School Photos, Religion, 'I Will Say' | Monday Morning Podcast 3-9-26 - Monday Morning Podcast

Transcript

Bill Burr (0:01)

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, March 9, 2026. What's going on? How are ya? 2026. Six. Six. The number of the beast going to war for Jesus Christ. I kill you in the name of Jesus Christ, the son of God, who created all of us in his image and the fifth commandment. You're not allowed to kill people. Unless. Unless. Unless. Anyway. Jesus Christ. Dude, what the. How many? I. I'm not gonna lie. That Bruins, that Bruins game today, that

Joe Bartnik (0:57)

took a lot out of me.

Bill Burr (1:01)

I don't know what, what? We're playing good, you know, we're having an amazing season.

Joe Bartnik (1:05)

I love the team, but, dude, if

Bill Burr (1:07)

we go up by three or four goals one more time and with five to seven minutes left in the second period, what do we do? We take a penalty. We literally took a penalty.

Joe Bartnik (1:17)

And I go, they're not going to do this again.

Bill Burr (1:21)

They're not going to let these cunts

Joe Bartnik (1:24)

back into this fucking game.

Bill Burr (1:27)

Are they really going to do this? And we take a penalty in five seconds later, what do we do? What do we do? We take another penalty. Now we're down five on three. I'll tell you what is really hard

Joe Bartnik (1:39)

to watch as a fan is when

Bill Burr (1:41)

you're down five on three and the other team scores a goal and the announcers are flipping out. Oh, what a shot by. It's like, dude, it's professional hockey. They have five guys and we have three guys. What's amazing is it's the. The. The team with three kills the penalty. A five on three is borderline an automatic goal. Oh, heck of a to say by Monte Bull. So then it's three to one and we start doing what we do. We play make a wish hockey. Ah, what are we doing? Oh, we're beating them. Too bad. Ah, I feel bad for him, right? So come out of the second break. Everything's going good till about 13 and change. And they score again. Like, they literally took a time out. And the Penguins are going, don't worry, we're gonna get one, we're gonna get one. And I'm sitting there going, they're gonna get one. You could just see it. You could just see it. Three to two.

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast 5-9-26

School Photos, Religion, 'I Will Say' | A Summary of March 9, 2026

Overview

In this episode, Bill Burr is joined by Joe Bartnik and Ambria Allen for a classic Monday Morning Podcast packed with sharp rants, personal stories, and social commentary. The trio touches on everything from hockey heartbreaks and childhood trauma to religion and language pet peeves, all while maintaining Burr's mix of humor and frustration at the state of the world. Topics range from sports fandom to philosophical musings, social critiques, and memorable personal anecdotes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Boston Bruins’ Hockey Woes & Sports Frustration

Bill and Joe kick things off (00:01–04:18) venting about the Bruins' knack for blowing leads.
- Bill’s exasperation: "We go up by three or four goals... what do we do? We take a penalty." (01:07)
- Classic hockey fan resignation and rage as Burr describes shutting the game off after an overtime loss—"When life gives you a negative, you got to go do a positive. I started doing laundry." (04:18)
Joe draws a parallel between parenting and sports:
- Doing laundry Sunday night so his kids start the week right—scarred by memories of awful school clothes. (05:04–07:41)
- "That bullshit, that story I just told you is the kind of thing that builds character. It doesn't build character. What it does is it builds trauma that then fucking builds up in you..." (07:41)

2. Trauma, Character, and Parenting Myths (07:41–09:37)

Bill and Joe critique the "toughen up" ideology, noting how abuse cycles allow abusive people to rise to power.
- "What they need to do is get rid of abusive people. But it's, I just don't think it's going to happen. They own the media." (08:25)
They lament the rise of military propaganda, performative patriotism, and the mindless following of authority. (09:01–11:23)

3. Social & Political Critique

Burr's take on performative patriotism:
"It's not questioning the people in power that used to make you patriotic. Holding them to some sort of a fucking standard. It's just like... you applaud when the planes go over and you don't ask any fucking questions." (10:20)
Sports as a microcosm:
Joe and Bill keep returning to sports' comfort but recognize the business side, touching on nostalgia as classic venues are replaced (14:31–19:55).

