overview

In this raw and deeply personal conversation, Rachel Uchitel sits down with former NFL quarterback Todd Marinovich. Once dubbed the "Bionic Kid" and "Test Tube Athlete," Todd's life became infamous as the cautionary tale of a child crafted by a demanding father for football greatness, only for it all to fall apart amid addiction and public scrutiny. This episode explores the man behind the headlines—his complex childhood, the misunderstood motives of his father, his battles with addiction, the restorative power of art and fatherhood, and ultimately, what it means to reclaim one’s identity and humanity after being engineered for perfection.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Childhood and the "Test Tube Athlete" Myth

[02:05–07:53]

• Todd’s upbringing was intensely focused on health and athleticism by his father, Marv Marinovich, a former player and coach.
• Todd dispels some media myths:

  “What really grabbed America’s attention was the diets. ... The part that wasn’t [true] was that I hadn’t tried a Big Mac or a Twinkie. Of course I had. I just didn’t want the repercussions of my dad finding out.” – Todd, [07:53]

• Training routines included unconventional drills, which Todd acknowledges as real, although not as extreme as portrayed.
• He explains that his father didn’t force him into football at the expense of other sports:

  “Basketball is my favorite sport, and my dad didn’t push me towards football. ... But I was just better at football.” – Todd, [09:31]

2. Living Up to Expectations and the Cost of Control

[10:51–13:22]

• Todd reflects positively on elements of his upbringing, especially his bond with the ocean and the discipline he learned.
• He notes his father set a higher standard for him than his siblings, a dynamic he now views as formative but also isolating.

• “There has to be a love for what you do or you wouldn’t spend the time. ... I love competing and playing sports so much that it was worth to me the sacrifice.” – Todd, [13:02]

3. Early Success and Media Attention

[14:16–15:59]

• Todd became notable as the first freshman to start varsity football in his area, drawing massive regional and later national attention.
• The early media focus made him feel like a “freak” rather than celebrated athlete.
• His level of play and maturity often alienated him from peers:

  “They weren’t nice. ...I had confidence that my play on the field would win them over. And in time it did.” – Todd, [15:41]

4. First Encounters with Substances

[16:28–19:12]

• Todd discovered marijuana at 15. He describes it as transformative, providing relief from lifelong internal tension:

  “It quieted this up here … I was like, thank God I have something now that can ease this tension that I’ve been feeling my whole life.” – Todd, [16:35]

• He acknowledges that it worked “for a long time,” a typical pattern in the cycle of addiction.

5. Addiction’s Evolution and Personal Philosophy

[22:04–24:19]

• Todd discusses how his substance use escalated into “harder things” and reveals he must abstain from all substances to remain sober.
• He advocates for personal choice but cautions those with addiction in their history:

  “For one in recovery, I think it’s dangerous waters.” – Todd, [24:02]

6. College and Rebellion Against Authority

[24:54–29:54]

• Todd’s college experience at USC brought continued athletic success but also tension with coach Larry Smith, whom Todd subconsciously treated as a paternal figure to rebel against:

  “He just took on the role of my dad, you know, subconsciously. So everything he said, I was doing the opposite.” – Todd, [26:42]

• He regrets leaving college early, attributing it largely to the deteriorating coach relationship.

7. NFL: The Dream Become Reality—With Disillusionment

[30:01–31:29]

• Making the NFL was a childhood dream, but playing for the LA Raiders left Todd surprisingly unfulfilled:

  “When I reached the dream ... I felt like, this can’t be it. This can’t be what I’ve spent my entire life training to get to. ... Now what? I’m effed, you know.” – Todd, [32:37]

• Fame brought access to celebrity circles but contributed to further substance use and feelings of emptiness.

8. Public Perception, Shame, and Hitting "Rock Bottom"

[33:45–36:58]

• Todd reflects on a series of “rock bottoms,” which he frames as feelings of emotional hopelessness more than any single event.
• He emphasizes the critical role of community in recovery:

  “If you hear nothing that I say, hear this: I can’t do it by myself. ... We need each other.” – Todd, [34:12–35:35]

• Isolation and the sense of being misunderstood can exacerbate addiction and shame.

9. Fatherhood, Relationships, and Personal Healing

[38:08–40:05]

• Todd credits the arrival of his children as a powerful motivator to change:

  “Being a dad has been—I can’t even put to words. It’s ... something that should not be missed if you’re human.” – Todd, [39:06]

• Though no longer with his children’s mother, they maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship.

10. Art as Salvation and New Identity

[42:23–47:42]

• Art became Todd’s sanctuary in adulthood. He finds purpose and spiritual fulfillment in painting, often working on commission but aspiring towards pure creative expression:

  “I wither and die if I’m not creating. ... I’m happiest doing something for somebody else.” – Todd, [42:52]

• “I’m trying to create a feeling with color. ... Any time I can lose the concept of time, I want to do that.” – Todd, [46:57]

11. Lessons in Parenting: Honesty and Imperfection

[48:01–50:19]

• Todd seeks to raise his children with more leniency and honesty than the rigid discipline of his own upbringing.
• He deliberately allows them to see his humanity and mistakes:

  “I’ve just been honest with them and they’ve seen a human being stumble and fall. ... It sets them up to think that they have to be perfect. ... That’s just not a thing.” – Todd, [48:01]

12. Reconciliation and Legacy with His Father

[50:22–55:15]

• Todd describes a late-in-life, deeply meaningful friendship with his father Marv, despite years of trauma.

  “Best friends with my dad towards the end. It was truly beautiful. ... He was Mr. Misunderstood for sure.” – Todd, [50:33, 51:57]

• Marv eventually recognized the importance of balance and rest in both training and life.

