Bill Burr (52:03)
they got nothing else going on in their life, knowing full well that if they. The politicians would be like, well, if we let this fucking thing go, I'm not going to get voted into office. I mean, Bob Kraft, even though he ponied up money for the stadium, he was going, oh, I'm gonna bring it down to Connecticut. Him and his dumb fucking loafers. I love the guy. There's two things that happened in the. Well, there's a bunch of things that happened. My history as a Patriot fan that bugged me. Bill Parcells telling the team that he was allegedly. That he was going to. He wasn't coming back the next year before we played the Green Bay Packers. That's why I've still yet to watch the two Bills, okay? Because somebody who was not connected to the football team told me a long time ago that he did that. And I believed it back then, the way I believed that there was a Santa clau. Bill Parcells has the same body type as Santa Claus. And the whole thing comes together, and I've just never been able to fucking forgive the guy for something that I'm not even sure if he even did. Okay, um, what else? When Bob Kraft said he was going to move him to Connecticut, that was fucking annoying. We should have let him do it. Go ahead, move to Connecticut. Move into the fucking Hartford Whalers old building. See if you can make it work down there. You can't make anything work in fucking Connecticut. They're too divided. You know, some are Giant fans, some are Patriot fans, some are dirt poor. The others are in the Illuminati and there's some clan members. I mean, think about that. What. What fucking product can you sell that's going to appeal to all of those people? There's a reason why Connecticut lost the Wailers. They deserved it. No, I'm just kidding. I was actually talking to somebody when I was up in Canada that, like, what was great about the fucking hockey divisions when I was a kid, when I was just a lad? The Adams Division and the Patrick's Division. If you had a fucking car, you could literally drive to every road game your team had within its division, you could probably get there within, you know, a couple of hours. Except for the Quebec Nordics. They were way the up there. They jumped on a plane. They were all just like, fly to Montreal, fly to Buffalo, drive down to Hartford. Then you had the Nord. It was Nordics, the Canadians, the Sabers, the Whalers and the Bruins. Then. I feel like I'm missing somebody. That was so long ago. And then the Patrick Division, you had the Islanders, the Rangers, the Devils, the Flyers, in the Capitals. All five of them were right there. And then the road trip, the long one was Pittsburgh. All of them right fucking there. It's like when you used to see, like those. Those things they do on, like, you know, back in the day when baseball was all on, like the east coast, essentially, and they would just take trains. And there was two teams in Boston, three teams in New York, two teams in Philly. The Philadelphia Athletics, the Philadelphia Phillies, the New York Giants, the Brooklyn Dodgers, the New York Yankees, formerly the New York Highlanders, formerly the original Baltimore Orioles, then the new Baltimore orioles, formerly the St. Louis Browns. Isn't it amazing? I know all of this shit and can't do fucking simple math and have no idea what's going on in the world. I tried to get a little smarter, though. On the flight back. I watched this. Ken Burns did this whole thing on Vietnam, and I watched one that was basically 1970 to 1971. And what I loved about the documentary is he does not spare the Horrors of all of those people that just showing the dead bodies and all of that shit and just like. Just done so evenhandedly. People who protested the war. As one Marine was saying, like, I had no problem with people protesting the war. You know, that's one of the great things about this country and all that type of stuff. But like those people that were like yelling at him and punching his car and all that, like they took it too far. And I found that really interesting, you know, that you can, you can because we're kind of, I feel like we're living that right now to the left. Except for some reason they're not protesting this never ending fucking war that is bankrupting this country because the people in power geniusly have sold this one that if you criticize it, you don't support troops and you're a socialist. Slash, I think you're in isis. I think that's the way it goes. If you're even just as an American going like, hey man, like I'm down with this country and stuff, but we're spending a billion dollars a month to fight 3,500 people on a jungle gym, that train on a jungle gym. Like, that's just from a business standpoint. How are we going to continue to sustain this? If you just even ask that, that's immediately put into the. You don't support the troops, you don't appreciate people fighting for your freedom, you're a piece of shit. Let's ruin your career. And I feel that they learned that in Vietnam when they kind of learned that if they lost the. Obviously you lose the public support, eventually you're going to lose the fucking war. In watching these people giving these speeches so we don't end up at another Vietnam and blah blah, blah, blah, blah. And then just seeing some of these hippies acting like me too people, you know, totally just taking it too far, that if somebody even looks like their whole life should just fucking be destroyed. You know what I mean? One person tries to look up a skirt as somebody's walking up a stairs, you know, flight of stairs. All of a sudden they're doing jello shots with Harvey Weinstein out in some godforsaken place in fucking Arizona. I got a great reality show. You have Harvey Weinstein and O.J. simpson. They do a road trip, right? And they got, it's like they got. They start in LA and they got 36 hours to get to Atlanta to pick up Paula Deen. It's like the gumball rally, you know, and then she, because then she has to go into this big brother house and decide whether or not she wants to marry Dog the bounty hunter. I'm just, I'm just throwing this out there like this is just a. And I want to host it and have all these dumb events like that guy in Survivor that screams at everybody. My wife always watches Survivor and