4. Meaning of Life, Religion, and the State of the World

Religious hypocrisy and existential questions abound:
- "Why does God make sociopaths? Why does he make pedophiles?" (23:33)
- Bill calls out the contradiction of being religious and racist simultaneously: "I do not understand people that can be religious and racist at the same time." (25:10)
- On performative faith: "I feel like a lot of people, like, they go to church and they... It's an ego trip." (25:41)
Critique of capitalism, internet culture, and billionaires:
- Using ‘No Country for Old Men’ as metaphor, Bill muses: "Why are you doing this? You have enough money... That's what kills me about today's journalism. It's like, nobody is at, like, why are you doing this?" (20:28)

5. Gender Roles and Leadership (28:08–28:50)

Bill’s 180° on women in leadership:
- "Now I've gotten to the point... I now feel like that not only should women be in a bunch of positions of power in countries, they should be in the majority for the simple fact that men solve their problems with violence." (28:17)
- "Why don't we step aside and see what the women have to do?" (28:50)

6. Language & Annoying Phrases (41:55–45:20)

Listener question about the phrase "I will say."
- Bill’s confusion: "I mean, I don't think that you can go to war for Jesus. I will say. No, you can't say, I will say, because I already said it." (42:56)
- Annoyance with “both things can be true”: "Well, then if everything's true, what... What the is false anymore?" (44:38)
Ambria and Joe also weigh in with their linguistic pet peeves.

7. Societal Cynicism & Spiritual Hypocrisy

On Instagram spirituality:
"You know, beautiful women will, like, you know, stand in a bikini, making hard hands above their head... It's just like, you could have just wrote that. Why are you, like, in the picture right now?" (46:32)
- The trio riff on people using wellness or activism as an excuse for self-promotion.

8. Aging, Fitness, and Changing Perspectives (38:34–41:32)

Bill shares aging gym stories and muses on yoga for "old bastards."
- "I've been doing yoga like a old bastard that I am. I'd go to a yoga class, but I would just feel like a creep, you know?" (39:06)
Tangent on singer Sting, tantric sex, and body envy: "That guy looks amazing. He's in his 70s." (40:46)

9. In-Person Connections, Travel, and Goodwill (57:26–61:14)

Bill’s “shout out” segment:
Listing favorite restaurants and travel tips in Canadian and European cities; encourages listeners to travel and experience life outside social media bubbles.
Closing philosophy:
"I think the only way out of this is to just ignore those rich cunts and just try to be nice to each other." (61:09)
- "Let's just, can we just be. Hey, man, how you doing? Morning. How are you? Looking sharp. All right, see you later. Like, why can't we do that?" (55:03)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Boston sports heartbreak:
“If we go up by three or four goals one more time and with five to seven minutes left in the second period, what do we do? We take a penalty.” – Bill Burr (01:07)
On trauma and childhood:
"That... story... is the kind of thing that builds character. It doesn't build character. What it does is it builds trauma that then fucking builds up in you..." – Joe Bartnik (07:41)
On patriotism:
"It's not questioning the people in power that used to make you patriotic." – Bill Burr (10:20)
On religious hypocrisy:
"I do not understand people that can be religious and racist at the same time." – Bill Burr (25:10)
On shifting gender roles:
"Now I've gotten to the point... not only should women be in a bunch of positions of power... they should be in the majority..." – Bill Burr (28:17)
On performative activism:
"You could have just wrote that. Why are you, like, in the picture right now?" – Bill Burr (46:32)
On tolerating dumb opinions/argument culture:
"I think one day when I really will be on the other side of being a complete lunatic is when I stop having arguments with non existent people." – Bill Burr (48:33)
On hope for humanity:
"I think the only way out of this is to just ignore those rich cunts and just try to be nice to each other. That's my theory. That's what I'm going with." – Bill Burr (61:09)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Hockey & Parenting Trauma: 00:01–09:37
Social Critique (Patriotism, Politics): 08:55–12:40
Sports Nostalgia, Stadiums Gone: 14:31–19:55
Religion, Evil, and Capitalism: 23:33–28:08
Women in Power & Gender Rants: 28:17–28:50
Language/Linguistic Pet Peeves ("I will say"): 41:55–45:20
Spiritual Ego & Social Media: 46:32–47:39
Gym/Yoga/Aging: 38:34–41:32
Travel & Community Goodwill: 57:26–61:14

Tone and Takeaways

The podcast traverses sincere frustration, self-deprecating humor, and blunt social commentary. Burr and his guests blend empathy with exasperation, underscored by a message urging openness, kindness, and critical thinking—tempered, of course, by doses of classic comedic cynicism.

Bottom line: If you need a laugh and some (sometimes uncomfortable) truths about sports, society, and life’s little indignities, Bill Burr’s Monday Morning Podcast delivers it—raw and relatable.