13. Recovery Is a Daily Practice

[59:02–60:26]

• Todd frames addiction management as “day to day”—a lifelong journey requiring vigilance and constant recommitment:

  “I wish I could say, oh, I got that handled. No, it is—I’m either seeking a chemical solution or a spiritual solution. ... If I’m waking up today, I’m seeking that spiritual solution, which is connection.” – Todd, [59:02]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “What you think of me is none of my business.” – Todd, on overcoming shame and public judgment [36:36]
• “I’m living proof, and there’s countless others, that ... you gotta do what you want to do. It’s just gonna blow up otherwise.” – Todd, [33:32]
• “I was scared most of my life. ... I think the antidote is staying moving toward whatever place you want to get to.” – Todd, [65:19]
• “It’s okay to not know. ... You’ll figure it out. And I don’t think it’s a figuring out up here, it’s more here [points to heart].” – Todd, on forging your own path [64:21]
• “A great day for me is: What can I do for you? ... I have amazing experiences and connections with people when I’m doing that.” – Todd, [44:01]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |----------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 02:05–07:53 | Childhood and public narrative | | 09:29–13:22 | Media myths, discipline, dynamics with siblings | | 14:16–15:59 | Early football success and peers’ reactions | | 16:28–19:12 | First drug experimentation and emotional relief | | 22:04–24:19 | Addiction, marijuana, and recovery complexities | | 24:54–29:54 | College, rebellion against coaches, regret | | 30:01–33:32 | NFL experience, disillusionment, and public perspective| | 33:45–36:58 | The realities of addiction and need for support | | 38:08–42:23 | Fatherhood, relationships, emerging purpose | | 42:23–47:42 | Art as therapy, creative ambitions | | 48:01–50:19 | Parenting lessons and vulnerability | | 50:22–55:15 | Late-in-life reconciliation with his father, legacy | | 59:02–60:26 | Recovery as a daily practice for life | | 62:14–65:33 | Final reflections: expectation, forgiveness, autonomy |

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Final Takeaways

• Todd’s story is not one of failure, but of survival, healing, and transformation.
• The episode challenges common narratives about prodigies, control, success, and addiction, honoring the complexity behind the headlines.
• Todd’s journey underscores the importance of self-compassion, community support, creative purpose, and the freedom to rewrite one's own story—at any stage in life.

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Resources

• Todd’s Book: marinovichbook.com ("Outside the Lines: Football, Art and Addiction")
• Art Commissions: marinovichart.com

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“Sometimes the greatest comeback isn’t getting back what you lost. It’s finally understanding who you are without it.” – Rachel Uchitel, [03:40]

Transcript

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

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[Rachel Yukatel]

To you by GoFundMe today on misunderstood with Rachel Yucatel Todd Marinovich. He's been called the Bionic Kid.

[Todd Marinovich]

This boy has never tasted a fast food burger or fries. I was really born into a very religious family, and that religion being football. Todd Marinovich was born and bred to be a quarterback. My dad was a mad scientist when it came to training athletic ability, so in that sense, I was his guide to try new things with.

[Rachel Yukatel]

He would put you in a dark room on a balance beam bouncing a ball. I mean, are those things true There.

[Todd Marinovich]

Were no off days. I couldn't cross the street to the beach until the workout was done. Things can get portrayed in the media that aren't the truth. He was Mr. Misunderstood. Larry Smith was my coach at USC at the time. He just took on the role of my dad. So everything he said, I was doing the opposite. I do regret leaving college early. The Los Angeles Raiders select Todd Marinovich. When I was playing with the Raiders, I felt like, this can't. This can't be what I've spent my entire life training to get to. But I never felt the effects like marijuana gave me. I was like, thank God I have something now that can ease this tension that I've been feeling my whole life.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Where are you in your relationship with addiction? Is it a constant struggle?

[Todd Marinovich]

It's definitely a day to day. Rachel.

[Rachel Yukatel]

What happens when you're built for greatness but never asked if you even wanted it? Todd Marinovich wasn't just born. He was designed. From the time he was an infant, his life was an experiment in human perfection. His father, Marv Marinovich, a former USC football player and strength coach, made it his mission to create the ultimate quarterback. No sugar, no fast food, no childhood in the traditional sense. Every move, every meal, every breath engineered for one goal, to be the best. And for a while, it worked. Todd became the prototype, the robo quarterback, the bionic kid, the athlete America couldn't stop watching. But he was brilliant, disciplined, beautiful to watch. He was also breaking inside. Because when you're told your worth is tied into your performance, there's no room for being human. There's no room for curiosity, rebellion, or imperfection. And eventually, the same drive that made him great destroyed him. He fell hard. Addiction, shame, homelessness. Headlines that made him a national cautionary tale. But the truth is, the Todd wasn't a failure. He was the product of a system that doesn't know how to love a person unless they're winning. And here's the question that haunts his story, and maybe all of ours. If you're good at something, does that really mean you are meant to do it? Or can you be born with a gift that was never truly yours to begin with? Today, Todd Marinovich joins me to talk about what it means to reclaim your humanity after being built to be perfect. We talk about his father, his fall, his art, and the freedom that finally came when he stopped being the quarterback everyone else wanted and started being Todd. Because sometimes the greatest comeback isn't getting back what you lost. It's finally understanding who you are without it. Please enjoy my conversation with Todd Marinovic. Todd, I'm so happy that you're joining me today on Misunderstood. How are you?

[Todd Marinovich]

I'm good. Thanks for having me, Rachel.

[Rachel Yukatel]

So, as I was just telling you before we joined on air here, when I mentioned your name in front of a group of people, everybody started getting animated and screaming about, oh, my God, you have to have him on your show. Todd is somebody that I remember from my childhood. And as I said, everyone had a different version of your story, but the arc of it was, oh, my God, that's the guy who was trained like a test tube kid to be an athlete. And when he finally had some freed and finally was away from his father, he did all the things that he wasn't allowed to do from eating bad foods and doing drugs, and it all fell apart. So that was like the arc of the story that I got in doing research about you and watching your 30 for 30 and reading this part of your book and all the things now that I've researched about you, I find it. There's obviously so much more to that. Not all of that is the real version, but I get why that's the shortened version of who you are, and I cannot wait for people to hear more from you directly. So, again, thank you for being here.

[Todd Marinovich]

You bet.

[Rachel Yukatel]

I wanted to start with your childhood. I mean, you've written a book. That's why you're here. And we'll get into that and how you the process of writing a book. But if you could kind of walk us through this person that everyone thinks they know. Your childhood was one of the most recorded, famous childhoods that people have looked at and studied. So can you tell people that are listening that might not know a lot about you, where you were born, the family you were born into and I was born in.