I just can't. That's so fucking. I get so much anxiety, you know, Blue team slowing down. They need to hurry up. It's like, shut the fuck up. We know what we need to do. You explain the game, you fucking shredded cunt. He is in great shape for the amount of, you know, he's got to be sick of it, though. I. I feel like with that guy, every. I feel like for me, I feel every fucking season he gets a little more angry because at some point, I mean, it's just a finally oiled machine, but like, he sort of has stopped growing as a person because now he's stuck in Groundhog Day. And it's just like. And they do it like they've been on the air for like 18 years and they're like in their 50th season. Like, I don't know how many times this poor bastard has to fly to a fucking island in Fiji and yell at people about, you know, how they need to bring a plate of fucking peas, you know, while walking on some fire, whatever the fuck it is that that guy does. Can you imagine just. Just sitting there trying to think of another fucking thing that they have? I don't know. I have no idea. It's like that American Ninja was American Ninja Warrior, which, I love that show too, but it's just like every fight, I think somebody's got to sit there and think of a. Something that requires even more grip strength. I swear to God, by the time they get in their 50 season, you're gonna have to be doing pull ups, you know, only holding on with your feet. The people who train for that thing, you know, you're gonna have a whole generations are gonna continue to train for that thing. I swear to God, our big toe is gonna start sliding down the left side of your foot. Or the right side of your foot, depending on which one you're looking at. You're gonna have thumbs again, like a ape. By the way, I saw one of the best YouTube videos. You know, they do like those mashups, you know, And a lot of times you just. You just pick two songs that are the same tempo, right? And you just take the music out of one. You take the lyrics together, you Slam them together. I know. You know, maybe speed it up a little bit, but somebody did Rats Round and round with Marvin Gaye. I heard it through the grapevine. Check on the Twitter page. We just posted it. Or we have it posted by the time this is up. And just the way it fits is incredible. Like it actually sounds right. And then I was. I don't know what the fuck. I was just on YouTube looking at a bunch of videos, and I somehow found this band where this guy does this impression of Michael McDonald and he's singing Iron Maidens Run to the Hills, but it's totally sung like Michael McDonald. And the. The music that they wrote sounds like a Michael McDonald song. Like it doesn't. Because I was sitting there listening going, how the fuck do I know this song? Just like the white man came across the sea he brought us pain and misery. I won't torture you anymore. Killed our cow, took our game. I said he took our game for his own need. You gotta listen to music underneath it. It sounds like right around the time when he was working with Steely Dan doing all of that. Whoever would have thought that some band could sit there and write some blue eyed soul to Iron Maiden? All right, with that. Let me do a little. We'll post that one too. I would probably already have it posted by the time you listen to this. Right? All right, hang on a second. Hang on a second. All right. I could do the reads here for the week. I gotta do the reads here for the week. All right. Oh, my God. Speaking of Vietnam. Speaking. Speaking of Vietnam. Bike mechanic from Vietnam. How fucking weird is that? You know, who would have thought. Who would have thunk that I would talk about Ken Burns. Vietnam, by the way, I have to watch Ken Burns. I swear to God, Ken Burns could do a fucking nine part documentary. Unclipping your goddamn toenails. And I would watch that, all right? Because he would. Somehow it would be fascinating. And speaking of amazing television that I watched when I was on the plane, let me make sure I get the name of the show right. I watched that new Mike Judge animated show. What is it? Tour Bus. From the Tour Bus. Has anybody watched that yet? He basically talks to all these fucking lunatic outlaw country singers, okay? And they tell stories about being out on the road. I don't. I. I've yet to go. I've yet to see one where somebody didn't pull a gun on somebody. Three out of four that I watched, the people involved actually shot the other person. One got off, one went to jail. I'm Telling you, the ones I watch, I watched the Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Paycheck, and then there was this guy, Billy Joe something or other. And there was one other one that I watched. They were unbelievable. And, you know, if Mike Judge is doing it's going to be quality make Beavis and Butthead office space. Oh, Christ, what's the name of this King of the hill? Jesus Christ, My brain's going to go to mush. Idiocracy, which a lot of people didn't see because it went straight to fucking. You know, this is a little too accurate anyways. I cannot say enough about that show. I have to watch every fucking one of those. And you're really seeing, like, basically an America that no longer exists. Half the shit that they do. It's like, dude, there's no fucking way you could do that now. Just with all the cell phone cameras and all of that, and. And you just peer into the way, I don't know, the way men, an extreme version of an American male thought back in the day, the way they handled shit, their thought process, it just was just. I can't even like, on like 20 different fucking levels. That show is unbelievable. You have to watch it. The guy's on his tr. Got one of these. I'll ruin one thing. This guy is on trial for shooting this guy in the face, okay? And the judge goes, well, couldn't you just ran away or walked away saying he didn't have to do it, basically. And the guy looks at the judge, he's like. He's like, buddy, I'm from Texas. We don't run. Says that at his own fucking trial. Anyways, I don't know. I'm butchering it. You got to see it. The part where fucking Jerry Lee Lewis considers driving over Liberace so there'd be, quote, one less piano playing motherfucker that he had to compete with. Just imagine that. Animated.
