Modern Wisdom Episode #914: Dr. Ethan Kross - How To Stop Feeling Negative Emotions All The Time
Release Date: March 13, 2025
Host: Chris Williamson
Guest: Dr. Ethan Kross, Director of the Emotion and Self Control Laboratory at the University of Michigan
Introduction
In episode #914 of Modern Wisdom, host Chris Williamson sits down with Dr. Ethan Kross to delve deep into the intricacies of negative emotions and effective strategies to manage them. Dr. Kross, a renowned psychologist, shares insights from his extensive research on emotion regulation, offering practical tools to help listeners navigate the often turbulent landscape of their emotional lives.
Defining Emotions
Dr. Ethan Kross begins by addressing the fundamental question: What is an emotion?
Dr. Kross [01:02]: "I define emotions as responses we have to events in our lives that we deem meaningful. They capture our attention in some way, whether through external events or internal thoughts."
He elaborates on the components of emotions, highlighting the physiological responses, cognitive focus, and motor expressions that accompany emotional experiences. Dr. Kross distinguishes between emotions and feelings, clarifying that while emotions encompass a broader range of internal states, feelings are the conscious awareness of these emotional responses.
Dr. Kross [05:33]: "Feelings are the conscious component of an emotional response. They’re what we’re aware of, much like the fever and chills when we have the flu."
Evolutionary Perspectives on Emotions
Turning to the evolutionary significance of emotions, Dr. Kross explains that emotions serve as essential tools that have been honed to help humans respond optimally to their environment.
Dr. Kross [06:56]: "Emotions give us an edge. They mobilize us to respond to situations effectively, whether it’s anger motivating us to correct a wrong or sadness prompting introspection and seeking support."
He provides examples of how negative emotions like anger and sadness have functional roles:
- Anger helps address violations of personal or societal norms.
- Sadness facilitates emotional processing and rebuilding after loss or rejection.
Dr. Kross [09:23]: "Sadness motivates us to slow down, reflect inwardly, and seek connections with others to rebuild our sense of self."
Challenges in Emotion Regulation
Dr. Kross discusses the inherent difficulties in managing emotions, drawing parallels to physical fitness. Just as individuals vary in their physical capabilities, there is significant variability in emotional regulation skills.
Dr. Kross [12:17]: "There’s huge variability in how people manage their emotions. Regardless of where you are, there’s room for improvement in emotional regulation."
He emphasizes that while humans are equipped with tools for emotion regulation, many lack a comprehensive "user manual" to effectively harness these tools, leading to challenges in consistently managing emotions.
Emotion Regulation Tools: The Shifters
Dr. Kross introduces a categorization of emotion regulation strategies, referred to as "shifters." These tools help individuals shift their emotional states in desired directions.
1. Sensory Shifters
Utilizing the senses can rapidly alter emotional states. Music is a prime example.
Dr. Kross [38:19]: "Music is a powerful emotional shifter. Listening to uplifting songs can instantly boost your mood."
He also mentions the impact of touch, taste, and smell in regulating emotions, advising caution to avoid overuse.
2. Attention Shifters
Managing where one directs their focus can significantly influence emotional experiences. Techniques include:
- Taking Breaks: Diverting attention away from stressors can provide temporary relief.
- Mental Time Travel: Imagining future perspectives to reduce the intensity of current emotions.
Dr. Kross [65:33]: "Changing your mental spotlight can alter your emotional experience. For instance, thinking about how you'll feel in a week can diminish the current distress."
3. Perspective Shifters
Altering the way one views situations can lead to more manageable emotional responses.
- Reframing Negative Thoughts: Turning envy into motivation or gratitude when observing others' hardships.
- Distant Self-Talk: Using one's name when addressing personal issues to adopt a more objective stance.
Dr. Kross [83:21]: "By switching pronouns and using your name, you enter a coaching mode, guiding yourself with the same care you’d offer others."
4. Space Shifters
Designing one's environment to either enhance positive emotions or minimize negative triggers.
- Creating Safe Spaces: Surrounding oneself with comforting elements like plants or photos of loved ones.
- Compensatory Control: Organizing and cleaning to regain a sense of control during emotional turmoil.
Dr. Kross [92:47]: "Populating your workspace with loved ones' photos can speed up recovery from distress. Similarly, organizing your surroundings can provide a sense of control."
5. Relationship Shifters
Leveraging social connections to regulate emotions.
- Selective Sharing: Talking to individuals who provide both emotional support and constructive perspective.
- Avoiding Negative Influences: Curating social interactions to prevent the spread of detrimental emotions.
Dr. Kross [100:27]: "Choosing the right people to talk to about your problems can either help you manage your emotions or inadvertently exacerbate them."
6. Culture Shifters
Understanding and manipulating cultural influences to support emotional regulation.
Dr. Kross [111:55]: "Culture imparts values and beliefs about emotion management. By fostering environments that support these values, individuals are better equipped to regulate their emotions."
Making Emotion Regulation Automatic: From Knowing to Doing
Dr. Kross acknowledges that possessing knowledge about emotion regulation is not enough; the challenge lies in integrating these practices into daily life seamlessly.
He introduces the WHOOP framework as a method to transition from understanding to habitual practice:
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Wish: Define the emotional regulation goal.
"My goal is to not get upset with my kids when they don’t listen."
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Outcome: Visualize the desired outcome.
"I hope our family is happier and has fewer arguments."
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Obstacle: Identify potential barriers.
"When I see my children fighting, it triggers unresolved feelings from my childhood."
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Plan: Develop if-then strategies using specific shifters.
"If I see them fighting, then I will focus on how I’ll feel a year from now or change my perspective on their development."
Dr. Kross relates this to practices used by high-performing organizations like the Navy SEALs, emphasizing the effectiveness of structured planning and rehearsal in achieving emotional regulation goals.
Social and Cultural Factors
Emotions are not only managed internally but are also influenced by external social and cultural environments. Dr. Kross discusses:
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Emotional Contagion: Emotions can spread rapidly within social groups, necessitating awareness of one's emotional impact on others.
Dr. Kross [102:53]: "Emotions are unbelievably contagious and can spread within seconds, especially in uncertain situations."
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Social Comparisons: While often viewed negatively, social comparisons are natural and can be harnessed for motivation.
Dr. Kross [104:38]: "Instead of viewing comparisons as theft of joy, they can be restructured to serve as motivation to achieve similar successes."
He also touches upon the role of secure versus insecure attachments in moderating the effects of social interactions on emotional states.
Conclusions
Dr. Ethan Kross imparts a comprehensive understanding of emotions, emphasizing that while emotions are natural and serve vital functions, effective regulation is achievable through deliberate practice and the use of tailored tools. By adopting strategies like the WHOOP framework and leveraging social and environmental factors, individuals can transform their emotional experiences, leading to enhanced well-being and more fulfilling lives.
Dr. Kross [127:16]: "Our moment-to-moment emotional experiences largely determine our quality of life. By effectively managing these emotions, we can ensure that we not only survive but truly thrive."
Listeners are encouraged to engage with these practices, experiment with different emotion regulation tools, and integrate them into their daily lives to foster resilience, happiness, and personal growth.
For more insights and resources from Dr. Ethan Kross, visit www.ethancrosskross.com.