[Todd Marinovich]

I was really born into a very religious family, and that religion being football. I. And my dad was a player and a coach, coached in the NFL and played with the Raiders and coached with the Raiders. But he. What really grabbed America's attention was the diets. And it wasn't necessarily true. I definitely was very healthy. And. And that part was true, but the part that wasn't was that I hadn't tried a Big Mac or a Twinkie or. And of course I had. I just didn't want the repercussions of my dad finding out that I had eaten all those things. And I was 15 at the time when all this came out. So when it was national news, I felt like more of a freak than they were reporting that there's this quarterback that you should check out. It was more, there's a freak you need to check out. So.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

Right.

[Todd Marinovich]

That was very uncomfortable. Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah, I can imagine. So up until then, though, up until, like the, the media really started getting ahold of your story, I think. You know, I, I'd like to hear what that, you know, that real childhood was when you were a kid. I mean, your dad has told stories about how he would put you in a dark room on a balance beam, bouncing a ball, doing math at the same time. I mean, are those things true? Are you doing all sorts of crazy?

[Todd Marinovich]

Those are true.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

Wow.

[Todd Marinovich]

My dad was kind of a mad scientist, so to speak, when it came to training athletic ability. And that was his big quest is could you actually enhance somebody's athletic ability or are you just dealt what you're dealt with? And so in that sense, I was kind of his guy to try new things with. And I've tried a lot of things over the years and it. Some were great and some weren't very good at all. So. And that's what the, you know, with anything, what. What was really blown out of proportion was that I was trained to be a quarterback, and that was not true. Basketball is my favorite sport, and my dad didn't push me towards football. He just wanted me to be healthy as possible. So. But I did spend a lot of time at it, and that's. There were no off days since I was very, very young. I grew up on the beach and that I couldn't cross the street to the beach until the workout was done. And I was just part of. I understood that. So it wasn't that big a deal because my reward was I had some time to, you know, be a kid.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right.

[Todd Marinovich]

So I couldn't imagine growing up any. Anywhere else. The ocean is just, it's. It's bigger than words. So I'm really grateful for my childhood and my upbringing.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Well, I'm glad to hear you say that. I'm. I'm. I guess I'm curious about. I know you grew up with a sister and you have a half brother, right?

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And so obviously that your diet, let's say if we're just starting with that and your physical training, because I know you did a lot of physical stuff. They didn't. Your dad didn't have her go through any of that or his or his other son, correct?

[Todd Marinovich]

No, no, no. And my sister was athletic. She played on the boys golf team in high school. Because there was no girls team. Oh, no. Way. Yeah. But he didn't spend the time like he did with me for whatever reason.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And not even with his other son.

[Todd Marinovich]

He just, well, had a different mom, and she had different ideas of what she wanted his childhood to look like. So it was different.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah, got it. So, okay, so while you were going through this as a young kid, you didn't necessarily feel like you were being punished or this was any sort of abuse. Okay. Because I think in reading a lot of this and what people thought was that this was very, you know, your father had a very heavy hand, and it was almost borderline abusive or way too strong of a father wanting to create something in you and deprived you from all sorts of things.

[Todd Marinovich]

Well, you know, some things, you know, I just didn't get to do. However, I didn't know what I was missing, so we didn't really do those family vacations or camping or anything like that, so.

[Rachel Yukatel]

But it was clear. It was clear he held you to a higher standard and a different.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah, and I got the lesson that there's just no shortcuts. And if no matter what you choose to do, you have to just spend the time and.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right.

[Todd Marinovich]

That's why there has to be a love for what you do or you wouldn't spend the time. And I love competing and playing sports so much that it was worth to me the sacrifice of doing something every day to just craft my skills. Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

So you actually. I didn't know this. You said you loved basketball more than you even loved football. Why not push you in that direction when you were little? It was because he had a history and he was in the NFL.

[Todd Marinovich]

And, yeah, even though basketball was my favorite to play, I was just better at football. And so I felt that even though I think I could have played college basketball, anything further than that, I don't know.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right. So as you become a teenager again, for people that don't know the story, as you become a teenager and you are so, so much better than kids your age before you even get into high school. Right. I mean, you are already starting to make waves. Is that why the media started to catch on to this? To this kid who really stood out, or. What do you think was the original reason that people started to look at you?

[Todd Marinovich]

Well, I think that what caught people's attention was no freshman in high school had ever started a varsity football game in my area here in Southern California. And so that's what grabbed people's attention. And I was always playing with older kids. And that's, I think, a huge part of It. And when you look at families with a bunch of boys, it's usually the Younger1 that is because he's been playing with his older siblings. So it just makes sense. That's not rocket science there. So I always felt that I was playing with more mature guys and older guys, and that was the case.

[Rachel Yukatel]

So what was that like for you though, as a freshman? I mean, I know that. Freshman. Yeah. Going into that first year of high school, kids probably don't like you and are like, who the hell is this kid taking away our spot as a quarterback? So what was that moment like when they told you you were starting the game?

[Todd Marinovich]

Oh my gosh, that was. And you're right, because that period was far greater than playing at the Coliseum against the New York Giants. It was, it was scary. I. And the dynamics of the team, the older guys, the juniors and seniors, of course, have their own buddies and I was coming in as the new gu. I. It was uncomfortable.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Did they. Were they mean to you? Did they like you?

[Todd Marinovich]

They weren't nice. They didn't go out of their way to be friendly, but I. I had confidence that my play on the field would win them over. And in time it did.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Amazing. Amazing. All right, so let's get into so again for people that are listening, you start, you. You are succeeding so much earlier than you really in life, I guess. And at some point you are turned on to doing some extracurricular things without your father knowing. I mean, you're still living at home, right? So. So it's. You're not in college yet, but you do. Is this the first time you try pot? Is this thing you tried?

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes, I was.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And you talk about that as like this eye opening moment. Like, where has this been in my life?

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes, I, you know, since then I, I've talked with hundreds of people about their first time and their first experience. And 15 is kind of late from my research I've done. And it was pot. And I, I snuck a couple hits off a cigarette one time, so I knew what inhaling smoke would felt like. But I never felt the effects like marijuana gave me. And I was blown away to the point of where has this been? It was my solution. I was like, thank God I have something now that can ease this tension that I've been feeling my whole life.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And, and did it just calm you down? Made you. Yeah, yeah.

[Todd Marinovich]

So quieted this up here. And, and I found that sports and athletics does that naturally. It places you in the moment to where you don't. You're not thinking about what's going on at home or with your girlfriend. And it's magical in that sense. And so is art. Same way with that. It's. It takes you from the day to day. Monday, right?

[Rachel Yukatel]

And it helps you compartmentalize, it sounds like. Yeah. Okay, so now you talk about quieting your mind. I'm just curious to understand you a little more. It's obvious what the stresses were, right? I mean, you're trying to compete at a level that no one else can, essentially. Plus you have the pressure of your father making sure that you are living up to your potential. And who cares what your team does, but it's all about you. So I'm just curious from your words, though, like, what was so choking almost, that that was released by being able to smoke pot?

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

What.

[Rachel Yukatel]

What were you trying to, you know, what was so tough on you?

[Todd Marinovich]

There's so much going on, I think for any kid at that age, that having. I just didn't feel, or even if I could even articulate what I was going through. I don't even know if that was possible, you know, at that age. I just. And I wasn't out looking for something to change. I didn't even know it existed.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

So.

[Todd Marinovich]

It just. It fit me just so perfectly. That. And it worked for a long time. And that's kind of the insidious nature of substances. They do work, right?

[Rachel Yukatel]

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[Rachel Yukatel]

So actually I'm curious about this because I know that you're.

[Todd Marinovich]

I see that Rachel.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Well, your addiction turned into different things and harder things later. Listen, my father died of a cold cocaine overdose at 44 and I was 15. So that's why I'm curious because, and I, I've, you know, listen, I've tried everything. I always was very nervous that I was going to have that same addictive personality and not be able to stop. So I didn't get into like the harder stuff. But marijuana has never worked on me. I, it just doesn't work and it makes people that I know lazy and I just not my thing.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

So I'm curious if now that you've gone through all the different things that you've become addicted to, do you believe that pot is something that is, is a good thing and do you continue to do it or is it something you have to quit all sorts, all substances to be sober that.

[Todd Marinovich]

Well, for me, I, I can't dabble or not go back and forth. It's really has to be clear and it, it's, it worked like I said, it worked for me for, for a time. And is it good for. It could be good for somebo good for the next person. So I, it's hard to say. I just, I think it's important that young people know their family history about substance abuse, because I totally believe a big part of it is genetic, obviously. And then environment plays a big part too, but, and today's different with the, with the strength of these drugs, and it's just a different world. And it's so, it's, it feels so much more dangerous today that I, I don't want to say that every, you know, it's harmless. Nothing is harmless.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right. So even though it's legal in certain places, that's not something that you.

[Todd Marinovich]

I think that's great that it is. I truly do. I, I, I'm for that. Let the person decide if they want to put it in their body or not. Don't tell me what I can, you know, that type of thinking. But for one in recovery, I think it's dangerous waters.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. Okay. So moving on from that, then you move into college, and once again you are the starter as a freshman, which again, I think as I was reading this and watching this on the, on the film, that it must have been, again, really scary. And you felt probably a lot of pressure from the older kids that were like, who the fuck is this kid stealing my spot? But you killed it. Right. You walked in there and showed everybody who you were, and it seemed like you immediately became part of that team.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes. And the thing about the game of football, the quarterback gets far too much attention because it's really about your supporting cast. And it might seem cliche to say, but I just walked into a, a team that was loaded with talent, and they just needed a guy to take the snap and not turn it over. And I did that to the best of my ability, and we got to win a Rose bowl and have some really cool experiences. Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

So what I've heard from other athletes is, like, winning at the Rose bowl is like the equivalent of, like, hitting the biggest peak ever, and you could officially die after that. Like, nothing, nothing good could ever happen to you like that again. Is that how you felt?

[Todd Marinovich]

It was a big moment for sure. And it's, it's hard to describe the feeling of playing in just like, a front of a hundred thousand people that are passionate about what you do. It's, it's, it's, it, it's amazing. But I knew that that wasn't going to last. I don't think you can have those too many times in one lifetime. It was special, for sure.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right. And as you get into college, you again, start to, I guess, get into some deeper things. You got into cocaine, you were partying.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

Right.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Am I getting the timeline right?

[Todd Marinovich]

You're right on.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And do you think that had to do with why you started to have some issues with your coach at the time?

[Todd Marinovich]

100%.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Okay. Okay. Well, I didn't know if it was a personality thing, if he reminded you of your father. Like, I want to hear from you what those issues were first.

[Todd Marinovich]

You know, I didn't know it then, but coach Larry Smith was my coach at USC at the time, and he just took on the role of my dad, you know, subconsciously. So everything he said, I was doing the opposite. I was like a teenager of rebelling. And I, you know, I. I feel for him being put in that situation. I don't know how I would have handled myself. Not like he did, but I don't know if it would have been any better.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right, right. So. And again, for people that don't know this story and are listening, there were times when, and correct me if I'm wrong, obviously he would make a play or call a play, and you would kind of change it up and you would still do the right thing. And it just created this tension.

[Todd Marinovich]

A lot of tension.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

Yeah.

[Todd Marinovich]

And at that time of my life, I was super rebellious. I was fighting everyone and everything. And. And that's part, I think, of. Of being young. And so being a coach, I coach, you know, today I. Because of my experience, I try to be understanding.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. So, you know, for people that do know your story, a lot of people think it's just because once you went finally to college and you didn't have your father over you, this is why you had this rebellion, and this is why you started to put drugs in your system and eat whatever foods and not stand in a dark room and bounce a ball and stand on a balance beam because you were no longer being trained that way. Do you think it had anything to do with actually leaving your father's sight or it was just you growing older?

[Todd Marinovich]

I think they just went hand in hand as I got older. At that time of High School, 17, 18, I was coming to the end of the daily regimen with my dad. I was just. I think it's time we go our separate ways. And it wasn't discussed, but. And then I fell into, like, a lot of freshmen do, they go to college. It's. Nobody's waking you up, nobody's making you anything for breakfast, so you get a little exposure to what life is like. And some People blow it up and are out of school within a year. Others seem to manage it better. Yeah, you know, you never know. And I do regret leaving college early. Looking back on it, you know, I. I was having so much fun at usc and I just felt like the relationship with the coach was so severed that I had to go to the NFL and there was no thought of transferring. Like today, guys move all over college, from college to college, and I couldn't think of playing for anybody else.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right. So. So playing for the NFL, was that at this point like a dream come true or the next path?

[Todd Marinovich]

Okay, yeah, dream come true. I. My earliest memories are wanting to do that. It was like, what else would I want to do? It made sense to me. And. And especially with what I was being exposed to.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right.

[Todd Marinovich]

I mean, a real football family.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah, Right. So. And as you're in the NFL, you're still dabbling in all these things and you're living in la, Right? It was the LA Raiders at the time.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah, LA Raiders.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And were you. I mean, I. I read that you were hanging out with Charlie Sheen and doing all these things. Is this because you had been so famous for so long that they. They all saw you as a celebrity too, and you played for the Raiders? Like, how did you get within that crowd?

[Todd Marinovich]

Gosh, it's a good question. I don't know if any of them really knew my story, up to the point of. I mean, when you're the starting quarterback for a professional football team in a big city. I was kind of a big deal, but. And I had a lot of.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Everyone wanted to hang with you and everyone wanted to give you drugs.

[Todd Marinovich]

I'm sure some did, and I was welcome to that. I was completely open and I. I really didn't give myself the best chance if that was what I wanted to do.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right. Yeah. Which then brings me to my question, and I'm going to preface it with this. I had Ricky Williams on my show. Are you following his story?

[Todd Marinovich]

And.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And in talking to him, the feeling I got from him is somewhat similar that I get when I listen to your story, which is just because you're good at something and everyone puts you on a pedestal and says, this is what he's meant to do and this is what he has to do, because if he doesn't choose this, he's mentally ill. There's something wrong with him. What a loser. If I had that talent, I would be doing this. What the hell is wrong with this guy? Then it's like they make it your issue, whereas maybe Just because you're good at something doesn't mean that that's what fulfills you and is your purpose. And that was my takeaway from Ricky Williams, that it's not that he was mentally ill, he wasn't a druggie and just chose drugs. Football did not fulfill him and he had a bigger calling and he did not find peace when he played. And he is in peace now.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

Now.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes. Love Ricky and love that whole idea. Because when I reached the dream when I was playing with the Raiders, I felt like, this can't be it. This can't be what I've spent my entire life training to get to. I was like, now what? I'm effed, you know, So I get that. And people, I think people in general, a lot of people can relate with that. Whether it's a family that practices law and they feel like they are pulled into that area of life and it's really, you gotta do what you want to do. It just, it's. It's gonna blow up. Otherwise it's just a matter of time.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right. Eventually it will.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah. And I'm living proof, and there's countless others that are, that of course you want to listen to those around you, their input, but it's ultimately your decision.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. So. And not to harp on it, but, you know, it is public knowledge that then it started to all unravel and follow and there is a whole rap sheet of things, you know, you getting arrested or being caught with things or not passing drug tests. And so. So, you know, a lot of people would say, oh, he's given all these chances and he just kept screwing up because he's an addict. But at some point you hit some sort of rock bottom to make a change. Can you talk about that a little bit?

[Todd Marinovich]

I have had so many rock bottoms and they were. Because really, that's a whole nother topic is what is rock bottom? I think it's an emotional hopelessness because I. It's not about the things that you lose because you can always lose things. It's. It's truly about this feeling of hopeless hopelessness. And I've been there several times and it's a messed up place to be where you don't think there's a way out. And thank God for people, I tell you what, that have helped me out of that, because I can't. I mean, if you hear nothing that I say, hear this is, I can't do it by myself. And I've tried countless times. I need people around me that lift me up and that's just a. A people thing. I don't think it's even an addict thing. I just think we need each other. And I wouldn't, I just. I know for a fact I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for my friends and family.

[Rachel Yukatel]

I think something that a lot of people do when they are having a hard time is they isolate because they're embarrassed. There's all sorts of shame. You don't really want people to know. You get defensive about answering questions. And there's gotta have been a time. And I, and I. I know from listening to some of your friends talk that there were times when you almost isolated because I think you are still harboring this thought. You do not know what it feels like to be me. Like you can't even fathom. And there are times when I have felt a similar thing. You don't know what I've been through. It's too hard for me to even describe the things that I've gone through for you to even understand why I'm behaving this way. So like I can't even connect with you. And that has made me understand isolate too. Do you know what I mean?

[Todd Marinovich]

Absolutely.

[Rachel Yukatel]

So absolutely for people listening that feel that isolation. How would you suggest, first of all, that misunderstanding that no one gets you. And you of course have lived a very different life than others. But I think there's a universal feeling of feeling misunderstood.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes. And what I've grown into is what you think of me is none of my business. And that is true. I. I don't have any control over what is said about me. And that has been a good life lesson to, to accept that and let that go.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right.

[Todd Marinovich]

And about feeling helpless and isolating. Isolation is so dangerous for somebody like me. Like I said, I just need people and, and I need to be honest with these people. And that's what I found throughout my experiences. Sometimes honesty is uncomfortable. It just seems that the most uncomfortable things are the best things for me. That's weird, but it's anti intuitive. But truly I don't want to do the things that I should do. Right. And so those are the things that I need to put at the top of my list to knock out for that day.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right.

[Todd Marinovich]

And athletics has given me the discipline to know, to. To be able to do that. To show up and thank God for sports.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. So do you feel like your life started to turn around when you met your wife? I feel like you met her in rehab or did.

[Todd Marinovich]

I did, yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And have you guys Been an amazing support or has that been hard because you guys got to keep each other on a straight and narrow.

[Todd Marinovich]

We are not together, but she is a, a very, very close friend and we co parent and she's got her own struggles and things to deal with too, like a lot of people. And it was my children that's. I never felt this. When she got pregnant and I knew our child, our son was on the way, I had this fire lit in me that I needed to make money. And that was not in this person's thought, thought life until that point. And being a dad has been. I can't even put to words. It's. I think it's something that should not be missed if you're human.

[Rachel Yukatel]

That's a sweet thing to say. I agree with you. I have a 13 year old and she changed my life. So you guys. Yeah, totally changed my life. Like it's, it's also, you know, I think for me, I always struggle to understand love. I had a difficult relationship with my own parents and blah, blah, blah. But that's the first time you really know what doing something out of love is. And this unconditional love that people always talk about like, you will do anything for your children. I also feel similar to my dogs. Like these are things that I will always protect and do anything for. And it just changes you as a person. You're able to see things in a different way and you put them before you put yourself first, you know, and you don't really do that for any other human. No matter how much you say you're in love with someone, someone you know, in my opinion.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. So you guys live in Hawaii. Are you. Even though you're not together with her, do you guys all live there and co parent?

[Todd Marinovich]

No, no, no. I come, My kids come out to, to Hawaii and I come back. I'm like back in Southern California now and yeah, it works. I. I'd love to see him more. I just made it the decision for me that I'm in the fourth quarter of life. Rachel.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

What?

[Rachel Yukatel]

No, you're not.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes. But I like to say I got two timeouts still.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Okay, what's gonna happen in the fourth quarter? What are we gonna do?

[Todd Marinovich]

Well, that's usually when the stars rise.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Okay.

[Todd Marinovich]

That time know I'm not saying that's what's happening, but.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Well, why not?

[Todd Marinovich]

I mean it could happen and there's a good chance. I felt I had a connection with Hawaii since I was in kindergarten because we lived over there for a few years and I Knew there was something special that I needed to check out again. I'm kind of saddened that it took me 50 years to get back, but.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So like, what's the plan? You're. You're there, you're coaching or managing some youth programs. Right. Is it just football or other things.

[Todd Marinovich]

Doing stuff with kids? My rap sheet has kind of limited what I can do with kids in the sense of I was coaching high school football until that caught up with me and I don't do that anymore. But I can work with parents and their kids and there's a lot of those. And I just. And I love the one on one rather than a team coaching just for me anyways. And I call it teaching because I've experienced so much and spent so much time at doing this that I feel like I can really. I try to make things easier for the up and comers.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right. Well, wait, that brings me to another question. Of course. So do you feel like your. Your fourth quarter is. Is going to be like a comeback? Do you think there's anything to come back from? How do you think people view your life?

[Todd Marinovich]

I don't know.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Well, because that, that makes me sad that, that. Because your rap sheet caught up with you. I mean, who cares? You were young and everyone deserves a second chance. And there are plenty of people that, you know right now in their lives. We've heard about them from decades ago, and they are on a huge comeback. I mean, you see Manta Iteo on, you know, doing live football commentary now, you know, and everybody shamed him forever years ago.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah. I think I'm qualified for the coaching position and I love it in a way that if I could, I would do it for free. I just. My fourth quarter, I have to create. That's my. That's who I am at as. As a human being is I wither and die if I'm not creating. And that's a wide range of, you know, know, mediums to create in. And then for fun, it's giving back. I mean, I. Addiction and substance abuse is a really selfish thing. And so what I found is I am happiest doing something for somebody else. And when I get caught up in this, what do I need to. To what. What do. That's mine. I need to get me. It's all bad. It's all bad for me.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah.

[Todd Marinovich]

A great day for me is what can I do for you? And what's next? What can I do for you? Yeah, I'm not. I have amazing experiences and interactions and connections with people when I'm doing that.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right.

[Todd Marinovich]

And. But I, you know, like I said, I don't like to do the things that. That are good for me and that is 100% good for me.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. So you are an artist, you studied art in college.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And you do paintings for yourself or commission? Like where? Commission. Okay.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Have you ever been in a gallery? Do people just contact you and say, make this?

[Todd Marinovich]

Like, yeah, a lot of that. I have a website and people, you know, and it's been fantastic. It's. I never thought it was possible. I didn't know.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Mostly football art.

[Todd Marinovich]

No, it's all kinds, you know.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Like what?

[Todd Marinovich]

Well, sports definitely play a big part of what I do because that's what people request, you know, And. And I watch and read a lot about master the masters of art and painters and sculptors, and a lot of them have said, don't make art your way of making money. It'll change things. And it completely has.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Got it.

[Todd Marinovich]

But it allowed me to practice and continue to improve and get better. However, I. I feel that I'm coming into the something big for me creatively when I can step away from answering your email and saying I'm not. I'm not doing that anymore because it's hard to turn down money.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right. Right.

[Todd Marinovich]

You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Also, again, something Ricky Williams said as well. But you have to make money. I mean, you're a dad. You have to contribute to that. And you also want to live where you're comfortable and you don't have to worry about things. So you shouldn't feel bad about accepting money. And, you know. But here's the other question I had. What. What kind of. And I know nothing about art, but I've started to buy art for my new house.

[Todd Marinovich]

Nice.

[Rachel Yukatel]

So I've kind of gotten into understanding it and I've seen a little bit of your art. What's your medium or whatever are you doing, like watercolor, oil based? Like what. What do you do?

[Todd Marinovich]

I'm starting to go towards oil, but I've been using acrylic mainly because it just dries so fast and.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah, it's easier, but is it stuff that is 3D? Like, comes out of the canvas, you know, when they do the. The oil and it kind of comes out. These are all such stupid questions, but I'm genuinely interested.

[Todd Marinovich]

I try. I'm not a illustrator.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Okay.

[Todd Marinovich]

Or realism isn't my thing. I'm trying to create a feeling with color. And when I paint for fun, because I do, it's it's all about color and it's really abstract and I'm fascinated by it. Yeah. It's my passion. And any time that I can lose the, the concept of time, I want to do that.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah, I hear you.

[Todd Marinovich]

If it's healthy, you know what I mean? Because there's something magical about that. And I get into this place that is magical.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. Yeah. All right. I want to go back to the. Your being a father, obviously, your relationship with your father. Marv, how have you raised your children? That's either different or similar to how you were raised by your father?

[Todd Marinovich]

I, Well, I didn't go down the heavy handed discipline route as my dad and I was probably too lenient because of my experience. Super close with both of my kids. I. And it's been difficult because there's a line of am I their friend or my, their parents or. I just, it just was at a time where, like I said, honesty was the best policy. And so I've just been honest with them and they've seen a human being stumble and fall and a lot of parents don't want their children to know that and why not? And, and I had to ask myself why not? And I got the answer is they should because they will too, stumble and fall. It's. It, it sets them up to think that they have to be perfect. And that's just, as we know, that's just not a thing.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Do you think that growing up, if your father had let you sort of learn some lessons on your own by giving you some freedom, that you would have been able to cope better when you got into high school, college, later in life because you would have learned how to get yourself out of a terrible situation on your own.

[Todd Marinovich]

I think it would have been different, but I don't know how different. Yeah, there's nothing. I don't think you could prepare a young person for the media onslaught of playing professional sports at a young age. That, that whole monster is. Yeah, it's. It's super hard. I don't, I don't, I don't know how young athletes do it today. I really don't because there has to be balance there. And I still, that's what I'm doing today is working on how am I better balancing my life because I, I'm so one tracked. I get focused, like laser focused and then everything else is falling apart.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah.

[Todd Marinovich]

So I, so I struggle still with that.

[Rachel Yukatel]

It seemed that later on in, in your father's life, he was able to spend some great time with your kids. Right. And you were able to have a different type of relationship with your. Him where you were closer and friends.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes. Best friends with my dad towards the end. And it was. It was truly beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah. And I was scared. And that's what's. I'm hearing myself say these things is fear was a huge. Ran my life forever. And I still am dealing with that. When my dad was. His last years with dementia, I just wanted to run from that. I didn't. He's doesn't know who I am and. But he. But he always did. He couldn't put a name to me, but I could feel and see in him that he knew that I was somebody close.

[Rachel Yukatel]

No.

[Todd Marinovich]

And I'm so grateful that I showed up for that.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

I'm so sorry for your. For your loss.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And it's also. It must be hard for your kids too, who didn't get to grow up with in their lives. And he's had such a huge impact. Something I read recently though, really struck me. It was a headline about, I don't know, some quotes about you with your father. And the headline was the worst father in sports or something. Your father. I didn't believe that came from you. And I just wanted to ask you if you could clarify about that article and your thoughts about your father being a father of. Of someone in sports.

[Todd Marinovich]

No. He def. Talked about misunderstood. He was Mr. Misunderstood for sure. Because the people that really knew either really loved Marv, like would die for Marv. And there are many, many, many of those people out there and so can't be that bad of a guy if you have these legions of people that would. Could go to bat for you.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah.

[Todd Marinovich]

So things can get portrayed in the media that aren't exactly the truth.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right.

[Todd Marinovich]

And that wasn't the idea behind the book or the documentary that I did. But I thought the more I could hopefully show them, you know, the. The real me, I maybe can paint a clear picture for them about my dad. And he just had a huge heart. It never was about the money. He was trying to help somebody. And that's what I get from his whole. His legacy is helping.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right. And it seems like he just loved you in a different way than me.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah. The only way that he knew how. And as I got older, I. I started to understand that.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Right. But loved you so much that he wanted the best for you. Maybe even things he couldn't have had on his own and wanted you to have that.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

That.

[Rachel Yukatel]

I think that was very evident as an outcome. So you know, he was, you know, coined with creating the methodology for training and, and assessing athletes.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukatel]

I wonder if you've ever talked to him about this before he died. But, you know, he was, he was using you to see how it would be as a test tube kid. Let's say you tried all these things and we see how life turned out. Do you think now with that methodology he would have said, listen, now I've learned you do this, you don't do this. Like, what would he have had said?

[Todd Marinovich]

Oh, yeah, he was open definitely to look back on things that didn't really work and things that, and training wise, just training. He was honing his skills. And by the time I was already long gone, he was really starting to come across some groundbreaking ideas and a system that he got to train Troy Palomalu, who is one of the best football players of all time. So I, I joke with Troy that you got Marv at his best, and he truly did. Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. But what do you think those would have been? I mean, did it have to do with the diet? Did it have to do with starting somebody at the age of basically a newborn to create this specimen?

[Todd Marinovich]

He grew into the understanding of just because more doesn't make it better. And as he got older, the time off was as much as important as the time off.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

So.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes. You know what I mean?

[Rachel Yukatel]

Totally. Yeah.

[Todd Marinovich]

Because there was no rest when I was going through it. It was just one grind. Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Got it. So a balance.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukatel]

More necessary.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

Yeah.

[Rachel Yukatel]

So do you watch football? Are you.

[Todd Marinovich]

I do, yeah. When I was done playing, I didn't for years, I was done. However, my son now being 16 and playing in high school football, yes, I, I'm back, back in watching it.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Amazing. Do you have a favorite team?

[Todd Marinovich]

The ones that I played for. I have a. Yeah. So I, I, I root for the Trojans and also the Raiders.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And whatever happened to Coach Smith? Did you ever work things out with him?

[Todd Marinovich]

I, Coach Smith passed away and so I didn't get the opportunity, but I did. I had an amazing conversation with his wife, Cher, Cheryl, and hearing her perspective throughout all our turmoil was so eye opening. I mean, we cried, we laugh. I had, I mean, truly a connection with Cheryl and she's, she's doing great in Arizona, but you just don't know the other side of the story when you're going through it and when you get those pieces, it makes sense, you know, And I, and I felt bad and that's why I went and spoke with Cheryl about it because.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Oh, that's Amazing. And ultimately, is it that he felt disrespected because you weren't listening to him, or did he love you like a kid and just was just frustrated?

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes, that one. Yeah. Like, would stay up at night, like, how am I going to deal with this kid?

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

Right.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Oh my God. Well, that must have given you some solace and a little bit closure. I love that for you. All right, so you're doing art, you're living in Hawaii. What's next for you? Do you think you'll ever get married? Do you want more kids?

[Todd Marinovich]

Kids? Gosh, I think I'm good.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Okay.

[Todd Marinovich]

I, I, I love being. Because in Hawaii the uncle and the auntie are big staples in the family.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And you have a whole family or world there that you're very close to.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes. And I love being Uncle Todd. And it's really, the young ones call me Uncle Sam because I can't say Todd and I love that. Even better. Uncle Sauce.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. And I guess just, I know people are going to want me to ask is, is there anything in your past that you would say, listen, I really wish that I did this differently because I'd rather be here in my life? Or are you really good with where you are and you're happy for your past? Like, what would you say about all that?

[Todd Marinovich]

I wouldn't be honest if I said I had no regrets. There are a few in there.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

But.

[Todd Marinovich]

I wouldn't change anything. I really wouldn't. I, I, you know, my addiction has kept me from being a day to day dad. However, the connection I have with my children and the time that we do have together, that's worth it. It's completely worth it. And I just couldn't do it in this area anymore. And I, and it was hard for me because I didn't want to feel like I was running from my kids or them feel that way at all. Just for me, it's such a healthier place to be and to, to where when I, when I do see them, they get 100% of me.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. That's amazing. I love hearing that. And where are you in your relationship with addiction? Is it a constant struggle?

[Todd Marinovich]

It's definitely a day to day, Rachel. I wish I could say, oh, I got that handled. No, it is. I'm either seeking a chemical solution or a spiritual solution. There's no in between. So if I'm waking up today, I'm, I'm seeking that spiritual solution, which is a connection. And that's what we're having. Yeah, I feel it. We have a connection. And this is so good for like the soul. This fills me and it's hard to. To stay in that. And that's what I've struggled with, with my addiction is I love being sober. It's just staying there right through the, through the marathon as those that know me. It's not a sprint, Todd. This is a different race.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah.

[Todd Marinovich]

Because I was so trained to train for an event or trained for this day that there's no day or that we're training for here. It's just the day to day. And I look at it like every day is game day for. For me in my life, there's no rehearsals and a bad decision can take me out.

[Sponsor/Ad Narrator]

Out.

[Rachel Yukatel]

That's right.

[Todd Marinovich]

So I. I need to stay close and honest.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And you probably need to really be within your purpose. Like if. Purpose. If your purpose is art, maybe that is something that on a daily basis, like, hopefully people are, even though it is for money.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Are requesting you to do that because that can, that can really bring you into something where your mind is lost in that and you're not. Not dealing with the ups and downs that, by the way, every single person goes through in life. And you're just. You, as you know, have to retrain or train your mind to know that when you are in those lows and you feel like shit, sometimes it's best to just marinate that because you, you know, you're going to get out of it. Life is a pendulum. To the extent you feel terrible, it's the same extent you're going to feel great. So sometimes you just got to go through it and be like, this fucking sucks, but I'm going to pick up my paintbrush and do something. So I really am pulling for you. I wish the best for you. I'm here for you as your friend. If you ever come to Palm Beach, Florida, please let me know. And I really do want the best for you. And I'm so happy you're there visiting your kids, happy to see that you're with your mother. She seems like a wonderful woman. Anything else that I'm missing to ask you that you want everyone to know?

[Todd Marinovich]

Now, I'm glad you mentioned my mom, because she is the one. And there's so much talk about my dad, but yeah, she's why I'm here.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. And you could tell she struggled so much with knowing what the right thing to do was and was really there for all of this with your father. And I'm so glad to hear she's there with you now. But obviously has that softer side and a little and softer spirit. And I'm sure she is a great grandmother.

[Todd Marinovich]

There she is. Tutu.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Tutu. That's what my mom uses for my daughter. That's what. Oh, yeah, because her name is Susan and she could never say sue, so she's Tutu. I love that. My last question is, what do you think your story teaches about expectation, forgiveness, and what it really means to live on your own terms?

[Todd Marinovich]

Hmm. Well, my story has all. All of those things. And what was the question? Sorry, Rachel.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Essentially, I'm trying to have people understand from you that expectation of who you are supposed to be might not be who you want to be, and it's okay to follow your own path. You don't have to live for this.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukatel]

But, I mean, I don't want to put words in your mouth. I want to give a lesson from you on. On kind of what you've learned throughout, being who you are.

[Todd Marinovich]

You know, I. You really brought up some really good questions this morning, and thank you. It's like a fine line there, though, that having someone in your corner, like my dad was, helped me reach places that I didn't think I could. And also in art, having, like, my friend Bob helped me believe I could do this as a, you know, as a way of life if it wasn't for the people that encouraged that. Because I didn't really know what I wanted to do. I thought I wanted to play football until I was knee deep in it and couldn't run. So it's taken me a long, long time. And it's crazy to think we're the. We're turning to our teenagers going, what do you want to study in college? Like, what do you want to be? Like, pump the brakes. I don't know. And it's okay to not know. Yeah, it's. It's you. You'll figure it out. And I don't think it's a figuring out up here. It's more here.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah, you'll.

[Todd Marinovich]

It's a knowing and not put a timeline on that. You can't.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And to add to that, I would say it's also about trying different things.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukatel]

What works and. And the failure is part of learning what you want to do and what you not want, what you don't want to do. So I don't think people should shy away or be shameful about failing. It's. It's part of life and what makes you better in the future, because if you don't know what you're going to fail at, you don't know how to do it a different way, you know.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes, yes. And that's the best, really. It's not the best part, failing, but if you can accept the fact that that's part of it, that's more part of it than you want to be part of it, but that's part of the deal.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And it can probably take some of that fear you talked about out of it.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yes.

[Rachel Yukatel]

No, you can fail. Like, you can get rid of a little bit of that fear of it because it's going to happen.

[Todd Marinovich]

I was scared, like I said, I was scared most of my life. Life. But I was always in action. And that's, that's the antidote, I think, is staying moving towards whatever that place you want to get to is.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Yeah. All right. Your new book is out outside the lines in football, art and addiction. Where can people get this book?

[Todd Marinovich]

They can go to marinovichbook.com or Amazon or anywhere.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Amazing. Barnes and Noble. Okay. And if people want to commission you for art, where can they reach you?

[Todd Marinovich]

Marinovichart.com okay.

[Rachel Yukatel]

And is it just things that you've already done and are on there or can people reach out to you and say, here's my idea. Yeah, I have this size of a wall. You go for it.

[Todd Marinovich]

Yeah. I love those. And I've had some really great requests over the years where it's, I don't care what you do, it just has to be the size. I love, I love those. But I will. Yeah, I love connecting with the person and it's a joint effort of creating something special.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Amazing. I love it. Todd, I wish you so much luck and faith and hope and all of the things in the future. I've really appreciated getting to know you and I really hope that people read your book.

[Todd Marinovich]

Thank you, Rachel. I'm a fan now of you.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Thank you, Todd. Have a great day.

[Todd Marinovich]

Foreign.

[Rachel Yukatel]

Thank you so much for listening to Misunderstood. I'm your host, Rachel Yukatel. Please be sure to subscribe to the show and give us a five star rating and review. You can support the show by joining our [e-mail] misunderstood with Rachel Ukatel. Do you have ideas for the show or want to reach out? Email [e-mail] that's spelled M I S S. Understood. Thank you so much. And I'll see you next.